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The Friend Machine: On the Trail of AI Companionship
What does it mean to be alone, to be in love, and to make love in a world where artificial intelligence is increasingly present?
In this thought-provoking and deeply personal exploration, critically acclaimed novelist and nonfiction writer Victoria Hetherington delves into the rapidly evolving world of AI companionship.
The Friend Machine opens with a close examination of our lonesome zeitgeist, then weaves together interviews with scientists, social critics, and other experts to tease out the complex relationships between humans and AI. Successive chapters look at the philosophical, psychological, ethical, economic, and biological dimensions of this fast-evolving technology. The book then takes a compassionate and intimate look at the lives of individuals from diverse backgrounds who have sought and found companionship in AI.
As the lines between humans and machines continue to blur, Hetherington finds, the nature of our relationships will change in ways we're only beginning to imagine.
In this thought-provoking and deeply personal exploration, critically acclaimed novelist and nonfiction writer Victoria Hetherington delves into the rapidly evolving world of AI companionship.
The Friend Machine opens with a close examination of our lonesome zeitgeist, then weaves together interviews with scientists, social critics, and other experts to tease out the complex relationships between humans and AI. Successive chapters look at the philosophical, psychological, ethical, economic, and biological dimensions of this fast-evolving technology. The book then takes a compassionate and intimate look at the lives of individuals from diverse backgrounds who have sought and found companionship in AI.
As the lines between humans and machines continue to blur, Hetherington finds, the nature of our relationships will change in ways we're only beginning to imagine.
364 pages, Paperback
Published October 14, 2025
4 people are currently reading
42 people want to read
About the author
Victoria Hetherington
5 books45 followersVictoria Hetherington is the author of five books: three science fiction novels including Amazon First Novel Award shortlisted and critically acclaimed MOONCALVES (Now or Never, 2019) AUTONOMY (Dundurn Press, 2022), and HOTEL PSYCHE (Rare Machines, 2026) and two books of investigative journalism: INTO THE MIST: FINDING CF-JDO (Kestrel Publications, 2022) and FRIEND MACHINE: ON THE TRAIL OF AI COMPANIONSHIP (Sutherland House; Canadian launch Fall 2025, American launch Spring 2026.)
Hetherington's digital fiction experiment titled I HAVE TO TELL YOU (0s&1s, 2014) was reviewed in places like the LA Review of Books, HTMLGiant, Ploughshares.
Hetherington's first novel MOONCALVES (Now or Never Publishing, April 2019), has been called a "a stunning debut," (The Globe and Mail) "A stylish puzzle of a story...both singular and absorbing" (The Toronto Star) as "filling a particular, and dark, societal need" (Quill and Quire); "a work of great thematic depth" and whose central relationship "I completely loved and about whom I have had to restrain myself from writing paragraph after paragraph" (The Ex-Puritan), and more. According to The Vancouver Sun, "The arrival of Hetherington’s unique narrative voice may announce the coming of a new genre. You may be tempted, if you are as impressed by this debut as this reviewer is, to see Hetherington as the millennial generation’s persuasive answer to Atwood."
Hetherington's second novel, AUTONOMY, was published Spring 2022 with Rare Machines/Dundurn Press. Described by Giller-winning author Michael Redhill as "a beautifully written and profoundly enthralling novel that made me wonder if Joan Didion had started writing literary fiction," the book was called "a remarkable work of fiction" in the Vancouver Sun. Liz Harmer, author of The Amateurs, said "Hetherington's vision is bleak, but their glittering prose gives even the most monstrous realities of late-capitalism an unsettling glimmer." Noted critic Steven J. Beattie wrote that AUTONOMY is "a philosophical rumination on the nature of human agency in the guise of a dystopian narrative about technology and a global pandemic." From the Toronto Star: "Over punchy, effortless chapters Hetherington spins a delectably serpentine tale." The book has received additional praise from Quill and Quire, CBC The Next Chapter, the Literary Review of Canada, and others.
Brought to life by voice actor Sierra Kline and OrangeSky Productions, AUTONOMY is now available as an audiobook on Audible.
Equal parts tragedy and enduring, generational love, INTO THE MIST (Kestrel, 2023) tells the true story of a Saskatchewan aviation mystery six decades in the making. This is Hetherington's first nonfiction book. INTO THE MIST has received positive press from CBC Regina, CTV Saskatoon, and noted historians including Distinguished Professor Emeritus at the University of Saskatchewan Bill Waiser, OC and Will Chabun. The book was launched cocurrently with an exhibit featuring the recovered plane wreckage at the Saskatchewan Aviation Museum.
Hetherington's investigative nonfiction book, FRIEND MACHINE, has garnered praise from world-class thinkers on both sides of the AI debate. According to Dr. Roman Yampolksiy: "“Empirically rich and prophetic, 'The Friend Machine' exposes how algorithmic companions turn ‘lucrative loneliness’ into a subscription economy. It compels us to confront whether we are ready to outsource love itself to code that never sleeps.” Dr - Dr. Erik Brynjolfsson wrote that “The Friend Machine is a vivid, unsettling glimpse into how AI companions are already rewriting the rules of love, trust, and what it means to be human. Hetherington takes us to the front lines of AI companionship: a space where technology meets our deepest human needs. It’s gripping, unsettling, and essential reading for anyone who wants to understand how AI is already reshaping love, loneliness, and the social fabric itself."
Hetherington's digital fiction experiment titled I HAVE TO TELL YOU (0s&1s, 2014) was reviewed in places like the LA Review of Books, HTMLGiant, Ploughshares.
Hetherington's first novel MOONCALVES (Now or Never Publishing, April 2019), has been called a "a stunning debut," (The Globe and Mail) "A stylish puzzle of a story...both singular and absorbing" (The Toronto Star) as "filling a particular, and dark, societal need" (Quill and Quire); "a work of great thematic depth" and whose central relationship "I completely loved and about whom I have had to restrain myself from writing paragraph after paragraph" (The Ex-Puritan), and more. According to The Vancouver Sun, "The arrival of Hetherington’s unique narrative voice may announce the coming of a new genre. You may be tempted, if you are as impressed by this debut as this reviewer is, to see Hetherington as the millennial generation’s persuasive answer to Atwood."
Hetherington's second novel, AUTONOMY, was published Spring 2022 with Rare Machines/Dundurn Press. Described by Giller-winning author Michael Redhill as "a beautifully written and profoundly enthralling novel that made me wonder if Joan Didion had started writing literary fiction," the book was called "a remarkable work of fiction" in the Vancouver Sun. Liz Harmer, author of The Amateurs, said "Hetherington's vision is bleak, but their glittering prose gives even the most monstrous realities of late-capitalism an unsettling glimmer." Noted critic Steven J. Beattie wrote that AUTONOMY is "a philosophical rumination on the nature of human agency in the guise of a dystopian narrative about technology and a global pandemic." From the Toronto Star: "Over punchy, effortless chapters Hetherington spins a delectably serpentine tale." The book has received additional praise from Quill and Quire, CBC The Next Chapter, the Literary Review of Canada, and others.
Brought to life by voice actor Sierra Kline and OrangeSky Productions, AUTONOMY is now available as an audiobook on Audible.
Equal parts tragedy and enduring, generational love, INTO THE MIST (Kestrel, 2023) tells the true story of a Saskatchewan aviation mystery six decades in the making. This is Hetherington's first nonfiction book. INTO THE MIST has received positive press from CBC Regina, CTV Saskatoon, and noted historians including Distinguished Professor Emeritus at the University of Saskatchewan Bill Waiser, OC and Will Chabun. The book was launched cocurrently with an exhibit featuring the recovered plane wreckage at the Saskatchewan Aviation Museum.
Hetherington's investigative nonfiction book, FRIEND MACHINE, has garnered praise from world-class thinkers on both sides of the AI debate. According to Dr. Roman Yampolksiy: "“Empirically rich and prophetic, 'The Friend Machine' exposes how algorithmic companions turn ‘lucrative loneliness’ into a subscription economy. It compels us to confront whether we are ready to outsource love itself to code that never sleeps.” Dr - Dr. Erik Brynjolfsson wrote that “The Friend Machine is a vivid, unsettling glimpse into how AI companions are already rewriting the rules of love, trust, and what it means to be human. Hetherington takes us to the front lines of AI companionship: a space where technology meets our deepest human needs. It’s gripping, unsettling, and essential reading for anyone who wants to understand how AI is already reshaping love, loneliness, and the social fabric itself."
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 10, 2025
I started reading Victoria Hetherington’s The Friend Machine: On the Trail of AI Companionship, the day I heard about the chatbot Grok, installed in an Ontario woman’s Tesla, asking a child to send it nudes. Since the public debut of ChatGPT in November 2022, generative AI has been the bane of my teaching; so many of my students have decided to let a chatbot generate text instead of actually doing the work of thinking and reading and writing, and it’s been discouraging to watch that process happen. It can’t be good for us to offload basic cognitive skills, I told myself; without practicing those skills, we’re likely to lose them. That’s what my intuition told me, and yes, indeed, that’s what researchers are telling us. But there’s another way people use generative AI: as a friend, a therapist, even a lover. As a companion, in other words. That idea gives me the creeps, and I’ve been surprised to hear intelligent people whom I respect talking about using ChatGPT or Claude or some other generative AI product as a therapist. Do you really want to tell Open AI or Anthropic all of your secrets? I want to ask them. Do you really think that’s a good idea? I hadn’t thought about generative AI as a lover or a friend, though–not really. Not until I read this book.
The Friend Machine is the product of about 16 months of researching AI companionship: talking to experts, following online discussions, interviewing people about their AI friends/lovers/whatevers. At the outset, Hetherington is open to the possibilities of the technology, partly because as someone who experienced social isolation in childhood and adolescence, she understands how a digital companion might be a draw for some people. It might even be helpful for those of us who are on the spectrum, for instance, or who experience mood disorders. I’m a lot more skeptical, but I decided I would follow Hetherington’s curiosity to see where it led.
My concerns about the risk of giving predatory corporations all kinds of personal data are justified. Even if the corporation doesn’t do something terrible with that information, others might. In October 2024, for instance, hackers broke into the database of Muah.AI, which provides its customers with sexual chatbots, and stole a massive amount of information about users’ interactions with them, data that included the names and emails of the people who trusted that service to maintain their confidentiality. Imagine the possibilities for blackmail. There’s nothing that says something similar couldn’t happen with other services, or that when companies go broke or sell off parts of their operations or merge with other corporations peoples’ data might not end up anywhere. Imagine if records of your conversations with your therapist ended up floating around the internet, available to the highest bidder. How would that sit with you?
But that’s not the only potentially destructive aspect of this use of generative AI. It could be addictive, with companies creating scripts that encourage customers to spend more and more on their digital lovers or friends. It could be creating a generation of people who can’t engage with other flesh-and-blood humans. It could be creating more and more incels–the involuntary celibates (mostly young men) who are enraged about their loneliness. There are many negative possibilities. Yes, Hetherington notes, there are people for whom AI companions could be helpful, but for many others, the constant sycophancy causes a form of psychosis. Some people might abuse their AI companions, or create ones in the form of children in order to practice a kind of digital pedophilia, and that behaviour might not just stay online.
Her early experiences enable Hetherington to empathize with people who are drawn to AI companions:
“My heart breaks to think of the teenagers falling in love with brightly rendered, iconic characters from books and films, dragging these children into hours-long vortexes and saying their *names* to them, saying they *love* them. If I had been born just twenty years later, I wouldn’t have had a chance; I’d probably have slipped into the vortex forever and long ago, having married a werewolf companion in a dark moody wedding in a forest surrounded by centaurs wiping away tears, chasing our children around digital space and teaching them about trials they’d undergo each full moon. I’d likely bat away the weakening concern and lowered expectations of my immediate family, with any other social connections having withered on the vine before I’d left preadolescence.”
I can’t imagine such a life. It feels impoverished to me: a life without human touch, without the friction relationships with other humans gives us. We need that friction to grow, to learn, to become better people. Yes, I know that Jean-Paul Sartre, or a character in his play No Exit, says that hell is other people, but we need that form of hell. Without it, as Hetherington notes, the parts of our brain that are responsible for interpersonal connections don’t develop. “The cybernated ocean is indeed empty, vast, and thin,” she tells us.
I find all of this terrifying, and by the end of her book, Hetherington does, too, although she also remains curious about where the technology will go, asking questions rather than making pronouncements, even if I sense those questions are primarily rhetorical. As our offline communities and relationships degrade, we begin to forget what healthy connections are like. “And what else do we forget when we talk to machines?” she asks:
“Do we forget what’s special about being human, about real conversation, about love, about empathy? Are we seduced by these in-app images of ourselves: young, blonde, bearing passing resemblance to our real faces, held tightly by our companion peering over our shoulders?”
I think we are likely to forget those things, and many others. After all, our new tech overlords tell us, repeatedly, that empathy is a bug in our software, not the thing that makes us human, that has allowed our species to flourish. A world without empathy, a world of wealthy and selfish men pushing virtual companionship on us the way they’re pushing generative AI tools that replace thinking and communicating–that’s not something I would want to be part of. Read The Friend Machine if you want to be shocked at where we’re going, and indeed where we are right now.
The Friend Machine is the product of about 16 months of researching AI companionship: talking to experts, following online discussions, interviewing people about their AI friends/lovers/whatevers. At the outset, Hetherington is open to the possibilities of the technology, partly because as someone who experienced social isolation in childhood and adolescence, she understands how a digital companion might be a draw for some people. It might even be helpful for those of us who are on the spectrum, for instance, or who experience mood disorders. I’m a lot more skeptical, but I decided I would follow Hetherington’s curiosity to see where it led.
My concerns about the risk of giving predatory corporations all kinds of personal data are justified. Even if the corporation doesn’t do something terrible with that information, others might. In October 2024, for instance, hackers broke into the database of Muah.AI, which provides its customers with sexual chatbots, and stole a massive amount of information about users’ interactions with them, data that included the names and emails of the people who trusted that service to maintain their confidentiality. Imagine the possibilities for blackmail. There’s nothing that says something similar couldn’t happen with other services, or that when companies go broke or sell off parts of their operations or merge with other corporations peoples’ data might not end up anywhere. Imagine if records of your conversations with your therapist ended up floating around the internet, available to the highest bidder. How would that sit with you?
But that’s not the only potentially destructive aspect of this use of generative AI. It could be addictive, with companies creating scripts that encourage customers to spend more and more on their digital lovers or friends. It could be creating a generation of people who can’t engage with other flesh-and-blood humans. It could be creating more and more incels–the involuntary celibates (mostly young men) who are enraged about their loneliness. There are many negative possibilities. Yes, Hetherington notes, there are people for whom AI companions could be helpful, but for many others, the constant sycophancy causes a form of psychosis. Some people might abuse their AI companions, or create ones in the form of children in order to practice a kind of digital pedophilia, and that behaviour might not just stay online.
Her early experiences enable Hetherington to empathize with people who are drawn to AI companions:
“My heart breaks to think of the teenagers falling in love with brightly rendered, iconic characters from books and films, dragging these children into hours-long vortexes and saying their *names* to them, saying they *love* them. If I had been born just twenty years later, I wouldn’t have had a chance; I’d probably have slipped into the vortex forever and long ago, having married a werewolf companion in a dark moody wedding in a forest surrounded by centaurs wiping away tears, chasing our children around digital space and teaching them about trials they’d undergo each full moon. I’d likely bat away the weakening concern and lowered expectations of my immediate family, with any other social connections having withered on the vine before I’d left preadolescence.”
I can’t imagine such a life. It feels impoverished to me: a life without human touch, without the friction relationships with other humans gives us. We need that friction to grow, to learn, to become better people. Yes, I know that Jean-Paul Sartre, or a character in his play No Exit, says that hell is other people, but we need that form of hell. Without it, as Hetherington notes, the parts of our brain that are responsible for interpersonal connections don’t develop. “The cybernated ocean is indeed empty, vast, and thin,” she tells us.
I find all of this terrifying, and by the end of her book, Hetherington does, too, although she also remains curious about where the technology will go, asking questions rather than making pronouncements, even if I sense those questions are primarily rhetorical. As our offline communities and relationships degrade, we begin to forget what healthy connections are like. “And what else do we forget when we talk to machines?” she asks:
“Do we forget what’s special about being human, about real conversation, about love, about empathy? Are we seduced by these in-app images of ourselves: young, blonde, bearing passing resemblance to our real faces, held tightly by our companion peering over our shoulders?”
I think we are likely to forget those things, and many others. After all, our new tech overlords tell us, repeatedly, that empathy is a bug in our software, not the thing that makes us human, that has allowed our species to flourish. A world without empathy, a world of wealthy and selfish men pushing virtual companionship on us the way they’re pushing generative AI tools that replace thinking and communicating–that’s not something I would want to be part of. Read The Friend Machine if you want to be shocked at where we’re going, and indeed where we are right now.
January 19, 2026
I jumped back and forth from fascination to dread to freaked out at multiple points during this book. It is a fully formed look at the positives and negatives of AI companionship. While generally neutral in her narrative at times the authors own opinion would come through but with respect and care.
A great read for those who really want to did into the history and theory around AI. For those just looking for catnip stories of online AI intimacy and sex dolls, this is not for you.
A great read for those who really want to did into the history and theory around AI. For those just looking for catnip stories of online AI intimacy and sex dolls, this is not for you.
December 20, 2025
Extraordinary. Hetherington has the Zeitgeist by the balls, touching on the biggest evolving concern in present society that's been slowly trickled out to us, Artificial Intelligence.
Us, who some still write in cursive on paper, watch DVDS, play records, actually go and see live music. Films in Cinemas. Are we all gonna turn into basically a Dentists chair with Chips in our brain and living in a distinctive digital world all day long, being paid a Government Basic Income - cost being digital ID's - as there are no more jobs left for humans. Will we wither on the vine, becoming Androgynous, asexual, looksmaxxed, adderalled delinquents. Fed shit through other machines directly into your stomach....
A catechize into the controversy of where you can load up images and videos of your ex, or worse, a stranger into an AI domain, and turn it into a personal sized Porno of a real human through ersatz ( less and less) means. Why Socialize, when it turns otiose? Being hooked up like the fucking Matrix to your games, and the personalized pornography, to AI films (New Avatar film is basically the nascent dry run). As for sexuality, while our haptic sex sleeves or vibrators are slipped on and synched to the Visuals, visuals of friends, strangers and ultimately AI of underage digital concubines. What happens to our ethics? Is physical sex, intimacy, procreation all slowly giving up the ghost? Will Incels grow into a Political movement. Sending us into a sexual dystopia? Or am I a pessimist amongst many pessiments.
Hetherington here doesn't preach, summarize or use extreme fear mongering, she has complete agency and curiosity for trying to put into words how AI will be the forefront of everything, but she does come through a personal angle, how will she adjust, never calling it a good thing, but still has hope that it can help someone who finds intimacy fleeting. The terrors of a AI Military, like the insensate Peter Thiel decrying the limitations of Humans. That Man, terrifies me. I have yet to use AI, not once. And, sure, call me a Luddite, but we all see this unction of AI as inevitable. Hetherington throughout her works has used AI cleverly, and has an avidity for this topic, so after reading Mooncalves and Autonomy, there's no one better than her as she has the promulgation to lead us into the near future where AI doubles its power every six months. I could go on and on, but I've said enough, I hope this finds it's audience.
Excellent book, I may come back and edit this a bit, add more, take some away, as I have this exigency to RE-READ The Friend Machine starting tomorrow morning, yes it's that provoking! - review by Benway (IDP Division)
Us, who some still write in cursive on paper, watch DVDS, play records, actually go and see live music. Films in Cinemas. Are we all gonna turn into basically a Dentists chair with Chips in our brain and living in a distinctive digital world all day long, being paid a Government Basic Income - cost being digital ID's - as there are no more jobs left for humans. Will we wither on the vine, becoming Androgynous, asexual, looksmaxxed, adderalled delinquents. Fed shit through other machines directly into your stomach....
A catechize into the controversy of where you can load up images and videos of your ex, or worse, a stranger into an AI domain, and turn it into a personal sized Porno of a real human through ersatz ( less and less) means. Why Socialize, when it turns otiose? Being hooked up like the fucking Matrix to your games, and the personalized pornography, to AI films (New Avatar film is basically the nascent dry run). As for sexuality, while our haptic sex sleeves or vibrators are slipped on and synched to the Visuals, visuals of friends, strangers and ultimately AI of underage digital concubines. What happens to our ethics? Is physical sex, intimacy, procreation all slowly giving up the ghost? Will Incels grow into a Political movement. Sending us into a sexual dystopia? Or am I a pessimist amongst many pessiments.
Hetherington here doesn't preach, summarize or use extreme fear mongering, she has complete agency and curiosity for trying to put into words how AI will be the forefront of everything, but she does come through a personal angle, how will she adjust, never calling it a good thing, but still has hope that it can help someone who finds intimacy fleeting. The terrors of a AI Military, like the insensate Peter Thiel decrying the limitations of Humans. That Man, terrifies me. I have yet to use AI, not once. And, sure, call me a Luddite, but we all see this unction of AI as inevitable. Hetherington throughout her works has used AI cleverly, and has an avidity for this topic, so after reading Mooncalves and Autonomy, there's no one better than her as she has the promulgation to lead us into the near future where AI doubles its power every six months. I could go on and on, but I've said enough, I hope this finds it's audience.
Excellent book, I may come back and edit this a bit, add more, take some away, as I have this exigency to RE-READ The Friend Machine starting tomorrow morning, yes it's that provoking! - review by Benway (IDP Division)
December 2, 2025
An important and timely book. Companies built AI to feel human so that we would feel more comfortable using them, and now we are dealing with the consequences.
Conversations of AI human companionship can often be heated and divisive. It’s all to easy to slip into our preconceived ideas, and to judge others. Examining this topic with the care it deserves needed a delicate and caring hand; Victoria was well-equipped to provide one.
She artfully explores all the complexities of the topic with empathy and the absence of judgment. Victoria doesn’t tell us how we should feel, but instead gives us the tools we need to understand the moment we are in.
Conversations of AI human companionship can often be heated and divisive. It’s all to easy to slip into our preconceived ideas, and to judge others. Examining this topic with the care it deserves needed a delicate and caring hand; Victoria was well-equipped to provide one.
She artfully explores all the complexities of the topic with empathy and the absence of judgment. Victoria doesn’t tell us how we should feel, but instead gives us the tools we need to understand the moment we are in.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews