Crap CVs

by Jenny Crompton

Crap CVs is a hilarious compilation of the worst job applications imaginable, including overly-honest cover letters, embarrassing typos, mortifying personal revelations, awkward interview questions, misplaced self-confidence, self-aggrandizing gibberish, blatant truth-twisting and, of course, outright lies.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction

218 pages, Paperback

First published October 9, 2014

Reviews

[Redfox5 · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was fun to flick through but does get a bit boring at times. Would be best to read this in small chucks rather in one go.

Some of these are believable, but some of these must be made up. Working in HR, I could certainly add some stories to the last section but I have signed a confidentiality agreement so.....

This would make a good secret Santa gift for someone who works in recruitment.

[Louise Bray · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was fine, there were some mildly amusing things in here but it was very repetitive - admittedly it’s probably not designed to be read cover to cover like I did. But even then most of it was blatantly made up and not even funny..

[Hannah Polley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I spend a lot of time in my day job looking at CVs, so my partner thought it would be funny to buy me a book about rubbish CVs. I don't think he realised that the last thing I want to do is read about CVs after having to look through them all day but it was a short book so I read it.

This book is about things people would definitely NOT put on their CV or what you wish you could really put on your CV/covering letter when you apply for a job. I presume these are made up examples to be funny?

Some of it did make me smile. However, what I couldn't figure out who the target audience for this book would be? I was only reading it as I felt obliged to but it is definitely not a reference book to help someone with a CV and it is not laugh out loud funny (so if you would looking for a funny book, this is not one you would pick off the shelf) so I just couldn't understand who is expected to buy this book?

It was very short and because most of the book is in bullet points, it makes it ever shorter.

[Tiina · Rating 1 out of 5]

It seems that the texts in this book are from real life and have been gathered from a source or from several sources in the Internet. Web is a good place for these kinds of collections, and things may appear funnier there, too.

As a book, this is boring.

There should have been an introduction in the beginning, to set the scene. Are these real? Or has the author created all of these? But no, there is only a sentence of dedication and then the book launches. With an introduction, I would probably have given this book two stars, but without it, this is a non-book. Do not bother.

[XOSO66 · Rating 5 out of 5]

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[Lucy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would have given this 2.5, but I've rounded up.

I work in recruitment so over the years I've seen my fair share of CV and application letter blunders as well as odd interview situations, but this book really focussed far too heavily on typos and spelling mistakes which after the first 20 examples becomes a bit dull. I feel that this would have been a better book if it was half as long with the "padding" of the multiple spelling mistakes.

All that said there were some short and humourous snippets and it's a perfect "bathroom" book to dip in and out of. The end is the best bit where they actually described real life interview blunders which were more amusing than the spelling mistake elements, I would have preferred to see more focus on this section ideally.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of these are so appalling that you hope they are fake. I would though consider hiring the man on page 57 as I loved his ironic sense of of humour: “ using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once defended a small Amazonian village from a horde of ferocious ants”. I also liked the person who sent in a cast of his foot so he could get a foot in the door.

[Melanie Rippon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Should have had an introduction for context - supposedly real examples but reads like they've just been made up. Some mildly funny entries but quite repetitive if read through in a single session like I did.

[John Spiers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Initially funny but becomes repetitive and boring. Maybe the author had been using extracts from her book and hence had no success in finding other work? Maybe she just had a bad teacher? Maybe a bizarre coincidence of both?

[Kārlis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious in the middle, a bit boring/repetitive/cringey in the beginning and end. I love the contrast of fragments where people used as many words from a thesaurus as possible and short, weird, but creative "special skills" like "Not a child molester."

[Sophie Amalya · Rating 4 out of 5]

This definitely succeeded in making me feel a whole lot better about myself and gave me some hope for the world. So funny. 👍🏼

[Lizzy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most hilarious set of job applicants we have ever seen. We were going to give this as a present, but can't bring ourselves to actually do the giving part...

[Egan Reeve · Rating 1 out of 5]

It just all felt very fake. Really fake.

[Bartley Sharkey · Rating 1 out of 5]

A bunch of comments taken out of context. Sure, some are amusing but it's all just a bit too forced.

[Cory · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those books they flog at Christmas time; it's toilet reading kind of stuff, dip-in-and-out, give it to someone for Chrissie because it's not too demanding. I read it in one big lump, because I picked it up and it was sort of like getting sucked into Buzzfeed or Cracked -- funny at the time, compulsively time consuming, but it feels pointless once you're done.

The genuine gems in here are the typos and the hubris; I've run into some people and CVs like this in my working career, and I've had some doozies of interviews/CV readings. The schadenfreude is wonderful. The ones that don't scan so well are ones that are making fun of people who speak a language other than English as their first language, and people who clearly have something going on with them that's outside of their control. It also seems to have been pushed out to the printers -- one deficit of reading it in once sitting is that the repetition becomes obvious. There's also a conspicuous lack of sources, which leads me to believe that a good many of these crap CVs, if not all of them, are fiction -- zingers, one-liners and jokes.

All that aside, I'm going to get it for someone I've sat on many interview panels with this year, because the feeling of sheer relief that is isn't just your workplace that attracts strange applicants is something that I think they'll enjoy. I wouldn't be surprised if that's how this book garners most of its sales.

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

OMG, this book was utterly hilarious!

I had my own resume failure with "attention to detale" and not changing my email display name from "anonymoose :O)" but these gaffes made me feel a hundred percent better about my mistakes.

A few of them, admittedly, seemed to be due to not having English as a first language which is probably unfair to laugh at, but a few of them were lessons in never trusting "Google Translate".

And the last chapter about Terrible Tales from HR is a shocker! The things people say...seriously.

[ADAM · Rating 5 out of 5]

very funny

[Alex · Rating 2 out of 5]

A collection of mildly amusing zingers. Best consumed while working on your own CV and job applications, as it is sure to remind you of your own relative competence.