As usual, I’ve reviewed each scary tale as I've come to it, but this is probably the best volume of the series I've read.
Who Dares Wins – Anno Dracula by Kim Newman
So to open with we have an extract from a novel, rather than an actual self-contained short story; although since the extract is from the latest ‘Anno Dracula’ book (the first of which I read in the last year and greatly enjoyed), I’m not going to gripe too much. On its own terms and in this format, the tale is somewhat inconsequential and threadbare, so the uninitiated might be nonplussed, but I enjoyed this vampire spin on news and fashion at the dawn of the 1980s.
A jolt to the memory if you’re British and of a certain age: irritatingly perky, breakfast TV presenter, Anne Diamond puts in an appearance; surely making this the only work of horror (if not the only piece of quality fiction) to actually feature irritating perky, breakfast TV presenter, Anne Diamond.
A good tale, but only two quivering lips on the scare-ometer though.
Click-Clack the Rattlebag by Neil Gaiman
An interesting idea, wherein a child asks an adult for a scary bedtime story, but it’s actually the child who knows the scariest tale. The result is atmospheric, but it’s all build-up and no bang.
Once again, two quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Dead End by Nicholas Royle
‘Dead End’ is one of those ice-berg stories, where nine-tenths of it remains submerged and mysterious. A man on holiday with his girlfriend finds his enjoyment curtailed by thoughts of his wife and children, and a growing sense of doom. Undeniably there’s a building terror, but the tale remains too irritatingly oblique to actually be scary.
Three quivering lips on the scare-ometer
Isaac’s Room by Daniel Mills
Here we are in the world of teenage isolation, a place over-whelmed by the sheer intensity of how it feels to be miserable as a young adult. Anyone who’s been there will recognise the emotions, will recognise those dark depths of unhappiness. Daniel Mills’ tale of scary videos and desperate acts is definitely disturbing. I’m sure there’ll be some who think it leans too much on metaphor rather than the literal, but for anyone who experienced being eighteen and unhappy then that metaphor is a strong one and scary as hell.
Definitely four quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
The Burning Circus by Angela Slatter
Fantasy Americana of the type we’ve visited many times before. Let’s be fair, strange travelling circus making its way across back roads and backwards towns in depression America is a trope used frequently in genre fiction (see earlier volumes of this series for proof of that). This tale of a woman’s vengeance though stands up as a particularly effective entry. Another four quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Holes for Faces by Ramsey Campbell
As a general rule I dislike the ‘look what I did on my holidays’ type story. There should be beautifully clear water between horror yarn and tourist guidebook, and too often these tales wade through that water in disgustingly muddy boots so that the reader can’t tell one from t’other.
Fortunately though, in Ramsey Campbell, we have a master of form and genre.
A young boy’s fears projected onto the gory history in and around Naples. This is a damned scary tale which uses the locales as spine-tingling decoration rather than an excuse to just wheel out the holiday snaps.
Plus, the line: “An old woman with a face like a string bag of wrinkles” is one of the best descriptions I’ve read this year.
A full five quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
By Night He Could Not See by Joel Lane
Reading like the sequel to some adolescent crime drama of heartbreak, betrayal and violence out of hand, this really does capture the desperation of wasted lives and of existence without hope. Unfortunately the horror elements feel grafted on and the ending is a touch too neat for my liking. Three quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Come into my Parlour by Reggie Oliver
An unmistakably middle class, English horror tale, concerning itself – as it does – with Victorian storybooks for children, family bequests and the kind of bonkers, sinister, old aunt who is a prerequisite for every English family of a certain type. If I was thinking coldly about it, then this is the irritating kind of horror fiction which could just be resolved and dismissed by Character A just talking to Character B – but I’m not going to be pernickety, as this a gripping and tense piece of work which fully deserves five quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
The Middle Park by Michael Chislett
The idea of wilderness intruding into civilisation is in many ways horrific as it means the end of this ordered, twenty first century society; but it’s also in some ways appealing as it’s a return to simpler times. There’s always a tension between the two in any such tale, although this one leans more towards the former than the latter.
A man and his girlfriend get horribly lost in a London park, in a tale which is like an hallucination in a mirror. Three quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Into the Water by Simon Kurt Unsworth
Superb Lovecraftian horror which plays expertly with the mythos, while avoiding any of the stilted hysteria of the man’s actual writing. A news crew covers a devastating flood in an English town. The threat manages to be both global and local, as well as (of course) incredibly old and dreadfully immediate. Definitely five quivering lips on the old scare-ometer.
The Burned House by Lynda E. Rucker
In the town I grew up in we had a ghost house which fascinated us kids – although looking back at it, even in my memory, it appears disappointingly suburban and not spectral in any way, shape or form. However I am a sucker for yarns about spooky old houses and those who become seduced by them. This is tense, heartfelt and darn scary, definitely rating five quivering lips.
What a fine collection this is turning out to be!
What Do We Talk About When We Talk About Z by Lavie Tidhar
A literary parody: Raymond Carver world does zombies. A few chuckles are to be had, but this is the most inconsequential piece thus far. Two quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Fishfly Season by Halli Villegas
In the right hands, a swarm of insects is one of those truly unsettling images. (Those guys who wrote The Bible knew where the scare buttons for their audience were). Equally not fitting in, being shunned and an outsider, is something most people dread. No one wants to be deliberately excluded, just as no one wants to be attacked by a swarm of bugs. Here the two notions collide to create a compelling and disturbing tale which can best be summed up as ‘icky’. Once again, five quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Doll Re Mi by Tanith Lee
Set maybe sometime in the future or maybe sometime in the past, this (craply titled) story offers a vibrant, passionate and self consciously dramatic contrast to the others in this volume. An egotistical maestro finds a beautiful mermaid-shaped violin which he plans to conquer, play and destroy. Lee undoubtedly delivers it all with great verve, I just wish the ending wasn’t so blatantly signposted. Three quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
A Night’s Work by Clive Barker
Um, what to say? Bestselling author has dream he thinks he can turn into a book, but can’t wake up to write it down. Difficult to imagine that if it didn’t have the Barker name attached to it anyone would find this worth publishing. One quivering lip on the scare-ometer.
The Sixteenth Step by Robert Shearman
After ‘The Shining’, it’s going to be daunting for any author to take on the haunted hotel yarn. However in the English seaside B&B setting, we’re a long way from The Overlook and in Robert Shearman we have a true master of the horror short story. Here we have a sinister hotel, a foreign landlady and a desperate young couple, but Shearman is as anxious to subvert expectations as meet them, and what we have here is another five quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Stemming the Tide by Simon Strantzas
Another zombie tale which is more about human relationships, but a much more successful one than ‘What We Talk About When We Talk About Z’. As a relationship dies, a couple drives out to meet the zombie hordes. At the centrepiece we have the great, almost Lovecraftian, image of the dead marching out of an oncoming tide. Four quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
The Gist by Michael Marshall-Smith
Here we delve into the world (I’m sure familiar to all of us) of illicit and backstreet antiquarian book sellers: a world which is perfectly realised to every beaten up manuscript and seedy backroom.
A feckless young man, with a gift for languages, is given a manuscript to translate. It seems an impossible task, as he can’t work out what language or dialect it even is. But the discernible rhythm of the book gets into his head and starts to possess him.
The various dissolute scenes of extreme drunkenness and godawful hangovers spent piecing one’s life back together, make it resemble the kind of story Patrick Hamilton would write if he was still alive. Although a Patrick Hamilton who’d imbibed a great deal of M.R. James along with the booze. In short, this is a cracking tale: once again, five quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Guinea Pig Girl by Thana Niveau
So here I am, a consumer of horror reading about a consumer of horror. Albeit this consumer of horror likes a form far too extreme for my tastes: Japanese torture porn. The notion that horror films have something real and horrible hidden within them is a hackneyed one, but it’s hard to resist the tension of this story. Four quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Miss Baltimore Crabs - Anno Dracula, 1990 by Kim Newman
Mr Kim Newman would like to inform the world that he has watched and enjoyed ‘The Wire’!
It’s vampires in a police procedural in Baltimore, with nods to Edgar Allen Poe and Hannibal Lector to boot. This is another extract from the latest ‘Anno Dracula’ book, but this suffers more from being ripped out of a longer narrative. Somehow it reads like both a prologue and a sequel. Three quivering lips on the scare-ometer.
Whitstable by Stephen Volk
‘Whitstable’ is a haunting, beautiful and elegiac tale, where the quiet man of horror movies is brought again to life in wonderful tribute.
It’s a horror story which plays on painful personal reality, but always with the greatest of respect. In the early 1970s Peter Cushing genuinely did lose his beloved wife and entered a funk so terrible that he considered suicide and told the press that he wanted to die.
Into this black void steps a fictional little boy who meets Cushing and mistakes him for the great vampire hunter, Van Helsing. He tells Cushing that his mother’s new boyfriend is a vampire who visits him in his bedroom every single night and asks for help. Seeing what truth lies beneath those words, Cushing tries to help the boy and so puts himself – now a frail man, much older than his years – in danger from the predator.
Of course Volk is exploring the difference between movie monsters and real life monsters. In the wrong hands that can be decidedly banal, but here it’s done with such expert skill as to be tremendous. Indeed the confrontation between Cushing and the boyfriend at a matinee showing of a Peter Cushing vampire movie is a thing of wonder – even better than the similar Boris Karloff scene in the movie ‘Targets’.
This is a quiet and understated tale, but also one with bite and genuine horror. In short it’s a great tribute to a great man of horror.
Five quivering lips on the scare-ometer.