He Said, She Said: Truth, Trauma and the Struggle for Justice in Family Court

by Charlotte Proudman

In the family court, traumatised women seek safety and justice, often to find only disdain and cruel insensitivity. Survivors of sexual, physical and emotional violence are called liars because they lack evidence for their claims, and deemed unreliable witnesses compared to the men who abused them. They are forced to recall the worst moments of their lives in excruciating detail, sometimes face-to-face with their violent ex, and always confronted with a lawyer who will do anything to destroy their story.

Barrister Charlotte Proudman has represented countless women in cases spanning rape, domestic abuse, child abduction, forced marriage and female genital mutilation. She has seen first-hand how the family court deepens the trauma of vulnerable women, staking their futures on the biases of individual judges and forcing them to endure the torture of a judicial process that stretches over months and sometimes years. Drawing on shocking real-life cases, in He Said, She Said Charlotte lays bare the extent of misogyny and victim-blaming that infects our justice the court's impulse to believe a man at all costs and to discredit a woman for any reason.

Genres: Feminism, Law, Audiobook, Nonfiction, True Crime, Memoir

352 pages, Hardcover

Published May 1, 2025

Reviews

[Liam McMahon · Rating 5 out of 5]

as a fellow practitioner in a similar field (albeit not even remotely to the same level) i found this compelling and unputdownable.

akin to ‘See What You Made Me Do’ and ‘Eggshell Skull’, this is right up there as an essential read for those wishing to look further into the topic.

[Victoria Catherine Shaw · Rating 4 out of 5]

He Said, She Said: Truth, Trauma and the Struggle for Justice in Family Court by barrister Charlotte Proudman is an urgent and powerful look at how the family court system in England and Wales is failing women, especially those seeking protection from abuse.

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Proudman draws from real cases she’s worked on, covering harrowing topics like domestic violence, rape, parental alienation, child abduction, and female genital mutilation. Through these case studies, she exposes the prejudice, institutional bias, and deep-rooted misogyny that continue to shape outcomes in family court.

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However, this isn’t just about her clients - it’s clearly also a deeply personal account. Proudman shares her own experiences of sexual assault by colleagues and the professional backlash she faced for speaking out against perceived injustice. What emerges is a pitcure of a system that is not only slow to evolve, but which also punishes those who dare to challenge it.

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This is not an easy read because of its subject matter, but it is an essential one. He Said, She Said is both a fierce indictment of injustice and a rallying call for reform from someone fighting within the system she seeks to change.

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[Jennifer Bridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

In *He Said, She Said*, barrister Charlotte Proudman delivers a searing indictment of the family court system, exposing its entrenched misogyny and the harrowing toll it exacts on women seeking justice. With the precision of a seasoned advocate and the urgency of a reformer, Proudman draws on her extensive experience representing survivors of rape, domestic abuse, child abduction, forced marriage, and female genital mutilation. What emerges is a chilling portrait of a judicial process that often deepens the trauma of vulnerable women, subjecting them to disdain, disbelief, and a gruelling ordeal that can stretch across years.

The book’s strength lies in its unflinching use of real-life cases, which Proudman handles with sensitivity and rigour. These stories lay bare the court’s systemic biases: women are routinely dismissed as liars for lacking concrete evidence or dismissed as unreliable witnesses, their credibility undermined in favour of the men who abused them. Forced to recount their worst moments in excruciating detail—sometimes in the presence of their abuser—survivors face barristers intent on dismantling their testimony. Proudman’s prose is both measured and impassioned, capturing the cruelty of a system that stakes women’s futures on the whims of individual judges, whose prejudices can shape life-altering outcomes.

This is not a dispassionate legal analysis but a call to arms, grounded in the lived realities of those the system fails. Proudman’s critique is sharpest when dissecting the court’s impulse to believe men at all costs, a tendency she argues is rooted in a broader culture of victim-blaming. Yet the book avoids despair, offering glimmers of hope through Proudman’s own tireless advocacy and her proposals for reform.

At times, the sheer weight of the cases risks overwhelming the reader, and some may wish for deeper exploration of systemic fixes. Nonetheless, *He Said, She Said* is a vital, enraging read—an urgent demand for a family court system that prioritises safety and justice over patriarchal inertia.

[Jennifer Bridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

In *He Said, She Said*, barrister Charlotte Proudman delivers a searing indictment of the family court system, exposing its entrenched misogyny and the harrowing toll it exacts on women seeking justice. With the precision of a seasoned advocate and the urgency of a reformer, Proudman draws on her extensive experience representing survivors of rape, domestic abuse, child abduction, forced marriage, and female genital mutilation. What emerges is a chilling portrait of a judicial process that often deepens the trauma of vulnerable women, subjecting them to disdain, disbelief, and a gruelling ordeal that can stretch across years.

The book’s strength lies in its unflinching use of real-life cases, which Proudman handles with sensitivity and rigour. These stories lay bare the court’s systemic biases: women are routinely dismissed as liars for lacking concrete evidence or dismissed as unreliable witnesses, their credibility undermined in favour of the men who abused them. Forced to recount their worst moments in excruciating detail—sometimes in the presence of their abuser—survivors face barristers intent on dismantling their testimony. Proudman’s prose is both measured and impassioned, capturing the cruelty of a system that stakes women’s futures on the whims of individual judges, whose prejudices can shape life-altering outcomes.

This is not a dispassionate legal analysis but a call to arms, grounded in the lived realities of those the system fails. Proudman’s critique is sharpest when dissecting the court’s impulse to believe men at all costs, a tendency she argues is rooted in a broader culture of victim-blaming. Yet the book avoids despair, offering glimmers of hope through Proudman’s own tireless advocacy and her proposals for reform.

At times, the sheer weight of the cases risks overwhelming the reader, and some may wish for deeper exploration of systemic fixes. Nonetheless, *He Said, She Said* is a vital, enraging read—an urgent demand for a family court system that prioritises safety and justice over patriarchal inertia.

[Emma Rosevear · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book ive read this year . Exposing the failures of the family courts when it comes to victims of domestic abuse.

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many times in my work supporting women who have been forced into the Family Court system, having fled an abusive partner, I have heard them say that their experience in that arena has been as bad, if not worse, than the abuse itself. They say that they feel that their ex has found a legal way to continue to exert power and control, they feel that they’re being abused all over again, and their children are often forced into dangerous and unwanted contact arrangements.
Dr Proudman explores with clarity and compassion a number of cases where these very issues are raised, alongside others representing other, equally damaging and inequitable ways in which women are disbelieved, discredited and all but destroyed by a system that should be protecting them (and their children), respecting them and upholding their rights.
Dr Proudman has fought not only perpetrators, but the system itself, when it sought - unsuccessfully - to control and destroy her.
Despite what I already knew, the content of ‘He Said, She Said’ is shocking, though not surprising. Disturbing though it is, it shines a light on the inadequacies and inequalities within the Family Court system, and will hopefully embolden others to campaign for change in the name of justice.

[H N · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who knows anything about domestic violence and family court will know that this book is vital, necessary and absolutely devastating. Seeing these stories laid out bare, and knowing there is rarely a happy ending and even if there is it probably took years of psychological torment to achieve, is haunting. I hope that people who haven't experienced it themselves read this book, I hope it is a wakeup call that there is rot at the heart of the British legal system which protects perpetrators far more readily than victims and survivors. I am glad the author includes her own experiences of misogyny, sexual harassment and classism, this cannot be allowed to continue and the more people who expose this the more hope there is for change.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye-opening expose of the family courts. Glad there are people like Charlotte Proudman fighting this fight.

[Louisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book that talks about the enablement of abuse in the family court system, severing strong relationships between loving parents and their children.

Much of what is included sounds very familiar. The only thing I want to clarify is that Parental Alienation can also be seen differently.

This is where an abusive parent will accuse the other parent of alienating the child. Often it said that a mother does this against a father but, in many circumstances, it’s the father who suggests the other parent is abusive and therefore alienates the child.

Parental Alienation comes into it in that the behaviours and allegations of the alienating parent (either gender) cut the child off from a loving parent. That parent supports the child to become abusive and align with the parent; the abusive parent acting like a puppeteer.

More needs to be said about this because it is an absolute hell to go through and is not well recognised, letting innocent parents and children down. Another stolen generation, valuable time can never be replaced.

[Katharina Christenson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Devastating expose of the family justice system and the way we still have to go for women’s rights in this country. Very clearly written with minimal legal jargon that makes it easier to understand for people not in the legal profession. Only critique is id say she lays out the issues with the system well, but doesn’t offer many solutions or alternatives to these issues: the trauma of victims having to testify in court is discussed repeatedly, but what is the alternative solution to this? Without those victims providing evidence on their side, their side would not get heard? If there is an appropriate and fair alternative, what is it?

All in all a great great, albeit concerning in its exposition.

[Louise Mullins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth the wait for a few extra months (originally due to be published in February, but was released in May) this title brings to light everything any parent with the unfortunate knowledge of domestic abuse and the family court has known for decades. To Dr Proudman, from every survivor in the UK we thank you!

[R · Rating 5 out of 5]

An informative read that will be very validating if you've been victimised by the court system or the patriarchy (or both) in any way. Each chapter is like a voice for each of the (countless) victims of just such a sick level of misogyny. Dr Proudman's resilience through all the abuse so she can fight for these victims is so admirable; the strength it requires.

[Lizzie Audran · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would like to give this 3.5 stars! Very informative on a topic I didn’t know much about. More of a focus on domestic abuse against mothers and their children than I had anticipated (thought it about family court more generally). A little repetive at times could have been good as an audiobook. Glad I read it. Also kudos to the author she’s such a badass

[Artie LeBlanc · Rating 3 out of 5]

An impassioned and personal discussion of disadvantages facing women in the family courts and the broader justice system, by a campaigning lawyer.

TBH I found it somewhat repetitive, and would have welcomed proposals to take these important issues forward.

[Olivia ✨ · Rating 5 out of 5]

phenomenal book. Dr Proudman is an icon, honestly an inspiration.

[Tony Wells · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too repetitive. I could not finish it for that reason. She sounds as if she were preaching or lecturing. So I could not engage.

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I mean she’s clearly very good at what she does but it didn’t read very nicely, was very ranty and preachy

[GoldieReads · Rating 4 out of 5]

well written and interesting perspective

[janet vyvyan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I admire Dr Charlotte for the dedication she shows to changing the injustices we encounter as women within the law. This book highlighted many instances with which I was abhorred. Some of the content is very technical and I found it difficult to keep reading it but it is definitely worth persevering when you get to the end. Thank goodness for people like Dr Charlotte.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written, from a “feminist “ perspective. The author’s anger against the biases in the family court system comes across clearly. Change obviously needs to happen more quickly to help protect all the families the system lets down.

[Joanne Clifford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read! Can be triggering but she shows the reality of the Family Court and those who have to navigate the predominant patriarchy