What do you think?
Rate this book
The Entitlement Cure: Finding Success in Doing Hard Things the Right Way
Today we live in a culture that says, My life should be easy and work well for me. This attitude, called entitlement, influences our most important institutions: family, business, church, and government. Its effects are devastating, contributing to relational problems, work ethic issues, and emotional struggles.
It comes down to this: People are not getting to where they want to go, because they don t know how to do life the Hard Way. Their entitlement keeps them from tackling challenges and finding success.
This book provides principles and tools for change. It teaches people the skills of learning to tackle and resolve matters that are difficult, rather than avoiding them, giving up too quickly, or hoping someone else will do it for them. The habits gleaned from this book will lead to success in the reader s relationships, finances, self-care, and work. When the reader faces what must be faced, he stands to meet his goals and resolve his struggles better and faster. In that sense, this book brings a great deal of hope and positivity to a tough arena of life.
The Hard Way is simple: it is facing any challenge required to accomplish what matters most. Anything worth doing will have a cost of being hard to do. But when we learn how to do the right things, and push through the pain that comes, we stand a much better chance of success.
Sometimes trials are put upon us, such as a troubled marriage, a failing business, or an illness. At other times they are opportunities where we need to take a risk, such as starting a part-time business, or simply being vulnerable with someone. At still other times they are problems that must be faced, such as a troubled teen, a conversation we have been avoiding, or a team at work that needs to be restructured. Whatever the context, the Hard Way is the first and best way to approach a good outcome."
It comes down to this: People are not getting to where they want to go, because they don t know how to do life the Hard Way. Their entitlement keeps them from tackling challenges and finding success.
This book provides principles and tools for change. It teaches people the skills of learning to tackle and resolve matters that are difficult, rather than avoiding them, giving up too quickly, or hoping someone else will do it for them. The habits gleaned from this book will lead to success in the reader s relationships, finances, self-care, and work. When the reader faces what must be faced, he stands to meet his goals and resolve his struggles better and faster. In that sense, this book brings a great deal of hope and positivity to a tough arena of life.
The Hard Way is simple: it is facing any challenge required to accomplish what matters most. Anything worth doing will have a cost of being hard to do. But when we learn how to do the right things, and push through the pain that comes, we stand a much better chance of success.
Sometimes trials are put upon us, such as a troubled marriage, a failing business, or an illness. At other times they are opportunities where we need to take a risk, such as starting a part-time business, or simply being vulnerable with someone. At still other times they are problems that must be faced, such as a troubled teen, a conversation we have been avoiding, or a team at work that needs to be restructured. Whatever the context, the Hard Way is the first and best way to approach a good outcome."
276 pages, Hardcover
First published September 8, 2015
173 people are currently reading
1044 people want to read
About the author
John Townsend
472 books259 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, co-host of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He has written or co-written twenty-seven books, including the bestselling Boundaries, Safe People, and Hiding from Love. He and his wife, Barbi, live in southern California. They have two grown sons.
Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, co-host of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He has written or co-written twenty-seven books, including the bestselling Boundaries, Safe People, and Hiding from Love. He and his wife, Barbi, live in southern California. They have two grown sons.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews
July 18, 2019
Somehow... rudimentary? condescending? superficial? All the advice in here is painfully obvious. Sure most of it is good advice, but if you are at all a remotely competent human being you should already know all this stuff.
I think I went into this expecting social commentary. But it’s nothing more than a very basic self-help book. I shouldn’t give it a low rating just because I was expecting a different kind of book. But I am going to anyway.
I didn’t realize until after picking it up that the same author wrote Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. I was less than impressed with that one, though still willing to revisit it.
I am more interested in someday reading The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement.
I think I went into this expecting social commentary. But it’s nothing more than a very basic self-help book. I shouldn’t give it a low rating just because I was expecting a different kind of book. But I am going to anyway.
I didn’t realize until after picking it up that the same author wrote Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. I was less than impressed with that one, though still willing to revisit it.
I am more interested in someday reading The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement.
February 20, 2016
The content of the book was excellent. The format, audiobook, detracted from the content. This is a book I want to buy and recommend. I wouldn't recommend the audio.
1) Tracks = chapters. Good because you could go directly to a chapter easily. Bad because some tracks ran 25 minutes or more. My player in my vehicle had issues around minute 9 in one of those long tracks. It was hard to get back to where I was on the disk.
2) Read by the author. Good because the author should know his subject. Bad because it felt rushed at some places. At times it was hard to determine when he was doing a subheading in the chapter or pausing for emphasis.
3) Content was great. I realized I have a few areas I feel entitled. I need to confront those areas. Part of why I wish to buy the book is the tools offered for you to help those who have entitlement issues in their life. I see this as a good reference tool.
My rating is based on the experience with the audiobook. I would rate this 5 stars for the content.
1) Tracks = chapters. Good because you could go directly to a chapter easily. Bad because some tracks ran 25 minutes or more. My player in my vehicle had issues around minute 9 in one of those long tracks. It was hard to get back to where I was on the disk.
2) Read by the author. Good because the author should know his subject. Bad because it felt rushed at some places. At times it was hard to determine when he was doing a subheading in the chapter or pausing for emphasis.
3) Content was great. I realized I have a few areas I feel entitled. I need to confront those areas. Part of why I wish to buy the book is the tools offered for you to help those who have entitlement issues in their life. I see this as a good reference tool.
My rating is based on the experience with the audiobook. I would rate this 5 stars for the content.
January 17, 2016
I thought this one was full of a lot of good ideas. However, the Bible verses out of context made me drop it a star.
January 14, 2017
God is using The Entitlement Cure by John Townsend to change my life. I wouldn’t have thought of myself as “entitled”—a bit self-centered from being introverted, yes, but not “entitled.” According to the author, “Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment.”
As I read the first few chapters, I was uncomfortable with the content. I kept thinking about setting it aside to read later, but I also knew my discomfort was a sign I needed to press in to find the source of my uneasiness.
As John Townsend began to explain the path of least resistance followed by people with entitlement issues versus the “Hard Way” followed by people who overcome obstacles in life and find success, I knew I was onto something that would help me. According to the author, the Hard Way is “The habit of doing what is best, rather than what is comfortable, to achieve a worthwhile outcome.”
One thing that struck me early on was that my generation was taught to reframe negatives as positives because it’s better for your mental health. But Townsend suggests that if we don’t allow ourselves to identify negative things in our lives then we don’t have anything to change. You have to identify a problem before you can fix it so calling it something else prevents you from making changes.
He offers a number of mantras throughout the book—first person declarations of principles to live by and the reasons the Hard Way is better.
Townsend’s explanation for getting unstuck (which is how I’ve felt for years) set me into immediate action: “Your Next Hard Thing (NHT) is the choice you need to make that will get you past the difficulty.” Instead of the overwhelm of too many things that seem too big or out of control, he suggests taking one small step each day. As you chip away at that big problem, it won’t be so big and eventually, you’ll overcome your obstacles.
He also explained that “Doing stuff that doesn’t seem productive is an improvement over not doing anything except the same thing you’ve always done.” *Headslap* Well, of course! I feel stuck because I’m approaching things the same way I always have (which includes a lot of avoidance) so doing something different is an improvement, even if it seems unproductive at the moment. That is helpful to me in changing my habits and how I look at them.
I hate to be dramatic, but this is potentially a life-changing book for me. If you or anyone you know seems stuck in life, The Entitlement Cure would be a worthwhile read. Townsend also spends a lot of time addressing loved ones in how they can help others who are living with “the entitlement disease.” (BTW, that’s the one thing I took exception to. I didn’t like him referring to it as a disease because I felt that belittles people with actual diseases or mental illness.)
Go. Buy. Read. Overcome.
This review, along with additional book quotes, first appeared on my blog, ChristyBower.com.
As I read the first few chapters, I was uncomfortable with the content. I kept thinking about setting it aside to read later, but I also knew my discomfort was a sign I needed to press in to find the source of my uneasiness.
As John Townsend began to explain the path of least resistance followed by people with entitlement issues versus the “Hard Way” followed by people who overcome obstacles in life and find success, I knew I was onto something that would help me. According to the author, the Hard Way is “The habit of doing what is best, rather than what is comfortable, to achieve a worthwhile outcome.”
One thing that struck me early on was that my generation was taught to reframe negatives as positives because it’s better for your mental health. But Townsend suggests that if we don’t allow ourselves to identify negative things in our lives then we don’t have anything to change. You have to identify a problem before you can fix it so calling it something else prevents you from making changes.
He offers a number of mantras throughout the book—first person declarations of principles to live by and the reasons the Hard Way is better.
Townsend’s explanation for getting unstuck (which is how I’ve felt for years) set me into immediate action: “Your Next Hard Thing (NHT) is the choice you need to make that will get you past the difficulty.” Instead of the overwhelm of too many things that seem too big or out of control, he suggests taking one small step each day. As you chip away at that big problem, it won’t be so big and eventually, you’ll overcome your obstacles.
He also explained that “Doing stuff that doesn’t seem productive is an improvement over not doing anything except the same thing you’ve always done.” *Headslap* Well, of course! I feel stuck because I’m approaching things the same way I always have (which includes a lot of avoidance) so doing something different is an improvement, even if it seems unproductive at the moment. That is helpful to me in changing my habits and how I look at them.
I hate to be dramatic, but this is potentially a life-changing book for me. If you or anyone you know seems stuck in life, The Entitlement Cure would be a worthwhile read. Townsend also spends a lot of time addressing loved ones in how they can help others who are living with “the entitlement disease.” (BTW, that’s the one thing I took exception to. I didn’t like him referring to it as a disease because I felt that belittles people with actual diseases or mental illness.)
Go. Buy. Read. Overcome.
This review, along with additional book quotes, first appeared on my blog, ChristyBower.com.
November 12, 2018
Empowering, challenging, and succinct, this book helped me understand the roots of entitlement and the road to healing. I picked it up to help me with some relationships, and ended up finding help for myself. Highly recommend!
January 28, 2021
5-star premise and thesis (even the subtitle is actionable enough for serious growth). The book itself can be repetitive, predictable, and disjointed in places.
He does try to maintain a back-and-forth between helping others who are entitled and recognizing our own entitlement shortcomings. He does offer helpful strategies and “next steps” along the way.
This is most helpful for those who might just be getting into his work and those like it; less so for readers who are already familiar.
He does try to maintain a back-and-forth between helping others who are entitled and recognizing our own entitlement shortcomings. He does offer helpful strategies and “next steps” along the way.
This is most helpful for those who might just be getting into his work and those like it; less so for readers who are already familiar.
August 24, 2022
one of the authors from Boundaries wrote this great & tactical book about doing hard things and fighting against the shortcut world.
i greatly enjoyed this book and definitely recommend it to anyone who does life, in any capacity, with entitled people.
As well as those who can acknowledge their own entitlement at times.
“at the end of the day it begins with grace.”
i greatly enjoyed this book and definitely recommend it to anyone who does life, in any capacity, with entitled people.
As well as those who can acknowledge their own entitlement at times.
“at the end of the day it begins with grace.”
May 30, 2017
Very insightful into understanding our culture of entitlement and how to counter it. Also very insightful to see the areas where I myself feel entitled and how to stop that.
March 8, 2021
Main point: You need a relationship with pain if you want to get somewhere meaningful in life.
December 7, 2015
Do you feel this generation is entitled? It might be best to consider everyone to a certain degree has entitlement toward something, and Dr. Townsend goes into detail about this in the book. He tends to divide the mindset in 2 ways: the I'm entitled way aka the "easy" way, and the "hard" way. Throughout the book he defines and shows the hard way to doing things. To give you an idea what Dr. Townsend means by entitlement, he writes, "Entitlement is the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment."
Overall, a few chapters really spoke to me. One of those chapters talked about changing "I deserve" to "I am responsible." While I am not sure how often I think or act as if I deserve something, I do know how often I don't take initiative for responsibility.
The things I would have liked to see was research backing up his statements. Dr Cloud and Dr. Townsend write excellent, helpful books but they always tend to lack the research their ideas are coming from. His last chapter on risk-taking was a little rushed too.
If you truly want to get rid of entitlement in your own life, or if you truly love someone that's entitled and want to help them, then this book is worth a look.
Overall, a few chapters really spoke to me. One of those chapters talked about changing "I deserve" to "I am responsible." While I am not sure how often I think or act as if I deserve something, I do know how often I don't take initiative for responsibility.
The things I would have liked to see was research backing up his statements. Dr Cloud and Dr. Townsend write excellent, helpful books but they always tend to lack the research their ideas are coming from. His last chapter on risk-taking was a little rushed too.
If you truly want to get rid of entitlement in your own life, or if you truly love someone that's entitled and want to help them, then this book is worth a look.
October 23, 2024
Really helpful!
“Don’t expect people to grade you on your INTENTIONS, instead of your behavior”
Are you an (emotionally) dependable person? Do you expect others to “assume the best” about you? DON’T
Entitlement is connected to confidence. Godly confidence diminishes entitlement.
Get rid of YOLO (you only live once) thinking and ground-hog thinking.
Very insightful examples to help gain perspective on dealing with an entitled person in your life, and recognizing the tendency towards entitlement WE ALL HAVE.
“Don’t expect people to grade you on your INTENTIONS, instead of your behavior”
Are you an (emotionally) dependable person? Do you expect others to “assume the best” about you? DON’T
Entitlement is connected to confidence. Godly confidence diminishes entitlement.
Get rid of YOLO (you only live once) thinking and ground-hog thinking.
Very insightful examples to help gain perspective on dealing with an entitled person in your life, and recognizing the tendency towards entitlement WE ALL HAVE.
March 22, 2021
Good read for anyone. He references the bible a lot, but don't let that stop you if you're not religious.
May 21, 2023
The disease of entitlement, says Dr. Townsend, has a cure. He describes entitlement as “the belief that I am exempt from responsibility and I am owed special treatment” (p. 19). Although this phenomenon can be present in many forms, he states that the entitled person will have at least one of the following characteristics” 1) an attitude of being special, 2) an attitude of being owed, of deserving something, 3) a refusal to accept responsibility, and 4) a denial of one’s impact on others.
This practical book is rich with examples from Townsend’s experience in counseling and consulting. Reviewing the challenges of living or working with the entitled person, he suggests we all have a degree of this mindset, something he calls “pocket entitlement,” a part of the human condition. Addressing this issue in ourselves and others is what he terms “the Hard Way,” he makes the case throughout the book that this is God’s way of developing healthy relationships and growing in grace and truth. Ever the proponent of the power and importance of relationships, he introduces 5 Hard Way principles to guide the book: 1) Humility and Dependence - We are Completely Dependent on God, 2) Connectedness - We are Designed to Live in Connectedness with Each Other, 3) Ownership - We Have to Take Responsibility for Our Own Choices, 4) Accepting the Negative - Your Flaws Can’t be Forgiven and Healed Until You Admit Them, and 5) Finding Our Role - To Live Long and Contentedly, Find Your Purpose in Life and Fulfill It.
Consistently providing contrasting statements from both Entitlement and Hard Way mindsets, many of the chapters close with the introduction of key skills for the chapter topic, accompanied by challenging questions to guide application of the content. Chapters include helping others stuck in entitlement, motivation, discipline and structure, creating a self-image that actually helps you, doing hard things first, communication and commitments, respecting the future, saying “I was wrong,” facing pain that gets you somewhere, and taking risks.
Dr. Townsend consistently offers biblical texts to support his themes, although at times I found the use of some verses stretched a bit beyond the context. I did note some times where I challenged his statements (for example, he suggested that the Fall in Genesis 3 was not God’s Plan A - I suspect this was not his intent; he was showing the power of regret to drive improvement). Even so, this book provides great guidelines in addressing this ubiquitous phenomenon, and the stories he shares from individuals, families, corporate executives, and companies drive home the power of his substantial insights and recommendations.
He also closes the book with heartfelt and God-honoring words as the individual acknowledges the impact of entitlement in one’s life. When this happens, this individual is “ready for God’s Hard Way - the path that says we are all failures, that we all have to admit those failures and take responsibility for them. And then, having faced the intolerable, we come face to face with grace. The grace of God is the only way to accept ourselves, to learn humility, to take responsibility to make the necessary changes in our lives, and to become the individuals God designed you and me to be” (p. 273).
This practical book is rich with examples from Townsend’s experience in counseling and consulting. Reviewing the challenges of living or working with the entitled person, he suggests we all have a degree of this mindset, something he calls “pocket entitlement,” a part of the human condition. Addressing this issue in ourselves and others is what he terms “the Hard Way,” he makes the case throughout the book that this is God’s way of developing healthy relationships and growing in grace and truth. Ever the proponent of the power and importance of relationships, he introduces 5 Hard Way principles to guide the book: 1) Humility and Dependence - We are Completely Dependent on God, 2) Connectedness - We are Designed to Live in Connectedness with Each Other, 3) Ownership - We Have to Take Responsibility for Our Own Choices, 4) Accepting the Negative - Your Flaws Can’t be Forgiven and Healed Until You Admit Them, and 5) Finding Our Role - To Live Long and Contentedly, Find Your Purpose in Life and Fulfill It.
Consistently providing contrasting statements from both Entitlement and Hard Way mindsets, many of the chapters close with the introduction of key skills for the chapter topic, accompanied by challenging questions to guide application of the content. Chapters include helping others stuck in entitlement, motivation, discipline and structure, creating a self-image that actually helps you, doing hard things first, communication and commitments, respecting the future, saying “I was wrong,” facing pain that gets you somewhere, and taking risks.
Dr. Townsend consistently offers biblical texts to support his themes, although at times I found the use of some verses stretched a bit beyond the context. I did note some times where I challenged his statements (for example, he suggested that the Fall in Genesis 3 was not God’s Plan A - I suspect this was not his intent; he was showing the power of regret to drive improvement). Even so, this book provides great guidelines in addressing this ubiquitous phenomenon, and the stories he shares from individuals, families, corporate executives, and companies drive home the power of his substantial insights and recommendations.
He also closes the book with heartfelt and God-honoring words as the individual acknowledges the impact of entitlement in one’s life. When this happens, this individual is “ready for God’s Hard Way - the path that says we are all failures, that we all have to admit those failures and take responsibility for them. And then, having faced the intolerable, we come face to face with grace. The grace of God is the only way to accept ourselves, to learn humility, to take responsibility to make the necessary changes in our lives, and to become the individuals God designed you and me to be” (p. 273).
June 30, 2017
At the beginning of this book, I was excited to see what the author says about people with entitlement habits. It reminded me very directly of some over the top individuals that I see on television and in my personal life as well as helped me examine certain attitudes that I have had. Worth noting, this book is written in a deliberate Christian context, so if the reader is unwilling to examine the problem with scripture thrown in there, they'll probably be disinterested in the book.
First, he starts with some stories that people might be able to relate to. He then gives a reference guide to how everyone has different entitlements on the basis of what they believe they deserve. He then proposes the "Hard way" of doing things because it prevents an entitlement based personality where one would say "I am above doing this". He then uses the rest of the book to examine some of the ways to address it.
Unfortunately, the book is very generalized as far as how to address it assumingly to reach a broader audience. That said, I feel like it's overly broad and fails to build a defined structure in course of action that helps an entitled individual relate to why they should even care about not being the embodiment of human waste. Townsend's way of addressing this is: 1)just keep working at it because it takes time and 2)if they choose not to change, it's their decision.
That's all fine an dandy, but that just leads me to believe that this book is designed more to address and self-examine pocket entitlements rather than helping others. Honestly, I feel like those entitled individuals are still better off being addressed by mental health professionals than by the average joe that read a brief book on the topic.
First, he starts with some stories that people might be able to relate to. He then gives a reference guide to how everyone has different entitlements on the basis of what they believe they deserve. He then proposes the "Hard way" of doing things because it prevents an entitlement based personality where one would say "I am above doing this". He then uses the rest of the book to examine some of the ways to address it.
Unfortunately, the book is very generalized as far as how to address it assumingly to reach a broader audience. That said, I feel like it's overly broad and fails to build a defined structure in course of action that helps an entitled individual relate to why they should even care about not being the embodiment of human waste. Townsend's way of addressing this is: 1)just keep working at it because it takes time and 2)if they choose not to change, it's their decision.
That's all fine an dandy, but that just leads me to believe that this book is designed more to address and self-examine pocket entitlements rather than helping others. Honestly, I feel like those entitled individuals are still better off being addressed by mental health professionals than by the average joe that read a brief book on the topic.
March 24, 2019
Townsend, a psychologists, walks readers through how to help others who are entitled and help themselves through areas where they are entitled, to choose the better way, the hard way for longterm benefits. He gives step-by-step advice on how to work through various symptoms of entitlement, how to get into healthier habits, how to walk with others in a way that supports instead of enables, and how to keep up healthy habits.
Life is never going to be easy, even though we may prefer that. So this is an extremely helpful and practical book for anyone. I like that Townsend shares that no one is immune to entitlement, so the point of the book is not just figuring out how to help that person in your life, along the way, Townsend will inevitably bring up something that all readers need to work through or improve in their own lives. He even shares some things he had to work through in his own life. He shares advice on everything from how to deal with kids who won't move out of the house in their 20s to top CEOs whose companies suffer from entitlement issues to those who can't make it through a diet successfully. All boil down to an issue of thinking life should be easy, thinking the rest of the world owes you, or that the best path is to avoid all anxiety. All of those will lead to disaster in the long run. He breaks his advice into manageable and doable steps. Shares practical advice as to how to keep things up. And shares interesting anecdotes along the way from people he's worked with over the years. It is very readable and helpful. Townsend is a Christian so he works in some biblical principals along the way, but you do not have to be a Christian to get helpful tidbits out of this book. Highly recommended to anyone.
Life is never going to be easy, even though we may prefer that. So this is an extremely helpful and practical book for anyone. I like that Townsend shares that no one is immune to entitlement, so the point of the book is not just figuring out how to help that person in your life, along the way, Townsend will inevitably bring up something that all readers need to work through or improve in their own lives. He even shares some things he had to work through in his own life. He shares advice on everything from how to deal with kids who won't move out of the house in their 20s to top CEOs whose companies suffer from entitlement issues to those who can't make it through a diet successfully. All boil down to an issue of thinking life should be easy, thinking the rest of the world owes you, or that the best path is to avoid all anxiety. All of those will lead to disaster in the long run. He breaks his advice into manageable and doable steps. Shares practical advice as to how to keep things up. And shares interesting anecdotes along the way from people he's worked with over the years. It is very readable and helpful. Townsend is a Christian so he works in some biblical principals along the way, but you do not have to be a Christian to get helpful tidbits out of this book. Highly recommended to anyone.
December 22, 2019
More religious admonishment
“Entitlement is the person who is capable of taking care of himself but still expects others to do that for him.” (p. 19-20.)
Townsend’s book would have been 100% better had he knocked off the biblical stuff. He sounded like recycled Billy Graham columns.
Probably seven major religious groups exist on this earth and merely because they do not praise Townsend’s religious precepts does not mean these participants cannot live sound ethical lives.
At least, the author allowed that subculture status does matter and, of course, we need to take responsibilities for our own decisions.
However, the “entitlement society” was completely ignored. Those from that society who raise above their station, so to speak, leave everything and everyone behind. Unless society provides real opportunities for its citizens, upward change is, at best, difficult. More than a few bible verses…
In education, regardless what we are told, success is still usually based upon where the child comes from.
This book appears to be written more for middle class knuckleheads who no longer wish to be knuckleheads.
Perhaps an admonishment to do the best that you can with what you have might have been more succinct and used less ink.
“Entitlement is the person who is capable of taking care of himself but still expects others to do that for him.” (p. 19-20.)
Townsend’s book would have been 100% better had he knocked off the biblical stuff. He sounded like recycled Billy Graham columns.
Probably seven major religious groups exist on this earth and merely because they do not praise Townsend’s religious precepts does not mean these participants cannot live sound ethical lives.
At least, the author allowed that subculture status does matter and, of course, we need to take responsibilities for our own decisions.
However, the “entitlement society” was completely ignored. Those from that society who raise above their station, so to speak, leave everything and everyone behind. Unless society provides real opportunities for its citizens, upward change is, at best, difficult. More than a few bible verses…
In education, regardless what we are told, success is still usually based upon where the child comes from.
This book appears to be written more for middle class knuckleheads who no longer wish to be knuckleheads.
Perhaps an admonishment to do the best that you can with what you have might have been more succinct and used less ink.
December 16, 2017
I don't really dig self-help books. I read this one because it was required by my job. SOO glad! I was really amazed by what actually constitutes "entitlement". Specifically, that the ultimate way entitlement plays out in our lives is when we attempt to "play God". We are created beings and yet we constantly question the creator. "Well, if I were God I wouldn't do it like xyz." This book is a lesson in humility and empowerment at the same time. Because when we are humble enough to accept what is out of our control, it gives us strength and energy for the things we can. Namely, ourselves. I went into this book thinking how it would help entitled Millennials and realized that my Depression-Era in laws (no they do not follow me on this site!) are actually entitled as well. Because anyone who thinks they can do things all by themselves and their way is the ONLY way is not only completely wrong but, yes, ENTITLED! So if you know or have relationship with or actually are a HUMAN then you should read this book. But I say READ, because I listened to the audio and it was pretty awful (read by the author no less). Hence the 4 stars.
September 7, 2017
I found this searching for "self help audio books" that were "available now". When I saw the title I was like "Ya! That's what I need!" because I was being whiny about school and I thought this would stop me from being so whiny.
Unfortunately it's more about OTHER people than yourself. This is a good book for people who struggle with OTHER entitled individuals in their lives. Like, if you have an entitled kid or friend, this gives you ideas to deal with them.
It did also contain SELF help advice but it was about 70/30 split, with the majority outward facing.
Overall, it was ok. I didn't hate it. But there are other books that do the subject so much better and with much more inward focus.
ETA: I should mention that his description of the "entitlement" attitude in others was SO SPOT ON, my chin dropped and I had to stop listening for a while to absorb it. He really hits it perfectly in the first chapter. It was astounding to hear him put into words this phenomenon that I had only vaguely observed.
Unfortunately it's more about OTHER people than yourself. This is a good book for people who struggle with OTHER entitled individuals in their lives. Like, if you have an entitled kid or friend, this gives you ideas to deal with them.
It did also contain SELF help advice but it was about 70/30 split, with the majority outward facing.
Overall, it was ok. I didn't hate it. But there are other books that do the subject so much better and with much more inward focus.
ETA: I should mention that his description of the "entitlement" attitude in others was SO SPOT ON, my chin dropped and I had to stop listening for a while to absorb it. He really hits it perfectly in the first chapter. It was astounding to hear him put into words this phenomenon that I had only vaguely observed.
February 4, 2025
I always learn so much from Dr. John Townsend. Lots of practical steps and great questions to ask yourself to check in on where you’re going. I always love his professional perspective collaborated with scripture. The stories he writes always connects with the examples and I like hearing the real life examples. I would read this book again.
The chapter on people sticking to your commitments was a good one. I wish more people read this book and honored the commitments that they make with people.
Townsend always has a fearless integrity to be straightforward and bluntly honest and it really inspires me to be more like that when I read his books. I think it’s easy to be afraid of confrontation and the whole truth behind setting boundaries with people, but hearing the stories he tells reminds me to have the courage to do the same. I’m not there fully, but I have remembered this fearlessness and these stories have given me courage to press into hard things to get the results that are necessary for change.
The chapter on people sticking to your commitments was a good one. I wish more people read this book and honored the commitments that they make with people.
Townsend always has a fearless integrity to be straightforward and bluntly honest and it really inspires me to be more like that when I read his books. I think it’s easy to be afraid of confrontation and the whole truth behind setting boundaries with people, but hearing the stories he tells reminds me to have the courage to do the same. I’m not there fully, but I have remembered this fearlessness and these stories have given me courage to press into hard things to get the results that are necessary for change.
June 14, 2025
Not my favorite. I don’t feel like I learned much I didn’t already know. I do struggle with entitlement and have so much room to grow in this way of thinking, as does my youngest son, and I was seeking help, but I found this (same as “Boundaries”) to just not be as helpful for someone more neurodivergent like me. It felt like it was for very practical no-nonsense type people. The tone felt…smug.
I did like the chapter on changing all the “I deserve…” thoughts that pop into my head into “I am responsible for…”. I also liked his thoughts on how this problem is true for all of us spiritually since Adam and Eve. But I would have rather read a couple of articles on those two topics than the whole book.
And I really liked Veronica’s review that said the main point: You need a relationship with pain if you want to get somewhere meaningful in life. 🎤
I did like the chapter on changing all the “I deserve…” thoughts that pop into my head into “I am responsible for…”. I also liked his thoughts on how this problem is true for all of us spiritually since Adam and Eve. But I would have rather read a couple of articles on those two topics than the whole book.
And I really liked Veronica’s review that said the main point: You need a relationship with pain if you want to get somewhere meaningful in life. 🎤
November 17, 2025
Love Dr Townsend, and so glad that he voiced his own audiobook. This book was primarily made for people dealing with an entitled person, and luckily that is not me, but I still got a lot out of it.
He’s so funny too. I laughed out loud many times.
The wisdom in here is excellent; and I am fortunate to have already learned a lot of it from Boundaries.
The “I was wrong” chapter was a masterclass and a must read.
The later chapters were great and contained practical challenges at the end of each chapter to apply the ideas.
Fantastic lecture on this book that introduced me to it (I recommend everyone watches this; it’s possibly a more effective and punchier package than the book): https://youtu.be/NWg-CyOpjos?si=-ghTr...
He’s so funny too. I laughed out loud many times.
The wisdom in here is excellent; and I am fortunate to have already learned a lot of it from Boundaries.
The “I was wrong” chapter was a masterclass and a must read.
The later chapters were great and contained practical challenges at the end of each chapter to apply the ideas.
Fantastic lecture on this book that introduced me to it (I recommend everyone watches this; it’s possibly a more effective and punchier package than the book): https://youtu.be/NWg-CyOpjos?si=-ghTr...
June 23, 2017
Dr Townsend scores another home run with this book! He addresses the issue of entitlement in our culture with his usual direct honesty that you just can't help but be convicted by and always makes you want to become a better person. This book was awesome and since (as he so clearly lays out) we ALL deal with pocket entitlement in Some area of our life, I think everyone would benefit from reading this one! It is well worth your time.
Favorite Quote: "Throughout the stages of life, whom we choose to let inside and whom we choose to keep out will impact both what we want and need out of life and how successful we are in achieving it."
Favorite Quote: "Throughout the stages of life, whom we choose to let inside and whom we choose to keep out will impact both what we want and need out of life and how successful we are in achieving it."
November 30, 2017
This is not an extremely helpful book into suggestions and techniques, however it's a nice kick in the pants for motivation and revisiting my thought processes in terms of work, relationships, financial stability, etc.
However, it is a heavily Christian book. And as WASA (White Anglo Saxon Agnostic/Atheist), I've got a black belt in entitlement and had to approach this with a more patient frame of mind, which was very helpful.
This book is about taking the HARD WAY, not is whatever is easiest or most expedience. And is good motivation in the way Dale Carnegie is--intellectually, not so deep, but inspirational in doses such as a car ride.
However, it is a heavily Christian book. And as WASA (White Anglo Saxon Agnostic/Atheist), I've got a black belt in entitlement and had to approach this with a more patient frame of mind, which was very helpful.
This book is about taking the HARD WAY, not is whatever is easiest or most expedience. And is good motivation in the way Dale Carnegie is--intellectually, not so deep, but inspirational in doses such as a car ride.
January 28, 2018
Townsend's a bit of a stiff writer and there's a bit of repetition here -- also, I understand it's for Christian audiences, but the scripture actually seems forced-in and distracting. But under it all is a much-needed book, not just for today's entitled kids but for people (sadly, like me) who just don't like doing things the hard way. Practical at helping understand what's behind our lazy behavior, with some great advice for moving forward. Not revolutionary, but a healthy look at discipline and endurance that we probably all could benefit from.
August 31, 2018
Hard words. Said by a very frank male.
Yet these are very, very needed words. So while I am saying that I don´t consider all the cases presented here as the cases of entitlement (some of them are the cases of pride/laziness/complexes and more in my books) and while from time to time I beg to differ theologically - this is the book I have had needed to read. And I think I need to think about the content continually. So much food for thought, so much challenges - yet, so much truth, encouragement, and a difficult journey that leads to peace in the soul.
Recommended read.
Yet these are very, very needed words. So while I am saying that I don´t consider all the cases presented here as the cases of entitlement (some of them are the cases of pride/laziness/complexes and more in my books) and while from time to time I beg to differ theologically - this is the book I have had needed to read. And I think I need to think about the content continually. So much food for thought, so much challenges - yet, so much truth, encouragement, and a difficult journey that leads to peace in the soul.
Recommended read.
March 11, 2019
He has a lot of wisdom in this book, but there is also a lot of "I talked them through it and they are doing much better now." I understand that he cannot include a transcript of therapy sessions, but it left me feeling like I was missing a lot of depth.
This seems to be a good folow up book to his others, but I had not read them first to when he referenced back to those it again left me with a feeling of incomplete thoughts.
You will not have wasted your time in reading/listening to this book, but it could have been a little better.
This seems to be a good folow up book to his others, but I had not read them first to when he referenced back to those it again left me with a feeling of incomplete thoughts.
You will not have wasted your time in reading/listening to this book, but it could have been a little better.
March 20, 2019
People need to read this book!
The theme is not only interesting but also so real!
The author does a great job in guiding the reader into identifying entitlement in others as well as in the reader himself.
The reasons why I gave only 3 stars are:
- The authors chooses to support some of this ideas with biblical/Christian language, which is not wrong! However, I believe this language can narrow down his potential audience. As said before, I believe everyone should be reading this.
- personally, I think the author gave the gold in the first chapters. This way, the last few chapters weren’t as helpful and significant as the first ones.
The theme is not only interesting but also so real!
The author does a great job in guiding the reader into identifying entitlement in others as well as in the reader himself.
The reasons why I gave only 3 stars are:
- The authors chooses to support some of this ideas with biblical/Christian language, which is not wrong! However, I believe this language can narrow down his potential audience. As said before, I believe everyone should be reading this.
- personally, I think the author gave the gold in the first chapters. This way, the last few chapters weren’t as helpful and significant as the first ones.
February 26, 2021
Someone recommended this book to me as one that would help me as I work with young adults. While it does have a useful section about helping people overcome entitlement, I do feel that the title was a bit misleading overall. It is a helpful book for anyone who is trying to improve his or her life and willing to work hard to get there. Bottom line: do hard things, even if you have to do them the hard way. Not only will you accomplish more, but the journey itself will reap great benefits in your character and relationships.
June 29, 2021
It’s not the most significant book about our society in the west but it hits the target in its categorisation of entitled. I kept seeing others as needing this and finally it hit me. It is I who needs this reflection. For that I’m grateful.
One line near the end spoke to me deeply. “Attempting to be good enough for God yields more hope than demanding to be God”. He is not commending law but showing that it is even better than entitlement.
It’s a decent book and easy to read. Full of stories that highlight his points.
One line near the end spoke to me deeply. “Attempting to be good enough for God yields more hope than demanding to be God”. He is not commending law but showing that it is even better than entitlement.
It’s a decent book and easy to read. Full of stories that highlight his points.
February 12, 2018
This was one of the best books I have read in a while. This book is a great reminder of how approaching life knowing it isn’t easy and shouldn’t be easy makes the every day struggles more manageable. This book will give you skills to work on at the end of each chapter and will help you find ways to help yourself and also be a better member of your life team. The book also directs you to scripture. Highly recommend!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews