The Other A in LGBTQIA+: An Introduction to the Aromantic Community, in Our Own Words

by Aurea

Do you ever feel alienated by the way society presents love? Maybe you find the idea of romantic relationships off-putting, or maybe it's just 'not your thing'. Sound familiar? Aromanticism is a spectrum of identities where people have little to no interest in romance, or only feel attraction under certain circumstances.

This essential book weaves together insights and perspectives from aromantic people across the world, sharing their stories of self-discovery and community. Chapters explore how aromanticism interacts with mental health, dealing with stigma or dismissive attitudes, intersection with different cultural expectations, and more.

Whether you're new to an aromantic identity, have been part of the community for years, or just want to know more, this book will help you understand what aromanticism is and what it means for you.

Genres: Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

Expected publication May 21, 2026

Reviews

[Marlo Bowman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGallery for the eARC!!

Everyone needs to read this book. I’ve finally succeeded in finding a book that’s not only about arospec identities, but solely that. Since discovering my experience with being aroace, I have been searching for books/media that can help me connect and understand myself more. This book opened up doors that I previously couldn’t find easily.

This book goes through all the motions. There is discussion about what being aro is, the amounts of labels/micro-labels, how to support both as an ally and within the identity, many resources to check out, personal narratives, and so so much more.

I would say that about 50% of this book I had previously knew/partially understood what we being discussed. But that other 50% was sincerely amazing to read and have access to.

This is definitely a book to pick up when learning more about the A+ identities, and please, please support that work that AUREA does!

[Anna Makowska · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the blurb fairly misleading, it states "this book will help you understand what aromanticism is", but in most examples I feel that it focused on discrimination against single (unmarried) people. It's a fair point that the society both pressures people to conform to expectations of marrying and having children, and discriminates against people who don't conform to those expectations. But that doesn't help me understand what aromanticism is!

Having children or not is totally unrelated. We live in a society where people can be single parents or co-parent without being in a romantic relationship.

Being married is related, but not really the same. Half the marriages end in divorce. People can be in loveless marriages, from arranged ones to even abusive ones. It happens. There are also people in romantic relationship who never marry. Some even don't cohabit, aka "live apart together" scenarios or long-distance relationships.

What does it even mean a "romantic partner"? Does it mean a monogamous/exclusive relationship? That would exclude polyamorous people. Does it mean committed till-death-does-us-apart relationship? Again, vast majority of romantic relationships fall apart, there were volumes written about "serial monogamy of the human species" and all. Does it mean a long-term sexual relationship? "Friends with benefits" is a long-term sexual relationship that's nonetheless not romantic. And asexual but not aromantic people might have romantic relationships that aren't sexual in nature. Does it mean the kind of person you prioritize in case of emergency? That's just something everyone needs to decide for themselves, it's just easier to default to a spouse here because of how society is organized.

And yes, it's important to notice that people who lack that kind of "committed partner" (whether married or unmarried) will need to go an extra mile to ensure they have support network especially if they have medical conditions or disabilities, because they don't have a "default person" to help them. Even though again, there's plenty of statistics how often partners and spouses abandon a person who developed a serious illness or disability, so can you really count on romantic feelings to give you a safety net...

So, um, I didn't really learn much except that if you're not married, and especially if you don't have a spouse-like-partner (called here "non-partnered"), you'll be discriminated. But seriously, being single isn't the same as being aromantic, isn't it?

We still didn't define here what is romantic attraction or romantic relationship...

There's like, a mention in passing here and there about "crushes" (fairly little) and "dating culture" (actually, nothing at all). As a person who happens to be married but abhors "dating culture" I did want to learn more is this related to the alloromantic-aromantic spectrum, or is it just a bunch of silly cultural norms, or is it more wrapped in comphet and traditional cisheteronormative gender roles... But I learned nothing.

Oh, I learned a parade of microlabels, including probably 5+ different ones for people who don't understand romantic attraction, can't discern it, or due to their autism / neurodivergence "don't get it". Maybe we don't get it because nobody explains it! Neurodivergent people often express the need for clear, logical instructions before they can proceed and can't operate with the "you'll know it when you feel it" paradigm.

There were a few interesting tidbits here, namely:

Page 56-58 explains QPR (queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationship), which is an interesting concept, even though I'm unsure what differentiates it from a romantic relationship. It provides 4 examples, explaining how it can be sexual or not, or exclusive or open/polyamorous. I used to think QPR is a non-sexual kind of relationship because I first encountered the term in asexual spaces, but apparently it doesn't have to be.

"I honestly can't find a better word to describe us in English than soulmates, because of how in sync we are. (...) This is the first time I've ever had romantic feelings, so for me a QPR doesn't have all the perceived gender roles a traditional relationship might, and therefore gives me less anxiety." (p. 58)

But the question arises to me (who relates very much to the experiences above), if romantic feelings are involved, how is it not a romantic relationship? The person can be aro-spec for example demi-romantic or grey-romantic, but what is the distinction between a romantic and queerplatonic relationship if there are romantic feelings and "soulmates" involved? Real question, because it took me decades of my life to realize I don't hate "romance", I hate gender roles, and romance in the society and culture is very intertwined with gender roles, but does it have to be? Is it only "romantic" if we perform comphet and feminity/masculinity?

There's a similar sentiment expressed on page 155:

"Yet, my decision to be non-partnering changed when I unexpectedly met someone who was attracted to me and willing to respect my boundaries."

Seriously, this is a bare minimum!!! Of course you should rather be single than in an abusive relationship where your boundaries are being violated.

Yes, our culture teaches people, especially women and minorities, that they should prioritize relationships over their own well-being, but this is considered unhealthy by psychologists. Being "desperate" to be in a relationship is equally unhealthy as being scared of them (which is different from being disinterested).

Yes, if you're from a marginalized group, you might have internalized the belief it's very hard to find someone ready to accept you as you are and respect your boundaries. I surely believed that! I believed that only if you "fit in" and are "normal" you can be accepted and loved. This is always the propaganda of the dominant group: assimilate or perish (or at best be an outcast). Some people can "hide" their marginalization (neurodivergent masking, queer being in the closet), some cannot even if they wanted to (skin colour, visible disability), but even if they can, it causes a lot of distress, exhaustion and fear of being discovered. Ideally, we should always seek a support network and close people who would accept us and respect us, whether that's romantic or not. And it's sad so many of us were made to believe we don't deserve this or will never be able to find it.

Page 93 includes an interesting confession from a Chinese-Canadian person:

"Chinese culture is slightly more accepting of my aromanticism than Canadian culture. This is because Chinese culture's definition of love is COMPLETELY different from Western culture's definition. Chinese culture does NOT focus on attraction, romance, or affection (unlike the West). Rather, Chinese culture focuses on duty, responsibility, loyalty, and honour."

I'm neither American nor Asian, I'm European, but I do agree mainstream depictions of "romance" focus too much on attraction, lust, kissing, flashy gestures, and not enough on care, trust, commitment, etc. For example I could never relate to people who break up / divorce because "the spark wasn't there anymore". Actually, I don't even know what a spark is. What I appreciate the most in my partner is reliability and caring. That's also what I usually see in happy long term relationships. That the other person cares and you can count on them.

But if the definition of what is love is cultural and subjective, it again makes it harder to define what is even a romantic relationship. For example, is celebrating Valentine Day romantic or cultural? It's probably romantic if you grew up in a country where it was always celebrated, and cultural aka "American import" if you grew up in a country where it didn't exist until Americanization reached it.

Page 222 includes a confession:

"I want social analysis of what romance is, what aromanticism is, and what these look like under social structures and social pressures (...)"

...and I only want to emphatically agree, but sadly this aspect was lacking here.

Page 185 recommends as further reading Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity and actually I'm going to read that book next, hopefully I'll learn something that will help me clear my confusion.

So yeah, this was a mostly basic and repetitive read that muddled the ideas rather than clarified them. There were some interesting tidbits and personal confessions, and I liked the chapters explaining how race, queerness, neurodivergence, disability and other marginalizations can compound the issue.

I hesitated between 3 and 3.5 rating but I feel like I didn't learn that much and it was conflating aromanticism with being non-partnered/single by choice, and I'm unsure that's the takeaway I should have about the identity.

Thank you Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the ARC.

[Autumn Aria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley for the free read!

A comprehensive, clear and concise textbook guide to aromanticim. A good book to read if you're aro or questioning, as it explains the wide diversity within the spectrum. And even if you aren't, you might want to to expand your knowledge and understanding of aromaticism.

The other A is actually a trio of As ie Asexual, Aromantic and Agender also called the triple A.

The book provides excerpts of personal experiences from various communities, backgrounds and ethnicities. And how aromanticism intersects with the various other social constructs like race and disability. It also touches on its relation to the other queer spectrums of the LGBTQIA+ and introduces the split attraction model.

It does however go into an in depth analysis of the relationship between aromanticism and mental health - the connections, its influences and how aros relates it in their everyday lives, or how connections can be false positives due to confusion.

The book provides all the definitions and terms you'll probably need to know if you're arospec. What's mind boggling is the plethora of microlabels, which I'll probably won't remember all of it or use in my entire life, ever..

The final section talks about promoting awareness and visibility to the wider communities at large and to create understanding and tolerance. For its acceptance and integration into society in a positive and healthy way.

As a demiromantic demisexual myself, I can relate to some of the experiences in the book. Thinking back, during my high school and college days, I finally understand why almost all my friendships were intimate platonic (men and women inclusive). The thought of being romantically or sexually attracted never even crossed my mind. I remember how people called me naïve, childish, thick headed, a nice/shy girl or a prude! Though most were never said in a derogatory way, more in a playfully joking way.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great resource for anyone wanting to learn more about the aromantic spectrum. As someone who has only learned of the term fairly recently, I was able to learn a great deal from reading this. I really enjoyed the flow of the book, and how the authors presented the material and different sections. I found that the way they organized everything really helped the information build up and solidify in my mind.

I also really appreciated the inclusion of excerpts of personal narratives/experiences from folx in the community. I found it very helpful to learn about the concepts/ideas, and then be presented with the excerpts of people’s lived experiences in their own words. Additionally, I appreciated the “Reflection” sections at the end of the different parts. Each Reflection section included reflection questions and prompts “for people who identify with the aromantic spectrum” and “for allies of aromantic people.” I am also happy to say that I was able to learn a lot about myself through these reflection questions/prompts.

I want to thank the authors for doing the immense amount of research and community-building that they clearly did for this book, and, ultimately, for writing and publishing it. There is not a lot of literature out there for this topic yet, so I am happy to see it.

Thank you also to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the ARC opportunity!

[August · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those reads that seems extremely niche but is actually something that should be more broadly discussed and acknowledged. Aromanticism is one of those "silent identities" that frequently gets left out of discussions of queer identity and lived experiences. This book is an attempt to bridge that gap. I found one of the more powerful parts of this book being the way it so heavily draws on the submissions and experiences of actual aro-spec individuals and communities. This allows you (the reader) to really process how many different people, from many different cultures, experience relationships and attraction instead of just being told that it exists on some general level.

This is a great resource for people who are considering their own identities, trying to understand the identities of their loved ones, or who are just trying to further their own education. There are discussion style questions at the end of every chapter both for aro-spec people and allies which allow you to engage critically with the text.

My only drawback from this book is that it is a LOT of information thrown at you all at once. If you are trying to casually or gently ease someone into queer theory or discussion this is probably not the book for you. While it is very informative, it engages heavily with intersectionality and more complex experiences and identity that might make it difficult for a layman to understand or continually engage with.

[Audrey S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actual rating: 4.5 stars
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Slowly but surely we are starting to see more and more published material focused on Aromantic and it is making my heart so happy. This book is very much a textbook introduction into the Aromantic community while also leaving space for its relationship and intersectionality to gender, race, neurodiversity, privileges, and personal stories. I also really enjoyed the reflection questions at the end - especially since they were separated into different groups of questions based on whether you were Aro, learning to be an Aro Ally, and once even a section for professionals who could be working with the Aromantic community.
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It was incredibly approachable information and discussed in clear ways that also left room for things to be challenged by personal experience. It was incredibly reassuring to read this as an Aromantic Allosexual as our side of the spectrum is usually left out in favour for the AroAce side - even if their representation is also tragically small.
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This text will give you many things to think on while also giving space for those on varying degrees of the spectrum. I would happily put this in the hands of anyone who is questioning or curious about the Aromantic community and I am very glad we have this introductory text available.
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Hisses & Kisses 🐍
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*I received an eARC from Jessica Kingsley Publishers & NetGalley. All opinions are my own.*

[Pamela · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Other A in LGBTQIA+ is a much-needed and deeply thoughtful introduction to a community that is far too often overlooked. The highlight of this collection is the personal narratives because hearing from aromantic people in their own words provides an authenticity that standard textbooks often lack. I particularly appreciated the book's strong emphasis on intersectionality, especially the section on disability. It shows how aromanticism interacts with different physical and mental health experiences rather than presenting a one-size-fits-all identity. It is a refreshing and eye-opening read that effectively deconstructs society's obsession with romance.

While the book is a landmark resource, the final section on moving forward as a community feels a bit too tethered to the specific politics of the moment. This might make it feel dated as the movement evolves in the coming years. However, this minor critique does not diminish its overall importance. As one of the few comprehensive titles dedicated specifically to the aromantic spectrum, it is an essential read. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Amélie · Rating 4 out of 5]

mix of self-help and beginner’s guide. drags at times (strongest chapters are definitely at the end) but it’s a good that things like this exist and more importantly get published.

if you’re already well-versed in a-spec identities, i’d suggest skimming the theory to focus on the experiences shared by other members of the community. there were two short essays related to amatonormativity (a term i hadn’t even even known about before reading which says enough) that really struck me.

in one of them, someone mentioned being aware of the fact that they didn’t want to get married from a young age, and how they didn’t feel guilty about that at the time. i think this is a sentiment shared by other queer people and is an excellent example of how societal expectations get to you from a certain age when they shouldn’t! the other discusses how very western and recent ideas about the ideal relationship of today are. it’s stories like these that help battle internalised struggles because they make you stop and question yourself.

(thanks to netgalley for the arc)

[Jemma K · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so so happy that this books exists. Over the last ten years or so we’ve seen a lot of emerging literature on ace voices and the asexual experience, so I’m glad to see this book really focus on aromantic voices.

It’s great that the book doesn’t assume knowledge, works both as a resource within the community and for people looking to educate themselves/support the aros in their life. To that end, i do wish it got a little deeper at times. I know that’s not the function of this text, and I’m glad it exists as a first step in this literature. But I wanna dig deeper personally (and it does give a lovely bibliography as a reference there for me).

I also appreciate how it highlighted how the internet has shaped and provided a haven for the aromantic community specifically, as it was a term coined online and that’s risen to recognition in the last 25 years or so, its history looks very different and much more digital than other LGBTIA groups.

I don’t usually review nonfiction, but a solid 4/5 from me! Thanks to NetGalley for the eARC.

[Alex Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

The aromantic identity spectrum feels still fairly unknown to the public, so I'm glad there's been more resources appearing on the market exploring what does it mean to different people to be aromantic and how does it affect their lives. We live in a culture where romance is pervasive and put on a pedestal, so people who don't share that point of view are often discriminated, dismissed, vilified or pathologized.

This book will help both people on the aromantic spectrum and people who want to be allies and understand the phenomenon become more educated and accepting. There's a wealth of information both from the experts and from the members of the aromantic community sharing their experiences and perspectives.

A very informative title about a subject that desperately needs dispelling some myths. Highly recommend.

[Trinity]

It's always exciting to see new nonfiction resources on aromanticism, as for a while it's been lumped up with asexuality in publications.

Maybe it's because I've read my fair share of research on the topic, but it didn't go as thoroughly or as complex as I'd wanted it to explore even despite the many, many pages of theory. My favorite parts ended up being all the anecdotes which made me feel seen and the final section of the text which made me feel quite hopeful.

Despite this, I'd still highly recommend the book to anyone exploring their sexuality or learning more about the community. It's organized, packed, and intersectional, which is all you want with nonfiction these days. Also, it is incredibly important for resources like this to exist and continue publishing in the future.

Thanks to Netgalley for the eARC!

[Juniper L.H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was incredibly well done. I don’t know what else to say.

This is very close to being a textbook, so don’t expect a fun story full of humor or other witty writing that will draw you in. Your reading experience is going to be directly proportional to your interest in the topic. This IS well written though. Its well organized and very thorough. There is discussion of the central topic, as well as intersectionality with several other interrelated topics such as gender and sexuality.

I wish that I had this book as a physical copy that I could hang onto, and not a digital ARC that will disappear from my phone after a time.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing a free ARC. This honest review was left voluntarily.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an extremely useful and detailed introduction to a human experience that is frequently overlooked, ignored, or actively dismissed. It provides historical context, detailed definitions, explanations and discussions, and showcases a range of voices and lived experiences. Reading this book will not only help you better understand the aromantic spectrum - it will also encourage you to think more deeply about the relational norms that underpin your society.
Thank you to NetGalley for the eARC.

[Kai · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good introduction to aromanticism. Well researched and much needed. Aromanticism, much like asexuality, is a much broader subject than many people not deep in the community may expect, and I think this did a good job hitting all of the areas it needed to while not being too excessively lengthy for an introductory text. Well done.
(I received a free copy for review)