At the start, I would wonder aloud what young Fritz was going to complain about that day - by the end, even as his mind unravels, he finds his footing and barks to his march. Reading Kant punishes a lazy mind - by contrast, N is addictive because he is a robust writer - as daring as any and not unlike an infection, spreading fever. Before you know it, the volts are flying off the ends of your hairs. Overall, I still can't say his letters were an exciting read - but informative, illuminating, yes. Poor Fritz and his (lifelong) physical and psychological suffering - punished, as it were, from nearly the start, with a profoundly lonely life. Painfully, powerfully lonely. This leads to a final question - was it worth it? Simplistic to ask, yes - but it comes through the correspondence like a white hot wire. Fritz was very aware of the nature of his own suffering - but he also believed the will to honesty was the highest virtue. So what was it? Ultimately? I quote the man himself, outside of his letters: "What are man's truths ultimately? Merely his irrefutable errors." The poor man needed a good woman. Anyway, some excerpts:
"One is honest about oneself either with a sense of shame or with vanity."
Letter to Gast, 8/14/1881: "Ah, my friend, sometimes the idea runs through my head that I am living an extremely dangerous life, for I am one of those machines which can explode. The intensities of my feeling make me shudder and laugh; several times I could not leave my room for the ridiculous reason that my eyes were inflamed - from what? Each time, I had wept too much on my previous day's walk, not sentimental tears but tears of joy; I sang and talked nonsense, filled with a glimpse of things which put me in advance of all other men."
Letter to Salome, 1882: "Lastly, my dear Lou, the old, deep, heartfelt plea: become the being you are! First, one has the difficulty of emancipating oneself from one's chains; and, ultimately, one has to emancipate oneself from this emancipation too! Each of us has to suffer, though in greatly differing ways, from the chain sickness, even after he has broken the chains."