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999 Problems: An NHS Paramedic's Memoir
Right now, somewhere in the UK, someone’s grandparent is lying on the floor after losing their balance and falling. They’re staring at the wallpaper they never really liked, regretting skipping their Tai Chi class. They’ve already pressed the emergency lifeline button they wear around their neck for just this sort of scenario, and the control centre has dutifully called 999 on their behalf.
That was five hours ago. Now, they’re left wondering whether to hold their bladder until the ambulance finally arrives or just let it go and join the ranks of those lucky enough to surrender only their dignity instead of their life.
If you’re starting this book now and planning to go from cover to cover in one sitting, by the time you reach the end, unless you’ve got the reading age of a firefighter, they’ll probably still be lying there. Have they wet themselves? Flip a coin.
If you haven’t seen the news, it’s all gone to pot because ambulances are stuck outside full hospitals in long, static queues. This has knock-on effects for our response times, which are nothing short of disastrous. And guess what happens when ambulances take longer to get to 999 calls?
Welcome to the NHS, where the only thing slower than an ambulance response is a politician’s apology. Which is why I started writing this book. Because I’m angry. Furious, in fact. Angry at a health system that’s keeping patients in conditions that would violate the Animal Welfare Act 2006. I’ve spent too long watching people suffer, die, or wait while suffering before finally succumbing to death. All the while, politicians bleat about ‘difficult decisions’ and ‘financial prudence.’
So here it is. My attempt to shine a light on the daily s**t show that is modern healthcare. Unfortunately, you’ll need to stick around and follow my career to get the full picture. Just another paramedic, treading water and trying not to get swallowed up by the system.
That was five hours ago. Now, they’re left wondering whether to hold their bladder until the ambulance finally arrives or just let it go and join the ranks of those lucky enough to surrender only their dignity instead of their life.
If you’re starting this book now and planning to go from cover to cover in one sitting, by the time you reach the end, unless you’ve got the reading age of a firefighter, they’ll probably still be lying there. Have they wet themselves? Flip a coin.
If you haven’t seen the news, it’s all gone to pot because ambulances are stuck outside full hospitals in long, static queues. This has knock-on effects for our response times, which are nothing short of disastrous. And guess what happens when ambulances take longer to get to 999 calls?
Welcome to the NHS, where the only thing slower than an ambulance response is a politician’s apology. Which is why I started writing this book. Because I’m angry. Furious, in fact. Angry at a health system that’s keeping patients in conditions that would violate the Animal Welfare Act 2006. I’ve spent too long watching people suffer, die, or wait while suffering before finally succumbing to death. All the while, politicians bleat about ‘difficult decisions’ and ‘financial prudence.’
So here it is. My attempt to shine a light on the daily s**t show that is modern healthcare. Unfortunately, you’ll need to stick around and follow my career to get the full picture. Just another paramedic, treading water and trying not to get swallowed up by the system.
258 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 6, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 31, 2026
999 Problems is a paramedic memoir told from Steve's entry into the ambulance service in 2010 to present day. I am also a paramedic, joining the ambulance service at the same time as Steve, and have seen the catastrophic decline of the NHS firsthand.
This book will give you a very real idea of what it is like to work in the ambulance service. I've probably dealt with every situation and type of patient Steve mentions in the book. Frontline ambulance staff have a very morbid sense of humour and Steve interjects this well throughout his stories.
Steve takes us on his journey through qualification and shows us how he built on his experience over the years. And then we hit 2020 and the Covid pandemic, and something we have never seen before - ambulances queuing outside hospitals - becomes the norm. Then unfortunately, this phenomenon never leaves us and continues to this day. Interspersed throughout the last 5 years, in between Steve's interactions with his patients, are coroners statements, detailing harrowing stories of deaths and serious harm caused by ambulance delays.
In the final few chapters, Steve provides statistics (received through his many Freedom of Information requests) which make for stark reading.
Overall, I would highly recommend 999 Problems if you want both an idea of what life is like working frontline (Steve does also discuss the impact that shift work can have on your personal life) and the impact of the deterioration in the NHS caused by years of underfunding. It is told with a good amount of humour (I found myself laughing out loud on a few occasions but I'm going to save my job by not talking about what those bits were!), yet deals with the serious side of the job sensitively.
Thank you to Steve for sending me a copy. I've given a copy to some of my colleagues who have also really enjoyed it. And I'm grateful to Steve for writing an open and honest book, that highlights some dreadful statistics that are highly newsworthy, yet have failed to make any headlines (the cynic in me will keep my mouth shut as to why).
This book will give you a very real idea of what it is like to work in the ambulance service. I've probably dealt with every situation and type of patient Steve mentions in the book. Frontline ambulance staff have a very morbid sense of humour and Steve interjects this well throughout his stories.
Steve takes us on his journey through qualification and shows us how he built on his experience over the years. And then we hit 2020 and the Covid pandemic, and something we have never seen before - ambulances queuing outside hospitals - becomes the norm. Then unfortunately, this phenomenon never leaves us and continues to this day. Interspersed throughout the last 5 years, in between Steve's interactions with his patients, are coroners statements, detailing harrowing stories of deaths and serious harm caused by ambulance delays.
In the final few chapters, Steve provides statistics (received through his many Freedom of Information requests) which make for stark reading.
Overall, I would highly recommend 999 Problems if you want both an idea of what life is like working frontline (Steve does also discuss the impact that shift work can have on your personal life) and the impact of the deterioration in the NHS caused by years of underfunding. It is told with a good amount of humour (I found myself laughing out loud on a few occasions but I'm going to save my job by not talking about what those bits were!), yet deals with the serious side of the job sensitively.
Thank you to Steve for sending me a copy. I've given a copy to some of my colleagues who have also really enjoyed it. And I'm grateful to Steve for writing an open and honest book, that highlights some dreadful statistics that are highly newsworthy, yet have failed to make any headlines (the cynic in me will keep my mouth shut as to why).
October 18, 2025
999 Problems felt like a book of two halves. To begin with we read about the process of becoming a qualified paramedic, followed by mostly amusing anecdotes about the experiences he had both with patients and colleagues.
But after Covid in 2020, things change drastically. The humour isn't as apparent as Steve tells us the true horror of the state of the NHS. How ambulances are sometimes waiting a whole day to offload a patient at the hospital, how people are dying because of abysmal response times.
Of course I've seen the situation on the news but the full horror of the situation is made clear here. I enjoyed this very much. I love a medical memoir and the humour reminded me of Adam Kay. A very important read which is frankly terrifying.
But after Covid in 2020, things change drastically. The humour isn't as apparent as Steve tells us the true horror of the state of the NHS. How ambulances are sometimes waiting a whole day to offload a patient at the hospital, how people are dying because of abysmal response times.
Of course I've seen the situation on the news but the full horror of the situation is made clear here. I enjoyed this very much. I love a medical memoir and the humour reminded me of Adam Kay. A very important read which is frankly terrifying.
October 6, 2025
▫️ Paramedic memoir
▫️ Dark humour
▫️ Honest, raw & shocking
▫️ Medical statistics
▫️ Chronological order
𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑚𝑏𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒: 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, 𝑐𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑥, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑠ℎ.
I absolutely LOVE a medical memoir (bonus points if it’s about the ambulance service), so I was super excited when Steve reached out to see if I wanted to read his new book.
This book was BRILLIANT. Working in the service, I related to SO much of this book: I laughed, I cried, I rolled my eyes but most importantly I enjoyed the whole book immensely.
This perfectly encapsulated the heartbreaking, chaotic, fascinating, bizarre reality of working for the ambulance service & was brutally honest in highlighting the intense difficulties that come with it. Darkly hilarious to begin with, the book then takes a twist into the devastating reality of the service & its sobering problems.
Having said that, there were MANY hilarious moments that had me laughing out loud (fair warning: dark humour is something that tends to come with the job). Short chapters that run in chronological order, each individually focused on a patient or case, along with a conversational writing style & the token sarcasm, kept this book super engaging & made for a quick and easy read.
This was eye opening, funny, dark, heart wrenching & not for the faint hearted, but I’d highly recommend it to everyone, whether you work in healthcare or not.
Thank you so much Steve for sending me a copy, ensuring I’ll forever remember VF + VT rhythms & writing (yet another) book that’s reminded me I really need to make the leap from control to road!
▫️ Dark humour
▫️ Honest, raw & shocking
▫️ Medical statistics
▫️ Chronological order
𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑚𝑏𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒: 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, 𝑐𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑥, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑠ℎ.
I absolutely LOVE a medical memoir (bonus points if it’s about the ambulance service), so I was super excited when Steve reached out to see if I wanted to read his new book.
This book was BRILLIANT. Working in the service, I related to SO much of this book: I laughed, I cried, I rolled my eyes but most importantly I enjoyed the whole book immensely.
This perfectly encapsulated the heartbreaking, chaotic, fascinating, bizarre reality of working for the ambulance service & was brutally honest in highlighting the intense difficulties that come with it. Darkly hilarious to begin with, the book then takes a twist into the devastating reality of the service & its sobering problems.
Having said that, there were MANY hilarious moments that had me laughing out loud (fair warning: dark humour is something that tends to come with the job). Short chapters that run in chronological order, each individually focused on a patient or case, along with a conversational writing style & the token sarcasm, kept this book super engaging & made for a quick and easy read.
This was eye opening, funny, dark, heart wrenching & not for the faint hearted, but I’d highly recommend it to everyone, whether you work in healthcare or not.
Thank you so much Steve for sending me a copy, ensuring I’ll forever remember VF + VT rhythms & writing (yet another) book that’s reminded me I really need to make the leap from control to road!
February 16, 2026
Here in the UK most of us will have some idea of how bad things are in the NHS and seen headlines on ambulance queues, shortage of staff and long waiting times. My prospective daughter-in-law is an anaethetist and I am horrified at what she tells me. I was horrified at what is revealed in 999 Problems; horrified but not surprised.
In his introduction Steve (a paramedic) writes, “Words can never truly capture the blood, the heartbreak, or that lingering stench of decomposition that you will never quite wash out. Yet for ambulance staff, all the gore, misery, poo, and death are a Tuesday.” Words can’t truly convey this, but Steve does a darn good job! Month by month he takes us through his training, early experiences and a paramedic’s day. With shades of Adam Kay, Steve mediates his account with a strong dose of humour. Humour and cynicism. This is a searing account not just of poor funding and bad organisation, but systems and people who make the job unnecessarily difficult.
I grew up on The Angels; more recently loved Casualty and 24 Hours in A & E so this book appealed to me. I also feel that we owe it to these guys to better understand what they are up against so that we are informed as voters, as activists and as humans. The role of these paramedics is literally life and death. Unlike the paramedics who get few breaks in their relentless working days, I took days off when reading this. The humour and the compassion stop this from being miserable, but these are the tales of human beings (names changed) who suffer accidents, heart attacks, strokes, and they don’t always make it. So many things particularly stuck with me. I hadn’t considered the sheer physicality and practical difficulties of transporting patients out of their homes. I think we take it for granted that these guys are the first on the scene delivering vital medical assistance, having driven themselves there - there’s a few bumps along the way in the book!
Steve is donating some of his profits from the book to British Heart Foundation and Ambulance Staff Charity. He very kindly sent me a copy of this book. I have donated to the British Heart Foundation.
In his introduction Steve (a paramedic) writes, “Words can never truly capture the blood, the heartbreak, or that lingering stench of decomposition that you will never quite wash out. Yet for ambulance staff, all the gore, misery, poo, and death are a Tuesday.” Words can’t truly convey this, but Steve does a darn good job! Month by month he takes us through his training, early experiences and a paramedic’s day. With shades of Adam Kay, Steve mediates his account with a strong dose of humour. Humour and cynicism. This is a searing account not just of poor funding and bad organisation, but systems and people who make the job unnecessarily difficult.
I grew up on The Angels; more recently loved Casualty and 24 Hours in A & E so this book appealed to me. I also feel that we owe it to these guys to better understand what they are up against so that we are informed as voters, as activists and as humans. The role of these paramedics is literally life and death. Unlike the paramedics who get few breaks in their relentless working days, I took days off when reading this. The humour and the compassion stop this from being miserable, but these are the tales of human beings (names changed) who suffer accidents, heart attacks, strokes, and they don’t always make it. So many things particularly stuck with me. I hadn’t considered the sheer physicality and practical difficulties of transporting patients out of their homes. I think we take it for granted that these guys are the first on the scene delivering vital medical assistance, having driven themselves there - there’s a few bumps along the way in the book!
Steve is donating some of his profits from the book to British Heart Foundation and Ambulance Staff Charity. He very kindly sent me a copy of this book. I have donated to the British Heart Foundation.
October 29, 2025
I was medically retired this year after 20 years in the NHS, 5 spent as an "ambulance driver" and the rest as a Nurse. My background being A and E and prison.
This book could have been about the last 2 years of my ambo career.
Every job resonated with me, from the regulars, to the little Old Doris on the floor for several hours due to ambos queuing at the.hospital.
Even being sent to a job 16 hours after the 999 call was made, practically pulling into the car.park of the Nursing home where the patient was, to be stood down from that job and sent to a higher priority patient.
Steve, well done on the book, it had me laughing out loud in places and covering my.mouth in others.
Thank you for your service and highlighting the broken NHS service.
This book could have been about the last 2 years of my ambo career.
Every job resonated with me, from the regulars, to the little Old Doris on the floor for several hours due to ambos queuing at the.hospital.
Even being sent to a job 16 hours after the 999 call was made, practically pulling into the car.park of the Nursing home where the patient was, to be stood down from that job and sent to a higher priority patient.
Steve, well done on the book, it had me laughing out loud in places and covering my.mouth in others.
Thank you for your service and highlighting the broken NHS service.
September 4, 2025
Wow - an eye-opener of a read for me.
This was a great book; covering an extremely serious issue, cleverly, with the right humour throughout. This book had me crying with laughter and crying with sadness. The facts and figures in the last chapter were particularly concerning but I liked the reassurance to the reader after to call 999 or 111 when necessary.
This was a great book; covering an extremely serious issue, cleverly, with the right humour throughout. This book had me crying with laughter and crying with sadness. The facts and figures in the last chapter were particularly concerning but I liked the reassurance to the reader after to call 999 or 111 when necessary.
September 4, 2025
Got recommended this book after enjoying Adam Kay’s stories and it did not disappoint. An excellent balance of humour, sadness and the dark reality of the NHS currently. A must read whether you work in healthcare or not!
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews