8 Keys to Raising the Quirky Child: How to Help a Kid Who Doesn't (Quite) Fit In

by Mark Bowers

Tips and strategies for parents of kids who are “different” than all the rest. A quirky child experiences difficulty fitting in and connecting with others usually due to an interpersonal style or behavior that stands out from the other kids. Maybe they are obsessed with a topic of interest or spend excessive hours a day reading, playing video games, or playing with just one toy. These kids are not so far afield as to fall on the autism spectrum, but they are unique, and their behaviors are not addressed in typical parenting books.

This book defines quirky markers and offers strategies for parents to understand their children’s brains and behaviors; to know what is developmentally appropriate, and what isn’t; to understand how to reach their kids; and to help facilitate their social functioning in the world.

It will calm the hearts and minds of parents who worry that their child doesn’t fit in and offer hope to parents who need strategies to support their quirky child’s overall development.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

320 pages, Paperback

First published July 13, 2015

Reviews

[Cricket Muse]

Having a child in the family who tends to dance to a different drumbeat can definitely make for interesting times. There are scads of helpful advice parenting books available on different aspects of raising a child who cycles off the "norm" ranging from discipline to creative parenting approaches, they don't always fill the bill. Unfortunately, Bowers approach, though initially promising, doesn't quite offer as much help as hoped. This book fits better for parents who have might have a child with extreme personalities and are trying to figure "normative" behavior, rather for those who have a child with a penchant toward a creative filter towards life.

This book does help in terms of determining range and offers advice on figuring out that question, "Is this normal behavior?" through a series of questions (p.5). There is also a strategy for time and place behavior that works well for children to better understand why their behavior may not be appropriate:
1. Where am I?
2. What am I doing?
3. Who am I with?
Thus loudly talking in the doctor's office next to a sleeping baby leads to possible 1,2,3 strategy the child can learn instead of a parent having to say "stop it" and getting into a "why?" session.
Actually, this strategy could work well in the classroom as well.

[Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn’t the type of book where you’re going to go, “this sounds like my kid exactly.” He’s talking about a wide group of kids which the behaviors and treatment isn’t going to be an exact match for everyone. He talks about kids from toddlers to teenagers with a wide variety of issues (from social to sensory) which obviously isn’t a one-size-fits all. Some of his strategies (things like social groups) aren’t going to work for a toddler but the ideas behind it can be applied to kids who don’t necessarily fit the mold of what he’s talking about. I think that’s why some reviewers aren’t resonating with this book - and it’s not written in a hand-holding self-help kind of way a lot of other books on the topic are. I appreciate that he is just giving his professional experience and sharing what’s worked for the kids he’s worked with. It’s not going to work for everyone but it’s still giving ideas.

The author specifically says this is NOT written for kids with a medical diagnosis or for kids on the spectrum. He does talk about autism a couple times during the book, though. What he’s really digging into is kids who may be struggling because they don’t fit the mold but it’s not obviously why they may be struggling or the type of support they need. What a kid with sensory issues needs is different from a child with high iq/low emotional intelligence, for example.

[Bert Thompson · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author blames victims for “contributing to the attraction of bullying“ and sympathizes with the bullies, who are merely trying to “give feedback“ to a child they find annoying. That’s an absolute NO. There can be no tolerance for bullying for any reason. More generally, Bowers makes no attempt to understand the feelings, experiences, or point of view of the “quirky” children he describes. He can only see things from the point of you of the poor, stressed outparents who have to cope with a child who isn’t what they expected. This reveals a significant disability in “theory of mind“ for the author. He simply can’t imagine that anyone else’s feelings or reactions would be different from his own. most of his recommendations are for behavioral modification techniques that will not work for quirky children. He is unaware of the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown. Not everything in this book is pernicious, but most of it is. I cannot recommend this book for anyone.

[Karen Flatley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was a good read but too repetitive.

[Jessica Corwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent tips. Tangible tools.

[Carlye · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this really interesting and it is helping me in the beginnings of assessing my 'quirky' kid. Left me with a positive feeling which was nice.

[Stina · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The closer you are to the child in terms of physical proximity when you inform him of a transition, the more likely you are to have a successful transition." (42)

"As children enter the elementary school years, especially fourth grade and up, it is strongly encouraged that you ... sign up for one activity outside of the home during the school year. This not only promotes breadth seeking, especially for a child who is getting older and should not only be at home doing activities with a parent, it also creates opportunities for more social interaction." (62)

"Four-year-olds crave adult approval. Provide lots of encouragement. Display calendars and analog clocks to help your child visualize the concept of time. Play word games to develop his growing vocabulary. Offer opportunities for sorting, matching, counting and comparing. Provide lots of play space and occasions to play with other kids." (175-176)

[Elaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was not nearly as helpful as I had hoped. Despite the title and the author's claims, this is much more helpful for parents of children on the Autism spectrum or really close to it. The only real help this gave me was the knowledge that my kids are actually way more on the "normative" scale than I ever imagined them to be.

[Starr · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not quite the right audience for this book. I have one child who could almost be called quirky (by this book's definition), but it's not a good enough fit for most of the advice here.