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The Spiritual Child: The New Science on Parenting for Health and Lifelong Thriving

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In The Spiritual Child, psychologist Lisa Miller presents the next big idea in psychology: the science and the power of spirituality. She explains the clear, scientific link between spirituality and health and shows that children who have a positive, active relationship to spirituality:

* are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances
* are 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers
* are 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex
* have significantly more positive markers for thriving including an increased sense of meaning and purpose, and high levels of academic success.

Combining cutting-edge research with broad anecdotal evidence from her work as a clinical psychologist to illustrate just how invaluable spirituality is to a child's mental and physical health, Miller translates these findings into practical advice for parents, giving them concrete ways to develop and encourage their children's―as well as their own―well-being. In this provocative, conversation-starting book, Dr. Miller presents us with a pioneering new way to think about parenting our modern youth.

384 pages, Hardcover

First published May 5, 2015

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Lisa Miller

4 books89 followers

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5 stars
115 (28%)
4 stars
145 (35%)
3 stars
103 (25%)
2 stars
30 (7%)
1 star
11 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
Profile Image for Panda Incognito.
4,673 reviews95 followers
December 1, 2015
I saw this book at the library, and as a Christian, I was fascinated by the claim that the scientific studies reveal differences in the brain based on one's sense of spirituality and connection with the transcendent, irrespective of a specific religion or practice. Since I believe that all humans are made in the image of God and have an imprinted need for spiritual fulfillment, it was an interesting idea to explore.

This book was long and extremely repetitive. It seemed like each chapter could have stood as an academic paper on its own, because even though some themes did build on each other, much of the same information was rehashed with each new context, be it the burgeoning development in adolescence or a suggested means of rehabilitating the "severed spirit" of one who has suffered from Western society's suppression of the spiritual and feels lost and directionless. I wish that the book had been more compact and less repetitive, but with determination and occasional skimming, I got through it.

Much of this book dealt with the psychological health benefits of spirituality, which seemed like a no-brainer: of course you're less susceptible to paralyzing depression if you have some sense of worth outside of your accomplishments and believe that life has purpose and meaning. However, this book also affirmed many things which I thought but could not articulate well, introduced me to new concepts, and helped me develop a better framework for viewing childhood and adolescent spiritual and emotional development.

The author managed to remain at a respectful distance for most of the book, explaining scientific and practical concepts of spirituality and development without dictating it on her own terms, but there were a few chapters full of subtle hypocrisy. I understand why she encouraged to parents to let their child explore spiritual ideas without dictating what the child should believe, but if a parent believes in a certain religion and is convinced of its truth, it follows that they should teach those beliefs and principles to their child. It is possible for a parent to teach their own beliefs without manipulating a child or overstepping the line of personal autonomy. As the chapter on adolescent spirituality explained, once the child comes of age, they will seek out truth on their own and develop their own life and beliefs, be it apart from or in accordance with their parents. Until then, every parenting approach teaches something, whether it's groundless spirituality, atheism, confusion, skepticism, or religion. It is unfair to assume that a parent teaching religion is limiting their child's growth while everything else is fair game.

This author's own ideas about spirituality and what is true came through clearly in the work, and although that is unavoidable, it became off-putting when she told parents how they should approach spiritual discussions with their children and explained from her own opinions and beliefs how transcendent relationships ought to work. With all of her remarks on the dangers of organized religion, which admittedly can breed self-righteousness and even violence, her solution was to pick and choose the bits and pieces of ritual and practice which appeal to an individual. The mishmash of the "loving, sentient universe," family values, and delight in nature which she suggested is not abusive or evil, but the smug sense of satisfaction that you're more right than religious people is counterintuitive to the values she claimed.

Although I understand the author's desire to give people practical tips for how to encourage their children's spiritual curiosity, it irritated me to see how she made broad, universal truth claims based on nothing other than her own personal preference and ideas. Those who adhere to Christianity may be guilty of metaphorically hitting someone over the head with their Bible, but at least they believe that it's divine revelation with something universal and unequivocal to say to humankind. Bashing someone over the head with your own bits-and-pieces collected framework of disorganized spirituality is just as annoying, and has far less validity or reason behind it.

My other objection is that this book largely avoided addressing the topic of atheism and how a denial of the spiritual plays into life. In the introduction, the author said that everyone has some belief about the supernatural, whether you embrace or outright deny it, and she assured us that she would address the latter topic elsewhere. I kept waiting for it, but aside from bringing up atheistic people as antagonists in the stories of people who needed spiritual guidance at home and were quashed, nothing else came up about an atheist's spiritual journey or the impact that has on their life. That disappointed me, both because it was promised and because the concept fascinates me. Because I naturally desire truth and certainty in life, I believe that if I were not a Christian, I would have embraced atheism, and I wondered what science and insight she had to share about that.

In conclusion, because I desire for my life to be undergirded with truth and reason, I am not the ideal audience for this book, which emphasizes make-your-own-reality. Despite that, I enjoyed the facts which I learned, and gained much from thinking through why and how I disagree with other elements. More than anything, I'm glad I read this because it deepened my appreciation and valuation of the spiritual heritage which I have in my family. I am grateful for my faith, my upbringing, the love of family and appreciation of nature, and the sense of morality and inner compass which I have developed. My teen years have been full of meaningful growth and transformation, and I appreciate what a good spiritual foundation I have on which to build my adult life.
Profile Image for Galen  Walker.
26 reviews
June 1, 2015
I found this book a little frustrating. Perhaps reading it as a scientist I have a particular take on the presentation of the arguments. Specifically I felt that the thesis is proposed from a very personal perspective that leads you to feel that the author desperately wishes to believe that children have an innate spirituality and is probably incapable of considering alternatives. They then proceed to present selective evidence to support the idea. I felt she was clutching at scientific straws... And didnt have enough solid evidence for the argument anyway. I'm sure there is also plenty of evidence in the opposite direction- ie those kids raised in highly religious families who grow up with unhealthy sense if shame, guilt and a morality which over emphasises sex over violence. Many times stifling and guilt infused doctrines have led adults to mental ill health, and her arguments are not balanced at all.

More research needed, more voices of children and adolescents. More objectivity. This book, the way it is written is a personal search for the justification of a firmly held position of the author.
Profile Image for Yonasan  Aryeh.
247 reviews3 followers
May 29, 2016
In this book, Miller seeks to discuss the spirituality of a child and how children are built for spirituality. Examining the science behind spirituality, Miller looks at spirituality as a form of an awakening, taking a postmodern approach to the spiritual world as a whole. Miller associates depression in youth with a lack of spirituality and seeks to rectify the problem with the concept of spiritual parenting. Miller is a clinical psychologist and director of clinical psychology at Columbia University.

To understand the text better, one must be aware of Miller's definition of spirituality. Spirituality is not a Christian concept or religious one in any regard, and instead is relegated to "singing prayers" or kids talking to their animals. Miller argues that spirituality is a basic truth in children but generally dismissed and ignored in American culture. In fact, Miller points out that spirituality is a separate entity entirely from religion, and her approach with spirituality is the feel good hodgepodge of "do what you want" if it's right for you...which, of course, is absolute fodder.

Does spirituality exist? Of course, but only in the context of a spiritual world, which by its very definition necessitates a form of religion. As a theologian that has advanced degrees on these subjects (psychology being one of them), I can attest that Miller's approach is mishandled at best, associating spirituality without an anchor that gives it any weight or benefit. Miller's attempt is appreciated, but unfortunately absent of the core feature that matters. Instead, her pantheistic approach gives powers to spirituality that simply aren't there, and associates healing with praying good thoughts. But where do the prayers go?

Books like these are dangerous - they promise great possibility with little purchase or investment, and that's the problem. Spirituality does not function outside of religion, and prayer only works if the recipient is listening and real. Praying without direction is like driving without a destination - you may be putting in the effort but you'll never get where you need to be if you don't actually commit. Two stars is being generous with this title.

Disclosure: I have received a reviewer copy and/or payment in exchange for an honest review of the product mentioned in this post.
Profile Image for Lisa.
853 reviews22 followers
June 16, 2017
This might be the most important book I read this year. The science around having a personal relationship with the transcendent is real and the benefits are constantly being demonstrated. I personally would love to translate most of this into the language of Christian practice that I'm most familiar with, but this is nicely done to appeal to all spiritual traditions. But it explains why family worship and regular church going and religious discussion in my home were so vital to my own spiritual health--and the ability to say no to drugs and unhealthy sexual activity. Talking out loud about and giving vocabulary to the experiences of the transcendent and acknowledging the validity of "heart knowledge" are vital to human flourishing. Great ideas for parents and communities that want to help kids nurture their spiritual depth.
32 reviews8 followers
April 6, 2019
If you are comfortable with a generalized view of spirituality (as I am), this book provides some rich insights into deepening and respecting children's views of the transcendent. It is quasi-academic and quasi-parenting book, which makes it seem a bit long. However, as someone who studies and teaches child development, I found the insights quite helpful and will definitely share this info with others. I would caution that almost all the examples come from a middle class, mostly white American perspective. Miller is respectful of many spiritual traditions, but in describing activities and opportunities parents have to support their children, there seems to be an underlying assumption of a certain type of flexibility and probably at least middle class economic status.
934 reviews
November 1, 2015
Wow! I can't wait to discuss this book with my daughters next week. I'm amazed to see scientific documentation for my long-held deep beliefs.
This is not an easy book to read, however, and takes quite a while.
Profile Image for Lisa Kircher.
154 reviews7 followers
February 27, 2017
Do not recommend. This book is 200 pages too long, filled with quasi science and weak correlation studies.
Profile Image for Lori Schwilling.
63 reviews5 followers
March 17, 2018
Despite the author's repeated promises and assurances, she fails to present convincing scientific evidence to support her claims.
Profile Image for Luke Hillier.
557 reviews32 followers
October 30, 2024
This likely could've been an excellent academic journal article or longform essay, but as a full-length text it is honestly comically redundant. This desperately needed a ruthless editor to trim its considerable fat as the same few points and phrases are repeated over and over again ("Stop trying to make 'field of love,' happen; it's not going to happen!"). However, that considerable flaw aside, I did appreciate the actual point Miller is making, though I did notice an over-reliance on a small sample size of studies used to "prove" it. I do think there's tremendous value in affirming and nurturing children as often immensely spiritual and can easily recognize the merits of supporting that for them as adolescents. I think the trickiest thing seems to be how necessary intrinsic motivation is for any of this to really land, and it seems much more up in the air whether or not a young person has that. Still, there are some accessible, applicable general principles and ideas here that I'd imagine would benefit anyone invested in the lives of children and adolescents. In my context, I read this as a CPE assignment while working as a chaplain at a pediatric hospital.
Profile Image for Wally.
63 reviews28 followers
January 25, 2020
Very repetitive and it often claims to give evidence that does not show. It claims to be very religion neutral but it is religion intensive, almost no examples not based on religion. Her language in the book is not very scientific, she uses very often rather religious language: sacred, miracle, holy, etc She also speaks negatively about rational thinking or science without religion, which for a book that tries to sound positive on that point sounds rather negative. I did not like it, I found it terribly repetitive and when I read Deepak Chopra that was it for me. There are several concepts that I found positive when raising children, like what she calls the garden of love, I found that lovely, I grew up with something like that and raise my kids with it too. Like that, there are several positive suggestions that I still found helpful but really I expected something much more serious and better written.
Profile Image for Nithila P..
68 reviews2 followers
November 13, 2020
Lisa Miller, uncovers some important principles, characteristic of a child responding to a sacred/spiritual reality. The way that child or adolescent, might relate to the "self", to "identity", to "relationships", to "work", to a sense of place, the "path", existential reality, good events in life and bad events in life.

A significant work, I have some questions though for the researchers in this new field - where I felt the concepts went ahead of the process of actually feeling this kind of worldview or reality... The experience is more broken and far more paradoxical. The language these disciplines need to develop to discuss this field, needs to be more wary of using fixities - of knowing the "sacred" as purposeful... in ways that might not in a lived sense be true. Life is mysterious, and this connection with transcendence has to be sought... and the agony of it not being found - is very real. And when it is found, the delight and awe is ephemeral, yet deep.




Profile Image for Becks.
5 reviews
April 23, 2023
I really liked the premise and topic of this book. As someone who has been exploring where I sit with parenting and spirituality, and how it is different from religion, it was a great find in the library. The author used research to support her findings and her own experience as a psychologist. It gave me a lot of food for thought in why spirituality is important and gave some indication as to how to go about including spirituality in your parenting. I say some, because it was honestly so repetitive. The book could have been half the length, or had more practical measures of developing spiritual practices. It would have been great to have some resources at the end of the book from other authors in this sphere, or activities etc. The other reason I didn't give 5 stars is because I thought that it was too diplomatic about fundamentalist religions and also cutting contact with toxic family situations - because that is in the best interest of a child. Some of my thoughts anyway!
Profile Image for Clifford Luebben.
180 reviews2 followers
May 28, 2018
Some good info. Glad it’s getting out there. Should be good for society on the whole. The writing style is easy to read; although, I personally didn’t connect much to it. The author and I clearly have some conflicting worldviews especially as regards spirituality. Perhaps this is why some of her personal speculations on spirituality felt longer than necessary. The whole chapter on parenthood felt like this. I didn’t notice a single research reference in this chapter. This may have been useful for the spiritually skeptic/undeveloped readers, but already having an entrenched spiritual worldview, I already see how parenting impacts my own spirituality and found this personally unnecessary. It could be a good book for many parents out there; especially those who don’t currently see themselves as spiritual or religious, but those of us who do will likely find useful info as well.
240 reviews1 follower
June 24, 2019
The premise of this book is fascinating, the idea that children are inherently spiritual beings, and their development of mind and body also correlate with their innate spirituality.

The problem with this book is that it is not accessible to the everyday person, the intended audience. It reads like a poorly written textbook. Repetitive, far too long and dense, the book does not lend itself to most readers. I was fascinated with the introduction and first two chapters and then it went downhill from there. I found myself skipping to the first paragraphs of the chapters and just skimming, like you would a textbook, for vital information.

It came across that the writer's intention was to reach and help parents with their child's spirituality, but in reality, most parents could not make their way through this book.
Profile Image for Gail Gauthier.
Author 15 books16 followers
February 1, 2025
The first 25 to 30 percent of this book is the science supporting the author's argument that spirituality can protect against a number of mental health problems. I found this part very compelling. The mid-part does get very bogged down with repetition and some expressions like "field of love" that didn't work that well for me. The family network? The family and community network?

The teenage years...oh, my gosh. If I had teenagers in the house I'd be extremely anxious.

I think the science here could be game changing. My big issue is that the author continually says that spiritually does not have to be formal religion. However, the bulk of her examples deal with people who are traditionally formally religious. Secular families may be left feeling that they need to do something for their kids, but what and how?
1 review
October 20, 2020
She calls this relational space with adults as the field of love— “a fluid, evolving, interpersonal space that [a child and an adult] both discover and create in relationship with one another.” And the bigger field of love—the larger and more loving those connections are—the more strongly it becomes “a source of resilience and protective results” for a child. Miller claims that this is when a child’s “innate spirituality” and adults’ support for this natural spirituality are “infused into the child’s daily field of relationship.” In the field of love, children are loved unconditionally and learn by example how to love unconditionally, and it functions as “scaffolding” for God’s hospitality and unconditional love.
Profile Image for Jenn.
11 reviews
May 13, 2020
This book was a slow read for me, as most non-fiction books are, but the last couple of chapters were just lovely and flew by! I really enjoyed hearing stories about real people and how spirituality enhanced their quality of life. I loved the 7 suggestions for parents towards the very end of the book; they were so helpful. I found the end especially poignant at this time of uncertainty in our lives. Worthwhile to read, especially if you have a kiddo heading towards adolescence, as there is a lot of good information on that stage of life.
1 review
May 23, 2022
important book but lost in an ocean of filler.

I recommend this book. The science here is critical. I do feel like I had to push through it at times, because finding the essential takes work with a book that seems to be striving to meet a minimal page requirements. I was not reading this book for casual pleasure, but to desperately learn what I needed to consider while raising my children. At times I got frustrated because I felt it was repetitive or just filler. In short I think this book is essential, but could of been one third the length.
Profile Image for Marie-rie.
37 reviews2 followers
April 20, 2024
I listened to this book. I only got 15% through it (almost 2 hours of audio), which was a few minutes into chapter 2. I just couldn't bring myself to listen to anymore. At this point it was still just loads of vague sounding "statistics," and she had yet to present me with any information that grabbed me or that I felt I could use. I also got the impression this book has religious leanings, which I'm not interested in. I found myself not enjoying this title at all.
252 reviews
December 30, 2024
This is a reminder that everyone has a connection to the greater world around them, that might be called your spirituality or your faith, or something different depending on your belief systems. Research is provided here to support the notion that when we help children acknowledge and connect, we give them tools of resilience.

Very well written, approachable, and non judgemental - written for everybody.
2 reviews
March 18, 2020
I found Miller's ideas to be helpful in understanding how spirituality - regardless of religion- influences children and their parents. As a Montessori educator nurturing the spirit of the child in the classroom is essential and Miller helps put some much needed "spiritually multicultural" language to childhood spiritual development.
Profile Image for Bryn Clark.
219 reviews1 follower
June 28, 2025
Lisa Millers research and findings have been pivotal to my life and work. But I liked the Awakened Brain much more- this was much more dense without saying much that wasn’t stated clearly in Awakened Brain, just repackaged from a parenting perspective. I do think it’s worth reading for parents however I wish it’d been better adapted for popular press.
Profile Image for Derek Winterburn.
300 reviews1 follower
October 16, 2017
This is an important book as it sets out the results of research into the value of addressing spiritual nurture. One feels that the conclusions could be set out in a book half the length, without the self publicity and repetitiousness.
Profile Image for Jennifer Roberts.
13 reviews
March 24, 2023
Kind of like a psychological explanation of spirituality and how it’s a big part of growing up and maturing. How having a sense of spirituality can help with so many aspects of life. Not religion but spirituality. So important!
Profile Image for Jann.
250 reviews
May 15, 2023
The best book I’ve read in years regarding parenting (and grandparenting). We all need to read it and figure out ways we can help the children in our lives stay connected to their transcendent, deeply spiritual natures.
Profile Image for Melissa Lefler.
249 reviews1 follower
August 6, 2023
Appreciated the practical tips and ideas for how to facilitate a child’s spiritual exploration and growth. Seemed a little repetitive, and some of the language meant to stay objective seemed kind of kooky.
10 reviews
September 15, 2017
If you want to hear that it's important to spend time with your child reading bed time stories, then read this. If you're looking for deeper insights, don't bother.
Profile Image for Don Gubler.
2,850 reviews30 followers
October 29, 2018
A bit clinical for a common audience but it packs a punch. An infant science with a lot of ground still to cover. But there are lessons here to learn and tools to use.
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