Good Anger: How Rethinking Rage Can Change Our Lives

by Sam Parker

Bloomsbury presents Good How Rethinking Rage Can Change Our Lives, written and read by Sam Parker

'A marvellous book ... enhances our understanding of ourselves and others' IRVINE WELSH

One of the best books to look out for in 2025 – The Independent

How a misunderstood emotion can offer you clarity, purpose and strength

We are used to complaining there is too much anger in the world. But what about the cost of having too little? And what if, instead of fearing anger, we learned to use it wisely?

In Good Anger, journalist Sam Parker investigates how one of our most complex emotions became a taboo and the cost that suppressing it has on our mental and physical health, relationships and society. He argues that, rather than trip us up or fill us with shame, anger can be turned into a life-enhancing source of bravery, purpose and self-respect.

Drawing on insights from psychology, ancient philosophy and emotional science, Parker looks at the gendered expectations around anger, how repressed rage shows up in our bodies, and the crucial role processing anger plays in treating depression and anxiety. We learn how understanding anger can improve every facet of our lives, from love to creativity to professional success.

This provocative and seemingly counterintuitive book is for people-pleasers, conflict avoiders and self-improvers. It reminds us that embracing our emotions – even the ones that scare or confuse us – can help us become stronger, happier people.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Education

Audible Audio

Published June 5, 2025

Reviews

[Chris Boutté · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s possible that I was setting too high of expectations for this book based on my personal history with anger. I used to have a lot of anger issues before I got sober in 2012. After getting sober, I learned to use my anger as a tool for motivation and how to manage it without doing more harm to myself or others, so I was pretty excited to read this book. Unfortunately, it just kind of missed the mark for me.

One of the main issues with this book for me was that it was mainly a book about mental health, and then it felt like the author was trying to make the topic of anger fit into whatever topic he was discussing. If you want to learn more about mental health in general, this may be a decent book, but there are some other issues that I’ll discuss in a minute. There were definitely some high points in this book, but overall, it fell kind of flat for me.

My biggest issue with this book was the constant Gabor Mate and Bessel van der Kolk (author of The Body Keeps the Score) references. Yes, there’s no doubt that anger plays a role in the body, but when an author starts speaking about these two guys like they’re serious scientists, it really turns me off from the book. Bessel’s book is ridiculously popular, yet has been debunked as pseudoscience countless times, and not many people who believe in science take Mate seriously, either. And these two are referenced from almost the very beginning of this book until the end.

I respect the intent behind the author’s book, but I think it’s important that if you’re going to try showcasing the topics in a book as scientifically backed that you check to see if the people you’re highlighting are controversial and why. I think maybe once he mentions that some people disagree with Gabor Mate and then starts defending him. Just not great when discussing serious topics, in my opinion.

[Mark Harper-Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reasonably good, and I genuinely hope it helps some people.

[Rachel Kidd · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this really helpful overall. There were a lot of chapters with background information which talked about the history of anger which wasn’t particularly useful. I always say I was an angry child but it’s made me realised that actually as a child I felt free to express my emotions, including anger but as I got older I had to suppress it. Reading this book has enabled me to allow myself to feel and be angry without shame and realise that I need to make some changes in my life.

[Joe · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very "a journalist wrote this," in that it's 85% arguing (by means of Science and Interviews With Experts) for claims about how Important the subject is, 5% anecdotes, and 10% useful ideas for addressing the subject. The anecdotes are excellent, they seem to me the best and truest (most honest) parts and of the book. The useful ideas are useful. But the arguing is most of the book, and it's doing a shit job of arguing.

Most of the book is various ways of justifying the claim of "wait, there is such a thing as good anger actually!" Going into this book I was already sold on the existence of good anger so such justifications were totally useless. A lot of it is also justifying claims that "it would be really great if we could acknowledge the existence of good anger and if we could relate to anger better," which I also did not need to be sold on. And frankly, I don't think those who disagree should take these lines of argument seriously --- I made dozens of marginal notes about dubious sounding studies. Methods of justifying include Statistics, Science(TM), and interviews with 'experts' on various topics about anger. I find the interviews a mixed bag --- inasmuch as they are "proving good anger exists," again, useless. Inasmuch as they are pointing at how to get there, which is maybe 10%: useful.

I skipped two entire chapters because they're banging on drums that that have rattled my bones more than enough already.

I found ~15%, or ~30 pages of content, useful. It does seem useful, and there's a lot of extra stuff around it which ideally I would not have needed to read to find the useful bits. How useful it is... TBD.

[Periplus Bookshop · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emosi marah sering kali dianggap sebagai sesuatu yang harus dihindari atau dikendalikan, tetapi bagaimana jika kita bisa mengubah cara pandang kita terhadap kemarahan dan memanfaatkannya untuk kebaikan? Dalam buku ini, pembaca diajak untuk melihat kemarahan dari sudut yang berbeda, yaitu sebagai kekuatan positif yang dapat membawa perubahan dalam hidup. Melalui pendekatan yang lebih dalam dan penuh refleksi, penulis menggali alasan mengapa kita merasa marah dan bagaimana kita bisa meresponsnya dengan cara yang lebih sehat dan produktif. Konsep “kemarahan yang baik” ini tidak hanya membantu kita mengelola emosi, tetapi juga memberi kesempatan untuk memahami diri sendiri dan orang lain lebih baik. Dengan menghadirkan berbagai contoh dan teori dari psikologi, buku ini memberikan wawasan tentang bagaimana kita bisa mengubah kebiasaan negatif terkait kemarahan menjadi kekuatan yang mendorong pertumbuhan pribadi. Buku ini sangat cocok untuk mereka yang merasa terjebak dalam siklus kemarahan yang destruktif, atau siapa saja yang ingin lebih mengerti tentang cara emosi bekerja dalam kehidupan mereka. Bagi pembaca yang tertarik pada pengembangan diri, psikologi, atau teknik-teknik manajemen emosi, buku ini adalah bacaan yang berharga. https://blog.periplus.com/2025/05/26/...

[Andreas Konstantinou · Rating 5 out of 5]

For centuries, anger has been treated as a problem to fix. A moral flaw. A threat. The prelude to violence. One of the seven deadly sins. In *Good Anger*, Sam Parker turns this thinking upside down and makes a radical, liberating case: anger is not the enemy of mental health—it’s actually a prerequisite to it.

The book reframes anger - he argues that it’s not outbursts or rage that pose the greatest risk, but the anger we never express—the kind that simmers, turns inward, and manifests as self-criticism, tension or even self-harm. As Freud powerfully put it, depression is often anger turned against the self.

The author takes us on a journey through how society has misunderstood anger—from religious teachings (“turn the other cheek”) to modern gender norms that demand women smile through gritted teeth. We find out how girls internalize anger three times more often than boys, and how black men face the stereotypical bias of unexpressed anger.

Anger, when integrated, becomes a compass. It alerts us when our boundaries are crossed. When something core to our values has been violated. And when mastered, it becomes a source of power—fuel for change, clarity, and self-respect.

A liberating, insightful, and deeply human read. Highly recommended for anyone who self describes as a people pleaser.

[Giannis Papadopoulos · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried to give it a shot, but it fell so short of my expectations that I ended up did not finishing it.

I read the first three chapters, which are mostly filled with very superficial historical references to texts from over 1,500 years ago, content which I found quite pointless. I don’t know if the "magic" happens in the later chapters, but the "how rethinking..." part of the title was not there.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came to this book by recommendation of a podcast interviewing the author. I was so intrigued, I got the audiobook. It helped me understand so much of my past reactions that never quite matched the situation and helped me navigate my current divorce without going to prison lol! I’m not sure I get the flat reviews. I was cheering from my car especially the sections about the framing of anger for women. To each their own I suppose.

[Julia Stewart-Nichols · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super engaging, smart, and full of “aha” moments. A fresh, empowering take on something we all deal with.

[Elias Kreouzis · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 Αστέρια για ορισμένες ιδέες που πραγματικά βοήθησαν. 0 για τις προπαγανδιστηκές απόψεις του συγραφέα.

[Costas Flp · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's worth reading until the end. A useful guide for further research as it provides a brief overview of the contemporary scientific dialogue around anger.