Distancing: How Great Leaders Reframe to Make Better Decisions

by L. David Marquet, Michael Gillespie

Brought to you by Penguin.

Distance gives you perspective. Bestselling author of Turn the Ship Around! David Marquet and professor of psychology Michael Gillespie show you how to make better decisions by becoming your own coach.

Be yourself. Be fully present. Be in the moment. That is the message we hear constantly. Yet, the biggest obstacle to making wiser, more successful decisions is often... ourselves. Our limited perspective biases our choices, leading us to defend past actions rather than seek better alternatives. We need to step outside our narrow view and gain an objective, fresh perspective. In other words, we need a coach.

In Distancing, former David Marquet and Michael Gillespie show us how to coach ourselves into making better decisions using a powerful mental technique called psychological distancing. By
Self-distancing: we can be someone else, adopting a neutral observer’s perspective.
Spatial distancing: we can be somewhere else, zooming out and seeing ourselves as part of a larger picture.
Temporal distancing: we can be sometime else, assessing our decisions through the eyes of our future self.

Backed by compelling scientific research, real-world examples and hands-on exercises,
Distancing empowers you to break free from self-limiting patterns and make clearer, smarter choices. The tools are simple. The impact is profound.

L. David Marquet 2025 (P) Penguin Audio 2025

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Management

Audible Audio

Published August 14, 2025

About the author

David Marquet imagines a ​world where everyone engages and contributes their full intellectual capacity, a place where people are healthier and happier because they have more control over their work–a place where everyone is a leader.

David is the bestselling author of Turn the Ship Around!, the Turn the Ship Around Workbook, and the #1 new release Leadership is Language. Fortune magazine called Turn the Ship Around! the “best how-to manual anywhere for managers on delegating, training, and driving flawless execution.”

Turn folldsowers into leaders - www.davidmarquet.com
Learn about Intent-Based Leadership - www.intentbasedleadership.com
Enroll for your free 1-min leadership nudges - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM6P...

Reviews

[Jamie Bowen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit of a disappointment. There was nothing really revolutionary in here, although it was a good reminder of why I do certain things to give me distance from my decision making and to see things from a different perspective.

[Helen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Learnt a new word - illeism. Not sure a word warrants a book!

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for personal and professional development. I learnt a lot. It was very well written with lots of examples from different walks of life. Highly recommended. Thank you to the author. Thank you to #netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.

[ROLLAND Florence · Rating 5 out of 5]

This would be an excellent book for anyone who wants to learn how to make better decisions - as a person, and not just as a manager.

What makes the book so good?

1. The writing style is clear and straight to the point. This is probably the result of very careful editing (on top of good writing skills from the authors). It makes "Distancing" very easy to read.

2. All the points mentioned in the book are illustrated with striking real life examples. A large number of industries and cultures are leveraged to show that the method is universal and would work across cultures and industries. You will read a great deal of anecdotes about nuclear submarines (the specialty of one of the authors), but also acting, sports, chip manufacturing... This makes for an entertaining read.

3. All the points are backed with academic research. One of the authors is a psychology researcher, and it shows. On top of referencing widely available books, the authors are also diving into research articles, state of the art knowledge in cognitive science, and so on. Too many self-help books are not evidence based. "Distancing" is not one of them. You will find all the references neatly arranged in the notes at the end.

4. The presented method is immediately actionable. You do not need a lot of time. You do not need to attend expensive workshops. You do not need to be a manager. There are even exercises in the book that you can try right away (I suggest you pause your reading and do them, without waiting for the right moment).

5. This is a rather short book. You can make the time and read it, even if you are not a voracious reader. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with reading 1000+ pages doorstoppers myself. But this is the kind of "short, sweet, efficient" book that I would happily gift to my reports at work. High value, low time investment!

Thank you #NetGalley and Portfolio / Penguin for the ARC.

[Darya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Timely, thoughtful, and empowering book that delivers a powerful message: to make wiser decisions, we must learn to step outside ourselves. Written by leadership expert and former U.S. Navy Captain David Marquet, alongside psychologist Michael Gillespie, this book artfully blends neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and leadership insight to present a simple yet transformative idea—become your own coach through psychological distancing.
From the start, Marquet and Gillespie challenge the often-repeated mantra to “be fully present.” Instead, they advocate for a counterintuitive yet deeply impactful approach: distancing ourselves from the emotional immediacy of the moment to gain objectivity and clarity. Through three core strategies—self-distancing, spatial distancing, and temporal distancing—the authors guide readers to view their decisions through a wiser, broader lens. Each technique is made practical with well-researched examples, from everyday life choices to high-stakes business decisions.
The authors turn complex cognitive science into actionable tools, supported by real-life cases and reflection exercises that invite readers to apply the ideas immediately. Whether you're a leader navigating team dynamics, a professional facing career crossroads, or simply someone aiming to reduce daily anxiety, this book offers grounded, empowering strategies for clear and courageous thinking. Ultimately, it’s a guide to becoming more self-aware, less reactive, and more intentional in every area of life.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve enjoyed L. David Marquet’s other writing, and Distancing was another worthwhile read. The book focuses on how to step back from situations in order to make better decisions. Marquet introduces three practices—Be Someone Else, Be Somewhere Else, Be Sometime Else—which help you shift perspective by adopting the role of a coach, viewing the situation from afar, or imagining your wiser future self. Each practice offers a way to reduce anxiety, unlock insight, and improve judgment.

I’m not sure if it was intentional, but the approach felt very Stoic to me. By separating yourself from the emotions of the moment, you can make a more logical, rational choice rather than reacting impulsively. The three techniques provide a solid framework for creating that distance in different contexts.

It’s a concise book, but a useful one—easy to read and easy to apply. If you’ve liked Marquet’s other work, this is a thoughtful addition with practical takeaways.

[Niko Antushevich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Distancing is a clear, actionable guide for becoming less reactive and more intentional in decision-making. By using techniques like imagining yourself as someone else, viewing a situation from afar, or asking what your future self would want, the book gives tools to see past emotion, ego, and immediate pressure. It’s filled with stories, psychology, and practices I can actually use in my life. Highly recommended if you want to make decisions you’ll look back on without regret.

[Divyesh Sheth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book explains how one can make better decisions by distancing ourselves from the current situation and reevaluate situation from far and get to better decision. Author talks about three types of distancing techniques to make better decisions. The book lacks guidance on when these techniques are necessary as it is clear not all situations need distancing.