The Importance of Being Ernest

by Ernest Cline

Familiar and resonant, Cline's collection takes readers into a private landscape of science fiction, pop culture, and pornography. Ernest Cline is a geek, novelist, poet, and screenwriter based in Austin, Texas. In addition to winning poetry slams, Cline is known for screenwriting "Fanboys," released in 2009. He also recently sold the film rights to his latest book, "Armada."

Genres: Classics, Poetry, Fiction, Humor, Plays, Comedy, School

89 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 16, 2014

About the author

ERNEST CLINE is a novelist, screenwriter, father, and full-time geek. His first novel, Ready Player One, was a New York Times and USA Today bestseller, appeared on numerous “best of the year” lists, and is set to be adapted into a motion picture by Warner Bros. and director Steven Spielberg. His second novel, ARMADA, debuted at #4 on the NYT Bestseller list and is being made into a film by Universal Pictures. Ernie lives in Austin, Texas, with his family, a time-traveling DeLorean, and a large collection of classic video games.

Reviews

[Ian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well first off, I might be the only one on goodreads that has actually read this book. If most people had paid attention to the title they would realize THIS IS NOT THE PLAY BY OSCAR WILDE. Its not even remotely similar or even a play. The Importance of Being Ernest is a collection of free verse poems/spoken word pieces with a few haikus mixed in for good measure. I think my favorites were his poems Airwolf, Tech Support, and When I was a Kid. Although the book does contain strong language and occasional adult subject matter Cline allows his "inner nerd" to shine though. Fans of Ready Player one will certainly appreciate the same nostalgia and inside references found in this book.

[DeadWeight · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow. I had thought I had encountered bad writing in the past. But this, dear friends, takes the cake. This is, without a single doubt, the worst sh*t I have ever read in my entire life. It is turgid, embarrassing trash. That an adult man wrote this is well beyond comprehension: this volume may only be imagined as the product of some malignant mass of half-sentient gibbering acne hooked up to a word processor. It's less like reading poetry, more like reading a subreddit. One of the really bad ones. r/incels comes to mind.

There are simply no words. This book doesn't deserve a book review. It deserves an assembly of the Supreme Court to review whether or not writing this bad is an offense worthy of capital punishment.

Read a sample for yourself!

Very excited to now read Ready Player One . [EDIT: I did.]

[Javene · Rating 1 out of 5]

Mercifully short. This was like being trapped in an elevator with every terrible nerdy dude from high school who badgered me for nudes because I was a girl who unfortunately liked the same stuff they liked.

[Ana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Geeky poetry is not something I'd read before this collection landed into my hands. I liked it.

[Jay Fox · Rating 1 out of 5]

I said before that Ernest Cline is 'That Guy' but jeez

After reading the poem 'Nerd Porn Auteur' outside of this book I knew I was getting into something bad, and the rest of the collection doesn't change that. Cline is writing poems heralding himself as this figurehead for men that 'aren't like all those other men', but will also tell you that you're 'not like other girls'. His 'I am fetishizing a certain kind of woman, but not bimbos, ugh gross, no I want women in glasses with brains' brand of pseudo-feminism is inherently anti-feminist, and it's really gross??

Also Cline on two separate occasions breaks from his poem to sidetrack into a joke about wanting to kill someone, and it doesn't come across as funny. Paired with the poem 'Cinéma Vérité', which is all about killing various members of the public that are rude in a cinema viewing, Cline has a 'comedic' take that actually makes me feel like I wouldn't want to be around this man. Very uncomfortable reading, and not in a fun way. Would like to wipe this memory from my brain.

[El · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't believe this man had the audacity to say he's not interested in 'misogynist, women-hating porn' IMMEDIATELY after calling women who choose to do sex work 'objects' and 'vacuum-headed fuck-bunnies'. WHERE is the self-awareness.

[Isha]

this is the worst thing i have ever read to date i think. it was a like a train wreck i couldn’t stop but i wish it was never made ever

[Riggen Snyder · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Importance of Being Ernest, a 50-page collection of slam poetry about his outlook on life and how he should live it like he wants to live it. I have to say it was interesting to read. Walking in I did not know it was only 50 some pages, but it was a good, fun, quick read. Most of his poems were just how he was a closet geek growing up and just wanted to let the world how geeky he was about things that culture. There were poems such as Dance, Monkeys, Dance and Cinéma Vérité. These 2 poems specifically relate to the insanity of humanity. I mean one says how we're all monkeys living an almost identical life to each other. The other explains that having your phone out or having an annoying baby during the movie is annoying. The point he's trying to make is that humanity is no less flawed than other species. In a story like that confessing to the judge, he killed 3 people because of improper movie etiquette is a little extreme I still find him being able to get his point across. I liked this "book" even though it was a little boring at times such as explaining why an '80s show about a supersonic helicopter got stolen is the best show in existence. But the cat has to be let out of the bag. I am not a poetry fan. so the idea of reading a straight poetry book didn't necessarily excite me. But I have to say this book actually ended up on the good side of my opinion just because what the poems are literally about Ernest. (One of my favorite authors I mean he wrote Ready Player One, my favorite book.) I do say it was quite interesting to learn about his struggles as an aptly named geek. Al in all I would recommend to anybody looking to learn more about this author.

[Miranda Levi · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Importance of Being Earnest
By Ernest Cline
Reviewed by Miranda Boyer

Ernie Cline is one of my favorite people authoring my favorite book Ready Player One. So it should be no surprise that I was willing to get my hands on anything while I wait for Armada to be released later this year.

The Importance of Bing Ernest, while a play by Oscar Wilde, it is also a book of poetry slash monologs by Ernie Cline. Cline actively participated in various poetry slams from 1997-2001 when he wrote this short little book.

Some of my favorites from this compellation was When I Was a Kid; Cinema Verite; The Geek Wants Out; and the title poem The Importance of Being Ernest. The last one I can relate to 100 percent. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me to read him or her thier rights… I’d be a very rich person.

This book as originally published by Cline himself in 2004, and since the success of Ready Player One this little charm has a new edition with fantastic illustrations by Len Peralta.

If you don’t want to shell out $15 for this book, which is a great addition to my own collection, then you can check out Ernie Cline’s website where you can find copies of these poems as well as his spoken word album “Ultraman is Airworlf” which is a collection Cline performing these at various poetry slams.

The only downside… I wish there was more!

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Because the monkeys want answers

and the monkeys don't want to die.

So the monkeys make up gods

and then they worship them.

Then the monkeys argue

over whose made-up god is better.

Then the monkeys get really pissed off

and this is usually when the monkeys decide

that it's a good time to start killing each other.



So the monkeys wage war.

The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.

The monkeys have got their whole fucking planet

wired up to explode.

The monkeys just can't help it.

[...]

As you can see . . .

these are some fucked up monkeys.



These monkeys are at once the ugliest

and most beautiful creatures on the planet.



And the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.

They want to be something else.

But they're not."


I thought it was very nice and funny; I really laughed a lot. Would I read it again? Probably not, but if someone were to ask me if they should read it, I think I would most likely say yes. I really enjoyed it.

[KJ · Rating 1 out of 5]

... ew. This guy is the WORST. And his writing isn't even good enough to make up for it, this is hot garbage.

"I mean, I'm a guy. And guys need porn.
Fact.
"Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein,"
Guys need porn.
But I don't wanna watch this misogynist he-man woman-hater porn.
I want porno movies that are made with guys like me in mind:
Guys who know that the sexiest thing in the world
is a woman who is smarter than you are.
You can have the whole cheerleading squad,
I want the girl in the tweed skirt and the horn-rimmed glasses:
Betty Finnebowski, the valedictorian.
Oh yes.
First I want to copy her Trig homework,
and then I want to make mad, passionate love to her
for hours and hours
until she reluctantly asks if we can stop
because she doesn't want to miss Battlestar Galactica."

[Yasmin V. · Rating 1 out of 5]

i wouldn’t wish this book on my worst enemy

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

To be clear, since the goodreads page seems messed up, i read Ernest Cline's "The Importance of Being Ernest" and it was trash. This made me stupider. This has ruined poetry for me. In fact, these aren't poems at all; they're failed stand-up routines about benign garbage along the lines of "I Am the Biggest And Most Annoying Nerd Ever Which I Will Prove Now" and "I Totally Respect Women (Not Bimbos Though) Unlike Those CHADS and That's Why I've Objectified Them And Am Waiting For Women To Sleep With Me Now (But Not If You're A Bimbo)" and "I'm Going To Straight Up Describe Being So Crazy with Rage Over Nothing That I Regularly Threaten to Kill People/Fantasize About Murdering Folks for Breathing if I Decide I Don't Like Them" and lastly "I Told Everyone How Stupid They Are Compared to Me and Then Everyone Clapped."

If you liked Ready Player One, maybe you'll love the continued misogyny, racism, and overall bigotry in this... sigh... book. This utterly proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that RP1 is a self-insert incel fic starring Cline in a world designed for him to pwn everyone effortlessly and jerk off to his own apparent genius. Enjoy.

Cline has stated in 2011 that he thought these poems aged well. Let's see how 2024 treats him.

Rating of "poems" in order from worst to still bad but slightly less bad to come.

[Aurora · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am so glad there is something on GR for people to rant about “the poem”, so much that this is a top result when googling “the poem”. I only come here after being alerted to its existence by way of afterwork cocktails with other women, which is really the only way you should learn about it. (If you learn about it from cocktails with a group of men well…I wish you the best in life.)

This dude was in his 30s when he wrote that 6th grade level creative writing exercise that he wanted to see porn stars as geeky high schoolers.

There is apparently, in an attempt to be funny or something like that, one about killing people at the cinema.

To end on a positive note, I wish I had the confidence of someone who thought this should be published.

Socialize your kids, people.

[Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first collection of poems that I've read that has not made me want to gauge out my eyes. Ernest Cline has quickly become one of my favorites, his writing is completely relatable for someone who was raised on X-Files, Stephen King, and video games. Every poem in this collection made me chuckle or just throw my hands up in the air and yell "YES. HE GETS IT."

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Scathing, relevant, and funny.

[H.R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is Airwolf

I don't have many words to say other than that this book is Airwolf. Ernest Cline has done amazing works and I'm looking forward to his next.

[Nadiya]

I think I am not a typical audience for this book. Still really enjoyed this slim volume of Cline’s youthful witticism.

[George Lathwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Since reading Ready Player One and Ready Player Two Ernest Cline has become one of my favourite authors and this book is no different. a wonderful collection of poetry which has some nerdy poems which fans of Ready Player One will probably love and some of his views on life. This is a fun read and I'd highly recommend this book to fans of other works by Ernest Cline.

[Bill Glose · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is the worst, amateurish spoken word poetry I've ever read. Just a lot of geeky angst and screeching with zero artistry. A supreme letdown, especially since I love Cline's novels so much.

[storm · Rating 1 out of 5]

to everyone rating this so highly: did the misogyny just go over you heads or…? I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH — “nerd porn auteur” might be the worst thing i’ve ever read in my life.

[Elizabeth Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I generally dislike poetry, but this guy is so funny and on point that it works. Warning: definitely graphic and adult in nature, but if you liked Ready Player One, you'll probably like this too.

[Bexan · Rating 2 out of 5]

And with this, I have officially read all four of the books that Ernest cline has written.

Did I mention I don't particularly like his writing? Because I really do not, and his slam poems are just generally an expression of this.

First is that the main driving force of Ernest Cline's writing. All four of the books he has published up to this point are about nerd culture. I think that being a nerd or geek is great! I am by definition a huge nerd (I am writing a review on slam poetry, I read constantly, I have a TARDIS bookshelf, I incorporate cosplay into my daily fashion, ETC.), but I think overall nerd culture is a very sick culture. Being a nerd has become all about the idea of consumption, not creation and love for engaging with broader culture. Cline's writing exemplifies this.
"Because he's a fucking Geek.
and he wants his toys.
He wants the complete set
in mint condition,
still in the box.
He wants every item on the planet
that is even remotely related to Ultraman."
Cline inherently connects his idea of being a geek to consumption, and I think we need to outgrow that. Collecting is cool! But Collecting being all that being a geek is makes it so people own hundreds of Funko Pops that have no value for stuff they've never even watched! The love of creation feels limited to what can be purchased. The engagement with broader culture feels stifled, leading to the same movies being remade over and over again.

This work also colors what led me to first really dislike Ernest Cline, Nerd Porn Auteur. In reading NPA and Cunning Linguistics, it is very clear that Cline sees himself as one of "the good ones" about men. He creates this idea of bad objectification of women (done by beer swilling jocks with big dicks who only penetrate) and his GOOD objectification of women (done by Ernest Cline, who enjoys dominant, intelligent women and eating carpet.) He ignores the fact that he is still viewing women as objects to be possessed and watched "And guys need porn. Fact. Like a preacher needs pain, like a needle needs a vein, guys need porn." Everything that an intelligent "geeky" girl can do is orgasmic to Cline. Including; wearing glasses, copying her trig homework, watching Battlestar Galactica, having braces, having a good GPA, and playing chess. After this expression of objectification, Cline shifts to blatant commodification, disguised through the lens of "empowerment."

Cline talks about how the idea of a geek porno company is a gold mine and how he'll make millions. He states that "𝙈𝙮 porn starlets will come in all shapes and sizes. 𝙈𝙮 porn starlets will be too busy working on their PHD to go to the gym" and "It doesn't matter if you don't think you are beautiful... You are beautiful. And 𝙄 will make you a star." (emphasis added.) Cline cannot help but insert an idea of his own ownership of women, even when he lays out them supposedly being intellectually superior to him. It is a disgusting world view, sanitized to make it seem palatable to men who call themselves progressive.

(Also this doesn't fit anywhere else, but Nerd Porn Auteur includes a line about gay nerd porn called "Dungeons and Drag Queens", which really annoys me for the tacit homophobia about gay culture just being drag, independent of the fact that drag isn't an erotic act, but is a performance art like pantomime meant to satirize gender roles)

Finally, like many other "good" guys, Cline cannot help but express blatant sexism towards women he doesn't like. In the opening of Nerd Porn Auteur, he uses loaded language to talk about female porn stars for not being arousing to him personally. "Monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos with gargantuan-breasts and a three world vocabulary.", "These aren't real women, they're objects.", and "These vacuum-headed fuck-bunnies don't turn me on. They Disgust me." He somehow doesn't realize that using this language towards women he doesn't desire is still an expression of sexism even if he claims to like intelligent women.

Other than that I don't really have any technical critiques. I find slam poetry kind of pretentious, but this is just a personal opinion. He clearly enjoys that and it is fine, and his expression of frustration about his life and death are perfectly valid and even effective. I felt his frustration with being a tech support worker and the daily grind, although the language that he is using is very elitist. People who annoy him are inbred or have "double digit IQs". It really feels like how Nerd Culture is often used as an instrument of bullying by people who make a core part of their personality how persecuted they were in elementary school.

[César · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fuck off, book!

The 100+ pages of this book were painful to read. Nonsensical poetry that reads like some schizo greentext from 4chan (but, without the charm from those tales), banal themes, boring, cringe, and as another nerd, this dogshit collection of poetry gave me secondhand embarrassment.

The time you invest reading this could be better invested in something less painful, like drinking shots of Toilet Duck, stepping on rusty nails, or having your teeth pulled out. Or all three combined.

I'm throwing this to the coals of my next Carne Asada.

[Remo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tras decepcionarme con su Ready Player Two, por qué no terminar de descender la espiral del oprobio y leer los poemas de juventud de Cline. Empezando por el título que los agrupa, The importance of being Ernest, que pretende hacer un segundo juego de palabras sobre Oscar Wilde pero que en realidad lo deshace y lo deja tirado en la acera.
Empieza fuerte, quejándose de que a él siempre le han dicho que "antes las cosas eran más difíciles" las anteriores generaciones, para inmediatamente después hacer lo mismo él con la siguiente generación, de manera absolutamente no irónica sino "pero es que esta vez sí que es verdad".

When I was a kid
adults used to bore me to tears
with their tedious diatribes about how hard things used to be
when they were growing up,
what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning,
uphill, both ways, through year-round blizzards,
carrying their younger siblings on their back
to their one-room schoolhouse
where they maintained a straight-A average,
despite their full-time after-school job
at the local textile mill
where they worked for .35 cents an hour
just to help keep their family from starving to death.
And I remember promising myself that, when I grew up,
there was no way in hell
I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids
about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it.
But now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of 28…
I can’t help but look around and notice
that the youth of today—
You’ve got it so fucking easy!
I mean, compared to my childhood,
you live in a goddamn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today,
“You don’t know how good you’ve got it.”[...]

Hay otro sobre "porno amateur con chicas normales" que claramente cruza la frontera de la vergüenza ajena, hay una apología del friki en el concepto dañino del friki, que es el obsesionado de star wars y otros productos de cultura popular de masas:

[...] He wants movies.
He wants to see the Director’s Cut.
He wants the impossible to find Japanese bootleg with
6 minutes of never-before-seen footage.
He wants to watch Blade Runner. Again.
He wants to watch Brazil. Again.

He wants to watch A Clockwork Orange.
Again and Again!

But I deprive him of these things, as best I can,
until I can no longer ignore his voice
screaming in my head.

I am Jekyll. He is Hyde.
I am Bruce Banner. He is the Hulk.
Especially the Hulk from issues #272 to #378. [...]

Hay unos cuantos así. Ninguno salvable, a mi parecer.

El autor publicó esto tras petarlo fuerte con Ready Player One y mientras preparaba el lanzamiento de Armada, que fue un Ready player two prematuro e igual de malo. Se vino arriba. Habiendo completado la integral del autor, veo que Ready Player One fue lo que fue y ya no hay más en el lugar de donde vino.

[Joshua Gray · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ernest Cline is the author of one of my favourite books ever: Ready Player One. A nerdy adventure novel packed full of references and general geekiness. Ernie Cline was also an active competitor of the Austen, Texas poetry slams. This is where the book came from. Originally published by Cline himself back in 2004, the success of his début novel prompted this gorgeous new edition with a cover by Gary Musgrave and full of great illustrations by Len Peralta.
This is a collection of, like Ready Player One, beautifully nerdy, funny and satirical poetry. Though the references to AOL and Jerry Springer may feel a little dated, the poems are still masterpieces that demand to be read aloud as they were read at the Slams. Ernie rants and Ernie ponders and Ernie makes you read them over and over again. This collection of poetry is well worth the money.

But if you don't wanna fork out $15 for it, then most of these poems can also be found on Ernie Cline's website and also, you can find his spoken word album “Ultraman is Airwolf” which are recordings of Cline himself performing the poems at Slams.

I loved this collection, and I give it a 4.5 out of 5. That missing 0.5 is my need for more poems. I can't get enough.

[Kelly Hager · Rating 5 out of 5]

As you probably know, I was a huge, HUGE fan of Ready Player One, and I have been waiting impatiently for his next book. Armada was supposed to be released this year, but now there's no mention of it anywhere...

And then I found this.

This isn't a novel. It's not even a book of poetry, per se. It's something you can probably read in half an hour, and is a set of random poems that are also really, really good and incredibly funny. It also turns out that you can read/listen to them for free here. (But I'm still okay with the fact that I bought it because MAYBE WE CAN GET ANOTHER BOOK SOON.)

For whatever it's worth, my favorite is probably Cinema Verite (I over-relate) and my second favorite is everything else. (But probably especially When I Was A Kid.)

If you're not a fan of Ernest Cline's yet, absolutely read this and then go buy Ready Player One and read it. Immediately.

Highly recommended.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you loved Ready Player One as I did, I urge you to pick this up.

I'm not normally a fan of 'slam' poetry, preferring my poetry in the classical style, and I do feel as though the endings to some of these pieces could have been stronger (Cunning Linguistics aside), but that having been said - I enjoyed every second of this collection.

Every sentiment rang true, and worded in a way I can only describe as 'genius' (the first stanza of 'When I was a Kid' is particularly good). I've read a lot recently that didn't align with my outlook, so it was a beautiful thing to read a collection that felt as though it was written purely for me.

[Allison Coopersmith · Rating 1 out of 5]

A bizarre collection of poems where the author insists he's special because he likes Star Wars, brags about going down on women, and insists that "nerd women" should be pornstars.

Nerd Porn Auteur was my least favorite poem. Ernest really tries to cast himself as a NiceGuyWomanRespecter while claiming that 1. all women who do porn are stupid, and 2. women who don't want to do porn should have to do it, just because it'll make his dick hard

I'm not even getting into the structure of these poems because I don't have all day. Suffice it to say that they have no structure and it's essentially just a paragraph broken up into multiple lines.

[Edmund Davis-Quinn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just flew through this one. I read most of it while laughing uproariously at a Chinese Buffet for Christmas with my family. So much fun and something I probably should have bought a while ago. I've loved "Geek Porn Auteur" and "Dance Monkeys Dance" for a long time and loved him novel "Ready Player One."

He's also part of the power poetry couple of geeky goofery with maybe my favorite modern poet the hilarious and awesome Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz. I know he has moved on to novels but would love some more geeky poems. Great Christmas present!