From Anger to Intimacy: How Forgiveness Can Transform Your Marriage

by Gary Smalley, Ted Cunningham

All couples deal with anger. How they respond to it makes all the difference in their relationships and their lives. In "From Anger to Intimacy," couples learn how to:
- resolve conflict, hurt, and pain in a healthy way
- overcome feelings of anger, frustration, and rage
- learn how to forgive and nurture a forgiving spirit
- craft the perfect apology
- break sexual addiction and heal after an affair
- and much more
This book is now available in trade paper.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Nonfiction, Relationships, Religion, Christianity, Emotion

288 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2008

About the author

Gary Smalley was one of the country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He was the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Silver Medallions. His national infomercial Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships has been viewed by television audiences all over the world.

Dr. Greg Smalley graduated with his doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Rosemead School of Psychology at Biola University in Southern California. He also holds master's degrees in counseling psychology (Denver Seminary) and clinical psychology (Rosemead). Dr. Smalley is the director of research and development at Smalley Relationship Center in Branson, Missouri. He lives in Ozark, Missouri with his wife, Erin, and their two daughters, Taylor and Madalyn.

Reviews

[Amelia McCall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that was exactly what I needed exactly when I needed it. I’m planning to read it again, slower this time and go through the study guide.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Smalley focuses on anger from multiple sources, not just from the marriage relationship. He discusses how anger stems from many sources but has a drastic effect on you, your attitude and heart, and the closest human relationship you have - the one with your spouse. Smalley provides relatable anecdotes and scenarios, describing real (but not absolute) steps to take to come to a place of forgiveness. There is no formula, but it is about an emotional, spiritual, and sometimes physical shift in your way of living. This book was very timely for me as I deal with resentment during wedding planning, and growing in specific ways before my fiance and I share our wedding vows.

[Ruth Fokkema · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be read by anyone who has ever felt anger in their life. Throughout the entire book, I didn’t feel like it was just teaching me about how to strengthen my marriage, it most definitely was teaching me how to strengthen all of my relationships in life. Have you ever felt so angry with someone that instead of doing anything to resolve the conflict, you decided to completely cut them out of your life instead? I think most of us have done this and more and more of us make it a bigger habit these days with things like “ghosting” being a regular accomplishment. Read this book and heed its messages!

[Monte Hickingbottom · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book deals with the core issue all men face…no not lust, but anger. Technically, this book is a marriage book, but so much more. It teaches us how to deal with all relationships in life. I’ve never considered myself to be a person who struggles with anger, but I’ve found subtle clues lurking just beneath the surface that indicate its presence is there. I’m thankful for this God-inspired book and believe it’s principles can help many men in today’s culture.

[Lynn Lohr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forgiveness transformational book

I have struggled with the difference between forgiving others and experiencing the hurt and the time it takes to get over that. This book really did help me understand those differences. I don’t think I ever realized that forgiving is a command God gives us. And there’s fruits of that that are really wonderful

[Matt Rose · Rating 1 out of 5]

Vapid. I found this book on some blog listing great books for Christian men to read. It’s a book of lists: 5 steps, 9 hurdles...Not very substantive. Dallas Willard’s Divine Conspiracy profoundly treats anger, etc. via a rich study on the Sermon on the Mount - a much better use of time if you’re looking for something to guide spiritual formation.

[Monica]

Great book. This helps couples understand how to respond to a spouse that reacts differently than you to hurt, crisis and anger. Some fight and others take flight. Gary Smalley uses the truth of God's word to help you understand how to rid your marriage of anger and return to intimacy.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

A biblical practical talk of how to identify anger in your own life and let it go in relationships . it has examples and real people's questions where they use the principle that was talked on to guide them through the next steps

[Kristine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took notes on this book as I listened. I truly believe this will help me in so many of my relationships, not just my husband and myself.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for any relationship, not just marriage.

[Emesdhan Morakinyo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome and impactful.

[christy lapeyrouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book for couples going thru somethings.

[Tim Wester · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good summary

[Tiffany Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

We purchased many books from Ted Cunningham at a marriage conference and this one of them. Such a great one, helpful for all relationships in my life. A great lesson on forgiveness and love.

[Will Robinson Jr. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you consider what Gary Smalley is suggesting in this book I feel it could be tramsformative not just for your marriage but for yourself. This book came to me at a right time in my life. Smalley does an excellent job here of not just explaining the way anger builds up but also how we hold on to resentment. Using examples and also including Bible references Gary guides the reader through the process of coming to grips with the triggers of what causes our anger and a step by step process of how we can escape its grip. The chapters on forgiveness especially hit hard as I really alwys deep down didn't really what forgiveness means for the Christian and also why we need to forget the wrongs that happen to us. This is not an easy task or process but Smalley reminds us about what Jesus Christ has done for us and why we need to place our wounds & burdens on Christ. The real life examples that Gary covers in the book are all to familiar. But here is the catch, this book can only work for those who are serious about moving from anger to intimacy in there relationships. This book does not guarantee that you are able to save a marriage completely. Marriage is a relationship in which both people have to choose daily to stay together. But I feel that the characteristics of good biblical base anger management is and dealing with resentment are still important for us as individuals. There is so much to unpack in this book. It is well worth a read. And those looking to improve the intimacy in their marriage will consider picking this book up.

[Chickadee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Gary Smalley, best selling author and the founder and president of the Smalley Relationship Center, suggests that you have three options when anger rears its head:


1) Stuff it
2) Spew it
3) Study it


Dr. Smalley co-authors his latest book with Pastor Ted Cunningham as they combine their years of experience in counseling to help teach readers the skills of conflict resolution. They each share some very personal experiences with anger and I appreciated their honesty in revealing various conflicts and how they overcame them.

Though the book was written with married couples in mind, I found it interesting (and helpful) that most of the communication skills they teach, are applicable in all areas of life.

One good example of this is learning to recognize and identify your personal "buttons". Once you've pin pointed your "hot button" areas, they share two main questions that you should ask when confronted with the temptation to get angry:

Question 1: What am I angry about?
Question 2: What am I going to do with my anger?

Using their approach of working through anger and frustration, you can apply this to not only your marriage, but friendships, family relationships and struggles with co-workers. This book offers a quiz to help you identify how you typically handle your anger, as well as a "forgiveness inventory" in which you find out how quick (or slow) you are to forgive.

The questions throughout the book offer some good starters for self examination, and for those who truly want to change, the book offers suggestions on how to start making headway.

One of my favorite chapters was the last one, Chapter 12, entitled "Answers to the Biggies". In this chapter the authors tackle some of the biggest questions frequently asked about anger and forgiveness in marriage and relationships.

If you have ever wondered "must I forgive someone who feels they have done nothing wrong?", this chapter is for you! Also included at the end of the book are meditations for forgiveness - memorizing and speaking these scriptures will help you cultivate a forgiving spirit in your everyday life.

[Abbie Riddle · Rating 5 out of 5]

see my blogspot for a review
Churches, small group leaders, Family Ministers - this one is worth the $99.00 price tag. I must say hats off to Gospel Light for producing a cost effective, all-inclusive kit! This one has the Leaders Guide, Hardcover book, DVD and not one but SIX study guides! This is a deal that absolutely can not be beat anywhere. Most kits do not include the six study guides or a hardcover book and cost over $100.00.

Look past the title - do not let pride mislead you - this is a must read - we ALL of buttons that can be pushed! This book is highly convicting to those seeking Christ's direction and sharpening in their lives. It exposes the very sin nature of acting on unrighteous anger - and all of us do it - is is our fleshly first instinct and must be brought under control of the Holy Spirit. I have quickly become a fan of these two authors and now own many of their most recent works thanks to being able to review them for the publisher. This one is no less impressive than the first - I have already handed it out to others I know.

In addition to this incredibly insightful book this kit comes with the equally great study guides. These challenge couples to take a close look at their individual issues with anger. I know some people think they don't have any anger issues - after all you don't blow up and throw a screaming tantrum or throw stuff across the room - that's an anger problem isn't it? But what about pouting, or running away from the issue. We all have buttons that get pushed, secret insecurities, hidden hurts. This study guide and DVD explores these issues and challenges couples to face these things and overcome them - leading to a more fulfilling marriage!

Thank you Gospel Light for this review copy!

[Edie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I wandered through Lifeway bookstore I felt prompted by the Spirit to look into this book. The title intrigued me, but I didn't think it applied to me. As always it was a book I needed to read. I liked Smalley & Cunningham's tag team approach. It included, at the end of each chapter, questions from attendees of their conferences. I found these informative. Overall it was a good, practical book really causing me to truly evaluate my marriage and personal responsibility. My husband read it at the same time, and we shared our thoughts, also practical steps we could take. I would recommend it to any couple whether married short time or long. I think we all have baggage we bring to a relationship, triggering conflicts and hurts.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as a first read. It's a must read for all Christians. The chapters on forgiveness were especially good. The book addresses all the excuses people use to not forgive or to hang on to bitterness and resentment. It reminds us of relevant Bible passages on forgiveness. This book opened my eyes to how bad a Christian I've been and has inspired me to try harder especially in the arena of forgiveness. The book has good discussions on dealing with anger, learning to listen, learning to let go of past hurts, and building stronger relationships not only with those around you but with God.

[Christopher Lewis Kozoriz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have a spirit of forgiveness ~ Gary Smalley

I listened to this audio book driving to and from work. It speaks on the buttons that push anger in our lives.

One of the practical things that I learned from this book is that we can learn how to control our anger by analyzing why we are getting angry. This really works. I was getting angry while I was driving and I analyzed that I was getting angry because people were not signaling when they were changing lanes or turning. Once I analyzed this, it defused the anger within me.

[Jami · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was blessed to receive a copy of this book! It really was a life saver in helping open my eyes to transformations in my marriage. Even in areas i thought was fine wasn't and it helped to bring my rocky marriage to pure love and awesome intimacy! I'm so thankful to have got the chance to get a free copy from these amazing author Ted Cunningham & Gary Smalley. His book opened up areas that needed work and now are better than ever! I read it and now my husband is reading it also! Thanks so much! <3

[Whitney Ostrander · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend of mine let me read her copy and I love loveee loveeee this book. It is such a good help for those who find it hard to forgive their spouse/family/friend or who have problems with their anger. This is a must read book and I will be going to buy it soon so I can have my own copy.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book on forgiveness, even if you don't need to transform your marriage, you could learn a ton from this book. Simple steps and easy to understand and grasp concepts.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Never finished this book

[Gary M.]

Not a lot of new ground broken here but there are some basic tenets of forgiveness that may prove helpful in marriage or other relationships.

[Paula Schumm · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm sure this book may be helpful to those with anger or forgiveness issues. Lots of scripture, helpful tips.

[Charly Di leo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excelente libro!

[Samantha Gunning]

I won this book via Goodreads Firstread Giveaway.