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Deliria - A Dark Psychological Romance : HARD VERSION
PLEASE NOTE THIS IS THE HARD VERSION. If you are looking for a traditional HEA and don't want to deal with all the pitch black triggers there is a soft version that may be more suitable.
Becoming a Forster is every girl's dream....
Except, I don’t remember marrying Alex.
I don’t remember anything. The woman in the mirror is a stranger.
And now I’m here, in the great Forster Mansion, sequestered away with his family because I’m too ill to be out in public.
But this place feels more like a prison than a sanctuary.
I feel watched, haunted— whether it’s by this house or my own fractured mind, I can’t say.
I don't know who I am. I don't know who I was.
Alex says that I’m sick. That I need to rest. But my mind won’t rest.
There’s something horribly wrong here, something lurking beneath the surface that I can’t grasp.
Can I trust this man who says he loves me? And why does his troubled brother seem to haunt my every step?
As the line between reality and illusion blurs, it’s no longer about who I was. It’s about whether I can survive what I’ve become - what they’ve turned me into.
What to
- Tri- Narration
- Dub con / Non Con
- Somno
- Forced proximity
- Coercive control / Gaslighting / Manipulation
- At it's core, this is a dark gothic romance with a lot of twists and some pitch black triggers
Becoming a Forster is every girl's dream....
Except, I don’t remember marrying Alex.
I don’t remember anything. The woman in the mirror is a stranger.
And now I’m here, in the great Forster Mansion, sequestered away with his family because I’m too ill to be out in public.
But this place feels more like a prison than a sanctuary.
I feel watched, haunted— whether it’s by this house or my own fractured mind, I can’t say.
I don't know who I am. I don't know who I was.
Alex says that I’m sick. That I need to rest. But my mind won’t rest.
There’s something horribly wrong here, something lurking beneath the surface that I can’t grasp.
Can I trust this man who says he loves me? And why does his troubled brother seem to haunt my every step?
As the line between reality and illusion blurs, it’s no longer about who I was. It’s about whether I can survive what I’ve become - what they’ve turned me into.
What to
- Tri- Narration
- Dub con / Non Con
- Somno
- Forced proximity
- Coercive control / Gaslighting / Manipulation
- At it's core, this is a dark gothic romance with a lot of twists and some pitch black triggers
- GenresDark RomanceDark
442 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 31, 2025
137 people are currently reading
192 people want to read
About the author
Ellie Sanders
26 books537 followersInternational bestselling author of Pitch Black Romance.
Ellie Sanders lives in rural Hampshire, in the U.K. with her partner and two troublesome dogs.
She has a BA Hons degree in English and American Literature with Creative Writing and enjoys spending her time, when not endlessly writing, exploring the countryside around her home.
Hit her up on her the following accounts.....
FB Group: The Hot Steamy Writer
Instagram: @hotsteamywriter
TikTok: @hotsteamywriter
Twitter: @hotsteamywriter
Ellie Sanders lives in rural Hampshire, in the U.K. with her partner and two troublesome dogs.
She has a BA Hons degree in English and American Literature with Creative Writing and enjoys spending her time, when not endlessly writing, exploring the countryside around her home.
Hit her up on her the following accounts.....
FB Group: The Hot Steamy Writer
Instagram: @hotsteamywriter
TikTok: @hotsteamywriter
Twitter: @hotsteamywriter
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
June 28, 2025
Absolutely loved it. Very dark themed. Blew my mind. I didn’t know what was going on because the way it was written kept me guessing. I didn’t know who the true villain was. Around 48% you started getting the picture. It was so good. Damn the FMC went thru it. If you like dark psychological thrillers tho books for you.
December 26, 2025
But why?
It was a good mind fuck of a book , kind of. Would have been even better if there was a explanation as to why all the shit was happening.
It was a good mind fuck of a book , kind of. Would have been even better if there was a explanation as to why all the shit was happening.
August 17, 2025
There are countless trigger warnings, I stopped reading them halfway through, don't do this if you have any raw spots. Mine is miscarrying and due to my haste I was unprepared. Take your time reading through that list and make an informed choice for/against this book.
As for the story itself:
• multiple POVs rarely work for me, I like suspense, being very well-informed from all sides all the time kills the suspense; just when I started pondering whether she had gone mad after losing her brother, Alexander gets a chapter and the jig's up, I didn't see the appeal
• I get that drugs affect the memory, but in this book it was completely random, sometimes there was no drugging mentioned yet she couldn't remember the next morning, other times she was drugged and could, some days she remembered stuff easily, at other times she had forgotten even more, like where she was or that she was married, it felt less and less convincing and more convenient
• I like someone who fights back, but with her barely eating or hydrating, being drugged heavily and the stuff being done to her physically everyday, a real human would not be able to do so after months, especially the last chapters were proposterous even counting in the adrenaline factor
• the plot didn't really make sense; first of all, because she just could have gone into hiding and wait for the banks to foreclose on the heavily indebted players, or could have alerted the authorities to the embezzlement, 200 missing millions are hard to explain, but lets say for the sake of the argument, that she needs to take the route she has: while the Forsters have to wait for her 25th birthday, she does not, she could just kill them all in their sleep, wait for her inheritance and use it find out where Sydney&Fraser are hiding, especially given that their presence at the mansion was under no circumstance a given but merely a possibility, great parenting decision on Lionel's part to sacrifice his daughter for a 50/50 chance at avenging his wife, bet his wife would have approved... NOT.
• what's the text message to her father about? it's not as if she had set anything in motion while being there, all she did was trying to regain enough of her brain to even understand what was going on; they had a plan at some point (though the reader's not filled in on it) that fell apart when Rafferty informed her, that Alex knew who she was, she panicked, called her brother to get her out, then the accident happened, as of then, there is no plan, nothing any of them actively do
• "the plan" is a sick joke, she lives hell on earth for half a year and the great finale is ONE MAN showing up? Pair that with her interrupting Rafe giving Alexander what he had coming, thus enabling the latter to get away, if I had read a paperback instead of on my kindle, the book would have hit the wall right then and there
• Rafe fighting with mommy over a gun, being twice her size and about 25 years younger, are you kidding me? You need a gun for that?
• Scarlett, in the sad physical state she is in, goes after Alex both alone and unarmed, great choice, Rafe then follows once he accomplished the unexplicably impossible task to deal with his mother, leaving Lionel ALONE in a house full of goons (where did they suddenly come from? Alex never had goons before) and the security detail the guests brought onto the island, is he supposed to be an immortal?
• ending was a happy one in my eyes, but that certainly lies in the eye of the beholder, I read the "soft" ending, too, and found her father's audacity to try and tell her what was best for her after whoring her out for his idea of revenge, infuriating and the happy ending something for readers naive enough to believe that after using the word "trauma" on every other page, there are no longterm repercussions of what she endured, so not believable
Overall, the story simply lacked finesse. I like my bad guys twisting the truth/reality, like a white car appearing red in the glow of a street lamp at night, or one of these pictures where you either see the vase or the two faces, you know, you don't share their approach or conclusion, but their reasoning makes sense somehow, but here they're just utterly delusional, like when Alex complains about the drugged MC not taking good enough care of her appearence *eyeroll
Nehavior doesn't fit with the character, like Alexander restricting access "because she is my wife", when he never had any interest beyond her being the Heath-heiress (the flashback to their "wedding ceremony" makes that abundantly clear), him letting her almost kill herself in a drugged state numerous times because he's too lazy to go outside and bring her back in, apparently 200 million are not motivation enough for him; or the Forsters keeping Rafferty around for literally no reason; Scarlett pretending being violated the same way her mother was by the same men no less is revenge? Pretty sure the men in question would disagree.
Writing is okay, content not great, I kept reading for the big plan to unfold and am seriously let down, I was waiting for them to turn the tables, make the bad guys suffer, but everyone got a very quick death, too, which again poses the question: why not simply kill them in their sleep?
Given that the author claims "extensive editing", there's a surprising amount of mistakes and contrary to her claim, not a question of AE or BE. Plural s has no apostrophe, preverbal and proverbial is not the same, there are words missing or too many, ... That professional editor did not do a convincing enough job.
As for the story itself:
• multiple POVs rarely work for me, I like suspense, being very well-informed from all sides all the time kills the suspense; just when I started pondering whether she had gone mad after losing her brother, Alexander gets a chapter and the jig's up, I didn't see the appeal
• I get that drugs affect the memory, but in this book it was completely random, sometimes there was no drugging mentioned yet she couldn't remember the next morning, other times she was drugged and could, some days she remembered stuff easily, at other times she had forgotten even more, like where she was or that she was married, it felt less and less convincing and more convenient
• I like someone who fights back, but with her barely eating or hydrating, being drugged heavily and the stuff being done to her physically everyday, a real human would not be able to do so after months, especially the last chapters were proposterous even counting in the adrenaline factor
• the plot didn't really make sense; first of all, because she just could have gone into hiding and wait for the banks to foreclose on the heavily indebted players, or could have alerted the authorities to the embezzlement, 200 missing millions are hard to explain, but lets say for the sake of the argument, that she needs to take the route she has: while the Forsters have to wait for her 25th birthday, she does not, she could just kill them all in their sleep, wait for her inheritance and use it find out where Sydney&Fraser are hiding, especially given that their presence at the mansion was under no circumstance a given but merely a possibility, great parenting decision on Lionel's part to sacrifice his daughter for a 50/50 chance at avenging his wife, bet his wife would have approved... NOT.
• what's the text message to her father about? it's not as if she had set anything in motion while being there, all she did was trying to regain enough of her brain to even understand what was going on; they had a plan at some point (though the reader's not filled in on it) that fell apart when Rafferty informed her, that Alex knew who she was, she panicked, called her brother to get her out, then the accident happened, as of then, there is no plan, nothing any of them actively do
• "the plan" is a sick joke, she lives hell on earth for half a year and the great finale is ONE MAN showing up? Pair that with her interrupting Rafe giving Alexander what he had coming, thus enabling the latter to get away, if I had read a paperback instead of on my kindle, the book would have hit the wall right then and there
• Rafe fighting with mommy over a gun, being twice her size and about 25 years younger, are you kidding me? You need a gun for that?
• Scarlett, in the sad physical state she is in, goes after Alex both alone and unarmed, great choice, Rafe then follows once he accomplished the unexplicably impossible task to deal with his mother, leaving Lionel ALONE in a house full of goons (where did they suddenly come from? Alex never had goons before) and the security detail the guests brought onto the island, is he supposed to be an immortal?
• ending was a happy one in my eyes, but that certainly lies in the eye of the beholder, I read the "soft" ending, too, and found her father's audacity to try and tell her what was best for her after whoring her out for his idea of revenge, infuriating and the happy ending something for readers naive enough to believe that after using the word "trauma" on every other page, there are no longterm repercussions of what she endured, so not believable
Overall, the story simply lacked finesse. I like my bad guys twisting the truth/reality, like a white car appearing red in the glow of a street lamp at night, or one of these pictures where you either see the vase or the two faces, you know, you don't share their approach or conclusion, but their reasoning makes sense somehow, but here they're just utterly delusional, like when Alex complains about the drugged MC not taking good enough care of her appearence *eyeroll
Nehavior doesn't fit with the character, like Alexander restricting access "because she is my wife", when he never had any interest beyond her being the Heath-heiress (the flashback to their "wedding ceremony" makes that abundantly clear), him letting her almost kill herself in a drugged state numerous times because he's too lazy to go outside and bring her back in, apparently 200 million are not motivation enough for him; or the Forsters keeping Rafferty around for literally no reason; Scarlett pretending being violated the same way her mother was by the same men no less is revenge? Pretty sure the men in question would disagree.
Writing is okay, content not great, I kept reading for the big plan to unfold and am seriously let down, I was waiting for them to turn the tables, make the bad guys suffer, but everyone got a very quick death, too, which again poses the question: why not simply kill them in their sleep?
Given that the author claims "extensive editing", there's a surprising amount of mistakes and contrary to her claim, not a question of AE or BE. Plural s has no apostrophe, preverbal and proverbial is not the same, there are words missing or too many, ... That professional editor did not do a convincing enough job.
November 2, 2025
I've read both versions of this book and they do differ, the hard version is more graphic, more disturbing, more tragic and some would say there is no HEA in this one but I would argue that actually there is in a way. If you want a happier, traditional ending and less brutality then read the softer one.
And this is a brutal, violent black romance, make no mistake. There are no heroes in this story, just the villains, and the morally ambiguous/ grey characters. This centres around Scarlett, a young woman who was bady injured in a car accident that killed her brother and is now recovering at the wealthy Forster family mansion on a isolated island, cut off by the sea.
She's married to Alex, the older son, but each day she wakes up weak, confused, with memory loss. She cant remember things, and even though she is tended to, and apparently cared for she cant help but feel something is wrong, that she is in terrible danger.
Alex is always watching her, checking up on her, she feels eyes on her all the time. But is her paranoia and fear justified or is it a result of her brain injury. She overhears snippets of conversations between Alex and his parents that are concerning, and its not long until Alex is forcing himself on her and sharing her with his father. She knows she needs to remember and escape but how, when its clear the family and entire staff are determined to hold her prisoner.
She starts finding little notes she's left for herself previously, which give her clues and she starts writing down what is happening to her in an old library book, and starts, bit by bit to piece together what is happening and why she is there. But is there anyone she can trust, is Rafe, her husband's younger brother friend or foe, and will she work out exactly what the Forster family are up to before its too late?
I enjoyed it its well written, the atmosphere of creeping dread and confusion is very well done. Scarlett's mental state is well described and the abuse and degradation she endures are truly stomach churning. Please note the TW's at the start, this is a black story, its not a romance, although she does have feelings for someone. There is physical, mental abuse and rape and a whole lot more so be warned.
Scarlett is such a strong FMC, you will be amazed at what she goes through and survives. I've read both versions and cant say which one I preferred. They are both equally good, and two very different endings.
And this is a brutal, violent black romance, make no mistake. There are no heroes in this story, just the villains, and the morally ambiguous/ grey characters. This centres around Scarlett, a young woman who was bady injured in a car accident that killed her brother and is now recovering at the wealthy Forster family mansion on a isolated island, cut off by the sea.
She's married to Alex, the older son, but each day she wakes up weak, confused, with memory loss. She cant remember things, and even though she is tended to, and apparently cared for she cant help but feel something is wrong, that she is in terrible danger.
Alex is always watching her, checking up on her, she feels eyes on her all the time. But is her paranoia and fear justified or is it a result of her brain injury. She overhears snippets of conversations between Alex and his parents that are concerning, and its not long until Alex is forcing himself on her and sharing her with his father. She knows she needs to remember and escape but how, when its clear the family and entire staff are determined to hold her prisoner.
She starts finding little notes she's left for herself previously, which give her clues and she starts writing down what is happening to her in an old library book, and starts, bit by bit to piece together what is happening and why she is there. But is there anyone she can trust, is Rafe, her husband's younger brother friend or foe, and will she work out exactly what the Forster family are up to before its too late?
I enjoyed it its well written, the atmosphere of creeping dread and confusion is very well done. Scarlett's mental state is well described and the abuse and degradation she endures are truly stomach churning. Please note the TW's at the start, this is a black story, its not a romance, although she does have feelings for someone. There is physical, mental abuse and rape and a whole lot more so be warned.
Scarlett is such a strong FMC, you will be amazed at what she goes through and survives. I've read both versions and cant say which one I preferred. They are both equally good, and two very different endings.
August 12, 2025
When I saw Deliria had a hard version (with many many trigger warnings, lol!), my interest was piqued!
I've never before read a book with so many (on-page) brutal rapes! That's for sure! 😆
The suspense of Scarlett's ultimate reasoning for (voluntarily!!) allowing herself to be abused, drugged, and be brutally (gang) raped on a daily basis... for months on end, was what kept me reading. Slowly (sometimes, for me, really too slowly), the whole story unfolded. In the end I wasn't really impressed.
What Scarlett had to endure was absolutely out of proportion to her ultimate goal. TBH, it was actually totally unbelievable! Of course I know I have to take everything I read with a pinch of salt, but this really went above and beyond. Come on... there had to be much better and quicker solutions to get her revenge?? 😉
So... all and all, an interesting read, but with very mixed feelings.
That I had to keep reading, even though the story didn't really captivate me... (I know, that may sound weird!), is something not many writers can pull off. 😉 But does that ultimately make up for the fact that the story remained very... meh?? I still have no idea... 🤔😂
Loved the ending, though.
Ellie Sanders was a new-2-me-author!
I've never before read a book with so many (on-page) brutal rapes! That's for sure! 😆
The suspense of Scarlett's ultimate reasoning for (voluntarily!!) allowing herself to be abused, drugged, and be brutally (gang) raped on a daily basis... for months on end, was what kept me reading. Slowly (sometimes, for me, really too slowly), the whole story unfolded. In the end I wasn't really impressed.
What Scarlett had to endure was absolutely out of proportion to her ultimate goal. TBH, it was actually totally unbelievable! Of course I know I have to take everything I read with a pinch of salt, but this really went above and beyond. Come on... there had to be much better and quicker solutions to get her revenge?? 😉
So... all and all, an interesting read, but with very mixed feelings.
That I had to keep reading, even though the story didn't really captivate me... (I know, that may sound weird!), is something not many writers can pull off. 😉 But does that ultimately make up for the fact that the story remained very... meh?? I still have no idea... 🤔😂
Loved the ending, though.
Ellie Sanders was a new-2-me-author!
December 2, 2025
….wow…. The first half of this story reminded me of the book Rebecca. The creepy, gothic, feverish dream vibes; except SATURATED with non/con and evil forced sharing. What’s real? Who’s the crazy one? Who’s evil? Loved when I finally got to read some female rage fight back scenes! The second half was like evil Romeo and Juliet. I wish we could have had a stronger motive or less opportune moments for her character to get out of the predicament. I get wanting to avenge family but to willingly put herself through what she did, didn’t align for me. Same with her father going along with it… I don’t understand her willingness to sacrifice herself when she had love to fight for… she wasn’t a suicidal character.
December 28, 2025
This one hurt.
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to read this book. I had seen this when only the “soft” version was out. I have yet to read that one, so I went in completely blind. This was definitely a hard read, but boy does Ellie Sanders know how to make us feel everything her characters do!
This book completely wrecked me, but now I have to go read the soft version!
Definitely makes it to one of my top 10 reads for 2025!
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to read this book. I had seen this when only the “soft” version was out. I have yet to read that one, so I went in completely blind. This was definitely a hard read, but boy does Ellie Sanders know how to make us feel everything her characters do!
This book completely wrecked me, but now I have to go read the soft version!
Definitely makes it to one of my top 10 reads for 2025!
July 6, 2025
I got what I asked for
I wanted to read something so embarrassingly dark and I got what I asked for. I read the triggers and knew there was no real HEA, but my heart broke still. After all that suffering they went through! Definitely psychologically messed up, but such a good read. Now I'm off to find a sweet romance to bring me happiness because this broke me.
I wanted to read something so embarrassingly dark and I got what I asked for. I read the triggers and knew there was no real HEA, but my heart broke still. After all that suffering they went through! Definitely psychologically messed up, but such a good read. Now I'm off to find a sweet romance to bring me happiness because this broke me.
January 3, 2026
I read the “Hard” version of this book. It had me pissed off seeing what Scarlett went through. The continued sexual abuse made my stomach turn so many times. But seeing how it was all part of the scheme she and her dad had?!? Man that was crazy. This was my first Ellie book and I really enjoyed her writing style.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 16, 2025
I really enjoyed this book. It was extremely dark and there were a lot of moments where I was sitting there saying “wtf” but I genuinely enjoyed reading this. I feel like I need to read a light fluffy book after this I will say however. The trigger list was LONG. Ellie sanders knows how to write a pitch black book no questions asked.
January 4, 2026
3.5/5
omg this was bonkers??????? i was hella confused at times like what the hell was even happening and damn this shit was dark like.... TW continuous on page brutal rape for the whole entire book.. kinda predicted the ending tho
omg this was bonkers??????? i was hella confused at times like what the hell was even happening and damn this shit was dark like.... TW continuous on page brutal rape for the whole entire book.. kinda predicted the ending tho
January 7, 2026
was absolutely unprepared for how deeply disturbing this book would be. no idea why i continued reading to the end. awful ending, but to be fair i was warned. had to take a break from reading after this, absolutely no joke
June 2, 2025
I legit finished this in one day, it was twisty and turny and I love where Ellie takes her characters and this is to me the canon ending to this story.
June 17, 2025
outstanding
This book was absolutely everything you want in a novel- the screams, the cries, the pain! All of it felt by the FMC! The MMC’s were beautifully written!
This book was absolutely everything you want in a novel- the screams, the cries, the pain! All of it felt by the FMC! The MMC’s were beautifully written!
June 22, 2025
Ellie, who allows you to write these
July 16, 2025
The storyline remains the same as the soft version, but the key moments are darker—and naturally, there’s no happily ever after.
August 15, 2025
Triggers
Take the trigger warnings very seriously.!!! This is by far the darkest book I have ever read. Something kept me reading though. I really enjoyed it though.
Take the trigger warnings very seriously.!!! This is by far the darkest book I have ever read. Something kept me reading though. I really enjoyed it though.
August 24, 2025
4.5⭐️ This book literally had me hooked from the first page!! It is dark & horrific with so most amazing plot twists that’s keeping you guessing throughout 😍 100% worth the read! (Check tw)
October 13, 2025
wow
This book is morbid, but in the best way possible. So much plotting, it’s hard to keep your head from spinning.
This book is morbid, but in the best way possible. So much plotting, it’s hard to keep your head from spinning.
December 4, 2025
really weird book
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews