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Sunlight on My Shadow: After years of secrecy, a pregnant teen's regretful story is brought to light
In 1966, when Judy became pregnant at the age of 16, her family kept her plight a secret. She was sent from her all-girls Catholic school to hide in a home for unwed mothers, give birth, and relinquish her baby girl to adoption. The fabricated story of her kidney disease was supposed to undo the impending damage to her reputation. Judy's father instructed her to never look back.
Judy felt the grief and shame within her body and fought to keep it contained within the shadows of silence. But as an adult, she felt compelled to address the loss by searching for her birth daughter and bringing her story to light. Judy experiences firsthand that secrets keep your soul hidden in shame and stifle the clarity of your true being. In the end, Judy sails free from the shadows of silence and experiences a deeper, more compassionate connection with herself and others.
This satisfying story of renewal and redemption will bring tears and laughter. As an adult, Judy reflects on her teen age innocence, telling her story with raw honesty. Watch the book trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLTe10... Visit Judy's blog at: http://sunlightonmyshadow.com
Judy felt the grief and shame within her body and fought to keep it contained within the shadows of silence. But as an adult, she felt compelled to address the loss by searching for her birth daughter and bringing her story to light. Judy experiences firsthand that secrets keep your soul hidden in shame and stifle the clarity of your true being. In the end, Judy sails free from the shadows of silence and experiences a deeper, more compassionate connection with herself and others.
This satisfying story of renewal and redemption will bring tears and laughter. As an adult, Judy reflects on her teen age innocence, telling her story with raw honesty. Watch the book trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLTe10... Visit Judy's blog at: http://sunlightonmyshadow.com
280 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 16, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews
August 16, 2013
This book will be widely read in the coming years. Judy's book is a rare combination; fine writing, a heart-wrenching story, and a salve for the soul of the sensitive. Everyone takes different things from life...a book read, a movie watched, a news article, a chance meeting, a dream. We act and interpret according to our characters and experiences. Sixty years ago (as I write this), my mother was moving into the last 48 hours of her pregnancy with the first of her eleven sons, me. She bore 4 daughters too, and she lies buried within shouting distance of where I sit. She was 47 when she died; killed, I thought for many years, by her Catholic faith, and its fierce hunger for more Catholics. We, her children were left with our own demons.
What I took from Judy's book was this: in matters of the heart, of guilt and of shame, of crushing regret, seek not forgiveness from others, turn first to yourself. It is not so much the story of an unwed mother, a teenage pregnancy, a culture of banishing the black sheep lest the neighbours talk (God help us all...how many tears have been shed for the sake of 'what people might think'?); it is a lesson in how to value yourself, how to heal yourself.
Judy's long-seeping wound was inflicted by society. To the millions of other Judys of both genders who will read this book, your wounds will not necessarily be from lost children, but, with luck, Judy's simple solution will help you find peace. Her story takes a long time to tell...she will take you to her childhood bedroom, her school, the Rocky Mountains, Big Sur, her subtly skilful writing carrying you through the years right alongside her. The story is long, but the message is short...forgive yourself.
Thank you, Judy. And good luck. We have never met. But we have.
What I took from Judy's book was this: in matters of the heart, of guilt and of shame, of crushing regret, seek not forgiveness from others, turn first to yourself. It is not so much the story of an unwed mother, a teenage pregnancy, a culture of banishing the black sheep lest the neighbours talk (God help us all...how many tears have been shed for the sake of 'what people might think'?); it is a lesson in how to value yourself, how to heal yourself.
Judy's long-seeping wound was inflicted by society. To the millions of other Judys of both genders who will read this book, your wounds will not necessarily be from lost children, but, with luck, Judy's simple solution will help you find peace. Her story takes a long time to tell...she will take you to her childhood bedroom, her school, the Rocky Mountains, Big Sur, her subtly skilful writing carrying you through the years right alongside her. The story is long, but the message is short...forgive yourself.
Thank you, Judy. And good luck. We have never met. But we have.
September 3, 2013
Judy Liautaud has written a thoughtful, reflective and remarkably honest memoir and a sad commentary about our culture’s remarkably dishonest demand for conformity and denial regarding our traditions and our humanity. She, as have hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, of teenage women, violated the unrealistic taboo on having sex before marriage and became pregnant while in high school in 1967, the year my high school sweetheart, like Judy, went off to a home for unwed mothers (in my girlfriend’s case, the Florence Crittenton Home for Unwed Mothers in Youngstown, Ohio) to protect her and her family from the shame and disapproval of friends, family, school, neighbors and, of course, church. She uses this experience to reveal to us how it felt to a young girl to have to shoulder the disapproval of a staid and hypocritical world and, mostly on her own, bear the shame and confusion of hiding truth to protect her family from it. She does a great job of describing the zeitgeist of mid-20thcentury America and uses her own hero’s journey to paint a lovely landscape of the path to spiritual awakening with humility and courage. This is an easy and revealing read.
August 29, 2013
I had a couple of friends in high school whose story could have been Judy's. Teen pregnancy was something we only whispered about, behind the backs of those we suspected, or knew, were pregnant. It was a shame, an embarrassment, something to dread that could even happen to you. This book gave life to the hushed-up experiences of those in our teen years who suffered silently for months and years over the child they brought into the world but could never know as their own. I appreciated Judy's honesty through her story, sharing the confusion, the pain, the carelessness, the joys and the sorrows of the whole experience, from its beginning through to the years way later. This is a life-changing event of deep significance for all involved. Judy wrote very well, which I much appreciate in a memoir. Too often these great stories are poorly written, but this is not the case. She shared her heart and her life, and write with skill. I would recommend this book.
December 6, 2015
Did not like this book. Wanted to stop reading it, but my compulsiveness took over and forced me to make it to the end.
This is a basic tale of a girl who got pregnant at 16 and, because of the times (1960s), was forced to move into a home for unwed mothers until she delivered. She was told by her father to never to speak of this part of her life again. The best part was when she grows up, comes to terms with what happened (through some weird birth hypnosis) and tries to find her now-grown daughter.
The writing was subpar, overly dramatic at turns, followed by a lack of any engaging description. She dabbled in examining things like her relationship with her parents, the connection between her Catholic faith and her illicit pregnancy, etc. but never really concluded anything or took it to the next level. It was all pretty medium.
I think my overall problem with this book was it was only about her thoughts and feelings. She doesn't get to know any of the other girls at the unwed mothers home, she barely references her siblings or friends, and the baby's father plays almost no role after conception, so no other characters develop in the entire saga. There were only one or two scenarios that tugged at my heart -- the rest was just like reading a diary written by a 60-year-old, trying to sound like a 16-year-old. For example: "His rapt attention started me thinking about letting love take us to the physical wonderland." What? Who talks like that?
Or: "If our lust carried us away, let the sails fill with the winds of love." Gag.
And my favorite: "It was decadent to be using the car as a bedroom, just sitting there in the dark, kissing, and rounding the bases, practicing for a home run." And what a home run it was, am I right?
The quintessential climax of the book: "Oh Mick, I'm in a boatload of trouble. My dad found out."
Or this great line: "He had sexed me."
And finally, "Frozen shards of shame pierced my innocence."
Okay, you get the idea. Bad writing. Off-balance. Not interesting.
Also, she references her mother's perfume as Channel Number 5. That was unforgivable.
This is a basic tale of a girl who got pregnant at 16 and, because of the times (1960s), was forced to move into a home for unwed mothers until she delivered. She was told by her father to never to speak of this part of her life again. The best part was when she grows up, comes to terms with what happened (through some weird birth hypnosis) and tries to find her now-grown daughter.
The writing was subpar, overly dramatic at turns, followed by a lack of any engaging description. She dabbled in examining things like her relationship with her parents, the connection between her Catholic faith and her illicit pregnancy, etc. but never really concluded anything or took it to the next level. It was all pretty medium.
