The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship

by Jonathan D. Holmes, Edward T. Welch (Foreword)

it’s one of the simplest of human relationships in comparison to marriage or family relationships, yet it’s one of the least understood and practiced. For all of our progress in making connections through Facebook, Twitter, and other social media, people are consistently experiencing loneliness and growing disenchanted with the whole notion of friendship. Could it be that our understanding of friendship has been more informed by pop culture and social media, and less informed by the vision of friendship offered in Scripture? Is it possible that friendship exists for a greater purpose than merely our enjoyment and comfort? Does real friendship involve more than just hanging out on a weekend, participating in a book club, or hitting the golf course together? These questions and more are answered in this book. Broader and deeper than simple fellowship, biblical friendship is first and foremost about a relationship with Jesus Christ. As you are brought into friendship and relationship with the Father, Jesus Christ calls you a friend! It is out of this friendship that our human friendships find their beginning and their purpose. Aelred, a Cistercian monk who wrote a profound treatise on friendship, said, “And so in friendship are joined honor and charm, truth and joy, sweetness and good-will, affection and action. And all these take their beginning from Christ, advance through Christ, and are perfected in Christ.” This is the core of biblical friendship, and what sets it apart from what the world is it all flows from Jesus Christ. Friendship finds its origin, purpose, and power in Jesus. Our human friendships then must be shaped by this life-changing truth. Biblical friendship is deep, honest, pure, transparent, and liberating. It is also attainable. Dig into this book, and learn how your friendships can embody this amazing and wonderful reality.

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Relationships, Theology, Friendship, Counselling

124 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 29, 2014

About the author

Jonathan Holmes serves as the pastor of counseling at Parkside Church in Ohio and is the founder and executive director of Fieldstone Counseling. He serves on the council board for the Biblical Counseling Coalition and is a frequent speaker at conferences and retreats. He graduated from The Master’s University with degrees in Biblical Counseling and History and has his M.A. from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Jonathan is the author of The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship and has also written for The Gospel Coalition, Care Leader, Covenant Eyes, and Journal of Biblical Counseling. He and his wife, Jennifer, have four daughters, Ava, Riley, Ruby, and Emma. In his spare time, Jonathan enjoys traveling, reading, and gardening.

Reviews

[Emma Wissman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly, highly recommend this book to literally anyone trying to pursue biblical friendships! And I literally never write long reviews so like it’s actually worth a read lol

This book convicted me so deeply and caused me to reflect on my motivations behind pursuing friendships in the first place. Although this seems pretty elementary, this book made me realize that I’ve been pursuing friendships for the wrong reasons- As Christians, we pursue friendships with others in order to bring glory to God, not simply to bring a sense of belonging or pleasure or fun to our lives (though good friendships also give us these things!) And true, biblical friendships aren’t supposed like those of the world in the level of constancy, transparency, counsel, and commitment that characterize them. It was super encouraging to see that what my heart truly longs for in friendship is what the Bible actually encourages.

My favorite part was this little blurb about boundaries that convicted me literally so much:

“In friendship, the concept of boundaries often feeds our desire for self-protection, isolation, and comfortable living, and an exemption from self-sacrificial love. All of which goes against the message of the gospel. [Ed] Welch concludes his helpful article, ‘When boundaries become a lifestyle, we are going to think about self-protection more than love. The overarching image is that we should break down boundaries between ourselves and others rather than erect them.’ After all it is Jesus who enters and enfolds us into his life rather than erecting boundaries to exclude us.”

It’s funny because I totally agree with this quote, but also have never heard something like this in all my years of ministry and all the books I’ve read. We live in a modern Christian culture that worships boundaries, and we are so obsessed with this idea of boundaries that I rarely see Christian friendships function with the level of transparency and commitment that they should if they’re supposed to point to Jesus. And these people, myself included, are people who are like actually trying to pursue Christ-centered friendships! I wonder what friendships would look like within the church if we focused more on how we can be brought closer instead of how to keep each other at a distance.

My last little thought that’s like not super related but now has me down a rabbit hole: I think that if friendships really functioned now like they did in Jesus’s life, singleness would feel much less like a burden and the idea of marriage would be much less of an idol. Not everyone is called to be a husband/wife, but every Christin is called to biblical friendship in some capacity. I don’t know, I think a lot of the loneliness and lack of intimacy that singles can struggle with (again, myself included) could at least be somewhat helped by intimacy in healthy, biblical friendships.

Okay thanks for reading all my thoughts lol plz READ THIS BOOK!!

[Justin McGuire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent, informative, practical, biblical address of a topic about which little has been written. Will be referring to it often in the future.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent, very brief, to-the-point address on biblical friendship. Immediately going to reread and ask others to do the same so we can wrestle with and strive for more biblical friendship. Great questions and practical, but theologically weighty observations.

[Danielle Jensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is quick read that takes you through a solid definition of what a biblical friendship is, why it is so important, and how to cultivate it. It is basic, but I found it to be very grounding because I easily get caught up in the cultural norm of building relationships mainly through digital means rather than through face to face investment of time and energy.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

All of us have our own ideas about what is friendship or what it should be. Yet if you read this short book of less than 115 pages, you’ll be surprised and hopefully encouraged about the turnaround the author takes concerning the company we keep. Author Jonathan Holmes graciously defines for us what is biblical friendship and gives us a new perspective on our relationships. I whole-heartedly engaged in this book while reading it because I believe that this is the essence of true friendship: real relations that truly make a difference and leave an imprint in our pagan world!

Holmes starts by defining biblical friendship and explaining to us the goal in having such relationships. He lays his foundation on the fact that God the Father was himself in relation with the Son and the Spirit (the trinity). He goes on to explain, our friendships have the power to be Missional! By this he means that we display the glory of God and tell the good story of Jesus Christ.

Of course not all our relationships will be like this, nor can we force upon other Christians this kind of unity and engagement. This is something that takes time and commitment from both parties along with the same desire and understanding of true friendship. It will demand, of those engaged in this venue, time and investment. As we all know, every time we desire to serve the Lord the enemy is there to discourage or destroy. It won’t be any different here!

This is a short book, like I previously said; yet it is packed with insightful information, based on the Word of God. The author has a wonderful enlightening way of helping us see his biblical point of view on friendship and relationships. I greatly appreciated this book and recommend it to all those who desire to grow deeper in their understanding of how they can be better friends.

Ann L Beaulieu

[Jennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short practical guide for friendships (the real ones)! Lots of takeaways and applications points... Now just have to put into action. Recommend for all friends who want to take it to the next level :)

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Putting Jesus At The Center Of Your Friendships

This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to deepen their friendships and their relationship with Jesus.

Holmes' insights are both practical and inspiring, and he provides a biblical framework for cultivating meaningful connections with others.

The book is filled with heartwarming stories and practical advice on how to build and maintain friendships that reflect God's love.
I particularly appreciated how the author emphasized the importance of putting Jesus at the center of our friendships, and how our relationships should be grounded in love and a shared commitment to following Jesus.

Holmes' writing style is engaging and easy to read, making the book accessible to readers of all backgrounds. The book will leave you feeling inspired and motivated to be a better friend and a better follower of Jesus.

Overall, The Company We Keep is an excellent resource for anyone who wants to build deeper, more meaningful friendships that honor God. Highly recommended!

4.7/5

[Mala · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Cliffnotes of Many Sources on Friendship into One Book

Nice short book on friendship. He pulls examples and quotes from many different sources, which if you've studied the topic of friendship, it should be no surprise. There is not as much resources on the topic of friendship as one might find on other topics like marriage, dealing with depression, or studies of the end times, but this one is a nice concise gem for anyone wanting to study friendship to start. There are many resources then to jump into. Lewis, Axelrod, Bonhoeffer, etc. all speak and expound on different aspects of friendship, Holmes brings them altogether into one, giving you a cliffnotes version. I don't use the term 'friend' lightly, and if you've experienced friendship at the level Holmes describes, biblical friendship, you'll know a blessing like none other.

[Cameron Woodard · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great primer on the top of friendship.

My favorite quote at the end: “Biblical friendship, in particular, is a fruit of the gospel that uniquely witnesses to a reality greater than this life and its daily challenges. More than any other relationship, biblical friendship demonstrates to the world a spiritual unity rooted in the supernatural” -Holmes

[Emilie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking biblical view on friendships with great practical advice.

[Becky Hintz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is short, but certainly not shallow. It's distilled. Concentrated. Holmes is a faithful and helpful guide for anyone looking to deepen or re-orient her Christian friendships. Highly recommended.

[Matthew Gulenchyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great way to start in on an exploration of some great Christian literature about the topic of Biblical friendship. I have been in need of friendships since before the pandemic and since the pandemic, I have been strangely comforted that it seems like most people are struggling with this and not just me!

With that being said, the onus is on us. God has given us his word and invites us to come into friendship with him and pursue relationships that mature us into his image. Friendship is a great context for our sanctification.

I loved the practical and Bible oriented tips for developing Biblical friendships.

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent primer on biblical friendship!

[Rodney Stanfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

whatever you are reading, put it down and read this. Real friendships are dying or have died. This book helps to understand why.

[kyleesreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

📚 The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes

“Biblical friendship exists when two or more people, bound together by a common faith in Jesus Christ, pursue him and his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to Christ, who brought us into friendship with the Father.” ✝️💜

This book was a short, simple, straight to the point take on biblical friendship. It was very helpful and I’m so excited to apply this wisdom to my friendships. I’m thankful that we have Jesus as a model for biblical friendship and that he is ultimately our truest friend. 💝

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Elevator Pitch: Jonathan Holmes breaks down what biblical friendship is, how to have biblical friendships, the threats to biblical friendship, and the purpose of biblical friendship.

Themes: Christian non-fiction, theology, faith, biblical friendship, encouragement, godly wisdom

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[Stephanie Ridiculous · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know what Evangelicals need to hear this, but deep, meaningful, and intentional relationships are not unique to Christianity. Folks of all religious persuasions are able to, and commonly do, invest in, encourage, bear with, and live along side their friends.

There are a few good things in here, but overall it falls short in its limited scope and insistence on rigid guidelines that only serve to hurt our ability to live alongside those in our lives.

Also, trigger warning for homophobia; I don't have the energy to unpack it, but wanted to mention it so others can avoid if needed.

[Zach Kisor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical, biblical, challenging, and encouraging. A quick read supported with biblical passages and intertwined by theological truths, this was a joy to read alongside my best friend. We were each challenged to consider our own selfishness, how to realign ourselves to God’s aim for our life, and how, if done well, our friendship can sharpen our own faith and serve as an evangelistic tool to those around us. Worth the read

[Jordan Walter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated this book on friendship. Seeking biblical friendship is an intentional, thoughtful pursuit. It isn’t easy. But, the benefit and encouragement outweighs the challenges. The case Jonathan lays out is excellent. I’m convicted and challenged to pursue deeper, biblical friendships using this book as a guide.

Looking forward to getting this book into as many friends hands as I can.

[Ashleigh Sutter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my second time through this book. I read it years ago, but this year I’ve focused a lot on purpose. This was a good reminder of the purpose of biblical friendships - hint, it’s not just to watch football and vacation together. We should be getting beneath the surface regularly. It also was a reminder/encouragement that having lots of friends isn’t necessarily wise. I would recommend to anyone who values authenticity and advancing their knowledge about God’s view on relationships.

[Matt Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book while my church was teaching a five week class on the same topic. This book does very well in describing biblical friendship, what it is and isn't, and why Christians must pursue biblical friendship as a priority. My only suggestion would be to include some guidance on how to start down the road of pursuing biblical friendship. There are a couple paragraphs in the appendix but some more fleshed out guidance would be helpful.

[Paul Abdallah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent short primer on friendship. His 4 marks of biblical friendship along with his definition of biblical friendship were really useful. But most of all I was reminded and convicted to spend the time cultivating friendships. Just like a garden takes time to cultivate and doesn’t happen overnight so too do the kind of friendships that we need and long for. Super useful friend. I want to read it again with some friends!

[Garner Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author clearly states the problems of friendships that aren't Biblical, in many ways stating the obvious, but he does make some insightful points. Would have liked more - perhaps examples of how people have worked through some of the problems discussed.

I also wondered at the anticipated readership of this book. While women's friendships are briefly referred to at times, I found it odd that there was only one woman quoted in this book; a secular woman writing on social media. Unfortunately the author relied on the usual friendship sources who tend to be monks and men. This offers some assistance to other monks and men, but doesn't offer much to women whose friendship struggles tend to be quite different from those of men and uniquely related to the challenges of the roles and responsibilities of women as mother, home-maker and wife.
Perhaps the book should be re-titled accordingly.

[Bfleegs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, practical book

While not as much a theology of friendship, this book is certainly a decent primer on the topic. It bears the mark of great study, care, and experience in relationships. His frameworks on threats to friendship and the purpose of friendship are extremely helpful.

[Kayla Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jonathan Holmes' book is short, practical, and encouraging. Friendships are such an integral part of life, but this is one of the first books I've encountered specifically on the topic of how to think about friendship from a Biblical perspective. I feel challenged and equipped to be a better friend after reading and reflecting on each of the chapters. Highly recommend!

[mpsiple · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad (if a bit stale). All good advice, but maybe tried to do too much in a short book. Lewis' *Four Loves* is miles ahead.

(And I hope if I ever write a book, no one reads C.S. Lewis just before they pick it up. It's not fair.)

[Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend!!! Provides clarity, conviction, and very wise insight into friendships.

Also just putting this here for those of us struggling: “To bury a friendship is a keener grief than to bury a friend.”

[Alastair Gooderham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short practical primer examining our need for and practice and enjoyment of friendships. Very helpful in lots of areas if brief.

[Kenneth · Rating 1 out of 5]

The principles are fine, but the presentation is slow and meandering. It also seems to miss the critical points. I’d recommend The Compelling Community instead.

[Danette · Rating 4 out of 5]

2020 - A book about Christian living

[Ziba Burrow · Rating 5 out of 5]

It helped me have a healthier viewpoint on what a friendship is supposed to look like and some healthy expectations.