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Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad--and Surprising Good--About Feeling Special
Harvard Medical School psychologist and Huffington Post blogger Craig Malkin addresses the "narcissism epidemic," by illuminating the spectrum of narcissism, identifying ways to control the trait, and explaining how too little of it may be a bad thing.
"What is narcissism?" is one of the fastest rising searches on Google, and articles on the topic routinely go viral. Yet, the word "narcissist" seems to mean something different every time it's uttered. People hurl the word as insult at anyone who offends them. It's become so ubiquitous, in fact, that it's lost any clear meaning. The only certainty these days is that it's bad to be a narcissist—really bad—inspiring the same kind of roiling queasiness we feel when we hear the words sexist or racist. That's especially troubling news for millennials, the people born after 1980, who've been branded the "most narcissistic generation ever."
In Rethinking Narcissism readers will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that we all fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side, and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self. On the far end lies sociopathy. Malkin deconstructs healthy from unhealthy narcissism and offers clear, step-by-step guidance on how to promote healthy narcissism in our partners, our children, and ourselves.
"What is narcissism?" is one of the fastest rising searches on Google, and articles on the topic routinely go viral. Yet, the word "narcissist" seems to mean something different every time it's uttered. People hurl the word as insult at anyone who offends them. It's become so ubiquitous, in fact, that it's lost any clear meaning. The only certainty these days is that it's bad to be a narcissist—really bad—inspiring the same kind of roiling queasiness we feel when we hear the words sexist or racist. That's especially troubling news for millennials, the people born after 1980, who've been branded the "most narcissistic generation ever."
In Rethinking Narcissism readers will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that we all fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side, and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self. On the far end lies sociopathy. Malkin deconstructs healthy from unhealthy narcissism and offers clear, step-by-step guidance on how to promote healthy narcissism in our partners, our children, and ourselves.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published July 7, 2015
683 people are currently reading
4604 people want to read
About the author
Craig Malkin
3 books105 followersRather than rattle off my credentials, which you can easily find on my website, I’d rather tell you the story behind why I wrote Rethinking Narcissism. People need help– desperately. They’re lost, surrounded by empty caricatures and fear mongering when it comes to any discussions of narcissism. Unlike most writers and speakers on the subject I haven’t just been touched by narcissistic personality disorder directly—my mother struggled with it throughout her life, as you'll learn if you read my book—I’ve studied it in depth. And I’m dismayed by the confusing and misleading information that seems to have exploded onto the scene in the last decade. As a clinical psychologist with over 25 years helping people cope with variety of problems, including pathological narcissism, I know too well the kind of damage that personality disorders can wreak in our lives. But I also know that narcissism takes many forms, not just the loud, preening, primping, boastful version that most experts talk about. The startling truth is that many narcissists couldn't care less about looks or fame and money and some can be extremely quiet. And if you don’t know what all dangerous narcissism has in common, then you can’t spot the real red flags. I wanted to make it easy for people to protect themselves when necessary and find hope when it’s possible. Because that’s what I needed in my relationships. And that’s what I needed to help people as a therapist. By researching the subject directly and drawing on my own experience, I’ve been able to provide a much clearer path to coping with and leaving destructive relationships. My greatest hope is that you find the clarity that you need to do just that. Not in months or—worse—years. But in weeks or days. And that’s why I wanted to rethink narcissism.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 244 reviews
September 9, 2016
Finished reading "Rethinking Narcissism", last night, and I have very mixed feelings about it.
Readers coming to this wanting to find out more about "selfish traits" in themselves or others will find plenty of useful material here. Being able to recognize narcissistic tendencies is a helpful tool in regulating our own behaviour, and of course in interacting with difficult people. If your spouse, parent, boss or friend rates high on the selfishness scale, the author even offers good advice for improving your relationships: Approach them in a gentler, more empathetic way, and see if that doesn't do the trick. After all, we all know by now that narcissists puff themselves up and bluster, to avoid showing us their fragile, crumbling core. This may be just what's needed to bring most of us back from planet narcissism, and besides, being kinder is always excellent advice. Except when it's not.
If you are dealing with someone who suffers from extreme narcissism this will not work. A person diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not your garden variety self centred human being. Their exterior, which may be blustery and grandiose, or quiet, withdrawn and shy, masks a darker core. It may not be their fault, they may not want to be this way, but bluntly put, people who fall on the extreme end of the narcissism scale are dangerous predators and can harm you in numerous ways. They are exploitative with a cruel streak and are unable to empathize. This does not mean they don't understand that they are harming others, it means they don't really care, because you don't really matter. If you are in a relationship with someone like this, and you have tried to love your narcissist back to health, you will already know this: it doesn't work. In fact it seems to make things worse, which makes you question your own sanity. What you don't know, is that the kinder you become, the more cruel your narcissist will be. I understand it seems unfathomable, but it is true. Which is why I have such mixed feelings about this book. In fairness, the author makes the point several times, that if you are dealing with an extreme narcissist, this is not the book for you. I'm just wondering if someone in a narcissistic abuse situation will be able to figure out, that they aren't dealing with someone who is just a little more selfish than the rest of us. Narcissistic abuse is terrifying, extremely detrimental and leaves victims shattered to their core. There is a name for it: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and in severe cases the victim may develop post traumatic stress disorder. I hope that folks who seek out this book because they suspect they are dealing with a narcissist will be able to figure out the difference.
Narcissism has become a buzz word in a society rife with over-consumption and social media, which encourages self-promotion. When we trivialize it, we make it less dangerous than it is. By overusing the term or inappropriately applying it to people, we aren't doing anyone a favour. NDP is a serious disorder that leaves great sadness in its wake, both for its victims and its sufferers, and while both deserve our compassion, sadly only the victims will benefit from it.
Readers coming to this wanting to find out more about "selfish traits" in themselves or others will find plenty of useful material here. Being able to recognize narcissistic tendencies is a helpful tool in regulating our own behaviour, and of course in interacting with difficult people. If your spouse, parent, boss or friend rates high on the selfishness scale, the author even offers good advice for improving your relationships: Approach them in a gentler, more empathetic way, and see if that doesn't do the trick. After all, we all know by now that narcissists puff themselves up and bluster, to avoid showing us their fragile, crumbling core. This may be just what's needed to bring most of us back from planet narcissism, and besides, being kinder is always excellent advice. Except when it's not.
If you are dealing with someone who suffers from extreme narcissism this will not work. A person diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not your garden variety self centred human being. Their exterior, which may be blustery and grandiose, or quiet, withdrawn and shy, masks a darker core. It may not be their fault, they may not want to be this way, but bluntly put, people who fall on the extreme end of the narcissism scale are dangerous predators and can harm you in numerous ways. They are exploitative with a cruel streak and are unable to empathize. This does not mean they don't understand that they are harming others, it means they don't really care, because you don't really matter. If you are in a relationship with someone like this, and you have tried to love your narcissist back to health, you will already know this: it doesn't work. In fact it seems to make things worse, which makes you question your own sanity. What you don't know, is that the kinder you become, the more cruel your narcissist will be. I understand it seems unfathomable, but it is true. Which is why I have such mixed feelings about this book. In fairness, the author makes the point several times, that if you are dealing with an extreme narcissist, this is not the book for you. I'm just wondering if someone in a narcissistic abuse situation will be able to figure out, that they aren't dealing with someone who is just a little more selfish than the rest of us. Narcissistic abuse is terrifying, extremely detrimental and leaves victims shattered to their core. There is a name for it: Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and in severe cases the victim may develop post traumatic stress disorder. I hope that folks who seek out this book because they suspect they are dealing with a narcissist will be able to figure out the difference.
Narcissism has become a buzz word in a society rife with over-consumption and social media, which encourages self-promotion. When we trivialize it, we make it less dangerous than it is. By overusing the term or inappropriately applying it to people, we aren't doing anyone a favour. NDP is a serious disorder that leaves great sadness in its wake, both for its victims and its sufferers, and while both deserve our compassion, sadly only the victims will benefit from it.
May 15, 2022
A well-balanced and readable book about narcissism. Craig Malkin does a great job of describing narcissism using everyday language while still capturing the complexity of the condition. One of my main takeaways from this book is that having a moderate level of narcissism can be quite healthy – it’s important that we take pride in who we are and what makes us special as long as that is balanced with empathy and concern for others. He also describes a variety of topics centered on narcissism, such as how to detect a person with narcissistic tendencies, specific strategies on how to set boundaries with narcissists, and ways to parent children so that they have a healthy sense of self and care for others instead of only thinking about themselves.
Malkin touches a couple of times on how gender and gender roles may relate to narcissism though I would love to read more about how narcissism relates to gender, race, and other forms of social identities. I think the intersection of these topics feels interesting even if they fall outside the scope of this specific book. For example, I wonder if for people who are systemically and systematically marginalized and denied opportunities, if that may instill even more of a narcissistic tendency to want attention, fame, etc. as a way to compensate. Just drawing a bit from what I’ve observed in my own life (though of course not generalizing about any group of people here). Overall, a great and relatively chill while still intriguing read!
Malkin touches a couple of times on how gender and gender roles may relate to narcissism though I would love to read more about how narcissism relates to gender, race, and other forms of social identities. I think the intersection of these topics feels interesting even if they fall outside the scope of this specific book. For example, I wonder if for people who are systemically and systematically marginalized and denied opportunities, if that may instill even more of a narcissistic tendency to want attention, fame, etc. as a way to compensate. Just drawing a bit from what I’ve observed in my own life (though of course not generalizing about any group of people here). Overall, a great and relatively chill while still intriguing read!
July 27, 2023
Dr. Craig Malkin - author, clinical psychologist, and lecturer for Harvard Medical School - has left me with the task of drawing a few distinctions. His book, this book, Rethinking Narcissism, has less to do with re-assessing the character trait than it does with normalizing it. We are all, he asserts, possessed of some quantity of narcissism; and this is a good and productive thing. He provides a test. He provides a scale. With these you may detect yourself somewhere on the continuum between the extreme narcissist and the extreme "echoist" (or self-abnegator). He will not, however, be dealing with those on the far ends of his spectrum - whom he suggests seek out therapy and locate the will to change. Where the majority of his attention devolves is on those in the mid-range, offering tactics to handle whomever one comes across that happens to fall a bead or two off center.
While this may indeed be the broadest audience to aim for, hence offering the widest appeal, such centrist forms of narcissism are not where the critical problems lie. We're verging on pop-psychology here, and those struggling in relationships that torture hearts, that wound souls, that crush hopes and dreams and even color the manner in which they appear to themselves in a morning mirror, will not find much guidance upon Dr. Malkin's journey down that middle road.
Of this, I would make you aware.
While this may indeed be the broadest audience to aim for, hence offering the widest appeal, such centrist forms of narcissism are not where the critical problems lie. We're verging on pop-psychology here, and those struggling in relationships that torture hearts, that wound souls, that crush hopes and dreams and even color the manner in which they appear to themselves in a morning mirror, will not find much guidance upon Dr. Malkin's journey down that middle road.
Of this, I would make you aware.
August 17, 2015
Thank you Dr. Malkin for a refreshing view of the general population, as well as, insight into true narcissism.
Dr. Malkin eased the readers into the book by providing his first hand experience of the narcissist in his life that lead him into his journey of becoming an expert in narcissism by way of his mother. I found his approach to be humble, yet comforting.
The history of narcissism was explained to readers in an easy to follow, yet in an incredibly informative way.
While debunking the general population's idea of what a true narcissist is, Dr. Malkin was able to explain the narcissism spectrum as it applies to everyone. The spectrum goes from complete lack of narcissism all the way to full blown narcissism, with healthy narcissism in the middle.
The book explains the fallacies that many of us believe about narcissism, along with tactics and advice to deal with a true narcissist.
Perhaps my favorite part was the use of actual people Dr. Malkin has seen or treated in a clinical setting. I very much enjoyed reading about his clients and what their parents', parenting style entailed. The parenting style was of the upmost importance in understanding why a particular person scored where they did on the narcissism spectrum.
In regard to the Narcissism Test provided for readers in the book, I understood that much time, effort and research was involved for its accuracy.
A newer and more rare finding in a book such as this, was the subject of social media and narcissism. While debunking what many have described as an entitled, social media generation, Dr. Malkin was able to inform readers of the good and bad surrounding it.
The takeaway for me is, empathy, empathy, empathy. Learn it, love it, teach it!
I will continue recommending this book to everyone.
Dr. Malkin eased the readers into the book by providing his first hand experience of the narcissist in his life that lead him into his journey of becoming an expert in narcissism by way of his mother. I found his approach to be humble, yet comforting.
