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999 Problems
Right now, somewhere in the UK, someone’s grandparent is lying on the floor after losing their balance and falling. They’re staring at the wallpaper they never really liked, regretting skipping their Tai Chi class. They’ve already pressed the emergency lifeline button they wear around their neck for just this sort of scenario, and the control centre has dutifully called 999 on their behalf.
That was five hours ago. Now, they’re left wondering whether to hold their bladder until the ambulance finally arrives or just let it go and join the ranks of those lucky enough to surrender only their dignity instead of their life.
If you’re starting this book now and planning to go from cover to cover in one sitting, by the time you reach the end, unless you’ve got the reading age of a firefighter, they’ll probably still be lying there. Have they wet themselves? Flip a coin.
If you haven’t seen the news, it’s all gone to pot because ambulances are stuck outside full hospitals in long, static queues. This has knock-on effects for our response times, which are nothing short of disastrous. And guess what happens when ambulances take longer to get to 999 calls?
Welcome to the NHS, where the only thing slower than an ambulance response is a politician’s apology. Which is why I started writing this book. Because I’m angry. Furious, in fact. Angry at a health system that’s keeping patients in conditions that would violate the Animal Welfare Act 2006. I’ve spent too long watching people suffer, die, or wait while suffering before finally succumbing to death. All the while, politicians bleat about ‘difficult decisions’ and ‘financial prudence.’
So here it is. My attempt to shine a light on the daily s**t show that is modern healthcare. Unfortunately, you’ll need to stick around and follow my career to get the full picture. Just another paramedic, treading water and trying not to get swallowed up by the system.
That was five hours ago. Now, they’re left wondering whether to hold their bladder until the ambulance finally arrives or just let it go and join the ranks of those lucky enough to surrender only their dignity instead of their life.
If you’re starting this book now and planning to go from cover to cover in one sitting, by the time you reach the end, unless you’ve got the reading age of a firefighter, they’ll probably still be lying there. Have they wet themselves? Flip a coin.
If you haven’t seen the news, it’s all gone to pot because ambulances are stuck outside full hospitals in long, static queues. This has knock-on effects for our response times, which are nothing short of disastrous. And guess what happens when ambulances take longer to get to 999 calls?
Welcome to the NHS, where the only thing slower than an ambulance response is a politician’s apology. Which is why I started writing this book. Because I’m angry. Furious, in fact. Angry at a health system that’s keeping patients in conditions that would violate the Animal Welfare Act 2006. I’ve spent too long watching people suffer, die, or wait while suffering before finally succumbing to death. All the while, politicians bleat about ‘difficult decisions’ and ‘financial prudence.’
So here it is. My attempt to shine a light on the daily s**t show that is modern healthcare. Unfortunately, you’ll need to stick around and follow my career to get the full picture. Just another paramedic, treading water and trying not to get swallowed up by the system.
208 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 6, 2025
2 people are currently reading
8 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
October 18, 2025
999 Problems felt like a book of two halves. To begin with we read about the process of becoming a qualified paramedic, followed by mostly amusing anecdotes about the experiences he had both with patients and colleagues.
But after Covid in 2020, things change drastically. The humour isn't as apparent as Steve tells us the true horror of the state of the NHS. How ambulances are sometimes waiting a whole day to offload a patient at the hospital, how people are dying because of abysmal response times.
Of course I've seen the situation on the news but the full horror of the situation is made clear here. I enjoyed this very much. I love a medical memoir and the humour reminded me of Adam Kay. A very important read which is frankly terrifying.
But after Covid in 2020, things change drastically. The humour isn't as apparent as Steve tells us the true horror of the state of the NHS. How ambulances are sometimes waiting a whole day to offload a patient at the hospital, how people are dying because of abysmal response times.
Of course I've seen the situation on the news but the full horror of the situation is made clear here. I enjoyed this very much. I love a medical memoir and the humour reminded me of Adam Kay. A very important read which is frankly terrifying.
October 6, 2025
▫️ Paramedic memoir
▫️ Dark humour
▫️ Honest, raw & shocking
▫️ Medical statistics
▫️ Chronological order
𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑚𝑏𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒: 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, 𝑐𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑥, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑠ℎ.
I absolutely LOVE a medical memoir (bonus points if it’s about the ambulance service), so I was super excited when Steve reached out to see if I wanted to read his new book.
This book was BRILLIANT. Working in the service, I related to SO much of this book: I laughed, I cried, I rolled my eyes but most importantly I enjoyed the whole book immensely.
This perfectly encapsulated the heartbreaking, chaotic, fascinating, bizarre reality of working for the ambulance service & was brutally honest in highlighting the intense difficulties that come with it. Darkly hilarious to begin with, the book then takes a twist into the devastating reality of the service & its sobering problems.
Having said that, there were MANY hilarious moments that had me laughing out loud (fair warning: dark humour is something that tends to come with the job). Short chapters that run in chronological order, each individually focused on a patient or case, along with a conversational writing style & the token sarcasm, kept this book super engaging & made for a quick and easy read.
This was eye opening, funny, dark, heart wrenching & not for the faint hearted, but I’d highly recommend it to everyone, whether you work in healthcare or not.
Thank you so much Steve for sending me a copy, ensuring I’ll forever remember VF + VT rhythms & writing (yet another) book that’s reminded me I really need to make the leap from control to road!
▫️ Dark humour
▫️ Honest, raw & shocking
▫️ Medical statistics
▫️ Chronological order
𝑊ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑎𝑚𝑏𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒: 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, 𝑐𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑥, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑠ℎ.
I absolutely LOVE a medical memoir (bonus points if it’s about the ambulance service), so I was super excited when Steve reached out to see if I wanted to read his new book.
This book was BRILLIANT. Working in the service, I related to SO much of this book: I laughed, I cried, I rolled my eyes but most importantly I enjoyed the whole book immensely.
This perfectly encapsulated the heartbreaking, chaotic, fascinating, bizarre reality of working for the ambulance service & was brutally honest in highlighting the intense difficulties that come with it. Darkly hilarious to begin with, the book then takes a twist into the devastating reality of the service & its sobering problems.
Having said that, there were MANY hilarious moments that had me laughing out loud (fair warning: dark humour is something that tends to come with the job). Short chapters that run in chronological order, each individually focused on a patient or case, along with a conversational writing style & the token sarcasm, kept this book super engaging & made for a quick and easy read.
This was eye opening, funny, dark, heart wrenching & not for the faint hearted, but I’d highly recommend it to everyone, whether you work in healthcare or not.
Thank you so much Steve for sending me a copy, ensuring I’ll forever remember VF + VT rhythms & writing (yet another) book that’s reminded me I really need to make the leap from control to road!
October 29, 2025
I was medically retired this year after 20 years in the NHS, 5 spent as an "ambulance driver" and the rest as a Nurse. My background being A and E and prison.
This book could have been about the last 2 years of my ambo career.
Every job resonated with me, from the regulars, to the little Old Doris on the floor for several hours due to ambos queuing at the.hospital.
Even being sent to a job 16 hours after the 999 call was made, practically pulling into the car.park of the Nursing home where the patient was, to be stood down from that job and sent to a higher priority patient.
Steve, well done on the book, it had me laughing out loud in places and covering my.mouth in others.
Thank you for your service and highlighting the broken NHS service.
This book could have been about the last 2 years of my ambo career.
Every job resonated with me, from the regulars, to the little Old Doris on the floor for several hours due to ambos queuing at the.hospital.
Even being sent to a job 16 hours after the 999 call was made, practically pulling into the car.park of the Nursing home where the patient was, to be stood down from that job and sent to a higher priority patient.
Steve, well done on the book, it had me laughing out loud in places and covering my.mouth in others.
Thank you for your service and highlighting the broken NHS service.
September 4, 2025
Wow - an eye-opener of a read for me.
This was a great book; covering an extremely serious issue, cleverly, with the right humour throughout. This book had me crying with laughter and crying with sadness. The facts and figures in the last chapter were particularly concerning but I liked the reassurance to the reader after to call 999 or 111 when necessary.
This was a great book; covering an extremely serious issue, cleverly, with the right humour throughout. This book had me crying with laughter and crying with sadness. The facts and figures in the last chapter were particularly concerning but I liked the reassurance to the reader after to call 999 or 111 when necessary.
September 4, 2025
Got recommended this book after enjoying Adam Kay’s stories and it did not disappoint. An excellent balance of humour, sadness and the dark reality of the NHS currently. A must read whether you work in healthcare or not!
August 31, 2025
Not what I expected but hilarious with dark humor. Later on it’s sad to hear the state of the NHS 🙁
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews