Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life

by Justine Brooks Froelker

“When are you having kids?”

“Why don’t you just adopt?”

These innocent, well-meaning questions everyone asks couples, especially women of a certain age. To those 1 in 8 couples who undergo infertility treatments, these questions do not feel at all innocent or well-meaning, but invalidating to the battle they’re fighting and the difficulty and pain involved in the adoption process.

"Ever Upward" is Justine Froelker’s surprising story of triumph over terrible luck. This is the story of how Justine redefined her childless life and learned to be okay, whole and happy with a full childfree life. "Ever Upward" is a story that resonates with many: a story of pain, struggle, recovery, triumph and acceptance. Ever Upward fills the current gap on the infertility bookshelf, providing a voice to those silenced by infertility, opening the conversation to the other side asking for understanding and acceptance of the path that sadly doesn’t include children; challenging us all to consider more than one happy ending.

"Ever Upward" is Justine’s story, and yet it is every woman’s story, mother or not, because behind the wall of shamed silence, the smile and “I can do everything” attitude lies millions of women suffering with the pain of infertility. Join Justine as she shows us that the connection to our stories is the only way back to the truth of who we are.

178 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 25, 2014

About the author

Full of grit and grace, Justine Froelker uses her fiery passion, the occasional curse word, and witty humor to share her courage and truth to light up the world. Justine is an advocate for speaking the unspoken and choosing to thrive when life doesn’t turn out how you hoped, dreamed, or planned. Her spirit helps others to feel seen and empowered to change their own lives by learning to love and lead themselves and others well.

Justine is a Licensed Professional Counselor with more than 20 years of experience in traditional mental health and personal development. For eight years Justine has been certified in the work of Dr. Brené Brown as a Certified Daring Way™, Dare to Lead™ & BOLD™ Facilitator. Justine has extensive experience helping people cope with their stress in a healthier way, communicate more effectively with the people they love and lead, and walk in their whole truth.

Justine is the author of nine books including five Amazon best-sellers. Her latest book is 100 Devotions for Kids Dealing with Anxiety releasing June 7, 2022 through Zonderkidz, a division of HarperCollins Christian Publishing. Her previous books are Rest & Receive, Pelia the Marvel (faith and school edition). Ever Upward, Lessons in Ever Upward, The Mother of Second Chances, Taking Flight, and The Complicated Gray, which released as a #1 New Release in Grief on Amazon.

Justine’s work can be found at her social media channels, The Huffington Post, the YouVersion Bible app, Reflective Prayer, Great Day St. Louis, Justine’s YouTube channel, and many podcasts including her own, Authentic Enoughness!

Justine enjoyed sharing her message of courageous resilience during her Rising Ever Upward tour where she offered workshops and intensives in eight cities across the country. She was also honored to do two TEDx Talks, The Permission of the And and The Donut Effect. She travels nationally and presents virtually to global audiences delivering keynotes, workshops, and trainings on topics such as leadership, courage, resilience, mental health, preventing and coping with burnout, and courageous and curious conversation, especially in creating cultures of belonging and diversity, equity, and inclusion.

Justine lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad, their three dogs, and for four months of the year, hundreds of monarch butterflies. She enjoys her childfull life by spending time with friends, traveling, practicing creative self-care, laughing (many times at herself), and marveling at nature, especially in building butterfly gardens, which has made her an accidental butterfly farmer.

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I kind of struggle with how to review this book. As a reader I was frustrated by some of the repetition and grammatical errors/inaccuracies. As someone who has dealt/is dealing with infertiliity I was encouraged by Froelker's honesty, and I could definitely relate to many of the feelings and emotions she recounts having been through. I admire her continuing fight for her recovery, healing, and her "ever upward."
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who has dealt with, or is dealing with, infertility in any respect - whether you're dealing with your own infertility journey or that of a friend or family member, counselors, clergy, medical professionals. Ever Upward offers a very unique and honest look into the life of the (seeming) minority - those who struggle with infertility and DON'T end up with children who are biologically or legally tied to them. And as part of that minority it is so nice to feel represented, accepted, validated, and connected as you say, "I thought I was the only one!"
*Note: I received a copy of this book in exchange for my review.

[Tegan Wren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook of Ever Upward, a moving series of personal stories about the author and her husband's journey through infertility, and how they arrived at the decision to embrace a life without children.

The passages where Justine describes the IVF process brought back memories of my own experience of the one cycle we did. I found myself nodding my head, remembering the process very clearly, even though my cycle was back in 2007. Her transparency in describing her feelings--the hope, the anticipation--moved me to tears. I remember how that felt.

Because my husband and I chose a different route post-IVF failure (adoption), I was quite interested in hearing Justine talk about why she and her husband decided to live childfree. (Side note: Not sure how much I like that term because Justine and her husband are very intentional about being involved in the lives of their friends' children.) I appreciated Justine's honesty in talking about adoption. She rightly points out that it's not like a couple "just" goes and adopts a baby. It's a lifelong decision and one that's not to be suggested or done lightly.

There was a section in which she talked about how she started taking better care of herself after the IVF failure. Because I've long since moved on, I was a bit distracted during this section. Her tips and advice are excellent for anyone who wants to embrace a healthier lifestyle, but for some reason, this section didn't hold my attention as much as the others. I loved the section about the home they found and the massive overhaul they did on it.

Overall, I think any woman who has experienced infertility will enjoy this book. As a woman whose path was quite different, this book helped me appreciate and understand couples who opt for childfree living. I value the honesty, humor, and vulnerability Justine conveys in this book. It touched me, and I'm sure it will touch many others.

[Rachel McGrath · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any woman or couple dealing with struggles with their own fertility should read this book!

Justine’s own story is different to mine, yet much of what she writes resonated closely with the feelings and emotions I had experienced. At times I felt she was truly talking to me as she captures the pain and misfortune associated with her own quest to be a mother. Each woman dealing with fertility struggles has their own unique story, but in essence, this book shows that we are not so different, and like Justine, we need to redefine our destiny to focus on finding a rich life with or without children.

Her positive focus throughout the story, how she ensured that she maintained the strength in her relationship, and made decisions about her life that would help her redefine her future in a more fulfilled way.

Justine is honest, unguarded and transparent throughout the entire book.
She is 'Ever Upward' and I hope to carry the same strength!

[Kristie (fabk) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book hit home. I may not be childfree but I may have the choice of having more than my one taken away from me. This book basically said what I have been needing for the last couple of years. It gave me a framework if you will of what I need to do going forward.
It was inspiring.

[Elizabeth Wells · Rating 3 out of 5]

Its rare to find a perspective of what comes after the decision to be childless, which is why I picked up this book. Its entertaining and refreshing to read someone else's experience and story, but I did feel like it was also a little surface level, that there was almost too much pressure to be positive, and move ever upwards. Every woman going through infertility is experiencing this hellscape differently, and there are parts of this book I will take away and research further, but it isn't a step by step guide on how to cope so bear that in mind when going in if that is what you are needing. Its a brief snapshot of another woman's journey, and I'm glad it's been shared.

[Serena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt like this book offered really good insight and representation. I enjoyed hearing about all parts of the authors journey into building and maintaining her “ever upward” and what that looked like for her. I also appreciated her authenticity. Some parts were a little repetitive, but I felt this was a beautiful story that should be honored regardless as it wasn’t overwhelming repetition like other books I’ve read

[Lauren Wilson · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was unable to finish this book as my frustration built listening to the grammatical errors and frequent repetition.

Her fertility story in chapter one was worth a listen, as I’m struggling through IVF right now myself and feeling depression, anger, and injustice.

The rest of the book (I managed to get through half of it) was preechy, self help oriented, and written poorly.

[L C · Rating 2 out of 5]

This reads like a blog post, and contains so much about this woman's experience that was not directly related to her experience of infertility. I really didn't need to know every detail of her house hunt, her life with her pets, or the friendships she has made through the infertility and TTC communities online. This book is a memoir, not a book about infertility and how to "overcome" as it says in the title. She offered no advice and barely mentioned the important topics such as grief, anger, adjusting your expectations and theories about happiness - all things that the amazon reviews for this book hinted that it contained. The information that I found useful or inspiring or interesting at all could have filled maybe 15 pages of the book. I plan on mailing it to someone else in the childless community who might get more out of it than I did.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Defining your own happy ending

I am so appreciative of the authenticity of this book. The hope of IVF doesn't always have the assumed happy ending, but it doesn't mean that the ending can't be happy. I am looking forward to making my own happy playlist and defining my routines to keep my heart from being that of bitterness and stone.

[Laura Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally, someone who can express what I have felt for years.