الإنطباعات الأولى

by آن ديماري, فاليري وايت

ما لا تعرفه عن الطريقة التي يراك بها

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Communication, Relationships, Business, Education

Unknown Binding

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written by two phds who founded a consulting firm called First Impressions Inc. This is a consulting firm that helps socially challenged people give a good and accurate perception of themselves in social situations, such as meeting someone new at a cocktail party or a first date.

To sum it all up:

Do not talk too loudly or softly. That makes you seem egotistical or shy.

Make sure to ask the person about themselves, so you do not seem like a self- absorbed ass.

Do not share too much heavy personal information on the first meeting. This is needy and kind of awkward, not to mention odd.

Do not ask the other person anything that might seem persumptious, such as "So, what Motel 6 do you like best?" This will make you look creepy..and cheap.

Keep any medical information, such as why you need that ointment, out of the picture until you know them better.

Although first impressions are important, and they can determine whether or not that person will ever want to talk to you again, they represent only a small slice of who you are and who that other person is, so try not to be too judgemental.

[Ayat Z · Rating 5 out of 5]

"This book made me understand how to connect with people more easily, and also helped me to understand it when people give me a poor first impression. It compares the image that I see or the image that I send with the true image that I or my conversation partner really hopes to convey."

[AndreaZ · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading this book, I will certainly be on my best behavior all the time and never annoy anyone ever again, at least during the first time I meet you.

My first thoughts were "wow, I must be doing lots of things wrong" because I don't think I always make a great first impression. I'm too introverted. I wait, watch, and only say things when I actually have something to contribute. I think it takes six months of fairly frequent contact for someone to understand my communication style.

So, in my typical I-need-to-improve-myself-on-this-issue-too-right-now!, I dove in and started taking notes about everything I need to work on to make a better first impression on strangers. Then, after some reflection, I started despairing about how shallow we all are that one brief meeting colors our perceptions of others forever.

My new years resolution in 2009 was to be a better listener. I have succeeded tremendously at that. I don't interrupt, I don't change the subject to myself, I ask follow-up questions, etc. On the flip side, this book has made me realize that I need to be a better talker. I can open up more, share more information about myself, participate earlier in conversations, etc.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recommended by Gretchen Rubin, I spent some time on lunch breaks and on a recent road trip reading this one. I liked the structure of the book and the way they presented the information. They began the book by talking about the psychology of first impressions and then discussed the 7 fundamentals of a first impression, and ended with how to incorporate their advice and make changes to your style. I found the first 100 pages to be the most insightful and it less and less interesting as the book went one. This book would be useful as a staff training tool or program for those who work in public service, as I do, where we are constantly making and receiving first impressions.

[Dan Stern · Rating 3 out of 5]

The information in this book sticks. I find myself in social situations that are a bit awkward and something from the book will come to mind, and I'll use it successfully to smooth the interaction. I'll be honest, I didn't put a ton of effort into "mastering" the skills. I'm an introvert, so I've spent a lot of time working on my social skills, and I read this book to find out what mistakes I might be making and where I could use improvement. Like I said, even without a lot of dedication, the information sticks, which is testament to the value of the book. I recommend it for anyone wanting to improve their people skills and check for things they might be doing wrong.

The book can be a little dry at times, but that's not unusual for self-help, which isn't always fun but is usually helpful. Many of the examples are very real-world and familiar to almost anyone, which makes it really easy to understand the points. I read the book a chapter at a time rather than trying to devour it all at once, which gave me more time to absorb the information. This was especially helpful since I wasn't deliberately practicing - it allowed time for little ah ha moments to crop up naturally and give me an opportunity to try out the techniques in the book. And the techniques work. I found that the book illustrated a lot of good points without a lot of fluff. Just good, practical advice on how to make your life easier in the social sphere.

[دلال · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب يصف لك الآخرين كيف يروك خصوصا في اللقاء الأول ويساعدك كيف تتجنب الانطباعات السيئة التي قد تتركها لدى الآخرين دون أن تشعر

مكتوب بطريقة لقاءات جمعت بين أشخاص (عملاء الشركة) وموظفي الشركة التي أسستها صاحبة الكتاب وبعد اللقاء يلفتون نظر العملاء الى تصرفاتهم السلبية أثناء اللقاء ويدربونهم على تحسين سلوكهم

رائع ولفت نظري الى تصرفات تترك انطباع عكس توقعاتي

له نسخة مترجمة

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful information about meeting people and communication. Sure, a lot of it was common sense, but the book compiled a lot of information that most people don't think about.
I also liked how they used real-life examples. Very helpful.

[Anita Byrne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me understand how to connect with people more easily, and also helped me to understand it when people give me a poor first impression. It compares the image that I see or the image that I send with the true image that I or my conversation partner really hopes to convey.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always thought that I made a great first impression until I read this book. And that makes sense; the way we want to be perceived by the world is often counterintuitive to how we are perceived. I learned this by working through the (super-helpful) checklists at the end of every chapter that contrasted common behaviors and the impressions they make on others.

Although the book loses a little bit of steam toward the end, it is immediately applicable from paragraph one. I find myself thinking about these principles multiple times a day, observing my intentions and doing my best to obey the cardinal rule of first impressions: meet the social needs of others and consider how they feel about themselves when they are around you.

[Dev]

As someone who makes terrible first impressions, this was very useful. The main point that I got from it was that being intentional about your first interactions with people lets you share the real you, instead of a random part of you that could lead to misrepresentation.

I don’t enjoy self-help books very much, so it helped that it was short.

[Webb The Bookish (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠) · Rating 4 out of 5]

First-time interactions can be a daunting prospect, especially in high-stakes situations. Whether it’s a first client meeting, a job interview, or a first date, the pressure to leave a good first impression puts our social skills to the test. The ensuing anxiety may cause us to fall out of character and send unintended messages that end up reflecting poorly on us.
Drawing from a rich collection of observations and insights, this book makes a remarkable attempt to:
1. Creates awareness of the four social gifts—appreciation, connection, elevation, and enlightenment—while avoiding the pitfalls that make for a bad first impression.

2. Deconstruct the puzzle of first impressions into seven areas of accessibility, showing interest, topics for conversation, self-disclosure, conversational dynamics, perspective, and sex appeal.

3. Proposes a framework for identifying gaps between how we think we come across and how we are perceived by others, along with strategies to bridge the gaps.

I gleaned valuable insights on being intentional about how and what I communicate without compromising my authenticity.

You can parler sin parler, Hablar sin hablar.

[Douglas Larson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it. Authors Demarais and White have done extensive research into the behavioral patterns we each exhibit and how that gives an impression of who we are to others. An impression that we likely are not aware of. The authors describe how common it is for traits or behaviors we each develop and practice and that each person often considers charming, functional or at least harmless, are often seen by others as annoying, not functional and sometimes a bit extreme.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book that will certainly provide you some insights about yourself and the way others interpret your behaviors during first impressions. With down-to-earth examples that you can relate to, it is a a great way to better understand yourself and will guide you on making the changes that you want to make.

[Jessi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though an interesting book, it took me a long time to read. Basically, some very good advice on how to best present yourself so that people think of you positively. I think the bottom line is that you should concentrate on the other person. There are many specific examples which may prove to be helpful.

[Khawla]

the best thing about this book is that you can check your behaviors at the end of each part and you discovered alot of actions that you shouldn't do or that you should do. once i finish the book i will write again my review.

[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my all-time favorite books. It gives some practical & sound advice. In the beginning, it may seem like reading a psychology book but it gets more personal later on, which makes it such an invaluable read.

[Nouf · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice book although I didn't finish it maybe because of the number of questions or tables that I have to fell , and because it's a kind of book that you don't have to read at once... you just want to go and come back to it perhaps.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book if you enjoy introspection and learning how to understand people better as well as how you can interact to help you form better relationships. Fun read! I recommend it.

[Basmah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Starts out strong and intriguing then you lose interest after they've covered the important points and start being "Interactive" ...If you read it selectively you'll undoubtedly benefit alot

[Carla Parreira]

Melhores trechos: "...As pesquisas psicológicas revelaram que as pessoas dão um peso muito maior às informações iniciais do que às posteriores, quando avaliam as pessoas. Por um motivo simples: as primeiras informações que recebemos sobre qualquer coisa - lugares, pessoas, idéias - influenciam a forma como processamos as informações que vêm depois. Em outras palavras, as pessoas tendem a acreditar que as primeiras coisas que aprendem são a verdade... Se de início você parece distraída e voltada para si mesma, durante muito tempo os outros vão ignorar suas manifestações posteriores de calor humano e interesse. Vão ser necessários muitos comportamentos positivos para superar o impacto de um comportamento inicial negativo... Pode-se presumir que alguém que pareça otimista e alegre seja também esperto, agradável e bemsucedido, embora nunca se tenha tido nenhuma prova da existência destas qualidades naquela pessoa. É o que se chama de 'efeito da auréola'... Esteja você consciente ou não, seu estado de espírito muda as pessoas - a maneira como elas se sentem, o que sentem a seu respeito e o modo como reagem a você. Em qualquer relação você transfere uma parte do seu estado de espírito para aquele com quem está falando. Em sua quase totalidade as pessoas são atraídas por aqueles que mostram ter um astral positivo... O ato de apertar a mão também chamou a atenção dos psicólogos sociais que testaram a qualidade do impacto exercido por um aperto de mão sobre as impressões iniciais a respeito de uma pessoa. Segundo suas descobertas, um aperto de mão firme, marcado pela força, vigor, duração, acompanhado de contato através dos olhos, tem realmente um impacto positivo sobre uma primeira impressão. Os pesquisadores também examinaram as diferenças a este respeito entre os dois sexos. Descobriram que mulheres com aperto de mão mais firme são vistas como confiantes e determinadas e causam uma impressão melhor sobre os outros do que mulheres com um aperto de mão flácido. E, surpreendentemente, mulheres com aperto de mão firme são vistas de um modo mais positivo do que homens com aperto de mão com firmeza semelhante. Com base nesses dados, as mulheres fariam bem em dar um aperto de mão firme ao encontrar alguém pela primeira vez... Quando alguém mostra um real interesse por nós, costumamos nos sentir valorizados e compreendidos - este é o principal benefício social que buscamos e ao qual inconscientemente reagimos em nossas relações com outras pessoas. Você também tem o poder de fazer essa luz se acender nas outras pessoas. Na verdade, demonstrar um interesse sincero é o modo mais fácil e mais eficiente de causar uma boa impressão inicial. Basta interessar-se e você parecerá interessante... O fato de demonstrar interesse pelos outros também revela algumas coisas sobre você. Mostra que está aberto a um contato e que não é uma pessoa autocentrada. Também mostra que você se sente seguro a respeito de quem é e que mantém a mente suficientemente aberta para compreender o que existe sob a aparência superficial de alguém... Os participantes gostaram mais dos ouvintes silenciosos que os olhavam, sorriam e se inclinavam na sua direção. Então, mesmo sem dizer nada, o simples fato de olhar, sorrir e se inclinar na direção dos outros fará com que as pessoas gostem mais de você do que se tiver conservado o seu corpo numa postura neutra... Você não precisa dominar muitos assuntos para deixar uma impressão favorável numa primeira conversa. É muito melhor demonstrar curiosidade sobre o que o outro está falando e fizer perguntas. A maior parte das pessoas pode até apreciar a oportunidade de lhe falar sobre um assunto de que gostam... Se um homem se abre com você num primeiro encontro, tome nota deste fato. Isso pode indicar que ele espera dar continuidade ao relacionamento ou que ele acredita que você gostou dele... Cometemos o erro fundamental de generalização quando achamos que um comportamento específico de uma pessoa define toda a sua personalidade, em vez de atribuí-lo a uma situação particular. Para corrigir isso, tente se lembrar de como as situações desempenham papel importante no modo como as pessoas se comportam e se sentem. Procure na situação ou ambiente em que se encontraram um motivo que possa ter provocado aquela atitude... Outro preconceito que se cria é o que ocorre quando acreditamos que certos comportamentos e características estão ligados entre si... Certos comportamentos podem deflagrar toda uma série de lembranças e suposições que estão mais relacionadas com a pessoa que você conheceu no passado do que com a que acaba de encontrar..."

[Jaime · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you don't make a good impression, or if you don't know what a good impression is, this book would certainly be helpful. But for me... I abandoned this book at 60%. It's a case of, I can see it is a good book; it just isn't for me. There are certainly things I can work on to improve my first impression, but this was so basic that it dragged and I was incredibly bored.( I have a degree in interpersonal communications, so maybe this contributed to my attitude about the book being too basic.)

I thought the questions for self-evaluation were useful. The examples were also nice for warming up what otherwise would have been too dry. We read this for book club and it made for a good discussion.

[Miss Lilli · Rating 1 out of 5]

Perhaps the problem is that I teach writing; the hook failed with me. I don't like it when the author keeps telling me what they are going to tell me. For example, when the author keep writes, "In chapter 1, you will learn......" or "we will get to topic B after we discuss topic A." This is crazy making for me. Get to the subject of your book. I didn't pick it up for you to tell me what it is going to be about. I have an idea of the contents or I'd not have selected it. Author, you don't need to over sell your book.

So I quit reading the book sooner than any book I've reviewed to date.

Personally, I like Dale Carnegie's book, How to make friends......I might read that again.

[Phil Calandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

The basic premise of this book is that first impressions are paramount in certain situations. As the author states, for example, business deals can be made or broken and first dates can or cannot become second dates on the basis of an initial impression. The author also states that first impressions should reflect the "real" you and that most people don't know how thy are really seen by others. The author presents strategies in terms of how we can present an accurate perception of ourselves. Although this book makes some excellent points, it is very basic and most people are already familiar with its basic tenets.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really helpful to understand not only what kind of impression you make, but also gain a better perspective on other people's communication style. It helped me understand how others will perceive me through my conversation style, body language and topics I talk about. I feel like I need to open up more to people and not judge people when they talk about things that may be boring to me, but they are extremely passionate about.

This is a book that will help you see social situations differently and help you approach them in a way that makes a better first impression.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this would be more about body language and perhaps about word choice. It does have that but that represents a small portion of the book. Much of the book discusses things like how much to disclose about yourself, topics to discuss and sexual communication. Its difficult enough to remember to pay attention and maintain good posture that worrying about all these little things seems unlikely

[Mhd · Rating 4 out of 5]

كما يُقال: "المكتوب واضح من عنوانه"

إلا أنني أودّ أن أضيف نقطتين:
1- السلوكيات المذكورة في الكتاب لا تختص باللقاء الأول وحسب (وإن كان التأكيد على اللقاء الأول). فيمكن استخدامها بشكل دائم.
2- مَن لديهم علاقات اجتماعية متميزة، هم غالباً يطبقون السلوكيات المذكورة في الكتاب، لذلك لن تكون جديدة عليهم، إلا أنهم قد يتفاجؤون بتلك السلوكيات التي جعلتهم متمكنين اجتماعياً، لذا لابأس بإلقاء نظرة على عناوين الفقرات حتى من قِبل أولئك الذين يرون أنفسهم أنهم يبلون بلاءً حسناً.

[Chrissann Nickel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can’t remember how this book got on my to-read list. I’m pretty certain I heard it mentioned by Vanessa Van Edwards of “Captivate” or by Gretchen Rubin. I love them both and all of the research they do on human behavior, so I picked it up even though I may not have otherwise.

This book, however, was pretty basic with nothing that revelatory being shared. If you struggle socially, you may find some useful nuggets in it.

[Jacob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good Basic Advice

There isn't anything particularly surprising here, but why would there be, given the subject matter? Nevertheless, the advice in this book is really solid, frequently backed up with research, and thought-provoking. It definitely has me thinking about how I can make a better first impression.

[Bisher Tarazi · Rating 3 out of 5]

These two authors talk about a very important thing when it comes to business and life, however, the divided the first interview into four important parts and how we should do the balance between them, moreover they talked about other personal behaviours that we should be aware of, I do recommend this book if you are still young and flexible to change as you need to understand these concepts.

[Debra Daniels-Zeller · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has so much interesting information, its definitely on my to-read-again shelf. The details that annoy or attract people and what kinds of behavior creates good first impressions--this book has so much going for it. The authors also offer lots of ideas for changing behaviors. It's a great book to read and then observe yourself and others initial interactions. It's hard to think of a person who wouldn't benefit from reading this book.