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Strangers in Paradise: How Families Adapt to Wealth Across Generations
An astonishing fact is that the vast majority of the wealthy come from middle-class or working-class backgrounds. Born and raised in modest economic circumstances, they find themselves as adults in the wonderful but unfamiliar world of wealth, like immigrants to a new land. Their adjustment is often harder than they anticipate. Yet awaiting wealth’s newcomers is an even more daunting task: how to raise children and grandchildren successfully in the family’s new world of affluence. Written by a prominent wealth psychologist, Strangers in Paradise takes an innovative approach to the challenges facing wealth’s “immigrants and natives.” Combining clear reasoning with real-world stories, Strangers in Paradise outlines for the first time how the key process for families of wealth - like all immigrant families - is adaptation.
268 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2013
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
March 16, 2022
Interesting perspective about how the nouveou riche deal with their newfound riches. The book’s premise, that most of the wealthy come from middle-class or working-class backgrounds, allows Grubman to draw the analogy that these wealth creators and their inheritor progeny are like immigrants to a new world – or as the title says, “strangers in paradise.”
These immigrants deal with their new surroundings in three ways: 1) denial -- refusing to recognize their newfound wealth and living in denial; 2) assimilation -- ie, spending like nutjobs; 3) integration -- figuring out how to bring their middle class values while still embracing their wealth and figuring out how to actively pass down their values to their children (the values of hard work, earned success, and living generously).
The book has a few fictional case studies which are pretty realistic, as well as suggestions and strategies. It's not beautifully written or super crisp -- but it is an important book for people who find themselves in this fortunate situation.
These immigrants deal with their new surroundings in three ways: 1) denial -- refusing to recognize their newfound wealth and living in denial; 2) assimilation -- ie, spending like nutjobs; 3) integration -- figuring out how to bring their middle class values while still embracing their wealth and figuring out how to actively pass down their values to their children (the values of hard work, earned success, and living generously).
The book has a few fictional case studies which are pretty realistic, as well as suggestions and strategies. It's not beautifully written or super crisp -- but it is an important book for people who find themselves in this fortunate situation.
February 4, 2021
Informative but dry and at times tediously long-winded.
July 3, 2021
Family business
This has been a useful book to help understand how to manage a family business and the wealth it can generate. As a G2, I related to the integrated strategy and the stories of Phil Spinelli. I also have seen the other more negative ways people can approach gaining wealth. Usually with a lack of wanting to educate oneself to understand. This unfortunately is a close to home experience with my brother. My only hope is that I can continue to work to persuade my brother to follow the path that enables long term viability for his family.
This has been a useful book to help understand how to manage a family business and the wealth it can generate. As a G2, I related to the integrated strategy and the stories of Phil Spinelli. I also have seen the other more negative ways people can approach gaining wealth. Usually with a lack of wanting to educate oneself to understand. This unfortunately is a close to home experience with my brother. My only hope is that I can continue to work to persuade my brother to follow the path that enables long term viability for his family.
March 12, 2023
En un tono entre profesor de instituto y usuario intensivo de Linkedin, Gruban nos da un paseo por los "inmigrantes" en el mundo de los ricos y los ultra ricos y sus problemas de adaptación (que suele acabar en deportación). Lo más brillante es la analogía de la inmigración, lo más práctico es como ve los saltos generacionales de los nuevos ricos
February 16, 2022
I always appreciate bringing a frame from one area to another - the immigrant analogy makes a lot of sense. Could have been (even) shorter.
April 10, 2025
pretty common sense to me, the book is not as good as I thought
February 17, 2021
Not a lot of reviews for this book so I'll do my best. Also read along side this was Die with Zero: Getting All You Can from Your Money and Your Life.
This book discusses wealth from the lens of immigration, and for discussions purposes to think of it as "the Land of Wealth." People migrate there from working or middle class, and find themselves in a new culture they have to navigate.
If nothing else, there's a lot of interesting (to me) discussion around what is wealth, perspectives of wealth based on economic level, and how wealth levels have changed over time. For example:
This book doesn't give money advice. It talks about managing family issues across time and upper income levels.
Perhaps you're eyerolling at this point, but a lot of the problems seem universal: What problems arise when a family finds itself in a culture different from the one the head of the household grew up in? How will their children and grandchildren (if they manage to stay wealthy, which is unlikely) relate to those cultures, and what challenges unique to them will they run into?
The majority of the book is about having honest communication with children and grandchildren about money, perspectives on money, and not being paternalistic. The author rails against over-controlling trust funds, given too late to older adults to be effective. Instead, they recommend more open giving, much earlier, so that it could be put to better use.
The other parts emphasize integration, not assimilation into "the Land of Wealth" by being deliberate about what values from their old home (working/middle class) they want to keep and what new values they'd like to integrate.
Finally, there's actually a part 2 of this book. The life of ultra-high-net-worth families, $30 million or more, is entirely unique. The problems emphasized here are so alien, the only way I can think about this is from movies. There's an emphasis on the familial unit, managing the estate together with consistent family meetings. It's almost anthropologic to me, because imaging wealth transfer here is feels so foreign. (and yes, yes, imagine what all the billionaires have to do)
This book discusses wealth from the lens of immigration, and for discussions purposes to think of it as "the Land of Wealth." People migrate there from working or middle class, and find themselves in a new culture they have to navigate.
If nothing else, there's a lot of interesting (to me) discussion around what is wealth, perspectives of wealth based on economic level, and how wealth levels have changed over time. For example:
the three main ways to define wealth are:
– Annual income: the flow of money coming in on a regular basis from any source for spending and other purposes, such as saving, investing, and charity
– Total net worth: the sum of an individual’s assets minus his or her debts and liabilities, what someone owns minus what they owe.
– Investable net worth, not including the value of one’s primary home: the pool of financial assets available to manage as investments, not counting the value of one’s primary residence.
This book doesn't give money advice. It talks about managing family issues across time and upper income levels.
Perhaps you're eyerolling at this point, but a lot of the problems seem universal: What problems arise when a family finds itself in a culture different from the one the head of the household grew up in? How will their children and grandchildren (if they manage to stay wealthy, which is unlikely) relate to those cultures, and what challenges unique to them will they run into?
The majority of the book is about having honest communication with children and grandchildren about money, perspectives on money, and not being paternalistic. The author rails against over-controlling trust funds, given too late to older adults to be effective. Instead, they recommend more open giving, much earlier, so that it could be put to better use.
The other parts emphasize integration, not assimilation into "the Land of Wealth" by being deliberate about what values from their old home (working/middle class) they want to keep and what new values they'd like to integrate.
Finally, there's actually a part 2 of this book. The life of ultra-high-net-worth families, $30 million or more, is entirely unique. The problems emphasized here are so alien, the only way I can think about this is from movies. There's an emphasis on the familial unit, managing the estate together with consistent family meetings. It's almost anthropologic to me, because imaging wealth transfer here is feels so foreign. (and yes, yes, imagine what all the billionaires have to do)
June 12, 2016
Got it from Campbell
What seems like a pretty simple subject examined in an almost insulting way turns out, I believe, to be a very valuable insight into the many of the issues with wealth transfer. Making it is hard. Moving it along without carnage is harder.
What seems like a pretty simple subject examined in an almost insulting way turns out, I believe, to be a very valuable insight into the many of the issues with wealth transfer. Making it is hard. Moving it along without carnage is harder.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews