What do you think?
Rate this book
A Risky Christmas
Finding love was the furthest thing from Nicole’s mind until the day she met her gorgeous, mysterious boss for the first time. Once she met her, love was the only thing on her mind. But Kailyn seems too good to be true and then a series of events points to the beautiful, elusive woman not being all that she seems. Should she trust her heart that’s screaming that Kailyn could be ‘the one’ or her head that’s telling her to run?
82 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 25, 2014
10 people are currently reading
29 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
August 29, 2017
I realize I never posted my review from 2015 on Goodreads. Guys, even after two years, I still remember the amazing amount of laughs this ebook gave me. There's a certain line in the book that, whenever I'm not sure about my own writing, I will pull it up and it gives me life. Alright, let's go. Take it away, me from 2015!
---
Let me say it’s pretty much nothing like the blurb. It should read more like “Some woman meets another woman who has to monologue in front of other characters because the author doesn’t know how to give us information otherwise.”
Also, just so you guys know, the author couldn’t even remember her character’s name. In the blurb it’s spelled “Kailyn” but there’s only 11 matches throughout the book for that spelling. But for “Kaylin” there’s 100 matches. It’s this kind of thing that makes you wonder what you’ve stepped into, right? Let’s begin.
The story starts off innocently enough. Kailyn is interrogating a man in the typical single light bulb, one chair room.
We see this a lot throughout the book. Angrily. Sadly. Excitedly. Adverbs, which 98% of writing resources say are a bad thing, happen to be the skeleton and muscle of the book. At first I didn’t mind this… then emotions became a memory and everything was lazily explained by adverbs. So after our TV drama interrogation, the book introduces us to Nicole who’s preparing the bookshop (that we don’t learn the name of until much later) for Christmas.
“As usual.” I love this. We don’t even know the character. She’s said nothing until now about this subject. “As usual.” How cute.
And so the “plot” begins. Nicole falls from the ladder, hurts her wrist, and Kailyn materializes from thin air to pull an Edward Cullen. Kailyn immediately takes her to a doctor, which Nicole protests because “I don’t know you, who are you, where are we going?” But Kailyn insists, because who cares if you’re making someone else uncomfortable, right?
While Nicole is forced to change into a hospital gown, Kailyn hops on the phone with someone–a poorly written doctor’s visit ensues, then Kailyn continues her Edward Cullen impersonation by taking Nicole to lunch.
Someone put this novel out of it’s misery. You’ve known each other for maybe two hours!! The next chapter opens with Kailyn’s conversation. Apparently she was talking to her father about some shady business (oooo! A plot!) and part of the conversation includes this:
To quote my Kindle note: "What is this even trying to say?" But don’t worry–there’s plenty more like this! I lost count of how many sentences confused the actual heck out of me. This one is particularly my favorite:
The bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded. The bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded. Just… let’s allow that one to sink in. The bell chimes. To signal the door. Opening sounded. Pure poetry, my friends. I’m getting that tattooed.
So the next day, Nicole tries to contact Andrew (the manager or whatever who’s been missing, who we know was interrogated by Kailyn) when suddenly the bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded, and here comes the FBI! Agent Crossfield has a few questions for Nicole, who answers them with giggles and grins. But wait!
If the FBI is involved, something horrible must have happened! Nicole “pleads” with the agent to know what happens–AND HE TELLS HER. Seriously, dude? Pretty sure you just told her in the previous sentence that it’s confidential! So why do you tell her after “Please, he is a friend not just an employer”?? Because I’m pretty sure that’s grounds to get you fired.
Anyway, they close the shop and Nicole goes home and calls Kailyn who apologizes that she can’t hang because she’s busy. Nicole takes this like a slap in the face and considers “calling one of my friends or even Jessica” (I guess acting like friends at work isn’t enough to be friends with Nicole) but instead just curls up on the couch and falls asleep. We then join Kailyn in the middle of a clean up job. Two more “What is this trying to tell me” sentences happen here, as well.
How do you stand on your tiptoes but place something on your toes? Like, how does that physically happen? Despite the bland drama, Kailyn doesn’t get caught. She’s so sneaky and perfect, she makes her way out of the building and watches police storm the area. But she has more important things to do. Such as cuddling with Nicole–which she proceeds to do and Nicole waxes about how it’s “right” and “wishing she could hold me all night” and how “comfortable” she is. Alright, we get it, thanks.
The next morning the store is closed. Kailyn calls for a breakfast date. At first it’s set up that we might learn something about the characters, but it’s quickly shut down by “We lingered over breakfast until ten” and then there’s a time skip. Nicole decides to go to the store, despite being told it was closed, and finds the place ransacked by police. This is where the book takes a headlong run off the cliff we’ve so carefully balanced.
I guess Catrina Wolfe has never watched police dramas or read police novels. Maybe I should have stopped taking the book seriously a long time ago, but this is where I about laughed my head straight off my shoulders. The police have no reason to interrogate her. If anything, they would put her in an office or cubicle and ask her random questions. They wouldn’t get in her face in a tiny “freezing interrogation room” where there’s “no table like on TV” (so maybe she has watched some!) and only one chair. Are we using the same image as the beginning of the book, the single chair and light bulb in a cold small room? Okay. Sure. That’s great. Very imaginative.
After a bit more chest pounding, a woman struts into the room and announces she’s a lawyer and sweeps Nicole away. The lawyer takes Nicole to Kailyn, who waits outside the station, there’s a small conversation and Nicole proves she has ears by telling us “I didn’t turn around but I knew when [the lawyer] walked away.” Great job! You heard her walking away! God, that whole scene was so unnecessary. Nicole confronts Kailyn with the information police told her. Killing Andrew, mostly. Kailyn pulls another Edward Cullen and this happens:
Maybe it’s just me, but the last line is just so idiotic. “Because you want to know the answers to all your questions before you can trust me.” SHE WAS TOLD YOU KILLED SOMEONE. SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CAN’T TRUST YOU RIGHT NOW. SHE JUST WANTS TO KNOW–DID YOU KILL HIM OR NOT? But instead of answering, Kailyn insists she has things to do and tells Nicole (who’s desperate to believe they’re in a relationship already) “You want more than I can give and you want it the one time I can’t risk it. I can’t risk being wrong this time there’s too much on the line,” [she said regretfully.]
I’m a believer of punctuation. This scene was supposed to be the tipping point, the conflict, the part where we start to sympathize with Nicole. Instead I just scratched my head and said, “Why is this a run on?” So Kailyn runs away to do some stuff. I don’t even know at this point because it’s full of sentences like:
Then they’re on the run and Nicole’s involved because Caleb (I guess he’s the reason this whole thing is happening; it’s not really mentioned) knows Kailyn is seeing her. So Kailyn rushes to her side and finds her hiding under a car in the parking garage. Nicole’s been there since morning (it’s sometime after midnight by the time Kailyn shows up) and is hungry, angry, and finally starting to see sense.
Alright! This is when Nicole is going to steel herself and lay into Kailyn! I can’t do this, I can’t trust you, you’ve explained absolutely nothing, I could’ve been killed, who are you, what’s this all about–so many options! And then this happens:
REALLY? It was Kailyn’s fault in the first place! Are you telling me you forgive Kailyn for everything because, hey, at least she came to get you!!! Stop it! Shut up! But Nicole continues to believe they’re in a relationship and goes with Kailyn to a secluded cabin. Tragedy strikes:
From my Kindle notes: "Uh huh. This is bull. Now I know this was either inspired by some hetero romance or she started writing hetero then changed it to be edgy." Tragedy. Okay, I know, I’m being picky but let’s be honest. How many times in lesbian fiction do you see one woman carrying another? Think about it. Now how many times in any other genre do you see a man carrying a woman? What about gay fiction? Man carrying man. I don’t know, guys, this part bothered me. It’s just so… awkward. Out of place. It’s just not… lesbian fiction.
Some boring things happen after this. I’m still not sure what the plot is at this point. But Kaylin promises her uncle that “This will be avenged” and it’s so corny and I’ve completely checked out. But finally Kailyn admits some of the truth.
Personally, I’d like to know how she beat the crap out of someone and not leave bruises. Is that physically possible? I don’t think so. Try again, Wolfe.
Afterwards, there’s supposedly a touching scene between Kailyn and Nicole… and that’s it. We get a “two weeks later” recap and… nothing. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing happened in this 99 cent ebook. There’s nothing that resembles plot unless you consider the running bad punctuation and flat characters the plot. I thought it was interesting how they couldn’t express emotions besides “angrily.” There were no clenched fists or crossed arms, even. An emotionless world would make a good plot for Wolfe. Oh, and for those curious, the adverb count was up to 61. That doesn’t include anything found inside of paragraphs, just dialogue tags.
So final words: This horrible thing desperately needed to see an editor. So many paragraphs, sentences, and dialogue ended with commas instead of periods.
There was no plot. There was nothing. If you stick with this book past five pages, you’ll need alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.
---
Let me say it’s pretty much nothing like the blurb. It should read more like “Some woman meets another woman who has to monologue in front of other characters because the author doesn’t know how to give us information otherwise.”
Also, just so you guys know, the author couldn’t even remember her character’s name. In the blurb it’s spelled “Kailyn” but there’s only 11 matches throughout the book for that spelling. But for “Kaylin” there’s 100 matches. It’s this kind of thing that makes you wonder what you’ve stepped into, right? Let’s begin.
The story starts off innocently enough. Kailyn is interrogating a man in the typical single light bulb, one chair room.
“You know what I hate more than you being a sniveling piece of trash?”
“Please,” the man whimpered as he attempted to rear back, away from the hand that had grabbed a handful of his short graying hair.
“I hate you being a lying sniveling piece of trash,” she said angrily.
We see this a lot throughout the book. Angrily. Sadly. Excitedly. Adverbs, which 98% of writing resources say are a bad thing, happen to be the skeleton and muscle of the book. At first I didn’t mind this… then emotions became a memory and everything was lazily explained by adverbs. So after our TV drama interrogation, the book introduces us to Nicole who’s preparing the bookshop (that we don’t learn the name of until much later) for Christmas.
“Don’t you think this place is a little too small to have all those fancy titles attached? I mean there are only eight employees total. Why on earth do we need to stick a label on everyone?” I argued ready to launch into my usual rant about the subject.
“As usual.” I love this. We don’t even know the character. She’s said nothing until now about this subject. “As usual.” How cute.
I groaned in frustration and yanked the string of ornaments from the tape attached to the wall but the unnecessary force caused me to lose my balance and I came crashing to the floor with the string still in my hand.
And so the “plot” begins. Nicole falls from the ladder, hurts her wrist, and Kailyn materializes from thin air to pull an Edward Cullen. Kailyn immediately takes her to a doctor, which Nicole protests because “I don’t know you, who are you, where are we going?” But Kailyn insists, because who cares if you’re making someone else uncomfortable, right?
While Nicole is forced to change into a hospital gown, Kailyn hops on the phone with someone–a poorly written doctor’s visit ensues, then Kailyn continues her Edward Cullen impersonation by taking Nicole to lunch.
It felt like I had known her all my life but then she would say something or there was a flicker in her eyes that reminded me I didn’t really know her at all.
Someone put this novel out of it’s misery. You’ve known each other for maybe two hours!! The next chapter opens with Kailyn’s conversation. Apparently she was talking to her father about some shady business (oooo! A plot!) and part of the conversation includes this:
There aren’t too many places with tunnels not being used when you live somewhere as cold as Canada so don’t worry they were an open book and just to be sure I took the supervisor with me to see Ed.
To quote my Kindle note: "What is this even trying to say?" But don’t worry–there’s plenty more like this! I lost count of how many sentences confused the actual heck out of me. This one is particularly my favorite:
The bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded but I figured Jessica could handle it as I dialed Andrew’s home number.
The bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded. The bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded. Just… let’s allow that one to sink in. The bell chimes. To signal the door. Opening sounded. Pure poetry, my friends. I’m getting that tattooed.
So the next day, Nicole tries to contact Andrew (the manager or whatever who’s been missing, who we know was interrogated by Kailyn) when suddenly the bell chimes to signal the door opening sounded, and here comes the FBI! Agent Crossfield has a few questions for Nicole, who answers them with giggles and grins. But wait!
If the FBI is involved, something horrible must have happened! Nicole “pleads” with the agent to know what happens–AND HE TELLS HER. Seriously, dude? Pretty sure you just told her in the previous sentence that it’s confidential! So why do you tell her after “Please, he is a friend not just an employer”?? Because I’m pretty sure that’s grounds to get you fired.
Anyway, they close the shop and Nicole goes home and calls Kailyn who apologizes that she can’t hang because she’s busy. Nicole takes this like a slap in the face and considers “calling one of my friends or even Jessica” (I guess acting like friends at work isn’t enough to be friends with Nicole) but instead just curls up on the couch and falls asleep. We then join Kailyn in the middle of a clean up job. Two more “What is this trying to tell me” sentences happen here, as well.
“Remember though they don’t need to have it in hand to park up right outside and wait so make sure the garage is as clean as here is going to be in about five minutes.”
Standing on her tip toes she carefully put the loose tile on her toes, keeping them straight so it wouldn’t fall off, and pulled herself into the small opening just as the lights started to go on and the sound of a multitude of law enforcement swarmed the small store more than likely heading for the office.
How do you stand on your tiptoes but place something on your toes? Like, how does that physically happen? Despite the bland drama, Kailyn doesn’t get caught. She’s so sneaky and perfect, she makes her way out of the building and watches police storm the area. But she has more important things to do. Such as cuddling with Nicole–which she proceeds to do and Nicole waxes about how it’s “right” and “wishing she could hold me all night” and how “comfortable” she is. Alright, we get it, thanks.
The next morning the store is closed. Kailyn calls for a breakfast date. At first it’s set up that we might learn something about the characters, but it’s quickly shut down by “We lingered over breakfast until ten” and then there’s a time skip. Nicole decides to go to the store, despite being told it was closed, and finds the place ransacked by police. This is where the book takes a headlong run off the cliff we’ve so carefully balanced.
“So you expect us to believe you don’t know your own employer,” the blond agent said incredulously.
Samuels stopped behind the chair and leaned on the back of it making me shift forward slightly so it wasn’t such an invasion of my personal space.
“You know we could always charge you with obstruction if we find out your lying,” he said maliciously into my ear.
I tried to swing around so I could actually see his face but that only made it worse.
“How’d you like to write to Santa from a jail cell this year?” the blond agent grinned as I whipped around to look at him in shock.
“That letter would probably say something like; dear Santa, please make big Martha and friends leave me alone,” Samuels whispered in my ear.
I guess Catrina Wolfe has never watched police dramas or read police novels. Maybe I should have stopped taking the book seriously a long time ago, but this is where I about laughed my head straight off my shoulders. The police have no reason to interrogate her. If anything, they would put her in an office or cubicle and ask her random questions. They wouldn’t get in her face in a tiny “freezing interrogation room” where there’s “no table like on TV” (so maybe she has watched some!) and only one chair. Are we using the same image as the beginning of the book, the single chair and light bulb in a cold small room? Okay. Sure. That’s great. Very imaginative.
After a bit more chest pounding, a woman struts into the room and announces she’s a lawyer and sweeps Nicole away. The lawyer takes Nicole to Kailyn, who waits outside the station, there’s a small conversation and Nicole proves she has ears by telling us “I didn’t turn around but I knew when [the lawyer] walked away.” Great job! You heard her walking away! God, that whole scene was so unnecessary. Nicole confronts Kailyn with the information police told her. Killing Andrew, mostly. Kailyn pulls another Edward Cullen and this happens:
“Nicole, right this minute trust means not expecting me to answer that.”
“That’s like saying that I should trust you and you don’t have to trust me,” I pointed out.
“This right here is why I’m always single,” she said angrily.
“Because you have trust issues?” I said snarkily.
“Because you want to know the answers to all your questions before you can trust me. What happens if you don’t like what you hear?” she fired back.
Maybe it’s just me, but the last line is just so idiotic. “Because you want to know the answers to all your questions before you can trust me.” SHE WAS TOLD YOU KILLED SOMEONE. SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CAN’T TRUST YOU RIGHT NOW. SHE JUST WANTS TO KNOW–DID YOU KILL HIM OR NOT? But instead of answering, Kailyn insists she has things to do and tells Nicole (who’s desperate to believe they’re in a relationship already) “You want more than I can give and you want it the one time I can’t risk it. I can’t risk being wrong this time there’s too much on the line,” [she said regretfully.]
I’m a believer of punctuation. This scene was supposed to be the tipping point, the conflict, the part where we start to sympathize with Nicole. Instead I just scratched my head and said, “Why is this a run on?” So Kailyn runs away to do some stuff. I don’t even know at this point because it’s full of sentences like:
Caleb was a loose cannon but she risked her uncle’s wrath by touching him and her father loved him like a son.
Kaylin moved to the front door silently out of the corner she could see Greg draw his gun and reach into a catch in the light switch to retrieve hers. Ensuring she wasn’t standing in front of the door where the shadow of her footsteps could be seen outside she looked through the peephole.
Then they’re on the run and Nicole’s involved because Caleb (I guess he’s the reason this whole thing is happening; it’s not really mentioned) knows Kailyn is seeing her. So Kailyn rushes to her side and finds her hiding under a car in the parking garage. Nicole’s been there since morning (it’s sometime after midnight by the time Kailyn shows up) and is hungry, angry, and finally starting to see sense.
She had said to trust her but I had clearly almost been killed and I still had no idea why.
Alright! This is when Nicole is going to steel herself and lay into Kailyn! I can’t do this, I can’t trust you, you’ve explained absolutely nothing, I could’ve been killed, who are you, what’s this all about–so many options! And then this happens:
She had more than proved how much I meant to her today by risking her life to come get me.
REALLY? It was Kailyn’s fault in the first place! Are you telling me you forgive Kailyn for everything because, hey, at least she came to get you!!! Stop it! Shut up! But Nicole continues to believe they’re in a relationship and goes with Kailyn to a secluded cabin. Tragedy strikes:
“The flurries made it a little slippery and you’re not feeling well so I’ll carry you in okay?” [Kailyn] explained as she scooped me up into her arms and carried me the short distance to the cabin.
From my Kindle notes: "Uh huh. This is bull. Now I know this was either inspired by some hetero romance or she started writing hetero then changed it to be edgy." Tragedy. Okay, I know, I’m being picky but let’s be honest. How many times in lesbian fiction do you see one woman carrying another? Think about it. Now how many times in any other genre do you see a man carrying a woman? What about gay fiction? Man carrying man. I don’t know, guys, this part bothered me. It’s just so… awkward. Out of place. It’s just not… lesbian fiction.
Some boring things happen after this. I’m still not sure what the plot is at this point. But Kaylin promises her uncle that “This will be avenged” and it’s so corny and I’ve completely checked out. But finally Kailyn admits some of the truth.
“Nic, I beat the crap out of [Andrew] and I made sure not to leave any bruises.”
Personally, I’d like to know how she beat the crap out of someone and not leave bruises. Is that physically possible? I don’t think so. Try again, Wolfe.
Afterwards, there’s supposedly a touching scene between Kailyn and Nicole… and that’s it. We get a “two weeks later” recap and… nothing. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing happened in this 99 cent ebook. There’s nothing that resembles plot unless you consider the running bad punctuation and flat characters the plot. I thought it was interesting how they couldn’t express emotions besides “angrily.” There were no clenched fists or crossed arms, even. An emotionless world would make a good plot for Wolfe. Oh, and for those curious, the adverb count was up to 61. That doesn’t include anything found inside of paragraphs, just dialogue tags.
So final words: This horrible thing desperately needed to see an editor. So many paragraphs, sentences, and dialogue ended with commas instead of periods.
“Yeah,” an authoritative silky voice answered.
“Kaylin?”
“Depends,” she said in a low voice that made me shiver despite the grief.
“It’s Nicole Woodsworth,”
“Oh sorry , hi” the voice went up a few notches in terms of warmth.
“I’m afraid I have some bad news. It’s Andrew,”
“Yes I heard. I was going to call you but I got a little tied up with some things,”
“I closed the shop early and called everyone already. The FBI came to the bookstore and asked a bunch of questions,”
“Did you get a name?” Kaylin interrupted.
There was no plot. There was nothing. If you stick with this book past five pages, you’ll need alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.
January 25, 2018
I wanted more out of it. Maybe it just needed to be longer.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews