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It Won't Always Be This Great: A Novel
In the crushing complacency of suburbia, mid-life crises pop in unannounced on men’s lives. For one Long Island podiatrist, it takes an impromptu act of vandalism just to make him aware of his own being. Walking home in the sub-zero wind chill of a Friday night, he stumbles on a bottle of horseradish and mindlessly hurls it through the window of a popular store selling clothes to over-sexed tweens. This one tiny, out-of-character impulse turns his life upside-down, triggering waves of terrifying fear, crooked cops, and charges of anti-Semitism.
The story is told by this same podiatrist, an endearingly wide-eyed and entirely nameless narrator, to what he regards as the perfect audience: a comatose college friend. Yet, our narrator’s most unique quality lies simply in his glowing love for his wife Alyse, the girl of his dreams whom he met in college and still can’t quite believe he managed to marry. She is the mother of his two children, Esme and Charlie, who are just starting to come into their own minds and experiencing their first encounters with prejudice.
Prior to the bottle-throwing incident, our narrator had just enough going on in his own life to keep him interested. Now friends and neighbors push his intrigue-filled existence into wildly unpredictable places, especially nineteen year old Audra Uziel, a long-time patient who’s brilliant, rebellious, and sexy, with a taste for happily married men.
And oh: Audra also happens to be the daughter of Nat Uziel, self-proclaimed community patriarch whose store window the infamous horseradish bottle demolished. Always on the lookout for anti-Semitism, Nat doesn’t know the true culprit but doesn’t let that stop him from loudly whipping his world into a frenzy, forcing our narrator into hiding in plain sight.
Pushed to the edge by his own desires, despairs, and disappointments, our narrator is about to find out what it’s like to become a criminal, and what his crucifyingly dull neighborhood looks like in the midst of continuing controversy.
The story is told by this same podiatrist, an endearingly wide-eyed and entirely nameless narrator, to what he regards as the perfect audience: a comatose college friend. Yet, our narrator’s most unique quality lies simply in his glowing love for his wife Alyse, the girl of his dreams whom he met in college and still can’t quite believe he managed to marry. She is the mother of his two children, Esme and Charlie, who are just starting to come into their own minds and experiencing their first encounters with prejudice.
Prior to the bottle-throwing incident, our narrator had just enough going on in his own life to keep him interested. Now friends and neighbors push his intrigue-filled existence into wildly unpredictable places, especially nineteen year old Audra Uziel, a long-time patient who’s brilliant, rebellious, and sexy, with a taste for happily married men.
And oh: Audra also happens to be the daughter of Nat Uziel, self-proclaimed community patriarch whose store window the infamous horseradish bottle demolished. Always on the lookout for anti-Semitism, Nat doesn’t know the true culprit but doesn’t let that stop him from loudly whipping his world into a frenzy, forcing our narrator into hiding in plain sight.
Pushed to the edge by his own desires, despairs, and disappointments, our narrator is about to find out what it’s like to become a criminal, and what his crucifyingly dull neighborhood looks like in the midst of continuing controversy.
374 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 13, 2014
10 people are currently reading
369 people want to read
About the author
Peter Mehlman
13 books25 followersAfter graduating from the University of Maryland, Peter Mehlman, a New York native, became a writer for the Washington Post. He slid to television in 1982, writing for “SportsBeat with Howard Cosell.” From 1985-90, he returned to forming full sentences as a writer for numerous national publications including The New York Times Magazine, GQ, Esquire, and a multitude of women's magazines due to his advanced understanding of that gender. In 1989, he moved to Los Angeles, where he bumped into Larry David, whom he’d met twice in New York. David, developing “a little show with Jerry Seinfeld,” invited Mehlman to submit a sample script. Having never written one, Mehlman sent a humor piece he’d written for the Times Magazine and got an assignment, which became the first Seinfeld freelance episode, “The Apartment.”
Over the eight-year run of the show, Mehlman rose to executive producer and coined such Seinfeld-isms as “Yada Yada” “spongeworthy,” “shrinkage,” and “double-dipping.”
In 1997, Mehlman joined DreamWorks and created “It’s like, you know…” a scathing look at Los Angeles. In recent years, he has written screenplays, a novel, and humor pieces for NPR, Esquire, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times, several of which were published in his collection, Mandela Was Late. In addition, he has also appeared on-camera for TNT Sports and the Webby-nominated “Peter Mehlman’s Narrow World of Sports,” while also starring in his short film Blank, for which he won best writing at the Los Angeles Comedy Festival. He is the author of the short story collection, Mandela Was Late, and the novel, It Won’t Always Be This Great.
He lives in Los Angeles.
Over the eight-year run of the show, Mehlman rose to executive producer and coined such Seinfeld-isms as “Yada Yada” “spongeworthy,” “shrinkage,” and “double-dipping.”
In 1997, Mehlman joined DreamWorks and created “It’s like, you know…” a scathing look at Los Angeles. In recent years, he has written screenplays, a novel, and humor pieces for NPR, Esquire, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Los Angeles Times, several of which were published in his collection, Mandela Was Late. In addition, he has also appeared on-camera for TNT Sports and the Webby-nominated “Peter Mehlman’s Narrow World of Sports,” while also starring in his short film Blank, for which he won best writing at the Los Angeles Comedy Festival. He is the author of the short story collection, Mandela Was Late, and the novel, It Won’t Always Be This Great.
He lives in Los Angeles.
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
October 15, 2015
Wicked, New Yorker type humor. Well written (this is the author's first fiction, but he has lots of muscle behind him and worked on Larry David's show) with an interesting plot. Lots or irony, sarcasm, and the like. If you liked Seinfeld or Larry David there is a good chance you'd enjoy this as well. I laughed most of the way through it.
January 3, 2016
The most purely enjoyable book I've read in years. The man behind such classic Seinfeldisms as “Yada Yada” “spongeworthy,” “shrinkage,” and “double-dipping” has produced a hilarious and poignant debut novel pitched somewhere between Portnoy's Complaint and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Rarely have so many observations resonated with me in a work of fiction and the jokes, as you'd expect, are outstanding. What was more surprising is quite how touching the whole thing is. This is an absolute must read for Seinfeld fans or anyone who has a penchant for comic novels.
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January 4, 2015Technically, I read finished this one in 2014. In case anybody cares about my stats. . . .
December 16, 2022
I picked up this book after reading a little about it. Story of an average guy whose life suddenly changes after a rash act. As I was reading the voice of Larry David from "Curb your enthusiasm" was in my head. I do kinda like the show. This author is a friend and colleague of Larry David. I found his humor wearing and preferred it when he stuck to the plot. It was and interesting concept of how extremists (circa 2012) operate in the US and spectrum of extremism. What was frustrating was the concept of the average guy but he is so annoying he deserves the chaos in his life. But no one deserves the chaos that extremists present to this country.
March 24, 2018
very funny, some great observational humour as you'd expect from Peter Mehlmann, but perhaps too many passaged that didn't really relate to the story line. on a Seinfeld episode they'd be great but in the book you just want to skip through to get to the main agenda.
June 20, 2020
Quite a few laughs. Really enjoyed the writing style. One of those books I could really create characters for in my mind.
October 9, 2014
It Won’t Always Be This Great by Peter Mehlman is the story of a nameless Long Island podiatrist who stumbles on a bottle of kosher horseradish on a Friday night after sundown in a predominately Jewish neighbourhood. It’s cold, and the podiatrist can’t be seen in a car for fear of losing his Orthodox clientele. In an uncustomary fit of anger, he whips the bottle through a store window. The store happens to belong to a prominent Orthodox Jewish businessperson. The nameless podiatrist doesn’t own up to the incident. Instead, he does the unexpected and runs off. And so begins the mid-life adventure that turns the once complacent and starchy suburb into a frenzy of anti-Semitism, involves crooked police, cardboard FBI agents, a deep-throat type journalistic exchange, and our nameless podiatrist going through one cover-up after another, including an unusual relationship (which he thinks might amount to a fling) with the rebellious daughter of the Orthodox Jewish businessperson.
It Won’t Always Be This Great sounds like the romp-filled adventure of a middle-aged man going through some midlife fun, but Peter Mehlman of Seinfeld fame, concentrates more on the nameless narrator and the stream of his thoughts, observations, backstory and asides than the actual romp. The novel has lots of wit, humour, one-liners, and personal observations of the world and the people around the nameless narrator, which are entertaining but often overdone or irrelevant to any storyline or character. I found myself laughing out loud at times, sometimes cringing at the boldness of the observations, but also losing sight of the story and interest in the narrator, the other characters, and the story. Sometimes, I didn’t find the humour at all and wondered about the significance. The narrator, for instance, recounts his story to someone named “Commie”. At first I thought “Commie” was me the reader, who had been given this name for some reason, which I would eventually come to know. But well into the book I discovered that the “Commie” the narrator was addressing was a comatose friend, who had been struck by lightning. The nameless podiatrist wants the horseradish incident to remain a secret and has found the perfect person to keep his secret, but I didn’t see either the need or the humour. Maybe another reader will.
It Won’t Always Be This Great reads like a stand-up comic’s monologue. It’s big on entertainment value but short on story.
Reviewed for Bookpleasures.com
It Won’t Always Be This Great sounds like the romp-filled adventure of a middle-aged man going through some midlife fun, but Peter Mehlman of Seinfeld fame, concentrates more on the nameless narrator and the stream of his thoughts, observations, backstory and asides than the actual romp. The novel has lots of wit, humour, one-liners, and personal observations of the world and the people around the nameless narrator, which are entertaining but often overdone or irrelevant to any storyline or character. I found myself laughing out loud at times, sometimes cringing at the boldness of the observations, but also losing sight of the story and interest in the narrator, the other characters, and the story. Sometimes, I didn’t find the humour at all and wondered about the significance. The narrator, for instance, recounts his story to someone named “Commie”. At first I thought “Commie” was me the reader, who had been given this name for some reason, which I would eventually come to know. But well into the book I discovered that the “Commie” the narrator was addressing was a comatose friend, who had been struck by lightning. The nameless podiatrist wants the horseradish incident to remain a secret and has found the perfect person to keep his secret, but I didn’t see either the need or the humour. Maybe another reader will.
It Won’t Always Be This Great reads like a stand-up comic’s monologue. It’s big on entertainment value but short on story.
Reviewed for Bookpleasures.com
May 18, 2015
This is a first novel from a writer whose background includes longtime writing for the tv show “Seinfeld,” which gives one an inkling of what will be found in its pages:. Its plot is somewhat hard to describe, for it consists of a tale told by its protagonist, to a friend, the identity of whom is made known to the reader only very gradually. Suffice it to say that the latter has known since their college days at Baltimore University. The story he is relating (at what even he describes as being at a “ridiculously slow pace”) is a series of events which took place the previous December and unfolded over a period of days, events triggered by a moment of rage on his part. To say the least, it is non-sequential, which can be seen by its chapter titles: “Friday, Then and Now,” “Saturday Then,” “Saturday Now,” “Sunday Then,” “Monday Then,” “Sunday Now,” and “Tuesday Then.”
Our nameless protag is a podiatrist, now 51 years old, married for over 20 years to the former Alyse Epstein, from whom he grew up “fifteen miles and ten income tax brackets apart.” They have 2 children, and live in a community on Long Island whose population is primarily Jewish. The kids go to “public school because I wanted my kids to meet a black person before they turned thirty.” Those two things – the religious affiliation and the racial reference - - are important to the tale, but in a very funny way. The story itself is nearly impossible to sum up without spoilers; suffice it to say that it involves, among other things, cops, reporters, hate groups and the FBI.
This book was a welcome change of pace for this reader, after the more common fare of thrillers and suspense novels, and was an absolute delight. There are many laugh-out-loud moments, and I found myself still smiling several minutes after I’d put down the book for sundry necessary tasks, such as eating. But otherwise I didn’t want to put it down at all. It is highly recommended.
Our nameless protag is a podiatrist, now 51 years old, married for over 20 years to the former Alyse Epstein, from whom he grew up “fifteen miles and ten income tax brackets apart.” They have 2 children, and live in a community on Long Island whose population is primarily Jewish. The kids go to “public school because I wanted my kids to meet a black person before they turned thirty.” Those two things – the religious affiliation and the racial reference - - are important to the tale, but in a very funny way. The story itself is nearly impossible to sum up without spoilers; suffice it to say that it involves, among other things, cops, reporters, hate groups and the FBI.
This book was a welcome change of pace for this reader, after the more common fare of thrillers and suspense novels, and was an absolute delight. There are many laugh-out-loud moments, and I found myself still smiling several minutes after I’d put down the book for sundry necessary tasks, such as eating. But otherwise I didn’t want to put it down at all. It is highly recommended.
June 1, 2015
I started out hating this book. I didn't care for the narration or the superfluous details. And being a half- Sri Lankan half Eastern European Catholic, I almost felt like I was intruding on him by reading a book about, among other things, primarily being Jewish. That being said, it grew on me and I thought it was witty and hilarious. I liked the narrator's relationship with his wife, and I liked the way the story ended. So while I wouldn't pick it up again, it's decent and fun.
I got this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
I got this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
February 3, 2015
I loved it so much and it was so Larry David like butttttt, the ending sucked. Why did it end like that, did they need to cut the book shorter? very unsatisfying and un-Sienfeld. the neat thing about every episode of Seinfeld was you know you were being taken down the rosepath, one diversion after another, but it always tied up in the end. This did not. So disappointed because I loved it so much until the end.
October 22, 2016
This book is unlike anything I've read before. It's hilarious, poignant, familial, engaging, and utterly original. If you're a fan of Seinfeld or great Woody Allen films, this is the book for you. But even if you're not, the simultaneously hilarious and serious storyline will keep you interested. The narration style is unique and captivating, and you'll want to stick with him until the very end. I couldn't put it down.
December 30, 2014
I wasn't sure if I found this a waste of time or not.
Was a bit funny, in an uncomfortable way - the spoof on the 5 Towns, a bit poignant - the main character's relationship with his friend.
Mehlman was a writer for Seinfeld, which I didn't much like. It's that kind of voice, that kind of humor. If you like that, you might like this.
Was a bit funny, in an uncomfortable way - the spoof on the 5 Towns, a bit poignant - the main character's relationship with his friend.
Mehlman was a writer for Seinfeld, which I didn't much like. It's that kind of voice, that kind of humor. If you like that, you might like this.
June 18, 2015
The author used to write episodes of Seinfeld, so it's no surprise that this book is entertaining. In addition to humor, it provides reflection on marriage, parenthood, religion, culture, religion versus culture, and life.
Mehlman needed a better proofreader (nothing whips me out of a narrative as violently as misused pronouns).
Mehlman needed a better proofreader (nothing whips me out of a narrative as violently as misused pronouns).
September 30, 2015
Almost abandoned it about half way through but then decided I really wanted to know how the situation would resolve itself. Couldn't really get on board with the narration device (found the one used in "Where'd you go, Bernadette?' much more effective).
March 13, 2015
Really 3.5, but at least I finished it, which is more than I can say for most books lately. Laugh-out-loud funny at parts, just stupid at others. Plot doesn't resolve, more like devolves... A 300 pg Seinfeld episode.
April 17, 2015
I wanted a funny book after a few more serious ones. This was perfect and funny! I don't know that I have ever laughed out loud at a book! I was a Seinfeld fan...this is Seinfeld funny. I wanted him to continue the story. Good writing...great entertainment.
November 19, 2014
The mundane life of a Long Island podiatrist turned humorously exciting will keep readers turning pages.
November 7, 2014
Absolutely laugh out loud funny. I couldn't believe he could sustain it
January 20, 2015
Loved this book. And loved getting a response from the author to my tweet!
December 7, 2014
Hilarious and heart-warming.
January 2, 2015
Hilarious, laugh out loud funny. If you were a fan of Seinfeld humor, you'll love this book.A total original.
February 5, 2015
Fun book but a stupid ending. I like things nicely tied up, not just left hanging as if another sentence should follow.
April 29, 2015
This was a really fun, yet surprisingly heartfelt, read. Like Seinfeld but with better people.
December 30, 2015
Summer Reading Book #2---Hysterically funny...great characters!
December 15, 2015
The author, one of the first writers of Seinfeld, has a wickedly cynical, clever take on life. A very enjoyable read.
January 7, 2015
Eh. It wasn't horrible but I kept wanting it to be over. Should have been about 75 pages shorter.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews