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Even the Good Girls Will Cry: A '90s Rock Memoir
Thanks to a thrown beer bottle and a fan letter to a P.O. box, Melissa Auf der Maur's first band scored an opening slot for the Smashing Pumpkins in her bohemian home town, Montreal. Sensing Melissa's talent, Billy Corgan recommended her to Courtney Love. Whisked from her local scene, Melissa joined Hole just after the deaths of Kurt Cobain and Hole's prior bassist, Kristen Pfaff, with the just-widowed Courtney Love at the centre of it all.
That was only the beginning of Melissa's journey through alternative rock, a trip she undertook alongside 90s luminaries including Rufus Wainwright, Michael Stipe and her former boyfriend, Dave Grohl. Even the Good Girls Will Cry is a vivid dispatch from the last analogue decade, capturing that bygone era in all its messy, angsty glory.
That was only the beginning of Melissa's journey through alternative rock, a trip she undertook alongside 90s luminaries including Rufus Wainwright, Michael Stipe and her former boyfriend, Dave Grohl. Even the Good Girls Will Cry is a vivid dispatch from the last analogue decade, capturing that bygone era in all its messy, angsty glory.
432 pages, Hardcover
Published March 17, 2026
278 people are currently reading
6799 people want to read
About the author
Melissa Auf der Maur
6 books61 followersMelissa Auf der Maur is a Canadian musician, singer-songwriter and photographer. Born and raised in Montréal, Auf der Maur formed Tinker in 1993 and later was recruited as the bassist for the American alternative rock band Hole in 1994. Following her departure from Hole, Auf der Maur joined The Smashing Pumpkins in 2000 and later began a solo career. Her debut studio album, Auf der Maur, was released in 2004 and her second studio album, Out of Our Minds, was released in 2010.
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November 4, 2025This is my Roman Empire.
December 10, 2025
Even the Good Girls Will Cry is the kind of memoir that pulls you straight back into the raw, electric pulse of the 90s. Melissa Auf der Maur writes with the heart of an artist and the memory of someone who lived inside that chaotic, beautiful decade.
What makes this book unforgettable is how human it feels. Melissa captures the messy friendships, the heartbreaks, the backstage moments, and the sense of being young in a world that felt dangerous and full of possibility. With never-before-seen photos and vivid storytelling, this memoir feels like flipping through an old, beloved scrapbook you forgot you still had. A powerful, emotional journey through the last analog era of rock.
What makes this book unforgettable is how human it feels. Melissa captures the messy friendships, the heartbreaks, the backstage moments, and the sense of being young in a world that felt dangerous and full of possibility. With never-before-seen photos and vivid storytelling, this memoir feels like flipping through an old, beloved scrapbook you forgot you still had. A powerful, emotional journey through the last analog era of rock.
January 28, 2026
As a young bass player in a high school band back in the 90s looking for inspiration amongst the era's rockstars, there were few musicians as striking on MTV as Melissa Auf der Maur. Her style, poise, and mysterious / mystical presence in Hole videos made her one of my heroes and I followed her musical path from that band to the Pumpkins and up to her stint in the Curiosa Festival promoting her first solo record in the early aughts. But I never knew much about Melissa, other than she had settled outside NYC and ran an esteemed artist space and venue. As a longtime fan, I'm glad she wrote this memoir –a surprisingly candid and deep dive into her personal experiences as a developing artist and touring musician in two of the biggest rock bands of our time. I also appreciated (and got my heart broken) reading about her parents, in particular her dad, Nick, a beloved political figure and journalist back in Montreal. Insights into her art practice, dreams, spirituality, friendships, life philosophy, work relationships, love life, experiences around addicts, and the music industry coalesce into a fulfilling, emotional, and inspiring read that confidently lands "Even the Good Girls Will Cry" at the tippy top of my rock memoirs list.
Thanks to Grand Central Publishing | Da Capo and NetGalley for providing an advance copy of this book for review.
Thanks to Grand Central Publishing | Da Capo and NetGalley for providing an advance copy of this book for review.
March 2, 2026
Regard lucide, sensible et touchant sur une décennie musicale qui a défini toute une génération (fallait être là). Le parcours de Melissa Auf der Maur est fascinant. C’est un must read!
February 19, 2026
A beautiful and heartwarming memoir that fuelled my obsession with 90s rock music and made me nostalgic for a time I didn't even experience.
Even the Good Girls Will Cry takes you back in time to the rebellious 90s where everything seemed possible. We follow Melissa Auf der Maur from growing up in Montreal to playing bass at the biggest rock festivals, all while dealing with difficult band dynamics, loss and the search for her own creative freedom.
Filled with anecdotes from meeting the biggest rock bands and celebrities of the 90s and illustrated with her own photography Melissa Auf der Maur beautifully manages to capture the spirit of the last analogue decade.
Already one of my favourite releases of 2026!
Even the Good Girls Will Cry takes you back in time to the rebellious 90s where everything seemed possible. We follow Melissa Auf der Maur from growing up in Montreal to playing bass at the biggest rock festivals, all while dealing with difficult band dynamics, loss and the search for her own creative freedom.
Filled with anecdotes from meeting the biggest rock bands and celebrities of the 90s and illustrated with her own photography Melissa Auf der Maur beautifully manages to capture the spirit of the last analogue decade.
Already one of my favourite releases of 2026!
March 21, 2026
melissa auf der maur is one of the most important people to my being, she made me pick the bass up and fall in love with music all over again. i feel very connected to her in ways i can’t even begin to explain and i’ve been beyond excited for the release of her memoir and not surprising to most that know me to say this did not disappoint at all. this book is so so special it not only gave me insight into things about her life that i always wished to know but it also made me long for a time i wasn’t even alive for. i wish one day that i could meet her so i can tell her just how much she means to me and how much of an impact she has had on my life but for now having this feels good enough.
Want to read
March 12, 2026ty hachette for the copy. i freaking love the smashing pumpkins i cant wait to see how this goes!
March 24, 2026
So glad to meet this beautiful soul
Melissa brings a pair of memory binoculars to all of us 90s kids who lived in the analog past. She feels like an old friend you saw at all the cool shows. What a great ride her life is! Thank you for sharing your magical story with the world!
Melissa brings a pair of memory binoculars to all of us 90s kids who lived in the analog past. She feels like an old friend you saw at all the cool shows. What a great ride her life is! Thank you for sharing your magical story with the world!
March 23, 2026
This is going to be a long one.
I was (and still am) a huge fan of Hole and also followed Melissa's solo career in the early 00s, but realised despite devouring music mags and interviews she did back then knew very little about her.
Here we get a peek behind the curtain of life in a rock band during the 90s, from a quiet, introspective and level headed bassist who observes the mess and destruction happening around her and manages to not lose herself amongst it all.
Of course I loved hearing her perspective on Courtney, and I feel like Melissa was honest and didn't hold back on highlighting the way Love was treated back then when going through a hell of a lot of shit but how she was also a chaotic and often hard to work with person. Reading about Melissa's friendship with Hole drummer Patty was also a highlight.
I had no idea about the whirlwind way she ended up in the band after a chance meeting with Billy Corgan and I loved reading her talk about her passion for indie culture and her love for music, photography, journaling and documenting everything.
Other stuff...
-I cried reading the incredibly moving chapter on her fathers final days
-The behind the scenes loneliness of touring and the long winded and tenuous recording of Celebrity Skin
-Feeling overpowered amongst driven, ambitious and fame hungry people
-Her side and take down of the CL/Kathleen Hanna 'fight'
-The letters Courtney wrote Melissa but especially the one where she told her beauty is meaningless without a personality or anything to say. "I like you because you're a queen not a princess. Big difference. A princess will get married off. A queen will rule and have what she needs and wants and get shit done."
-Other bands, especially Sonic Youth's treatment of CL in the wake of Kurt's death and the unexpected camaraderie from Cypress Hill.
-Dave Navarro asking Melissa if she woke up every morning feeling a connection to a higher purpose and when she said yes replying "Well, that's the difference between you and me. I feel a dark hole of disconnect every morning and I have to work ever day to make a connection. I'd I fail to do that work, drugs are an easy fix. They're a bridge to connect me to something."
It wasn't perfect for me, at times I found it a bit pretentious and contradictory, she constantly derided commercial rock, looked down on anything radio friendly and bands who had 'sold out' despite herself agreeing to be in two of the most commercially successful rock bands of the decade. In fact she originally turned down joining Hole but decided to 'for women everywhere and to change the landscape of rock'. The new age stuff wasn't for me, talk of star signs mystical dreams and cosmic callings.
She said something I consider weird: "she was an on again off again lesbian (nowadays simply called bisexual!)" It was 1998 Melissa, wtf?!
Overall though, I enjoyed it a lot. This wasn't just a 90s nostalgia memoir, it was an honest account of music and rock 'n' roll from someone who rather than being a brash, loud, attention seeking rockstar was happy to be beside the limelight and do things her way.
I was (and still am) a huge fan of Hole and also followed Melissa's solo career in the early 00s, but realised despite devouring music mags and interviews she did back then knew very little about her.
Here we get a peek behind the curtain of life in a rock band during the 90s, from a quiet, introspective and level headed bassist who observes the mess and destruction happening around her and manages to not lose herself amongst it all.
Of course I loved hearing her perspective on Courtney, and I feel like Melissa was honest and didn't hold back on highlighting the way Love was treated back then when going through a hell of a lot of shit but how she was also a chaotic and often hard to work with person. Reading about Melissa's friendship with Hole drummer Patty was also a highlight.
I had no idea about the whirlwind way she ended up in the band after a chance meeting with Billy Corgan and I loved reading her talk about her passion for indie culture and her love for music, photography, journaling and documenting everything.
Other stuff...
-I cried reading the incredibly moving chapter on her fathers final days
-The behind the scenes loneliness of touring and the long winded and tenuous recording of Celebrity Skin
-Feeling overpowered amongst driven, ambitious and fame hungry people
-Her side and take down of the CL/Kathleen Hanna 'fight'
-The letters Courtney wrote Melissa but especially the one where she told her beauty is meaningless without a personality or anything to say. "I like you because you're a queen not a princess. Big difference. A princess will get married off. A queen will rule and have what she needs and wants and get shit done."
-Other bands, especially Sonic Youth's treatment of CL in the wake of Kurt's death and the unexpected camaraderie from Cypress Hill.
-Dave Navarro asking Melissa if she woke up every morning feeling a connection to a higher purpose and when she said yes replying "Well, that's the difference between you and me. I feel a dark hole of disconnect every morning and I have to work ever day to make a connection. I'd I fail to do that work, drugs are an easy fix. They're a bridge to connect me to something."
It wasn't perfect for me, at times I found it a bit pretentious and contradictory, she constantly derided commercial rock, looked down on anything radio friendly and bands who had 'sold out' despite herself agreeing to be in two of the most commercially successful rock bands of the decade. In fact she originally turned down joining Hole but decided to 'for women everywhere and to change the landscape of rock'. The new age stuff wasn't for me, talk of star signs mystical dreams and cosmic callings.
She said something I consider weird: "she was an on again off again lesbian (nowadays simply called bisexual!)" It was 1998 Melissa, wtf?!
Overall though, I enjoyed it a lot. This wasn't just a 90s nostalgia memoir, it was an honest account of music and rock 'n' roll from someone who rather than being a brash, loud, attention seeking rockstar was happy to be beside the limelight and do things her way.
March 17, 2026
An insiders view of the 90s alternative rock scene, Melissa Auf der Maur's Even the Good Girls Will Cry: A '90s Rock Memoir sees the author reflecting on joining or touring with some of the biggest bands of the period (Hole and Smashing Pumpkins). It's a straightforward biography from an unconventional life.
Auf der Maur starts with a view from stage before going way back to the lives of her parents, how they met and created her in Montreal. Her father was a very public politician and writer, quiet in private life but very performative, one of the guys at the bar, always smoking. Her mother was a liberated American who left the United States out of disgust and sought her own path. Auf der Maur speaks of her unusual but supportive parents, schooling in the arts and the drive to be a musician following her exposure to the goth culture and later Nirvana. Following an early Smashing Pumpkins show and a connection with Billy Corgan, opportunity beckoned and she acquired a bass guitar and learned to play.
From there it seems life happened startling quickly. Auf der Maur was brought in as a replacement for the deceased Kristen Pfaff, to a Hole already struggling with addiction and Courtney Love's mourning of Kurt Cobain. Auf der Maur was 22.
A troubled time for anyone, Love had to have all the grieving in public with her every move and action questioned. It was also when Hole was reaching a peak, their album Live Through This receiving strong press and a lengthy world tour to see it reach the masses.
Auf der Maur is clear and honest as a writer, but with a strong dose of new age spirituality as a guiding force in her life, with a more asexual approach to the rock star life. The spirituality comes out in sections labeled as dreams, but that seemed to be forecasting a possible future. It is deeply revealing of the inner struggle of fame and success, hitting some of the well known notable occasions in the career of Hole. It also offers a strong feminine perspective as the culture was shifting from alternative rock to the misogynist focus of nu-metal and the next wave of shock rock.
There is a coda that shows Auf der Maur post fame, having learned many lessons it shows the strengths of building a community and while she still has released several albums, but at an almost purposefully small scale.
Primarily focused on the period of 1994 to 2000 this book would appeal to fans of the alternative rock boom, 90s pop culture or music biographies.
I received a free digital version of this book via NetGalley thanks to the publisher.
Auf der Maur starts with a view from stage before going way back to the lives of her parents, how they met and created her in Montreal. Her father was a very public politician and writer, quiet in private life but very performative, one of the guys at the bar, always smoking. Her mother was a liberated American who left the United States out of disgust and sought her own path. Auf der Maur speaks of her unusual but supportive parents, schooling in the arts and the drive to be a musician following her exposure to the goth culture and later Nirvana. Following an early Smashing Pumpkins show and a connection with Billy Corgan, opportunity beckoned and she acquired a bass guitar and learned to play.
From there it seems life happened startling quickly. Auf der Maur was brought in as a replacement for the deceased Kristen Pfaff, to a Hole already struggling with addiction and Courtney Love's mourning of Kurt Cobain. Auf der Maur was 22.
A troubled time for anyone, Love had to have all the grieving in public with her every move and action questioned. It was also when Hole was reaching a peak, their album Live Through This receiving strong press and a lengthy world tour to see it reach the masses.
Auf der Maur is clear and honest as a writer, but with a strong dose of new age spirituality as a guiding force in her life, with a more asexual approach to the rock star life. The spirituality comes out in sections labeled as dreams, but that seemed to be forecasting a possible future. It is deeply revealing of the inner struggle of fame and success, hitting some of the well known notable occasions in the career of Hole. It also offers a strong feminine perspective as the culture was shifting from alternative rock to the misogynist focus of nu-metal and the next wave of shock rock.
There is a coda that shows Auf der Maur post fame, having learned many lessons it shows the strengths of building a community and while she still has released several albums, but at an almost purposefully small scale.
Primarily focused on the period of 1994 to 2000 this book would appeal to fans of the alternative rock boom, 90s pop culture or music biographies.
I received a free digital version of this book via NetGalley thanks to the publisher.
March 26, 2026
Never in my wildest dream could I imagined this memoir seeing the light of day.
I felt I was revisiting my teenage self in the late 90s and it brought back a sense of nostalgia for the way things were back then. How we were able the experience an analog life far removed from the constant digital one we live now. I miss the days we could walk into a music store to buy cds! Discovering a band you love was an intimate and precious thing.
In my early teens, I was such a Hole fan that even my family and friends were annoyed. I even have a tattoo to prove it! As I read the book, I realized that the only reason I started to listen to The Smashing Pumpkins was because Melissa joined the band during their Machina/ The Machines of God album/tour. They became my favourite band of all time! Within the pages you also discover the true artist that Melissa is behing all the rock music persona. She is quite an inspiration.
If you want to catch a glimpse of the 90s rock grunge scene or simply if you want to revisit those time, this memoir will blow you away.
I felt I was revisiting my teenage self in the late 90s and it brought back a sense of nostalgia for the way things were back then. How we were able the experience an analog life far removed from the constant digital one we live now. I miss the days we could walk into a music store to buy cds! Discovering a band you love was an intimate and precious thing.
In my early teens, I was such a Hole fan that even my family and friends were annoyed. I even have a tattoo to prove it! As I read the book, I realized that the only reason I started to listen to The Smashing Pumpkins was because Melissa joined the band during their Machina/ The Machines of God album/tour. They became my favourite band of all time! Within the pages you also discover the true artist that Melissa is behing all the rock music persona. She is quite an inspiration.
If you want to catch a glimpse of the 90s rock grunge scene or simply if you want to revisit those time, this memoir will blow you away.
March 25, 2026
Wow, wow, WOW! I was totally enthralled from start to end. Melissa’s writing style was so in depth and descriptive that It truly felt like I was there seeing the things with my own eyes! As a lifelong fan of Hole (and The Smashing Pumpkins but this was more about Hole for me) it was an eye opener to her experience in and relationship the band, especially the experience of making “Celebrity Skin” and losing Patty. It was abundantly clear how much the people in the book mean to her and her journey. Tears definitely flowed with this book (when you read you will know) but I am so grateful to Melissa for opening this door to her life and story. More Melissa, please.
March 24, 2026
A cracking read of any fans of Hole and 90s alternative rock. Auf der Maur gives a fascinating, intimate portrait of being in Hole…and then a cursory overview of her (admittedly briefer) time in the Smashing Pumpkins. That was the time she seemed to really grapple with some big stuff inside herself - that drive to be the eponymous Good Girl - and that would have been really interesting. She’s spoken about this more extensively in interviews to promote the book and I was left wondering more about that internal life at the end.
March 19, 2026
Really great. With music and film bios sometimes the early chapters about the subject’s life (before they get into whatever endeavors attracted you to the material) can be fairly dry, but here they’re pretty fascinating. And of course all of the stuff w hole is a revelation (both fair and honest).
March 22, 2026
Marvelous.
Thank you Melissa, for this journey back into the 90's. For the music. For the inspiration.
This book did make me realise I don't even know who or where I would have been today if she had not joined Hole. Maybe it would be the same. But quite possibly not.
Thank you Melissa, for this journey back into the 90's. For the music. For the inspiration.
This book did make me realise I don't even know who or where I would have been today if she had not joined Hole. Maybe it would be the same. But quite possibly not.
January 14, 2026
A good memoir always has a distinctive voice, and this one was no exception. Recommend for fans of Melissa Auf der Maur; otherwise it may feel long. Interesting insight into the 1990s music scene.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
My thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for an advance copy of this memoir by a musician who was in dead center in the maelstrom that was the alternative music scene, in one band that the press loved to hate, and another band that the press loved for their pretensions, but a musician who kept her integrity, spirituality and creative freedom from ever being brought down.
I read one that the the cast of Saturday Night Live on watches when a person is in college will always be the best seasons, and the rest has all gone downhill. Lower the age to high school, and this can be said about music. People at a certain age, when hormones, hope and emotions are running will always love the music that they heard then. Nostalgia is a heck of a drug. That's why these bands popular twenty, thirty forty, fifty years ago hardly play songs from their new album. No one wants to hear it. I grew up in the eighties and nineties, and that music still reminds me of a time when things were right, and full of hope. And a bit of rage, despite it all. Two bands were polarizing in the nineties, Hole, with Courtney Love filling gossip pages, and Smashing Pumpkins, a band people loved to hate for their naked ambition. These band shared two things a relationship between lead singers, and a bassist, Melissa Auf der Maur. In Even the Good Girls Will Cry: A '90s Rock Memoir, Melissa shares her story from childhood, love of the arts, to music stardom, a passage told with a lot of bumps and pitfalls, but one that has made the artist that Melissa is today.
The book begins with an appearance at one of England longest lasting and largest music festivals, a daunting task for any band, no matter the experience. For Melissa Auf der Maur, this was her first time playing with the band Hole and the mercurial and misunderstood lead singer Courtney Love. The band was in more than just flux at the time. Love's husband Kurt Cobain had just died, an the band's previous bassist had also perished due to drugs. For Melissa though, this was just another performance in a long line of performing. And she was more than ready. Melissa's mother was bohemian before it was chic, living a live she wanted, and after having Melissa sharing this life with her daughter. Both traveled the world, seeing new things and sharing experiences. Melissa's stepfather was both a political writer and commentator, with a love of alcohol and a love of Melissa, whose artistic gifts he helped Melissa cultivate. Photography was a passion, one that was soon sharing time with music, which gave Melissa ideas about a future she hadn't thought about. A odd encounter with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins started a friendship that lead to a gig with the band Hole. And that's when life really got interesting.
A book that will bring back a lot of memories, about a time when the future seemed bright, women were finding a place in entertainment, and the music was speaking to people. As Melissa writes though most of this was a lie. The book is very honest, and well written, and honestly is like reading a zine article from years ago. There is a fey aspect to it, mentions of ghosts and being Pisces and a lot of names that people probably have forgotten. That said the honesty I spoke about is really strong, not in a settling scores sense, but in this is what happened kind of sense. Melissa kept her mind, her body and more importantly her soul and creativity safe, even as everything else was falling apart. And we as readers are better for it.
The title of the book comes from a strange visitation the author had, and their are a lot of ghosts in this book. However this is a great book for women, especially young women about being true, being yourself, trying new things, and having the sense to say no. In life, at work, and especially when it comes to being creative. I enjoyed this quite a lot, and felt bad when it ended, though I am glad that Melissa is doing well.
I read one that the the cast of Saturday Night Live on watches when a person is in college will always be the best seasons, and the rest has all gone downhill. Lower the age to high school, and this can be said about music. People at a certain age, when hormones, hope and emotions are running will always love the music that they heard then. Nostalgia is a heck of a drug. That's why these bands popular twenty, thirty forty, fifty years ago hardly play songs from their new album. No one wants to hear it. I grew up in the eighties and nineties, and that music still reminds me of a time when things were right, and full of hope. And a bit of rage, despite it all. Two bands were polarizing in the nineties, Hole, with Courtney Love filling gossip pages, and Smashing Pumpkins, a band people loved to hate for their naked ambition. These band shared two things a relationship between lead singers, and a bassist, Melissa Auf der Maur. In Even the Good Girls Will Cry: A '90s Rock Memoir, Melissa shares her story from childhood, love of the arts, to music stardom, a passage told with a lot of bumps and pitfalls, but one that has made the artist that Melissa is today.
The book begins with an appearance at one of England longest lasting and largest music festivals, a daunting task for any band, no matter the experience. For Melissa Auf der Maur, this was her first time playing with the band Hole and the mercurial and misunderstood lead singer Courtney Love. The band was in more than just flux at the time. Love's husband Kurt Cobain had just died, an the band's previous bassist had also perished due to drugs. For Melissa though, this was just another performance in a long line of performing. And she was more than ready. Melissa's mother was bohemian before it was chic, living a live she wanted, and after having Melissa sharing this life with her daughter. Both traveled the world, seeing new things and sharing experiences. Melissa's stepfather was both a political writer and commentator, with a love of alcohol and a love of Melissa, whose artistic gifts he helped Melissa cultivate. Photography was a passion, one that was soon sharing time with music, which gave Melissa ideas about a future she hadn't thought about. A odd encounter with Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins started a friendship that lead to a gig with the band Hole. And that's when life really got interesting.
A book that will bring back a lot of memories, about a time when the future seemed bright, women were finding a place in entertainment, and the music was speaking to people. As Melissa writes though most of this was a lie. The book is very honest, and well written, and honestly is like reading a zine article from years ago. There is a fey aspect to it, mentions of ghosts and being Pisces and a lot of names that people probably have forgotten. That said the honesty I spoke about is really strong, not in a settling scores sense, but in this is what happened kind of sense. Melissa kept her mind, her body and more importantly her soul and creativity safe, even as everything else was falling apart. And we as readers are better for it.
The title of the book comes from a strange visitation the author had, and their are a lot of ghosts in this book. However this is a great book for women, especially young women about being true, being yourself, trying new things, and having the sense to say no. In life, at work, and especially when it comes to being creative. I enjoyed this quite a lot, and felt bad when it ended, though I am glad that Melissa is doing well.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
Referring to Melissa Auf Der Maur as xMADMx in this review, because I always loved that stylization!
When I saw the ARC available for this I don’t think I’ve ever hit “request” so fast. I’m not a huge memoir/non-fiction reader but if xMADMx was putting out a book, I was 100% reading it. The marketing/descriptions are pretty spot on - a love letter to a beautiful chapter in music history.
I came of age in the 90s. 90s alt-rock was the soundtrack to my formative years. I was a teenage musician myself, playing the cello, bass and guitar. Naturally, xMADMx was a musician I watched and admired.
I was also a Smashing Pumpkins super fan, I suppose I still am to a degree.When D’arcy departed the Pumpkins I felt like there was a void, but finding out xMADMx was going on tour with them really felt right.
I thought xMADMx did a great job telling HER story, as she worked alongside some really big personalities. She always kept it from her perspective and it was obvious she was making a point not to tell the stories of others.
Of course I enjoyed the Billy Corgan and Pumpkin-centric parts a bunch, I learned a couple things. But reading about xMADMx’s early years and her upbringing in Montreal was very interesting. The experiences she had there as a young adult were fun to read about. What xMADMx helped to do for women in music is extraordinary and the world is a better and richer place with her art in it.
I really appreciate that this book hit square into a niche of rock history I love, appreciate and even got to live a little. I saw xMADMx play with the pumpkins quite a few times.
The way xMADMx wrote about love and loss regarding her Dad was very well done, too. I can imagine writing about his passing was both therapeutic and heart wrenching - I know the feeling. I feel like any Dad would be proud of the way she tackled it.
Any 90s alt kids out there who liked Hole and/or Smashing Pumpkins, and a number of bands in that circle will enjoy this one. Its nostalgia isn’t overbearing or cheesy. It made me truly miss and highly appreciate what I was fortunate enough to live a little.
Thanks to Netgalley, xMADMx and Grand Central Publishing for the early eCopy.
When I saw the ARC available for this I don’t think I’ve ever hit “request” so fast. I’m not a huge memoir/non-fiction reader but if xMADMx was putting out a book, I was 100% reading it. The marketing/descriptions are pretty spot on - a love letter to a beautiful chapter in music history.
I came of age in the 90s. 90s alt-rock was the soundtrack to my formative years. I was a teenage musician myself, playing the cello, bass and guitar. Naturally, xMADMx was a musician I watched and admired.
I was also a Smashing Pumpkins super fan, I suppose I still am to a degree.When D’arcy departed the Pumpkins I felt like there was a void, but finding out xMADMx was going on tour with them really felt right.
I thought xMADMx did a great job telling HER story, as she worked alongside some really big personalities. She always kept it from her perspective and it was obvious she was making a point not to tell the stories of others.
Of course I enjoyed the Billy Corgan and Pumpkin-centric parts a bunch, I learned a couple things. But reading about xMADMx’s early years and her upbringing in Montreal was very interesting. The experiences she had there as a young adult were fun to read about. What xMADMx helped to do for women in music is extraordinary and the world is a better and richer place with her art in it.
I really appreciate that this book hit square into a niche of rock history I love, appreciate and even got to live a little. I saw xMADMx play with the pumpkins quite a few times.
The way xMADMx wrote about love and loss regarding her Dad was very well done, too. I can imagine writing about his passing was both therapeutic and heart wrenching - I know the feeling. I feel like any Dad would be proud of the way she tackled it.
Any 90s alt kids out there who liked Hole and/or Smashing Pumpkins, and a number of bands in that circle will enjoy this one. Its nostalgia isn’t overbearing or cheesy. It made me truly miss and highly appreciate what I was fortunate enough to live a little.
Thanks to Netgalley, xMADMx and Grand Central Publishing for the early eCopy.
March 17, 2026
Was für ein tolles Abenteuerleben! So künstlerisch und frei. Mit viel Herz und Wärme geschrieben, und so leicht, dass ich es gar nicht aus der Hand legen wollte. Über eine Zeit, eine Musik, die auch mir so viel bedeutet.
Offen und nachvollziehbar über ihre jugendlichen Entscheidungen und Motivationen (damit meine ich bis 30), die naiv, überstürzt, bold, oder einfach genüsslich frei von Verantwortung waren.
Wermutstropfen: Leicht geschrieben heißt auch, dass es ein wenig an Gewicht fehlt. Wir Leserinnen sind mit ihr jung, in dem Augenblick, und es gibt sehr wenig Reflexion aus der Perspektive der erwachsenen Frau. Vielleicht, weil für sie immer alles gut gegangen ist? Als eine der sehr wenigen Frauen in der ziemlich misogynen Zeit des 90er-Jahre-Rock ging es ihr gut, zT vielleicht auch, weil sie eine der wenigen war (die vorzeigemäßig privilegiert wurde), das hat was von Pick-me-girl, und das hätte ich mir viel stärker reflektiert gewünscht.
Offen und nachvollziehbar über ihre jugendlichen Entscheidungen und Motivationen (damit meine ich bis 30), die naiv, überstürzt, bold, oder einfach genüsslich frei von Verantwortung waren.
Wermutstropfen: Leicht geschrieben heißt auch, dass es ein wenig an Gewicht fehlt. Wir Leserinnen sind mit ihr jung, in dem Augenblick, und es gibt sehr wenig Reflexion aus der Perspektive der erwachsenen Frau. Vielleicht, weil für sie immer alles gut gegangen ist? Als eine der sehr wenigen Frauen in der ziemlich misogynen Zeit des 90er-Jahre-Rock ging es ihr gut, zT vielleicht auch, weil sie eine der wenigen war (die vorzeigemäßig privilegiert wurde), das hat was von Pick-me-girl, und das hätte ich mir viel stärker reflektiert gewünscht.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
This was a book I lingered over. Melissa’s story was so interesting. I didn’t know a lot about her outside of the bands she was in and I learned so much reading this.
She’s had a very interesting life and seems to have handled it better than most of the people around her. The writing on this is a bit, well, 90’s. It’s full of dreams she had or the connections she had because she’s a Pisces.
The book is good and the stories are fun. I recommend it.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC, all opinions are my own.
She’s had a very interesting life and seems to have handled it better than most of the people around her. The writing on this is a bit, well, 90’s. It’s full of dreams she had or the connections she had because she’s a Pisces.
The book is good and the stories are fun. I recommend it.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC, all opinions are my own.
March 18, 2026
I loved it. I felt like I was back there. Melissa's family is interesting too. For those of us that remember every little thing about the 90's, it puts things into perspective and makes you realize that probably no one else could have filled the role at the time. She wasn't reactive, she didn't escalate things, she wasn't a junkie, she was there for support. In retrospect, I'm so appreciative that she felt a sense of purpose for the moment and chose to embrace adventure.
March 25, 2026
Bassist Melissa Auf der Maur had a first-hand view of what it was like to experience two of the biggest rock bands of the 1990s: Hole and the Smashing Pumpkins. Her memoir gives readers an intimate glimpse of one of the most influential decades in rock and what it was like to come of age in the middle of it.
Read the rest of my review at Louder Than War: https://louderthanwar.com/even-the-go...
Read the rest of my review at Louder Than War: https://louderthanwar.com/even-the-go...
March 24, 2026
This brick of a book would not fit in my handbag, but I couldn't put it down, so I lugged it back and forth to a film festival with me by hand. MAdM had me cracking up, feeling dreamy, and remembering the 90s alt world that taught me what cool was as a kid. An honest and loving portrait of Courtney Love, as well.
November 29, 2025
Really interesting look at Melissa Auf der Maur's career and the 90's grunge scene. As a 90's kid, this was a really cool background look into the music of a period of time that has a really strong hold on my heart.
Thank you Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing | Da Capo for the ARC!
Thank you Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing | Da Capo for the ARC!
March 21, 2026
I loved this, read it in a day. Was very interesting. If I were her husband I’d be pissed, he barely cops a mention. Where as Dave Grohl is mentioned over and over about being the love of her life. Yikes
March 26, 2026
As a longtime hole and smashing pumpkins fan I knew I would enjoy this but I didn’t know I would LOVE it. Melissa’s retelling of her time in the 90s was raw and beautiful. I laughed, I cried, I didn’t want this book to end. Thank you Melissa and please write more🙏
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
interesting, effective rock memoir with some impressive writing that gives a keen insight into the life of the '90s alternative music world. 5 stars. tysm for the arc.
March 21, 2026
MELISSA FROM MONTREAL, WE LOVE YOU!!
March 22, 2026
Take me back to that last analogue decade, MaDM.
March 24, 2026
Couldn’t put it down. I loved all the stories from this historic time.
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