The history of narcissism was explained to readers in an easy to follow, yet in an incredibly informative way.
While debunking the general population's idea of what a true narcissist is, Dr. Malkin was able to explain the narcissism spectrum as it applies to everyone. The spectrum goes from complete lack of narcissism all the way to full blown narcissism, with healthy narcissism in the middle.
The book explains the fallacies that many of us believe about narcissism, along with tactics and advice to deal with a true narcissist.
Perhaps my favorite part was the use of actual people Dr. Malkin has seen or treated in a clinical setting. I very much enjoyed reading about his clients and what their parents', parenting style entailed. The parenting style was of the upmost importance in understanding why a particular person scored where they did on the narcissism spectrum.
In regard to the Narcissism Test provided for readers in the book, I understood that much time, effort and research was involved for its accuracy.
A newer and more rare finding in a book such as this, was the subject of social media and narcissism. While debunking what many have described as an entitled, social media generation, Dr. Malkin was able to inform readers of the good and bad surrounding it.
The takeaway for me is, empathy, empathy, empathy. Learn it, love it, teach it!
I will continue recommending this book to everyone.
June 18, 2018
This phenomenal book has inspired in me so much wisdom, warmth, positivity and spiritual strength. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to enhance any form of relationship as I believe that it's not just for those who'd like to learn more about narcissism. Rather, it's a book that can help people discover and cherish themselves whilst bringing out the best in others. I have no idea how Dr Malkin has done it but throughout the time I've spent reading the book up till this very moment, I've felt like I've been glowing with positivity and even joy! It's a lovely experience! I just know that Dr Malkin has written his heart out because I feel his genuineness within this gem of a book! Well done Dr Malkin! You've blown my mind and inspired me to pursue my passion of being a 'juniorist'(a term I've invented as a catchier label for a children's rights advocate). Hahaha! Let's work towards 5 on the spectrum everyone! I'm at 4, by the way!
July 24, 2020
I have mixed feelings after finishing this book. I did find it interesting looking at the entire narcissism spectrum, not just the most extreme end. I thought everything regarding Echoism was fascinating and I would love to re-read and learn more about that.
But I felt like some of the tips and coping strategies offered were conveyed with the attitude that if you just talk to a narcissist the right way, you can help fix them or change their behavior. While I don't think that was the intention, it made me very uncomfortable and I didn't relate to or enjoy those segments of the book as much.
But I felt like some of the tips and coping strategies offered were conveyed with the attitude that if you just talk to a narcissist the right way, you can help fix them or change their behavior. While I don't think that was the intention, it made me very uncomfortable and I didn't relate to or enjoy those segments of the book as much.
January 18, 2021
Very, very bad and damaging book. Malkin suggests victims of narcissists ought to learn to 'parent' their narcissist rather than to cut loose, as though narcissists were little children who just need care and love. But they're emotional hyena's who will continue to attack you in your weakest moments. Also, narcissism isn't about "feeling special". It's about making others feel worthless in order to appear special. You can feel good and special without ever being a narcissist. But you can't be a narcissist without wanting to be special all of the time. Narcissists don't actually feel special, they just wish they were and will lash out at every opportunity to make you look worse than them.
July 30, 2015
I liked it... enough to want more, anyway. He made good points, and some good suggestions for dealing with the narcissist in your life, as well as the narcissist in yourself, but I wish he had gone further. I wanted more help with both learning how to learn to slide up the narcissism scale, and how to help relate to someone much higher on the scale in a healthy way.
As it is, I feel like it's a good reminder that not all narcissism is harmful, but honestly most people picking up a book about narcissism are looking for help with dealing with quite harmful relationships and I wanted more practical help than is in this book.
As it is, I feel like it's a good reminder that not all narcissism is harmful, but honestly most people picking up a book about narcissism are looking for help with dealing with quite harmful relationships and I wanted more practical help than is in this book.
June 13, 2020
Narcissism, is part of human nature and is expressed on a scale. We need a certain amount of narcissism to feel self-confident, assert our needs, and follow our dreams. Too little narcissism leads to dissatisfaction and sacrificing our needs to benefit others. Too much, as we are well aware by now with all the media attention on narcissism as a personality disorder, leads people to ignore the feelings and needs of others, self-agrandissement, and in the highest levels, to pathological, harmful and sometimes dangerous behaviours.
This book offers a balanced outlook on a character trait we’ve seen exacerbated in the past decade or two, in part thanks to social media. We are given tools to understand the mechanisms and identify narcissism at various points in the scale. The roots of narcissistic behaviour are explored, and tips on how to manage relationships with various people in our lives who present strong narcissistic tendencies are offered.
An interesting read.
This book offers a balanced outlook on a character trait we’ve seen exacerbated in the past decade or two, in part thanks to social media. We are given tools to understand the mechanisms and identify narcissism at various points in the scale. The roots of narcissistic behaviour are explored, and tips on how to manage relationships with various people in our lives who present strong narcissistic tendencies are offered.
An interesting read.
January 25, 2022
If I needed someone to defend narcissists to me I’d just go talk to a narcissist.
August 2, 2015
I wish I had known about this years ago. In the age of social media, this book especially caught my eye. I was familiar with the old story of Narcissus, but when I was actually in a friendship with someone who I truly, really do think is a narcissist, I did not make the connection.
Author Malkin takes the reader though what is narcissism: what is healthy, what are some of the subtle differences, what are aspects of narcissism, etc. Yes, there is a quiz in the beginning of the book, and when you take it you can think about how the results apply to you in the next chapters when he discusses how to cope dealing with people who are in different situations: as parents, at work, in relationships and friendships.
Overall I found the book gave me a lot of food for thought. When reading through his descriptions, some of these really rang true for the situation I experienced, although I was too young and too inexperienced at the time to know that I was looking at symptoms of something. It was helpful and interesting, although not a 100% correlation, which didn't bother me (maybe it's my memory, maybe it's because there were other dynamics at play).
However, I wish there were more. He gave several anecdotes of various patients he sees, but for the most part they were really boring. I wasn't interested in these people talking about themselves (which is something I grew to hate with my former friend). I wish he had discussed MORE about how to move up the narcissism scale. I also wonder whether "narcissism" may need a bit of relabeling--there's healthy self-confidence, and then there's self-centered, selfish me me me narcissism.
I also object to his use of "introverted narcissists." He says that these people "shy away from, and even seem panicked by, people and attention." (Pg 34). By definition, introverts are not necessarily shy and do not necessarily panic around people and attention. Some certainly do, but introversion is about where you get your energy (introverts prefer smaller, one on one types of interaction whereas extroverts like bigger groups and get their energy from interacting with people). While I can agree with some of the other terms the author uses, "covert" or "hypersensitive," I don't think I can agree with his term of "introverted narcissists." Which is NOT to say introverts cannot be narcissists, because they certainly can be.
I don't regret picking it up from the library but I'd say this is definitely more of a "borrow" or "get cheap" rather than a must buy.
Author Malkin takes the reader though what is narcissism: what is healthy, what are some of the subtle differences, what are aspects of narcissism, etc. Yes, there is a quiz in the beginning of the book, and when you take it you can think about how the results apply to you in the next chapters when he discusses how to cope dealing with people who are in different situations: as parents, at work, in relationships and friendships.
Overall I found the book gave me a lot of food for thought. When reading through his descriptions, some of these really rang true for the situation I experienced, although I was too young and too inexperienced at the time to know that I was looking at symptoms of something. It was helpful and interesting, although not a 100% correlation, which didn't bother me (maybe it's my memory, maybe it's because there were other dynamics at play).
However, I wish there were more. He gave several anecdotes of various patients he sees, but for the most part they were really boring. I wasn't interested in these people talking about themselves (which is something I grew to hate with my former friend). I wish he had discussed MORE about how to move up the narcissism scale. I also wonder whether "narcissism" may need a bit of relabeling--there's healthy self-confidence, and then there's self-centered, selfish me me me narcissism.
I also object to his use of "introverted narcissists." He says that these people "shy away from, and even seem panicked by, people and attention." (Pg 34). By definition, introverts are not necessarily shy and do not necessarily panic around people and attention. Some certainly do, but introversion is about where you get your energy (introverts prefer smaller, one on one types of interaction whereas extroverts like bigger groups and get their energy from interacting with people). While I can agree with some of the other terms the author uses, "covert" or "hypersensitive," I don't think I can agree with his term of "introverted narcissists." Which is NOT to say introverts cannot be narcissists, because they certainly can be.
I don't regret picking it up from the library but I'd say this is definitely more of a "borrow" or "get cheap" rather than a must buy.
October 27, 2024
I had heard so much about narcissism being a negative thing. When I realized someone I loved dearly was narcissistic, I was told this person could never change and I needed to run. I did not like the answers I was getting elsewhere. I appreciate that Dr. Malkin explains that narcissism is a behavior or habits that can be changed (if the person is aware of their behaviors and willing to change). "Rethinking Narcissism" really helped me understand this person better and taught me some communication techniques to protect myself from the constant drama.
June 21, 2015
This is a users manual for the human mind. You have to read this.
January 23, 2022
Great book for self-reflection and also noticing problematic behavior in your peers. It offers tons of information and suggestions on how to deal with narcissistic (and echoist, its opposite) people. It dives into topics of relationships, friendships, work-space, parenting and also social media.
Can whole-heartedly reccommend.
Can whole-heartedly reccommend.
December 11, 2016
A great gift idea for those who want to have, adopt or care for children. As a progressive christian I love the Goodread section most of all-1V Promoting Healthy Narcissism -"Warmth and Control-Warmth is the caring , love and nurturance we show our children; control is the direction, monitoring , and guidance we provide. Children need both of these components, but the right balance is crucial; too much of one-or one without the other-prevents children from thriving". In fact , it's the balance of these two factors that creates four parenting styles-each of which has a different effect on a child's degree of narcissism".
Authoritarian Parents
Believe children should be seen and not heard.
Don't allow their children to express anger toward them.
Have extremely strict rules
Don't allow their children to question them.
Usually express very little warmth.
Permissive Parents
Feel children should have time to think and daydream
Let children make many decisions for themselves
Provide comfort but few rules
Find it difficult to punish their children
Often let bad behavior go-Will boys just be boys? As if
Indifferent/Neglectful parents
Expect their children to handle problems by themselves-As if
Sometimes forget their promises to their children
Push their children to be independent
Often don't know where their kids are
Express little or no affection
Authoritative Parents
Respect their children's opinions and encourage them to express their feelings
Talk things over and reason with children when they misbehave
Include rheir children's preferences in future plans
Trust their children to behave properly when they are older, even when they are not with them
My firm belief is that great parents
Set limits
Coach their children
Are warm and respectful
Model repair-Use redos
Volunteer free time to the greater good of social media SAHNBCT2018
Authoritarian Parents
Believe children should be seen and not heard.
Don't allow their children to express anger toward them.
Have extremely strict rules
Don't allow their children to question them.
Usually express very little warmth.
Permissive Parents
Feel children should have time to think and daydream
Let children make many decisions for themselves
Provide comfort but few rules
Find it difficult to punish their children
Often let bad behavior go-Will boys just be boys? As if
Indifferent/Neglectful parents
Expect their children to handle problems by themselves-As if
Sometimes forget their promises to their children
Push their children to be independent
Often don't know where their kids are
Express little or no affection
Authoritative Parents
Respect their children's opinions and encourage them to express their feelings
Talk things over and reason with children when they misbehave
Include rheir children's preferences in future plans
Trust their children to behave properly when they are older, even when they are not with them
My firm belief is that great parents
Set limits
Coach their children
Are warm and respectful
Model repair-Use redos
Volunteer free time to the greater good of social media SAHNBCT2018
January 10, 2019
A short, snappy book on narcissism that is more than "narcissim bad," but doesn't put the onus on fixing toxic narcissists on you.
This was good. I picked this up because I read an article by the author on "echoists," or people who are the opposite of narcissists, and was like, "How dare you know me!" This book addressed that, but also how to deal with narcissists, what makes them tick, and strategies for coping when you can't get out or you want to test whether you can fix the relationship. I was afraid that the book was going to imply that it was somehow the job of people around a narcissist to cope with them--but it wasn't. I wanted more strategies specifically on coping with echoists and how an echoist can start bootstrapping themselves out of it, but, not having them specifically, I still found this hugely useful and a relief.
This was good. I picked this up because I read an article by the author on "echoists," or people who are the opposite of narcissists, and was like, "How dare you know me!" This book addressed that, but also how to deal with narcissists, what makes them tick, and strategies for coping when you can't get out or you want to test whether you can fix the relationship. I was afraid that the book was going to imply that it was somehow the job of people around a narcissist to cope with them--but it wasn't. I wanted more strategies specifically on coping with echoists and how an echoist can start bootstrapping themselves out of it, but, not having them specifically, I still found this hugely useful and a relief.
Read
July 19, 2025з цієї книжки не варто починати, якщо ви не знайомі з крайніми проявами нарцисизму особисто чи опосередковано. вона може скласти лише поверхове і дуже полегшене враження про такі риси й людей, такий собі розведений у воді варіант без особливих (важливих!) деталей
December 28, 2019
(I listened to the audiobook, and some of the comments here are relevant only to that format.)
I enjoyed it. The writing was smooth, the stories were well-chosen, and I appreciated the author's view of valuing the middle of the narcissism spectrum instead of either of the poles. I also found his critiques of the NPI interesting and well-considered. I felt I learned a lot that was not sensationalized or overly dramatic. (Clearly there is lots of potential for the dramatic in any interaction with a narcissist, but my personal feeling is that this territory has been well-covered, possibly excessively covered, and that a consideration of the territory between the extremes has a lot of value to offer.) I can certainly say from personal experience that the descriptions of the 9s and 10s were bang-on; but I appreciated more attention and description being given to those who are higher than average in narcissism but not necessarily at that destructive extreme. In part because there's more of them, but also because if your formative experiences are with the 9s and 10s, then anything below a 9 looks like Mother Theresa (who if reports are correct is actually pretty narcissistic) or Gandhi (ditto) and you end up plunging into connections with people who are still pretty unhealthy.
However, I thought the book on the whole was not well-balanced: while stating frequently that we should all strive to be a 5 (or thereabouts) on the ten-point narcissistic continuum, most of the advice was about how to manage those who are 7 or above, whether that person is oneself, a partner, a family member, or a colleague. There was very little advice for those who are a 3 or below, except to say that they/we deserve to feel special sometimes too. The advice that was targeted to those low in narcissism (what he calls "echoists" after the myth of Echo) was in context of their relationships to narcissists rather than learning to value themselves more highly on their own account or for their own sake. This was disappointing, as it was the entire point of listening to the book for me.
As I know, through reading and through discussions with others who have come from families like mine, when one ends up at 0 on the narcissism scale from having been repeatedly punished for having feelings or needs at all, one can find oneself repeatedly in relationships of various kinds with narcissists (for reasons discussed in the book); and then, having learned that one's radar is fritzed more or less permanently, one can learn to avoid relationships as being the only reliable way of protecting oneself from narcissists. Or, basically, and less awkwardly phrased: I have a hard time letting people into my life enough to become disappointed by them, Dr. Malkin, precisely because I was so thoroughly taught to disregard my needs and feelings that the thought of bringing them up in any context with anyone ever itself prevents the very kinds of relationships in which expectations and disappointments might occur. My opportunities to put into practice the ideas you discuss are very, very few. But besides that: is the only reason I or other echoists have to learn to value ourselves a little more is to function better in the context of relationships with potential narcissists? That seems a bit bleak.
I've noticed that the author in other reviews has frequently come to discuss critical points raised, so here's hoping that Malkin pops up to tell me what I might have overlooked or where else I might find this.
...it strikes me, after reading this over, that I am basically more comfortable having expectations of books than I am in having expectations of the people in my life. Hrm.
Also: audiobook publishers! Please include chapter titles in the audiobook tables of contents! It is very hard to navigate an audiobook with chapters labelled simply "chapter 1" and "chapter 2" and so on, without any descriptive label of the contents, and this is particularly annoying when there are descriptive labels in the print version. I found myself googling the table of contents online so I could figure out where to go to find particular subjects or topics.
I enjoyed it. The writing was smooth, the stories were well-chosen, and I appreciated the author's view of valuing the middle of the narcissism spectrum instead of either of the poles. I also found his critiques of the NPI interesting and well-considered. I felt I learned a lot that was not sensationalized or overly dramatic. (Clearly there is lots of potential for the dramatic in any interaction with a narcissist, but my personal feeling is that this territory has been well-covered, possibly excessively covered, and that a consideration of the territory between the extremes has a lot of value to offer.) I can certainly say from personal experience that the descriptions of the 9s and 10s were bang-on; but I appreciated more attention and description being given to those who are higher than average in narcissism but not necessarily at that destructive extreme. In part because there's more of them, but also because if your formative experiences are with the 9s and 10s, then anything below a 9 looks like Mother Theresa (who if reports are correct is actually pretty narcissistic) or Gandhi (ditto) and you end up plunging into connections with people who are still pretty unhealthy.
However, I thought the book on the whole was not well-balanced: while stating frequently that we should all strive to be a 5 (or thereabouts) on the ten-point narcissistic continuum, most of the advice was about how to manage those who are 7 or above, whether that person is oneself, a partner, a family member, or a colleague. There was very little advice for those who are a 3 or below, except to say that they/we deserve to feel special sometimes too. The advice that was targeted to those low in narcissism (what he calls "echoists" after the myth of Echo) was in context of their relationships to narcissists rather than learning to value themselves more highly on their own account or for their own sake. This was disappointing, as it was the entire point of listening to the book for me.
As I know, through reading and through discussions with others who have come from families like mine, when one ends up at 0 on the narcissism scale from having been repeatedly punished for having feelings or needs at all, one can find oneself repeatedly in relationships of various kinds with narcissists (for reasons discussed in the book); and then, having learned that one's radar is fritzed more or less permanently, one can learn to avoid relationships as being the only reliable way of protecting oneself from narcissists. Or, basically, and less awkwardly phrased: I have a hard time letting people into my life enough to become disappointed by them, Dr. Malkin, precisely because I was so thoroughly taught to disregard my needs and feelings that the thought of bringing them up in any context with anyone ever itself prevents the very kinds of relationships in which expectations and disappointments might occur. My opportunities to put into practice the ideas you discuss are very, very few. But besides that: is the only reason I or other echoists have to learn to value ourselves a little more is to function better in the context of relationships with potential narcissists? That seems a bit bleak.
I've noticed that the author in other reviews has frequently come to discuss critical points raised, so here's hoping that Malkin pops up to tell me what I might have overlooked or where else I might find this.
...it strikes me, after reading this over, that I am basically more comfortable having expectations of books than I am in having expectations of the people in my life. Hrm.
Also: audiobook publishers! Please include chapter titles in the audiobook tables of contents! It is very hard to navigate an audiobook with chapters labelled simply "chapter 1" and "chapter 2" and so on, without any descriptive label of the contents, and this is particularly annoying when there are descriptive labels in the print version. I found myself googling the table of contents online so I could figure out where to go to find particular subjects or topics.
February 6, 2017
A new perspective to Narcissism !!! I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book. Different cases on different levels on the spectrum of Narcissism were very well presented. You may not agree with some of the arguments presented by the author, but it is interesting to see from a different angle.
August 16, 2020
Calling social media, “SoMe” drove me nuts. Saying he “could care less” about it drove me even more nuts. He couldn’t care less, dear editor.
February 24, 2016
Dr. Craig Malkin devoted himself to understanding narcissism because his mother was a narcissist. A clinical psychologist and instructor of psychology at Harvard Med School, Dr. Malkin is the author of this book and many articles. His insights and advice on relationships are applicable to couples, families, social media and the workplace.
I had to read his book because the word narcissist has been getting thrown around in my world quite a bit the last few years. When my ex told me he didn’t love me anymore it was because he was convinced I was a narcissist. My therapists and friends say, no, he is the narcissist. So you see my dilemma!
The myth of Narcissus includes a young man whose reputation for both his gorgeousness and his indifference was renowned. He thought of himself above any kindness and love. The woman in the myth is named Echo; she has no voice of her own.
Dr. Malkin presents narcissism on a spectrum from 1 to 10. Moderate narcissists fall in the middle, between 4 and 6. Moderate narcissism, the doctor says, can actually enhance love. People who fall on the spectrum between 2 to 3 and 7 to 8 have some bad habits that can be corrected. Echoism, the absence of narcissism and on the spectrum from 0 to 1, most likely requires hospitalization with little hope of recovery. Extreme narcissism, on the spectrum between 9 and 10 is considered an addiction and also requires treatment with less than optimal outcome expected.
The true narcissist displays “a complete lack of remorse and a penchant for manipulation; people who simply enjoy speaking their mind or being in charge are clearly different from narcissists who enjoy manipulation and lies; only people who never feel special or feel special all the time pose a threat to themselves and the world.”
You may have seen the test for narcissism on Facebook. I took the test and it said I was deficient in narcissism and directed me to Dr. Malkin’s book; where he discusses the test in greater detail. The test includes three parts to measure narcissism deficits, healthy narcissism and extreme narcissism.
My score showing me not feeling special enough puts me on the spectrum at 3. The statements that best define deficiency in narcissism are: “I’m not sure what I want or need in my relationships; when people ask me my preferences, I’m often at a loss.” Echoists are rarely straightforward about what might help them to feel better.
My tests score on healthy narcissism was also low, keeping me on the spectrum at 3. The statements that best define healthy narcissism are: “I like to dream big, but not at the expense of my relationships; I can rein myself in when people tell me I’m getting a big head.” Healthy narcissists enjoy fantasies of greatness without becoming addicted to them. They’re able to feel good about themselves with a solid sense of self-esteem and self-worth, and to enjoy attention and praise without a relentless need to prove themselves. The recipe for healthy narcissism is a family that encourages (not requires) dreams of greatness and a healthy model for love and closeness. Healthy narcissists learn to feel important to others by mutual caring and understanding.
Extreme Narcissism, where I also score well below average, is best defined by these 2 statements: “I secretly believe I’m better than most people; I’ll never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve.” The quickest way to engender unhealthy narcissism is to feel deep shame over ordinary human frailties and failings. When looks, talent or helpfulness become a perpetual concern there’s unhealthy narcissism.
There exist many different types of extreme narcissism. The extroverted narcissist loudly obsesses about standing out. The introverted narcissist silently races toward greatness while other people exist solely to support their self-esteem and relentless need to be understood. Communal narcissists regard themselves as especially nurturing, understanding and empathetic. They think they are the most helpful people ever, better than the rest of humanity at giving.
The most salient characteristic of the subtle narcissist is entitlement, an unremitting attitude that the world and everyone around them should support their exalted status. As dependence moves to addiction so entitlement escalates into exploitation and illness. Other people’s feelings begin to matter less and less. They will do anything necessary to get ahead including hurting others. The world exists for their benefit alone. This toxic blend of entitlement and exploitation blind the extreme narcissist to the needs and feelings of the other people around them.
The person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder vacillates between extreme arrogance and condescension, and feeling shy and full of shame. Either way they demand attention, admiration, approval and special consideration. Not all narcissists are psychopaths; but all psychopaths are narcissists. Devoid of sadness, anxiety, guilt and remorse, when confronted their rage can be terrifying.
How do you know if you are dealing with a dangerous narcissist and should RUN? There are warning signs. Extreme narcissists display emotion phobia and stay clear of other people’s emotions. They use an insidious form of projection where they deny their own feelings by claiming they belong to someone else. My ex also told me he didn’t love me anymore because I was jealous – an example of this type of projection that Dr. Malkin calls passing the hot potato. Other warning signs include the narcissist’s constant need to remain in charge. I was affected by this narcissistic control as I gradually without realizing it fell into his preferences and desires. Narcissists also put people on pedestals. It’s another way of feeling special and preventing deeper connection if the narcissist is with someone special.
Sharing your feelings of fragility and how you truly feel, encourages the narcissist to feel more caring and compassionate. Voice the importance of your relationship and your own feelings to distinguish the narcissist who can change from one who can’t. If the narcissist can’t change, the addiction to their narcissism has taken over their lives. If you cannot take these risks of being vulnerable with your narcissist, then the relationship isn’t safe and you should leave.
If your narcissist can change, show them the benefits of consideration, collaboration, understanding, mutual respect and caring. Echoists must protect themselves by creating boundaries and making requests. Secure love and caring relationships protect us from unhealthy narcissism. Healthy narcissism unlocks authentic passion allowing the rewards of genuine intimacy. Of course echoists and narcissists are attracted to one another and can make a pretty good pair if they meet in the middle.
December 4, 2024
My curiosity with narcissism stemmed from today's negative connotations of narcissism in relation to social media and today's seemingly fixed perception on memememe. I feel that people often carelessly and loosely accuse others to be narcissists, and I reckon it's pretty intense to be characterised as one.
With select past experiences I've also been led to think "Am I... the narcissist?" ( I scored a 4 in the test so we're good I think). So when I picked up "The Narcissist Test" at the library, it piqued my interest and I was instantly hooked. The more I read, the more obsessed I got. Malkin covers the entire spectrum of narcissism and elucidates the complexity of this trait- too little and you hurt yourself, too much and you hurt those around you. The healthiest outlook on self and life lies between the two.
He also draws connections to a wide range of topics- all conversations of which I am invested in- social media, parenting, childhood, workplace scenarios and practical ways to deal with narcissistic behaviour.
There are definitely some hard pills to swallow in this book- but imperative truths nonetheless. Here's one for you on self-blame: "Maybe it’s easier to tell yourself you’re the problem than to accept the possibility he won’t change”. DAMN!
And here's another one I'll close off with, which was so nice I almost cried: “When people feel important enough to pay special attention to their deepest desires and needs– and honestly share them– those who care about them learn something new. They finally get to meet the person they love, a truly thrilling moment for all involved". And that's on REAL self-love.
Loved it, obsessed. All-rounder kinda book and definitely came at the right time for me- thanks Craig Malkin!
With select past experiences I've also been led to think "Am I... the narcissist?" ( I scored a 4 in the test so we're good I think). So when I picked up "The Narcissist Test" at the library, it piqued my interest and I was instantly hooked. The more I read, the more obsessed I got. Malkin covers the entire spectrum of narcissism and elucidates the complexity of this trait- too little and you hurt yourself, too much and you hurt those around you. The healthiest outlook on self and life lies between the two.
He also draws connections to a wide range of topics- all conversations of which I am invested in- social media, parenting, childhood, workplace scenarios and practical ways to deal with narcissistic behaviour.
There are definitely some hard pills to swallow in this book- but imperative truths nonetheless. Here's one for you on self-blame: "Maybe it’s easier to tell yourself you’re the problem than to accept the possibility he won’t change”. DAMN!
And here's another one I'll close off with, which was so nice I almost cried: “When people feel important enough to pay special attention to their deepest desires and needs– and honestly share them– those who care about them learn something new. They finally get to meet the person they love, a truly thrilling moment for all involved". And that's on REAL self-love.
Loved it, obsessed. All-rounder kinda book and definitely came at the right time for me- thanks Craig Malkin!
February 20, 2019
I've read this book twice in less than 9 months. First I was interested in it because I wanted to learn more about the dark part of human nature, but what I found was an in-depth study into the human condition and how we perceive the self, how (and why) some people's sense of grandiosity and entitlement is so big and why other people seem to have no sense of themselves. This book teaches you about what it means to have healthy narcissism, and it's a good tool in my opinion to those looking to better understand themselves and those around them.
You can't get close enough to touch someone without stepping on their toes.
June 27, 2022
My singular exposure to reading about narcissism is through Greek myths and Dorian Gray. This collection of notes and explainers by Malkin is like getting your hands on a therapist’s personal diary. Its anecdotal narrative style is not something you haven’t read before but it keeps you interested. It is almost pensive because there are moments when you stop flipping through the chapters and look inwards. I caught myself wishing my inclinations weren’t identical to the ones illustrated by the author as someone with a bad narcissistic score. Turns out, I am doing okay.
Oh and it introduces this anti-thesis to narcissism called egoism that I found to be particularly fascinating.
Oh and it introduces this anti-thesis to narcissism called egoism that I found to be particularly fascinating.
October 20, 2021
I have been rethinking my own thoughts about Narcissism. At the basis of this is my own Narcissism. I have no reason to wake up and do an hours weights or running before I start work. I have no reason to restrict my diet. My best reason is totally narcissism. My narcissistic self image will not allow me to become ‘fat and happy’. I have been asking my colleagues what is specifically different from having excellent self esteem and narcissism? I have not had a good answer that distinguishes between to two.
This book was timely. Malkin describes narcissism being on a continuum with an Aristotelian Golden Mean. Not enough narcissism and you become an ‘echo’, a person that does not individuate themselves from significant others and reflects what others want to see. To much narcissism and you become selfish and self obsessed and only see other as tools for your own use. Too much or too little narcissism can become pathological. Malkin agrees that to individuate you need a healthy amount of narcissism. I would agree, the loathing of who I could be leads me to not being that person and pushing myself in certain directions. At the base of that is a loathing for that persona.
Malkin suggests a number of strategies for coping with a narcissist, which are clear and assertive communication skills and behavioural conditioning. I gained a clear understanding of healthy narcissism and strategies to nurture this in myself, along with strategies to be kinder and more considered (and avoid the most selfish aspects of pathological narcissism). Malkin does a good job in describing more nuanced way of thinking about narcissism. Being a narcissist is not all bad and a quality that needs to be balanced with gratitude and humility.
This book was timely. Malkin describes narcissism being on a continuum with an Aristotelian Golden Mean. Not enough narcissism and you become an ‘echo’, a person that does not individuate themselves from significant others and reflects what others want to see. To much narcissism and you become selfish and self obsessed and only see other as tools for your own use. Too much or too little narcissism can become pathological. Malkin agrees that to individuate you need a healthy amount of narcissism. I would agree, the loathing of who I could be leads me to not being that person and pushing myself in certain directions. At the base of that is a loathing for that persona.
Malkin suggests a number of strategies for coping with a narcissist, which are clear and assertive communication skills and behavioural conditioning. I gained a clear understanding of healthy narcissism and strategies to nurture this in myself, along with strategies to be kinder and more considered (and avoid the most selfish aspects of pathological narcissism). Malkin does a good job in describing more nuanced way of thinking about narcissism. Being a narcissist is not all bad and a quality that needs to be balanced with gratitude and humility.
June 24, 2023
Thought provoking and well though-out. At parts, it seemed repetitive. However, I understand the use of repetition when discussing one topic so throughly. I really enjoyed the test within the book, and the constant reference to various studies and researchers. Perfect academic read without it being TOO academic.
May 11, 2024
Deși are 3-4 idei foarte faine și oferă strategii utile de a relaționa cu narcisiști, varianta de a scrie o carte pentru a le expune e exagerată și pare plină de umplutură pentru a scoate numărul de pagini cerut de editurã.
November 29, 2018
During my hunt for books about narcissism, in which the author doesn't demonize every narcissist, I found this one. It was exactly what I was searching for, because I needed a book that would tell me not to give up on every narcissist (or echoist) I meet.
To start from scratch: It begins with the myth of Narcissus and Echo, followed by a short history of narcissism in psychology and some misconceptions we all have, because of demonization and wild stories about narcissism epidemics.
Then Malkins describes the obligatory scala from echoism to narcissism, but not just the two extremes, the middle of the scale too: Healthy narcissism. The book contains a little test, so you can find out about your positionat the scale, which of course shouldn't replace the professional assessment of a psychologist, if you think you have a real problem with echoism/narcisissm. The test even has a result for people who score big in both directions (that would be an introvert narcissist).
There are examples for narcissists, echoists, introverted narcissists and healthy narcissists in the book, and of course explanations how people become what they are. But the most positive and helpful thing in the book was the statement, that almost nobody is fixed forever on their position at the scale (except they score too big/low and it becomes pathological without hope for any improvement - but again: It's difficult to figure this out without being a professional). There are tips that could help to push an echoist or narcissist more to the middle and I'll definitive give them a try. There are also tips for self protection if you notice that there is no way to cope with the narcissism of your friend, lover or colleague and some warnings how you could spot a narcissist. The book contains chapters about friends, lovers, family, children, colleagues and yourself with appropriate tips. There's also a chapter about social media (again, no demonization).
Personally, I wish I've had found the book earlier. I've spent far too much time with a real energy vampire, always asking myself how to show her that she doesn't have to pretend to be better in front of me, just relax, and have a normal friendship. It was exhausting and now I know that giving up on her was the right thing to do, because she IS way too far off. But of course we all meet other tiring people again and again in our lives and we can't give up on all of them, just because we detect the slightest glimpse of echoism or narcissism. After dealing with echoists and narcissists in my family and circle of friends my alert system is telling me to be really careful with everyone. Well, it pissed me off, because normally I am not a very anxious or paranoid person, so I'm reassured to know, that not every narcissist/echoist is completely lost. Of course it's not our task to help everyone we meet to find the middle, but knowing that there is nothing wrong with pushing a little (and how to do it the right way) feels good. Because there are some inspiring echoists and narcissists out there and they are not just their label, but lovely people who deserve a chance. A careful chance. :'D
To start from scratch: It begins with the myth of Narcissus and Echo, followed by a short history of narcissism in psychology and some misconceptions we all have, because of demonization and wild stories about narcissism epidemics.
Then Malkins describes the obligatory scala from echoism to narcissism, but not just the two extremes, the middle of the scale too: Healthy narcissism. The book contains a little test, so you can find out about your positionat the scale, which of course shouldn't replace the professional assessment of a psychologist, if you think you have a real problem with echoism/narcisissm. The test even has a result for people who score big in both directions (that would be an introvert narcissist).
There are examples for narcissists, echoists, introverted narcissists and healthy narcissists in the book, and of course explanations how people become what they are. But the most positive and helpful thing in the book was the statement, that almost nobody is fixed forever on their position at the scale (except they score too big/low and it becomes pathological without hope for any improvement - but again: It's difficult to figure this out without being a professional). There are tips that could help to push an echoist or narcissist more to the middle and I'll definitive give them a try. There are also tips for self protection if you notice that there is no way to cope with the narcissism of your friend, lover or colleague and some warnings how you could spot a narcissist. The book contains chapters about friends, lovers, family, children, colleagues and yourself with appropriate tips. There's also a chapter about social media (again, no demonization).
Personally, I wish I've had found the book earlier. I've spent far too much time with a real energy vampire, always asking myself how to show her that she doesn't have to pretend to be better in front of me, just relax, and have a normal friendship. It was exhausting and now I know that giving up on her was the right thing to do, because she IS way too far off. But of course we all meet other tiring people again and again in our lives and we can't give up on all of them, just because we detect the slightest glimpse of echoism or narcissism. After dealing with echoists and narcissists in my family and circle of friends my alert system is telling me to be really careful with everyone. Well, it pissed me off, because normally I am not a very anxious or paranoid person, so I'm reassured to know, that not every narcissist/echoist is completely lost. Of course it's not our task to help everyone we meet to find the middle, but knowing that there is nothing wrong with pushing a little (and how to do it the right way) feels good. Because there are some inspiring echoists and narcissists out there and they are not just their label, but lovely people who deserve a chance. A careful chance. :'D
February 25, 2017
This is one of the best psychology books I've read. The author, who has over 20 years of experience in psychology (much of it researching and counseling narcissist), does a remarkable job explaining narcissism and it's many factions. He talks of the narcissist scale and the different types of narcissism. He gives great suggestions on how to deal with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits as well as how to stop yourself from sliding toward unhealthy narcissism.
For me, this was such an informative read. There are so many misconceptions about narcissism and narcissist. People hastily label anyone who acts selfishly or has adverse emotions as narcissist. But as Malkin aptly describes, narcissism lives on a sliding scale and not all narcissism is bad. Furthermore, few people truly have narcissistic personality disorder (what myself and I am sure plenty others think of when we accuse someone of being or hear of someone being narcissistic). Malkin also looks at the root of what causes people to act narcissistically and how we (either as the giver or receiver of such acts) can combat this.
Highly recommend.
For me, this was such an informative read. There are so many misconceptions about narcissism and narcissist. People hastily label anyone who acts selfishly or has adverse emotions as narcissist. But as Malkin aptly describes, narcissism lives on a sliding scale and not all narcissism is bad. Furthermore, few people truly have narcissistic personality disorder (what myself and I am sure plenty others think of when we accuse someone of being or hear of someone being narcissistic). Malkin also looks at the root of what causes people to act narcissistically and how we (either as the giver or receiver of such acts) can combat this.
Highly recommend.
July 15, 2016
Dr. Craig explores the meaning of narcissism, starting with the story of Narcissus and delving into different stories (mostly about his clients and friends) and past theories of how narcissistic people behave, providing tips on how to spot, react and treat narcissistic people (within office environments, at home when raising kids, amongst friends and couples). He also discusses about different types of narcissism and explains in details how to avoid the extreme side which is dangerous and how to move closer to the middle spectrum which is healthier for a narcissist and people around them. He generates a simple test that helps explain this idea.
All in all, I found this book very helpful and informative. I learnt a lot about myself and why certain people do what they do. It appears however, according to Dr Craig that everyone has a a bit of a narcissus within them and the level we exhibit depends on our environments and how we were nurtured as children.
All in all, I found this book very helpful and informative. I learnt a lot about myself and why certain people do what they do. It appears however, according to Dr Craig that everyone has a a bit of a narcissus within them and the level we exhibit depends on our environments and how we were nurtured as children.
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