I think my overall problem with this book was it was only about her thoughts and feelings. She doesn't get to know any of the other girls at the unwed mothers home, she barely references her siblings or friends, and the baby's father plays almost no role after conception, so no other characters develop in the entire saga. There were only one or two scenarios that tugged at my heart -- the rest was just like reading a diary written by a 60-year-old, trying to sound like a 16-year-old. For example: "His rapt attention started me thinking about letting love take us to the physical wonderland." What? Who talks like that?
Or: "If our lust carried us away, let the sails fill with the winds of love." Gag.
And my favorite: "It was decadent to be using the car as a bedroom, just sitting there in the dark, kissing, and rounding the bases, practicing for a home run." And what a home run it was, am I right?
The quintessential climax of the book: "Oh Mick, I'm in a boatload of trouble. My dad found out."
Or this great line: "He had sexed me."
And finally, "Frozen shards of shame pierced my innocence."
Okay, you get the idea. Bad writing. Off-balance. Not interesting.
Also, she references her mother's perfume as Channel Number 5. That was unforgivable.
November 10, 2013
This book brought back the way it really was in the 60's if you were a good girl who got in trouble. The first 2 chapters really drug me back to a time when if this happened to you, your choices were 1) marry the father; 2) if your parents were well off they flew you to a country where abortion was legal and you had a sterile abortion by a medically trained expert; 3) if it was against your religion or your parents couldn't afford #2 above, then you were sent away to a home for unwed mothers where they usually strongly recommended you give your baby up for adoption or 4)if you were poor or scared to tell you parents because you knew what would happen, you went to a back ally abortionist where attempted abortions were given on kitchen tables by untrained people with unsterile equipment such as kitchen knives and hangers and if you didn't die on that kitchen table you probably died in a few days from either bleeding to death slowly or infection and if you survived that, many had so much scar tissue they could never conceive again and the final option was that you had your baby and you were shunned by the town completely, you couldn't go back to school because you were a bad influence on the students and you could only get a minimum wage job because you had no education and no experience. Far cry from the way it is today where girls get pregnant, go to school pregnant and have day care provided by the schools. This book should really be read by most every young woman so they know how it used to be.
May 26, 2013
**Received Copy From Author**
This was an amazing memoir!
Its such as shock to think that there was a time when pregnant, unwed teen were in fact NOT given a t.v. show but sent away to hidden homes for Unwed Mothers. I have always thought maybe this is where we should go back to, when pregnant teenagers were still considered taboo, this has given me a new point of view to consider.
Judy wrote this with her heart and soul, that much is clear.Struggling with her parents, her secrets and her religion, she holds nothing back. Catholicism is a very hard religion to live by. Sins are what consumes up during our up bringing, having it drilled into our head from an early age. That and this and that are all sins, don't be a sinner. Judy was one of those girls who took it to heart, causing her to have a lifetime of doubt. Being Catholic, it seems as we get older, we either lose our faith or hold onto it tightly with no in between. However, Judy struggled with it non-stop.
There are times in this book you want to shake her and scream what are you doing?! Then there are times where you forgive her for her actions because you can really feel the remorse and pain coming from her words when she realizes it was all a mistake.
The Author held nothing back: Her pain, Her mistakes, Her conceivable actions while pregnant, Her healing. An amazing memoir this is.
This was an amazing memoir!
Its such as shock to think that there was a time when pregnant, unwed teen were in fact NOT given a t.v. show but sent away to hidden homes for Unwed Mothers. I have always thought maybe this is where we should go back to, when pregnant teenagers were still considered taboo, this has given me a new point of view to consider.
Judy wrote this with her heart and soul, that much is clear.Struggling with her parents, her secrets and her religion, she holds nothing back. Catholicism is a very hard religion to live by. Sins are what consumes up during our up bringing, having it drilled into our head from an early age. That and this and that are all sins, don't be a sinner. Judy was one of those girls who took it to heart, causing her to have a lifetime of doubt. Being Catholic, it seems as we get older, we either lose our faith or hold onto it tightly with no in between. However, Judy struggled with it non-stop.
There are times in this book you want to shake her and scream what are you doing?! Then there are times where you forgive her for her actions because you can really feel the remorse and pain coming from her words when she realizes it was all a mistake.
The Author held nothing back: Her pain, Her mistakes, Her conceivable actions while pregnant, Her healing. An amazing memoir this is.
March 12, 2013
A heart-breaking, yet heart-warming memoir that you will never forget!
Honest, raw and flowing with emotion, "Sunlight on my Shadow" is the story of the author's amazing journey through life. It begins with her teen-age pregnancy back in the 1960s, the days when pregnant girls were sent away to homes for unwed mothers. "Judy L" as she was called after having to relinquish her last name, had no choice but to give her beloved baby up for adoption. Her life would never be the same...
Haunted for years by ghosts from the past and the secret she still kept from the rest of the world, Judy finally decided to work her way through her buried grief. She found and met her long-lost daughter and began writing this memoir. Through this process, she learned to forgive herself. She found the strength to reveal her secret, freeing herself from the shame and sorrow. Finally, some forty years after the birth of her first child, Judy bround sunlight into the shadow of her life.
Judy's story speaks to the heart. It offers inspiration and hope for anyone who has struggled with secrets, shame and sorrow over events from the past. Doesn't that apply to most of us?
By Janet Kay
Author of Amelia 1868
http://www.novelsbyjanetkay.com
Honest, raw and flowing with emotion, "Sunlight on my Shadow" is the story of the author's amazing journey through life. It begins with her teen-age pregnancy back in the 1960s, the days when pregnant girls were sent away to homes for unwed mothers. "Judy L" as she was called after having to relinquish her last name, had no choice but to give her beloved baby up for adoption. Her life would never be the same...
Haunted for years by ghosts from the past and the secret she still kept from the rest of the world, Judy finally decided to work her way through her buried grief. She found and met her long-lost daughter and began writing this memoir. Through this process, she learned to forgive herself. She found the strength to reveal her secret, freeing herself from the shame and sorrow. Finally, some forty years after the birth of her first child, Judy bround sunlight into the shadow of her life.
Judy's story speaks to the heart. It offers inspiration and hope for anyone who has struggled with secrets, shame and sorrow over events from the past. Doesn't that apply to most of us?
By Janet Kay
Author of Amelia 1868
http://www.novelsbyjanetkay.com
September 1, 2013
Why the heck would someone kick girls out of their store just for being pregnant and unwed? The problem is if you're going to make something as appealing as sex out to be a sin, you're going to have side effects. Side effects like teenage pregnancy because you live in an era where you can't get reliable birth control, where you can't even get a condom that hasn't lived for 3 years in someone's wallet because if you prepared to have sex you'd be a bad girl.
Why is a person bad for doing something almost every human being wants to do? Why was it considered so terrible that she had gotten pregnant? Then she had to make the painful choice, no, she was forced into giving up her child for adoption.
This is a complicated issue. For her, it caused a lot of pain, but it turned out OK. But for millions of girls who went away and were forced into this, it wasn't OK. It wasn't OK for the birth fathers too who also suffered the loss of closed adoption.
So read this book, educate your sons and daughters about healthy sexuality and don't be like the 50s and 60s. They gave such mixed messages. Like a boy HAD to make a move on a girl, but the girl had to be the one to say no or she was considered a slut. Why do we even consider a person a slut just for doing what nature says to do?
Why is a person bad for doing something almost every human being wants to do? Why was it considered so terrible that she had gotten pregnant? Then she had to make the painful choice, no, she was forced into giving up her child for adoption.
This is a complicated issue. For her, it caused a lot of pain, but it turned out OK. But for millions of girls who went away and were forced into this, it wasn't OK. It wasn't OK for the birth fathers too who also suffered the loss of closed adoption.
So read this book, educate your sons and daughters about healthy sexuality and don't be like the 50s and 60s. They gave such mixed messages. Like a boy HAD to make a move on a girl, but the girl had to be the one to say no or she was considered a slut. Why do we even consider a person a slut just for doing what nature says to do?
