The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself

by Nedra Glover Tawwab

From the bestselling author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, a guide to understanding healthy dependency—to bring our relationships back into balance

I need some space.

Why are you so distant?

You want more than I can give.

Every relationship in our lives – from love and close friendship to extended family and our wider social circle – is a balancing act. If we give too much, we begin to lose ourselves. If we protect ourselves too much, we lose the closeness we all need. Getting the balance right is how we find more connection, authenticity, and joy.

The Balancing Act is a roadmap for finding that balance. With her signature blend of clarity and compassion, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab sheds light on healthy dependency, and how to achieve it. Along the way, she unpacks buzzwords and trending topics including codependency, attachment styles, inner family systems, and more – offering practical advice for recognizing our needs, navigating conflict, and finding more harmony with the important people in our lives.

Whether you’re yearning for more trust with a spouse or partner, more clarity with a best friend or sibling, or more agency in how you show up in the world, these insights will help you reevaluate, reset, and relate better.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Mental Health, Audiobook, Personal Development

252 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 10, 2026

About the author

Therapist, NYT Bestselling Author, and Relationship Expert.

Reviews

[Emily (emsalwaysreading) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book #21 of 2026!

4.5 stars rounded up

What to expect in this book:

-Self-help
-Psychology
-Relational exploration
-Interpersonal boundaries

Thoughts

Thank you so much to @prhaudio for the gifted audiobook!

Nedra can do no wrong!!! I recommend her books almost on a daily basis to my therapy clients and find her books so applicable and digestible for anyone. As a mental health therapist myself, it is helpful to have resources to point clients and friends to regarding creating healthy relationships. Nedra expands on boundaries and relationships more in The Balancing Act by discussing through her experiences and anecdotes from her own practice about the processes of relational dependency. Nedra informs readers of healthy dependency by discussing attachment theory and different types of desires for emotional closeness. I will definitely be using this in my practice.

If you love to learn more about how to be in healthy relationships, this is a wonderful resource.

[Meg Sloan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh I do love a Nedra book! As a therapist I am often recommending her books and resources to clients, as well as getting so much out of them myself. I love how she gets across different concepts so simply while also appreciating all the nuances of building healthy relationships. In the age of black-and-white social media “therapy”, it is very refreshing! Lots of takeaways from this one although I did feel there were more tangible strategies for hyper independent folks versus the hyper dependent ones. There’s plenty of case studies and example scripts that really brought the ideas to life. Everyone needs to read this book really so would definitely recommend!

[Shannon Stoddard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Nedra'a books! Listening is like a mini therapy session when you need it. I need to download all her books in audiobook format because most I've read the physical copies.

[Stephanie Filardo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtful resource for navigating relationships without losing yourself.

Each of Nedra Glover Tawwab’s books has found me at a moment when I truly needed it. Set Boundaries, Find Peace gave me the language to begin healing an inner child who was never allowed autonomy. Drama Free helped me think more intentionally about boundaries and breaking cycles during a season of deep family change.

This book arrived during a different phase of my life. As I navigate healthier romantic relationships, a new question has surfaced for me: what actually makes a relationship healthy? Not just boundaries, but balance. Not just independence, but connection.

What I appreciate most about this book is that it feels like a resource I can return to as I navigate relationships. It clearly defines concepts that are often sensationalized or misused in pop culture, and the reflections invite honesty without shame. This is not a book to binge quickly. I found myself wanting to slow down after reading too fast, because it is meant to be savored and used for reflection.

I have used Nedra’s books alongside therapy before, and this one is no different. More than anything, this book reassured my nervous system that I am not alone, and that it is okay to still be learning these things. I would especially recommend it to anyone at the beginning of their healing journey, or to those who want to better understand themselves in relationships without losing who they are.

[Nicolás Guasaquillo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Healthy relationships require finding the middle ground between two destructive extremes: giving so much of yourself that you disappear, or protecting yourself so fiercely that nobody can reach you. Our earliest experiences wire us toward one extreme or the other, but these patterns can be recognized and changed through honest self-reflection, deliberate practice, and the willingness to be vulnerable.

Ultimately, sustaining meaningful connections isn’t about grand gestures or perfect compatibility –⁠ it’s about showing up consistently, communicating your needs clearly, accepting help when it’s offered, and choosing connection over perfection even when people inevitably fall short.

[Naomi Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

“When you feel hurt or anxious because someone set a boundary with you, ask yourself if you're projecting your insecurities onto the relationship. Ask yourself when you first felt this way. What were the circumstances, and who was involved? Understanding the origins of the hurt and anxiety can help you feel more centered and calm.”

I love This Book!

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great information on how to maintain healthy relationships with friends, family and partners.
I always enjoy learning about why people do the things they do.

[Mindi · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ because there were moments that I personally struggled to connect to but overall I felt this book does a good job explaining the importance of relationships and how to identify, foster and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships

[El · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a sea of nonfiction books that are focused on individualism this book felt like a breath of fresh air.It shines a light to our social and communal nature paired with ways we can use communication and openness to maintain and deepen the connections in our lives. And of course the grace we all wish to be given for our human mistakes and our imperfections. The only missing part for me was a more in depth look at the systems that shape our society today and push us more towards individualism and also how this topic is reflected in different cultures. Overall made me hopeful.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nedra Tawwab has a gift for explaining relationship dynamics in a way that is clear, compassionate, and actionable. The Balancing Act helped me understand the difference between closeness and enmeshment and reminded me that healthy relationships require both connection and independence. It’s a timely read for anyone doing personal growth work and wanting to build stronger, more intentional relationships. My favorite quote from the book - “Vulnerability is what makes our connections deeper, not the amount of time we spend together or the relationship title.”

[Savannah Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review: The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency

The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency offers a thoughtful and compassionate exploration of one of the most misunderstood concepts in emotional development: dependency. In this reflective nonfiction work, Judith Viorst challenges the cultural ideal of complete independence and instead argues that healthy dependency is not a weakness, but a necessary and lifelong component of human well-being.

Viorst draws on psychology, personal insight, and everyday examples to show how people move through cycles of dependence and independence across the lifespan. From childhood attachments to adult relationships, she illustrates that emotional health is rooted in balance—knowing when to rely on others and when to stand on one’s own. The book gently dismantles the notion that needing support signals failure, reframing it as a sign of emotional maturity and self-awareness.

The writing is accessible, conversational, and quietly reassuring. Viorst avoids clinical heaviness, making complex psychological ideas feel relatable and grounded in real life. Her reflections resonate especially strongly in discussions of relationships, caregiving, aging, and loss, where dependency often resurfaces in ways people may resist or feel ashamed of.

One of the book’s strengths is its validation of vulnerability. Rather than promoting rigid self-sufficiency, The Balancing Act encourages readers to embrace interdependence—the idea that giving and receiving support are equally valuable. This perspective feels especially relevant in a society that often prizes productivity and emotional stoicism over connection.

This book is well suited for readers interested in psychology, personal growth, and emotional resilience. Calm, insightful, and affirming, The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency ultimately reminds readers that strength does not come from standing alone, but from learning how to lean—wisely, intentionally, and without shame.

[Eira Deneb | the coffee brew bookclub ☕︎ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nedra Glover Tawwab continues to deliver practical, grounded insights on relationships in The Balancing Act. As a longtime reader of her work (especially “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” - my personal favorite -) and “Drama Free” this book felt like a natural extension of her core ideas, this time focusing on the spectrum between independence and dependence in our relationships.

She explores how we relate to others/ family, friends, partners, and community, through the lens of healthy vs. unhealthy dependency. As in her previous books, what stands out is her clarity and the abundance of real-life examples that make her concepts easy to understand and apply. Her work is consistently rooted in experience and psychological insight, which makes it both trustworthy and actionable.

That said, some ideas may feel familiar if you’ve read her earlier books, which is why this wasn’t a full 5-star read for me. Still, her work is the kind you revisit over time, because different lessons resonate depending on where you are in life.

If you’re looking to build healthier relationships and deepen your self-awareness, this is absolutely worth reading. I’ll continue to pick up anything Nedra writes. her voice remains one I trust and return to often.

PS. Listened to this one on audible, it’s awesome listening to her !

[Makeba · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great book to have in your toolbox. It provides simple, yet practical ways to manage relationships of any kind. It encourages us to see each individual for who they are and suggests that we expand our supports and identify different people for different aspects of our lives. “When a relationship limits your ability to have connections with others it’s unhealthy.”

While Glover is definitely an advocate for boundaries she also makes space for the idea that relationships may require some flexibility and reminds us that we’re all human and we will make mistakes. “Imperfect relationships are not failures. They are testaments to the value of our connections.”

At the end of each chapter she provides reflective questions that asks us to be curious about ourselves, our feelings and how we might be showing up in our relationships.

“Avoiding discomfort will keep you stuck in the same situation that you’d like to change.” If you’re feeling stuck in some of your relationships this books is great place to start. It’s an easy read with practical tips and you can always go back to it as a refresher!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

In The Balancing Act Nedra Tawwab explores how to balance connection in different relationships in your life. The book is divided into two sections - understanding unhealthy dependency and finding a healthier balance. In many things we often only hear about the extremes, so it's always good to find that middle ground/balancing act. In looking at relationships, Tawwab explores how our background can shape our current behavior, but people CAN change if they are willing to work on themselves. But there is something in here for anyone. Even if you grew up in a healthy family, there are still things you can learn about yourself or how to interact better with others. Written similarly to her other books with lots of real life examples from Tawwab's own life and her (anonymized) therapy clients. Overall, a solid book with lots of helpful information and tips that could be helpful to anyone in any kind of relationship.

[Shanique Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Boundaries are meant to keep us connected. [I]mperfect connections still add value to our lives.

Nedra Tawwab's newest book tackles the question of how to stay at home with yourself while balancing all of your other relationships. Using stories from her experience as a therapist and her own life, she guides us through codependency, hyper independence, attachment styles and more while helping us dig deeper with reflection questions at the end of each chapter. I always enjoy that she approaches her work not by looking to help us cut people off, but instead as figuring out how to help us maintain the relationships that we want to keep while not losing ourselves. This is a book to take your time reading through according to where you might need some new perspective in your own life and relationships.

[Raya P · Rating 5 out of 5]

As ever, Nedra's latest book is clear, concise, and to the point, offering practical advice and relatable anecdotes to help us navigate the give and take of relationships of all kinds. It resonates deeply and feels very timely not only in my personal life as I manage changing relationships with both friends and family in my 30s, but also in today's world. We need each other and it's okay to need each other, and we can be intentional about the levels of dependency we create with one another. I hurtled through this book and already feel like I could use a second read. I can see this being a book I turn to time and time again, just like Nedra's previous books, when I need some direct and thoughtful advice for building and sustaining loving, healthy relationships. I received an advance copy of this book and all opinions are my own.

[Layla Raz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is clear, compassionate, and refreshingly easy to read. The language is accessible without feeling watered down, making it especially helpful for readers who don’t have a background in therapy but want straightforward information to improve their relationships. Glover breaks down complex emotional dynamics into practical, understandable insights that feel immediately applicable to real life. Rather than overwhelming the reader, the book feels grounding and empowering. It offers clarity, reassurance, and concrete tools for building healthier boundaries and more balanced connections. A great entry point for anyone seeking personal growth without the intimidation of “therapy speak."

[Federico · Rating 2 out of 5]

I appreciate the effort to build on the classic "Attached" and give more practical examples, however this book did not work for me. The stories were never relatable, be it because they are too USA-centric or too focused on cishet women or families with children. The concrete suggestions are sometimes good, but nothing I had not already learnt from "Attached" or "Beyond Belief".

I also took issue with some parts here and there, such as prompts for conversation which did not feel non-violent communication to me. Tolerable minor issues, but they're enough for me to recommend a more polished alternative instead.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finally finished this book—and I’ll read anything Nedra Glover Tawwab writes.

One of my biggest takeaways was thinking about dependency as a spectrum, with healthy interdependence right in the middle. I also appreciated the reminders that setting and maintaining boundaries isn’t about pushing people away—it’s actually how we protect and sustain our relationships.

The audiobook was especially engaging, with plenty of thoughtful insights and practical takeaways around building and keeping strong boundaries.

[Rachael Eberle · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my experience, shifting dynamics to be more or less dependent isn’t as easy as is described in this book. It’s implied that when setting up a boundary, the other person says “okay” and/or moves on. But what about the people who stop treating the relationship as consensual? I think I was looking more for warning signs of how to avoid people who treat relationship like a bear trap; it can start out very enticing, but when you back up, they dig in.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nedra has done it again! She has done a great job in educating the reader about our own traits that interfere with healthy connection. The questions at the end of each chapter support insight into our own patterns and ways to strengthen skills to build healthy relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this book served as a great overview for (co)dependency. I love Nedra’s books and they’re easy to digest, get through and understand. I was hoping and needing it to be more in depth and it didn’t resonated how I was hoping it would but that’s my personal experience. Overall it’s a great book to read and refer back to.

[Andrew]

The balancing act: Indiscriminate distrust. Losing ties with others to protect ourselves emotionally. Longing for a connection we push away. You can be multiple attachment styles.. Disorganized attachment; Distancing as a form of self protection. Hugging a porcupine. Love does not require permission. Lots of different ways to love. Repetitive problems are symptoms of not correcting mistakes. Counter dependence and distancing yourself to protect you from being hurt. Understanding the balance and importance of having time alone. How to shift ourselves: Be curious, be uncomfortable, practice doing a new thing. Good review on my personality and relationship style, how different personalities react and understanding why behind different personalities reactions.

[Alaina]

I always love reads like this one. I have read another of this author’s books and enjoyed it, and this one was very similar. I like her style of utilizing character examples for the reader to potentially relate to and explaining the why behind certain topics, eventually giving realistic tips for improvement. Thumbs up!

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was a short read, only 166 pages
i liked the author's optimistic view on relationships
that even if we are struggling, we can still make corrections (aka boundaries with difficult people) in hopes that it will maintain the connection instead of severing it completely
i like the idea that you need different relationship skills with different people bc everyone's experience is different

[Sheena LaPratt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have enjoyed all of her books so far. They give encouragement, direction, and helpful information. I especially enjoyed the portion where she mentioned the importance of not diagnosing people based on your experiences with them as people can act differently around others.

[Michelle Magnasco · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the shape and weight of this book, but that's about it. I found it preachy and at times the anecdotes presented seemed out of place. I didn't get any new learnings out of it, though did enjoy the section about dependencies on social media and technology at the end.

[Michelle Clippinger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be easily digestible and thought it truly had a lot to offer. Although, I felt it lacked some depth for what I was hoping for. Various sections seemed repetitive, with some parts disorganized in the mix. 3.5 ⭐️ rounded up

[Avid Reader For Life · Rating 1 out of 5]

She writes the same things over and over again.

[Fiona · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars