👍Book 1- 5 stars**Book 2- 4 stars**Duet-4.5 stars👍
**Read for the 2019 Dark Erotica A to Z Challenge**
Book 1 was probably one of the best dark books I’ve ever read in my life. And also one of the darkest. This is not a normal love story. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
”I want to see you gaping open like that,” he whispered. “I want to see how pretty you are on the inside.”
Book 2 was still very good, but it didn’t quite live up to book 1. Then again, how could it? You can’t improve upon perfection.
This is how it should be. We don't need anything else or anyone else. Just each other.”
Elliot is obsessed with Joan from the moment he lays eyes on her. He does very bad things to her, all because he wants to own her. In his eyes, there is no choice for either of them. The first book is pretty much a cat and mouse game where Joan tries to outsmart Elliot. Sometimes she does, but usually, her blinding hatred makes her slip up. She doesn’t realize right away that hatred is still obsession, so it isn’t long before both of their lives revolve around each other. And how do you move on from that? How do you remove someone from your thoughts when they have been at the forefront for so long? For Joan, well, she can’t. I wouldn’t say that I didn’t blame her for that, but I will say that I understood it. Elliot is single-minded in his obsession with her. Joan is-and always will be- the priority in his life. The only time he is consistent is with anything involving Joan. How can any average guy in his twenties compete with that? And even if he could, can Joan even feel “normal” affection and love for another person after she’s spent her formative years feeling an intense mixture of hatred and fear that culminates in obsession?
I wondered if I would ever stop feeling so empty. I wondered if I would ever have real, deep feelings again. I wondered if I'd ever be truly present in my life again, or would I always be somewhere else, searching for something that I'd once had and lost.
Basically, Elliot created the person Joan became. Maybe it was her way of surviving the horrors he put her through. Or, maybe she never really had a choice at all. Maybe Elliot knew exactly what he was doing. Regardless, neither were fit for any other human’s consumption. Elliot is a morally reprehensible, deprived, violent person. Joan is a strange mixture of weak and strong, the type of person that has been a chameleon for so long that she doesn’t know who she really is. That started before Elliot, but before long she decided he was the only one who knew the real Joan. In my eyes, she chose to be that person, but I did understand why she made that choice. I could see why she interpreted his obsession as unconditional love. Because whether or not it was really love, there’s no doubt it was unconditional.
He was the night crawler, the criminal, the hulking dangerous looking one that people avoided on the street. But he was also mine.
Like I said, the first book is better, but it’s also one of the best books I’ve ever read. The second is still quite good. I liked that it didn’t allow Joan and Elliot to ride off into the sunset together. Not only would that be unrealistic, but they also didn’t deserve it. I also liked that while Elliot evolved in that he tried harder, he didn’t just miraculously change overnight. They both made a lot of mistakes, it was just that Elliot’s mistakes were a lot more destructive. The first time they met, Joan acted as any self-preserving individual would. After that, her choices always led Elliot back to her (or her back to Elliot). Their journey was violent and disturbing. I couldn’t look away. The sex isn’t just intense, at times it’s violent, dangerous, and disturbing. That’s why their story is so unique- there’s no sympathy to be had here. They’re chaos together, but apart they’re even worse. They’d burn down the world to get to each other.
Love is strange when it comes to him and me. Undefinable and always on the verge of collapsing in on itself, but never going away. It always lingers under the surface, even if there's a build-up of layers of dark hatred on top.
Elliot’s trained me so well. It’s sick and disgusting and perverted, this relationship I’ve found myself in. But it’s home.