Не, това не са глезотии

by Alyson Schafer

Всеки родител има моменти, в които му се иска да разполага с указание за ползване, пътна карта или GPS навигация за необятната джунгла на взаимоотношенията с детето.

Какво да правим, когато малкото ангелче се затръшка на пода в магазина? Как да го отучим от биберона? Защо реши да скача по леглото точно когато бързаме да излезем? Как да го накараме да си пише домашните навреме? Колко джобни да му отпускаме? Нормална ли е една или друга негова проява?

Алисън Шейфър, авторката на „Скъпи, провалих децата”, съумява да рационализира тревожната плетеница от въпроси, терзаещи родителите. Тя систематизира най-честите родителски въпроси и предлага ясни, кратки и логични отговори и предписания за действие. Книгата й отговаря утвърдително на сложния философски въпрос: възможно ли е възпитание без наказания, викове и крясъци. Нещо повече, Шейфър утвърждава демократичния модел на родителство и убедително сочи предимствата му във всяка ситуация, възникваща в хода на порастването.

От позицията на опитен терапевт, автор на книги и не на последно място родител, тя се обръща към здравия смисъл в нас. Опрат ли нещата до съвети, родителите заставаме нащрек. Но Алисън Шейфър намира верния тон, използвайки хумор и съпричастие, за да осветли ситуацията и да ни помогне да си изградим план за действие. Авторката не дава готови рецепти, които действат с магическа пръчица, тя ни подсказва как да намерим модела, подходящ за нас, за нашето дете и нашето семейство.

„Не, това не са глезотии” е ценен спътник в сложното и вълнуващо пътуване, наречено възпитание.


http://www.colibri.bg/knigi/1073/alis...














Ain't Misbehavin': Tactics for Tantrums, Meltdowns, Bedtime Blues and Other Perfectly Normal Kid Behaviors

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Psychology

344 pages, Paperback

First published October 18, 2010

Reviews

[Ty-Orion · Rating 2 out of 5]

Книгата е по-скоро като справочник как да се справим с конкретни прояви в детското поведение. Някои съвети доста ме озадачиха - например родителят да се заключва в тоалетната докато детето е в тантрум или да му търка зъбите със сода бикарбонат ако не иска да ги мие.

[Abigale Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I usually stay away from parenting books, but decided to read this one after it was recommended by a friend. Overall I really liked it. I'm sure it's not for everyone (parenting styles & approaches are just too varied!) but for me, it really aligns & supports some views I already had. The overall approach of the book is to give suggestions & scripts for helping kids be more independent, and how to help the family function in a democratic way. I've seen some of the comments take issue with the democratic approach, saying the parents should be in charge without input from the kids. Just understand that kids having input doesn't mean they make the final decision - you just give them an opportunity to tell you what they think. So far, I've found that this helps them buy into whatever decision is made, so we have fewer battles about daily tasks.
It's not perfect, and there are some approaches I disagree with, and some that haven't worked. Overall, though, I've found a lot of tools that have helped make our family life smoother and easier.

[Radostina Tsvetkova · Rating 1 out of 5]

WTH did I just read? The author advising parents to lock themselves in the bathroom and only come out when their kids start behaving well.🤦‍♀️ Just in the beginning of the book and will definitely not keep reading.

[Daniela Ganeva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Книгата е много полезна. Засегнати са доста въпроси за родителството, за които постоянно търсим отговори. Разгледани са ежедневни ситуации от ежедневието като се предлагат ясни, кратки и логични отговори и предписания за действие.
Фразата "Когато, тогава ..." е наистина работеща и ми стана любима.

[Megi Popova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Много добра книжка, написана леко и забавно, чете се/слуша се лесно. В същото време засяга сериозни теми и дава много полезни съвети и насоки за корекции в поведението на родителите.

[Jacqueline Wagenstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Имаме удоволствието да обявим, че авторката на „Скъпи, провалих децата” и „Не, това не са глезотии”, пристига за пръв път в България през октомври 2014. Експерт с международно признание в областта на родителството, възпитанието и отглеждането на деца, Шейфър ще изнесе две лекции в Гранд хотел София на 25-и октомври!

Гостуването се организира от списание „Първите седем” със съдействието на издателство „Колибри”. Българските родители ще имат възможност да се запознаят с подходите и насоките, които Шейфър предлага в областта на детското възпитание и семейните отношения.

Дата: 25-и октомври

Място: Гранд хотел София

Начален час: 09:30

Максимален брой участници: 300

Подходящо за: Родители на деца от 0 до 10 г.

Цена на билета: 25 лв. (при групово записване или присъствие на двете лекции цената е по-ниска: 20 лв.)

Абсолютният бестселър „Скъпи, провалих децата”, издаден от „Колибри” през март тази година, рационализира тревожната плетеница от въпроси, терзаещи родителите, систематизира най-честите въпроси на възпитанието и предлага ясни, кратки и логични отговори и предписания за действие. През октомври „Колибри” ще издаде и другата й книга, придобила световна популярност - „Не, това не са глезотии (какво правим, когато детето реве, тръшка се, не иска да си ляга и изобщо се държи напълно нормално)“.

Алисън Шейфър е канадски психотерапевт и експерт по родителските въпроси с международно признание. Води рубрики в едни от най-известните списания за родителство, изнася лекции и участва в конференции в цял свят. Особено популярна и обичана тя стана след участието си на семинара TEDxKids в Брюксел, Белгия.

В момента Алисън е експерт към родителската програма The Bank of Montreal’s SmartSteps. Участва в редица шоута като Montel Williams, Canada AM, CTV news, The Marilyn Show, Steven and Chris, BT, Save Us From Our House, както и като гост в 6 сезона на The Parenting Show. Майка е на две дъщери, през свободното си време плува, кара колело и свири на китара.

Скъпи родители, възползвайте се от преференциалните цени за записване, валидни до края на месец септември! Имате възможност да заявите участие на една от двете или и на двете лекции! Очакваме ви!

Събитието във фейсбук: https://www.facebook.com/events/15226...
ПРОГРАМА



Лекция 1

„Скъпи, провалих децата!“

25 октомври, начален час: 09:30 ч.
Продължителност на лекцията: 1 час и 30 мин.
Време за въпроси: 30 мин.
Максимален брой участници: 150

С тази лекция Шейфър ни повежда на едно нелеко пътуване към възпитанието на подрастващите. Амбицията ѝ е да ни помогне да отгледаме прекрасни деца чрез твърди и същевременно дружелюбни техники на възпитание. Предложени са идеи, методи и подходи, вдъхновени от нейната собствена работа и от дейността на видни педагози като Алфред Адлър и Рудолф Драйкурс.

В лекцията се обръща особено внимание на наглед неподдаващи се на дисциплина деца, обясняват се социалните причини, диктуващи промяна в методите на възпитание, и са дадени насоки как да бъдат разпознати четирите „танца“ на лошото поведение, които изпълняваме с нашите деца. Най-вече научаваме практически способи, за да можем отново да заобичаме ролята си на родители.


Лекция 2

„Да отгледаш отговорно дете“

25 октомври, начален час: 12:00 ч.
Продължителност на лекцията: 1 час и 30 мин.
Време за въпроси: 30 мин.
Максимален брой участници: 150

Днешните деца показват слаб интерес и стремеж към самостоятелност, за която предните поколения копнееха. Защо ни е толкова трудно да ги възпитаме да бъдат старателни, да изпълняват задълженията си вкъщи и да пишат домашните си, без да е необходимо да ги поучаваме и надзираваме постоянно? Втората лекция в програмата на Алисън Шейфър ще засегне следните въпроси:

• Колко е важно да научим детето си на самостоятелност и независимост?

• Кои фактори спомагат при развиването на чувството за отговорност у детето?

• Коя е правилната стратегия?


Цени на билетите*:
Стандартен билет за 1 възрастен (за една от лекциите): 25 лв.
Стандартен билет за двама възрастни (за една от лекциите): 40 лв.
Групов билет над 5-ма човека: 20 лв. на човек (за една от лекциите)

*Преференциални цени до края на септември



Как да закупите билети:

Директно от Първите седем ЕООД чрез е-mail: office@purvite7.bg

Книжарница Колибри
Адрес: 1000 София, ул. „Иван Вазов“ 36, тел.: 02 988 87 81, email: gpopov@colibri.bg
Работно време: понеделник – петък 10:00 – 19:30 ч., събота 11:00 – 18:00 ч.

Книжарница във Френски културен институт
Адрес: 1000 София, пл. „Славейков“ 3
Тел.: 02 937 79 19, 02 981 50 47, Email: gmihaylova@colibri.bg
Работно време: понеделник – петък 10:00 – 18:00 ч.



За допълнителна информация:

Ася Георгиева

+359 885 208849

www.Purvite7.bg

a.georgieva@purvite7.bg

[Tibby]

Alyson Schafer advocates a democratic parenting style in which parents release tasks and freedoms to their children with the expectation that children will handle them with responsibility. Helicopter parents need not apply. As soon as children do not manage their lives with responsibility parents step in and help. Help. Not take over and do it for them. Families are encouraged to use family meetings to create limits, rules, and routines that work for them. The idea behind all this being that, by including your children in family decisions and limit-setting, they will have buy-in and be more likely to follow the rules and respect the boundaries. Ms. Schafer identifies four different types of behaviors that children engage in (attention seeking, power struggles, revenge, and avoidance) and helps you identify them and then gives you strategies for dealing with them, both in the short- and long-term. She doesn't advocate giving your children all the power in the household. I could see how it can be read that way, but that isn't the point of her parenting method.

I liked this book, as well as her other book which lays out the democratic parenting as a whole in more detail, Honey I Wrecked the Kids. Ain't Misbehavin' gives you specific scenarios and behaviors that you may be experiencing (e.g. refuses to get in the tub or dawdles in the morning) and gives you an analysis on what is behind the behavior (why it's happening) and then solutions for both the short- and long-term. This would be the book you go to as it's happening and you need to know how to react right now. It's a parenting style that works well with my personality and values. I'm really big on the idea when it comes to parenting that you have to find what works for you and your family. If you try to force something that really doesn't mesh, you just end up frustrated and discouraged. If you agree with the ideas in Schafer's method, then I highly recommend this book. If you want more of an overview of the parenting style, I would point you to Honey I Wrecked the Kids.

[Lee-Ann Sleegers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ain't Misbehavin' by Alyson Schafer from Wiley and Sons Canada 2011

Ain't Misbehavin' is the latest of Alyson Schafer's parenting books. Unlike the other 2 books, this one is filled with solutions or suggestions to deal with different behaviours parents encounter on a regular basis. Ain't Misbehavin' groups behaviours by type covering everything from the bedroom to school to sibling rivalry to extra curricular activities. This books need not be read from start to finish if there is an area you really want to challenges in but I recommend reading all of it. Alyson offers suggestions for dealing for with the behaviour when it happens and solution to work towards at reducing and often eliminating unwanted reactions. I really enjoyed the book and am finding Alyson's tips are making life in my home less confrontational even though the gist of it is Mommy Butt Out and that is hard to do after five years. I am a firm believer in having as many tools as you need to keep your family functioning well and Ain't Misbehavin' has found a permanent home in my family library. The concepts are consistent throughout the book and even if you encounter a situation not specifically covered, you can use the techniques explained to work on a solution. Thanks again Alyson.

[Amanda Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated reading a whole bunch of practical suggestions on how to deal with those tough moments with young children. Of course no-one will agree with every suggestion, but I loved that it got me thinking about alternative ways to react when those difficult moments come up. I haven't found suggestions laid out in such a simple format before, so I am really pleased with this book (can you tell I have a two year old?). Some of my favourite tips were:

*Make house rules that don’t change - rules are predictable and unwavering. "You" are not the bad-guy, the rule is, so you can be more sympathetic.
*Ask, not tell. For example: “What do we do after going to the toilet? We.... wash our hands. Yes!! That's right!"
*When/then statements - don’t make threats. Yes you can have a snack, when your hands are washed.
*“Clear your head before coming to the table so you can be fully present and attentive. Be in the moment, really “there” in mind and body” p.65 — this could also be a good tip for picking the kids up from daycare/after work.
*Let Mother Nature and natural consequences do the teaching
*Would you talk to a friend like this? If the answer is no, stop. Model good behavior

[Becca Naughton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is set up more like a reference book for advice on specific issues you may be having raising children. The chapters and sections are clearly labeled and easy to reference when you are looking for advice pertaining to each topic. This is not so much a book I would recommend reading cover to cover unless you are really experiencing all of the issues listed in the book. However, the first chapter gives a basis for her philosophy on parenting and sets up the rest of the book and should probably come before any of the other sections, which can be read independently.

[Nini · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every problems that you may have encountered as a parent, Alyson provides reasonable, doable, practical advice. Problems being laid out and we are brought to understand the problem. Solutions provided, with an alternative she wrote as "but what if". For me, that was the genius part as each child is different and unique. The solutions given are pretty comprehensive with a step-by-step and sample script.

I would highly recommend that every parent read and own a copy of this book. Just flip through the book for quick solution of your everyday encounter with your child!

[CJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked this, but didn't love it. While I thought Schafer's practical solutions sounded very workable for most problems and followed the logical consequences theory of parenting (which I love), her over-arcing theory was not one I agree with, i.e. I do not believe that the home should be a democracy in which the kids have a say in the rules.

So, all things considered? Worth the read if you want suggestions for solutions to specific problems, but not my favorite parenting book

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked how this book was arranged. It opens with the general parenting philosophy the author teaches and promotes and then each chapter addresses specific situations applying her techniques - so I could go directly to relevant areas like toddler too rough with baby or refusing to brush teeth. I might buy this one because I can see myself wanting to refer to things again and again especially because I too tend to lose it during tantrums.

[Justin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Had some suggestions I really detested like ignoring whining kids and "training" children to sleep in their own beds. To me these suggestions are basically suggesting we treat children like pets. I'd rather raise my daughter to be capable of being a fulfilled happy adult than have her act the way I'd like her to out of fear.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had some really good, actionable tips to dealing with childhood behaviors. It's also written in an interesting, conversational style and proved a quick read over lunches at work. Anyone with small children/school-aged kids would probably get something useful from reading this book. I know I've picked up a few tactics I'll try to employ moving forward.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good option for parents looking for quick tips and strategies to use in the moment. I definitely preferred the author's Honey I Wrecked the Kids (despite the terrible title), which was much meatier in terms of the psychology behind her suggestions. This one was made for skimming.

[Shanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best response is often determined by what a child is trying to accomplish versus what you as the parent are trying to accomplish. This is a really good look at WHY children do what they do, with a plethora of specific examples of what you will see, what it means, and what you should do.

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love her democratic approach to parenting. teaching kids independence while also fostering excellent life skills and problem solving plus creating a kind, loving family dynamic. I learned a few things that I'll be using a lot from now on.

[Arieh Bibliowicz · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lot to learn

There is always much to lear and relearn about parenting. This book reminds you of things you may have learned and forgot, but also of what you haven't learned but muy work in your family. Loved it.

[Adam Wolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first introduction to democratic parenting. I am not 100% sold in everything from here, but I devoured this book over a flight and was super excited to try out some of the tactics. Basically every time I try, it works out amazingly, so I'm definitely going to read her other ones.

[Sonya · Rating 2 out of 5]

Цяла книга за нещо, което може да се синтезира в една статия. Решението на всеки въпрос, повдигнат в книгата, е едно и също. Полезна би била за хора, които не са запознати с демократични методи на възпитание.

[Charisa Flaherty · Rating 4 out of 5]

The advice in this book basically boils down to let go over the power struggle. It really made a lot of sense to me. I’ve been trying some if the tips. Some with success and some... well not so much.

[Jodelene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great parenting book with realistic suggestions for raising your children. I would consider purchasing this book for future reference.

[Sheri · Rating 2 out of 5]

I need to read this in a couple of years when it is more age appropriate for my daughter.

[Suzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great parenting book. A nice follow up to reading Honey I Wrecked the Kids by the same author.

[Gwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seems useful- just skimmed parts that were interesting to me.

[Sue Buswell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it!

[Amanda Maddison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful!

[Sarah Perez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is filled with lots of little tidbits of information that I found very encouraging and helpful.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as part of an assignment for a class on interpersonal communication. I chose this book because it looked like a easy read.

I don’t read parenting books or any other self help books on a regular basis, I was pleasantly surprised by this one. The author gives simple solutions to common issues faced by parents. While not every solution is going to work for every child I think her method may be a good starting point to deal with everything from tantrums and power struggles to sibling disagreements and picky eaters. This book can be used as a stand alone, and honestly probably doesn’t have to be read in total or in order. I do suggest reading through all of chapter one since it outlines some key concepts and words that are built upon in other chapters. The last chapter gives a short list of guidelines for a democratic family that may be helpful to some.