“Who are you, anyway?”
As though confessing to royal birth the little man said modestly:
“I am Hercule Poirot."
I thought very hard on how I should write this review. You see, I am an avid fan of Poirot and I wanted to write this like a true fangirl should; but also, I need to write seriously to tell the world once again how AMAZING and MAGNIFICENT Poirot is. So, I'll make a compromise. I'll write my fangirl review, but I’ll also write about the important things that I loved about this beautiful piece of writing.
Plus, let's be honest, how can I not be a fangirl when Poirot himself says:
"‘I have a little paragraph to myself in Society Gossip. But yes! Here it is: "‘Go it—criminals—all out! Hercule Poirot—and believe me, girls, he’s some Hercules!—our own pet society detective can’t get a grip on you. ’Cause why? ’Cause he’s got la grippe himself!’"
What I loved about this book:
1- Poirot can be super funny while he is not even trying to be one.
Here are some quotes that made me chuckle:
"I just managed to gasp out ‘Murder!’ and then everything went black—”
“Thank you, mademoiselle. It must have been a great shock to your nervous system."
“You make fun of Papa Poirot, is it not so?” He shook his finger at me. “You do not trust his grey cells?"
"It’s a hard nut to crack.”
“Oh, as far as that goes, I am very good at cracking the nuts! A veritable squirrel!"
“You arouse my gastronomic juices, Madame.”
"Trefusis is as mild as milk—drinks milk, too, I believe." (Ok, Poirot didn't say this one, but it was so funny anyway.)
2- Chocolate box.
I think this story is amazing. How Poirot admits that he also makes mistakes. It makes him more real. We all fail sometimes in life.
3- I liked the fact that inspector Japp, Hastings, and Poirot went on holiday together.
I wish I could see Poirot and Miss Marple in a case together, but I think that would be wishful thinking.
4- It's been foreshadowed multiple times that Poirot will commit a crime throughout multiple stories. Honestly, Agatha Christie is truly a once in a century genius.
“My dear Japp, if I committed a murder you would not have the least chance of seeing—how I set about it! You would not even be aware, probably, that a murder had been committed.”
5- Poirot likes hot chocolate. A true man. Indeed, anyone who likes hot chocolate must be worshipped.
6- George, Poirot's valet, is the opposite of Hastings, and Poirot tries so hard to impress the guy, but dude is so tired he doesn't give a flying fuck.
“You have such enthusiasm, my good George, you do not even ask what I propose to do.”
7- As the stories go on and Poirot gets older, I can clearly see that he is done with his clients' bullshit and is getting more and more impatient and arrogant towards them. Mate, I feel you. I feel you to the core.
8- Poirot is mood itself:
"I am like a cat, I sit by the fire and keep myself warm."
9- Poirot's MAGNIFICENT MOUSTACHE. How can I not RESPECT this guy when he says:
"Shall I say that he interested me because he was trying to grow a moustache and as yet the result is poor.” Poirot stroked his own magnificent moustache tenderly. “It is an art,” he murmured, “the growing of the moustache! I have sympathy for all who attempt it.”
10- Lady Chevenix-Gore.
Here is the thing: I never dreamt that I would meet a character that can frustrate even the great Hercule Poirot. But here it is, Lady Chevenix-Gore, and oh my man, she IS funny.
“I am a reincarnation of Hatshepsut, you know.”
Lady Chevenix-Gore made this announcement in a calm voice.
“Before that,” she went on, “I was a Priestess in Atlantis.”
11- Poirot's dreams are cute. Why is this man so cute? I don't know. I just know he is.
"After the dream he had had last night. He had been leaving Buckingham Palace after being personally thanked when his valet had come in with his morning chocolate!"
12- Poirot has a brother and his name is Achilles.
“Thinking of an imaginary conversation. Your mother and the late Mrs. Holmes, sitting sewing little garments or knitting: ‘Achille, Hercule, Sherlock, Mycroft. . . .’ ”
(Agatha Christie had an amazing sense of humour. When I see her, I'm gonna go and hug her and give her a thousand, a million kisses and hugs).
What I didn't like about this book:
Funny question you ask, how can I not like something about Poirot, but here are a few (that I actually liked but I'm pretending that I didn't):
1- How dare anyone call my beautiful Poirot an ogre and a monster!!!
(Not gonna lie, I laughed so hard here):
"He came to me, the tears in his eyes. ‘I will save you,’ I said. ‘I will go to this man—this ogre, this monster! Leave it to Vera.’ Now it is settled, I go."
Of course, Poirot says this about the woman who talks about him like this:
“A remarkable woman. I have a feeling, my friend—a very decided feeling—I shall meet her again. Where, I wonder?”
Well, will he actually meet Countess Rossakoff again?
The answer is yes. And boys and girls, I must admit I was quite shocked when they met again:
"But Fate itself is not more inexorable than the behaviour of two escalators moving in an inverse direction. Steadily, remorselessly, Hercule Poirot was borne upward, and the Countess Vera Rossakoff was borne downwards."
Well, what do you know?! Poirot, My Poirot mind you, has fallen for this woman!!!! How can this be?!
"As the hue of red roses, so were the cheeks of Hercule Poirot. He blushed, blushed to the eyeballs."
Haha! Never! Poirot is mine and mine alone.
2- "Though Hercule Poirot was a conceited little man where his profession was concerned, he was quite modest in his estimation of his personal attractions."
Excuse me??? He is extremely handsome. Do not try to say otherwise, or I shall commit a murder.
“What I understand you to mean is, that in physical appearance I do not resemble a Hercules?”
No love, no detective will ever be as handsome as you. Luckily, Poirot is super smart and he figures this out himself:
"Take this Hercules—this hero! Hero, indeed! What was he but a large muscular creature of low intelligence and criminal tendencies!"
Yes! Yes mon ami. That is true:
"Here, then, was a modern Hercules—very distinct from that unpleasant sketch of a naked figure with bulging muscles, brandishing a club."
Believe me, a single gray cell of yours is a 1000 times better than all the muscles Hercules had.
Rating?
Why are you even asking?
100/5 stars.