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Stuck On You and Other Prime Cuts
A word of caution gentle reader - these tales will take you places you've never been before and may never dare revisit. They'll whisper truths so twisted you can only face them in the darkest hours of the night. They'll unlock desires so decadent you'll never wash their taint from your flesh. All it takes is a single turn of the page and your taste in dark fiction will be transformed forever.
So you have to ask yourself: 'How daring do I feel...?'
So you have to ask yourself: 'How daring do I feel...?'
- GenresHorror
272 pages, Paperback
Published September 30, 2014
7 people are currently reading
120 people want to read
About the author
Jasper Bark
55 books174 followersJasper Bark finds writing author biographies and talking about himself in the third person faintly embarrassing. Telling you that he’s an award winning author of four cult novels including the highly acclaimed ‘Way of the Barefoot Zombie’, just sounds like boasting. Then he has to mention that he’s written 12 children’s books and hundreds of comics and graphic novels and he wants to just curl up. He cringes when he has to reveal that his work has been translated into nine different languages and is used in schools throughout the UK to help improve literacy, or that he was awarded the This Is Horror Award for his last anthology ‘Dead Air’. Maybe he’s too British, or maybe he just needs a good enema, but he’s glad this bio is now over.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
November 20, 2014
Let’s get this out of the way upfront: Yes, these are dark tales. In them, gruesome and grotesque things frequently happen to people. Some will make you question the limits of human endurance. Some will make you question what you had for lunch, or kill your appetite stone dead. My experience of extreme horror writing is fairly limited, but if there’s stuff that’s hugely more extreme than these tales, I’m certainly not in any hurry to read them.
However, there’s something which for me is far, far more important than the darkness of these tales: namely, they are very, very good. Throughout this collection, Mr. Bark demonstrates a considerable level of ability to write in different voices, to tell vastly different tales. There are superlative first person narratives (Taking The Piss and Haunting The Past), tales from both sides of the Atlantic, one short story (Mouthful) told, appropriately enough, entirely through dialogue, and even a trip back in time, albeit it to the weirdest Wild West I’ve ever encountered. Mr. Bark moves between these prose styles and voices effortlessly, with the skill of a true storyteller, selecting the most appropriate or interesting mode of delivery, and then just nailing it.
Both Taking The Piss and Haunting The Past are especially well done in this regard – each first person narratives but with such different lead voices it’s hard to credit they come from the same mind. The foreword to the collection hints that the author may well have a theatrical background, which perhaps explains his uncanny ability to get inside the mind of a character. Haunting the Past is as inventive a ghost story as you’d expect from the title, with a delightful ending that evokes Lovecraft, and a surprising (and surprisingly deep) protagonist. Likewise, Taking The Piss is pretty much a master class in the short horror form – genuinely chilling, brutal yet fiercely intelligent, morally conflicted characters, and some exceptionally deft imagery call-back – this story is on my shortlist for best short horror story of 2014. And yes, okay – I wish I’d written it. It’s that good.
The novellas that bookend this collection are also both worthy of high praise. Stuck On You, the title piece, is a grotesquely delightful premise which Mr. Bark proceeds to mine for all it’s worth, skilfully interweaving flashbacks into the narrative. This one evoked some of Stephen King’s darker, more intimate survival horror pieces, though I doubt even he’d have picked quite so extreme a premise – and praise from me doesn’t come much higher than that.
Dead Scalp, the aforementioned Weird West tale, closes out the collection in fine form. It’s a jet black Western, with a set-up designed to exploit the tough, even hellish nature of life on the frontier, where violence is the only real law. However, the supernatural elements move the story way beyond that initial premise, to territories far darker, more gruesome, and ultimately deeper and more thoughtful.
So yes, Stuck On You is gross out horror, and yes, a strong stomach is required. But make no mistake, this is also deeply intelligent, skilfully written, intense and often angry horror, written by a storyteller of considerable skill, imagination, and talent. Stuck On You is old school good, and Jasper Bark is one to keep a very close eye on.
However, there’s something which for me is far, far more important than the darkness of these tales: namely, they are very, very good. Throughout this collection, Mr. Bark demonstrates a considerable level of ability to write in different voices, to tell vastly different tales. There are superlative first person narratives (Taking The Piss and Haunting The Past), tales from both sides of the Atlantic, one short story (Mouthful) told, appropriately enough, entirely through dialogue, and even a trip back in time, albeit it to the weirdest Wild West I’ve ever encountered. Mr. Bark moves between these prose styles and voices effortlessly, with the skill of a true storyteller, selecting the most appropriate or interesting mode of delivery, and then just nailing it.
Both Taking The Piss and Haunting The Past are especially well done in this regard – each first person narratives but with such different lead voices it’s hard to credit they come from the same mind. The foreword to the collection hints that the author may well have a theatrical background, which perhaps explains his uncanny ability to get inside the mind of a character. Haunting the Past is as inventive a ghost story as you’d expect from the title, with a delightful ending that evokes Lovecraft, and a surprising (and surprisingly deep) protagonist. Likewise, Taking The Piss is pretty much a master class in the short horror form – genuinely chilling, brutal yet fiercely intelligent, morally conflicted characters, and some exceptionally deft imagery call-back – this story is on my shortlist for best short horror story of 2014. And yes, okay – I wish I’d written it. It’s that good.
The novellas that bookend this collection are also both worthy of high praise. Stuck On You, the title piece, is a grotesquely delightful premise which Mr. Bark proceeds to mine for all it’s worth, skilfully interweaving flashbacks into the narrative. This one evoked some of Stephen King’s darker, more intimate survival horror pieces, though I doubt even he’d have picked quite so extreme a premise – and praise from me doesn’t come much higher than that.
Dead Scalp, the aforementioned Weird West tale, closes out the collection in fine form. It’s a jet black Western, with a set-up designed to exploit the tough, even hellish nature of life on the frontier, where violence is the only real law. However, the supernatural elements move the story way beyond that initial premise, to territories far darker, more gruesome, and ultimately deeper and more thoughtful.
So yes, Stuck On You is gross out horror, and yes, a strong stomach is required. But make no mistake, this is also deeply intelligent, skilfully written, intense and often angry horror, written by a storyteller of considerable skill, imagination, and talent. Stuck On You is old school good, and Jasper Bark is one to keep a very close eye on.
November 6, 2020
So please remember, ladies and gentlemen, should you ever feel the urge to read these tales a second time. Jasper Bark suffered to bring these stories to you. In fact he’s probably still suffering now if there’s any justice. And I don’t doubt some of those court cases he records may find their way into future collections, if their publishers don’t know what’s good for them. I just ask you to spare the poor man a thought as he types away, eyes and fingers welded in place for his own good. Forever.
August 2, 2021
I loved this collection of disturbing stories! Each one was so original and absurd which made me enjoy them even more. My favorites of the bunch were definitely Stuck on You, bc the whole situation was just crazy but also anxiety inducing and then that twisted ending..and Dead Scalp bc I'm always a sucker for a western horror, except this one had some serious originality and awesomeness added in. This was a 4.5/5 ingrown hair skull read 💀
October 21, 2014
Be warned, don't read this while eating. I have a pretty strong stomach and still felt those gagging reflexes kicking in whilst reading the first story, Stuck on You.
This was a fantastic collection of Jasper Bark's works. Well written and all amazingly original stories. I would be hard pressed to pick a favourite, as they were all contenders in their own right; each being so different to the next. However, The Castigation Crunch sticks out in my mind as being so unlike anything I have ever read before, that I would have to say this was probably my favourite.
I would highly recommend this to all horror fans, although I wouldn't class this as 'pulp'. I found- and this could just be me!!- that some of the stories do require some thought. It certainly wasn't bedtime reading for me, although some of the stories did linger until after dark.
This was a fantastic collection of Jasper Bark's works. Well written and all amazingly original stories. I would be hard pressed to pick a favourite, as they were all contenders in their own right; each being so different to the next. However, The Castigation Crunch sticks out in my mind as being so unlike anything I have ever read before, that I would have to say this was probably my favourite.
I would highly recommend this to all horror fans, although I wouldn't class this as 'pulp'. I found- and this could just be me!!- that some of the stories do require some thought. It certainly wasn't bedtime reading for me, although some of the stories did linger until after dark.
December 30, 2014
This well-written short story collection of the works of Jasper Bark is solid in all manner. With a refreshing and unique voice, Jasper will chum the waters of your imagination with this impressive gathering of horrors and shocks that will leave you questioning your morals as much as his characters may inwardly question their reality.
Taking The Piss is brilliantly brutal, leaving the reader feeling like the need for a nice hot shower afterward. Nicely executed revenge tale that brings with it a desire for hand sanitizer.
Dead Scalp is as good of a weird western as any others you will read this year. Bark captures the gritty windblown feel of an unforgiving time and opens the door to dimensions that would make Rod Serling blush.
Haunting The Past is a familiar ghost story with skeletons in it's closet. The Castigation Crunch proves that Hell is not safe from corporate takeover either, Mouthful will make you open wide in this tip of the hat to classic body horror, and of course there are a few more tasty treats in this collection that may shock, repulse, and humor you.
Of course, Stuck On You, which I have already reviewed and will not say any
thing more about this 5 star novella that takes all the fun out of banging a sexy smuggler in the woods after sneaking her into the country.
This collection is something you can go through in a day or weekend, tearing through these stories like an eager eight year old on Christmas morning. Or savor your time with these stories, chewing carefully as you float around inside the mind of a creative genius. You never know where he may have hidden that razor blade.
Taking The Piss is brilliantly brutal, leaving the reader feeling like the need for a nice hot shower afterward. Nicely executed revenge tale that brings with it a desire for hand sanitizer.
Dead Scalp is as good of a weird western as any others you will read this year. Bark captures the gritty windblown feel of an unforgiving time and opens the door to dimensions that would make Rod Serling blush.
Haunting The Past is a familiar ghost story with skeletons in it's closet. The Castigation Crunch proves that Hell is not safe from corporate takeover either, Mouthful will make you open wide in this tip of the hat to classic body horror, and of course there are a few more tasty treats in this collection that may shock, repulse, and humor you.
Of course, Stuck On You, which I have already reviewed and will not say any
thing more about this 5 star novella that takes all the fun out of banging a sexy smuggler in the woods after sneaking her into the country.
This collection is something you can go through in a day or weekend, tearing through these stories like an eager eight year old on Christmas morning. Or savor your time with these stories, chewing carefully as you float around inside the mind of a creative genius. You never know where he may have hidden that razor blade.
May 20, 2015
You never forget your firsts.
Not long ago I was sitting on the sofa, reading Jasper Bark’s Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts.
My wife looked over at me and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s…it’s just so horrible,” I mumbled without looking up. Apparently, my face had been making some pretty spectacular expressions on its own.
“Another bad book, huh.”
“No. This one…it’s great. Amazing. But it’s just so...horrible.”
That’s how I first encountered Jasper Bark’s talent. His breadth of imagination, knowledge of human nature, and power of description in Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts are breathtaking. He knows exactly where to put the alligator clips for maximum effect, and never lets up. There’s no mercy here, no appeal to a higher power. And no shallow end. Once you’re in, you’re in deep. Oh, you could try to pigeonhole tales like Haunting the Past into “ghost story” and The Castigation Crunch into “political satire”, but they go way beyond their categories, surprising you with not just their depth, but their narrative intent. Bark means to put you right there, completely out of your comfort zone, and he succeeds wildly.
The first story, Stuck on You, begins with an unbelievably awful situation that becomes even more horrible as the narrative progresses. Just when you think it can’t possibly get worse, you realize that you’re in way over your head. The flashbacks not only add context to the narrative but also increase the horror, especially with a graphic sex scene that, considering its placement in the text, is unbelievably discomfiting.
Taking the Piss is more than a clever title: it’s a meditation on brutality and payback served up by a narrator you’d cross the street to avoid. Sordid, horrific, and in the end, deliberately pointless.
The dry humor in The Castigation Crunch emphasizes its political/economic underpinnings in Swiftian fashion, with laugh-out-loud lines like, “They didn’t even get to stop off at the first level of Hell (otherwise known as ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Heaven’) where the virtuous non-believers usually landed.”
‘Ill Met by Moonlight’ uses clever Shakespearean wordplay in both title and substance; I won’t give anything away by describing it further.
How the Dark Bleeds is very hard to read; the building tension includes an appalling crime that you hope against hope doesn’t get committed. The Anglo-Saxon mythology underpinning the narrative is uniquely, atavistically disturbing.
Mouthful is a brief, horrific transcript of a conversation you never, ever want to be part of.
Bark elevates the collection with Haunting the Past, a terribly sad tale of ghosts, death, and imprisonment. The narrator’s physical predicament is a perfect mirror of his spiritual condition, and Bark somehow manages to make us sympathize with him. This one sticks with you a lot longer than you’d think.
My favorite story was End of the Line, both for its original premise and the macabre touches throughout. Because I liked it so much, I won’t spoil it for you.
Dead Scalp is a Western tale that goes so far off into left field that it may take you hours to find your way back. Despite its incredibly bizarre setting and events, it all makes terrible sense. I dare you to run right out and get a haircut after reading it.
If you haven’t read Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts, you are very, very lucky, because you’re in for a treat. And if it’s your first time with Jasper Bark, just be warned: he’s not going to be gentle, and he’s going to be staring into your eyes the whole time. Good luck.
(Review originally published at Ginger Nuts of Horror: http://www.gingernutsofhorror.com/4/p...)
Not long ago I was sitting on the sofa, reading Jasper Bark’s Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts.
My wife looked over at me and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“It’s…it’s just so horrible,” I mumbled without looking up. Apparently, my face had been making some pretty spectacular expressions on its own.
“Another bad book, huh.”
“No. This one…it’s great. Amazing. But it’s just so...horrible.”
That’s how I first encountered Jasper Bark’s talent. His breadth of imagination, knowledge of human nature, and power of description in Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts are breathtaking. He knows exactly where to put the alligator clips for maximum effect, and never lets up. There’s no mercy here, no appeal to a higher power. And no shallow end. Once you’re in, you’re in deep. Oh, you could try to pigeonhole tales like Haunting the Past into “ghost story” and The Castigation Crunch into “political satire”, but they go way beyond their categories, surprising you with not just their depth, but their narrative intent. Bark means to put you right there, completely out of your comfort zone, and he succeeds wildly.
The first story, Stuck on You, begins with an unbelievably awful situation that becomes even more horrible as the narrative progresses. Just when you think it can’t possibly get worse, you realize that you’re in way over your head. The flashbacks not only add context to the narrative but also increase the horror, especially with a graphic sex scene that, considering its placement in the text, is unbelievably discomfiting.
Taking the Piss is more than a clever title: it’s a meditation on brutality and payback served up by a narrator you’d cross the street to avoid. Sordid, horrific, and in the end, deliberately pointless.
The dry humor in The Castigation Crunch emphasizes its political/economic underpinnings in Swiftian fashion, with laugh-out-loud lines like, “They didn’t even get to stop off at the first level of Hell (otherwise known as ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Heaven’) where the virtuous non-believers usually landed.”
‘Ill Met by Moonlight’ uses clever Shakespearean wordplay in both title and substance; I won’t give anything away by describing it further.
How the Dark Bleeds is very hard to read; the building tension includes an appalling crime that you hope against hope doesn’t get committed. The Anglo-Saxon mythology underpinning the narrative is uniquely, atavistically disturbing.
Mouthful is a brief, horrific transcript of a conversation you never, ever want to be part of.
Bark elevates the collection with Haunting the Past, a terribly sad tale of ghosts, death, and imprisonment. The narrator’s physical predicament is a perfect mirror of his spiritual condition, and Bark somehow manages to make us sympathize with him. This one sticks with you a lot longer than you’d think.
My favorite story was End of the Line, both for its original premise and the macabre touches throughout. Because I liked it so much, I won’t spoil it for you.
Dead Scalp is a Western tale that goes so far off into left field that it may take you hours to find your way back. Despite its incredibly bizarre setting and events, it all makes terrible sense. I dare you to run right out and get a haircut after reading it.
If you haven’t read Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts, you are very, very lucky, because you’re in for a treat. And if it’s your first time with Jasper Bark, just be warned: he’s not going to be gentle, and he’s going to be staring into your eyes the whole time. Good luck.
(Review originally published at Ginger Nuts of Horror: http://www.gingernutsofhorror.com/4/p...)
June 10, 2020
"Stuck On You & Other Prime Cuts" is an exhilarating collection of horror stories! The opening novella is both titilating and gruesome, with an ending that literally made my jaw drop. I honestly hadn't seen it coming. The closing novella, "Dead Scalp", may well be my favorite piece of the collection. It's a horror-western with a strangely frightening premise . . . One which I won't give away. You'll have to read the book!
The stories sandwiched between the novellas are solid. "End of the Line" brilliantly captures space-time paradoxes that will stretch the imagination. "Haunting the Past" entertains a similar paradox, yet is an altogether different tale. "'Ill Met By Moonlight" is a truly fantastic story featuring Shakespearian wordplay, tense inner-conflict and a clever twist.
If you enjoy clever and original premises, captivating writing, and gruesome horror, you can't go wrong with this collection! As this is my first foray into Jasper Bark's demented imagination, I'm quite excited to check out more of his works.
The stories sandwiched between the novellas are solid. "End of the Line" brilliantly captures space-time paradoxes that will stretch the imagination. "Haunting the Past" entertains a similar paradox, yet is an altogether different tale. "'Ill Met By Moonlight" is a truly fantastic story featuring Shakespearian wordplay, tense inner-conflict and a clever twist.
If you enjoy clever and original premises, captivating writing, and gruesome horror, you can't go wrong with this collection! As this is my first foray into Jasper Bark's demented imagination, I'm quite excited to check out more of his works.
January 30, 2023
Beautiful. Absolutely, Beautiful. Vile, indeed, but oh, so good!
It's 12 AM and I'm way past my bedtime, so, I'll be coming back soon for a lengthy review.
In short, I absolutely loved every single one of these short stories! And honestly, I wished they'd never end!
Each of them deserves its own round of applause!
What a brilliant writer Jasper Bark is!
It's 12 AM and I'm way past my bedtime, so, I'll be coming back soon for a lengthy review.
In short, I absolutely loved every single one of these short stories! And honestly, I wished they'd never end!
Each of them deserves its own round of applause!
What a brilliant writer Jasper Bark is!
November 18, 2020
Well this was an interesting book. I really enjoyed some of the stories. Stuck On You was dark, disgusting and hilarious. Quite entertaining! Unfortunately there were a few that were just boring and hard to get through. Over all, I had fun with it so it gets a solid 3 stars.
July 6, 2023
I read the first two stories in this collection and they both just ended with puns... I could hear the damn rimshots in my head and I am furious.
The first one did get me in the gag reflex so props for that.
The first one did get me in the gag reflex so props for that.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews