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The Bonobo Way
"First things first: this book is really good... The Bonobo Way is a very unusual book: whimsical yet serious, easy to read yet thoroughly researched, challenging yet ultimately deeply comforting. Dr. Susan Block is living proof that bonobos aren’t just sexy and fun—some of them are damned smart, too."
--Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., best-selling author of Sex at Dawn
In her unique and game-changing book, internationally acclaimed and controversial sex educator Dr. Susan Block offers a brilliant new view of human sexuality, war, peace and community, inspired by a role model who isn’t even human: our closest genetic cousin, the bonobo.
With a provocative, humorous and engaging style that makes science fun and ecology erotic, The Bonobo Way boldly asks: What do these great apes know about sex, war and the rest of life that we don’t?
Here are some things we know about bonobos:
They have a lot of sex.
They never kill each other.
They empower the females.
They stay younger longer.
They live in peace through pleasure.
And we thought humans were the smartest apes!
For decades, scientists and philosophers have used the “killer ape” paradigm to explain why humans murder, make war, bomb and behead each other, and supposedly always will. Sure, our common chimp cousins kill, but do they tell the whole story?
Luckily, they don’t. The Bonobo Way shows the other side of the primate story, presenting the bonobos as an exciting new great ape paradigm for humanity that could change the world… or at least improve your love life.
From the lush depths of the Congo rainforest to the satin sheets of your own bedroom, Dr. Block takes you on an unprecedented and fascinating journey into an erotic, peaceful paradise on Earth. Powerful yet playful, heartfelt but science-based, she weaves stories, studies, theories and fantasies into possibilities and a practical path of action, presenting a very different kind of “12-Step Program” to release your “inner bonobo,” help save the real bonobos from extinction and energize all facets of your life.
Whether you don’t know bonobos from bananas, or you think you know all about these amazing creatures, The Bonobo Way will show you the way to a happier, healthier, sexier life, and a more peaceful, sustainable culture. Take it for a test drive! You'll be glad you did, and so will everyone you know.
www.TheBonoboWay.com
--Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., best-selling author of Sex at Dawn
In her unique and game-changing book, internationally acclaimed and controversial sex educator Dr. Susan Block offers a brilliant new view of human sexuality, war, peace and community, inspired by a role model who isn’t even human: our closest genetic cousin, the bonobo.
With a provocative, humorous and engaging style that makes science fun and ecology erotic, The Bonobo Way boldly asks: What do these great apes know about sex, war and the rest of life that we don’t?
Here are some things we know about bonobos:
They have a lot of sex.
They never kill each other.
They empower the females.
They stay younger longer.
They live in peace through pleasure.
And we thought humans were the smartest apes!
For decades, scientists and philosophers have used the “killer ape” paradigm to explain why humans murder, make war, bomb and behead each other, and supposedly always will. Sure, our common chimp cousins kill, but do they tell the whole story?
Luckily, they don’t. The Bonobo Way shows the other side of the primate story, presenting the bonobos as an exciting new great ape paradigm for humanity that could change the world… or at least improve your love life.
From the lush depths of the Congo rainforest to the satin sheets of your own bedroom, Dr. Block takes you on an unprecedented and fascinating journey into an erotic, peaceful paradise on Earth. Powerful yet playful, heartfelt but science-based, she weaves stories, studies, theories and fantasies into possibilities and a practical path of action, presenting a very different kind of “12-Step Program” to release your “inner bonobo,” help save the real bonobos from extinction and energize all facets of your life.
Whether you don’t know bonobos from bananas, or you think you know all about these amazing creatures, The Bonobo Way will show you the way to a happier, healthier, sexier life, and a more peaceful, sustainable culture. Take it for a test drive! You'll be glad you did, and so will everyone you know.
www.TheBonoboWay.com
300 pages, Paperback
First published November 8, 2014
21 people are currently reading
340 people want to read
About the author
Susan Block
8 books25 followersSusan Marilyn Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. "Dr. Suzy," is a world-renowned sexologist and director of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences based in Los Angeles. An award-winning filmmaker and talk show host best known for her HBO specials, she is the author of numerous articles, essays, short stories and books, as well as a sex therapist in private practice with a global clientele. A leading champion in the causes of sexual freedom and saving the inspirational but highly endangered bonobos, Dr. Block practices and promotes peace through pleasure: The Bonobo Way. She is also the founder of the sex-positive, bonobo-supportive social media site, Bonoboville.com, and host of The Dr. Susan Block Show which can be seen and heard live every Saturday night from 10:30pm to midnight (Pacific Time) on DrSuzy.tv. Married over 22 years, Dr. Block collaborates on all her projects with her husband and prime mate, Pr. Maximillian R. Lobkowicz. She also loves bananas, though not as much as bonobos... or Max.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
May 4, 2015
Dr. Susan should have her own network TV show. She is the smartest and most inspiring woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Her insight on sexuality is not only incredible, insightful, thought-provoking, and sex-positive...it is also the sexual revolution we have been waiting for.
Everything you need in order to have a healthy, fun, sexuality is in this book. Whether you're in a monogamous relationship, a swinger, going solo, asexual, pansexual, all-sexual...Dr. Suzy has you covered!
It order for our society to heal from all this war, anger, hatred, shame, and even environmental destruction, we must find our inner bonobo. We share 98.7% of our DNA with bonobos. They are a species of ape who resolve all conflicts with sex which is exactly what human animals need to be doing!
Good sex could end so much suffering and this book was an amazing and inspiring read as someone who strives for global sex-positivity and a sexual revolution to heal our ailing planet.
I love Dr. Suzy so much and we can all learn a lot about ourselves by this amazing woman who has dedicated her life to spreading sexual awareness, knowledge, and being the Queen of Coitus!
Everything you need in order to have a healthy, fun, sexuality is in this book. Whether you're in a monogamous relationship, a swinger, going solo, asexual, pansexual, all-sexual...Dr. Suzy has you covered!
It order for our society to heal from all this war, anger, hatred, shame, and even environmental destruction, we must find our inner bonobo. We share 98.7% of our DNA with bonobos. They are a species of ape who resolve all conflicts with sex which is exactly what human animals need to be doing!
Good sex could end so much suffering and this book was an amazing and inspiring read as someone who strives for global sex-positivity and a sexual revolution to heal our ailing planet.
I love Dr. Suzy so much and we can all learn a lot about ourselves by this amazing woman who has dedicated her life to spreading sexual awareness, knowledge, and being the Queen of Coitus!
October 16, 2014
Thoroughly Engrossing!
I was fortunate to read the early manuscript for this book and I could not put it down. Always the hallmark of a great book for me is when I get close to the end, I stop reading it because I don't want it to end yet.
I fell in love with bonobos, thanks to this book, and it gave me hope for humanity. If only we could learn to be like these peaceful primates, who are lead by the females of the species and who have lots of sex! (Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?)
Dr. Suzy, as she's affectionately called, has a delightful writing style that is both very informative and funny all at once. I found myself laughing out loud at several of her stories and would definitely recommend The Bonobo Way to any of my friends who are open-minded and a few who aren't but could really use it.
If you liked Sex at Dawn, The Ethical Slut, Mating in Captivity or books that suggest monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be, then you'll definitely love The Bonobo Way!
I was fortunate to read the early manuscript for this book and I could not put it down. Always the hallmark of a great book for me is when I get close to the end, I stop reading it because I don't want it to end yet.
I fell in love with bonobos, thanks to this book, and it gave me hope for humanity. If only we could learn to be like these peaceful primates, who are lead by the females of the species and who have lots of sex! (Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?)
Dr. Suzy, as she's affectionately called, has a delightful writing style that is both very informative and funny all at once. I found myself laughing out loud at several of her stories and would definitely recommend The Bonobo Way to any of my friends who are open-minded and a few who aren't but could really use it.
If you liked Sex at Dawn, The Ethical Slut, Mating in Captivity or books that suggest monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be, then you'll definitely love The Bonobo Way!
November 5, 2015
The Difficult Pleasures of Dr. Susan Block
The Bonobo Way, by Dr. Susan Block is, among other things, deeply thought-provoking and I do not use that phrase in the hackneyed sense, but to describe a far more recondite process. Harold Bloom calls it a difficult pleasure, or the reader’s sublime, and it involves the way in which certain books can give us strong temporary insights into the great mysteries that populate our lives and the world. We can never fully understand death or love or the impulse toward faith, and practical treatises only attempt to reduce these irreducible phenomena to the point of rendering themselves absurd. Our grasp may only be tentative and is best aided by hints and figures and metaphors, and by the marriage of the intellect and the senses. Reading this book gave me the impression while reading it that I had a clearer understanding of the mysterious relationship between sexuality and society, and Dr. Block’s poetry in this case are her marvelous simian comrades. As soon as I put the book down, I felt I understood relationship less than I thought I did while I was reading it. That is the mark of a very good book.
Dr. Block’s ostensible quest is to wrest the meaning of the word “natural” from the polemicists and oppressors who would use it to describe their own political stance toward marriage and sexuality, when in fact nature herself is far more complex, varied, perverse, and capricious. As this book so marvelously indicates, perhaps our closest relatives in nature live a largely pacifist, polyamorous, sexually active, almost orgiastic tribal existence. Male-female monogamy is not in their nature, as much or more than it has not been the paradigm throughout human history, and even more likely, our prehistory. The Bonobo Way succeeds as much as is possible on this mission. These battle lines are already pretty hardened, so only the curious may be convinced, while for the open-minded it is preaching to the converted. And for the close-minded, well, who gives a rodent’s posterior?
This last sentence is to illustrate that one of the most charming things about this book is the voice, which is at once highly intellectual, very breezy, definitely flirtatious, profoundly sexual, consistently cheerful, and exacting in its word choice and fact dissemination. If this is not the definition of a perfect date, I do not know what is. And in this case, your date is mashing her body up against the glass case at the San Diego Zoo, because that is what the bonobo female on the other side is doing. If this does not charm you, then you will not long be a virgin.
The second half of the book is a how-to, which I think is very valuable for those who are curious. If you are already in touch with your inner Bonobo, and it is not that far, or deep, inside, then it is still entertaining and informative. But it is the first half of the book that makes one think. Specific elements, such as the baboon troupe that begins to behave like bonobos after it loses all its alpha males or the discussion of the way in which the bonobos developed differently than their chimpanzee neighbors across the Congo River, point to the way in which nature is not necessarily hard-wired, that that societal structures can dramatically change. This is Dr. Block’s point, that if we become more sexually open there will be more peace. But it is the poetry that is hidden that is most provocative, and which seems to say we are already heading in that direction.
In the Seventies and earlier, swingers’ clubs may have been about some guys looking to have more female lovers and dragging their mates along as the ticket for admission. But that “lifestyle” is now all about the women. The females make the decisions now, just as they do in bonobo society. There are more female CEOs than ever before. A woman is the most likely candidate to be President, and most importantly, women have been outnumbering men in college admission and even more in graduation. We seem to be approaching what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point, which is what happened with public opinion on marriage equality. It was a minority viewpoint that grew until it tipped the scale and became an overwhelming majority. And the opening up of sexual customs, particularly with birth control, is related to the empowerment of women. It may be that the glass ceiling will shatter into pieces one day. Women will be in charge, there will certainly be fewer wars, and men will be happier because they will get more of what they have always wanted, just by being nice guys and not feeling like they have to compete.
Their mothers, to whom they stay close all their lives, apparently teach this to bonobo juvenile males. Juvenile females move out of the clan. This might be a true matriarchy, and a happy one at that. Bonobo mothers raise their sons to be cooperative and compassionate, rather than competitive and aggressive. These sons grow up to be adult males who are larger and stronger than the females, but who bend to the feminine will, usually as expressed by females who band together. And they are rewarded for their compassion and cooperation by having sexual access to many bonobo females.
It is a thought-provoking book, to say the least.
The Bonobo Way, by Dr. Susan Block is, among other things, deeply thought-provoking and I do not use that phrase in the hackneyed sense, but to describe a far more recondite process. Harold Bloom calls it a difficult pleasure, or the reader’s sublime, and it involves the way in which certain books can give us strong temporary insights into the great mysteries that populate our lives and the world. We can never fully understand death or love or the impulse toward faith, and practical treatises only attempt to reduce these irreducible phenomena to the point of rendering themselves absurd. Our grasp may only be tentative and is best aided by hints and figures and metaphors, and by the marriage of the intellect and the senses. Reading this book gave me the impression while reading it that I had a clearer understanding of the mysterious relationship between sexuality and society, and Dr. Block’s poetry in this case are her marvelous simian comrades. As soon as I put the book down, I felt I understood relationship less than I thought I did while I was reading it. That is the mark of a very good book.
Dr. Block’s ostensible quest is to wrest the meaning of the word “natural” from the polemicists and oppressors who would use it to describe their own political stance toward marriage and sexuality, when in fact nature herself is far more complex, varied, perverse, and capricious. As this book so marvelously indicates, perhaps our closest relatives in nature live a largely pacifist, polyamorous, sexually active, almost orgiastic tribal existence. Male-female monogamy is not in their nature, as much or more than it has not been the paradigm throughout human history, and even more likely, our prehistory. The Bonobo Way succeeds as much as is possible on this mission. These battle lines are already pretty hardened, so only the curious may be convinced, while for the open-minded it is preaching to the converted. And for the close-minded, well, who gives a rodent’s posterior?
This last sentence is to illustrate that one of the most charming things about this book is the voice, which is at once highly intellectual, very breezy, definitely flirtatious, profoundly sexual, consistently cheerful, and exacting in its word choice and fact dissemination. If this is not the definition of a perfect date, I do not know what is. And in this case, your date is mashing her body up against the glass case at the San Diego Zoo, because that is what the bonobo female on the other side is doing. If this does not charm you, then you will not long be a virgin.
The second half of the book is a how-to, which I think is very valuable for those who are curious. If you are already in touch with your inner Bonobo, and it is not that far, or deep, inside, then it is still entertaining and informative. But it is the first half of the book that makes one think. Specific elements, such as the baboon troupe that begins to behave like bonobos after it loses all its alpha males or the discussion of the way in which the bonobos developed differently than their chimpanzee neighbors across the Congo River, point to the way in which nature is not necessarily hard-wired, that that societal structures can dramatically change. This is Dr. Block’s point, that if we become more sexually open there will be more peace. But it is the poetry that is hidden that is most provocative, and which seems to say we are already heading in that direction.
In the Seventies and earlier, swingers’ clubs may have been about some guys looking to have more female lovers and dragging their mates along as the ticket for admission. But that “lifestyle” is now all about the women. The females make the decisions now, just as they do in bonobo society. There are more female CEOs than ever before. A woman is the most likely candidate to be President, and most importantly, women have been outnumbering men in college admission and even more in graduation. We seem to be approaching what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point, which is what happened with public opinion on marriage equality. It was a minority viewpoint that grew until it tipped the scale and became an overwhelming majority. And the opening up of sexual customs, particularly with birth control, is related to the empowerment of women. It may be that the glass ceiling will shatter into pieces one day. Women will be in charge, there will certainly be fewer wars, and men will be happier because they will get more of what they have always wanted, just by being nice guys and not feeling like they have to compete.
Their mothers, to whom they stay close all their lives, apparently teach this to bonobo juvenile males. Juvenile females move out of the clan. This might be a true matriarchy, and a happy one at that. Bonobo mothers raise their sons to be cooperative and compassionate, rather than competitive and aggressive. These sons grow up to be adult males who are larger and stronger than the females, but who bend to the feminine will, usually as expressed by females who band together. And they are rewarded for their compassion and cooperation by having sexual access to many bonobo females.
It is a thought-provoking book, to say the least.
June 3, 2015
The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace Through Pleasure is a breath of fresh air for a culture that has been at war with itself for far too long. Written by international sex expert and Yale graduate Dr. Susan Block, The Bonobo Way highlights how humanity’s own lusty relationship with war and violence has not only affected countless human lives, but also the lives of Earth’s nonhuman nature—most notably, the bonobos (Pan Paniscus). At the book’s core, it is a call to action, a seductive moan from a lover’s ear to put down the war toys and come learn the ways of pleasure. From the jungles to the bedrooms, this book is an arousing, and downright sexy journey, complete with orgasmic anecdotes, as well as tales of lust, love and relationships built on power exchanges and trust.
What is most appealing about this book is the inclusiveness of Dr. Block’s narratives, she provides practical relationship tools-- for the monogamous, the polycurious and the full-fledged swingers; her tone is light, uplifting, and supportive. The tools she lays out are useful for all relationship dynamics; addressing matters of intimacy, tips for role-play, BDSM and sexual etiquette. Much of the information is laid out in a twelve step guide, “release your inner bonobo.”
The step work itself is a public and private affair, with strategies for cultivating the (somewhat) dormant sensual self, a self which is attuned to primal nature and our “kissing cousins” the bonobos. The anecdotes from Dr. Block’s personal life, along with world news and history, make the step work relatable and add a personal touch to the text. The approach brings the concept of peace through pleasure to life, guiding the reader across this great earth we love to “make love on”, and down a river of ecstasy towards a destination that is, not only picturesque, but achievable--for those willing to do the work of course.
Due to its broad range of topics, The Bonobo Way can appeal to a wide audience; from environmental conservationists, animal rights activists and ecological advocates to porn stars, feminists, and military veterans. On a textual level, the book is eco-feminism, with Block’s own environment described in great detail (the bedroom, the Speakeasy, the urban jungle). All the while, her connection to the bonobos is never far from the surface of the text; from Dr. Block’s first glimpse of the bonobos while watching a PBS broadcast, to her first visit with Lana the Bonobo at the San Diego Zoo. She narrates how studying bonobos has helped her develop a greater consciousness of empathy, compassion and sexual awareness. The results of her various states of “bonobo liberation” are disclosed in great detail, with an emphasis on preserving the bonobos who “empower the female” and “never kill each other.”
As a piece of literature, The Bonobo Way may deserve its own shelf, in between sexual studies and ecology, in a genre of its own dubbed “ecosexual.” The push for the preservation of the bonobos, their bioregion, and the call to action to repair our relationship with our “over-farmed and abused mother earth” (83), all help to categorize this book as ecological literature-- comparable to the works of Mary Hunter Austin, and Octavia Butler. However, the sexual narratives woven throughout the text are akin to the pages of high erotica, a literary orgasm that details escapades, advances, and near misses. The fusion of both the ecological and the sexual is really what defines this book.
The cost of this book is an investment into your character, and hopefully, your sex life. At 240 pages it is available in print and eBook-- the latter includes full color photos. Other features of the book are Dr. Block’s notes, which vary from “hat tips” to writers and rock stars, to supplemental information on clinical and “scene” terms, as well as vital historical references. For those inspired, to take action, the appendix of The Bonobo Way provides a list of sites and organizations that are dedicated to helping the bonobos, and a list of zoos, reserves, sanctuaries where bonobos can be seen.
What is most appealing about this book is the inclusiveness of Dr. Block’s narratives, she provides practical relationship tools-- for the monogamous, the polycurious and the full-fledged swingers; her tone is light, uplifting, and supportive. The tools she lays out are useful for all relationship dynamics; addressing matters of intimacy, tips for role-play, BDSM and sexual etiquette. Much of the information is laid out in a twelve step guide, “release your inner bonobo.”
The step work itself is a public and private affair, with strategies for cultivating the (somewhat) dormant sensual self, a self which is attuned to primal nature and our “kissing cousins” the bonobos. The anecdotes from Dr. Block’s personal life, along with world news and history, make the step work relatable and add a personal touch to the text. The approach brings the concept of peace through pleasure to life, guiding the reader across this great earth we love to “make love on”, and down a river of ecstasy towards a destination that is, not only picturesque, but achievable--for those willing to do the work of course.
Due to its broad range of topics, The Bonobo Way can appeal to a wide audience; from environmental conservationists, animal rights activists and ecological advocates to porn stars, feminists, and military veterans. On a textual level, the book is eco-feminism, with Block’s own environment described in great detail (the bedroom, the Speakeasy, the urban jungle). All the while, her connection to the bonobos is never far from the surface of the text; from Dr. Block’s first glimpse of the bonobos while watching a PBS broadcast, to her first visit with Lana the Bonobo at the San Diego Zoo. She narrates how studying bonobos has helped her develop a greater consciousness of empathy, compassion and sexual awareness. The results of her various states of “bonobo liberation” are disclosed in great detail, with an emphasis on preserving the bonobos who “empower the female” and “never kill each other.”
As a piece of literature, The Bonobo Way may deserve its own shelf, in between sexual studies and ecology, in a genre of its own dubbed “ecosexual.” The push for the preservation of the bonobos, their bioregion, and the call to action to repair our relationship with our “over-farmed and abused mother earth” (83), all help to categorize this book as ecological literature-- comparable to the works of Mary Hunter Austin, and Octavia Butler. However, the sexual narratives woven throughout the text are akin to the pages of high erotica, a literary orgasm that details escapades, advances, and near misses. The fusion of both the ecological and the sexual is really what defines this book.
The cost of this book is an investment into your character, and hopefully, your sex life. At 240 pages it is available in print and eBook-- the latter includes full color photos. Other features of the book are Dr. Block’s notes, which vary from “hat tips” to writers and rock stars, to supplemental information on clinical and “scene” terms, as well as vital historical references. For those inspired, to take action, the appendix of The Bonobo Way provides a list of sites and organizations that are dedicated to helping the bonobos, and a list of zoos, reserves, sanctuaries where bonobos can be seen.
October 13, 2014
Thoroughly Engrossing!
I was fortunate to read the early manuscript for this book and I could not put it down. Always the hallmark of a great book for me is when I get close to the end, I stop reading it because I don't want it to end yet.
I fell in love with bonobos, thanks to this book, and it gave me hope for humanity. If only we could learn to be like these peaceful primates, who are lead by the females of the species and who have lots of sex! (Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?)
Dr. Suzy, as she's affectionately called, has a delightful writing style that is both very informative and funny all at once. I found myself laughing out loud at several of her stories and would definitely recommend The Bonobo Way to any of my friends who are open-minded and a few who aren't but could really use it.
If you liked Sex at Dawn, The Ethical Slut, Mating in Captivity or books that suggest monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be, then you'll definitely love The Bonobo Way!
I was fortunate to read the early manuscript for this book and I could not put it down. Always the hallmark of a great book for me is when I get close to the end, I stop reading it because I don't want it to end yet.
I fell in love with bonobos, thanks to this book, and it gave me hope for humanity. If only we could learn to be like these peaceful primates, who are lead by the females of the species and who have lots of sex! (Sounds like heaven, doesn't it?)
Dr. Suzy, as she's affectionately called, has a delightful writing style that is both very informative and funny all at once. I found myself laughing out loud at several of her stories and would definitely recommend The Bonobo Way to any of my friends who are open-minded and a few who aren't but could really use it.
If you liked Sex at Dawn, The Ethical Slut, Mating in Captivity or books that suggest monogamy is not all it's cracked up to be, then you'll definitely love The Bonobo Way!
November 18, 2014
An amazing roller coaster ride! Mixes sexology, anthropology, and even biography. As we meet the amazing Bonobos, human-like primates whose motto is make love (very often) not war, we see how we humans can learn from them in terms oohs life and love. And along the way, much bacchanality, a harrowing near death experience, and an impassioned plea to save these beautiful creatures, threatened with extinction. Advisory: this is very sexually tinged, so if you are very prudish, you might want to approach this carefully...and maybe take copious notes...
November 4, 2014
If you want new ideas and a new ape to follow over bloodthirsty chimps, this is the book for you. There is little Dr. Suzy allows to be taboo, so if you're in the business of figuring out what could be holding you back in life, The Bonobo Way is a great addition to your bookshelf.
November 7, 2015
The Difficult Pleasures of Dr. Susan Block
The Bonobo Way, by Dr. Susan Block is, among other things, deeply thought-provoking and I do not use that phrase in the hackneyed sense, but to describe a far more recondite process. Harold Bloom calls it a difficult pleasure, or the reader’s sublime, and it involves the way in which certain books can give us strong temporary insights into the great mysteries that populate our lives and the world. We can never fully understand death or love or the impulse toward faith, and practical treatises only attempt to reduce these irreducible phenomena to the point of rendering themselves absurd. Our grasp may only be tentative and is best aided by hints and figures and metaphors, and by the marriage of the intellect and the senses. Reading this book gave me the impression while reading it that I had a clearer understanding of the mysterious relationship between sexuality and society, and Dr. Block’s poetry in this case are her marvelous simian comrades. As soon as I put the book down, I felt I understood relationship less than I thought I did while I was reading it. That is the mark of a very good book.
Dr. Block’s ostensible quest is to wrest the meaning of the word “natural” from the polemicists and oppressors who would use it to describe their own political stance toward marriage and sexuality, when in fact nature herself is far more complex, varied, perverse, and capricious. As this book so marvelously indicates, perhaps our closest relatives in nature live a largely pacifist, polyamorous, sexually active, almost orgiastic tribal existence. Male-female monogamy is not in their nature, as much or more than it has not been the paradigm throughout human history, and even more likely, our prehistory. The Bonobo Way succeeds as much as is possible on this mission. These battle lines are already pretty hardened, so only the curious may be convinced, while for the open-minded it is preaching to the converted. And for the close-minded, well, who gives a rodent’s posterior?
This last sentence is to illustrate that one of the most charming things about this book is the voice, which is at once highly intellectual, very breezy, definitely flirtatious, profoundly sexual, consistently cheerful, and exacting in its word choice and fact dissemination. If this is not the definition of a perfect date, I do not know what is. And in this case, your date is mashing her body up against the glass case at the San Diego Zoo, because that is what the bonobo female on the other side is doing. If this does not charm you, then you will not long be a virgin.
The second half of the book is a how-to, which I think is very valuable for those who are curious. If you are already in touch with your inner Bonobo, and it is not that far, or deep, inside, then it is still entertaining and informative. But it is the first half of the book that makes one think. Specific elements, such as the baboon troupe that begins to behave like bonobos after it loses all its alpha males or the discussion of the way in which the bonobos developed differently than their chimpanzee neighbors across the Congo River, point to the way in which nature is not necessarily hard-wired, that that societal structures can dramatically change. This is Dr. Block’s point, that if we become more sexually open there will be more peace. But it is the poetry that is hidden that is most provocative, and which seems to say we are already heading in that direction.
In the Seventies and earlier, swingers’ clubs may have been about some guys looking to have more female lovers and dragging their mates along as the ticket for admission. But that “lifestyle” is now all about the women. The females make the decisions now, just as they do in bonobo society. There are more female CEOs than ever before. A woman is the most likely candidate to be President, and most importantly, women have been outnumbering men in college admission and even more in graduation. We seem to be approaching what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point, which is what happened with public opinion on marriage equality. It was a minority viewpoint that grew until it tipped the scale and became an overwhelming majority. And the opening up of sexual customs, particularly with birth control, is related to the empowerment of women. It may be that the glass ceiling will shatter into pieces one day. Women will be in charge, there will certainly be fewer wars, and men will be happier because they will get more of what they have always wanted, just by being nice guys and not feeling like they have to compete.
Their mothers, to whom they stay close all their lives, apparently teach this to bonobo juvenile males. Juvenile females move out of the clan. This might be a true matriarchy, and a happy one at that. Bonobo mothers raise their sons to be cooperative and compassionate, rather than competitive and aggressive. These sons grow up to be adult males who are larger and stronger than the females, but who bend to the feminine will, usually as expressed by females who band together. And they are rewarded for their compassion and cooperation by having sexual access to many bonobo females.
It is a thought-provoking book, to say the least.
The Bonobo Way, by Dr. Susan Block is, among other things, deeply thought-provoking and I do not use that phrase in the hackneyed sense, but to describe a far more recondite process. Harold Bloom calls it a difficult pleasure, or the reader’s sublime, and it involves the way in which certain books can give us strong temporary insights into the great mysteries that populate our lives and the world. We can never fully understand death or love or the impulse toward faith, and practical treatises only attempt to reduce these irreducible phenomena to the point of rendering themselves absurd. Our grasp may only be tentative and is best aided by hints and figures and metaphors, and by the marriage of the intellect and the senses. Reading this book gave me the impression while reading it that I had a clearer understanding of the mysterious relationship between sexuality and society, and Dr. Block’s poetry in this case are her marvelous simian comrades. As soon as I put the book down, I felt I understood relationship less than I thought I did while I was reading it. That is the mark of a very good book.
Dr. Block’s ostensible quest is to wrest the meaning of the word “natural” from the polemicists and oppressors who would use it to describe their own political stance toward marriage and sexuality, when in fact nature herself is far more complex, varied, perverse, and capricious. As this book so marvelously indicates, perhaps our closest relatives in nature live a largely pacifist, polyamorous, sexually active, almost orgiastic tribal existence. Male-female monogamy is not in their nature, as much or more than it has not been the paradigm throughout human history, and even more likely, our prehistory. The Bonobo Way succeeds as much as is possible on this mission. These battle lines are already pretty hardened, so only the curious may be convinced, while for the open-minded it is preaching to the converted. And for the close-minded, well, who gives a rodent’s posterior?
This last sentence is to illustrate that one of the most charming things about this book is the voice, which is at once highly intellectual, very breezy, definitely flirtatious, profoundly sexual, consistently cheerful, and exacting in its word choice and fact dissemination. If this is not the definition of a perfect date, I do not know what is. And in this case, your date is mashing her body up against the glass case at the San Diego Zoo, because that is what the bonobo female on the other side is doing. If this does not charm you, then you will not long be a virgin.
The second half of the book is a how-to, which I think is very valuable for those who are curious. If you are already in touch with your inner Bonobo, and it is not that far, or deep, inside, then it is still entertaining and informative. But it is the first half of the book that makes one think. Specific elements, such as the baboon troupe that begins to behave like bonobos after it loses all its alpha males or the discussion of the way in which the bonobos developed differently than their chimpanzee neighbors across the Congo River, point to the way in which nature is not necessarily hard-wired, that that societal structures can dramatically change. This is Dr. Block’s point, that if we become more sexually open there will be more peace. But it is the poetry that is hidden that is most provocative, and which seems to say we are already heading in that direction.
In the Seventies and earlier, swingers’ clubs may have been about some guys looking to have more female lovers and dragging their mates along as the ticket for admission. But that “lifestyle” is now all about the women. The females make the decisions now, just as they do in bonobo society. There are more female CEOs than ever before. A woman is the most likely candidate to be President, and most importantly, women have been outnumbering men in college admission and even more in graduation. We seem to be approaching what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point, which is what happened with public opinion on marriage equality. It was a minority viewpoint that grew until it tipped the scale and became an overwhelming majority. And the opening up of sexual customs, particularly with birth control, is related to the empowerment of women. It may be that the glass ceiling will shatter into pieces one day. Women will be in charge, there will certainly be fewer wars, and men will be happier because they will get more of what they have always wanted, just by being nice guys and not feeling like they have to compete.
Their mothers, to whom they stay close all their lives, apparently teach this to bonobo juvenile males. Juvenile females move out of the clan. This might be a true matriarchy, and a happy one at that. Bonobo mothers raise their sons to be cooperative and compassionate, rather than competitive and aggressive. These sons grow up to be adult males who are larger and stronger than the females, but who bend to the feminine will, usually as expressed by females who band together. And they are rewarded for their compassion and cooperation by having sexual access to many bonobo females.
It is a thought-provoking book, to say the least.
December 6, 2014
still reading but so far really interesting
January 27, 2018
“Lana is a voluptuous brunette with a seductive smile and big, sparkling, cocoa eyes. Flirtatious and fun-loving, she has a couple of boyfriends, but enjoys her gal pals just as much, if not more…. In many ways, Lana is just like a lot of wonderful women we know. But Lana is not a woman, nor even human. Lana is a bonobo.”
This is how sexologist and “love researcher” Susan Block opens her insightful new book The Bonobo Way. She continues by describing her fascinating first encounters with her subject matter, the bonobos. Then she reveals more about this highly endangered species that is also our close genetic cousins and how they can inspire humans to have better sex and lead freer, more peaceful lives.
bonobo wayBlock’s writing is sharp, candid, and witty. I especially like how she weaves her personal stories together with what turns her on, including watching these primates engage in sexual behavior. Block covers a lot more about bonobos than I ever thought I wanted to know. But she tackles the subject matter with such a wonderful sense of humor, pointing out amazing similarities between humans and bonobos. I found it particularly interesting that bonobos don’t spend a lot of time engaging in penetrative sex even though sex plays an important role in their lives – as a form of stress relief, trading sexual affection for food and conflict resolution.
This book is divided into two parts. The first part is where we meet and learn about the bonobos, and in the second part, Block brings the message home and gives us the “12 steps to releasing our inner bonobo.”
I found her “12-steps” to be a very refreshing and interesting way to spice up your sex life. It might even be better than going through sex therapy, which can be hit-or-miss for some.
In part two, Block reveals her insights into how the “Bonobo Way” can be applied to us humans. She outlines how we can tune into our personal primal inner bonobo, and then unleash this inner bonobo, discovering our erotic evolutionary connection with these creatures and the rest of nature. This gives us a whole new way of being sexual and loving, and then we can share this pleasure and knowledge with others.
Six of her 12-steps include:
1. See the bonobos, to observe their behavior.
2. Be a bonobo, at least in your mind, so as to enhance playfulness.
3. Release your “inner bonobo” in the bedroom.
4. Engage in more “outercourse” rather than being fixated on intercourse.
5. Combine food and sex—in the bedroom or the kitchen.
6. Explore the opposite sex within yourself —your masculine or feminine side
As for the other six, steps, I’d rather you just read her book. I highly recommend The Bonobo Way to couples who wish to explore their wild nature, as well as expand their sexual repertoire.
This is how sexologist and “love researcher” Susan Block opens her insightful new book The Bonobo Way. She continues by describing her fascinating first encounters with her subject matter, the bonobos. Then she reveals more about this highly endangered species that is also our close genetic cousins and how they can inspire humans to have better sex and lead freer, more peaceful lives.
bonobo wayBlock’s writing is sharp, candid, and witty. I especially like how she weaves her personal stories together with what turns her on, including watching these primates engage in sexual behavior. Block covers a lot more about bonobos than I ever thought I wanted to know. But she tackles the subject matter with such a wonderful sense of humor, pointing out amazing similarities between humans and bonobos. I found it particularly interesting that bonobos don’t spend a lot of time engaging in penetrative sex even though sex plays an important role in their lives – as a form of stress relief, trading sexual affection for food and conflict resolution.
This book is divided into two parts. The first part is where we meet and learn about the bonobos, and in the second part, Block brings the message home and gives us the “12 steps to releasing our inner bonobo.”
I found her “12-steps” to be a very refreshing and interesting way to spice up your sex life. It might even be better than going through sex therapy, which can be hit-or-miss for some.
In part two, Block reveals her insights into how the “Bonobo Way” can be applied to us humans. She outlines how we can tune into our personal primal inner bonobo, and then unleash this inner bonobo, discovering our erotic evolutionary connection with these creatures and the rest of nature. This gives us a whole new way of being sexual and loving, and then we can share this pleasure and knowledge with others.
Six of her 12-steps include:
1. See the bonobos, to observe their behavior.
2. Be a bonobo, at least in your mind, so as to enhance playfulness.
3. Release your “inner bonobo” in the bedroom.
4. Engage in more “outercourse” rather than being fixated on intercourse.
5. Combine food and sex—in the bedroom or the kitchen.
6. Explore the opposite sex within yourself —your masculine or feminine side
As for the other six, steps, I’d rather you just read her book. I highly recommend The Bonobo Way to couples who wish to explore their wild nature, as well as expand their sexual repertoire.
August 16, 2022
Bonobos Fascinate Me But...
Bonobos are fascinating, at least to me. But this book is not. Perhaps in an effort to avoid antagonizing non-academic readers, the author sticks to slangish language. The author refers to adult bonobos as girls and boys, thereby infantalizing these rather sophisticated cousins of ours. Females and males would serve better once they reach puberty. The language got more and more annoying until I gave up. It seems to me there is a better way to avoid being too dryly academic than descending to language that ends up patronizing both bonobos and human readers.
Bonobos are fascinating, at least to me. But this book is not. Perhaps in an effort to avoid antagonizing non-academic readers, the author sticks to slangish language. The author refers to adult bonobos as girls and boys, thereby infantalizing these rather sophisticated cousins of ours. Females and males would serve better once they reach puberty. The language got more and more annoying until I gave up. It seems to me there is a better way to avoid being too dryly academic than descending to language that ends up patronizing both bonobos and human readers.
Read
September 22, 20172015-04 - The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace Through Pleasure. Susan Black (Author) 2014. 256 Pages.
A while back a read a book called “Sex on Earth: A Celebration of Animal Reproduction” (or as my friend Scott McVay called it “Panda Porn”) in that book the topics of face to face copulation, homosexuality, masturbation, and sex as social bonding came up in relation to Bonobo’s. Bonobos are fascinating creatures … at one time proto humans, Chimpanzees, and Bonobos shared a common ancestor. After the human divergence there occurred a divergence between Chimpanzees and Bonobos as a result of the change in a rivers bed. Neither of those creatures can swim. The Chimpanzees continued their evolution north of the river in a mixed forest/veld environment with food scarcity and predators. They evolved to be territorial, hierarchical and aggressive. For many decades we derived our concepts of proto-human evolution based on the behavior of Chimpanzees. Much in our social organizational patterns and behaviors was thought to have so much in common because of our shared DNA and environments. We looked at Chimpanzees and saw ourselves and used what we saw to explain ourselves. Then in the late 1920’s we discovered that Bonobos were not Chimpanzees. We began to look at them but still through a Chimpanzee/Human behavior lens … Bonobos though did not appear to be hierarchical, did not appear to be territorial, had food abundance, were not threatened by non-human predation … they lived lives of small cooperative groupings. Rather than using sex as a domination asserting tool like Chimpanzees, Bonobos used sex to build group cooperation, identity, and to de-escalate conflict. They were found to engage in face to face copulation, mutual and group masturbation, hetero and homosexual encounters, group sex and sex for pleasure and recreation not just for mating or dominance. It was an entirely different way to look at sexuality in nature. It also called into question how humans view sexuality among themselves. This book is an exploration of these topics … it is an interesting and challenging topic and the book sometimes goes a little kinky but is worth the effort especially when read along with Desmond Morris’s “The Human Zoo” and “Intimate Behaviour: A Zoologist's Classic Study of Human Intimacy”
A while back a read a book called “Sex on Earth: A Celebration of Animal Reproduction” (or as my friend Scott McVay called it “Panda Porn”) in that book the topics of face to face copulation, homosexuality, masturbation, and sex as social bonding came up in relation to Bonobo’s. Bonobos are fascinating creatures … at one time proto humans, Chimpanzees, and Bonobos shared a common ancestor. After the human divergence there occurred a divergence between Chimpanzees and Bonobos as a result of the change in a rivers bed. Neither of those creatures can swim. The Chimpanzees continued their evolution north of the river in a mixed forest/veld environment with food scarcity and predators. They evolved to be territorial, hierarchical and aggressive. For many decades we derived our concepts of proto-human evolution based on the behavior of Chimpanzees. Much in our social organizational patterns and behaviors was thought to have so much in common because of our shared DNA and environments. We looked at Chimpanzees and saw ourselves and used what we saw to explain ourselves. Then in the late 1920’s we discovered that Bonobos were not Chimpanzees. We began to look at them but still through a Chimpanzee/Human behavior lens … Bonobos though did not appear to be hierarchical, did not appear to be territorial, had food abundance, were not threatened by non-human predation … they lived lives of small cooperative groupings. Rather than using sex as a domination asserting tool like Chimpanzees, Bonobos used sex to build group cooperation, identity, and to de-escalate conflict. They were found to engage in face to face copulation, mutual and group masturbation, hetero and homosexual encounters, group sex and sex for pleasure and recreation not just for mating or dominance. It was an entirely different way to look at sexuality in nature. It also called into question how humans view sexuality among themselves. This book is an exploration of these topics … it is an interesting and challenging topic and the book sometimes goes a little kinky but is worth the effort especially when read along with Desmond Morris’s “The Human Zoo” and “Intimate Behaviour: A Zoologist's Classic Study of Human Intimacy”
November 18, 2015
The Bonobo Way is an excellent adventure into examining ones own inner liberation through the examination of and relation to the wonderful bonobo apes, who are a non-violent species, sharing 98% of human DNA, who were originally exempt from study due to their sexual nature. Everything about how bonobos use sex (and sharing) to keep peace and harmony among their communities is heart warming and even tear wrenching. Dr. Susan Block urges us to connect with our inner bonobos.
Yet, what is so on point about The Bonobo Way is that it encourages us to look inward and create our own "bonobovilles" - our own communities where we can work on practicing our inner most desires with love and care. This is one of the most pivotal tools in prison abolition - dismantling the prison industrial complex through bringing accountability and pleasure to our communities. Dr. Susan Block references the harms of the PIC throughout the The Bonobo Way, staying connected to social justice issues while allowing us to understand why gratifying sex is so important to end the struggle of violence we all see too often.
Dr. Susan Block couldn't be wiser about us protecting the bonobos, because, as she states, "If we lose the bonobos, we lose part of ourselves." The depths of The Bonobo Way ring true to our very cores, we are all interconnected and while thoroughly enjoying our sexualities, let that pleasure we feel be fuel for our work to stay connected to social issues among ourselves, and of course, for the issues that the great bonobos face.
Yet, what is so on point about The Bonobo Way is that it encourages us to look inward and create our own "bonobovilles" - our own communities where we can work on practicing our inner most desires with love and care. This is one of the most pivotal tools in prison abolition - dismantling the prison industrial complex through bringing accountability and pleasure to our communities. Dr. Susan Block references the harms of the PIC throughout the The Bonobo Way, staying connected to social justice issues while allowing us to understand why gratifying sex is so important to end the struggle of violence we all see too often.
Dr. Susan Block couldn't be wiser about us protecting the bonobos, because, as she states, "If we lose the bonobos, we lose part of ourselves." The depths of The Bonobo Way ring true to our very cores, we are all interconnected and while thoroughly enjoying our sexualities, let that pleasure we feel be fuel for our work to stay connected to social issues among ourselves, and of course, for the issues that the great bonobos face.
July 9, 2020
It was a delight to finally read one of Dr. Suzy’s books after having enjoyed her articles and essays for so many years. Part I of The Bonobo Way provided me with detailed information on bonobos, their genetic relationship to humans, and their unique ability to control violence in their communities and to resolve conflict through erotic play. Part II encouraged me to adopt the bonobo as one of my spirit animals and to integrate the Pan paniscus ethic of “peace through pleasure” into my own life.
The Bonobo Way is a great sourcebook to which one may return again and again. While reading it, I was inspired to order a copy of Sex at Dawn by Dr. Christopher Ryan, an authority whom Dr. Suzy references frequently. But I was also introduced to other fascinating topics which I intend to investigate further—Kerista, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, Aristippus of Cyrene, Stoic visualization, and the murder of Dian Fossey, to name but a few. Dr. Suzy presents all of this material in a very engaging and entertaining manner, as those familiar with her erudite yet playful style have come to expect.
The Bonobo Way is of course an essential text for kinksters and sexologists of every variety, but it also contains much which will be of interest to the general reader. In fact, Dr. Suzy’s message of ethical hedonism—which might be summarized as “make love, not war”—is relevant for all of us. I would therefore encourage everyone to read her book and #GoBonobos!
The Bonobo Way is a great sourcebook to which one may return again and again. While reading it, I was inspired to order a copy of Sex at Dawn by Dr. Christopher Ryan, an authority whom Dr. Suzy references frequently. But I was also introduced to other fascinating topics which I intend to investigate further—Kerista, Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld, Aristippus of Cyrene, Stoic visualization, and the murder of Dian Fossey, to name but a few. Dr. Suzy presents all of this material in a very engaging and entertaining manner, as those familiar with her erudite yet playful style have come to expect.
The Bonobo Way is of course an essential text for kinksters and sexologists of every variety, but it also contains much which will be of interest to the general reader. In fact, Dr. Suzy’s message of ethical hedonism—which might be summarized as “make love, not war”—is relevant for all of us. I would therefore encourage everyone to read her book and #GoBonobos!
December 4, 2016
really awful, couldn't read it
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