Not My Shame: A memoir of trauma, taboos and the path to healing

by Martina Zangger

A testament to the power of female courage and strength, this intensely personal memoir reveals how one woman confronted her dark past and broke free from lifelong trauma bonds. Not content with only healing herself, author Martina Zangger has dedicated her life to helping other sexual assault survivors as they navigate both their healing journeys and the complexities of the criminal justice system. Her frankness in narrating her startling life choices displays the potency of shedding shame and the freedom that follows.

Sexually abused by her grandfather and uncle as a small child, Martina’s early years became the foundation for a life of struggles and wrong turns. Like many victim survivors, Martina kept her trauma a secret—a suppression that led her into sex work and ultimately into the grip of the notorious cult of the Indian guru Rajneesh.

For decades, Martina believed she was a magnet for abusers; that the sexual violence she endured was somehow her fault. But healing has allowed Martina to bravely face the tragedies she once buried, and to place the blame where it belongs. No longer silenced by shame, Martina’s greatest discovery is that love doesn’t have to be dangerous, that it can be respectful and kind instead.

This is her story, and it is a story of hope for all survivors.

227 pages, Paperback

Published August 26, 2025

Reviews

[Amelia Moffitt]

Not My Shame is a raw, honest and beautifully written memoir that is very moving. Martina’s courage comes through every page, sharing her truth with powerful vulnerability. It’s an important read that stays with you long after you’ve finished reading.

[Zoë Routh]

I was reluctant to read this as stories of abuse don't float my boat. I'm intimidated and scared of them. After having seen Martina speak at the Newcastle Writers event, I changed my mind. She was an engaging speaker and her story? Astounding.

Abused as a kid by grandfather and uncle, she turns to the Rajneeshi cult (Osho) for belonging and healing. To join the ashram in the USA she takes up sex work to fund the fee required to work twelve hour days 7 days a week in 'devotion' to the guru. The Osho story is extraordinary in itself and I was keen to know more from an insider's account.

The book only mentions the abuse briefly at the start before the cult and sex work stories take off.

I'm quite amazed that I found myself gripped by this tale, wanting to see how the courageous young woman works her way through her life of abuse to healing and thriving.

[Vijay]

Not My Shame is a raw and powerful memoir that explores trauma, silence, and the long path to healing. Martina Zangger recounts her childhood abuse and the lasting impact it had on her identity, relationships, and life choices, including periods of vulnerability that led her into harmful environments.

What makes the book stand out is its honesty. She doesn’t soften the reality of her experiences, and that unfiltered voice gives the story real emotional weight. The central theme—letting go of misplaced shame—comes through strongly, turning the title into a quiet but firm declaration of reclaiming power.

While the subject matter is heavy, it’s also meaningful. Zangger’s perspective as a social worker adds depth, helping readers understand trauma beyond just her personal story.

So it’s confronting but good read—honest, insightful, and ultimately about reclaiming one’s voice.

[Christine Westwood]

Brave, intelligent and searingly honest, Martina has gifted the world a wonderful book that will have you gripped from the first page. Women of any age and situation can take inspiration. The issues Martina faced are documented in a way that especially speaks to those of us who have been subject to abuse and neglect, who have been involved in cults and sex work, or fallen prey to substance abuse and body dysmorphia. This isn’t about being a victim as much as being a survivor, and the powerful advocate Martina has become. Clear prose and a compelling narrative - you won’t be able to put it down. It may even change your life.