The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You: Let Go of Toxic Bonds and Build Healthy Ones

by Najwa Zebian

Most of us continue to be bonded to the people who hurt us, waiting for them to give us closure, to see us as worthy of their change or remorse, and to apologize. True healing begins when you stop giving the one who broke you the pen that writes the story of how you heal. Instead, you decide to put your broken pieces back together with the healing threads of self-love and inner wisdom.

We are bound to people in our romantic relationships and friendships, in our families and at work. And those bonds pull at us in ways that might make us feel stuck, dispensable, or unstable. But bonds with others can also make us feel valued, respected, and truly loved. The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You explores the seven types of bonds that hold us to healthy bonds, convenient bonds, transactional bonds, forced bonds, enabling bonds, toxic bonds, and trauma bonds.

You can learn to recognize the bonds that weaken you and the ones that strengthen you. You can shine a light on these invisible threads and see which ones need to be released, which ones may need mending, and when it's time to weave new, healthier threads.

In these pages, Najwa guides you
* let go of the myth of closure and make peace with your past
* break the patterns and beliefs that keep you bonded to pain and those who caused it
* reclaim your power in all your relationships
* plant the seeds for relationships rooted in depth, safety, and authenticity

With practical actions and personal stories woven throughout, The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You is a soul-soothing journey to a life nourished by meaningful connections with others-and yourself.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology

Audible Audio

Published August 25, 2026

About the author

Najwa Zebian is a Lebanese-Canadian author, speaker, and educator. Her passion for language was evident from a young age, as she delved into Arabic poetry and novels.

The search for a home—what Najwa describes as a place where the soul and heart feel at peace—was central to her early years. When she arrived in Canada at the age of sixteen, she felt unstable and adrift in an unfamiliar place.

Nevertheless, she completed her education, and went on to become a teacher as well as a doctoral candidate in educational leadership. Her first students, a group of young refugees, led her back to her original passion: writing. She began to heal her sixteen-year-old self by writing to heal her students.

Since self-publishing her first collection of poetry and prose in 2016, Najwa has become an inspiration to millions of people worldwide.

Najwa has become a trailblazing voice for women everywhere and was name dropped by the New York Times and CBS News among others.

Drawing on her own experiences of displacement, discrimination, and abuse, Najwa uses her words to encourage others to build a home within themselves; to live, love, and create fearlessly.

Reviews

[BookOfCinz Reading Retreat Host]

I think this is a great book if you are looking at how to navigate relationships. I would recommend it to someone who is going through a break-up and looking for a soft space to land.

[Devina Yuliarni]

Some relationships heal us, while others might leave wounds we carry for years. Yet sometimes the closest bonds to us are the ones that do the most damage. It might be a spouse, family, work, or even a friend’s relationships that we often overlook. In The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You, an educational leadership expert, Najwa Zebian, explores what healthy connections look like and what they do not. Najwa invites us to examine the bonds we currently have with people around us, from convenient bonds and transactional bonds to the deeper attachment we form and how they affect us. While our social connection is an important part of our lives, the most important yet powerful relationship is the one we have with ourselves. We can’t have meaningful relationships with others without first building a healthy one with ourselves.

What really caught my attention was Najwa's direct and assertive writing style. In my personal experience, her words felt like a wake-up call in the morning, in a good way. They made me reflect on my own communication patterns and the dynamics I have with the people closest to me. Another thing that left a strong impression me was the way she brings clarity to the misunderstood concept of detachment. It can be dangerously misinterpreted as simply cutting people off, as if it is the only way to find happiness and peace. But as the book reminds us, connections can heal too, but only when they’re healthy. If you are looking for soothing or comforting words, this book might not be for you.

Despite these strengths, I found myself wishing for a little more depth in Healing Threads section. I wish the reflection prompts had been paired with open-ended questions to encourage deeper reflection on certain themes and topics.

Overall, The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You is an assertive self-help read that encourages us to examine the relationships we currently have with the people around us. For me, it is a powerful reminder of what we deserve and what we need to bring into our connections, whether in romantic, career, and family relationships, to build more fulfilling bonds.

I would recommend this book to readers who are not looking for gentle advice, but are ready for bold, direct, and thought-provoking guidance. Thank you Net Galley and Harmony Books for allowing me to review this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Chelsea Walsh]

Najwa Zebian has delivered a deeply validating and necessary book for anyone who has found themselves waiting for closure from the person who hurt them. The core message—that the one who broke you cannot be the one to heal you—is a powerful wake-up call that Zebian delivers with both gentleness and firm truth.

I appreciated the exploration of the seven types of bonds, especially the deep dive into trauma bonds and toxic bonds. It helps you recognize how you might be giving your power away and staying stuck in patterns of pain. The actionable advice on creating new, healthier threads of self-love is practical and insightful.

Why 4 stars instead of 5? While the message is profoundly life-affirming and validating, I felt that some of the sections on letting go of potential and making peace with the past could have been more concise. At times, the advice felt a bit repetitive. However, the overall message that healing is an "inside job" is profound.

If you are struggling to move on and need a guide to help you pick up your own broken pieces, this is a beautiful place to start. It is not just a book; it’s a turning point.

[Ramyasmruthi Talanki]

I picked up this book because I loved the author’s previous book, Welcome Home. When I started reading it, my initial thought was, “I should have read this book in my 20s; it would have spared me a lot of heartache.”

But as I went through the book, I realised that I couldn’t quite box my relationships with people into the different bonds described in the book. Although the author says not to label a bond simply because it matches certain characteristics of a defined type, I still felt that some relationships, much like in real life, can be a blur between two or even three descriptions.

The book also felt a little repetitive to me. That said, some of the statements reaffirmed things I had already analysed and understood about certain relationships from my past, which made those parts particularly relatable.

Overall, it was an okay read for me. I think I might have connected with it differently had I read it in my 20s.

Trigger warning: If you’re still in the process of healing, this might not be the book to pick up just yet.

[Laila]

This book is a gentle, powerful guide to letting go of toxic bonds and learning to rebuild from your own strength. Najwa’s voice is warm and direct, and her reflections landed with clarity and compassion. Every page felt both consoling and actionable; I closed the book feeling seen and ready to move forward. Highly recommended for anyone who’s healing from heartbreak or seeking healthier connections.

[Ossy Firstan]

Baca ini di Netgalley. Kukira ini ga hanya untuk relasi merah muda, untuk tiap relasi masih nyambung banget. Aku setuju, ketika kita terluka, kitalah yang bertanggung jawab untuk menyembuhkan dan melindungi luka itu.

[Ally]

DNF Ebook at 52%

[CreativelyRed]

Some interesting points and reminders about owning who you are and what you stand for but also a but repetitive for me.

[Donna]

Sometimes a book comes into one's life at the right time. This is that book for me.

So many times, humans tend to want those who harmed us to be part of the healing, whether that's through an apology or other words and/or actions. However, seeking healing in another often causes that need to go unaddressed. Not because others are bad people, but because they may not have the capacity to acknowledge what they did, whether accidental or intentional, make amends, and help repair it.

Often, we are unaware of the ways our words and/or actions impact others. We may not know how much we hurt someone. Or we may be hurt and harmed too. Our healing lies within.

The keys to healing oneself are in this book. I had to start over so I could take notes. It's on preorder as well. I know it's one I will return to again and again, just like her previous book, Welcome Home.

Reading The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You can positively impact your healing journey and your perspective.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy of this book!