Ordeal

by Linda Lovelace, Mike McGrady

Good Girl. Obedient Wife.

Porn Slave.

Deep Throat Was Only The Beginning…

Linda Boreman was just twenty-one when she met Chuck Traynor, the man who would change her life. Less than two years later, the girl who wouldn't let her high school dates get past first base was catapulted to fame she could never have imagined in her wildest dreams--or worst nightmares. Linda Boreman of Yonkers, New York, had become Linda Lovelace, international adult film superstar. The unprecedented success of Deep Throat made porn popular with the mainstream and made Lovelace a household name. But nobody, from the A-list celebrities who touted the movie to the audiences that lined up to see it, knew the truth about what went on behind the scenes.

Enslaved by the man who would eventually force her into marriage so that he could control her completely, Linda was beaten savagely with regularity, hypnotized, and raped. She was threatened with disfigurement and death. She was terrorized into prostitution at gun and knifepoint. She was forced to perform unspeakable perversions on film. She made Deep Throat under unimaginable duress.

Years later, Linda would come out of hiding to relate her side of the story--a modern horror tale of humiliation, betrayal, and violence that would rock the porn industry and put its teller in fear for her life...

Ordeal

Linda Lovelace became a household name in 1972, when Deep Throat became the first pornographic movie ever to cross over into the mainstream. Due to the success of Deep Throat, she appeared in Playboy, Bachelor, and even Esquire between 1973 and 1974. Soon after, Lovelace joined in with anti-pornography feminists led by Andrea Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon, and she testified before Attorney General Meese's Commission on Pornography in 1986. She died in Denver on April 22, 2002, due to severe injuries in a car accident.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Autobiography, Feminism, True Crime, Biography Memoir

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1980

About the author

Linda Susan Boreman, better known by her stage name Linda Lovelace, became famous after starring in the 1972 hardcore porn film Deep Throat. She later became a spokeswoman for the anti-pornography movement.

Deep Throat was notable for beginning a brief fad of porn chic; it was also the inspiration for Bob Woodward's name of his secret Watergate source, W. Mark Felt. Boreman later stated that she regretted her pornographic career and was coerced into pornography by her then-husband, Chuck Traynor.

Reviews

[Manny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yesterday, I reviewed Inside Linda Lovelace, one of the books Lovelace wrote while she was still inhabiting the personality of the sex-toy 60s porn star. I consider I am honour bound also to review Ordeal, the book she wrote after leaving the porn industry. It's a very disquieting read. Lovelace completely denies all her earlier testimony. She says that, for years, she was regularly raped and brutalised by her partner, Chuck Traynor. Traynor controlled every aspect of her life and forced her into prostitution and pornography. Any time she objected, he threatened to kill her. When she needed to make a phone call, he would hold a loaded gun pointed at her while she talked. It is a little difficult to reconcile the two versions. Given that she admits to having systematically lied for years, one of course wonders whether this book isn't just more lies. Maybe her new life was being controlled by the feminist anti-porn movement in as cynical a way as her old life was controlled by Traynor.

Well, I was thinking that earlier today, and literally a couple of minutes later the morning paper arrived. Let me copy in the story that appeared at the bottom of page 1 of The Guardian:

At midnight on 28 November last year, Sarah made the phone call she says she thought would save her life. After nine years of abuse from a man she describes as so controlling that she wasn't allowed her own purse, let alone bank card or driving licence, she had finally been pushed over the edge.

Minutes earlier, as she tells the story, she had been held down and savagely raped by her husband, Ray, again. When he went downstairs to have a cigarette, she dialled 999 and whispered to the operator what had happened. Waiting for the police to arrive, she feared Ray would kill her, but when the officers came and eventually found him hiding in woods nearby, she thought the worst was over and she would finally be safe. Ray would go to jail and she could make a new life for herself and their children.

But on 5 November, almost exactly a year later, she was the one in the dock, being told by a judge that she was going to prison. And as she made her way in a van from Mold crown court in north Wales to start an eight-month sentence at Styal prison in Cheshire, Ray was waiting at the school gates to pick up the children. Ray pleaded not guilty to the rape charges and the Crown Prosecution Service subsequently decided to discontinue proceedings against him.

On Tuesday, Sarah was released on appeal, on the orders of the lord chief justice, Lord Judge, the most senior member of the judiciary in England and Wales. There should be, said Judge, "a broad measure of compassion for a woman who had already been victimised". She had served 18 days.

Sarah had been convicted of perverting the course of justice after retracting what Judge said was a "truthful" allegation that Ray had raped her six times. To many people, a rape retraction would be a clear sign of a damaged woman under pressure from a manipulative partner. But to the CPS, Sarah was perverting the course of justice.

On Thursday night, she sat down and spoke to the Guardian for two hours from her older sister's house in Powys, mid-Wales. Judge had ordered her not to return to her own home, occupied by Ray and the children she hasn't spoken to since 5 November, when she told them she was going for some Christmas shopping; in reality she was heading to court to hear her sentence.

"Leaving those kids that morning was the most heart-wrenching thing I've had to do in all my life," said Sarah. "I remember kissing my eldest before they went to school and I wanted to kiss the youngest before they went to nursery, but I couldn't, I had to get in the car. I didn't want them to see me upset."

Sarah is 28, but she looks 10 years older after spending, as she describes it, almost all of her adult life submitting to the wishes of a man who terrifies her. She picks her words carefully, apologising when she can feel tears coming, continually calling herself "stupid" and "foolish" for mistakes she says she has made. Her voice does not waver as she details years of abuse, but she avoids eye contact, staring straight ahead with dull eyes as she calmly details "a year of hell".

At 11:30am last Tuesday, Sarah was working in Styal's prison garden when a guard told her that her barrister was on the phone.

"I was a little bit excited, thinking that the judge in London would maybe actually see what I had been through and see it for what it was and decide not to punish me any more," she said. "I felt personally that I had been let down seriously." When the lord chief justice's judgment came though shortly after noon, her happiness was tempered with anger.

"Don't get me wrong," she said, "I'm glad the judge let me out of Styal. But I haven't been let out without a punishment and yet I shouldn't have been punished at all."

When Judge quashed her custodial sentence, he replaced it with a community sentence and a supervision order for two years. Though she is now free, she has a criminal record.

A spokesperson for the CPS said: "Prosecutors are acutely aware of the difficulties some complainants face in reporting rape and supporting a prosecution. We recognise the sensitive and complex issues around domestic abuse and sexual violence. Decisions to prosecute women who report rape are taken only after very careful consideration of the evidence and public interest requirements and are never taken lightly.

"We will carefully consider the court of appeal's judgement, and particularly any comments that relate to our conduct of the case, with a view to determining any action that is required."

A police spokesperson said: "Dyfed-Powys police, in line with national requirements, treat, and will continue to treat, all allegations of sexual assaults seriously. The officers involved in the case would be happy to discuss and address any concerns the victim has directly between each other."

Ray, meanwhile, is holed up in the matrimonial home, refusing pleas from Sarah's family to stick to a plan agreed in conjunction with a liaison officer from Barnardo's before she was sentenced. This formal but not legally binding agreement stipulated that her sister would care for the children in the event that Sarah was sent down.

Ever since she went to the police to allege rape last year, the children had lived with Sarah in the family home, but Ray was allowed to see them regularly with agreement. But it was allowing him this contact which, Sarah believes, was her downfall. "He used them to get me," she said.

Ray was not afraid to draw the children into the most harrowing scenes. "After he raped me, before I called 999, I was sitting by the side of the bed in tears, and he went and woke up our oldest child, pulled them into the bedroom and said, 'Look at the state of your mother. She's called the police and the police are going to come and take daddy away'," said Sarah.

When the police did come and take Ray away, the confused children, dressed in pyjamas and their dressing gowns, were bundled into the back of a police car and taken to a friend's house. Sarah was taken to a sexual assault referral centre in Shrewsbury, where she was photographed, forensically examined and interviewed on video.

Initially, she says, the police were very good. Charges were swiftly brought against Ray, and he was remanded in custody. It was while he was on remand that Sarah believes the first key mistake was made: he was allowed to write emotional letters to the children, telling them what a "horrible" place prison was.

"At Styal prison and, I assume, every prison, they have to read all the letters that go out and all the letters that come in," said Sarah. "So if those letters had been checked by the proper people, they should have known why he was in there and looked at the address where the incident happened and looked at the address where the letters were being sent and quite obviously seen what was going on there. There were, I think, four letters that came through the children. It wasn't just one that slipped through the net."

After three weeks on remand, Ray was let out on bail, just in time for Christmas.

His bail conditions stipulated that he should have no contact with Sarah nor visit the matrimonial home. But before long, he was calling and texting, asking her to bring the children round to his mother's house to see him. "He asked me to come because he had hurt his hand and he couldn't pick up the youngest," said Sarah.

"He said he had no support from his family, that none of them were about and I wanted to help so I very foolishly took the kids down. But it was quite obvious, as soon as I had set foot in that house, that he didn't want to see the kids, that it was me he wanted to see.

"At one stage he wanted to give me a hug; he started crying and saying sorry for what he had done to me."

And so, said Sarah, he wangled his way back. "It was the usual thing: 'I'm so sorry, I promise I won't hurt you again.' Every time I get sucked back in. I wasn't strong enough. I was in a very vulnerable state. He said how horrible prison was.

"He was telling me about drug dealers coming off their drugs and cutting their arms and there being blood all over the cells, horrible things like that, which made me, even though it wasn't my fault he had raped me, it made me feel in a way guilty because I had rung 999 and I had put him there."

She continued. "He told me he didn't want to go back there and he had been told by his solicitor that he was looking at a lot of years. And that's when the first slip happened, when he said I was going to have to go to the police station and tell them I didn't want to take it any further.

"So I rang the CID police officer who had dealt with my case, and he said: 'From the moment you dialled 999 to just before Ray got bail, you were doing everything we asked you to. And from the moment he got bail, he got to you.'

But if they had an inkling that he was getting to me you would have thought, surely to god, that they would have stepped up the emotional support. But there was no extra support, no nothing."

There were numerous warning signs for the police that Ray was controlling her, she says. "I remember one time [after she had been charged with perverting the course of justice] a police officer said to me, 'So where's your purse, where's your bank cards?' and I said, 'He's got them all'. He asked why and I said, 'Because he keeps everything'. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere on my own. Ray had to take me. I didn't have my own handbag, my own wallet - nothing.

"I remember once wanting to get my driving licence, and my dad said to Ray, 'she needs to get her licence, it would be so much easier so she could come and go and you wouldn't have to take her to all these places.' And he swung round to my dad and said: 'Yeah, but if she gets her licence I won't know where she is.'"

Though Sarah told the police she wanted to drop the charges in January last year, the CPS said they were continuing with the case against Ray. Then came an "out of the blue" visit from Ray's sister, Janine, who told Sarah it would be "very helpful" if she were to not only drop the charges but confess to "making it all up".

By this point, Ray and Sarah's relationship was "half back on" - "for the sake of the children" says Sarah - and they had had consensual sex over the Christmas period. Janine handed Sarah the phone and she called the police. She said she had been lying and that he hadn't raped her. When they told her she would have to make a formal statement, the sister drove her to the police station.

No one really believed the rapes had been a fiction of her imagination, she says. "It was horrible because I knew the police officers and the solicitors believed that the rapes did happen but the CPS wanted to prosecute me for perverting the course of justice.

"It was unbelievable. I remember going in and seeing my solicitor and finding out what course of action they were going to take and I was in tears coming out of the police station.

"I still can't get my head around the fact that the police officers and my solicitor knew damn well I had been raped and even when I rang the main CID person and said the rapes did happen as I had originally said, he said: 'I just thought it was only a matter of time before you came to me and said yes, they did happen.' Still to this day I can't get my head around it."

She wishes that she had stood her ground after plucking up the courage to call 999.

"I regret greatly not staying stronger and going through with the trial in May. I really do, even to this day. It upsets me a great deal that after that horrific ordeal, he's got away with it. It does worry me greatly. I feel sorry for the next woman that he meets. I hope they see him for what he really is because I don't want them to have to go through what I did," she said.

When asked what she wants from the future, it is clear her own ambitions are modest: "I want to get my kids back and get my house back and get my life back. To start to live again. I used to be a very independent person but I've got no confidence left. I've got to rebuild all that.

"I just want to be happy. At the end of the day, that's all I want. Am I really asking too much?"

Linda, I'm sorry for doubting you. You were a little late getting there, but I think you were giving us the plain facts.

[Yasmin Butt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly the most upsetting autobiography I've ever read.

I read it when I was in my teens and it appalled me the life this poor woman led. I'm not anti-porn at all, but I am 100% anti-coercion and exploitation. Love and sex are gifts, not means of abuse. Rating this as 5 stars to say I really liked it feels all kinds of wrong. I didn't like it, it messed me up for a while, but reading it was eye-opening and it blew my mind, that a man, Chuck Traynor, was capable of doing this to another person. She was abused, degraded, threatened, raped and completely kept a prisoner by him for years. Just awful : (

I absolutely hated the man after reading this book, back then I had visions of finding him and kicking the crap out of him I was that angry. In a weird way I was very relieved to hear he was now dead. My heart breaks for Linda Boreman aka Linda Lovelace. I know they are making a few movies about her life, it will be a travesty if the truth isn't depicted as she described. I've got no reason to doubt the veracity of her account. I know she's had her detractors. She was a victim through and through. Her strength though was surviving and living to tell the tale, here.

[Serena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking.

[Evan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I happened to be reading this harrowing memoir of the now-deceased '70s pornstar, Lovelace, at the same time I was reading Sir B.H. Liddell Hart's history of World War II, and it occurred to me that if space aliens had gotten hold of both these books and done the same reading they might easily conclude that Lovelace's sexually abusive and violent Svengali husband/exploiter, Chuck Traynor, was a far worse human being than Adolf Hitler.

There's been a lot of scuttlebutt throught the years about the reliability of Lovelace's testimony in this book or the extent of possible embellishments by her co-author/ghostwriter, Mike McGrady, but there seems to be enough corroboration out there to essentially back up her claims about the horridness of her then-husband-manager Chuck Traynor and his volcanic-controlling-exploitative-bullying ways. In the book she more-or-less presents herself as Little Red Riding Hood lured into prostitution and porn by Big Bad Wolf Traynor and the seeming impossibility of her escaping him, and regardless of how much of it is fiction the thing is such a twisted and seedy page-turner that I have to give it due props for being a "good read." It sure made my return plane flight from vacation entertaining. It is chock full of whacked sex (with dogs, too) and gossipy tidbits about Hugh Hefner, Sammy Davis Jr., and more, and I dare you to let it drop from the fingers of your prurient little self once started.

[Trav Rockwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ordeal' such confronting reading.

I never heard of Linda Lovelace until I picked up her book 'ordeal' and read the blurb, it sounded like an interesting story however I didn't realise how shocking it would be. I really do feel for Linda Lovelace and the book at times was very hard to read. After finishing the book I was inspired to do more research and soon found there were many mixed opinions about Lovelace and the 'real' story of what actually happened. From my research I do believe that 'ordeal' is the actual true account of Linda Lovelace's life. A short and painful life she lived, Such a strong woman to get through it all.

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't put this down! This is the first memoir I have ever read about someone in the porn industry. Is it an amazing story? No, not really, but it was definantly interesting. If what she says is true then she definantly titled this book correctly because that was definantly an ordeal.
I for one would have let the perverts kill me before I would submit to some of the things Linda did. She says that what happened to her could happen to anyone, but I disagree. I would have never allowed someone to treat me the way that Chuck treated her. Most women would run as fast and far as they can to get away from someone like him. I know that this took place in a time when police were reluctant or flat out refused to become involved in domestic disputes as they used to label spouse abuse. I don't care, police or not I would be running for my life.
I can't decide if I believe everything in this book, but it does have an eerie ring of truth to it. She went ahead and turned against porn even though she was being offered million dollar contracts. I have never been in a porno (of course), and would be totally uncomfortable naked and intimate in front of people, but for a million dollars I would do it (as long as it's not a dog). That might be a low moral decision, but that kind of money would change my life. Something bad had to happen for her to say no when that kind of money could have changed her life as well. It definantly leaves me believing that she never wanted that type of life in the first place.

[Cheyenne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was brutal to read. It is 10 PM. I have just finished reading Ordeal and I am speechless. This book lives up to the title in every single way. I was disgusted at so many intervals of this book, I was shocked to my very core. After reading this book you grasp the agony that Linda lived with for years, you understand that she was not the woman who revolutionized the porn industry. She was an abused, traumatized (emotionally and physically) for so long that she forgot that she was a human being. I was deeply disturbed at many segments of this memoir, although it was captivating in its disturbance. Anyone who cannot handle shock, I don't recommend this book to you, not at all. People who seek the cold hard truth from the world, this one is for you. I'm sure that there are many empowered women in the porn industry, Linda was not one of them. She was courageous for telling this story, I really appreciate the experience of reading this. Although I am now left with a darkness that will linger with me for days, I am glad I read this book.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard about this book years ago and wouldn't have read it except that a friend of mine wanted to know what I thought of it. This has to be one of the most compelling memoirs even written. In a recent article in Poets and Writers by the son of Mike McGrady (the writer who helped Lovelace with the book), he described how terribly his father and Linda were treated after the publication of the book See, http://www.pw.org/content/the_porn_st.... It wasn't until feminists such as Gloria Steinem and others spoke up in support of Linda Lovelace that people began to have compassion.

Many people, even now, do not believe Linda's story of abuse and virtual slavery at the hands of her husband/manager, Chuck Trainer. The reaction to the book, even among people I know, is a testament to the power of this woman's story and what our interpretation of it says about how we view sex and autonomy.

After "Tess of the d'Urbervilles" by Thomas Hardy was published around 1891, people used to debate about whether or not Tess deserved what happened to her. The attitude being that if a woman is raped it is because she "asked for it." Dinner parties at the time would nearly explode in arguments and as one woman said at the time, "Any person who believes Tess to be a harlot rather than a victim is a person I don't want to know."

I feel the same way about Linda. If you think she enjoyed deep throating, ever, you are nuts.

[Rachel T · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 out of 5 for this reader folks!

How does one even begin to review a book like this? I think this had to be the saddest, most emotional biography book I have ever read. I felt physically ill at certain times through this book at the abuse this woman went through. To come out, and live somewhat a normal life as she did and to be brave enough to put these words out there for people to read renders me speechless.

This is the biography of Linda Lovelace. Linda's pornography film "Deepthroat" was the beginning of mainstream pornography that we have in today's society. The movie Lovelace, recently released, prompted me to research this woman as I had heard bits and pieces before but never the whole story.

Linda had a tormented life. She grew up with an overbearing, cold mother who I believe was the beginning of Linda's downfall (although in all honesty her mother really believed she was protecting her daughter). Linda became pregnant at an early age and was forced to give the baby up for adoption. Trying to get out from under her mother's thumb, she meets Chuck Traynor and is convinced he is her ticket out.

Chuck abuses Linda throughout their entire relationship. He controls her, manipulates her, threatens her, beats her (you can see the bruises on film), scares her and uses her as a cash cow. He also teaches her how to "Deepthroat" which is what is sold as her talent to the pornography business and is what makes her "unique and special". Some of the scenarios described in this book are unbelievable ranging from sex with animals, gangbang, severe BDSM play and prostituted out. She essentially was Chuck's pet who was trained to respond the way he wanted her too.

Linda never received ANY money for the 600 million dollars that "Deepthroat" made. She fought to get away from Chuck many times, and finally was successful.

Before her death, she did get to live a somewhat normal life, married to a good man who was a provider and she also became an activist against pornography. There is a video interview out there that really struck me hard .. she pretty much says, those that watched "Deepthroat" watched my rape over and over again! That brought tears to my eyes!

I am not going to comment on the writing or content of this book .. I was so captivated and horrified by her story that to be honest, I cannot even remember what the structure was like .. maybe that's the sign of a good story .. I don't know!

Do not read this book if you are easily offended. This is a descriptive read and certainly not for the light hearted.

I do hope wherever Linda's soul is now, she is at peace. She certainly deserves it!

[Rachel Yuska · Rating 4 out of 5]

ATTENTION! If you're under 21 y-o, please do not read this review. It contains explicit and graphic sexual descriptions that might be offensive.

I've read many porn stars and ex-porn stars memoirs, but nothing can beat Ordeal. It's the most sadistic and disturbing book I've ever read. 

The story begins when Linda Boreman had a car accident. She met Chuck Traynor who seemed so sweet. Later, Linda found that Chuck is a monster who physically, verbally, and sexually abused her. From then on, her nightmares came to life.

Linda wanted to flee from home. She couldn't stand her abusive mother. Chuck took her home and began pimping her. Linda was a virgin, but then Chuck took her virginity. Chuck had debts and he sold Linda for money. He was always violent, even pointed a gun to Linda, his wife.

Chuck was a perv, a sadomasochist who was aroused everytime Linda was in pain. Then one thing led to another. Linda and Chuck met a pornographer and the rest is history. Linda Boreman became 'Linda Lovelace', a porn icon who got (so-called) respect from people in Hollywood. She's famous of her ability to swallow penis (even the larbe one), just like a performer who can swallow a sword. Apparently, Chuck trained her to relax her throat muscle to do this.

I had to hold my breath while reading this book. There's too many graphic details. Linda was forced to do a scene with a dog, can you imagine? She was beaten and threatened. Chuck always used his weapon, that he would kill whoever got in the way, including Linda's parents. 

So many times, Linda tried to escape, but she failed and went back to Chuck. This always happens to domestic violence victims. They're brainwashed and afraid to meet another monster if they have guts to leave the abuser. They're torn to pieces. Their self esteem was peeled off until they've got nothing and become numb. That's what happened to Linda. She said she's not herself while having sex with strangers. 

Hugh Hefner and Sammy Davis Jr were two of many prominent Hollywood celebrities who put interests on Linda Lovelace. Chuck and Linda were regulars at Hefner's lavish parties. They're allowed to crash at the mansion. Somehow I can relate Hefner to Jay Gatsby. 

In the end, Linda could free herself from Chuck. She met one or two men before settling down to be a housewife. She was against pornography until the car accident took her life in 2002. 

As far as I know, pornography is degrading for women. Many porn stars confessed that they were drugged, abused, and forced to get involve in freaky sexual acts, mostly against their will. Watching porn, to me, is like watching rape in action. I have no desire to see "Deep Throat" even though media claimed it's a cult movie. 
I read this book before I see "Lovelace", Linda's biopic starring Amanda Seyfried. 

Sadly, Linda couldn't find her true love. May her soul rest in peace.

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found out about this book from the documentary, "The Real Linda Lovelace" (which I also highly recommend!). The most moving aspect was that "Linda Lovelace was not a good actress." Nevertheless, "you had to be a good actress to fake her reactions." It is a heartbreaking story about abuses that can simply happen to anyone (and if you think otherwise, you need to educate yourself on the seasoning process). And it is even more heartbreaking to consider that stories such as this are either disbelieved or downplayed to glorify the "happy hooker" mythology.
This book can be triggering/difficult to read at many points. It really is a miracle that Linda Marchiano managed to survive her entire "ordeal." And to just consider how much courage she had to have to come out with her story - especially during the "Golden Age of Porn"... so much respect.
A must read for anyone who still believes the porn/sex industry can be anything but an abusive and exploitative institution (or who actually believes her first books, "Inside Linda Lovelace" is in any way factual).
For, unfortunately, Marchiano's story represents only the majority of those who are trapped in the system.

[Edwina Book Anaconda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book is like coming upon a house on fire or a wreck on the highway, you don't want to look and yet ... you can't look away.
Your heart is racing while your eyes are desperately seeking some sign of life, searching for a survivor amidst all the blood and destruction.
And Linda survives, not only does she survive but she thrives.
After years of living in a nightmare world from the deepest pits of hell, she escapes.
She finds a man who loves her for her, not for the Lovelace Legend.
She has two children and attempts to live a normal happy life.

Sadly, on April 3, 2002, Linda was in a car accident.
She suffered massive trauma and internal injuries.
On April 22, 2002, she was taken off life support.
She died in Denver, Colorado, at the age of 53.

~Rest In Peace, Linda~

[KillerBunny · Rating 4 out of 5]

So freaking good, so much more brutal than expected. But I still need to say that Linda Lovelace personnality made it a bit cringy. She was a saint. She freaking hated sex and she thought porn was the basis of evil. At the same time I do understand where she's coming from, she never really had a great vision of sex because of Chuck Traynor.

[Ietrio · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 out of 5 stars. This is the kind of book which makes ignoring the stupidity of programmers difficult: for Goodreads this ranges from "I don't like it" which is okay to mark disapproval to "it was ok", moving up to "liked it", than "really liked it" and finally "it was amazing". And you have to be sick to give such labels to a story like this one.

This is a story of an abuse. And that makes it culturally relevant. Maya Angelou at one time started on the same path, but with help from a determined family was out. Linda had a christian upbringing to make victimization easier and an imaginary god to fight for her. Meaning she was all alone.

And I think it takes guts to write this story.

[emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of the most heartbreaking memoirs i have read, the fact she died without justice and that the cycle of pornography continues is hitting me so hard. i hope she is at peace, and that everyone who continues to stream her rape dies instantly.

[frazzledsoul · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, that was more information about Sammy Davis Jr than I ever wanted to know.

[Zakaria · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is most likely the most icky, upsetting and saddening autobiography I've ever read.

I've been putting this for years, knowing about Linda's appaling life that was packed with sexual abuse, exploitation and daily beatings from her husband if he ever dares to say no. Linda's life turned into a nightmare the day she ran away from home due to constant malhanding she endured with her conservative mother. Poor Linda thought she was free at last for being under her mother's thumb was such a nuisance. But that doesn't compare to the shit she had to go through with her monster of a husband who pimped her to all sorts of perverts. I still can't wrap my head around the many seedy situation Chuck nudged her into just so he can get some cash in his pocket. I could go on and on about how deplorable Chuck was but that would take me hours to put all into words.

Most of the times I was reading this with eyes wide open, my entier body would turn rigid with anxiety. Her escapes were numerous, However they were sadly unprepared and hasty which lead her into barbaric beatings. I was also revolted about how many directors were willing to pay a great deal of money to film Linda going down with a bloody dog? now that's some weird shit, and the fucked up thing is she actually filmed one with Chuck pointing a gun at her..

Disturbing is the right word to label this book, I don't think i'll ever have the power to read it again. Bravo to Linda for having the courage to run for her life and for sharing her Ordeal with us all.

FYI : I can't believe Sammy Davis Jr had private classes from Linda to show him how to um give head and Sammy was allowed to display his hard working hidden talent with the help of Linda's husabnd.. that's a new one.

[Bert · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading Ordeal by Linda Lovelace was indeed just that, an ordeal, honestly this would have to be one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve ever had reading a book. I like to think I’m tough as nails when it comes to extreme things but deep down I’m a real softie and reading about stuff like this really breaks my heart.

Much of what she has written in this book has been reputed to be false, many of the people who know/ knew her say that she’s lying and this seems to be something that you hear about quite often, what you don’t hear very often though is that when this book was released she was required to take a polygraph test, which she passed with flying colours. So on one hand it could all be false and on the other hand it’s all true and if it is true well bloody hell, this poor woman went through hell. There were a few times that I thought she seemed to be playing the victim card but then essentially she was a victim, subjected to degradation after degradation anyone would eventually become very bitter. Also towards the end of the book she came off as being a little homophobic which I didn’t appreciate at all but the book was written in a different time so you have to remind yourself that saying things like that was ok back then, certainly not ok now but people wouldn’t have batted and eyelid back in the 80s.

It’s a very sad book and one that I’m glad I read, I don’t think I would ever be able to read it again, more than once I had to put the book down and take a break it got so extreme and personal. Bravo to Linda for having the bravery to tell this story though, I’m sure this kind of thing goes on more often than we’d like to think. A very strong 4.5 stars.

[Rafal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dość wstrząsająca książka. Opisująca życie kobiety, która wbrew sobie stała się ikoną pornobiznesu i bohaterką "kultowego" pornola.
Niestety całość napisana jest tak, że momentami traci na wiarygodności i sprawia wrażenie literackiej zemsty na biznesie i ludziach, którzy ją wykorzystali i porzucili bez grosza. Relacja o głębokiej więzi z Bogiem, który pomógł jej przetrwać pornoniewolę brzmi dziwnie. Tak czy inaczej wygląda na to, że ta zemsta się należała.

[Achtung Englander · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although a compelling first-hand account of abuse and mental (as well as physical) torture, Linda Boreman is such an unreliable narrator.

After completing the book, I read more about her on Wikipedia. She became a staunch feminist and anti-pornography spokesperson, yet she became disillusioned with the movement. They either did not promote her as she had hoped, or they took a path to which she disagreed. So, what did she do next ? She posed in skippy outfits for the pornographic jazz mag "Leg Show". She must have done this for money because in numerous times throughout the book she was never good with money, at first from being controlled by manipulative men and secondly from naivety.

The shuttling between doing porn (from being forced to) to anti-porn (from a desire to cleanse her soul) to doing porn again (out of wish to show liberty and empowerment (go figure !)) makes her an unreliable narrator. Either she was for porn or against it. It is not a problem to change your mind but to do 3 U-turns (maybe even 4 by the end of her life) and to change your stance on pornography by going to the extreme on either side is ridiculous. Talk about a complex character.

Ordeal is a disturbing book as it recounts some of the amoral things she was forced to do. I do not doubt she was forced to do it by her disgusting husband, Chuck Treynor. No women in her right mind would have done some of things she was made to do. A huge amount of credit goes to a woman who can fight back from such low depths and to face the world and tell this story.

Where the book fails to get more credit is from the fact Boreman delves into the seedy aspects of her career and skips the part of the life that led her to Traynor, such as the fact she was a teenage mother forced to give up her child for adoption by her own mother. Well that is a traumatic experience and probably a valuable source of information that would have helped us to understand her life struggle. That pregnancy and adoption was covered in 2 sentences. Maybe she did not want to talk about it or maybe her editor and Mike McGrady (the guy who probably wrote the book) did not want to explore.

The best bits of the book were the stories about Hugh Hefner (who has gone down in my estimation – that man seems to have obsessed with voyeurism but not very good at actually doing it) and Sammy David Jr who had a weird open relationship with his wife. That’s celebrities for you.

Was Linda Boreman telling the truth ? Only she knows and she is no longer with us. One thing is for certain, Chuck Traynor was a piece of shit.

[camilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

"It could happen to me, it could happen to you. This story is not unique. There are plenty of Chuck Traynors out there."

This book hurts. The reading is unbearable at times, and most of them I'd rather think this as purely fiction and even this way it would still hurt, because these perversions are hard to deal with even when you simply imagine them to happen to an imaginary person.
I became Boreman's fan after that. I went from someone who didn't know about her existence to someone who really wish she was still alive and well now.
The book is so heavy that I had to stop to breathe sometimes. Or I had to stop and try not to cry, like when she mentions the first gang rape, where she had the innocence to think they were talking about a sandwich, as in food, and not in a human sandwich, as intercourse. I think this is one of the parts that hurt me the most, because she was so naïve and all the bad things that happened to her never made her become a bad person, and it is made clear when she always helped Traynor whenever he had a diabetic seizure. Whenever Linda said she took a small revenge on Chuck and mentioned that she "knew such revenge was dumb and sounded like nothing", I never thought it was dumb, I always got happy for her, I always got proud of her for doing these small things that left her victorious once or twice.
I admire Linda Boreman so much. I have no idea how she could survive all that happened to her, how she could keep on living after she escaped her abuser. She passed through extremely dark times, times where she thought she was weak, but in fact she has been strong during all her life, specially during the times she was degenerated the most. It takes strength to survive someone forcing you to do things all the time, someone always putting you down and being violent toward you. She said that you only know true terror once you live it, and I hope I never get to know it, but just by reading her book I know I could never have survived any of this.
When Boreman's sister said she was sad Traynor died before she had the opportunity of killing him, well, I second that. If such a thing exists, I hope Chuck Traynor is burning in hell.

[Mrs Tupac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Manipulation, Abuse, Rape, Prostitution, Drugs, Terrorist Threats Damn this really not for the faint heart

Linda been through the ringer and back. This book is really an ordeal. I was angry , sad , and rattled by ALL Linda went through or had to go through. No one deserves this. I wanted her just to be strong and cut the ordeal for good before Chuck degraded her anymore.

When people offered to help her she didn't want the help or backed out but when she FINALLY wanted the help she was on her own and broke.

This was one twisted , interesting book. The things she revealed about Sammie and Hughe were crazy as hell. I'm surprised Linda DIDN'T get sued , or die from A.I.D.S.

Behind the whole industry is pretty dirty , sad, and gruesome. And when Linda did try to tell her story publicly she was urged to shut her mouth. Even after she moved on from Chuck her past still haunted her and everyone she came across beat her and tried to use her for their own personal gain. No woman deserves this.....

[Bridget · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have pretty mixed feelings about this book. I've read my share of porn autobiographies (Traci Lords, Jenna Jameson) but I figured I should head to the source of these memoirs to the original. I don't want to cast aspersions on what Linda Lovelace said she experienced but it's difficult to believe some of the level of detail that she or her ghost writer went with in this book. Particularly as she makes a point of saying early in the narrative that she doesn't remember huge hunks of time while she was hypnotized or drugged. So essentially, I don't know how much of th narrative is credible but I can live with that.

The actual writing is pretty weak- regurgitated conversations and prurient details that are caveated with "this is so awful; I'm sorry to use this language" sorts of warnings. My final verdict would be: read it if you're completeist on porn biographies.

[l · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so angry at every man, and every woman who consumes and supports porn, at every bad faith argument raised re: porn, at how people hold up women like Linda Lovelace, Sasha Grey, & Stoya up until they don't like what they have to say. It's disgusting; it's transparent; it's pathetic; it's predictable and you all should be in jail.

[Fishface · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overwhelming. Dreadful autobiographical account of Linda Marchiano's years as Linda Lovelace, under the control of Chuck Traynor, who was technically her husband but really her pimp and batterer. What a relief to read that she finally escaped.

[Flora · Rating 4 out of 5]

A trash classic. It's a little sad just how earnestly Gloria Steinem, Andrea Dworkin, Catharine MacKinnon & Co. took it. Ladies, you kinda missed the point.

[sára pudu · Rating 5 out of 5]

i wish linda lived longer but im so happy she could leave and share her truth

[Karla Sentíes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Siendo honesta, no sé cómo calificar esta lectura. Trágico, desgarrador, gráfico… cualquiera de estos adjetivos le va al dedillo.

¿Es una historia interesante? Sí, no puedo decir que no porque a fin de cuentas el nombre llama a la polémica. Lovelace, estrella de Deep Throat, pornstar setentero. Obvio hay mucho chisme ahí, y a mi me encanta el chisme.

Sin embargo, cuando comencé a leer, y a pesar de medio saber qué iba a leer, no esperaba encontrarme con algo tan sumamente gráfico. Me dejó también con muchos sentimientos encontrados, porque he leído artículos que tachan a este libro como mentiras y los otros, en los que participó su ex marido es la absoluta verdad, porque una mujer no puede haber sido forzada a practicar esos actos tan atroces, por supuesto; lo hacía porque le gustab, ¿no?

Tal vez me vea muy inocente diciendo esto, pero algunas cosas me parecieron muy sacadas de los libros del Marqués de Sade. ¿Qué tanta verdad hay en esos episodios? ¿Qué tanto hay de mentira? A pesar de todo, yo decidí creerle, por más duro que fuera.

Vi la película de “Lovelace” cuando salió hace unos años, y aunque en su momento me pareció buena (no sabía nada de la historia de Linda), ahora me parece una falacia y una falta de respeto a la realidad. Lo ponen como que Traynor fue un marido amoroso y nunca jamás abusó de Linda, cuando la realidad es otra: desde el primer día que estuvieron juntos fue abuso tras abuso.

He leído otras reseñas de este libro y no paran de revictimizar a Linda, y me parece grotesco. Incluso a 20 años de su muerte, siguen culpándola de lo que ese asqueroso gusano le hizo, lo que la sociedad le hacía y que le sigue haciendo. Todos se aprovecharon de ella, de su ingenuidad, de su poco amor propio por culpa no solo de su marido, sino de su propia madre. Algunos dicen que jamás permitirían que algo como esto les pasara a ellas, pero creo que hablan desde su privilegio de haber tenido una buena vida, buenos padres, buenos amigos. Uno no puede decir qué haría si le pasara algo así, porque la verdad es que cuando pasa, tu mente no reacciona igual.

Creo que es uno de los libros más tristes que he leído y que, a pesar de que no pude soltarlo casi, tenía que obligarme a descansar un poco por el contenido. No es para cualquier persona, honestamente hay ciertas partes para las que necesitas tener estómago para leer, y si eres una persona muy impresionable, este libro no es para ti. Mejor lee un artículo o el resumen, pero no leas el libro. Aún así, creo que es una lectura interesante si quieres saber más de la industria del porno y la objetificación de las mujeres en esos años (incluso ahora), y la forma en que las despojaban de su dignidad por la satisfacción de los hombres.

[Wanda]

I cannot rate this book as it is an autobiography, a heartbreaking one at that. Really shook me and made me curse men and mysoginy and how bad Things Can Be in this world really. Its horrifying. Shows how twisted a mind can be regarding women and the indecency of the porn industry which thrives on womens suffering and deep, deep humiliation. It really disturbed me.

What I would say is: if you witness someone isolating someone else from family and such, dont leave that person alone. if u find it strange or out of character, keep an eye on the situation. its important to be bounded to each other. to reach out. Also, dont support the porn industry. You have just reinforced yourself to like it because of the pleasure it gives you, without questioning why u go off on womens humiliation and objectification. Its not normal and its definitly changing your perception of women (or yourself if u are a women) and it has REAL LIFE CONSEQUENCES.

also tw for the book:
rape, gang rape, zoophilia, forced prostitution, sequestration, abuse of all kind, homophobia, lesbophobia, heavy mysoginy, violence

[David Szatkowski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives lie to the 'victimless' crime of prostitution. It shows in all its raw evil the porn industry. And it proves, by accident, the truth of the Church's teaching on the dignity of the human person.