3.5 stars
I've been hesitant to rate this book. Let's see if writing about it helps clearing my head.
I liked both MCs: their story is finally something original in a sea of MM books.
I found their past, their first getting together at 16 and then again, briefly, at 18 so very well written.
During their relationship, Trev and Cam were a straight boy and a straight girl, best friends since childhood, very caring and affectionate towards each other. Their paths to self acceptance, though, were different and by the time they finally understood what they really were, they were not together anymore.
Ten years later, they have the chance to reconnect as their authentic selves, a cis gay man and a trans gay man. Both of them carry the scars of past relationships that left them broken, hurt and unsure, but they found in each other the strength to heal.
What didn't work for me:
until 40% of the book, the two of them repeat to themselves over and over than they missed each other, that they love to be friends again and that, this time, they won't lose one another.
But as soon as they got (romantically) together, the miscommunication arises.
None of them is ready to define what they are. This would be understandable for the first weeks, but then months pass and they just don't talk about feelings or expectations.
There are two children to think of, there's their professional arrangement (employer/nanny) and the living situation to consider and they just keep eluding having meaningful conversations until the third act breakup (that comes very late in the book, around 85%).
And during their only conversation they are still not completely honest with each other and avoid saying certain things.
So, obviously, the resolution came very late too and, while the epilogue is beautiful (I loved how their lives went on), it's all said but not showed.
I really despised that both of them let the ex husband and his new boyfriend condition their lives (and their career, in Trev's case) so much for so long.
I didn't understand why Trev never talked to Bryan about how much tension his boyfriend was putting into Trev's work and how much he was disrupting their coparenting of the children.
And about the toxic relationship that Cam had with his ex: I really don't like when a person let their partner control, isolate, influence their life for years, but then when they finally stand up and set firm boundaries, they do that with the next boyfriend, the one who's actually treating them right.
Trev always protected Cam, both as his boyfriend and as his kids' nanny, but Cam just broke up with him to feel more secure in his job, instead of look for a solution that could have given him the reassurance he needed.
The physical scenes are amazing: I adored how thoughtful Trev was with Cam, all the questions he asked him to make sure he was comfortable. The last time they were intimate, Cam was still a girl, but Trev wastes no time in learning how to read his body again.
So, in the end, I'm settling for 3.5/4 stars. It was a good story, even if I didn't enjoy some parts.