My Selling Pitch:
Another half-baked acotar rip-off, chock-full of anachronisms.
On my do not read list.
Pre-reading:
I haven’t read this author before, but I’ve heard phenomenal things.
(obviously potential spoilers from here on)
Thick of it:
My brain’s already autocorrected that to riding kangaroos.
Oh no, I think I’m going to hate this. It’s giving YA.
It’s kind of giving Fourth Wing wanna be.
How do you make lilac leather, and how does that make sense for a stealth squadron even with an invisibility shield?
This is really poorly written so far.
Not vigorously LMAO.
You know, I didn’t need a blowjob in chapter 2.
Really weird that this book is opening with watch your family member get blown.
This is a lot of telling not showing.
I don’t trust his aunt. (Unfounded. This book does not have a single plot twist.)
They’re right. This is just blackotar lmao.
You can tell she's a feminist because she owns a brothel. Like I’m just-
Bounce on it crazy style. This book is BAD.
This is cringe af.
Dicked down in ye olde fantasy is crazy.
Ugh, another piney boy.
EW. Get me out of here.
His ego can’t handle-BOY, BYE
It has like every bad cliche. Like how to make your mans cool-open with him having casual sex with a woman he doesn’t respect. Like girl, I hate it here.
The author: look they’re equals!
Sam: …the bar is in hell.
Unfortunately, I do love the god in bed trope every fucking time. Why is THIS the hill my sense of humor dies on? (It’s the religious trauma lmao.)
Not the hard screw lmao. This is so BAD. COMICALLY BAD!
The audiobook sounds like Calliou for Kiyun, and it’s sending me picturing this bald ass Canadian child.
So Jacobi and Serena? And Dedric and Latisha lmao. (I did lowkey think this was gonna be a series, but I’m very thankful it’s not.)
Black Elsa, heard.
CAMARADERIE, I mean-🎶
So she built a sorority.
Take a shot every time someone sucks their teeth.
Red weddings are so tired at this point.
Feel your fuck up is crazy.
So the thirteen. I know SJM didn’t invent it, but girllll-
I just don’t need to know everyone’s eye color and exact shade of skin color.
What do you mean he’s wearing a grill?
Not that as you wish Princess Bride shit.
Glom??? In ye olde. This is all anachronisms!
“I was cajoled here?” No one talks like this!
This reads like she edited with a thesaurus and find and replace. No one says “show some capitulation.”
Why are we bloating the word count? She’s like they’re probably related and then details why she thinks they’re probably related and no one cares and it’s never relevant.
She’s like telling us the relevance of every single action, and it’s like you can just say the action and let the reader infer the most basic thing.
You can’t make Rihanna a singer in this day and age. Shocked the other one isn’t Lizzo.
So help me god, if they don’t have plumbing, but they have grills and stiletto nails-
So her being wet is not consent to strip her. Oh, I’m so annoyed with this book.
These sex scenes are so cringe and insta-love. Like I hate this.
God, make it stop.
My brain also keeps autocorrecting it to Kalamata olives.
Not more chortling! What is up with publishing this year? Were they contractually obligated to include this word? I’ve never seen it so much before. It’s so out of place every single time. Chortle to me is like an old, fat Santa belly laugh. It belongs on somebody’s fat merchant dad that the book’s gonna treat like an idiot. I feel like every time I’ve read it this year it’s where a snicker or a chuckle should’ve been.
This is so incredibly bad. The way I’m team villain because homie is actually a bad and incompetent king lmao. Castrate the man. Maybe then we’d get some actual politicking done.
So help me god, if they eat soup-
We gotta stop normalizing choking. Number one predictor of domestic abuse and murder. (Samantha, you’re kink shaming again. You’re damn right I am.)
Moderately better sex scene, but then she’s still over-explaining and cringing me out.
All her writing is so repetitive. Like find a synonym, babe.
You know, I asked her to find a synonym and then she does do a find and replace, but it’s for a word with a completely different connotation. Oh, this book is driving me nuts. Did anyone edit this? Like for real?
The fantasy girlies love a bath scene. It’s me. I’m fantasy girlies.
She’s even using the exact same scents as SJM. Like be so for real.
How is a saltwater bath gonna get you clean? That’s gonna ruin your hair.
“Get the suds out good” is not correct.
Not the Twilight irrevocably line 😂
I’m so desensitized to all the fucking. I’m like preparing Thanksgiving dinner while they’re going to bone town.
They keep comparing this man to a cat, and I’m like I’m such a dog person.
How long is this sex scene? Is this like six chapters now? I’m not even joking. Also, I’m a little pervert-see my entire reading history. I’m down for a book that’s mostly just fucking, if it’s good fucking. This is not good fucking.
The word count of this is so, so bloated. Everything is so redundant. Just fucking move the book.
I think The Jasad Heir has ruined me for fantasy, and if it’s not that I don’t want it.
In what world do you say your dick fucked me with swagger?
All these fantasy book dudes are like I’m sure I’ve exhausted you. Have you met men? They nut once and roll over and look dead. We’ve gotta change this narrative.
I know I’m so checked out from this book and I’ve already decided that I hate it and there’s no redeeming it, but I do not need her to spend pages and pages on these fucking flowers.
Weird to tell your mom that you’re good in bed.
Wait, kind of a plot hole that they have an invisibility spell when they’re riding their dragons because of some magic. Why couldn’t they be invisible going to and from her bachelorette essentially? (Because then we wouldn’t have a book.)
Oh, that’s morning sickness. That bitch is pregnant. But you know, if you fuck for six chapters straight, I think that’s what you get.
HIS DICK GAME. OH, I HATE THIS BOOK.
I like this little abortion chat they’re having, but I don’t think she’s actually gonna have one.
Ain’t got no tears left to cry🎶
But like if it mattered to you, you would chug that real fast.
I’ve been reading this all day, and I can’t get through it. It’s so bad. (I averaged maybe like four chapters per six hours.)
How is this book gonna say henceforth in one sentence and dick game in the next?
Oh god, they’re fucking the shadows again.
Bequeathed in the middle of a sex scene is crazy.
This is for the people who like solely get off on the wife and husband titles and that’s just not me.
Humping??? Ugh.
There’s so little plot to this book and yet it’s 500 pages. I can be down for a bad book that is mostly just fucking-see Assassin Princess Warrior or whatever order of buzzword nouns it is, but this is so melodramatic and bad.
You’re only my equal if you can kill me is crazy.
I don’t know what the timeline is on this book, but it feels like they’ve known each other for like 48 hours. (Long enough to get pregnant but-)
Hey, I’ve said it before, but I feel like this also fits into the category. He’s not a good man just because he’s not raping and murdering you. The bar has to be higher than that.
Hey, I know I killed your dad, but he deserved it, so it’s chill, right?
Oh, now they’re mind-reading again. We have to stop pushing this narrative that your true love should be able to read your mind.
Every single romantasy reads exactly the same to me.
Info dumping about the not-dragons’ powers 95% into this book is criminal.
She’s playing real fast and loose with shadow physics lmao.
I’m so glad we solved patriarchy by-checks notes- oh yes, being a war prize engagement, impregnated by her captor, and birthing a son prophesied to fix the world. Dany you are not.
At least this is a standalone and it didn’t to be continued me.
Post-reading:
One of these days, I’m gonna find a romantasy that’s not an SJM clone. Today is not that day.
Objectively, this is readable. It is coherent. It tells a complete story arc. But holy fuck, I hated every second of this. It’s about 300 pages too long for a story you’ve already read. It is criminal how bloated this word count is. Every detail is over-explained. The author doesn’t trust her reader to do any heavy lifting and spoonfeeds the relevance of not just every character’s action, but their every thought. It’s gratingly repetitive. There’s a couple phrases that are overused to the point they could be a drinking game. Ironically, there’s also places in the text where it feels like she was editing with a thesaurus in hand and throwing in synonyms willy-nilly that almost mean the same thing, but the connotation of the word makes it not quite fit. The whole thing’s just awkward. It’s also chock full of anachronisms. I’m not anti-slang or pop culture references in a book, but I think your story has to have a pretty high degree of camp if you’re going down that route. If you expect me to take your ye olde fantasy seriously where they don’t have doctors and indoor plumbing, you can’t have your MMC talk about his dick game.
I know SJM didn’t invent the genre, but this book has some striking similarities. It’s a running joke that I keep track of how many romance MMCs smell like pine because it’s like every author has forgotten there’s other things to smell like, but to throw in specifically lavender soap and a squadron of not-dragon riding female warriors… and then to make him a shadow daddy who can speak mind to mind with her. It’s disappointing. It feels lazy. It feels like it was written as an amalgamation of tropes rather than as its own unique story.
The romance is super rushed. It tries to bill itself as enemies to lovers, but this is insta-love at its most cliché. It’s also rough on the internalized misogyny. It’s one of those books that thinks it’s feminist because she runs a brothel and likes exhibitionism so she must be sexually liberated and free! But then the only way it knows how to introduce its MMC and show he’s too cool for school is by having him fuck an NPC because he’s never viewed women as anything but objects until he meets the FMC. She can fix him, no really she can! I’m so tired of this. This isn’t romantic. Do so much better. It’s also a choice to make the happily ever after be getting impregnated by your captor who killed your family. Obviously, this will end the patriarchy when you- checks notes- birth a son!
The smut in this is abrupt, too long, and once again repetitive as hell. There’s books with lengthy sex scenes, and then there’s dragging out glorified missionary for multiple chapters. It contributes nothing to the plot, and it felt pretty amateur and clumsy. It wasn’t hot. The dirty talk didn’t work for me.
And I think my main problem with this book’s writing across the board-we’re talking plot, character development, and sex scenes- is that it’s all telling and no showing. Nothing has room to breathe. It’s so frustrating. Just give me the dialogue. You don’t need to explain to me that this shows he’s a damaged individual with a dark past. I have eyes. I’ll make the leap. There’s a particularly egregious instance of infodumping at the 95% mark. She halts one of the precious few action scenes to detail the not-dragons’ powers. Like girl, you are out of pages. It doesn’t matter how your magic system works anymore. The book is over. It felt like a beta reader pointed out a plot hole, and instead of going back and developing the world in earlier chapters, she was like I can hand-wave this away with a line about how actually, there’s a loophole because they’re bonded teams. It’s sloppy work.
And there is no real magic system to this book. Powers exist just for the vibes. All these shadow daddies need a physics lesson. They’re so overpowered because it doesn’t make sense that darkness can turn into swords and arrows and somehow also tornadoes. Somehow, this absence of light has weight to it so it can be used for sanitized tentacle porn. Every character is supposedly the most powerful fae ever, but the reader never gets an explanation for why they’re more powerful than they theoretically should be. It’s very big dick, bigger powers, and it all just feels like overcompensating.
The side characters are barely developed, but even then, they just feel like thinly veiled SJM rewrites.
And I just don’t have anything positive to say. It’s a dime a dozen plot, with a romance I was never invested in, and the writing’s just okay. I will never understand the popularity of these generic fantasies. I think reading Tamora Pierce as a child spoiled me. I know they could be so much more. That’s the bar. And that was for children!
If I knew nothing else about this author, this book would put me off ever picking her up again. I’ve heard such good things about her dystopian series, though, and curiosity is a hard drug to me. I’ll give her another shot. As far as this book goes… if you like acotar rewrites, you’ll probably like this one. If, like me, that series is the bane of your existence, don’t pick this up. You will hate it.
Who should read this:
Acotar fans
Quicksilver fans
Generic romantasy fans
Ideal reading time:
Anytime
Do I want to reread this:
Fuck no
Would I buy this:
Fuck no
Similar books:
* A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas-OG romantasy
* Quicksilver by Callie Hart-acotar rewrite, dystopian, fantasy romance, vampires
* Fall of Ruin and Wrath by Jennifer L. Armentrout-acotar rewrite, dystopian, fantasy romance
* A Crown of Ivy and Glass by Claire Legrand-acotar rewrite, fantasy romance, family drama
* The Deathless One by Emma Hamm-fantasy romance
* A Feather So Black by Lyra Selene-acotar rewrite, Swan Lake retelling, fantasy romance
* Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros-fantasy romance, magic school, dragons
* Warrior Princess Assassin by Brigid Kemmerer-fantasy romance, why choose
* Immortal Dark by Tigest Girma-dark academia, urban fantasy, vampires, enemies to lovers romance
* Sing Me to Sleep by Gabi Burton-The Little Mermaid retelling, fantasy, enemies to lovers romance
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.