November 10, 2013
Fascinating look at another era. Goodness I really had no idea what these poor girls went through. Judy is only 3 years older than me so it brought back memories of how it was only my view was so different with the perspective of my age and how society has changed. My heart ached for her when she described giving birth all alone just a baby having a baby! It was so shocking to think that her parents could be so cruel and at the same time I realized they were not cruel but believed they were doing the right thing. I would recommend this book
August 26, 2015
An interesting look at one woman's teen pregnancy & how it impacted her life
Judy Liautaud writes about a time period I know well, as I graduated from high school a year before she did. I've long been interested in this topic as I could easily have found myself in similar circumstances. In addition, I have a cousin who did and is an activist regarding opening up adoption records for all adults. The most important message here is one I have seen the truth of repeatedly. We are as sick as our secrets.
Judy Liautaud writes about a time period I know well, as I graduated from high school a year before she did. I've long been interested in this topic as I could easily have found myself in similar circumstances. In addition, I have a cousin who did and is an activist regarding opening up adoption records for all adults. The most important message here is one I have seen the truth of repeatedly. We are as sick as our secrets.
May 27, 2014
Sunlight on my shadow
Sunlight on my shadow
I am a adopted child of the 60s I have always wondered about where I came from my birthday is also June 30 but in1962 Judy's book brought me peace and helped bring me to understand I too wish to know where I came from. I will use some of her choices she referenced to. thank u judy
Sunlight on my shadow
I am a adopted child of the 60s I have always wondered about where I came from my birthday is also June 30 but in1962 Judy's book brought me peace and helped bring me to understand I too wish to know where I came from. I will use some of her choices she referenced to. thank u judy
May 7, 2020
I felt so in tune with the author, Judy Liautaud. Although l did not have a teenage pregnancy, I could totally relate to the catholic school upbringing and the way we were taught that sex was evil and/or dirty. This is a beautiful story. I found it hard to put down.
Want to read
January 22, 2013Found a family member who might have copy. Looking forward to reading it. Trailer is great.
September 1, 2013
quick read. free book from Amazon. Pretty good.
October 3, 2015
Great read
Finished the story very quickly, grew up Catholic during the same years as Judy. So glad it had a loving ending.
Finished the story very quickly, grew up Catholic during the same years as Judy. So glad it had a loving ending.
November 15, 2018
In 1966, a 16 year-old girl became pregnant, and being from a suburban Catholic family, couldn't have that become known. So she was sent away until she had her baby. That wasn't uncommon for the time, but what was that really like? And how does that kind of experience impact a young girl? This memoir describes that, explores her feelings and shows how it stays with Judy Liautraud, the author (or Judy L as she had to be known at the home for pregnant teens.) Although she goes along, and seems to agree with, her parent's plan, she doesn't recognize how she will feel about the baby when she is born and for years to come.
November 14, 2019
Coming full circle
Such a brave and honest recalling of what happened to a bright, young teen who had become pregnant and how it had impacted her her entire life.
A close personal friend, too, was an “unwed mother” from a large Catholic family in the Chicago area. I clearly recall the weight of shame that was cast upon her by her parents.
Judy’s writing feels like it comes from the heart with no sugar-coating. She shares her joys and sorrows equally with the reader. I was inspired by her grit and determination to finally locate the daughter she’d given up to adoption so many years ago. Thank you for this beautiful book!
Such a brave and honest recalling of what happened to a bright, young teen who had become pregnant and how it had impacted her her entire life.
A close personal friend, too, was an “unwed mother” from a large Catholic family in the Chicago area. I clearly recall the weight of shame that was cast upon her by her parents.
Judy’s writing feels like it comes from the heart with no sugar-coating. She shares her joys and sorrows equally with the reader. I was inspired by her grit and determination to finally locate the daughter she’d given up to adoption so many years ago. Thank you for this beautiful book!
August 11, 2021
I finished this book in less than two days. I just couldn't put it down. I've always been interested in the whole teen pregnancy subject as I was a teen mom myself. However I find the whole "sending girls off to unwed mother homes" and the way things were done way back when very interesting. It's sad what these teen moms had to go through. And times have changed so much. Judy's story is well written and informative. The way she tells her story just keeps you wanting to keep reading to find out what happens next.
November 15, 2022
This memoir tells the story of a birth mother getting pregnant at 16, giving up her baby for adoption, and her life afterward including her search for for release from the guilt and shame she carries and eventually her search for the daughter she gave up for adoption.
Some parts of it were really good but there was a lot of repetition and it would have worked better for me if it had been shorter. The timeline was also confusing at times since the chapters were sometimes not in chronological order.
Some parts of it were really good but there was a lot of repetition and it would have worked better for me if it had been shorter. The timeline was also confusing at times since the chapters were sometimes not in chronological order.
August 10, 2025
An interesting book which was an OK read. I thought the cover was a little misleading. It made me think that it was maybe a sad but gentle story about a teen pregnancy. And although it was definitely about a pregnant teen and how it affected her life, it was certainly not gentle. The author is very direct in her discussion of her situation and what happened because of it. Don't misunderstand...the story was interesting and enlightening. I applaud her growth, personal work on her behavior and ability to turn her life around...it just wasn't what I expected.
May 9, 2019
A well-written memoir
This is a very well written book about what it was !one to be a teenage unwed mother in the mid-to-late 1960's. Our society has changed so in this area that today's teen probably can't identify with the author's feelings of guilt and shame. It's too bad, really, because the rise in unwed parents has undermined the importance of family unity which is an essential component of almost every society.
This is a very well written book about what it was !one to be a teenage unwed mother in the mid-to-late 1960's. Our society has changed so in this area that today's teen probably can't identify with the author's feelings of guilt and shame. It's too bad, really, because the rise in unwed parents has undermined the importance of family unity which is an essential component of almost every society.
March 19, 2020
I appreciated the author's honesty in detailing her teenage pregnancy and her life afterwards. I can tell that she wants to be closer to her daughter whom she gave up for adoption, but it seems the daughter is keeping her at arms length because she (the daughter) has her own full life and is close to her adoptive parents. I think this is sometimes the disappointment biological parents or children face when one side wants to be closer than the other will allow.
June 30, 2018
This is so nitpicky but one of my biggest pet peeves in books is when chapters are less than ~5 pages and with 51 chapters over 250 pages this one came in at an average of 4.9. Short chapters make books seem way longer than they need to be.
read this bc it was free in the kindle store and it was definitely interesting but just seemed too long.
read this bc it was free in the kindle store and it was definitely interesting but just seemed too long.
June 20, 2018
It is a story about an incredibly brave, loving woman that every person who has been adopted needs to read.
Sharing her shame and feeling of going through this alone is heartbreaking. Judy Liautaud should never again be ashamed. You are a hero for women who have gone through the same thing.
Sharing her shame and feeling of going through this alone is heartbreaking. Judy Liautaud should never again be ashamed. You are a hero for women who have gone through the same thing.
October 23, 2018
This was a very well-written memoir. It kept my interest throughout the entire story of her life. It is something I have heard about, but it was very well described and a very personal description of her experiences. I enjoyed this and also glad for the outcome as well.
August 12, 2022
Judy’s story is heartbreaking and wonderfully written. I read this book so quickly. It speaks as if she is sitting here and telling you her story. It’s nice to hear a story from the parent who gave the baby up for adoption and what all happened.
October 17, 2023
I’m not quite finished yet, 3/4 of the way through. I encourage everyone to read a book like this. One that realistically speaks of a teenager who has decisions made for her. Not trying to throw stones here, just believe in educated reasoning
March 2, 2017
great story about adoption from a birth mother's view
June 28, 2017
This was a book I really wanted to read. I didn't find the author especially endearing, but the book had some interesting aspects.
September 24, 2017
Adoption
Beautifully written, gives renewed hope . It would be my desire for it to fall into the hands
of the right people at the right time.
Beautifully written, gives renewed hope . It would be my desire for it to fall into the hands
of the right people at the right time.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 119 reviews