I found this to be remarkably sage advice from the author's grandfather: "Never be too proud of your youth or your beauty. You did nothing to earn them and you can do nothing to keep them."
And I quite liked this poem by Rupi Kaur that Dr Engeln quotes:
"i want to apologize to all women
i have called pretty.
before i've called them intelligent or brave.
i am sorry i made it sound as though
something as simple as what you're born with
is the most you have to be proud of"
And I've observed this many times: "A beauty-sick culture always, always finds a way to comment on a women's appearance, no matter how irrelevant it is to the matter at hand." Think of newscasters, supreme court justices, politicians, anyone who has to come before the public eye. And think of trolls and flamers who attack on social media, who think anonymity is their license to say any nasty thing they please.
I was drawn to this book by its title because I have observed and experienced this 'sickness' in my own life and amongst family members, my mother, my daughters, and really believe women could accomplish so much more if they were allowed to fully be the truly awesome people they are inside rather than feeling constantly judged on their outer physical attractiveness.
"[Beauty sickness] matters because it's hard to change the world when you're so busy trying to change your body, your skin, your hair, and your clothes. It's difficult to engage with the state of the economy, the state of politics, or the state of the education system if you're too busy worrying about the state of your muffin top, the state of your cellulite, or the state of your makeup. There is work to be done in this world." And we need everyone to be fully engaged.
Dr Engeln, Professor of Psychology at Northwestern University, presents her case well, with personal classroom observation, interviews with various women and academic studies to back up her theories.
She also has some suggestions: Move towards more self-acceptance by weaning yourself from digitally-enhanced, photoshopped images on tv, movies, magazines, and social media. Wean yourself from that mirror obsession and making comparisons to others! Help teach our little girls that attributes like being kind, brave, smart are more important than size and appearance. Break free from body stereotypes with deliberate intent and perseverance! Watch what you say to others. If you wouldn't say it to a guy, don't say it to a woman. "Compliments about appearance don't actually seem to make girls and women feel better about how they look. Instead, they're just reminders that looks matter."
Although I feel this book has an important message, it became a bit repetitive. I wish Dr Engeln had expanded her expose to other areas of our society where beauty prejudice may be at work. And as an older reader, I was hoping she would delve into the experience of reaching old age in this youth-enamored culture. The closest she came to that subject was mentioning the fears of the young about aging, discovering a few grey hairs, etc. What will happen when these beauty-obsessed young women actually GET old and find they have nothing to fall back on? It might be interesting to have that discussion as well.