White Dresses: A Memoir of Love and Secrets, Mothers and Daughters

by Mary Pflum Peterson

In this riveting, poignant memoir of  three generations of women and the white dresses that adorned them—television producer Mary Pflum Peterson recounts a journey through loss and redemption, and her battle to rescue her mother, a former nun, from compulsive hoarding. As a successful television journalist at Good Morning America, Mary Pflum is known as a polished and highly organized producer. It’s a persona at odds with her tortured childhood, where she watched her emotionally vulnerable mother fill their house with teetering piles of assorted “treasures.” But one thing has always united mother and daughter—their love of white dresses. From the dress worn by Mary’s mother when she became a nun and married Jesus, to the wedding gown she donned years later, to the special nightshirts she gifted Mary after the birth of her children, to graduation dresses and christening gowns, these white dresses embodied hope and new beginnings. After her mother’s sudden death in 2010, Mary digs deep to understand the events that led to Anne’s unraveling. At twenty-one, Anne entered a convent, committed to a life of prayer and helping others. But lengthy periods of enforced fasting, isolation from her beloved students, and constant humiliation eventually drove her to flee the convent almost a decade later. Hoping to find new purpose as a wife and mother, Anne instead married an abusive, closeted gay man—their eventual divorce another sign of her failure. Anne retreats into chaos. By the time Mary is ten, their house is cluttered with broken appliances and stacks of unopened mail. Anne promises but fails to clean up for Mary’s high school graduation party, where Mary is being honored as her school’s valedictorian, causing her perfectionist daughter’s fear and shame to grow in tandem with the heaps upon heaps of junk. In spite of everything, their bond endures. Through the white dresses, pivotal events in their lives are celebrated, even as Mary tries in vain to save Anne from herself.  Unflinchingly honest, insightful, and compelling, White Dresses is a beautiful, powerful story—and a reminder of the unbreakable bonds between mothers and daughters. 

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Book Club, Biography, Biography Memoir, Autobiography, Audiobook

352 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2015

About the author

Mary Pflum Peterson is a veteran multi-Emmy-Award winning producer at Good Morning America. Her work has taken her to the ravaged remains of New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, to the royal wedding in London and to numerous Oscar ceremonies in between. Pflum Peterson was also a producer and reporter for CNN, where, from her post in Istanbul, she traveled in and out of numerous warzones. She lives in Manhattan with her husband, Dean, and their four young children.

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

This premise is good, and the white dress theme is a pretty clever (though at times, a bit tenuous) device to tie it all together. However, I felt like the execution came a little undone due to the writer being a bit overly fascinated with her family (yet oddly, not as much so with her mother's apparent mental illness). The way she kept using her mother's full name over and over felt like she was viewing her, and expecting readers to view her, with a reverence that seemed a little overwrought. That paled in comparison, though, to how amazed the author seems to be with herself. Rightly so, to an extent--she has done some impressive things and has overcome some obstacles--but she does not trust her readers to figure that out. In one brief four-sentence span about her high school experiences, she uses the word "accomplished" THREE times. Once is as a verb, and twice is as an adjective to describe her teenage self. Usually "accomplished" is not a word people use to describe themselves, but especially not to describe themselves in high school! Ironically considering the repetitive wording, one use was in specific reference to herself as a writer. I noticed this tendency (to use the same word several times within a couple paragraphs) a number of times in this book.
The degree to which she is pleased with herself also extended to her physical characteristics, many of which get lovingly described for readers, although I couldn't figure out what that had to do with anything. I have read several books since this one, so I don't recall all the physical attributes that get a shout-out, but I remember that there were a lot, including her "spun-gold" hair and her incredibly long legs. She validates her self-assessment of her beauty by alluding to various men throwing themselves at her, practically dying to marry her. And speaking of marriage, rest assured that she looked unbelievable on her wedding day. She can tell you more about that, if you care. She came across as so in awe of her own beauty (again, I didn't see how this mattered to the plot/themes) that I actually googled her, just to see this what this amazing, otherworldly goddess looks like.
Ultimately, though she does have a lot to be proud of in terms of what she has done in life, her fascination with herself and superficial things took me away from the heart of the book (her mom) and left me thinking that it was she, not I, who missed the point.

[Charlene · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do yourself a favor and read Coming Clean by Kimberly Rae Miller instead. Because of its subject matter, this book had real potential, but even when relating the most interesting parts there was very little insight or ability to bring a story to life and let that story connect with the reader.

This author tried to provide a sweeping history of her parents lives from the time they were born, with a focus on her mother who became a hoarder. Her mother had been a nun prior to meeting her father. Her father was a closeted gay man in the 70s who was trying very hard to get through life as a straight married man. When he finally came out, after wanting to kill himself because of his double life, he felt such hatred for himself. It was actually her mother -- the woman who was hurt by this news the most because it upended her life and sewed the seeds of chaos that would only grow from there -- who helped him find love and acceptance. The author herself went on to become valedictorian of her high school, study at Cornell, get a job at CNN and later the Today Show. With such credentials, I imagined she would be a great writer. But it all felt very shallow, despite the incredible material at her disposal.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Pflum Peterson opens her emotionally moving memoir White Dresses as she is frantically searching through her mother's closet for the white dresses that marked the most memorable days of her life, such as her Communion dress, and her high school graduation dress.

But her mother's closet was not like most of our mother's closets. Mary's mother Anne Diener Pflum was a hoarder. For over twenty years, she didn't throw anything away. The home was filled with broken appliances, bags of trash, dead animals, piles of clothes, newspapers and years of unopened mail. Mary could barely make it up the stairs to get to the closet.

Like most hoarders, there was a mental illness behind Anne's hoarding behavior. Mary sets out to discover what in her mother's life caused her to become a hoarder, and she writes her mother's story with such a compassionately clear eye that White Dresses is one of the most compelling memoirs I have ever read.

Anne grew up in a strict Catholic family, with a father she wanted attention from and a mother who only wanted the attention of her husband. Anne's mother had five miscarriages after she had had five babies in six years, Anne being the oldest.

The first trauma in Anne's life came when her mother decided it was time to throw away young Anne's security blanket. Anne considered the blanket her friend and couldn't believe that her mother took it away from her.

Anne was a good student, and was excited to be able to go away to college. She thrived there, studying hard, making good friends and finding a boyfriend she adored. Then her boyfriend transferred to a different school and Anne fell into a terrible depression and returned home.

Her parents didn't know what to do with her, other than pray, and soon Anne decided to enter the convent like her younger sister did. Her family was shocked, but they let her go.

Life at the convent was very difficult, and not a good solution for a young woman suffering from depression. Anne became seriously ill, and if not for the intervention of a young priest who insisted that the nuns take Anne to a hospital, she would have died.

Eventually Anne left the convent and returned to college. There she met Dale and as she was getting on in age and wanted a family, she ignored signs that she shouldn't have, and she married Dale over the objection of the priest who saved her life.

Anne and Dale had two children, Mary and Anthony. Life as a family was difficult, even more so when Dale finally told Anne that he was gay and wanted a divorce. Left with two young children, Anne began her hoarding behavior that would only worsen over the years.

Mary talks to her aunts and uncles and learns things about her mother that she didn't know. One thing that White Dresses will encourage you to do is to talk to your parents to find out what their life was like before they became your mom and dad. It reminds us that they had interesting, and sometimes sad, lives that we may know little about.

Mary Pflum tells her mother's story and her own through the white dresses that mark the major milestones in their lives. Wearing white meant a new beginning, a cleansing for your life. Saving those dresses was important to Mary because even if she couldn't save her mother from her hoarding behavior, she could at least save the dresses they shared.

You can feel the sadness and frustration that Mary feels about her mother, but you can also feel her love and compassion as well. Mary loves her mother and even when she is disappointed in her behavior, that love is evident. I give White Dresses my highest recommendation and it would make a wonderful book to share with your mother and with your book club.

[Nathalie Bakelandt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genoten van dit boek. Ik vond het een indringend relaas tussen een moeder en haar dochter.

[Bridget · Rating 2 out of 5]

My review of this book is mixed. I thought it would be a solid three star book when I started it, and the true story itself about the author's mother was interesting and touching. Plus, it was relatable in that my mom was born the same month and year as the author's mother and I am just a bit younger than the author. Our mothers seemed to have similar personalities in that both were selfless and cared most for their children's happiness over their own. They also passed away about the same time. Other relatable portions of the story were faith, church, midwest living, and the ways depression can manifest. Why did I knock it down to two stars? For one thing, it was a sort of written dryly. The big reason for marking it down from three to two stars was because of some things the author inlcuded that really had nothing to do with the story of her relationship with her mother, and frankly made her come off as arrogant and conceited. Did we have to read about how so many men pursued her during her young adulthood, showering her with gifts, begging loudly and longly, called her a tease, and told her that she had "driven them to" having "a horribly painful physical condition called blue balls"? Or that when she tried on her wedding gown, others gathered around her and "burst into applause", "cried", wanted to take her picture, told her how lucky she was to have the figure to pull off that gown? They even left the bride to be that they came with "to fend for herself and gathered around..to ooh and ahh". The author throws in one jab at the other bride to be, too, commenting that the gown she was trying on "wasn't particularly flattering on her pear shaped figure." If that wasn't enough, the reader is told later by the author that she has "perky breasts" and 'toned legs". Couple this with her constant mention of high end brands , and her comments about her mother shopping for clothes at big box stores like Shopko and Walmart as if that was below her, the author seems very arrogant, indeed, as well as narcissistic. One other thing was unnecessary, too. I realize that she was describing how consumating the marriage is tied in with Catholicism, and was thus important to her mother, but, really, there are just some things that should remain private and sacred. In ths case, her father's abiity to achieve and maintain an erection and ejaculate. Eww! TMI about your parents. Heck, she should not even know about that situation, much less write about it. The end of the book gets back on track and is much better, although very sad because at that point her mother passes away and we learn of the extent of her hoarding and the author's brother's reaction. It ends on a beauful note with the retrieving of the white dresses from her mother's home, and the letters her mother shared with a beloved priest. I am glad I got this book from the libray rather than purchasing.

[Sallie Dunn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. But there is something about it that I’m trying to put my finger on. The author is the daughter of the lady about whom this book is written. Maybe I’m wrong; the book is about both of them. But it comes off somewhat arrogant. Poor midwestern girl with tough childhood makes good, becomes successful Emmy award winning producer, and Momma back home is wallowing in her miserable hoarding tendency life. And the successful Emmy award winning daughter just can’t help her. Should be a great story; just a little too much braggadocio on the daughter’s part for me.

[PlathFan1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a feminist and recovering Catholic, I applaud the author's strong effort (and strong will!) to evenhandedly describe a remarkable woman, her mother, Anne. The poignant moments are frequent and the clear writing really brought them home. Five Stars.

[Joanne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Several of my favorite books ever are memoirs of turbulent childhoods. I adored Angela’s Ashes and The Glass Castle because despite these children having parents that were completely feckless or somehow damaged, they loved them anyway and that love shone through the pages.

I had the same hopes for White Dresses after reading its book description. But no warm fuzzies from this one! Something about this book seemed opportunistic to me. The details were inappropriately intimate and to me, would be quite hurtful to these parents if they had lived to see such graphic descriptions of the things in which they held the most hidden shame of their lives would be published in a book. I’m sad for them.

I actively disliked this book. I wish I could give a zero star rating, but y’all might think I forgot to log my stars-sort of like those folks who leave a penny so that the waitress knows you didn’t forget to tip. Thumbs down.

[Ilse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eigenlijk puur toeval dat ik dit boek gelezen heb ... ik keek in de bib eventjes bij de net terug gebrachte boeken en dit boek sprong er qua cover en titel tussen uit. Toen ik de achterflap gelezen had, was ik al overtuigd om dit waargebeurde verhaal te ontdekken.

Het verhaal beschrijft het bijzondere leven van Mary en haar moeder Anne. Je kan je niet voorstellen hoeveel emoties er in dit verhaal spelen: gaande van blijdschap naar verdriet tot woede ... Op de één of andere manier blijft dit verhaal fascineren en wil je ongehinderd verder lezen. Het heeft me geïntrigeerd en zal me zeker bijblijven!

Aanrader voor wie houdt van het genre.

[Bonnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary Pflum Peterson is a veteran multi-Emmy-Award winning producer at Good Morning America.She also worked for CNN
A story of a mother & daughter that is both happy & sad.

[Juli Hoffman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Flat, Bittersweet Memoir

This memoir was somewhat enjoyable, but like other reviewers, I felt that the style of writing changed as the story progressed. I kept waiting for the story to get to the interesting part, but that never really happened.

We start with the narrator/author in the present day, but then the book abruptly takes us to the past. We go from the lives of the grandparents, through the mother's life, to the narrator's, and on to the mother's death. But...there was something missing. I think there were too many facts, not enough emotions. I never emphasized with the narrator/author. I tried to understand where she was coming from, but she held too much back, emotions wise. The results were a narrator that often came across as selfish. The author had a brother, but we only hear about him as a child and at the end of the book, after the mother's death. Why did the author's deadbeat dad get so much time on the page, yet her brother got almost no mention? Were the siblings so estranged that the author glossed over her own brother's existence? That's the problem with writing a memoir verses fiction. The author only knows her side of things, her point of view, yet she has attempted to write what other family member were thinking in the past. It took away from the story, the author's story. Instead of empathy with the author, I was annoyed with her. Too much poor me, not enough emotion. Too much telling, not enough showing. I know it takes guts to allow strangers into your personal life, but if you're going to do so, do it all the way or not at all. I never felt sad when anything bad happened to any of the characters, no tears, nothing.

I have experience with hoarders, so maybe that came into play while reading. The mother's hoarding didn't come across as shocking. The author acting like a robot, yeah...that was annoying. Unfortunately, the author wrote herself as a cold, insensitive person. Maybe if she'd dug a little deeper, she could have allowed the readers to mourn WITH her. As this story stands, it just feels flat. Instead of feeling sorry for the author, I'm disappointed in her. It's a shame someone didn't say something to the author BEFORE this book was published. The author obviously has great writing skills, but she didn't seem to be able to separate the character of herself from her actual self. Perhaps this would account for the lack of emotional detail.

[Sylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love stories of dysfunctional families where people manage to survive or even thrive. In this memoir, Mary’s mother is the main focus. And Mary’s love for her through all the craziness is amazing. White dresses are symbols of possibility and throughout both Mary’s and her mothers life mark the moments of change. We’ll written, intriguing and though provoking.

[Jenny · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was one of those books that I thought I was going to like but just couldn’t fully get into. In this memoir, Mary Pflum Peterson, a former CNN reporter and current Good Morning America producer, uses a series of white dresses to anchor a set of stories about herself and her mother, Anne Diener Pflum. We read descriptions of baptismal outfits, communion dresses, and wedding gowns, but we also learn about the lives of these two women—their joys and a lot of their sorrows.

It’s an interesting structure that gets annoying after a while—each chapter begins with a “created” scene involving a white dress and then Peterson backtracks and tells the story, more traditional memoir style, of the events leading up to and stemming from that moment. As a reader, I felt much more interested in Anne’s story; she grew up in a strict Catholic family in Indiana and worked hard for (but never seemed to get) her mother’s approval. She struggled with depression but was still able to leave her small town and go to college. However, a difficult break up and another bout of depression led her to the convent for a time.

These experiences plant the seeds for future problems even as Anne marries, moves to Wisconsin, and becomes a devoted and caring mother, who strives to give her two kids the love and support she felt she lacked growing up. Both mother and daughter face challenges over the years and Peterson does a good job of showing how the problem of her mother’s hoarding starts small but grows into a condition with devastating consequences.

Still, I have to say I found Mary Pflum Peterson less interesting and I found myself skimming over stories of her love of frilly dresses, her incredible adventures as a young reporter for CNN, and her dating life. As Mary grows older, changes jobs, meets her husband, and begins to have a family, her mother’s condition becomes worse and the family home becomes a prison for Anne, one that she feels she can’t leave or let people into.

The memoir begins and ends with the same story—Mary carefully working her way through teetering piles of stuff in her mother’s home, after her mother has died, hoping to find these important white dresses—that stand for powerful moments in both their lives. I understand Mary’s urge to recover these dresses even as I am kind of dismayed by it and that’s a good analogy for how I felt about the whole book.

[Amanda Weeder · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find myself reading memoirs because I'm interested in how varied and fascinating people's lives can be. I don't expect to learn any profound lessons from them, it's just a journey into an interesting life. On that, this memoir excels. The mother's story is incredibly fascinating -- being the oldest child of a distant mother more interested in her husband and books than her multiple children; experiencing profound heartbreak and depression; becoming a nun in search of purpose and meaning and finding rigidity and oppression; marrying a man hoping for children and stability only to be abused and abandoned; fighting and losing an ongoing battle with depression and hoarding.

Those parts of the book were worth four stars. But I didn't like the writing style of the daughter -- dramatic chapter introductions and TMI on everything personal. Once the mother's story started to be overtaken by the daughter's story the book lost my interest. The way the author wrote about herself seemed immature and, again, overly dramatic. Too bad she didn't just stick to her mother's remarkable life.

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was beautifully written and deeply honest. Unfortunately, it wasn't interesting.
Reading the positive reviews for it, I wonder if it appeals to Catholic women who participated in the "white dress" mythology the book was structured around.

That's not me.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

In book “White Dresses,” author Mary Pflum Peterson uses a clever device: she takes us through her mother’s and her stories, centered around a series of white dresses they wore; at baptism, graduation, jobs, and weddings. This book pays testament to my belief that pretty much anyone has an interesting story to tell, if you’ll just listen.

Mary’s mom, Anne, does indeed. She grew up in Dunkirk, Indiana, with parents who were overall caring, but her mom was a bit overwhelmed by her many children (Anne being the oldest). Anne is impressive, chosen for Hoosier Girls State where she is the sole girl from 500 there chosen to go on to Girls Nation in Washington, DC, meeting President Truman. The family is Catholic, and a college romance that ends badly convinces Anne that she should head to the convent. There, she has a pretty brutal decade as a nun, before leaving. She marries and has children, but learns eventually that her husband is gay. They divorce, and her ex fully embraces the gay lifestyle with a series of relationships.

We then learn about her daughter, the book’s author Mary, who is an achiever: class valedictorian, heads to college to study journalism and gets an internship at CNN where she is sent all over the world, even (I was drooling here) to cover William and Kate’s wedding and other events. Mary marries, more successfully than her mother did, and the end of the book covers her mom’s decline into hoarding even as she keeps up a teaching career with special needs kids. Anne’s sudden death plunges Mary into a retrospective on both their lives and how things might have gone differently.

This book definitely kept me reading. I wanted to know what would happen next! I did, though, have some issues with it. The author had a habit of sharing things that I felt should definitely have been kept private. She shares her dad’s comment that “I couldn’t perform on the honeymoon. I couldn’t come close to performing.” On her own wedding day, Mary describes her “spun gold” hair and writes “My lips shone in a sexy dark pout that stopped shy of being red. And the false lashes that Marie had added to the corners of my eyes were just right. They made my already long lashes appear fuller, sexier. Seductive without being too over-the-top.” Indeed, when Mary originally shops for her wedding dress, a group of onlookers in the shop “spontaneously burst into applause. One of them even cried” at her appearance, asking if they can take her picture and also if she’d always known she wanted to wear something “this sexy.” She then shares that the poor woman they’d come with, who was also trying on gowns, was wearing one not “particularly flattering on her pear-shaped figure.” Who would write this in a book?! Later she shares that “lovemaking came easily and frequently” between her and one boyfriend (and she lets us know that there were many of these!). Yet she then tells us that this relationship was “simple and sweet and pure.” I’m not sure we share the same definition of “pure.” One chapter starts out with her checking herself out in a mirror while pregnant, noting her “perky breast and toned legs.” Just a lot of this type thing.

She also came across over and over as bragging. I get it; she’s smart and has accomplished a lot in her life and career. Still, did she need to share that in high school she “collected a myriad of awards: two more four-year scholarships, the top English department award, the John Philip Sousa Award. The list went on. By evening’s end, my arms were overflowing with checks and certificates and trophies and flowers and diplomas.” Curious that she’d have more than one diploma? She plunges right on into college, where “in spite of the demanding work schedule, I still managed to graduate summa cum laude without ever getting anything less than an A in any of my classes.” In a way, I get it: I’m an achiever too. But all this just came across as off-putting.

I tried to push this type thing to the side and focus on the good bits, like wisdom from Mary’s mom. She asks Mary, “Why would you want to be friends with people who don’t want to be friends with you? The problem, sweetheart, is that they see the world in different colors than you do.” Anne “was not her mother’s idea of a mother. She was the mother she’d always wanted for herself: encouraging, supportive, warm.”

To sum up: this is a very compelling book, especially the story of Mary’s mom Anne. The messenger, though, was a turn-off for me and the book was just “meh” overall due to that.

[Susy Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book as a birthday gift for my sister-in-law, because it's about mothers and daughters and because she will face a similar hoarding situation as Mary (the author) did. I decided to read it for fun and to make sure it wasn't going to offend her. I loved it!

It was good for me to read this and learn about her story of dealing with a hoarding parent and what else is going on in their mind/life and also realize that there are still amazingly beautiful qualities about the person. This will help me, help my husband as his whole family will have to deal with this problem some day. And as a person who lost my mother too early in life, I will never have to face something like this (nor would I even is she were still alive because she was a neat freak).

I fell in love with the beautiful relationship Mary had with her mother, Anne and it makes me want to strive to have that same mother-daughter relationship with my daughter. Besides the fact that Mary tells a great story about her life and journey. All of it was fascinating. I hope my sister-in-law can take away a similar outlook. And who doesn't love a good white dress!

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting memoir of the lives of a mother & daughter. Horrifyingly fascinating info about life as a nun in the 50’s & 60’s. This abusive experience may have been the catalyst for the author’s mom’s descent into lifelong depression and eventually debilitating hoarding. Or maybe it was the devastation of finding out she had married a gay man and facing the humiliation of a divorce at a time when divorce was not acceptable, especially in the Catholic Church. Growing up in the shadow of her mom’s (and Dad’s) depression, and in a house slowly filling with junk, led to a difficult childhood and even adulthood for the author. But Mary never stopped loving her mom through it all, even when her mom just wasn’t there for her, and even when she could not understand why her mom wouldn’t let anyone help her.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. It was interesting, but I wasn’t totally drawn to the book all the time. The author has lived a very interesting and exciting life compared to her mother. Anne, the author’s mother, has certainly lived a life of hardship and heartbreak. I must agree that mothers try their best to give the best life for their daughters. Anne certainly strived to give a life she couldn’t live to Mary. It was shocking to read how Mary’s father had to live a double life as a gay man. How we need to appreciate the times we live in today as there is more freedom. The hoarding portion was also surprising and didn’t realize how people hoard due to depression.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do to lack of time, I was slow to get into this book, but once I did, I couldn’t put it down. I did not relate to the white dresses, but the mother/daughter relationship was fascinating to read. And so much more about adolescents, relationships, and conviction to faith.

I highly recommend this book for its excellent writing and insights on many different levels. What an interesting writer. I also really enjoyed her descriptions of life in the mid-west, NYC, and internationally as a journalist.

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a nice memoir. There were some sweet relationships in this book that I enjoyed. I also enjoyed listening to the author (audio book) and liked the point of view(s). This book also looked at the relationship between a mother and daughter and mental health issues. I feel like the females in this book were strong but real too (with real, honest struggles).

3.5 rounded up to 4 stars.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was surprisingly compelling. While my situation wasn't quite the same growing up, I recognized the depression/sadness/deep faith I saw my mother go through. it's always a bonus when a book is set in your home state; the setting of Beaver Dam, Wisconsin, isn't terribly far from my hometown. I felt Mary's despair about not being able to help her mother enough, and for wanting to get away, but also loving her. Also had no idea the drudgery of life in a convent!

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book, I am not Catholic don’t like white dresses (too pale) but I am a Mother. I felt the family pain, depression, complicated love and faith. Sad book but surprisingly uplifting. Great book and it makes me want to clean my basement.

[Loni · Rating 5 out of 5]

No White Washing Here.

Powerful book!. Pflum is so honest about her family and her mother's mental health issues. I was startled to read how stark and cruel her time was in the nunnery. That was an eye opener for me. It was certainly not the convent from that Sound of Music. I loved the format of the book and want to recommend this book to others. A really great read.

[Sandy Klusmeyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a very good read, kept you interested and wanting to read more. Hoarding has always tweeted my curiosity and I always feel so sad for the children who are in those sad surroundings. I'm sure it is a hard thing to share also, but everyone has a story, thanks for sharing yours.

[Maureen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a wonderful, touching, heartfelt story. This book was great.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was not what I expected. I can't wait to share it with book club. Lots to talk about. I thought it was as good as Wall's Glass Castles.

[S Kudelka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written. Interesting format to highlight each phase of memoir around one of many white dresses worn by the subjects of this book. This structure allowed author to delve into some thorny topics without going into too many details which may have bogged down the narrative. In general an uplifting account of the indomitable spirit a person possesses despite very difficult set backs.

[Libbie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This memoir kept me uncomfortably off-balance throughout the reading. I discovered upon finishing the book that these had been individual essays gathered together which I assume accounted for the lack of flow and seemingly different narrative voices. Mother-daughter relationships aren't always smooth sailing, and those inside Pflum's life certainly weren't. I felt that she hadn't much positive to say about her mom until the "Afterward" where she poured out endless glowing compliments like this possibly had been her eulogy for her mom. While the theme of important white dresses was a nice unifying touch, the vivid descriptions of each felt out of place threaded throughout such chaos, sadness, and misery.

I will admit that her mom's hoarding was indeed compelling-yet-disturbing, but I was astonished she and her brother hadn't gotten her counseling at its onset. Also, her mom's depression could have been managed with counseling and possibly medication. Plus the horrid stench that was in the house and even in the baby clothes sent as gifts---how did her mom not smell? How would she be so beloved by so many and still be actively teaching children into her mid-70s if she smelled as horribly as the home she lived in? And no working toilets or showers? That idea puzzled me as I was reading about the disgusting smell. Writing these essays hopefully helped the author work through all of these relationships.

[Raven Haired Girl]

Mary Pflum Petersen tells her mother’s story and her own through the white dresses marking major events in their lives. Mary couldn’t rescue her mother from eventual hoarding, however she managed to pull the meaningful white dresses out of the horrific wreckage.

Wow, I must say my heart broke for Ann. A beautiful soul suffering harsh emotional blows eventually and slowly taking a toll. So sad to read of her increasing hoarding behavior, stops you in your tracks. Mary’s anguish is evident and my heart broke for her as well. Despite the growing issue, their mother-daughter bond was tested but never broken. Mary exercised much patience, compassion and understanding with her mother’s often erratic and sudden behavioral changes, increasingly severe and frequent bouts of depression, occurring especially when Mary had cause to celebrate through her successes and happiness. Mary desperately tries to figure out the why to her mother’s hoarding, grappling with how it became so out of control, especially after suffering the sudden loss of Ann.

A bittersweet story of love and the mighty powerful mother-daughter bond.

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