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304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 13, 2026
To anyone overrun with solitariness, carried away by melancholy thoughts, unable to sleep even after taking five melatonin, I can prescribe no better remedy than a row-and-column spreadsheet program, provided you’re adept at the higher functions. Crunching numbers, organizing lists, creating a pivot table—nothing is more soothing to a troubled mind. Because I had a sizable backlog of work at Cultured Cow and no chance of falling asleep, I opened Excel and slowly, methodically, picked my way through the cells.
“Everyone calls a boisterous yellow Lab a family dog,” I said. “But when a black dog bounces or slobbers or barks, people shrink back like he’s Cerberus at the gates of hell. Have you ever noticed that?” Colorism was not a familiar concept to them.