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The Village Effect: How Face-to-Face Contact Can Make Us Healthier, Happier, and Smarter
In her surprising, entertaining, and persuasive new book, award-winning author and psychologist Susan Pinker shows how face-to-face contact is crucial for learning, happiness, resilience, and longevity.
From birth to death, human beings are hardwired to connect to other human beings. Face-to-face contact matters: tight bonds of friendship and love heal us, help children learn, extend our lives, and make us happy. Looser in-person bonds matter, too, combining with our close relationships to form a personal “village” around us, one that exerts unique effects. Not just any social networks will do: we need the real, in-the-flesh encounters that tie human families, groups of friends, and communities together.
Marrying the findings of the new field of social neuroscience with gripping human stories, Susan Pinker explores the impact of face-to-face contact from cradle to grave, from city to Sardinian mountain village, from classroom to workplace, from love to marriage to divorce. Her results are enlightening and enlivening, and they challenge many of our assumptions. Most of us have left the literal village behind and don’t want to give up our new technologies to go back there. But, as Pinker writes so compellingly, we need close social bonds and uninterrupted face-time with our friends and families in order to thrive—even to survive. Creating our own “village effect” makes us happier. It can also save our lives.
Praise for The Village Effect
“The benefits of the digital age have been oversold. Or to put it another way: there is plenty of life left in face-to-face, human interaction. That is the message emerging from this entertaining book by Susan Pinker, a Canadian psychologist. Citing a wealth of research and reinforced with her own arguments, Pinker suggests we should make an effort—at work and in our private lives—to promote greater levels of personal intimacy.”—Financial Times
“Drawing on scores of psychological and sociological studies, [Pinker] suggests that living as our ancestors did, steeped in face-to-face contact and physical proximity, is the key to health, while loneliness is ‘less an exalted existential state than a public health risk.’ That her point is fairly obvious doesn’t diminish its importance; smart readers will take the book out to a park to enjoy in the company of others.”—The Boston Globe
“A hopeful, warm guide to living more intimately in an disconnected era.”—Publishers Weekly
“A terrific book . . . Pinker makes a hardheaded case for a softhearted virtue. Read this book. Then talk about it—in person!—with a friend.”—Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of Drive and To Sell Is Human
“What do Sardinian men, Trader Joe’s employees, and nuns have in common? Real social networks—though not the kind you’ll find on Facebook or Twitter. Susan Pinker’s delightful book shows why face-to-face interaction at home, school, and work makes us healthier, smarter, and more successful.”—Charles Duhigg, New York Times bestselling author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
“Provocative and engaging . . . Pinker is a great storyteller and a thoughtful scholar.
From birth to death, human beings are hardwired to connect to other human beings. Face-to-face contact matters: tight bonds of friendship and love heal us, help children learn, extend our lives, and make us happy. Looser in-person bonds matter, too, combining with our close relationships to form a personal “village” around us, one that exerts unique effects. Not just any social networks will do: we need the real, in-the-flesh encounters that tie human families, groups of friends, and communities together.
Marrying the findings of the new field of social neuroscience with gripping human stories, Susan Pinker explores the impact of face-to-face contact from cradle to grave, from city to Sardinian mountain village, from classroom to workplace, from love to marriage to divorce. Her results are enlightening and enlivening, and they challenge many of our assumptions. Most of us have left the literal village behind and don’t want to give up our new technologies to go back there. But, as Pinker writes so compellingly, we need close social bonds and uninterrupted face-time with our friends and families in order to thrive—even to survive. Creating our own “village effect” makes us happier. It can also save our lives.
Praise for The Village Effect
“The benefits of the digital age have been oversold. Or to put it another way: there is plenty of life left in face-to-face, human interaction. That is the message emerging from this entertaining book by Susan Pinker, a Canadian psychologist. Citing a wealth of research and reinforced with her own arguments, Pinker suggests we should make an effort—at work and in our private lives—to promote greater levels of personal intimacy.”—Financial Times
“Drawing on scores of psychological and sociological studies, [Pinker] suggests that living as our ancestors did, steeped in face-to-face contact and physical proximity, is the key to health, while loneliness is ‘less an exalted existential state than a public health risk.’ That her point is fairly obvious doesn’t diminish its importance; smart readers will take the book out to a park to enjoy in the company of others.”—The Boston Globe
“A hopeful, warm guide to living more intimately in an disconnected era.”—Publishers Weekly
“A terrific book . . . Pinker makes a hardheaded case for a softhearted virtue. Read this book. Then talk about it—in person!—with a friend.”—Daniel H. Pink, New York Times bestselling author of Drive and To Sell Is Human
“What do Sardinian men, Trader Joe’s employees, and nuns have in common? Real social networks—though not the kind you’ll find on Facebook or Twitter. Susan Pinker’s delightful book shows why face-to-face interaction at home, school, and work makes us healthier, smarter, and more successful.”—Charles Duhigg, New York Times bestselling author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
“Provocative and engaging . . . Pinker is a great storyteller and a thoughtful scholar.
384 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2013
142 people are currently reading
3926 people want to read
About the author
Susan Pinker
9 books35 followersSusan Pinker is a developmental psychologist who writes about social science.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 136 reviews
August 8, 2014
I wish that everyone who is addicted to social media and the internet could read this book. There is nothing wrong with social media, but we all need face-to-face contact as well. The message this book delivers is critical to our happiness and well being. I have experienced this first-hand recently. I took myself away from the computer and visited a distant cousin one afternoon. After our visit, I felt so good. We reminisced about our childhoods and I experienced the warmth of her smile. We can reminisce on Facebook and in emails, but we are deprived of the other persons smile, twinkling eyes and laughter. Video cams might deliver those visual things, but they cannot capture the aura of being with another person.
I remember reading about Harry Harlow and his studies with rhesus monkeys. Harlow found that baby monkeys without playmates or real mothers became socially incompetent. We humans are like those rhesus monkeys...we crave contact with others of our species and we thrive from that contact. I have recommended this book to all of my Facebook friends. If you only read one book this year, please read "The Village Effect."
I remember reading about Harry Harlow and his studies with rhesus monkeys. Harlow found that baby monkeys without playmates or real mothers became socially incompetent. We humans are like those rhesus monkeys...we crave contact with others of our species and we thrive from that contact. I have recommended this book to all of my Facebook friends. If you only read one book this year, please read "The Village Effect."
November 6, 2014
Did not manage to finish this book. The information is interesting enough, but its presentation is scattered and not compelling. I often disliked the way the author presented statistics, implying or claiming causation when there was no basis for anything but correlation. Face to face contact is great, and I was looking to arm myself to take up its banner with lots of facts presented as part of an entertaining, cohesive argument. Instead, I was slammed over the head with something like this. "On the topic of longevity, there was this study that showed.... and there was another study that showed... and there was another study that showed..."
There are more interesting (and accurate!) ways to discuss research, Pinker. Please look into them.
There are more interesting (and accurate!) ways to discuss research, Pinker. Please look into them.
August 13, 2014
Pinker connects some fairly disparate seeming facts: people in Sardinian villages have some of the world's longest lifespans; people with serious illnesses are more likely to survive, the more people they socialize with regularly; computers, ipads, and tablets in classrooms do not increase student performance; children who are read to learn more and develop better social skills. The connection she finds and argues for, with a dizzying array of experts and studies in support, is that face-to-face interactions with other people have measurable impacts on human health and happiness.
As someone who is not terribly sociable and has never had a lot of close friends, I find her argument a little disturbing but Pinker does include studies of introverts. They do tend to die earlier, suffer more depression and earlier dementia, and so on, if they don't have the social feedback of face-to-face interaction, even if they need less of it or fewer contacts.
Her chapters on education and young people are fascinating, too, because the science seems to show that online friends and interactions do not have the same effect as face-to-face interactions and actually tend cause loneliness and depression. Television, computers, and mobile phones are harmful, she finds, not so much because of what they do themselves but because of what they *replace* -- meaningful interactions with other humans and the opportunity read other's body language and responses to us, which we may be biologically predisposed to need. Fascinating and well worth reading.
As someone who is not terribly sociable and has never had a lot of close friends, I find her argument a little disturbing but Pinker does include studies of introverts. They do tend to die earlier, suffer more depression and earlier dementia, and so on, if they don't have the social feedback of face-to-face interaction, even if they need less of it or fewer contacts.
Her chapters on education and young people are fascinating, too, because the science seems to show that online friends and interactions do not have the same effect as face-to-face interactions and actually tend cause loneliness and depression. Television, computers, and mobile phones are harmful, she finds, not so much because of what they do themselves but because of what they *replace* -- meaningful interactions with other humans and the opportunity read other's body language and responses to us, which we may be biologically predisposed to need. Fascinating and well worth reading.
November 10, 2014
Besides being a well-written social psychology book, this spoke to an increasingly deep yearning in my life: to do a better job connecting with real people, face to face, who are part of my broader circle of friends.
Has the Internet given me unprecedented reach to others and ways of connecting with old friends I had lost touch with? Of course. But as Susan Pinker demonstrates, study after study have shown that meaningful personal contact can lengthen lifespan, increase children's ability to read and learn, make dating and marriage real and lasting, and make businesses more profitable and better places to work.
She spans many of the studies that have been done, from Sandy Pentland's work with personal monitors showing how people interact in the workplace, to Robin Dunbar's brilliant work demonstrating how 150 is a magic number for the number of personal, closer relationships a human being can have.
She ends with commonsense recommendations on how to increase the meaningful and healthy personal relationships in our lives, and she writes gracefully and straightforwardly throughout.
April 23, 2015
This book and I got off to a bad start. In the introduction, it said "it's illegal to buy or sell organs for transplantation everywhere in the world except Iran and Singapore." That led to about half an hour of frantic Googling, and yes, you're going to read about it next.
WARNING: THIS IS NOT RELATED TO TEXT. SKIP TO NEXT CAPS SECTION TO GET BACK TO THE BOOK REVIEW.
First, the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA) says
What the author was probably thinking about, was the addition of the word "compensation" to HOTA. Part 3, section (c) says
Also, this is limited to Singaporeans/PRs. If what I read about Iran was right (I don't know the relevant act, so I didn't look it up), it's legal for citizens to sell their kidneys for profit, something that is illegal in Singapore. What Singapore is doing is similar to what Australia is doing (and if you listen to that article, they're not the only two countries). So the author was mistaken to include Singapore - if she wanted to make compensation a form of buying and selling, then she should have included Australia and any other countries who do the same.
BACK TO THE REVIEW.
Anyway, after that rocky start to the book, I thought it was interesting. The book is basically about how face-to-face contact can really, really help our health, and how screen time may not be as beneficial as we think it is (although the technology is useful). The author goes out of her way to stress that she's not a technophobe, but that she wants more contact for people.
There are a lot of studies in the book, which would be the basis of all the recommendations/implications of face-to-face contact. Of course, after the whole including Singapore in list of countries that allow the selling of organs because of misunderstanding a law (and then suddenly correctly understanding that Australia's stance), I'm more than a little hesitant to let believe all her interpretations of the studies.
This is a readable book, and I do want to find out more about the subject. Does anyone know of a similar book, where someone else looks at the same studies and comes up with their own conclusions?
Disclaimer: I got a free copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for a free and honest review.
This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile
WARNING: THIS IS NOT RELATED TO TEXT. SKIP TO NEXT CAPS SECTION TO GET BACK TO THE BOOK REVIEW.
First, the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA) says
PART IV: PROHIBITION OF TRADING IN ORGANS AND BLOOD
Buying or selling of organs or blood prohibited and void
14.—(1) Subject to subsections (3) and (4), a contract or an arrangement under which a person agrees, for valuable consideration, whether given or to be given to himself or to another person, to the sale or supply of any organ or blood from his body or from the body of another person, whether before or after his death or the death of the other person, as the case may be, shall be void. [14/2009]
(2) A person who enters into a contract or an arrangement of the kind referred to in subsection (1) and to which that subsection applies shall be guilty of an offence and shall be liable on conviction to a fine not exceeding $10,000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 12 months or to both. (emphasis added)
What the author was probably thinking about, was the addition of the word "compensation" to HOTA. Part 3, section (c) says
(c) any contract, arrangement or valuable consideration providing only for the defraying or reimbursing, in money or money’s worth, of such costs or expenses that may be reasonably incurred by a person in relation to —
(i) the removal, transportation, preparation, preservation, quality control or storage of any organ;
(ii) the costs or expenses (including the costs of travel, accommodation, domestic help or child care) or loss of earnings so far as are reasonably or directly attributable to that person supplying any organ from his body; and
(iii) any short-term or long-term medical care or insurance protection of that person which is or may reasonably be necessary as a consequence of his supplying any organ from his body.
Also, this is limited to Singaporeans/PRs. If what I read about Iran was right (I don't know the relevant act, so I didn't look it up), it's legal for citizens to sell their kidneys for profit, something that is illegal in Singapore. What Singapore is doing is similar to what Australia is doing (and if you listen to that article, they're not the only two countries). So the author was mistaken to include Singapore - if she wanted to make compensation a form of buying and selling, then she should have included Australia and any other countries who do the same.
BACK TO THE REVIEW.
Anyway, after that rocky start to the book, I thought it was interesting. The book is basically about how face-to-face contact can really, really help our health, and how screen time may not be as beneficial as we think it is (although the technology is useful). The author goes out of her way to stress that she's not a technophobe, but that she wants more contact for people.
There are a lot of studies in the book, which would be the basis of all the recommendations/implications of face-to-face contact. Of course, after the whole including Singapore in list of countries that allow the selling of organs because of misunderstanding a law (and then suddenly correctly understanding that Australia's stance), I'm more than a little hesitant to let believe all her interpretations of the studies.
This is a readable book, and I do want to find out more about the subject. Does anyone know of a similar book, where someone else looks at the same studies and comes up with their own conclusions?
Disclaimer: I got a free copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for a free and honest review.
This review was first posted at Inside the mind of a Bibliophile
January 26, 2023
I bought this book to read the chapters on the importance of face-to-face interaction among adults and found it interesting to learn of studies showing the important chemical things that happen in our brains and bodies when we interact with others. I skipped the chapters on infant development and teens and online spaces.
May 25, 2017
A fascinating book that has helped me unravel the mystery of why my time in Mexico is so healing for me. I don't have the same life responsibilities there, have no tv and little availability of phone, so I am freed up to enjoy the smorgasbord of face-to-face contact that studies have shown extend life by "fortifying your immune system, calibrating your hormones, and rejigging how the genes that govern your behavior and resilience are expressed." I have the time to talk daily with my tight but diverse community. Author Susan Pinker has handed the baton to me. It is now my responsibility to build social interactions to all aspects of my life. The life I am saving is mine to save.
March 4, 2018
Really great book explaining how face-to-face contact is important and how it's better than what happens through social media and emails.
You need peers to become a centenarian.
And introverts. Please read this. Introverts need people too.
You need peers to become a centenarian.
And introverts. Please read this. Introverts need people too.
May 2, 2018
I’m going to stop reading this type of pseudo-science /psychology/ extended articles put into a book packaged just slightly differently to someone else’s book / podcast / article.
Unfortunately not much new and nothing I’ve not heard / Read about elsewhere in the past year.
Unfortunately not much new and nothing I’ve not heard / Read about elsewhere in the past year.
August 2, 2019
Such a joy to have read this book.
Connection, connection and connection. It's what keeps us away from depression and balanced.
No wonder females live longer than men because they priorities bonding and connecting deeply with their friends, family and during social events.
Although Pinker goes into technical details which is more than my taste, I highly recommend this book for the sanity of humanity.
Connection, connection and connection. It's what keeps us away from depression and balanced.
No wonder females live longer than men because they priorities bonding and connecting deeply with their friends, family and during social events.
Although Pinker goes into technical details which is more than my taste, I highly recommend this book for the sanity of humanity.
October 29, 2019
Susan Pinker in The Village Effects sets out with the question: Does face-to-face contact make us healthier, happier, and smarter? Then she draws upon extensive research to show why the answer to that question is yes, yes, and yes.
Fascinating.
Fascinating.
December 21, 2016
4-stars for research and presentation. 1-star for novelty of the info. 1-star for personal usefulness (to me). So, on average 2 stars. Most thinking people already know that humans are social animals, ergo socialization is good for many outcomes, and lack of it bad. For me (and no doubt some others), her message is akin to how-to-succeed in stocks: "buy low, sell high." Not practically useful. Being a life-long loner (eg, me) is a consequence of many factors (personality, genetics, nurture, rejection by others, etc), and makes it almost impossible to become a "joiner", even if you were to enjoy the face-to-face company of others (rarely in my case) or wanted to mix-in. Especially at age 71. So, if you're like me, just keep going to the gym and avoid cigarettes and junk food. I have, over the years, made the effort to join some groups (and show enthusiasm), but invariably after time, sometimes years, it was clear (I'm slow to pick up on signals) that my presence wasn't appreciated and my enthusiasm not reciprocated. Now, older and wiser, I don't bother 'reaching out.' Conversely, if you're popular to start with, her book is a waste of your time.
May 5, 2015
Susan Pinker wrote a tremendously fascinating book. She investigates the link between an active social circle and its effect on health and longevity. She punches several sacred cows that deal with internet contact and how it fails to live up to it's grand claims. In the book a study was commissioned to explore the effect a parent's reassurances had to a child about an upcoming test. The most effect came from face-to-face interaction. The second from a phone call. Turns out a text message made practically no effect on the child. In other words it was just as good as saying nothing.
Human interaction and communication best takes place in person. There are things that just cannot be said online and topics were nuance should be prized above brevity. She gives a handy prescription at the end that emphasizes that being isolated behind a screen talking to electronic avatars is not the same as a living in a a real village.
Human interaction and communication best takes place in person. There are things that just cannot be said online and topics were nuance should be prized above brevity. She gives a handy prescription at the end that emphasizes that being isolated behind a screen talking to electronic avatars is not the same as a living in a a real village.
January 1, 2016
So many great insights! A must-read for anyone who works in community run organisations or management, but really for everyone!
January 21, 2019
Interesting book about how meaningful social ties affect our lives, health and wellbeing.
January 3, 2023
تظهر الأبحاث أن لعب الورق مرة واحدة في الأسبوع أو مقابلة الأصدقاء كل يوم أربعاء في ستاربكس مثلاً، يضيف سنوات عديدة إلى حياتنا مثل تناول حاصرات بيتا أو الإقلاع عن عادة التدخين!!
سوزان بينكر
سوزان بينكر
August 19, 2017
Very interesting book - made special effort to talk to my children rather than text them and have been persuading Scott he needs to marry me for his own health benefits as well as my own. Let's live in a commune - it's good for our health, I like that idea. I liked that this book was peer reviewed by Stephen Pinker, Susan's brother and Daniel Pink (author of Drive) - what a lot of pinkness.
April 6, 2021
Written a few years before the COVID pandemic, this came to be a prescient book with the seemingly basic premise that people are intricately connected to the people around them and they thrive off of this connection. There is no substitute for this and our many attempts to replicate human connection, either through social media, video chat etc have proven this to be the case.
Read
November 27, 2017I read/skimmed this book for my thesis paper.
The basic argument of this book is that people need face-to-face interaction. Unfortunately, today there is less and less relationship and community; instead there are virtual communities and online interactions on social media. These, however, don't cut it. Studies have shown that we need actual person-to-person (in real life) contact with others. If we do this, we will be smarter, healthier, and happier.
The basic argument of this book is that people need face-to-face interaction. Unfortunately, today there is less and less relationship and community; instead there are virtual communities and online interactions on social media. These, however, don't cut it. Studies have shown that we need actual person-to-person (in real life) contact with others. If we do this, we will be smarter, healthier, and happier.
March 17, 2024
Fascinating Book
Really interesting book arguing that in-person interaction is essential for health and happiness. Would recommend this to everyone especially in our increasingly digital world.
Really interesting book arguing that in-person interaction is essential for health and happiness. Would recommend this to everyone especially in our increasingly digital world.
March 2, 2025
Little boring and repetitive but petty solid overall.
August 11, 2018
Stumbled across this book while doing research on loneliness. Lots of food for thought...
November 16, 2020
Second time reading this book. Read it when it first came out but thought it important to revisit with everything that's been going on. Susan Pinker illustrates the monumental importance of social contacts, especially face to face interactions. Given we are at a severe challenge of doing exactly that, I think it's worth considering that there are repercussions to all decisions. Interacting with others socially is not a simple luxury but a need which people have and not having it can have a severe negative impact on one's health.
The book clearly lays out how loneliness makes one more prone to a number of health problems and can lead to early death, one of the main reasons for which men live shorter lives than women.
In an increasingly digital world it was worth a reminder of how bad some of the devices we use are for us, and especially for children. A good review of the down sides to popular and trendy programs to introduce laptop (and now iPads) into classrooms. Quality teachers and face to face interacts are the key to a child's development. Worth considering now that large numbers of children are being taught virtually during the pandemic, with full time access to machines which are more likely to be a source of distraction than a tool to improve learning.
A high quality, thorough, evidence based book that clearly establishes the importance of face to face interactions for people of all ages. Everyone should read this book, especially now that the topic has become so important!
The book clearly lays out how loneliness makes one more prone to a number of health problems and can lead to early death, one of the main reasons for which men live shorter lives than women.
In an increasingly digital world it was worth a reminder of how bad some of the devices we use are for us, and especially for children. A good review of the down sides to popular and trendy programs to introduce laptop (and now iPads) into classrooms. Quality teachers and face to face interacts are the key to a child's development. Worth considering now that large numbers of children are being taught virtually during the pandemic, with full time access to machines which are more likely to be a source of distraction than a tool to improve learning.
A high quality, thorough, evidence based book that clearly establishes the importance of face to face interactions for people of all ages. Everyone should read this book, especially now that the topic has become so important!
January 12, 2015
Goodreads really should have a zero rating or an "avoid at all costs" rating. In absence of those ratings I had to give this book a one star as that is the lowest permitted. I am not a medical doctor, nor have I reviewed the numerous studies referenced by the authors in this book. That being said, my common sense BS alarm was screaming as I read this book.
The authors claims that studies shows that face to face contact can increase life span by up to 15 years and lead to illnesses recovering more quickly. They then claim that studies show that stress has no impact what so ever on cancer causation and recovery time. Again, I am no doctor or academic, but something seems amiss with how these studies were positioned in the book.
I also found that the book stated the obvious about virtual vs. in person contact and how the internet has changed this paradigm.
Skip this one, it's not worth your valuable time.
The authors claims that studies shows that face to face contact can increase life span by up to 15 years and lead to illnesses recovering more quickly. They then claim that studies show that stress has no impact what so ever on cancer causation and recovery time. Again, I am no doctor or academic, but something seems amiss with how these studies were positioned in the book.
I also found that the book stated the obvious about virtual vs. in person contact and how the internet has changed this paradigm.
Skip this one, it's not worth your valuable time.
August 11, 2014
Very insightful with research to back up topics presented. The conversational tone presents topics in a way all experience levels can comprehend. Whether you are researching the topic or a curious amateur this book delivers.
September 8, 2016
So...I guess you get lucky in your home town, your family, and your personality, or you are out of luck?
February 29, 2024
I read this book because at my job, I was building a software product who's intention was to facilitate forming friendships. We had some hypotheses around what would enable these relationships but I wanted to have a better understanding on what the scientific prognosis on how friendships were formed was and how close our assumptions might be to achieving that.
I quickly realized upon reading this book it wasn't really about the mechanics of face to face interactions, so much as the impact of face to face interactions. I found it fascinating, actually, but at a certain point I kind of forgot I was in the middle of reading it.
Then I got laid off along with the rest of the team, due to an acquisition, the product we were building successfully initiated but with lots of potential we didn't quite get to see through, although hopefully others will; and as I was between jobs, as a little bit of mental house cleaning, I felt I would make the time to finish reading this book.
The book goes into great detail about the various benefits of friendship, as well as some of the latest science around how on-screen interactions differ from in-person interactions (a valuable insight for someone who works in technology, and specifically for the company I was working at). It does this through references to various scientific studies that have taken place in the last number of years, and various anecdotes/interviews from the authors life. As she points out at the end of the book, we get to know a good deal of her swim team.
Without going too deep into any of it, the conclusion the book draws is that, essentially, face to face contact trumps all. It is better for your health. You learn better from a good teacher than any good software. IMs and social media can help you stay in touch with your friends, but they do not replace face to face communication. It even goes so far as asserting, in the early part of the book, that the secret to longevity may even be in the quality of the garden of friends you can build.
There are risks, though, as the last chapter notes when it talks about fraudsters who use their position as 'trusted members' of an in group to financially take advantage of folks. So face to face contact is not, necessarily, a panacea.
The book also mentions quite a few times something called the 'female effect' - basically, for whatever reason, women tend to have more and stronger relationships. (Apparently studying that was the initial reason for writing this book, but I don't know that I feel there was a satisfactory answer for how come that is the case (if its biological or cultural), but it does talk about the mechanics for it, which basically involve women being more likely to have deep conversations about feelings with each other, and more likely to spend time tending to their 'social gardens' - and how this can literally be life saving). The book tends to posit that for a lot of husbands, their social network is entirely dependent on their wife, and when their wife dies, they suddenly find themselves alone and with no support - leading to a lot of them dying shortly afterwards compared to those who have their own networks.
I don't know that the book does a great job identifying any huge conclusions, it's more of a stream of related ideas drawn together one after the other, with the unifying conclusion being "tend to your social network and you'll live well". The epilogue gives good steps on how to build the 'village effect', as she calls it. Most felt like common sense to me after reading the book - live where you can talk to your neighbours, tend to your social garden the same way you do diet and exercise, don't use screen time to displace face to face time, prefer eduction with people versus technology.
The information felt important, and going back to the theme of the job I recently lost, it reinforced my appreciation for having the opportunity to work at a company with a positive social mission that fostered face to face communication rather than screen to screen interaction.
I quickly realized upon reading this book it wasn't really about the mechanics of face to face interactions, so much as the impact of face to face interactions. I found it fascinating, actually, but at a certain point I kind of forgot I was in the middle of reading it.
Then I got laid off along with the rest of the team, due to an acquisition, the product we were building successfully initiated but with lots of potential we didn't quite get to see through, although hopefully others will; and as I was between jobs, as a little bit of mental house cleaning, I felt I would make the time to finish reading this book.
The book goes into great detail about the various benefits of friendship, as well as some of the latest science around how on-screen interactions differ from in-person interactions (a valuable insight for someone who works in technology, and specifically for the company I was working at). It does this through references to various scientific studies that have taken place in the last number of years, and various anecdotes/interviews from the authors life. As she points out at the end of the book, we get to know a good deal of her swim team.
Without going too deep into any of it, the conclusion the book draws is that, essentially, face to face contact trumps all. It is better for your health. You learn better from a good teacher than any good software. IMs and social media can help you stay in touch with your friends, but they do not replace face to face communication. It even goes so far as asserting, in the early part of the book, that the secret to longevity may even be in the quality of the garden of friends you can build.
There are risks, though, as the last chapter notes when it talks about fraudsters who use their position as 'trusted members' of an in group to financially take advantage of folks. So face to face contact is not, necessarily, a panacea.
The book also mentions quite a few times something called the 'female effect' - basically, for whatever reason, women tend to have more and stronger relationships. (Apparently studying that was the initial reason for writing this book, but I don't know that I feel there was a satisfactory answer for how come that is the case (if its biological or cultural), but it does talk about the mechanics for it, which basically involve women being more likely to have deep conversations about feelings with each other, and more likely to spend time tending to their 'social gardens' - and how this can literally be life saving). The book tends to posit that for a lot of husbands, their social network is entirely dependent on their wife, and when their wife dies, they suddenly find themselves alone and with no support - leading to a lot of them dying shortly afterwards compared to those who have their own networks.
I don't know that the book does a great job identifying any huge conclusions, it's more of a stream of related ideas drawn together one after the other, with the unifying conclusion being "tend to your social network and you'll live well". The epilogue gives good steps on how to build the 'village effect', as she calls it. Most felt like common sense to me after reading the book - live where you can talk to your neighbours, tend to your social garden the same way you do diet and exercise, don't use screen time to displace face to face time, prefer eduction with people versus technology.
The information felt important, and going back to the theme of the job I recently lost, it reinforced my appreciation for having the opportunity to work at a company with a positive social mission that fostered face to face communication rather than screen to screen interaction.
February 11, 2025
Susan Pinker’s book, The Village Effect, is a fascinating look at the power of human connection and how our relationships shape our health, happiness, and even how long we live. In today’s world, where people spend more time online than face-to-face, Pinker reminds us that real, in-person relationships are essential for a fulfilling life. Using scientific research, personal stories, and real-world examples, she explains why strong social ties can be even more important than diet or exercise when it comes to living a long and healthy life.
Three Key Insights from the Book
One of the most powerful lessons from The Village Effect is that face-to-face connections are incredibly important for our well-being. Pinker explains that while digital communication like texting and video calls can help us stay in touch, they don’t replace the benefits of seeing people in person. She shares research showing that those who have regular, in-person interactions with friends, family, and their community tend to be happier and healthier. Physical presence helps release oxytocin, a hormone that reduces stress and strengthens bonds between people.
Another key takeaway is that strong relationships can actually help us live longer. Pinker highlights studies that show how having close social ties can protect against diseases, lower blood pressure, and even increase lifespan. In one example, she discusses how people in certain small communities—where neighbors know and support each other—often live longer than those in big cities where people are more isolated. This research proves that having a supportive “village” around us isn’t just nice—it’s necessary for a long and healthy life.
A third important insight from the book is that meaningful interactions don’t have to come from family alone. While close family ties are important, Pinker stresses that friendships, workplace relationships, and even casual connections—like chatting with a neighbor or a barista at a coffee shop—can all boost well-being. She encourages readers to build a strong social network in different areas of their lives, making an effort to connect with people on a daily basis.
Two Downsides of the Book
While The Village Effect is filled with great research and helpful insights, one downside is that some parts of the book can feel repetitive. Pinker provides a lot of different studies and examples to support her points, but sometimes she repeats the same ideas in different ways. Some readers might feel that the book could have been shorter without losing its main message.
Another drawback is that the book doesn’t always offer enough practical advice on how to strengthen social connections. While Pinker does an excellent job explaining why relationships matter, she doesn’t provide as many concrete steps for people who struggle to make friends or build community. Readers looking for a clear “how-to” guide on forming deeper relationships might find themselves wanting more specific suggestions.
Final Thoughts
Overall, The Village Effect is a thought-provoking book that reminds us of something simple but often forgotten: human connection is essential for a happy, healthy life. Pinker’s research-backed insights make a strong case for prioritizing in-person relationships over digital ones. She encourages readers to invest time in friendships, engage with their community, and find ways to interact with people in real life rather than relying only on screens.
If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to live longer and happier lives, or if you want to improve your own relationships, this book is worth reading. It’s a powerful reminder that we all need a “village” to thrive—and that sometimes, the simplest way to improve our well-being is to reach out and connect with those around us.
Three Key Insights from the Book
One of the most powerful lessons from The Village Effect is that face-to-face connections are incredibly important for our well-being. Pinker explains that while digital communication like texting and video calls can help us stay in touch, they don’t replace the benefits of seeing people in person. She shares research showing that those who have regular, in-person interactions with friends, family, and their community tend to be happier and healthier. Physical presence helps release oxytocin, a hormone that reduces stress and strengthens bonds between people.
Another key takeaway is that strong relationships can actually help us live longer. Pinker highlights studies that show how having close social ties can protect against diseases, lower blood pressure, and even increase lifespan. In one example, she discusses how people in certain small communities—where neighbors know and support each other—often live longer than those in big cities where people are more isolated. This research proves that having a supportive “village” around us isn’t just nice—it’s necessary for a long and healthy life.
A third important insight from the book is that meaningful interactions don’t have to come from family alone. While close family ties are important, Pinker stresses that friendships, workplace relationships, and even casual connections—like chatting with a neighbor or a barista at a coffee shop—can all boost well-being. She encourages readers to build a strong social network in different areas of their lives, making an effort to connect with people on a daily basis.
Two Downsides of the Book
While The Village Effect is filled with great research and helpful insights, one downside is that some parts of the book can feel repetitive. Pinker provides a lot of different studies and examples to support her points, but sometimes she repeats the same ideas in different ways. Some readers might feel that the book could have been shorter without losing its main message.
Another drawback is that the book doesn’t always offer enough practical advice on how to strengthen social connections. While Pinker does an excellent job explaining why relationships matter, she doesn’t provide as many concrete steps for people who struggle to make friends or build community. Readers looking for a clear “how-to” guide on forming deeper relationships might find themselves wanting more specific suggestions.
Final Thoughts
Overall, The Village Effect is a thought-provoking book that reminds us of something simple but often forgotten: human connection is essential for a happy, healthy life. Pinker’s research-backed insights make a strong case for prioritizing in-person relationships over digital ones. She encourages readers to invest time in friendships, engage with their community, and find ways to interact with people in real life rather than relying only on screens.
If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem to live longer and happier lives, or if you want to improve your own relationships, this book is worth reading. It’s a powerful reminder that we all need a “village” to thrive—and that sometimes, the simplest way to improve our well-being is to reach out and connect with those around us.
June 10, 2019
I was so excited for this book, the wife of Steven Pinker writing about social science. Please. But no, this book is just bad science. Inconclusive and assumptive. Susan jumps to conclusions based on nothing but the idea that socialization is good, therefore the conclusion of any experiment must prove so. Certainly there must be some experiments that prove socialization can be detrimental for you health. Else the experiments are meaningless. If the result of every single experiment is positive, you're proving nothing. You're just a fanatic creating a religion. This is what this book is really, a religion for socialization based on no conclusive evidence what so ever.
“Children who socialize at dinner with their parents lead more successful adult lives”. Susan goes on to say it’s important to eat dinner with your parents. Come on, there is no evidence that the cause is dinner time. It could be simply improved vocabulary, or socialization. Surely any child who talks for 30 minutes everyday to someone with a wealth of knowledge will preform better as an adult. That's no test for socialization. Could be simply parents who have time to eat with their children, simply have time to help their children with homework, or provide money for college education. It could simply mean taking 30 minutes of your time for a break leads to a more successful life. It could simply mean, children who eat with their parents, have positive relationships with their parents. Would eating with strangers for 30 minutes everyday have the same effect? With your peers? Grandparents? Perhaps a sibling only dinner table with no parents present? There's absolutely no conclusion.
Susan continuously makes fun of male scientists. "as if they don't know what every women knows". Denigrates fathers. Susan, you think father's socialize with their children less because they love them less than mothers? Father's work so that they can provide for the children they love. Why else, why would they work for years without taking a single vacation? Often in dangerous environments! Which may lead to death, or disability in their later years?
Susan continuously tries to manipulative you throughout the entire book as if you're dating her. And if you disagree with her, it's a personal attack on her character. How dare you disagree with her? She's a great person, can't you see that? Don't you have a personal relationship with her? How dare you disagree. Look you're making her cry. She constantly tells us details of her personal life. Describes her swim partners. Tells stories about her swim partners as if she's trying to make us her friend. To get us disillusioned. Get inside her reality distortion field. No thank you Susan. We want facts and proofs. Not feelings or "intuition" that being part of a social group magically extends our life by 15 years.
Susan could be right, but it doesn't matter. Even if it's true, without facts, it's not science.
“Children who socialize at dinner with their parents lead more successful adult lives”. Susan goes on to say it’s important to eat dinner with your parents. Come on, there is no evidence that the cause is dinner time. It could be simply improved vocabulary, or socialization. Surely any child who talks for 30 minutes everyday to someone with a wealth of knowledge will preform better as an adult. That's no test for socialization. Could be simply parents who have time to eat with their children, simply have time to help their children with homework, or provide money for college education. It could simply mean taking 30 minutes of your time for a break leads to a more successful life. It could simply mean, children who eat with their parents, have positive relationships with their parents. Would eating with strangers for 30 minutes everyday have the same effect? With your peers? Grandparents? Perhaps a sibling only dinner table with no parents present? There's absolutely no conclusion.
Susan continuously makes fun of male scientists. "as if they don't know what every women knows". Denigrates fathers. Susan, you think father's socialize with their children less because they love them less than mothers? Father's work so that they can provide for the children they love. Why else, why would they work for years without taking a single vacation? Often in dangerous environments! Which may lead to death, or disability in their later years?
Susan continuously tries to manipulative you throughout the entire book as if you're dating her. And if you disagree with her, it's a personal attack on her character. How dare you disagree with her? She's a great person, can't you see that? Don't you have a personal relationship with her? How dare you disagree. Look you're making her cry. She constantly tells us details of her personal life. Describes her swim partners. Tells stories about her swim partners as if she's trying to make us her friend. To get us disillusioned. Get inside her reality distortion field. No thank you Susan. We want facts and proofs. Not feelings or "intuition" that being part of a social group magically extends our life by 15 years.
Susan could be right, but it doesn't matter. Even if it's true, without facts, it's not science.
April 28, 2020
3.5 stars. This book is a compilation of the social neuroscience research on the benefits of in-person contact. Real connection is needed to thrive, and is associated with fighting infection, physiological resilience, living longer, learning, and happiness. Digital connection/social networking does not have the same benefits, but instead are associated with loneliness, depression, and less social engagement. The Village Effect encourages creating your own personal village of connection, including quality interaction with friends, children, spouses, and your community. Pinker suggests building real human contact and conversations into your day, just as you would schedule time for exercise. Some chapters were more interesting to me than others, and some information I have read before in other books, so the rating isn't as high as it would've been if this was all new to me. Still, its a good reminder about the importance of connection for our physical and emotional health.
-"Women's tendency to put a premium on their social connections is one of the main reasons they live longer."
-More social integration, more benefits - being married, and being involved in church, and with friend groups, and volunteering in your community
-Eating dinner together as a family...improves grades, reading, vocabulary, academic achievement, emotional health, empathy, and protects against risky behavior
-Classroom technology is not linked with student achievement and, in some cases, they make things worse. Only good teachers can do this. "Face-to-face contact with a skilled teacher for even one year in a child's life has more impact than any laptop program has had so far."
-The medium of a message is more important than the content (talking is better than texting).
-People who practice a religion are happier, healthier, and live longer than those who don't.
-"A man must be clothed with society or we shall feel a certain bareness and poverty." -Emerson
-"Psychotherapy can relieve emotional distress, but it can't extend your lifespan. Chemotherapy and radiation can improve your lifespan, but they can't relieve your distress. Only your friends can do both."
-"Women's tendency to put a premium on their social connections is one of the main reasons they live longer."
-More social integration, more benefits - being married, and being involved in church, and with friend groups, and volunteering in your community
-Eating dinner together as a family...improves grades, reading, vocabulary, academic achievement, emotional health, empathy, and protects against risky behavior
-Classroom technology is not linked with student achievement and, in some cases, they make things worse. Only good teachers can do this. "Face-to-face contact with a skilled teacher for even one year in a child's life has more impact than any laptop program has had so far."
-The medium of a message is more important than the content (talking is better than texting).
-People who practice a religion are happier, healthier, and live longer than those who don't.
-"A man must be clothed with society or we shall feel a certain bareness and poverty." -Emerson
-"Psychotherapy can relieve emotional distress, but it can't extend your lifespan. Chemotherapy and radiation can improve your lifespan, but they can't relieve your distress. Only your friends can do both."
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