What do you think?
Rate this book
In His Sights: A True Story of Love and Obsession
What if the man you'd loved for years vows, when you leave him, to destroy you? What if he transforms into a ruthless tormentor, stealing your freedom, undermining your sanity, and threatening your safety? This is not a fictional scenario. It is Kate Brennan's life. Kate is a well-respected writer and scholar, a highly independent woman with simple tastes and a complicated romantic past that leave her perfectly content with singlehood. So when she meets Paul—a wealthy, charismatic businessman with a great deal of free time—she's wary of getting involved. Eventually, though, his polished charm and relentless wooing win her over. Things move quickly, and it is only after the two have moved in together that Kate discovers the serial infidelity, the unbalanced psyche, and the sordid secrets lurking under the Mr. Right facade. Kate lets Paul into her life with trepidation, and when she ends the relationship, she finds she can't get him out of it. With limitless resources, he dedicates himself to stalking he tracks her movements, arranges for people to break into her home, interferes with her work, and even relocates to her new neighborhood. His harassment lasts for more than a decade and, as Paul is still at large, it continues to turn Kate's life upside down today. This visceral memoir not only lays bare the mind of a stalker, but also shows how a smart, successful woman can fall prey to a warped and powerful man who has the money and connections to keep her under his watchful eye. Both frightening and insightful, In His Sights is a gripping tale of one woman's descent into the dark side of love and how she has fought—and still struggles—to free herself.
279 pages, Hardcover
First published August 1, 2008
58 people are currently reading
572 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews
August 11, 2016
...there are a lot of people on Goodreads whose reviews are all about how they don't believe the author and how if her situation were real, she would really be doing x, y, and z to solve it. These people remind me of the elementary-school students who enthusiastically derailed the lessons I used to teach about safety by reciting all of the events that occurred in the Home Alone movies. Nope, kids, if you're an ordinary person in a scary situation, you'll probably be confused and unable to make the safest decisions, let alone set up a booby-trap that will simultaneously catch the bad guy, reveal his plan to the cops, and painfully humiliate him.
She doesn't say so, of course, but it makes sense that most of the many personal details in this book -- not just her name -- are fabricated. I think this book is designed to allow the author to heal through telling her story (at least its basic emotional trajectory) and to help readers in similar situations, without giving her stalker anything useful.
Furthermore, even if it is easy for her stalker to see through the pseudonym and recognize who's written this book, there are other compelling reasons not to publish it under her own name. This is someone who's already built a career for herself under her real name. She doesn't need the professional recognition that would come from this one other book. Rather, if she had published this book under her real name, far more people would learn about what has happened to her. Instead of being a writer or teacher or consultant, she would be that writer/teacher/consultant who has a big scandalous stalking problem. Notoriety for this reason would make the stalking even more a part of her personal and professional life than it already is. I think the pseudonym is at least as much to protect her from the public as it is to protect her from her stalker.
Now on to what I was thinking of writing in my review before I looked at other people's...
(1) In the acknowledgements the author says that her agent "understood that the last thing I wanted to do was sensationalize my story." I agree that this is important -- I've seen a lot of books about abuse of various types that seem designed for voyeuristic emotional thrill more than anything else. In this book I think the author is trying to tell her story in a way that is cathartic for her, but also to educate readers. It is an emotional read, frightening and disturbing, but my impression was that this was for veracity and to convey the gravity of the situation, rather than to thrill and fascinate.
The author's stalker is extreme; he has enough money to hire people to watch and threaten her, and he persists in stalking for years with no signs of stopping permanently. However, the author is careful to state that both of these circumstances are extraordinary. Most stalkers give up or shift their attention to someone else after a few years of total non-response from their victims, and of course, most stalkers aren't extremely wealthy with a vast network of contacts. Likewise, while the author describes (at least some of) the many methods she has used to avoid and work against her stalker -- moving again and again, changing cars, false identities, security systems, even hiring a private detective and consulting an expert in forensic psychology -- she notes that her situation is extraordinary. She also seems aware, at least sometimes, that most victims of stalking don't have the financial resources to try most of these things. (She can't depend on some kinds of protection for too long because she can't afford them; but she seems able to easily afford some other things that are way beyond many other people's reach.)
Leaving aside the thought that this situation is someone's real life (to whatever extent the details are accurate as stated), I think this narrative of "this is about the worst kind of stalking that can happen" is instructive. It goes on for so long that the author encounters and describes many different situations. For example, when she first goes to the police (after two years of trying to deal with everything without), she's lucky enough to work with a team of officers and detectives who take her very seriously and give her lots and lots of help. I've met a couple of members of the police who are properly trained about sex-related crimes and it gladdened my heart to read about other trustworthy police. But then, as she moves from place to place, she encounters other local officers who are miserably unhelpful -- so much that she eventually stops reporting most incidents, since she'll only have to tell her entire traumatic story again to another person who won't understand, won't help, and could endanger her even more. I was glad that she was able to write about both of these situations (although of course for her it would be better never to have met any unhelpful police), because it's important to know, if you are being stalked (or are otherwise the victim of a crime), that the police can be extremely helpful ... but they also can, and often do, make the situation worse.
(2) I liked how she wrote about her relationship with her parents. During her childhood and early adulthood, her father was an abusive, active alcoholic, and her mother enabled him. By the time of the events in the book, her father is in recovery and no longer acts abusively toward his family, and her mother has realized her role in the damage that their children received and is also behaving more thoughtfully. Both parents die during the book, but before they do, they have enjoyed years of a close and trusting relationship with their daughter. These relationships are not examined nearly as closely as that of the author and stalker, but they are an important counterpoint: sometimes even really terrible relationships can be mended until they are truly valuable, if the party at fault really understands what went wrong and works to fix it. The trick is recognizing which people not only can but will change. The stalker wouldn't, even if he could.
(3) I have to admit that, beyond my interest in the subject, I picked up this book to read because the first chapter has the author doing research at Haworth -- specifically research about Anne Brontë, my favorite. Her work on the relationship between Anne and Charlotte is a minor theme of the book, and while I suspect that these details are very likely made up to disguise the author's real academic interest, I still like what she says. Anne Brontë's The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is one of my favorite books, and so is George Eliot's Middlemarch. I have the same emotional reaction to them that the author describes in the following passage, and for a similar reason:
(4) [edited to add one more thing] I think it's important to notice that the author is a feminist, personally and professionally. One of her criteria for men is (paraphrasing now since I don't have the book with me) "not chauvinistic," and her career involves writing about women and leading organizations that help women. This is true of her life before she meets her future stalker, during their relationship, and afterwards. The woman her stalker marries after their relationship ends is also a professional feminist. The point is that strong women who understand something about bad gender dynamics can also be vulnerable to an abusive relationship or a stalker. In fact, such women can even take the side of men who are abusive or stalking, instead of supporting the women they have hurt -- that's another thing that happens in this book. (Reminds me of the recent situation with Hugo Schwyzer.)
She doesn't say so, of course, but it makes sense that most of the many personal details in this book -- not just her name -- are fabricated. I think this book is designed to allow the author to heal through telling her story (at least its basic emotional trajectory) and to help readers in similar situations, without giving her stalker anything useful.
Furthermore, even if it is easy for her stalker to see through the pseudonym and recognize who's written this book, there are other compelling reasons not to publish it under her own name. This is someone who's already built a career for herself under her real name. She doesn't need the professional recognition that would come from this one other book. Rather, if she had published this book under her real name, far more people would learn about what has happened to her. Instead of being a writer or teacher or consultant, she would be that writer/teacher/consultant who has a big scandalous stalking problem. Notoriety for this reason would make the stalking even more a part of her personal and professional life than it already is. I think the pseudonym is at least as much to protect her from the public as it is to protect her from her stalker.
Now on to what I was thinking of writing in my review before I looked at other people's...
(1) In the acknowledgements the author says that her agent "understood that the last thing I wanted to do was sensationalize my story." I agree that this is important -- I've seen a lot of books about abuse of various types that seem designed for voyeuristic emotional thrill more than anything else. In this book I think the author is trying to tell her story in a way that is cathartic for her, but also to educate readers. It is an emotional read, frightening and disturbing, but my impression was that this was for veracity and to convey the gravity of the situation, rather than to thrill and fascinate.
The author's stalker is extreme; he has enough money to hire people to watch and threaten her, and he persists in stalking for years with no signs of stopping permanently. However, the author is careful to state that both of these circumstances are extraordinary. Most stalkers give up or shift their attention to someone else after a few years of total non-response from their victims, and of course, most stalkers aren't extremely wealthy with a vast network of contacts. Likewise, while the author describes (at least some of) the many methods she has used to avoid and work against her stalker -- moving again and again, changing cars, false identities, security systems, even hiring a private detective and consulting an expert in forensic psychology -- she notes that her situation is extraordinary. She also seems aware, at least sometimes, that most victims of stalking don't have the financial resources to try most of these things. (She can't depend on some kinds of protection for too long because she can't afford them; but she seems able to easily afford some other things that are way beyond many other people's reach.)
Leaving aside the thought that this situation is someone's real life (to whatever extent the details are accurate as stated), I think this narrative of "this is about the worst kind of stalking that can happen" is instructive. It goes on for so long that the author encounters and describes many different situations. For example, when she first goes to the police (after two years of trying to deal with everything without), she's lucky enough to work with a team of officers and detectives who take her very seriously and give her lots and lots of help. I've met a couple of members of the police who are properly trained about sex-related crimes and it gladdened my heart to read about other trustworthy police. But then, as she moves from place to place, she encounters other local officers who are miserably unhelpful -- so much that she eventually stops reporting most incidents, since she'll only have to tell her entire traumatic story again to another person who won't understand, won't help, and could endanger her even more. I was glad that she was able to write about both of these situations (although of course for her it would be better never to have met any unhelpful police), because it's important to know, if you are being stalked (or are otherwise the victim of a crime), that the police can be extremely helpful ... but they also can, and often do, make the situation worse.
(2) I liked how she wrote about her relationship with her parents. During her childhood and early adulthood, her father was an abusive, active alcoholic, and her mother enabled him. By the time of the events in the book, her father is in recovery and no longer acts abusively toward his family, and her mother has realized her role in the damage that their children received and is also behaving more thoughtfully. Both parents die during the book, but before they do, they have enjoyed years of a close and trusting relationship with their daughter. These relationships are not examined nearly as closely as that of the author and stalker, but they are an important counterpoint: sometimes even really terrible relationships can be mended until they are truly valuable, if the party at fault really understands what went wrong and works to fix it. The trick is recognizing which people not only can but will change. The stalker wouldn't, even if he could.
(3) I have to admit that, beyond my interest in the subject, I picked up this book to read because the first chapter has the author doing research at Haworth -- specifically research about Anne Brontë, my favorite. Her work on the relationship between Anne and Charlotte is a minor theme of the book, and while I suspect that these details are very likely made up to disguise the author's real academic interest, I still like what she says. Anne Brontë's The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is one of my favorite books, and so is George Eliot's Middlemarch. I have the same emotional reaction to them that the author describes in the following passage, and for a similar reason:
These days Middlemarch has extra significance for me, because Dorothea chose badly, very badly. The husband she chose was nasty, cruel, even more so when he realized she saw through him. But she was lucky: he didn't live long enough to punish her for a lifetime. Anne Brontë's Helen in Wildfell Hall lucked out with a death, too. I remember Helen's opening line in a letter toward the end of the book, 'He is gone at last.'Unlike the author of In His Sights, I wouldn't find my life completely transformed by the absence of one person. But I still identify with Dorothea and Helen, and I love to hear that their stories have supported others in the same way they've helped me.
Yes, thinking about Dorothea and Helen helps me keep hope alive.
(4) [edited to add one more thing] I think it's important to notice that the author is a feminist, personally and professionally. One of her criteria for men is (paraphrasing now since I don't have the book with me) "not chauvinistic," and her career involves writing about women and leading organizations that help women. This is true of her life before she meets her future stalker, during their relationship, and afterwards. The woman her stalker marries after their relationship ends is also a professional feminist. The point is that strong women who understand something about bad gender dynamics can also be vulnerable to an abusive relationship or a stalker. In fact, such women can even take the side of men who are abusive or stalking, instead of supporting the women they have hurt -- that's another thing that happens in this book. (Reminds me of the recent situation with Hugo Schwyzer.)
August 23, 2008
Usually I sit right down to write the review after I've finished a book. I couldn't do that with In His Sights. The emotion of it was too raw and the implications too dire. I had to allow the book to 'sink in' somewhat, before putting my thoughts down on paper.
The book is subtitled "A True Story of Love and Obsession" and that line alone describes the entire book. Kate was a completely ordinary person until she started dating the millionaire Paul. In the bright lights of hindsight, the warning bells should have started ringing almost from day one, but Kate grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father, and was therefore more willing to forgive and look past things that others would perhaps have balked at. However, eventually it became too much, even for her, and she decided to leave Paul. But Paul wouldn't allow that - in the past, it had always been he who'd left his girlfriends, and not the other way around, and that was the way it ought to stay, so in an attempt to rewrite history, he started stalking her. At first just by himself, but as time went by, he used his vast fortune to hire others to do his dirty work for him. Kate contacted the appropriate authorities, but nothing she did got him to stop for more than a couple of months at a time.
At the end of the book, Kate is still 'on the run' - moving every couple of months, to get away from his harassment.
I was appalled to read how some people brushed Kate's experiences off with a "He must love you very much." No wonder so few stalkers are actually convicted. But this isn't about love; it's about control.
In His Sights is a no-nonsense and un-sensationalised account of one person's experience with a dedicated stalker, and as such should be required reading - for women to hopefully learn to see the warning signs early enough and take appropriate action; for men to know how to react if somebody they know are pursued by a stalker.
The book is subtitled "A True Story of Love and Obsession" and that line alone describes the entire book. Kate was a completely ordinary person until she started dating the millionaire Paul. In the bright lights of hindsight, the warning bells should have started ringing almost from day one, but Kate grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father, and was therefore more willing to forgive and look past things that others would perhaps have balked at. However, eventually it became too much, even for her, and she decided to leave Paul. But Paul wouldn't allow that - in the past, it had always been he who'd left his girlfriends, and not the other way around, and that was the way it ought to stay, so in an attempt to rewrite history, he started stalking her. At first just by himself, but as time went by, he used his vast fortune to hire others to do his dirty work for him. Kate contacted the appropriate authorities, but nothing she did got him to stop for more than a couple of months at a time.
At the end of the book, Kate is still 'on the run' - moving every couple of months, to get away from his harassment.
I was appalled to read how some people brushed Kate's experiences off with a "He must love you very much." No wonder so few stalkers are actually convicted. But this isn't about love; it's about control.
In His Sights is a no-nonsense and un-sensationalised account of one person's experience with a dedicated stalker, and as such should be required reading - for women to hopefully learn to see the warning signs early enough and take appropriate action; for men to know how to react if somebody they know are pursued by a stalker.
January 28, 2010
Another fake memoir waiting to be revealed.
It makes no sense that the author wrote the book under a pseudonym since Paul, her alleged stalker, knows her real name and she is currently living under an assumed identity. The pseudonym works better to protect her from a slander/defamation suit than to protect her from Paul, since he already knows her name AND she isn't using it any longer.
It makes no sense that with frequent break-ins at her home, she wouldn't use a nanny-cam to document not just that the house was broken into, but who was doing it. Sure, she can't count on the fact that Hired Intruder #26 will confess and say Paul put him up to it, but at least she could inconvenience Paul by having Hired Intruder #26 do some jail time.
And it makes no sense that this man with unlimited resources is going to have trouble finding her if he really wants to. A person in that much danger would have nothing to lose by filing a civil suit (if the police wouldn't bring charges) and making the matter part of the public record--if the man she is describing wanted her dead, she would be. Therefore her silence only strengthens his position.
I read that the New York Times thoroughly investigated her story before accepting that it was true, in order to avoid a Frey situation, but their vetting was looking at police records and verifying things with her therapist, etc. all sources that could only verify that she has long been making claims about Paul, not that anything she is saying is actually true. I can call the police ten times a year and tell them that my home has been broken into and Benicio del Toro is the one who did the breaking in, and when the NYT goes to confirm that, I'm sure they'll find police reports stating that I think Benicio broke into my home, but that won't make it true. Sadly.
It makes no sense that the author wrote the book under a pseudonym since Paul, her alleged stalker, knows her real name and she is currently living under an assumed identity. The pseudonym works better to protect her from a slander/defamation suit than to protect her from Paul, since he already knows her name AND she isn't using it any longer.
It makes no sense that with frequent break-ins at her home, she wouldn't use a nanny-cam to document not just that the house was broken into, but who was doing it. Sure, she can't count on the fact that Hired Intruder #26 will confess and say Paul put him up to it, but at least she could inconvenience Paul by having Hired Intruder #26 do some jail time.
And it makes no sense that this man with unlimited resources is going to have trouble finding her if he really wants to. A person in that much danger would have nothing to lose by filing a civil suit (if the police wouldn't bring charges) and making the matter part of the public record--if the man she is describing wanted her dead, she would be. Therefore her silence only strengthens his position.
I read that the New York Times thoroughly investigated her story before accepting that it was true, in order to avoid a Frey situation, but their vetting was looking at police records and verifying things with her therapist, etc. all sources that could only verify that she has long been making claims about Paul, not that anything she is saying is actually true. I can call the police ten times a year and tell them that my home has been broken into and Benicio del Toro is the one who did the breaking in, and when the NYT goes to confirm that, I'm sure they'll find police reports stating that I think Benicio broke into my home, but that won't make it true. Sadly.
September 2, 2010
Two-thirds of the way into this book, I feel slightly annoyed and highly skeptical. First and foremost, the author's retelling of her story is completely and utterly devoid of any type of emotion - I sense no love for, or dependence on, the guy during the time she was with him; no feelings of insecurity or self-doubt that led her to stay with him for 3 years; and no sense of fear after she realized he was crazy, left him, and was subsequently stalked for many years afterward. If this all truly happened as she tells it, then where is the emotion, the fear? I don't feel anything whatsoever from the author in this regard, and I therefore feel no connection to her at all. Which, of course, makes it very hard to care.
Secondly, and maybe this is just a personal pet-peeve, but I can't stand the term "my stalker". The word "my" just seems to reinforce a connection with the guy, and it almost sounds as if the author feels flattered that someone would go so far as to follow her around and be so determined not to let her go.
There is one point in the book when she's in her bedroom and hears someone rattling at the door trying to get in. Then he goes around to the back door and tries again. She considers calling the police, but doesn't, because she says she's given up hope that anyone can protect her (nevermind the fact that he has caused her no bodily harm whatsoever thus far, hasn't done anything more than just the mildest annoyance). I am pretty certain that if someone were trying to break into my house in the middle of the night, I would damn well call the police! I mean, COME ON. The author does nothing more than contemplate jumping out her bedroom window onto the roof below, and then she gets back in bed, secure in the fact that the would-be intruder is gone once the rattling stops. This reeks of either stupidity or untruth.
I guess I'm just cynical, but it seems to me that this either a) never happened and is nothing but a money-making ploy, or b) is an attempt to gain attention and sympathy. The bio in the back of the book reads: "Kate Brennan is an alias used to protect the author's real identity. She has been a freelance writer (under her real name) for more than thirty years with a focus on women's issues. She has also taught English and women's studies at a number of colleges. Her stalker remains at large." This begs the question, WHY would she write and teach under her own name if she is so frightened of this guy finding her and doing her harm? Why conceal her identity with this book if she uses her real name elsewhere? I can understand not wanting to antagonize the guy, but honestly, if he happens to hear about or read this book, don't you think he will recognize himself? So what's the point? It just seems like a marketing ploy to me. Also, what does this mean, "Her stalker remains at large". Is he in hiding and on the run from the police? Or is he simply not bothering her anymore?
I could say much more, but I'll keep the rest of my negative opinions to myself!
Secondly, and maybe this is just a personal pet-peeve, but I can't stand the term "my stalker". The word "my" just seems to reinforce a connection with the guy, and it almost sounds as if the author feels flattered that someone would go so far as to follow her around and be so determined not to let her go.
There is one point in the book when she's in her bedroom and hears someone rattling at the door trying to get in. Then he goes around to the back door and tries again. She considers calling the police, but doesn't, because she says she's given up hope that anyone can protect her (nevermind the fact that he has caused her no bodily harm whatsoever thus far, hasn't done anything more than just the mildest annoyance). I am pretty certain that if someone were trying to break into my house in the middle of the night, I would damn well call the police! I mean, COME ON. The author does nothing more than contemplate jumping out her bedroom window onto the roof below, and then she gets back in bed, secure in the fact that the would-be intruder is gone once the rattling stops. This reeks of either stupidity or untruth.
I guess I'm just cynical, but it seems to me that this either a) never happened and is nothing but a money-making ploy, or b) is an attempt to gain attention and sympathy. The bio in the back of the book reads: "Kate Brennan is an alias used to protect the author's real identity. She has been a freelance writer (under her real name) for more than thirty years with a focus on women's issues. She has also taught English and women's studies at a number of colleges. Her stalker remains at large." This begs the question, WHY would she write and teach under her own name if she is so frightened of this guy finding her and doing her harm? Why conceal her identity with this book if she uses her real name elsewhere? I can understand not wanting to antagonize the guy, but honestly, if he happens to hear about or read this book, don't you think he will recognize himself? So what's the point? It just seems like a marketing ploy to me. Also, what does this mean, "Her stalker remains at large". Is he in hiding and on the run from the police? Or is he simply not bothering her anymore?
I could say much more, but I'll keep the rest of my negative opinions to myself!
February 4, 2009
Another very bizarre memoir that left me wondering about the author's motives (and my own in reading it). Basically, it's the story of a woman who's been stalked by an ex-boyfriend for 14 years.
The author claims to be using an alias because she's still afraid of her stalker, while promoting the book on NPR, and in the New York Times and several other rather high profile media outlets. Did she think he wouldn't hear about the book? He already knows who she is, how does it protect her for the reader not to know? Or maybe he would just assume it was about some other guy who stalked his girlfriend for 14 years. It almost seemed like she was trying to rile him.
The stalker is clearly a very disturbed and nasty guy, but the author describes herself making so many bad choices that my sympathy was more than a little strained by the end. Interestingly, there's another character in the book who serves as a kind of good alter ego to the bad stalker, a "friend" who calls and asks her to marry him every few years, but Brennan never seems to notice the parallel. The writing style has a bland, schizoid quality that added to my difficulty connecting with the narrator. Overall, a very creepy book that I kind of wish I hadn't read.
The author claims to be using an alias because she's still afraid of her stalker, while promoting the book on NPR, and in the New York Times and several other rather high profile media outlets. Did she think he wouldn't hear about the book? He already knows who she is, how does it protect her for the reader not to know? Or maybe he would just assume it was about some other guy who stalked his girlfriend for 14 years. It almost seemed like she was trying to rile him.
The stalker is clearly a very disturbed and nasty guy, but the author describes herself making so many bad choices that my sympathy was more than a little strained by the end. Interestingly, there's another character in the book who serves as a kind of good alter ego to the bad stalker, a "friend" who calls and asks her to marry him every few years, but Brennan never seems to notice the parallel. The writing style has a bland, schizoid quality that added to my difficulty connecting with the narrator. Overall, a very creepy book that I kind of wish I hadn't read.
December 3, 2008
The first part of this reads like a horror movie with a really pompous main character. I didn't care for her writing style, and the events she details make you keep thinking, "Oh! No - don't go in there, don't go in that dark room." Maybe just those of us who have had abusive, controlling boyfriends will think that, but jeez, you can see this dude coming a mile away. And then I wonder, how many Anne Bronte scholars are out there anyway? She isn't doing a very good job "hiding" if even I can figure out where she worked in Minneapolis.
Having said that though, the book is a page-turner, and you are sort of rooting for her by the end, just because this dude is such a prick. If even one woman who reads it manages to avoid a psycho boyfriend experience because she figures out some red flags, it's done a good thing.
Having said that though, the book is a page-turner, and you are sort of rooting for her by the end, just because this dude is such a prick. If even one woman who reads it manages to avoid a psycho boyfriend experience because she figures out some red flags, it's done a good thing.
August 8, 2011
I'm very much on the fence about this book.
From my recollection, Kate never sees Paul again after the day she leaves him in his driveway. It just seemed odd that he put so much effort into stalking her, while she showed such little emotion. I kept waiting for some big payoff where she caught him doing something deviant, some sort of confrontation. But nope. Just moving around residences and coming home to open doors. Maybe that is my problem, I'm looking for the hollywood dramatics, if I really think about it, what was happening to her was horrifying.
From my recollection, Kate never sees Paul again after the day she leaves him in his driveway. It just seemed odd that he put so much effort into stalking her, while she showed such little emotion. I kept waiting for some big payoff where she caught him doing something deviant, some sort of confrontation. But nope. Just moving around residences and coming home to open doors. Maybe that is my problem, I'm looking for the hollywood dramatics, if I really think about it, what was happening to her was horrifying.
September 10, 2012
I was reminded of this book as I read a more current novel regarding a stalker; the difference is Kate Brennan's story is true. I read it a few year ago and never forgot it; the details seemed very credible and haunting. The police can't do a thing because her stalker doesn't step over the line; he just does everything else to make his presence known. She's constantly changing her life and yet he's still there in the shadows. I hope whomever Kate Brennan is she is still safe.
September 16, 2021
This was the second time to read this book which is a real eye-opener about stalking and how our families and our up bringing can cause us to be so vulnerable. I firmly believe we need guide books to our particular life difficulties. Who would write them is the dilemma. Imagine inviting impossible and dangerous situations into your life because we think they fulfill us. HELP!!
February 18, 2025
Schokkend en toch boeiend
October 9, 2008
ARG! I love/hate books like this: I cannot put them down because I am consumed by the story, but something about then makes me not love it. Such a dichotomy! Ok, honestly, I don’t know 100% what ‘dichotomy’ means, but it seems like it should be the right word (‘di’ = two, as in the two different feelings I have and ‘chotomy’=my feelings?? There, that’s my breakdown of the word. Take it or leave it.) It makes them difficult to rate with a simple 5 star ranking.
But seriously, I read this book PDQ. I was dying to know what would happen next. One morning I was reading about when someone was trying to break into her house. She heard a metal against metal sound. I was so involved that when I heard some metal sounds outside my bedroom that I almost fainted from fright! Turns out my cats were just playing ‘jungle kitty’ and Rocco was using the washing machine as a spring board to jump on Jupiter and tackle him. As punishment I only petted Rocco five times before I left for work, instead of the usual ten times.
But on the other side of the chotomy was that the author sort of a had a pitiful tone to her writing. Like this: Oh man, this guy was soooo mean to me and a jerk and my parent’s were alcoholics and oh poor me! I agree, the guy was (is?) a psycho liar jerk bucket! And holy crap, the patooties would be scared out of me if I was her. I’d also probably be a pitiful mess.
So, read it. And be thankful that no one “loves” you as much as this weirdo “loves” her.
----------------------------------------
My Experience With Stalking or Why I Did Not Get Married At BYU:
I went on a date with a guy. I think we probably met online. The date was weird and there was no spark whatsoever. Well, I thought there was no spark. I assumed that he felt no spark because he never called back. I can’t remember his name, so I’ll call him Filbert.
A few MONTHS later someone tapped on the window of my bedroom at about 2:30 in the morning. Since my room was right on the main walkway into the apartment complex, it wasn’t unusual for people to tap on my window as a ‘hello’. And my light was on, so it wasn’t super weird even though it was 2:30 am. I opened the blinds and there was a dude that I did not recognize standing in the bushes right outside my window (it was a first floor apartment). Yikes! So I cracked my window an inch (looking back, I have no idea why I did this instead of calling 911) and said, “Hello?” He said: “It’s me!” I said, “Oh, hi.” I still had no clue, but I didn’t want to be rude (again, why?) So I told him I couldn’t see him very well and didn’t have my glasses on. He told me it was him, Filbert! So I said, “Uh…hi, how ya been?” He went on to explain to me why he hadn’t called back: A few days after we went on our date he got accepted to medical school and then the semester ended and he had to move to Texas. But he had thought about me all those months and decided to drive all night to come and see me. I thanked him so much for the visit. I lowered my blinds. Then I ran like hell down the hall to make sure the front door was locked. I never heard from him again.
But seriously, I read this book PDQ. I was dying to know what would happen next. One morning I was reading about when someone was trying to break into her house. She heard a metal against metal sound. I was so involved that when I heard some metal sounds outside my bedroom that I almost fainted from fright! Turns out my cats were just playing ‘jungle kitty’ and Rocco was using the washing machine as a spring board to jump on Jupiter and tackle him. As punishment I only petted Rocco five times before I left for work, instead of the usual ten times.
But on the other side of the chotomy was that the author sort of a had a pitiful tone to her writing. Like this: Oh man, this guy was soooo mean to me and a jerk and my parent’s were alcoholics and oh poor me! I agree, the guy was (is?) a psycho liar jerk bucket! And holy crap, the patooties would be scared out of me if I was her. I’d also probably be a pitiful mess.
So, read it. And be thankful that no one “loves” you as much as this weirdo “loves” her.
----------------------------------------
My Experience With Stalking or Why I Did Not Get Married At BYU:
I went on a date with a guy. I think we probably met online. The date was weird and there was no spark whatsoever. Well, I thought there was no spark. I assumed that he felt no spark because he never called back. I can’t remember his name, so I’ll call him Filbert.
A few MONTHS later someone tapped on the window of my bedroom at about 2:30 in the morning. Since my room was right on the main walkway into the apartment complex, it wasn’t unusual for people to tap on my window as a ‘hello’. And my light was on, so it wasn’t super weird even though it was 2:30 am. I opened the blinds and there was a dude that I did not recognize standing in the bushes right outside my window (it was a first floor apartment). Yikes! So I cracked my window an inch (looking back, I have no idea why I did this instead of calling 911) and said, “Hello?” He said: “It’s me!” I said, “Oh, hi.” I still had no clue, but I didn’t want to be rude (again, why?) So I told him I couldn’t see him very well and didn’t have my glasses on. He told me it was him, Filbert! So I said, “Uh…hi, how ya been?” He went on to explain to me why he hadn’t called back: A few days after we went on our date he got accepted to medical school and then the semester ended and he had to move to Texas. But he had thought about me all those months and decided to drive all night to come and see me. I thanked him so much for the visit. I lowered my blinds. Then I ran like hell down the hall to make sure the front door was locked. I never heard from him again.
February 7, 2015
I have somewhat mixed feelings about this book, which is a typical reaction for a memoir. Memoirists always come off as narcissistic because the stories are told from their perspective, and we all have warped ideas about our flaws, so I expected to not feel completely "warm and fuzzy" toward the author. And, really, she wasn't that bad when it came to glorifying herself. I think that's what made it such a hard read. Even when she felt good about herself, you could tell that her background had made her more prone to bouts of lower self-esteem. And those moments were a little trigger-y for me, so that made me feel even worse about this book.
The writing was okay. I would have considered it great if the writer weren't a lecturer of college English classes. I expected more from her, but it was very bland and was often a bit repetitive.
I tried not to judge her personal decisions too much, but I did judge the way that she handled them with the book. I understand why she would want to give anonymity to herself, her friends, and her family. I also understand why she would have to extend that anonymity to the stalker. The problem with all of this is that changing a person's name in a book doesn't necessarily guarantee that you are keeping their identity secret. When she gave specific dates and details of things, specifically of the stalker's father's murder, that little creepy curiosity that lies within my brain had me Googling things. And within a very short amount of time, I had figured out who the stalker's father was and, from the details she gave, who the stalker is. It was also easy to figure out the city she lived in through the majority of the book and the university that she worked at. If she was so used to living under the radar, I would hope that she would have known how to be a bit more secretive. I believe that she has been stalked and that her stalker may be continuing his torment of her, but I think that this book, as it was written, was a really bad idea. It seems to be more of something that would provoke some sort of badness in her life.
As I mentioned earlier, there were some things that were triggering. His emotional abuse of her during the relationship, as well as the events that occurred afterward, were very disturbing. There are some sexual things that "Paul" said about underage girls that were quite disgusting/disturbing. Those things alone might keep some people from reading this book, and you should know that they are in the book before you stumble across them. There are also mentions of incest and alcoholism.
Anyway, the book didn't really teach me anything I didn't already know about stalking. It is intriguing to read about, but I wish that she had been more emotive in the story. It almost felt like she was dissociating in some parts of the story. It's interesting, but it isn't really something that I think anyone must read. Basically, it doesn't suck, but people might find it to be a decent read.
The writing was okay. I would have considered it great if the writer weren't a lecturer of college English classes. I expected more from her, but it was very bland and was often a bit repetitive.
I tried not to judge her personal decisions too much, but I did judge the way that she handled them with the book. I understand why she would want to give anonymity to herself, her friends, and her family. I also understand why she would have to extend that anonymity to the stalker. The problem with all of this is that changing a person's name in a book doesn't necessarily guarantee that you are keeping their identity secret. When she gave specific dates and details of things, specifically of the stalker's father's murder, that little creepy curiosity that lies within my brain had me Googling things. And within a very short amount of time, I had figured out who the stalker's father was and, from the details she gave, who the stalker is. It was also easy to figure out the city she lived in through the majority of the book and the university that she worked at. If she was so used to living under the radar, I would hope that she would have known how to be a bit more secretive. I believe that she has been stalked and that her stalker may be continuing his torment of her, but I think that this book, as it was written, was a really bad idea. It seems to be more of something that would provoke some sort of badness in her life.
As I mentioned earlier, there were some things that were triggering. His emotional abuse of her during the relationship, as well as the events that occurred afterward, were very disturbing. There are some sexual things that "Paul" said about underage girls that were quite disgusting/disturbing. Those things alone might keep some people from reading this book, and you should know that they are in the book before you stumble across them. There are also mentions of incest and alcoholism.
Anyway, the book didn't really teach me anything I didn't already know about stalking. It is intriguing to read about, but I wish that she had been more emotive in the story. It almost felt like she was dissociating in some parts of the story. It's interesting, but it isn't really something that I think anyone must read. Basically, it doesn't suck, but people might find it to be a decent read.
July 21, 2018
In His Sights begins with the author researching Anne Bronte, the least known of the famous writing sisters. It was 1991 when Kate Brennan (a pseudonym) met Paul, a wealthy part time photographer who mostly lived a life of leisure. Their unusual first date took place at his father’s funeral. Even more bizarre was the fact that the deceased had been strangled in his home. Paul, like me, does not drink because he can’t stand the taste of alcohol. Kate’s family had a history of problems with whiskey. He showed her his house and it was spectacular, sounding like Brideshead Revisited. Her family met the manor born man and one of her brothers commented that it must be nice not to have to work for a living. Kate saw it as another example of her brood’s typical Irish sarcasm. After moving into Paul’s palatial estate, the fairy tale romance quickly soured. Paul was undergoing therapy for sex addiction and consuming anti-depressants. The troubled man informed his lover that he was not sexually attracted to her. He was twice divorced and Kate had been through several failed relationships; a match made in heaven. Both were in their early 40’s, but neither seemed to have learned anything of value at mid-life. After three years together, Kate moved into a friend’s house and Paul phoned several times a day, pleading for another chance. Kate’s life quickly became a nightmare. Her power went out, her phone was disconnected and her apartment was unlocked when she came home from work. Paul had numerous shady friends including a computer hacker. He bought a house next door to Kate’s apartment complex. She moved again. After being stalked for two years, Kate finally went to the police. They checked out details of her story and were able to verify it. A detective advised Kate to travel far away under an assumed name while they interviewed the suspect. She ventured to London and her nemesis denied stalking her. She was stalking him. Kate moved sixteen times in as many months. A cop recommended a gun for personal protection. A therapist diagnosed PTSD. An expert on stalking warned Kate that Paul was extremely dangerous because of his financial resources. It allowed surrogates to harass her, and they did. A note with “bitch” appeared on her windshield and a threatening voicemail was received at work. To relieve stress, Kate wrote angry poems. Several more times her doors were unlocked when she got home. It was impossible for the police to prove Paul’s culpability. Phone lines were tampered with, and at this point the story is Kafkaesque. Truth is truly stranger than fiction, and it is the reason that I mostly read non-fiction. Read In His Sights with the lights on. Kate Brennan’s story is far more frightening than anything from a writer’s imagination. The boogeyman is real, so keep your doors locked and a loaded shotgun nearby.
September 23, 2015
I seriously don't get this book.
It's not particularly well written, it's filled with cheesy imagery, and the main 'character' is intensely dislikable despite her repeated affirmations that she is a wonderful, strong, independent woman. But that has nothing to do with whether or not she was a victim of a terrible crime and should not influence you either way. When I first started the book, I thought 'oh, well she's not your typical 'victim'...she actually seems like a real person with flaws.' This soon gets old as you slowly realise that she does not consider herself imperfect in any way ( the supporting 'characters' in this tale are often complementing her intelligence, independence and style)
The 'story' is at best unbelievable. There are too many points where, as a reader, you will be flabbergasted by the victim's actions. At it's worst, you will be wondering how this 'story' has not been considered slander by 'Paul' or any of the others who are concerned with this 'true story' (many of whom I doubt actually exist). The worst part is the implication that the 'stalker' murdered his own father (and if you read deeper, I truly believe the author is insinuating that 'her' stalker murdered his own mother as well). The 'detectives' open her eyes to the fact that even though a man was convicted and sentenced to the death penalty, he may have done it for the money (and conveniently neglect the fact THAT THE MURDER WAS VIDEOTAPED).
It's all too convenient for me. A 'victim' with an alcoholic father and enabling mother. A stalker with a sex addiction (which is never really evidenced in the first section of the book that details the actual relationship) who is also independently wealthy, a wealth that allows him to pay 'the best computer hacker in the world' and practically everyone the author knows to terrorise her. Detectives who tell the victim 'not to bother' with a restraining order? The police who do NOTHING to help. The author's decisions to not report many incidents of harassment that occur
And then there's the 'therapy' aspect of this tale. It's a running theme throughout the book, from the initial relationship troubles all the way through to the conclusion. The psycobabble comes thick and fast.
This story could be authentic, there are hundreds of Women and Men who are stalked everyday and their stories are horrific. There's just something here that doesn't ring true.
It's not particularly well written, it's filled with cheesy imagery, and the main 'character' is intensely dislikable despite her repeated affirmations that she is a wonderful, strong, independent woman. But that has nothing to do with whether or not she was a victim of a terrible crime and should not influence you either way. When I first started the book, I thought 'oh, well she's not your typical 'victim'...she actually seems like a real person with flaws.' This soon gets old as you slowly realise that she does not consider herself imperfect in any way ( the supporting 'characters' in this tale are often complementing her intelligence, independence and style)
The 'story' is at best unbelievable. There are too many points where, as a reader, you will be flabbergasted by the victim's actions. At it's worst, you will be wondering how this 'story' has not been considered slander by 'Paul' or any of the others who are concerned with this 'true story' (many of whom I doubt actually exist). The worst part is the implication that the 'stalker' murdered his own father (and if you read deeper, I truly believe the author is insinuating that 'her' stalker murdered his own mother as well). The 'detectives' open her eyes to the fact that even though a man was convicted and sentenced to the death penalty, he may have done it for the money (and conveniently neglect the fact THAT THE MURDER WAS VIDEOTAPED).
It's all too convenient for me. A 'victim' with an alcoholic father and enabling mother. A stalker with a sex addiction (which is never really evidenced in the first section of the book that details the actual relationship) who is also independently wealthy, a wealth that allows him to pay 'the best computer hacker in the world' and practically everyone the author knows to terrorise her. Detectives who tell the victim 'not to bother' with a restraining order? The police who do NOTHING to help. The author's decisions to not report many incidents of harassment that occur
And then there's the 'therapy' aspect of this tale. It's a running theme throughout the book, from the initial relationship troubles all the way through to the conclusion. The psycobabble comes thick and fast.
This story could be authentic, there are hundreds of Women and Men who are stalked everyday and their stories are horrific. There's just something here that doesn't ring true.
January 2, 2019
I'll be honest, I normally don't write reviews. Many reasons, but mostly just because I am lazy. However, after reading some of the other reviews on this book, I just had to put in my two cents.
This book is well written - it reads like a fiction novel, which apparently some people believe it makes the entire story fake. The author is reflecting back and is giving some foreshadowing to the dark stuff that will begin once the relationship ends; this is called Hindsight, and it's always 20/20. We've all been there - in the "perfect" relationship and then slowly you start making excuses for behavior you don't like about the other person, which eventually leads to one of you reaching your breaking point, and then the relationship is over. Once it becomes history, you reflect back and think "how could I have been so stupid? The writing was right on the wall, it was not a good relationship"
This story is the worst kind of ending to a relationship, and I can guarantee you that it happens more often than we like. It is chilling, creepy, and yes - it does make me frustrated that the author can't seem to break free of this dumb cycle. However, it's not her fault - she's doing everything she thinks is the right thing to do. I've never been in this situation, I've lived in a pretty happy bubble where my worst relationships end and I just have to deal with a couple drunk calls or texts, so I can't imagine what I would do in this situation.
Regardless of whether you truly believe this happened to the author please save your judgements because either she's going through this and you're being just as oppressive as some of the people she's described in her book, or she made it up and it's just a good story. Even if the latter is the case - THIS STORY DOES HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE TO REAL PEOPLE. It happens to both men and women, it happens to young people and old people, rich people or poor people. Abuse, stalking, and personally terrorizing does happen all over the world.
Thank you "Kate Brennan" for sharing your story and hopefully making people more aware to be cautious, making people to have empathy for things they don't necessarily understand, and to hopefully give other people the courage to seek help and break free.
This book is well written - it reads like a fiction novel, which apparently some people believe it makes the entire story fake. The author is reflecting back and is giving some foreshadowing to the dark stuff that will begin once the relationship ends; this is called Hindsight, and it's always 20/20. We've all been there - in the "perfect" relationship and then slowly you start making excuses for behavior you don't like about the other person, which eventually leads to one of you reaching your breaking point, and then the relationship is over. Once it becomes history, you reflect back and think "how could I have been so stupid? The writing was right on the wall, it was not a good relationship"
This story is the worst kind of ending to a relationship, and I can guarantee you that it happens more often than we like. It is chilling, creepy, and yes - it does make me frustrated that the author can't seem to break free of this dumb cycle. However, it's not her fault - she's doing everything she thinks is the right thing to do. I've never been in this situation, I've lived in a pretty happy bubble where my worst relationships end and I just have to deal with a couple drunk calls or texts, so I can't imagine what I would do in this situation.
Regardless of whether you truly believe this happened to the author please save your judgements because either she's going through this and you're being just as oppressive as some of the people she's described in her book, or she made it up and it's just a good story. Even if the latter is the case - THIS STORY DOES HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE TO REAL PEOPLE. It happens to both men and women, it happens to young people and old people, rich people or poor people. Abuse, stalking, and personally terrorizing does happen all over the world.
Thank you "Kate Brennan" for sharing your story and hopefully making people more aware to be cautious, making people to have empathy for things they don't necessarily understand, and to hopefully give other people the courage to seek help and break free.
June 8, 2012
This book was amazing. Kate Brennan is an author who usually writes fiction, however this is her own true story of love, obsession, revenge, fear and the very dark and dangerous side of “love”.
Kate is not the usual person you would expect to be the subject of a stalker, she is an intelligent, successful woman with no children and none of the ties that would seem to bind in the majority of these cases, she is older and worldly wise and not married to Paul though they do live together at one point.
Paul is rich, handsome and has power, a perfect match it would appear on the surface. He portrays the role of the prince until he is unmasked and his true evil is bared for all to see.
Kate talks honestly about how the relationship began, how it ended and how this rich and powerful man made her life a living hell, had her moving so many times that in the end she carried few possessions, had few friends left she could safely turn to and had to fight to get back any semblance of her old existence.
Without doubt this book is a must read for anyone interested in stalking, a victim of stalking or know someone who has been, it will give you a great insight into how it happens and while its not a one case fits all, it is honest and compelling and shows how easily making one wrong choice can impact your life forever.
I really enjoyed this book and hope you will too
Kate is not the usual person you would expect to be the subject of a stalker, she is an intelligent, successful woman with no children and none of the ties that would seem to bind in the majority of these cases, she is older and worldly wise and not married to Paul though they do live together at one point.
Paul is rich, handsome and has power, a perfect match it would appear on the surface. He portrays the role of the prince until he is unmasked and his true evil is bared for all to see.
Kate talks honestly about how the relationship began, how it ended and how this rich and powerful man made her life a living hell, had her moving so many times that in the end she carried few possessions, had few friends left she could safely turn to and had to fight to get back any semblance of her old existence.
Without doubt this book is a must read for anyone interested in stalking, a victim of stalking or know someone who has been, it will give you a great insight into how it happens and while its not a one case fits all, it is honest and compelling and shows how easily making one wrong choice can impact your life forever.
I really enjoyed this book and hope you will too
May 27, 2013
This is a genuinely creepy account of one woman's experience with love, and the obsession that took hold of her life after love was long gone. The development of the story was pretty surprising. There were so many times that I thought the stalker would just disappear from her life on his own free will. It didn't really ever sound like a pleasant relationship. Of course, I'm reading about it in a memoir about stalking. This book could be very valuable for women to read. It's difficult sometimes to be a person that refuses to give up on others. Growing up with addiction and mental illness in the family can make it impossible to walk away once you get an uneasy feeling. Everyone deserves love and forgiveness, and like the author; I'm glad the women in my family have stuck by the potentially toxic men they've chosen to devote their lives to. Sometimes it doesn't work out, and fortunately, Kate Brennan was able to live and write about her experiences.
July 7, 2010
Although the Kate Brennan made me angry with her initial refusal to see what a bad relationship/situation she was in, I can't judge her too harshly because I don't know what I would have done if I was in her shoes. I did admire Kate Brennan's courage to seek help & end her horrible situation - I just wish she had done it sooner. But of course hindsight is always 20/20.
Well written story/memoir that held my interest until the end. I'd like to know what's happened since this book was published.
Well written story/memoir that held my interest until the end. I'd like to know what's happened since this book was published.
July 7, 2013
I have never been stalked and hope I never will be so I take my hat off to this author who was able to keep it together all those years but I didn't really like the style of writing and I felt a real lack of emotion in this book. There seemed to be a lack of detail as if only the surface was being skimmed just enough to make a readable story.
September 8, 2008
Interesting, frustrating, and terrifying. What a tragedy to have your entire life brought to a standstill by this rich, crazy, creep. I feel bad for this woman. Thank heavens I have always had the good sense to not fall in love with someone very wealthy.
September 24, 2010
This memoir (written under a pseudonym) vividly portrays what it's like to be stalked--the loss of freedom is terrifying. Very effective, and disturbing. And hard to stop reading.
January 11, 2018
Excellent true life story of a woman stalked by her ex forever.
January 1, 2024
Just because someone is being stalked doesn’t mean we have to like them. Have sympathy for them? Sure. Feel terror for them? Despair? Hopelessness? Well, come on -- this author is a human being. OF COURSE we’re going to feel some sort of SOMETHING for her. I mean, this woman was STALKED by a very unhinged and distasteful person for a ridiculous amount of time, throwing her life into havoc, and keeping her from creating any semblance of peace or security.
But damn! This is one unlikeable woman.
She often comes off as pretentious, and smarmy. Look, have your feelings, say your things, but do you have to be so damn self-righteous about it all? Here are two examples that prove how she just rubbed me the wrong way:
Ever hear the Berber proverb about getting between the fingernail and the skin?” I ask. “That’s how I must feel to Paul.”
The private detective says, “I misunderstood. I thought you said you were a writer.”
“I am,” I say.
“And a psychologist,” he says. It’s not a question.
“No, just a writer.”
He laughs. “Well, you sound like a psychologist. You’ve really got this guy pegged, and it’s the kind of psychological description that fits what’s going on.”
“I read a lot,” I say.
“I’d say so,” says the ex-trooper’s partner.
Ah-ha! You are so audaciously SMART that even seasoned specialists in their field peg you as an expert in PSYCHOLOGY because it’s obvious you read a lot. Yes, I’d say so!!!
Blah-blah-blah.
Here’s another eye-roller:
I tell the main presenter I’m being stalked and would like to consult with the country’s most knowledgeable expert. “I want that to be my specialty,” she says, “so even though I’m new at it, I’d be happy to consult with you.” “Thank you,” I say in my most polite voice, “but I can’t afford to be on anyone’s learning curve. Who’s the best now?” I keep smiling even though I’d like to give her a verbal slap for taking this so lightly.
SHE’S taking it lightly? SHE is? She’s offering to help you and SHE’S the one who’s not being sincere. Because, what - she’s too green for you? You are so damn special, so particularly remarkable in your stalkerness that you need THE MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE EXPERT.
Here’s what you COULD have said - and I’m just spitballing here.
Main presenter: “... be happy to consult with you.”
You: “You would? Seriously? Wow! How generous of you! How validating! I’m honored that you’d want to help me with my seriously threatening and life-altering problem. Are there any others in the field that you know of we could loop in along the way? Other resources you know of as well? I’m desperate to stop this harassment and could use all the help I can get!”
There. I fixed it for you.
Also, the beginning of the book is chock full of “silk this” and “linen that” like no one in this circle ever found a cotton poly blend they enjoyed. Or even passed briefly in the country clubs or various halls of academia.
Before you come for me telling me I have no idea what it’s like to be in her shoes, so shut up …
1) I’m critiquing - at best - her writing style and - at worst - her personality. Not her situation or her story.
2) I was actually the victim of a stalker, albeit for a very short time. The intensity, however, was no less frightening, and my friends/family/etc were sure I was being overly dramatic since the person doing it was a) a relative of a family friend and b) a female.
There is one line, quite near the end of the book, where the author posits - “The only thing that’s certain is this: I can never return to life as I once knew it, and I’ll never know the life I might have had.” And with that thought expressed, I’m willing to give a little leniency.
With a different set of circumstances, this woman may have been softer, politer, less prickly, less angry at the world. And that woman’s voice would have been quite different from this woman’s.
Still, I did not like the woman who wrote as Kate Brennan. I feel for her. I hope that the stalking (which was still happening after 13 years in 2008 when this book was published) is over. If not, I hope Kate has managed a way of life that works for her, and found answers in therapy. And for her sake, I hope Paul has the end he deserves.
But damn! This is one unlikeable woman.
She often comes off as pretentious, and smarmy. Look, have your feelings, say your things, but do you have to be so damn self-righteous about it all? Here are two examples that prove how she just rubbed me the wrong way:
Ever hear the Berber proverb about getting between the fingernail and the skin?” I ask. “That’s how I must feel to Paul.”
The private detective says, “I misunderstood. I thought you said you were a writer.”
“I am,” I say.
“And a psychologist,” he says. It’s not a question.
“No, just a writer.”
He laughs. “Well, you sound like a psychologist. You’ve really got this guy pegged, and it’s the kind of psychological description that fits what’s going on.”
“I read a lot,” I say.
“I’d say so,” says the ex-trooper’s partner.
Ah-ha! You are so audaciously SMART that even seasoned specialists in their field peg you as an expert in PSYCHOLOGY because it’s obvious you read a lot. Yes, I’d say so!!!
Blah-blah-blah.
Here’s another eye-roller:
I tell the main presenter I’m being stalked and would like to consult with the country’s most knowledgeable expert. “I want that to be my specialty,” she says, “so even though I’m new at it, I’d be happy to consult with you.” “Thank you,” I say in my most polite voice, “but I can’t afford to be on anyone’s learning curve. Who’s the best now?” I keep smiling even though I’d like to give her a verbal slap for taking this so lightly.
SHE’S taking it lightly? SHE is? She’s offering to help you and SHE’S the one who’s not being sincere. Because, what - she’s too green for you? You are so damn special, so particularly remarkable in your stalkerness that you need THE MOST KNOWLEDGEABLE EXPERT.
Here’s what you COULD have said - and I’m just spitballing here.
Main presenter: “... be happy to consult with you.”
You: “You would? Seriously? Wow! How generous of you! How validating! I’m honored that you’d want to help me with my seriously threatening and life-altering problem. Are there any others in the field that you know of we could loop in along the way? Other resources you know of as well? I’m desperate to stop this harassment and could use all the help I can get!”
There. I fixed it for you.
Also, the beginning of the book is chock full of “silk this” and “linen that” like no one in this circle ever found a cotton poly blend they enjoyed. Or even passed briefly in the country clubs or various halls of academia.
Before you come for me telling me I have no idea what it’s like to be in her shoes, so shut up …
1) I’m critiquing - at best - her writing style and - at worst - her personality. Not her situation or her story.
2) I was actually the victim of a stalker, albeit for a very short time. The intensity, however, was no less frightening, and my friends/family/etc were sure I was being overly dramatic since the person doing it was a) a relative of a family friend and b) a female.
There is one line, quite near the end of the book, where the author posits - “The only thing that’s certain is this: I can never return to life as I once knew it, and I’ll never know the life I might have had.” And with that thought expressed, I’m willing to give a little leniency.
With a different set of circumstances, this woman may have been softer, politer, less prickly, less angry at the world. And that woman’s voice would have been quite different from this woman’s.
Still, I did not like the woman who wrote as Kate Brennan. I feel for her. I hope that the stalking (which was still happening after 13 years in 2008 when this book was published) is over. If not, I hope Kate has managed a way of life that works for her, and found answers in therapy. And for her sake, I hope Paul has the end he deserves.
September 15, 2018
A lucid, straightforward, highly readable narrator who aims to be strong and transparent. This memoir is about a woman who breaks ups with toxic, emotionally abusive guy after 2 years and subsequently, this guy hires OTHER PEOPLE to stalk her, break into her apartment, follow her, move items in her home around just enough to indicate that someone's invaded, and other actions to terrorize, torment, and put her in a state of paranoia, unease, and fear.
On the order of the movie, Gaslight, he aims to make her feel crazy. And because he doesn't commit crimes or stalk her personally himself, he's terrifying difficult to nab even once she involves the police and detectives. The reason he can hire other people to terrorize her is because he's absurdly rich and connected to shady people.
The detached tone worked during predatory stalking sections but it didn't work when she's recounting the early stages of their relationship. I often couldn't track when she felt what about him. Her arc from denial/interest to fear/disinterest was confusing and there were times when I didn't understand why she would not be mad at him and times when I didn't track why she was mad at him. Sometimes, the events were too quickly summarized to get a sense of their interplay or cycle or just overall dynamic as a couple. But I understood that she wrote this after his stalking so it would be impossible for her to even track her own arc of "the good times" when the retrospect so clearly poisons her summation of their relationship.
I recommend this for anyone who has dealt with narcissists in dating, friendship, or work environments. It sheds light on emotional control and emotional abuse, which unfortunately many of the law officials or friends in this did not take as seriously as they would tangible physical abuse. Often, people in this memoir would in turn gaslight this narrator and say that this stalker must really love her. Her response that this was not love, but power and control. That is a key theme and it's a worthwhile read. I'm glad she put this story down and I hope now that it's been 20 years that she's free of this insidious abuse.
On the order of the movie, Gaslight, he aims to make her feel crazy. And because he doesn't commit crimes or stalk her personally himself, he's terrifying difficult to nab even once she involves the police and detectives. The reason he can hire other people to terrorize her is because he's absurdly rich and connected to shady people.
The detached tone worked during predatory stalking sections but it didn't work when she's recounting the early stages of their relationship. I often couldn't track when she felt what about him. Her arc from denial/interest to fear/disinterest was confusing and there were times when I didn't understand why she would not be mad at him and times when I didn't track why she was mad at him. Sometimes, the events were too quickly summarized to get a sense of their interplay or cycle or just overall dynamic as a couple. But I understood that she wrote this after his stalking so it would be impossible for her to even track her own arc of "the good times" when the retrospect so clearly poisons her summation of their relationship.
I recommend this for anyone who has dealt with narcissists in dating, friendship, or work environments. It sheds light on emotional control and emotional abuse, which unfortunately many of the law officials or friends in this did not take as seriously as they would tangible physical abuse. Often, people in this memoir would in turn gaslight this narrator and say that this stalker must really love her. Her response that this was not love, but power and control. That is a key theme and it's a worthwhile read. I'm glad she put this story down and I hope now that it's been 20 years that she's free of this insidious abuse.
June 27, 2022
First, let me make this clear: Stalking is terrifying and traumatic, and I have nothing but sympathy for Brennan's experience of it. The critique below is purely about the literary work, not about her as a human being; I wish her only the best.
The thing is, though ... the book is boring. It shouldn't be; it has stalking, murder, millionaires, high-end travel, multiple deaths, secret identities, and more sex-crime detectives than an episode of SVU. But somehow, it never gelled into a story that compelled me to keep reading.
I think the main issue is that
Brennan also spent far too many pages on their relationship, which was fairly mundane until near the end. And she comes across as a bit narcissistic; everyone she talks to seems to praise her. Neither of those issues are mortal sins, but they add to the annoyance I felt about the book as a whole.
The thing is, though ... the book is boring. It shouldn't be; it has stalking, murder, millionaires, high-end travel, multiple deaths, secret identities, and more sex-crime detectives than an episode of SVU. But somehow, it never gelled into a story that compelled me to keep reading.
I think the main issue is that
Brennan also spent far too many pages on their relationship, which was fairly mundane until near the end. And she comes across as a bit narcissistic; everyone she talks to seems to praise her. Neither of those issues are mortal sins, but they add to the annoyance I felt about the book as a whole.
June 1, 2025
Wow, what a story. I didn’t want to put the book down, and I feel so bad for the real victim. I hope she gets her peace one day, hopefully someday soon.
The story began slow, just like how these situations start. She met a man, they courted, he got weird and she parted ways. I kept looking for the end, and I won’t spoil it.
I wish more could be done about stalker situations. It’s a lot like how women bully other women—it’s often so subtle and intermittent that other people often don’t believe it or notice it. What do you do? Police don’t usually care or have power to do anything.
Overall, at first I had a difficult time caring about the victim. She DID seem unlikable in the early part of the book, but then I realized she had a vast network of support from people who loved her. That’s not an unlikable person—it’s one who’s now numb.
I hope we can come away from this story with a newfound courage to speak up when something isn’t right, to refuse bribes from people, and to protect our friends and loved ones. Gossip and “don’t stir the pot” are all things that make these situations worse. Resist it.
The story began slow, just like how these situations start. She met a man, they courted, he got weird and she parted ways. I kept looking for the end, and I won’t spoil it.
I wish more could be done about stalker situations. It’s a lot like how women bully other women—it’s often so subtle and intermittent that other people often don’t believe it or notice it. What do you do? Police don’t usually care or have power to do anything.
Overall, at first I had a difficult time caring about the victim. She DID seem unlikable in the early part of the book, but then I realized she had a vast network of support from people who loved her. That’s not an unlikable person—it’s one who’s now numb.
I hope we can come away from this story with a newfound courage to speak up when something isn’t right, to refuse bribes from people, and to protect our friends and loved ones. Gossip and “don’t stir the pot” are all things that make these situations worse. Resist it.
May 8, 2020
Kate was an independent and successful single woman when she met Paul, a wealthy and charismatic businessman. She was reluctant to get involved with him, but his charm and relentless wooing won her over. Kate had some nice Erin’s as he revealed very little about himself, eventually he convinced her to move in with him, and only then did she discover about his sordid secrets, his infidelities, his unbalanced pysche. She leaves him, constantly moving around, a fake name, constantly changing phone numbers, but he does not leave her alone, he continues to stalk her for years, breaking into her home, cutting off her utilities. She is so tired of explaining her situation to police, so eventually settles in the town where she grew up, where everyone knew who she was, and she did feel somewhat safer.
March 15, 2021
Having read 'See what you made me do' by Jess Hill I was , I thought, well prepared for this book. I wasn't. It is, like Hill's book, a glimpse into another world, where a man decides to possess a lover, and has the resources and determination to make her life a living hell.
Kate Brennan is brave, articulate, intelligent and perceptive , but nothing prepares her for her life after leaving him. She has had the presence of mind to record the courtship, romantic engagement and the ever increasing control this man decides to inflict on her family, her job, her community and her freedom.
With money, power and a masterful manipulation of the 'truth' he has committed to her in absentia in a way he never was able to do when they were together.
He is a long-term stalker.
And there is nothing she can do.
Kate Brennan is brave, articulate, intelligent and perceptive , but nothing prepares her for her life after leaving him. She has had the presence of mind to record the courtship, romantic engagement and the ever increasing control this man decides to inflict on her family, her job, her community and her freedom.
With money, power and a masterful manipulation of the 'truth' he has committed to her in absentia in a way he never was able to do when they were together.
He is a long-term stalker.
And there is nothing she can do.
January 10, 2019
Beautifully written! What a strong woman to deal with this hellacious stalking for such a huge chunk of her life, I couldn’t imagine going through half of the things that she went through. I especially loved her descriptions of the different locations this experience brought her to. I have to say though (and it kills me because I thought “Kate” was a wonderful writer), there is a blatant grammatical error on page 148 of the 2008 hardcover I read that absolutely took me out of the book and I couldn’t get out of my mind! Whoever edited this book missed a pretty big error. “I’ve only see Paul cry twice in his life,” .... See, not seen. And it’s not a printing error, there is no extra space for another letter. Aside from that I thought it was wonderful.
May 20, 2022
Most memoirs and books about people's traumatic personal experiences tend to be less insightful or more biased by the emotions associated with memories than the author thinks -- or more likely both. This is an exception, most of the time. Perhaps because the author is a writer and journalist by trade, she has a more objective eye than most would in her situation. Yes, there are many times when I wanted to scream at her to do something (or not do something), but she was able to clearly convey WHY she did or didn't. She doesn't excuse it, she explains it. The hardest part for me as the reader is what certainly must be the hardest part for her... having no closure in the end.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews