What do you think?
Rate this book
May I Exist? Pending Review
By Asium Hesidros & Erika Kukkar
May I Exist? Pending Review is a dystopian elegy for a society strangled by aristocratic control and bureaucratic obedience.
In a state governed by an aristocratic council of oligarchs, power is a birthright, and life is a ledger. The elite rule from above, unquestioned and untouched, while the working class toils in silence below, stripped of private property and personal freedom. Here, permission replaces autonomy. Every act, from taking a tram to boiling water is taxed in Credits, the regime’s unforgiving currency. Existence itself is a transaction.
The system runs on bureaucracy so intricate it chokes. Housing is privately owned by corporate landlords contracted by the state. Wristbands blink orders, and penalties are posed.
May I Exist? Pending Review is a haunting portrait of a society ruled by aristocratic democracy and totalitarian bureaucracy, a story not just of class descent, but of the silent war between endurance and falling prey.
May I Exist? Pending Review is a dystopian elegy for a society strangled by aristocratic control and bureaucratic obedience.
In a state governed by an aristocratic council of oligarchs, power is a birthright, and life is a ledger. The elite rule from above, unquestioned and untouched, while the working class toils in silence below, stripped of private property and personal freedom. Here, permission replaces autonomy. Every act, from taking a tram to boiling water is taxed in Credits, the regime’s unforgiving currency. Existence itself is a transaction.
The system runs on bureaucracy so intricate it chokes. Housing is privately owned by corporate landlords contracted by the state. Wristbands blink orders, and penalties are posed.
May I Exist? Pending Review is a haunting portrait of a society ruled by aristocratic democracy and totalitarian bureaucracy, a story not just of class descent, but of the silent war between endurance and falling prey.
- GenresDystopia
861 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 1, 2025
4 people are currently reading
10 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
September 10, 2025
I have never read a book like this but May I Exist? Pending Review is a about a day in a life of Azure. It's broken down into sections and is really easy to read. It's a very powerful book that shows how her life is controlled and she takes risks to try and gain some control and freedom. It's definitely and eye opener and a must read.
September 30, 2025
Another indie author approached me and asked if we could read each other's books and I agreed. May I exist? Pending Review is a dystopian story that makes you pause and think/worry. Could something like this really happen where we are all prisoners of our own lives? Where rebellion is a secret journal and not following the dress code? I could see this book a series for sure.
October 28, 2025
If you like dystopian literature, this’ll be a suitable addition to your TBR list! I appreciated the language and the placement of certain events that helped drive the story.
Since the subject matter in this book is repetitive in nature, due to the mundane tasks the MC faces day-to-day during her country’s dystopian regime, there were times when I could feel the pace slowing down. But amidst the routine of the MC’s days, the author would add little hints here and there that would disrupt the characters’ routines or harden their resolve toward rebelling against what had become “the norm.”
There was also a moment about halfway through the story when the narrative voice shifted a bit and I wondered if it was when the other author started to write the story. However, the story kept its pace towards its resolute, yet enigmatic, conclusion.
The dystopian-systematic-regime subject matter, a rebellious MC, and the suspense/stress that builds in a country during the countdown to the election of a new leader, makes this a story that will stick with you long after turning the last page!
Since the subject matter in this book is repetitive in nature, due to the mundane tasks the MC faces day-to-day during her country’s dystopian regime, there were times when I could feel the pace slowing down. But amidst the routine of the MC’s days, the author would add little hints here and there that would disrupt the characters’ routines or harden their resolve toward rebelling against what had become “the norm.”
There was also a moment about halfway through the story when the narrative voice shifted a bit and I wondered if it was when the other author started to write the story. However, the story kept its pace towards its resolute, yet enigmatic, conclusion.
The dystopian-systematic-regime subject matter, a rebellious MC, and the suspense/stress that builds in a country during the countdown to the election of a new leader, makes this a story that will stick with you long after turning the last page!
August 21, 2025
At first, I thought this would be a spoof kind of novel on prior books written about dystopian times, or governments that are too involved with their citizens, but in fact, it is a descent into someone's mind as they try to maneuver through their day-to-day.
Arzu spends her days following exactly as she is told by the aristocracy, down to the thickness of her socks and how long it should take her to get out of bed.
But as the government passes down more and more ridiculous mandates and with the next election looming on the horizon, she takes little wins in dismantling her everyday, planned-out life.
Day by day, she approves clothing requests that otherwise should be denied. She sneaks sugar cubes into her tea, she speaks of rebellious things, and lingers longer in her window than allowed.
As the book progresses, the chapters change with her. What once started out rigorous, detailed, and mostly government-approved becomes more thoughtful, rebellious, and interpersonal.
Arzu spends her days following exactly as she is told by the aristocracy, down to the thickness of her socks and how long it should take her to get out of bed.
But as the government passes down more and more ridiculous mandates and with the next election looming on the horizon, she takes little wins in dismantling her everyday, planned-out life.
Day by day, she approves clothing requests that otherwise should be denied. She sneaks sugar cubes into her tea, she speaks of rebellious things, and lingers longer in her window than allowed.
As the book progresses, the chapters change with her. What once started out rigorous, detailed, and mostly government-approved becomes more thoughtful, rebellious, and interpersonal.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 25, 2025
May I Exist? Pending Review by Erika Kukkar and Asium Hesridos is a powerful and unforgettable story that lingers in the mind long after the final page. More than just a dystopian narrative, it’s a profound reflection on the human spirit’s longing for recognition, dignity, and freedom. Set in a world ruled by aristocrats and buried under layers of cold bureaucracy, every moment feels both eerily distant and uncomfortably close. What sets this novel apart is its unique formal simple to follow, yet deeply impactful. Throughout the read i felt goosebumps all around my body! The writing is poetic, sharp, and emotionally charged, making this a rare and essential read for our times.
The storyline is pretty my attractive and hooked up till the very last page. Readers who enjoy horror, mystery stories should check out this one. Amazing work done by the two author
The storyline is pretty my attractive and hooked up till the very last page. Readers who enjoy horror, mystery stories should check out this one. Amazing work done by the two author
August 10, 2025
Fantastic view into a potential dystopian future and it's citizens
I was waiting for a more dramatic ending, but I realized the system had removed the ability to protest openly and loudly, far more impactful.
I was very impressed how the book follows the woman through several issues where she takes actions outside of "accepted" norms (that could potentially get her into trouble). While she slides under the radar, as some others are caught, she is never able to make a major break from the system, as she'd been planning. An incredible look at how society can so mold and shape a person's outlook and abilities that their inner core becomes too worried to carry out the deed.
Frightening look at very potential future. The book's ending leaves you with questions and wonder, waiting for a second book (and possibly a third).
I was waiting for a more dramatic ending, but I realized the system had removed the ability to protest openly and loudly, far more impactful.
I was very impressed how the book follows the woman through several issues where she takes actions outside of "accepted" norms (that could potentially get her into trouble). While she slides under the radar, as some others are caught, she is never able to make a major break from the system, as she'd been planning. An incredible look at how society can so mold and shape a person's outlook and abilities that their inner core becomes too worried to carry out the deed.
Frightening look at very potential future. The book's ending leaves you with questions and wonder, waiting for a second book (and possibly a third).
September 6, 2025
This was one of the best dystopian books I've ever read. It followed a pattern of what individuals were required to do as they went about their days. Every little action, from standing to stretch in the morning to the number of sugar cubes a person may put in a teacup, was regulated and calculated by a wristband each person wore. Every infraction--if noticed--was fined, with some of the worst infractions causing the person to disappear mysteriously.
In the beginning, the protagonist, Arzu, seemed a bit boring and her days monotonous. But, as more of her backstory was revealed and we got to see her risking deviations from the monotony the government prescribed for her, it was easy to start cheering her on.
What a powerful book illustrating what life would be like under extreme fascism and how difficult it would be for people to stand up against it. Scary but interesting read.
In the beginning, the protagonist, Arzu, seemed a bit boring and her days monotonous. But, as more of her backstory was revealed and we got to see her risking deviations from the monotony the government prescribed for her, it was easy to start cheering her on.
What a powerful book illustrating what life would be like under extreme fascism and how difficult it would be for people to stand up against it. Scary but interesting read.
August 14, 2025
Bleak, incisive, and disturbingly plausible, May I Exist? Pending Review delivers a dystopia that feels uncomfortably close to our own world. With prose as sharp as the bureaucracy it describes, the book paints a chilling portrait of a society where aristocratic entitlement merges seamlessly with suffocating administrative control. The concept of “existence as transaction” is both brilliantly simple and deeply unsettling, and the novel’s oppressive world-building lingers in the mind long after the final page. More than just a tale of class oppression, it’s a quiet, tense exploration of what it means to endure when every breath must be authorized. A haunting, necessary read for anyone who believes freedom is permanent.
August 26, 2025
This dystopian novel absolutely pulled me in from the very first page. Written in a unique journal style, it gave such an intimate look into the daily life of a girl trapped in a world where everything is regulated and timed. The format made it feel raw and personal—like I was reading her private thoughts as the countdown to a new president grew closer.
The concept was both brilliant and chilling, and I loved how the author captured the tension of living under constant control while weaving in the suspense of what the election would bring. It’s thought-provoking, immersive, and unlike anything I’ve read before. If you love dystopian stories with a fresh, innovative twist, this one is a must-read.
The concept was both brilliant and chilling, and I loved how the author captured the tension of living under constant control while weaving in the suspense of what the election would bring. It’s thought-provoking, immersive, and unlike anything I’ve read before. If you love dystopian stories with a fresh, innovative twist, this one is a must-read.
September 18, 2025
A frighteningly plausible look into a possible future. May I Exist? Pending Review by Erika Kukkar and Asium Hesridos is a terrifying look into a world that is not that far away from our own. The reader follows Arzu’s daily life and the government's ridiculous rules she and everyone else has to follow, from how many seconds she has to get out of bed, how much food she’s allowed, and how she behaves on her commute, which is particularly frightening (at one point, someone laughs and is immediately removed). The small acts of defiance she makes, including secretly reading a book which is absolutely against the rules, are what make this an absolute page turner, keeping the reader's tension levels high. This book will stay with me long after the final page. Highly recommend.
September 24, 2025
Oh wow! I’m not really sure how to typify this as far as genre. I wasn’t sure exactly where the story was going to go, but I found it quite interesting, how basically all the characters are forced to ask for permission for everything. There are definitely major big Brother vibes in this novel, how people are constantly being monitored and they monitor each other and report on one another.I think it’s an interesting statement as far as the human psyche, and how human beings, while they are quite aware that they’re living oppressed, and that things are ridiculous, they keep running with the system and basically prolong their own suffering. I was rather surprised at the ending but don’t want to spoil it here!
August 13, 2025
A powerful dystopian read that left me glued to the page
This book at first lost me on tone and concept, it's repetitive nature and seemingly unforgiving use of narrative left me confused. But soon I found I was traveling with the Arzu. I was pulled into the dystopian nature of her daily routine.
I felt guilty leaving her behind to return to my world I felt a compulsion to return to the book and continue with Arzu, even just to keep her company.
This book is an emotional weight, if you are a fan of the movie Brazil, the show severance, or the book 1984. This is so for you.
Dark, compelling, and at time heart wrenching.
This book at first lost me on tone and concept, it's repetitive nature and seemingly unforgiving use of narrative left me confused. But soon I found I was traveling with the Arzu. I was pulled into the dystopian nature of her daily routine.
I felt guilty leaving her behind to return to my world I felt a compulsion to return to the book and continue with Arzu, even just to keep her company.
This book is an emotional weight, if you are a fan of the movie Brazil, the show severance, or the book 1984. This is so for you.
Dark, compelling, and at time heart wrenching.
August 16, 2025
I came across this book on Kindle Unlimited and am glad I did.
From the opening chapter the author gives the reader a satirical glimpse into a dystopian future where meals, standing zones, and colors of clothing are decided for you. Silence and ambiguous thinking are now denied.
Reading through this book, I detected chilling similarities to how the real world has changed, and felt the emotions that the characters within the story felt.
May I Exist? is well written and a book I highly recommend to fans of this genre.
From the opening chapter the author gives the reader a satirical glimpse into a dystopian future where meals, standing zones, and colors of clothing are decided for you. Silence and ambiguous thinking are now denied.
Reading through this book, I detected chilling similarities to how the real world has changed, and felt the emotions that the characters within the story felt.
May I Exist? is well written and a book I highly recommend to fans of this genre.
September 4, 2025
May I Exist? Pending Review delivers a compelling, poetic critique of authoritarian systems and social stratification. It’s ideally suited for readers drawn toward moral complexity and reflective storytelling rather than fast-paced drama.
This novel presents an unsettling dystopian reality: a state governed by a twisted aristocratic democracy, underpinned by totalitarian bureaucracy, where citizens struggle just to exist. It raises urgent questions about class, power, and survival. It’s a thoughtful, atmospheric exploration of individual worth in the face of dehumanising authority.
This novel presents an unsettling dystopian reality: a state governed by a twisted aristocratic democracy, underpinned by totalitarian bureaucracy, where citizens struggle just to exist. It raises urgent questions about class, power, and survival. It’s a thoughtful, atmospheric exploration of individual worth in the face of dehumanising authority.
July 13, 2025
“COMPLIANCE IS CLARITY”
There are many words that could be used to accurately describe this book, but I will choose just one: future.
We follow Arzu through a dystopian world, one that, with some fear, I must admit could one day become our reality.
If you enjoy books written in a journal style and set in dystopian settings, this one is for you.
I felt that there's a lack of world building, however, I quite enjoyed the book.
There are many words that could be used to accurately describe this book, but I will choose just one: future.
We follow Arzu through a dystopian world, one that, with some fear, I must admit could one day become our reality.
If you enjoy books written in a journal style and set in dystopian settings, this one is for you.
I felt that there's a lack of world building, however, I quite enjoyed the book.
August 7, 2025
I didn’t expect to love this book as much as I did. It’s eerie, unsettling, and honestly kind of brilliant. The way it’s written, like the same day repeating under a watchful, controlling system, really hit home. It paints a bleak future that feels way too close to reality a path we seem to be on now. If you’re into dystopian stories that make you think (and squirm a little), definitely check this one out.
September 22, 2025
This book was unlike anything I have read in a while, and it's difficult to find a book that's unique out there nowadays. I don't want to give any spoilers, but I will say if you like the idea of an updated 1984 with a rebellious woman, you will enjoy this book. I like the way the story progressed with different things that Arzu would come up with to act out. I was very impressed with the amount of detail and planning that went into her writing.
August 14, 2025
Erika Kukkar’s voice in May I Exist? Pending Review is nothing short of captivating. She blends haunting beauty with sharp emotional truth, turning a dystopian premise into a deeply human story. Every sentence feels intentional, every pause deliberate, pulling you into quiet reflection. Kukkar writes with courage, empathy, and elegance leaving an imprint that stays long after the last page.
September 7, 2025
I’ve only read the sample so far, but it immediately pulled me into its chilling dystopian world. The writing is sharp and immersive, with every detail from alarms to meal approvals showing just how controlled and suffocating life is under this government. I don’t usually read dystopian, but the atmosphere here is so vivid that I found myself curious to see where the story will lead!
September 12, 2025
What a stunning dystopian novel! (I was hooked after the first chapter!) The idea of everything being regulated and timed is honestly mind-blowing, and Erika did such a fantastic job portraying how that sort of life would be. It really got me thinking deeper about how we should cherish the things we can do, and how fighting to keep our freedom is essential.
August 8, 2025
amazing!
A fresh take on a dystopian narrative, the world is foreign but well built I might add, but I feel like I know the characters. The writing is sharp and poetic and it deserves a re read to really catch all the layers. 10/10!
A fresh take on a dystopian narrative, the world is foreign but well built I might add, but I feel like I know the characters. The writing is sharp and poetic and it deserves a re read to really catch all the layers. 10/10!
August 10, 2025
A powerful book about finding the courage to be yourself. The writing is simple but full of feeling, and each page asks big questions about identity, pain, and hope. It’s a short read, but it stays with you—like a soft echo that keeps returning. Thoughtful and moving.
August 13, 2025
This was an interesting read. I loved the technical style of writing. The small rebellious acts kept me reading. I would say, I was expecting a bit more than the small subtleties. There was no overthrow just tiny acts that's justified the main characters thoughts. Overall good read.
August 19, 2025
I love the title, and the book made me need to know what happened next….
I loved the last line. “And I left my truth where roots can find it not power. This book planted roots in my brain. It was long but I loved that it was… I could not put it down!
I loved the last line. “And I left my truth where roots can find it not power. This book planted roots in my brain. It was long but I loved that it was… I could not put it down!
September 7, 2025
Such a unique concept.
The author used a very good trick to lull you into a pattern while subtly nuance each day,'s activities. You feel the dread, the slow wear, on the main character and start to reflect on your own daily grind. Definitely a solid read
The author used a very good trick to lull you into a pattern while subtly nuance each day,'s activities. You feel the dread, the slow wear, on the main character and start to reflect on your own daily grind. Definitely a solid read
September 10, 2025
A stunningly stark, yet brilliant tale. It reminds me of "Harrison Bergeron" by Kurt Vonnegut .
Arzu's journal entries absolutely slay me. I will be thinking about this book for weeks if not months to come.
Arzu's journal entries absolutely slay me. I will be thinking about this book for weeks if not months to come.
January 15, 2026
Manifesto Form
The way this entire story is set up and told is so unique. I loved it! The political atmosphere is tense and keeps you flipping through the pages, waiting for the next day.
The way this entire story is set up and told is so unique. I loved it! The political atmosphere is tense and keeps you flipping through the pages, waiting for the next day.
January 30, 2026
5 stars
September 19, 2025
I absolutely loved some of the lines in this book. Highly quotable! And enjoyed the overall journey.
January 30, 2026
Life Imitates Art
This book is creepily reminiscent of what we are experiencing now. Democracy is fragile, and this story is very close to our current reality. If you’ve watched Handmaid’s Tale, you will want to read this book. I would recommend this book to everyone. I was shocked at the rules and regulations, but I’m not surprised by anything that occurred. However, I was very disturbed about the LGBTQ character and her internal struggle. As part of the LGBTQ community, this book and our current political environment scare me and I’m glad that Erika included us in her story.
This book is creepily reminiscent of what we are experiencing now. Democracy is fragile, and this story is very close to our current reality. If you’ve watched Handmaid’s Tale, you will want to read this book. I would recommend this book to everyone. I was shocked at the rules and regulations, but I’m not surprised by anything that occurred. However, I was very disturbed about the LGBTQ character and her internal struggle. As part of the LGBTQ community, this book and our current political environment scare me and I’m glad that Erika included us in her story.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews