Hvad vi kan lære af katte

by Marie Hougaard

Nanna er single og sidst i trediverne. Hun er træt af dates, træt af sine veninders snak om køkkenrenovering og renten på deres banklån.

Mest af alt er hun træt af, at et af livets store spørgsmål står og blinker: Skal hun være mor eller skal hun ikke?

En dag møder hun Asger ved køledisken i Netto. De var ungdomskærester, men har ikke set hinanden i tyve år, og nu er Asger nyligt fraskilt og har to døtre.

Sammen genoplever de deres ungdoms forelskelse og bliver hurtigt et par. Da spørgsmålet om moderskab igen melder sig hos Nanna, gør Asger det klart, at han har fået de børn, han skal have.

Nanna ved ikke hvordan hun skal tackle det. Skal hun opgive drømmen om moderskab for kærlighedens pris? Og er det overhovedet hendes drøm at blive mor?

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Danish

256 pages, ebook

Published January 1, 2025

Reviews

[Charlotte Ceejay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Jeg vil gerne starte med at sige, at jeg stadig ikke ved, hvad vi kan lære af katte. Og det er altså lidt et problem, når det er bogens titel. Jeg ventede hele tiden på, at en kat skulle dukke op og levere en form for livsvisdom. Den gjorde den ikke. Kattene er mest stemning. Metaforer. Ubrugelige. Lidt ligesom bogens konklusion.

Hvad vi kan lære af katte tager fat i et tema, jeg faktisk synes er virkelig relevant: spørgsmålet om børn. Vil man dem oprigtigt – eller er det bare samfundets forventninger, der larmer? Er kernefamilien et frit valg eller det eneste accepterede narrativ? Jeg håbede helt ærligt, at jeg ville blive klogere af at læse den her bog. Det blev jeg ikke.

Nanna er sidst i trediverne, single, træt af dates og endnu mere træt af veninder, der taler om køkkenrenoveringer og realkreditlån (relaterbart). Hun møder Asger i Netto (romantisk), de genoptager deres ungdomsforelskelse, og selvfølgelig har han allerede fået de børn, han skal have. Konflikten er sat op. Jeg er klar.

Og her begynder min frustration for alvor. For bogen kredser og kredser og kredser om spørgsmålet: Skal Nanna have et barn? Er det hendes drøm? Er det samfundets? Skal hun vælge kærligheden? Skal hun vælge moderskabet? Skal hun vælge sig selv? Jeg tænkte: yes, lad os tage den.

Men nej. Vi tager den ikke. Vi går rundt om den. Vi stirrer på den. Vi aer den blidt. Og så… slutter bogen.

Jeg er med på, at det måske er pointen. At livet ikke altid giver svar. Men når man skriver en hel roman om ét centralt spørgsmål og så nægter at tage stilling til det, ikke engang i form af et åbent, men meningsfuldt valg, så føler jeg mig lidt snydt.

Så hvad kan vi lære af katte? Aner det ikke.
Hvad lærte jeg af bogen? At man godt kan skrive 250 sider om et vigtigt emne uden at komme nogen vegne.

⭐️ 2,5/5 stjerner. Fordi temaet er relevant, sproget er fint, men fordi bogen aldrig rigtig tør tage ansvar for sit eget spørgsmål.

[Kirstine]

Virkelig bizart, men også opløftende, at læse en bog der handler om præcis hvad der foregår i mit eget liv. At stå et sted i livet, hvor alting ikke lige har flasket sig og tingene bare har givet sig selv, og pludselig skulle vælge, virkelig hardcore VÆLGE, hvad du vil, og vælge det alene. Skal man blive mor eller ikke blive mor? Sværeste fucking spørgsmål i verden, og jeg har lige så få svar som Nanna har til sidst i bogen. Ikke andet end at det ikke er en god idé, at finde sammen med en person, der har børn, men som ikke vil have flere af dem. Der kunne man da godt have ønsket, man havde læst den her bog for 3 år siden, før man selv gav sig i kast med det projekt. Men det er heller ikke et rationelt valg. Kærligheden kommer og måske giver den dig noget, måske tager den noget fra dig.

Det er opløftende at vide man ikke er alene, og betryggende at andre kan sætte ord på aspekter af oplevelsen, som man ikke selv har formået at konkretisere. Jeg var ikke så sprogligt vild med bogen, men indholdet ramte mig lige hvor jeg er.

[Emma Vilhelmsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Elsker Marie Hougaards bøger, og den her er ingen undtagelse. Var ret vild med kattemetaforen, og hvordan den passer så fint på resten af fortællingen. Var dog mere fanget af konflikten i ‘Normal opførsel’ end i denne, men slugte den stadig; derfor fire stjerner

[Caroline Stadsbjerg]

Samme vibe som Kun til navlen og Undskyld jeg kommer for sent, om at stå lidt udenfor kernefamilien og formlen for det gode liv, men at ønske sig et godt liv alligevel (hvordan??), det er så kompliceret og gør ondt, kan virkelig mærke det. Mega fin bog

[Christina Bendix · Rating 3.5 out of 5]

Meget hyggelig og letlæst. Marie Hougaard skriver godt, men jeg blev ikke sådan ægte grebet af denne. Synes at temaet er relevant, men jeg savnede lidt en bedre forløsning.

Måske 3,5 stjerner

[Maren Lemb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Følte hjertesorgen og tvivlen helt inde i hjertet 💘 dog følte jeg ikke det med katte så meget, og synes ikke sproget var lige finurligt og rammende som i Normal Opførsel

[Louise Eltved Krogsgård · Rating 4 out of 5]

Elsker Marie Hougaards bøger. Endnu en helt fantastisk skarp bog

[Laura Petersen · Rating 4 out of 5]

simpelthen så god en bog, læste den på én dag, men ender med en rigtig mavepuster, så jeg gik lidt trist i seng

[Julie Geertsen · Rating 4.75 out of 5]

Sjov, men rørende. Og virkelig skarp. Elskede særligt én scene med kattene😆

[Mirela Suljic · Rating 4 out of 5]

A deeply emotional and thought-provoking story about love, heartbreak, complicated relationships, and the difficult realization that the future you imagined with someone might not be the future you're actually meant to have.

What I appreciated most about this book was that the characters weren't perfect. Their relationships were messy, their decisions were sometimes frustrating, and their flaws made it difficult to place all the blame on one person. I found myself sympathizing with Nanna while simultaneously questioning some of her choices, which made the story feel much more realistic.

First of all, I want to make something clear: Nanna was far from innocent in the breakdown of their relationship.

She wasn't particularly good at being a stepmother, and I often found myself frustrated by her inability to fully understand and accept that Asger's children would, and absolutely should, come before her. When you enter a relationship with someone who already has children, you also enter a family dynamic that existed long before you arrived. Those children aren't competition for their parent's love or attention, and they shouldn't have to feel as though they are.

Asger had responsibilities that extended beyond being Nanna's partner, and I don't think she always appreciated what that meant in practice. Being a bonus parent isn't easy, and I can understand that it might sometimes feel lonely or frustrating not to be someone's first priority. Those feelings are valid. But so is the reality that children depend on their parents in a way that romantic partners simply don't.

And honestly, I think Nanna could have shown a lot more maturity and understanding in that regard.

I also think it's important to acknowledge that Asger was entitled to question whether Nanna was the right person to build a family with, particularly if he had concerns about how she related to the children he already had. Having a child together wouldn't magically resolve those issues. If anything, it might have made an already complicated family dynamic even more difficult.

HOWEVER, that does not mean I'm letting Asger off the hook.

Because this man ended their relationship on the basis that he didn't want any more children, only to go ahead and have a baby with another woman.

And I'm sorry, but I still cannot get over that.

Let me be very clear: nobody owes anybody a child. Asger had every right to decide that he didn't want more children, just as he had every right to decide that Nanna wasn't the person he wanted to have them with. People are allowed to change their minds, and they're allowed to make different decisions in different relationships.

But having the right to make a decision doesn't mean that decision cannot be deeply hurtful to someone else.

What bothers me isn't necessarily that Asger eventually had another child. It's the fact that not wanting more children was such a defining reason for ending his relationship with Nanna.

Imagine being told that the person you love cannot give you the future you want because they simply don't want any more children. You have to accept that, even if it breaks your heart. You have to come to terms with the fact that love isn't always enough when two people want fundamentally different things.

And then that same person goes on to have another child with someone else.

How could that not make you question everything?

Was it genuinely about not wanting more children? Did he simply change his mind? Or was the real issue that he didn't want to have children with Nanna specifically?

And here's where I think the situation becomes especially complicated, because considering Nanna's struggles with being a bonus mother, I can actually understand why Asger might not have wanted to bring another child into their relationship.

His existing children deserved to feel loved, secure, and prioritized. If he felt that Nanna couldn't fully embrace that responsibility, I wouldn't blame him for having doubts about their future together.

But if that was the underlying issue, I wish it had been addressed more directly.

Because there's a significant emotional difference between being told, "I don't want any more children," and "I don't think we're right for each other or that having a child together would be the right decision."

Neither conversation would have been easy, but at least the latter would have acknowledged the actual problems within their relationship, assuming those were indeed his reasons.

Of course, we can't know for certain whether Asger changed his mind later or whether his decision was always influenced by their relationship dynamic. And I don't think it's fair to automatically assume that he deliberately misled Nanna.

Still, I can't help feeling angry on her behalf.

At the same time, I don't think Nanna was entirely fair to Asger either. She wanted a particular future with him, but she sometimes seemed to struggle with accepting the family he already had. You cannot realistically expect someone to build a new family with you while treating their existing responsibilities as an inconvenience.

And that, to me, is what makes their relationship so interesting to reflect on.

Nanna wasn't necessarily wrong for wanting more from their relationship, and Asger wasn't necessarily wrong for being unwilling to give it to her. But they were both responsible for how they handled that incompatibility.

Ultimately, I think they were two people who wanted different things, struggled to understand each other's perspectives, and perhaps held on to a relationship longer than they should have.

I genuinely appreciated that this story allowed me to feel sympathy for Nanna without having to defend every decision she made. She could be selfish, unreasonable, and frustrating, while still deserving compassion for the heartbreak she experienced.

Likewise, Asger could be a devoted father who rightly prioritized his children while still being a deeply frustrating romantic partner.

Those things aren't mutually exclusive.

And perhaps that's where the title becomes particularly meaningful. What can we learn from cats?

Maybe it's that love shouldn't require us to abandon ourselves, that boundaries matter, and that affection cannot be demanded. Cats love on their own terms, and perhaps Nanna and Asger both had something to learn from that.

Nanna needed to understand that loving Asger meant accepting the children who were already part of his life, rather than expecting to become the center of his universe. She needed to recognize that love isn't about competing for someone's attention or demanding a particular place in their priorities.

Asger, on the other hand, needed to recognize that having boundaries and making decisions about his own future didn't absolve him of the responsibility to consider how those decisions affected someone who loved him.

And perhaps most importantly, both of them needed to understand that loving someone doesn't automatically mean you're right for each other.

Cats don't seem particularly concerned with becoming what others expect them to be. They know when to seek affection, when to establish boundaries, and when to walk away. There's something rather beautiful about that independence, and perhaps something we humans could learn from it.

Maybe the lesson isn't simply about learning to love someone else better. Maybe it's about learning when to stop compromising ourselves in the hope of being loved the way we want to be.

Because sometimes, the most loving thing you can do, for yourself and for someone else, is to acknowledge that your lives are heading in different directions.

And perhaps that's what I ultimately took away from Nanna's journey: you can love someone deeply, grieve the future you imagined together, and still discover that letting go was the beginning of something better.

I really appreciated the emotional complexity of this story, its imperfect characters, and the way it challenged me to consider perspectives I didn't necessarily agree with.

I would genuinely have given this book five stars, but despite understanding Asger's perspective a little better when I consider Nanna's shortcomings, I still cannot quite forgive him for how everything unfolded.

Four stars for the book, zero stars for my patience with Asger. Although, to be fair, Nanna tested that patience quite a few times herself.

And maybe that's the final lesson we can learn from cats: know your worth, respect other people's boundaries, and never beg someone to choose you.

[Marie Bocian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yndlings forfatter. Var i chok over slutningen. 10/10

[Solveig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lowkey min største frygt i livet..

[Simone Dyring · Rating 4.5 out of 5]

4,5 ⭐️

[Pia Rosenkilde · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hvad vi kan lære af katte af Marie Hougaard ~

Det er meget sjældent, at jeg ikke kan slippe en lydbog, som jeg normalt kun lytter til for at være proaktiv på mine lange gåture 🐕🐕 men, Hvad vi kan lære af katte måtte jeg høre færdig samme dag. Kæmpe ros til oplæseren @msditlevsen som gør det fremragende.

Jeg elsker forfatterens sprog og tone. Jeg elsker letheden og måden hun med det samme får læseren trukket ind i protagonistens univers. Der er lidt Nynne over Nanna, der leder efter kærligheden og stiller sig selv spørgsmålet om hun vil være mor, især da hun møder Asger, der har fået de børn, han skal have.

Nanna kæmper lidt med det hele og veninderne, som er et helt andet sted i livet, er ikke den store hjælp.

Og hvad kan vi så lære af katte? Måske at de tager moderskabet på sig, uden et kny, men de stikker også af så snart nogen glemmer at lukke døren?

Jeg synes, den var skøn, også uden at gå et spadestik dybere, fordi netop det at man ikke altid får svar på sine spørgsmål og ikke kan planlægge alt og vide alt med sikkerhed på livets vej, gør det værd at leve. I min optik.

#hvadkanvilæreafkatte #mariehougaard

[Christina Them · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fin lille perle om at være midt i livet og skulle finde videre vej til hvordan fremtiden skal forme sig - og så om en lille kat, der har en mere ukompliceret tilgang til livet .

Synes Marie Hougaard skriver så let, ukompliceret og alligevel mærkbart - virkelig glad for alle hendes bøger

[Pernille Lund Madsen]

Velskrevet, indlevende, interessant emne. Blev irriteret på fortælleren undervejs. Hendes manglende interesse i Asgers børn og hvor uforstående hun var over, at deres behov selvfølgelig kommer før en ny kæreste.

[Caroline Wedel Thrane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Det jeg sidder tilbage med, er at tænke, øv hvor var ham Asger dog irriterende. Synes ikke slutningen var så godt afrundet. Alt i alt var bogen meget som andre samtidsromaner om københavnske kvinder i 30’erne.

[Ellen Johanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Skøn bog med en meget overraskende slutning.

[Katrine · Rating 4 out of 5]

"For hvis man smiler længe nok, kan det blive en sandhed"

[Eline · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5

[Shorn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Det var en hyggelig bog, men jeg sad hele tiden med følelsen af at jeg havde læst eller set det før.
Der var desværre intet nyt til emnet ellerom at være single i 30'erne.

[Clara Maia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Slugte den på 2 dage. Virkelig fangende historie, meget letlæseligt, komisk og tragisk.
God og overraskende slutning

[Marianne N · Rating 3 out of 5]

En kvinde, der jagter en kæreste.

[Signe Johansen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jeg synes Marie Hougaard skriver godt.
Titlen og forsiden er lidt off, synes jeg og jeg havde faktisk overset at det var en bog hun havde skrevet.
Slutningen gjorde mig dog en smule arrig, ved ikke om det var meningen?

[Anne Mette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kan godt lide den måde Marie Hougaard skriver på. Det føles meget let pga den meget luft mellem sætningerne.
Slutningen blev dog nærmest spoilet, da hovedpersonen er i biffen midt i bogen med sin veninde, hvor de ser en film, hvor et par går fra hinanden. Tænkte bogen nok ville ende på samme måde. Alligevel kom der et lille twist på det hele.
Noget føltes meget genkendeligt i den måde, livet er på for hovedpersonen og de dynamikker, der er mellem hende og hendes veninder.