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496 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 31, 2025
Every time he has touched me before now feels insubstantial. I want to be inside his ribs. I want him to consume me. I want the certainty of forever, and yet to hear him say tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow,to hear him choose me every day, is a different kind of blessing.
I am still on my knees. In a way, I understand worship more clearly than ever before. What is God to me when I can see an amalgamate of myth, fear, and unknowable power made physical? What is God, who abandoned me as I abandoned Him, when Vengeance is here in the flesh?
"Amor," I whisper.
Love.
It's never been ruthlessness. Never on its own. Everything I've done, whether it be a soft action or a violent one, I've done out of love. (…)
But it is love. Sometimes selfish. Sometimes altruistic. It is not fairy-tale love, but the self-serving, the passionate, the desperate, the fearful kind, as often as it is the compassion-ate, the self-sacrificing, the rejection of hurt.
All the while, I hope he can hear the lifeblood of those actions, a vein pulsing with intention. You, you, you. It's all been for you, Leo.