Disenchanted

Land of Dis #1

by Robert Kroese, Phil Gigante (Narrator)

King Boric the Implacable knows death comes to all great warriors. He just didn't expect it to be so damn fickle. Felled by an assassin's blade, he should be spending eternity carousing in the Hall of Avandoor. Instead, his spirit is bound to his decaying body by the enchanted sword of Brakslaagt. And unless he can hunt down the mysterious Lord Brand, who gave him the weapon so long ago, he is cursed to wander the earth forever as an undead wraith. So begins Boric's extraordinary journey across the Six Kingdoms of Dis as a walking corpse who wants nothing more than to be disenchanted and left in peace. His is not an easy quest: along the way he is burned, riddled with arrows, and nearly blown to bits. But when he finally comes face-to-face with Lord Brand, Boric will discover that nothing - in life, in death, or in between - is exactly what it seems.

Genres: Fantasy, Humor, Fiction, Audiobook, Comedy, Adventure, Ebooks

Audiobook

First published November 6, 2012

About the author

Robert Kroese's sense of irony was honed growing up in Grand Rapids, Michigan - home of the Amway Corporation and the Gerald R. Ford Museum, and the first city in the United States to fluoridate its water supply. In second grade, he wrote his first novel, the saga of Captain Bill and his spaceship Thee Eagle. This turned out to be the high point of his academic career. After barely graduating from Calvin College in 1992 with a philosophy degree, he was fired from a variety of jobs before moving to California, where he stumbled into software development. As this job required neither punctuality nor a sense of direction, he excelled at it. In 2009, he called upon his extensive knowledge of useless information and love of explosions to write his first novel, Mercury Falls. Since then, he has written 18 more books.

Reviews

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

Disenchanted by Robert Kroese is a blast of a fantasy romp. I am a huge fan of Kroese and absolutely adore his Mercury series and Schrödinger's Gat blends all of my favorite genres. This book is straight out of the Terry Pratchett camp of writing. It is a satire first and foremost and a fantasy second. This is a fun book that is filled with adventure, wise cracking, killing, and more. Like all Pratchett novels, Kroese utilizes footnotes all through this story that add additional wit and humor and a bit of backstory as well.

This is a fun story about a King that loved to kill, and was quite good at it, being killed and then finding himself stuck as a ghost, unable to seek out his rewards in the afterlife. His adventures only begin when he finds himself outside his dead body. Humor, witty dialogue, and plenty of killing follow. Awesome stuff.

Disenchanted is the perfect summer read as it is light, fast paced, funny, and easily able to be finished in a weekend. I love the humorous side to Kroese and can easily give this book and hopefully series my highest recommendations to all my friends. I am a huge fan of his and hope that you pick up a book or two of his.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disenchanted
(Land of Dis #1)
by Robert Kroese
If you have Amazon Unlimited you can borrow this book and the Audible book at the same time! I enjoyed the fun fantasy middle age type quest. Lots of twists and humor. The names Boric and Brand are too close in sound and I felt the names should have been different. I wasn't as thrilled with this as I was with this author's other series.
The narration is okay.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

In all honesty, this should probably get 3.5 stars if I could. Disenchanted is a very entertaining read. Two things, however, stick with me that reduced its rating. The first is that the language is not consistently farcical. I was laughing out loud in the beginning chapters but the tone mellowed as it became more of a narrative. It's almost as if the author wasn't sure whether to be more funny or more serious. Second, while the story is fun, it is also transient. Once I put it down, I don't think about it or ponder its nuances again (or ever, really) until I picked it up again to continue reading. Not that every book has to do that, and maybe it's just the nature of a kindle serial, but it struck me as interesting. One the positive side, I enjoyed all the plot twists that managed to completely change the perspectives not only of the reader but also Boric, the main character. The one thing that felt slightly out of context was the ending, specificially how the curse is broken only by a mental acceptance that killing and death are not the only honorable accomplishments one can have in life. It seemed out of character for the book--almost too moral in a book about an implacable undead wraith traversing lands, riding wyndbahrs, and interacting with dwarves, elves, and goblins to break the curse of his sword.

[Brent · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many people attempt genre humor but not many people succeed. This book is in a similar vein as Terry Pratchett's Discworld series with the same ability to make you laugh out loud and at the same time be genuinely concerned for the characters.

Not even Douglas Adams could pull this off in his Hitchhiker Guide series, which to me alternates between hysterical passages and heartfelt desires to see Arthur Dent come to a quick and unpleasant end.

[Sunny Lu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Silly silly boyz

[Gary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm afraid I found this book to be uninspiring and somewhat lacklustre. I was hoping for a sword and sorcery outing that would be amusing but well written in terms of characters and plot but this one fell short in all departments. I suppose it was just too thin on humour and quality in comparison to many of the books I've read in this genre. Not recommended.

[Lukas Lovas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very strong begining, and sometimes flashes of that funny and humorous aspect throughout the book. However, it grew (or tried to grow) a bit too serious, and that didn't suit it. The only thing that saved it is the fact it was short and it ended before I had time to grow bored. All in all...not bad. The world was interesting, the humor was totally worth it...I had a good laugh...not bad :)

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fun fantasy novel which follows former King Boric after this death in the land of Dis. He's ready to go to the afterlife but thanks to an enchanted sword he becomes a wraith. The book then alternates between telling how Boric became king and his journey across Dis to try and break the curse, meeting various mythical races along the way.

My biggest issue with it is the fact the tone changes dramatically after about a quarter of the way through. The first quarter is hilarious and full of jokes and witty lines whilst the remaining three quarters, whilst having the odd fun chapter, largely take on more a serious tone. Whilst both bits work, there is an obvious difference between the two bits and it feels a bit odd.

Still, this was very enjoyable. There are some hilarious jokes, some silly fantasy ideas and also some genuinely good and original ones. There's kings and magical swords and ogre and elves and dwarves and dragons and pretty much everything else you would expect from a book like this. It's not as good as the work of Terry Pratchett but it is good fun.

[Courtney Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a silly story of King Boric who dies in a silly accident. Instead of ascending to Avendoor as he believes is his right, he finds his spirit stuck to his physical corpse by his sword, presumed to be cursed. After a nasty crash to the ground from the top of the tower, he is able to reinhabit his body, albeit in the form of a rotting, stinking, undead wraith. Disenchanted is his story of trying to get to Avendoor by visiting the Witch of Twyllic, retelling the story of how he killed the Ogre of Chathain, visiting threfelings (related to halflings, they are three-fifths the height of humans), elves, and dwarves. Eventually Boric finds out that his perception of the wraith situation has been wrong this entire time, and he sets off to right his wrongs. And also kill some stuff.

This book is funny, witty, and well-written. Robert Kroese is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors and I can't wait to read another book by him.

[Matt Hull · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started off very funny then the comedy died down quite a bit. Over all I enjoyed the book. I just wish there was more comedy throughout rather than just in the first 1/4 of the book.

[Tom Loock · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've read – and enjoyed – a couple of Robert Kroese's Mercury novels, so this was an easy choice. It's by no means a great book, but it isn't bad:

On the PLUS-side, it is at times very funny (though pretty much only at the beginning), plays with some old established clichés, finds new aspects and both the characters and the story line are good.

On the MINUS-side, the change of tone after the first part is weird and does not do Disenchanted good at all. My guess would be that the author realised he could not carry the humour with the story line he was following. Furthermore, the alternating story lines (past and present) do not work for me. At times, it takes a page or so to figure which one it is and linear storytelling would have been better. Finally, I'm not sure about the ratio between contents and length, it certainly does not feel right.

I like Kroese's writing though and will read more of his books.

Maybe, just maybe my review is influenced by the fact that I read this during an unpleasant hospital stay ...

[Timothy Ward · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and light hearted fantasy that reminds me of the joy of when I first started reading fantasy, but told in a way that laughs at itself. Short review on this one since it's been awhile and want to get something in. I enjoyed this, and find Kroese a very talented author who can weave humor in with a strong plot. There was a section around 60% where I didn't feel compelled to finish, though. I did finish and liked the presentation enough to pick up the second book, but that's my reason for 4 stars instead of 5. It is still a very good book, there was just a little lull before the climax. The audiobook is done well, so I recommend that version if you like. The second book is better, and really his blend of humorous fantasy is unique and worthwhile.

[Jolene · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF at 25%

The writing and story are entertaining enough, but the book is a poor man's Discworld IMHO. If I had read this before discovering Terry Pratchett, I could see myself giving it 4 stars. I could see fans of humorous fantasy who haven't already read anything by Pratchett or Holt really enjoying this.

[Tiara · Rating 4 out of 5]

More reviews @ the Bibliosanctum

TL;DR Review:



Badass.

Long Review:


This is how Boric’s story begins:

By all accounts, Boric the Implacable was, while he was alive, an incomparable badass. By all accounts, he was an even bigger badass after he died.

For most people, death marks the end of one career, whether that career is baking bread, blowing glass, or–as in Boric’s case–hacking other people to pieces with a sword. But for Boric, death was just another bullet point on his already impressive ass-kicking resume.

Whether death improved Boric overall is a matter of some debate, but there’s little question that it enhanced him professionally. In addition to his already impressive catalog of badassery, death granted him invulnerability…

So, basically, this image represents everything about Boric the Implacable, and you’re not allowed to think otherwise. Ever. Because Boric is a badass with such a high degree of badassery in his blood that you’d lose this battle to his badassdom, and thus, be added to his list of badass achievements. Badass.

Boric was the king of a middling kingdom called Ytrisk before death happened to Ser Badass. After a “misunderstanding” with the nearby kingdom of Skaal coupled with Ytrisk’s willingness to prove their “not-shit-taking-ness,” Ytrisk went to war with Skaal and Boric meets with an unfortunate fate, but not before proving his supreme badassness.

Usually upon the death of a badass who has proven himself, there’s a new achievement unlocked.



ternal badassdom includes getting to go to the Valhalla-esque realm of Avandoor. Boric is more than ready to take his place. A beautiful Eytrith on a great Wyndbahr (a great white winged bear) arrives to give him his final and ultimate achievement. Unfortunately for Boric, he can’t let go of his sword, Brakslaagt. It was designed by the elves, forged by the dwarves, and blessed by the Gnomes (but for all intent purposes, that last part doesn’t matter; Gnomes just like to bless things…) Neither Boric’s spirit or his now dead body will let go of his badass sword. After much debate about why this would be, the Eytrith offers a thought:

“It’s stuck!” he cried to the Eytrith. “I can’t get my hand off the sword!”

“Well, thou canst take it with thee,” announced the Eytrith. “Perhaps,” she added after a moment, “the sword is cursed?”

“Oh,” said Boric, remembering something that he had very nearly succeeded in forgetting over the past twenty years. “Oh, shit.”

The Eytrith tasks Boric with finding a way to end his curse, so that he can join the other badasses in Avandoor with a time limit of seven days and a “Good luck!” And oh, did I mention that being a walking corpse meant that Boric also was fighting time against becoming a wraith, and everybody hates wraiths. Thus begins Boric’s quest.

Kindle recommended this book to me because I’d recently read and enjoyed The Palace Job by Patrick Weekes. I knew this book started life as a serial and had seen things about it here and there. However, it never struck me as a book I wanted to read. To be honest, The Palace Job didn’t really lure me to it either. I liked the idea of it, but it wasn’t something that I felt that I immediately needed to read. I really started it to give Patrick Weekes another a chance since I didn’t hate The Masked Empire, but I didn’t love it either. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to read at the time, so I just went ahead with The Palace Job. However, since I did love The Palace Job, I was very open to reading this book if it Kindle thought I might enjoy it for the same reasons.

While the humor in this was similar to The Palace Job, even though I am a new Pratchett reader, it reminded me more of a being in line with Pratchett’s humor with a bit more crudeness. This book makes use of the humorous footnotes that Discworld uses, as well. However, it definitely can make its reader chortle in the same way The Palace Job does. The Palace Job‘s humor comes more from its big cast and their strange adventure while Disenchanted‘s humor comes mostly from Boric himself, who has to be one of the funniest male protagonists I’ve encountered in a while, and his strange quest. In fact, I joked he could’ve been part of Loch’s crew in The Palace Job just fine. In fact, he’d probably be the one that Loch (from The Palace Job) yelled at for being overzealous:



Boric as a protagonist isn’t humble at all. He’s a badass and he knows it. He’ll let you know it, too, along with a happy threat to run you through if you don’t believe it. However, he can respect others for their strengths, and it doesn’t have to just be warrior strength. He appreciates things like smarts and ingenuity in people. He thinks the elves are assholes (yeah, his actual words, and brofistthey kind of are), but he thinks they design some fantastic items. I feel like he’d hang out with with other badasses like Balinor Buckhannah and be superbros. Boric is also clever and very strategic, but there’s a certain level of denseness he also possess that makes some people just tell him, “Never mind.” Also, he does have a sense of honor and compassion, even if sometimes that ego gets in the way.

I liked Boric, even when he was being an asshole. Most of the characters in this book are assholes in their own way. Each race presented has their strengths and weaknesses and their own ideologies about each other. Instead of being annoying, it’s really quite funny because just as I mentioned Boric can appreciate aspects in many, the same goes for other races. Elves think humans are ridiculous, but they can appreciate how enterprising humans are. Most seem to be helpful toward one another despite what they dislike about one another, which may feel a little unrealistic for some.

Another thing I liked about this book was, just as with The Palace Job, it poked fun at many fantasy tropes without being pretentious or feeling the need to pound it into my head that he was making a funny there. I appreciate writers who don’t insult their readers’ intelligence, and I seem to start seeing more of that kind of thing. I don’t know if it’s just a need to overexplain or point out how brilliant and clever they are as writers, but I appreciate when writers just let the story go. (I will say I see this less in speculative fiction than some other genres.)

I know I’ve done a lot of comparison between this book and The Palace Job, but I want to talk about where it definitely differs. There’s a moral to the story here, presented in a funny way. I won’t ruin that for you because that’s one of the biggest parts of this book. The stuff I’ve mentioned is known, but this story went in ways that I didn’t expect and had many philosophical, meta moments, as well, without sacrificing the humor. In fact, much of what ends up happening is probably the opposite of how you’d expect a book about a badass to go.

Now, the story did tie up a little too neatly and perhaps some solutions were a little too ethically upstanding in that everything seemed to have this ethical, “EVERYTHING CAN BE GOOD!” reason, but Kroese was able to go back and show that while you certainly can come up with many solutions to all problems, there are still some ethical concerns that will come up. And again, while the ending was a little neater than I expected, I did like Kroese managed to make everything come together in the end. Some things that seem inconsequential aren’t by the end of the story.

This was a great book that had a little bit of Pratchett’s humor and even some Tolkien-esque adventure vibes (I know you can’t believe I’m saying that) combined with an idiosyncratic story. If you liked The Palace Job for its humor, you’ll probably enjoy this.

If I hadn’t been so encumbered with work and finished this when I wanted, maybe I would’ve found out in enough time about the Kickstarter that ended not too long ago for sequels for this book!

EDIT:

I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE NARRATION IN MY INITIAL REVIEW, AND THAT WAS THE BEST PART! I definitely recommend the audiobook. I had the Kindle version of the book for Whispersync, but I didn’t even use it other than to look at how names were spelled. This is my first time listening to a book by Phil Gigante and his narration was amazing. I’m finding that I enjoy LISTENING to comedic books more than reading them because of comedic timing, inflections on phrases and words, etc. Things like that can be easy to NOT get in an actual book. Narration of a funny book makes all the difference in how I perceive much of what’s written. So, I highly recommend listening to it!

[Jason Erdmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

A charming tale of a warrior-king that suffers a curse, only to find out that there is much more going on behind the scenes than he first realizes. The story jumps between two timelines, both from his perspective.

The writing is honestly just great fun throughout. There are endless laugh-out-loud moments, both in terms of wordplay and just absurd scenarios. The latter emerge so organically that when the joke lands, you almost have to set the book aside for a minute and really soak in how cleverly designed it is.

Despite the comedic undertones, the tale builds up to a world-shaking crescendo that is rich and believable. It all resolves in a very satisfying way.

If you're up for a Monty-Python-esque fantasy romp, you'll certainly find it here!

[Michelle’s Book Quest · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s really a 3.5. Disenchanted feels like hints of Princess Bride, Canterbury Tales, and Monty Python. I enjoyed the writing for sure; but sometimes, it was a lot of journey for me. Fast Fantasy read, don’t know if I would recommend it to my friends. Read with the audiobook. I loved the narrator!!!

[Huw Evans · Rating 4 out of 5]

King Boric rules his kingdom with as much wisdom as he could inherit until the desire to wear a warm coat that doesn't itch takes him to war with his neighbours and his death by a stab in the back from a well paid assassin. At this point his afterlife becomes complicated; his corpse being unwilling to relinquish his sword condemns his spirit to become a wraith. He is moderately pissed off and determines to use all his wraithly energies to to find out who has cursed him and to get it undone. The fact that sunlight causes him post mortem pain gives him plenty of time to relive his past as he lurks under a tree or in a cave. To discuss the plot any further would introduce spoilers that would detract from the enjoyment of the book.

It is obvious from the plot that Kroese is well read within the realm of fantasy; there are references throughout the book to many writers (spot'em if you can) but he manages to stay on the hommage side of the fence rather than pastiche. The humour varies from the subtle to the strained and is often funnier in the situation than the dialogue, possibly because there is a surreal edge to the storyline. There are elements of forgiveness, love, redemption and the obligatory twist at the end gives a genuine interest to the story.

The pacing to the story is swift. If there is one fault it is that the Boric foregoes the suspicions that have kept him on the throne for many years and takes all the information he gleans at face value. For the stories sake this is is just as well, but a little corroboration of the details he is given would have added an extra level and an extra star.

I have never read anything by Robert Krause before. I look forward to reading more. If you enjoy Pratchett, Holt, Adams, Rankin and Gaimnan then here is a less mature, but equally enjoyable, addition to the ranks

[Francis S. Poesy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a big fan of fantasy novels mostly because they end up seeming like anemic imitations of the greats like LOTR and TCON but that did not stop me from picking this book up in its serialized Kindle book form. For one because I enjoy Kroese's writing and for two I knew it was to be a send-up of fantasy novels. Now I must admit that judging from Kroese's other works I totally expected to like this book. And while I was not disappointed I must say I was also impressed which I'm not so sure I was expecting. Kroese pack-jammed his story with all the requisite beasts and man-like species expected in such stories while still making it coalesce into a 'believable' narrative within his created world. And rather than using his humor to make me disdain such books even the more, I ended up thinking maybe I've given the serious versions of such stories short shrift and maybe I should give them a second chance. So am I saying that Disenchanted (Dis Enchanted?) is Rob Kroese's twisted love letter to the genre? Hmm...maybe.

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably more 2.5*, but I'm being nice and rounding up.

This was a very easy story to read, more so in the later chapters where there were fewer punchlines hitting you around the head. This book started out as a 'comedy', though for me it was trying far too hard and it seemed like that was a joke or punchline every couple of sentences. Though reminiscent of Terry Pratchett in terms of style the result was a bit of a mess really, in my mind at least. As we got further into the book (serialised, originally released in six fortnightly episodes) the humour was brought to heel a little, and the story itself was allowed to come through more. And it was a pretty good story, with a twist that I didn't see coming at all. The characters had some depth to them which allowed them to grow, and grow they did.

An entertaining enough read, but maybe in need of some cleaning up and evening out.

[Ambs ❤❤ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This wasn't a bad story. Although, it didn't really grab my attention until about halfway through. The storyline was interesting with a moral or life lesson at the end. There were dragons, ogres, elves, witches, goblins, undead, etc. At about 80% through, revelations and truths started falling like bombshells, and I felt just as confused as the main character probably did while trying to piece everything together. In the end, it actually made sense and everything was wrapped up nice and tight.

My real only complaint were some of the names. The first King (father) and his three sons, including the MC and second King, all had rhyming names. In the beginning I was getting them mixed up quite often as I listened through audiobook. Other than that, not bad Robert Kroese, not bad.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't like not finishing books, as evidenced by the lack of titles in my "couldn't finish" shelf. This sounded so interesting. Maybe someday I'll come back to it. But probably not. I made it 41% through before I stopped. The first few chapters were entertaining - comical writing, interesting plot line, creative names - but then something changed. It started trying too hard to be funny. The dialog became stiffer and forced, the characters and certain objects became too Tolkien-ish (strong rope made by elves, threfelings = hobbits, etc.), the alternating chapters (between the past & present) drove me crazy, and the writing style changed. It felt like the author thought he had so many witty ways to say something that saying it once just wasn't sufficient (e.g. it took three full sentences to tell us that ogres are good at smashing things).

[Medeia Sharif · Rating 5 out of 5]

King Boric has been killed by a traitor, but at least he can look forward to the afterlife, Avandoor. When an Eytrith, a beautiful woman atop a creature, tries to take him there he’s unable to go with her. His soul’s hand is stuck to his bodily hand, the two joined together by an enchanted sword. His soul snaps back into his body and he’s a wraith, the walking dead. Boric must find the person who gave him the sword. He travels across the six kingdoms of Dis, looking for this man so that the spell can be broken, and it's not an easy journey considering that his flesh is rotting. Along with a zany cast of human and non-human characters, the author reveals layers of royal and wartime intrigue. I can't recall reading any other book quite like this. This was a fun, medieval fantasy novel.

[Bookwyrm Speaks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is easily my favorite comic fantasy book ever. The combination of fantastical situations, funny takes on fantasy tropes, and really snarky, snappy dialogue had me laughing from beginning to end. I have both read it and listened to the audio version, which is narrated by the great Phil Gigante. Either version is well worth your money. I would love to see this made into a movie. The main character, Borric the implacable, is begging to be a big screen character. Maybe played by Gerard Butler. Just a thought. Anyway, run out and get this. Any fans of Simon Green, Douglas Adams or Monte Python will like this book.

[Katherine R · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny concept and largely amusing execution but I constantly got confused about the sequence of events as there didn't seem to be a smooth transition between the events of the past vs the present. This led to me wondering how he can have so many adventures with people who age twenty years, marry and be a king all while a being keeps coming back to check on him every week to see if he can get out of his bondage as a wraith. Just not smooth transitions. The other problem I had with him was his complete lack of likability as a character. Hard to finish this one but I got close enough I had to see it through.

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clever at times, always entertaining.

This is a good time-killer novel. I'm not really sure I see the satire in it. It seems it would be better to just say this is a light comedy novel that pokes a bit of fun at high fantasy worlds in general.

I do not regret reading this, as I said, it is a good time-killer, or maybe pallet cleanser.

I recommend this book to anyone that feels like reading, but doesn't want anything too serious.

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh come on, Rob. One reads a story like this to laugh. This started out hilarious and had some serious potential, but it fizzled out in dry narrative about trekking through forests and riding in elevators. Kroese is funny, but you have to be funny and a good storyteller to be Douglas Adams. Sorry.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I may rate this lower, if I had read the book. Also, if I expected a lot more. What I expected was brain candy. That's what this is. With a good a to Monty Python, and the many great fantasy works. The audiobook was incredibly well done, and I think that's why I found it more entertaining than expected.

[Foodleech · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, interesting little book. This book had all the good fantasy staples. It had, dragons, wraiths, elves, dwarfs all the magic a good fantasy book needs. This book never took its self to serious and that gave it its own little charm. If you want a fun little read, then i would recommend this book for you.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Kroese's mythical comic fantasy so reminiscent of Pratchett I expected to learn the world was flat and carried by elephants and a turtle through the cosmos, King Boric receives a special sword from Lord Brand, and when he's killed by an assassin it prevents him from leaving his mortal coil. Very funny and entertaining, hope it's the start of a series.

[Ryan Thompson · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was funny at the beginning, but that didn't carry through the story. The story was not strong enough to stand on it's own as a novel. If a lot of the middle was cut out somehow it might make a good short story for something like the Drabblecast.