What do you think?
Rate this book
Conversion Therapy Dropout: A Queer Story of Faith and Belonging
A gay Christian's behind-the-scenes account of evangelical megachurches and eight years in conversion therapy before finding wholeness and authenticity.
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez was an invisible architect behind evangelical Christianity's digital empire, crafting messages of belonging for some of the most influential megachurches--Hillsong Church, Elevation Church, Willow Creek--all while secretly questioning his own place within the faith.
In a desperate attempt to "fix" himself, he turned to conversion therapy, spending eight years trying to pray the gay away. And he wasn't alone. More than 700,000 people in the US have undergone some form of conversion therapy. Even though Exodus International, the largest ex-gay organization, closed in 2013, the practice still thrives in many conservative religious communities. After years of this harmful "therapy," Schraeder Rodriguez's sexuality never changed. But his faith did.The more time he spent in evangelical Christianity, the more he witnessed the hypocrisy of institutions that claimed to love everyone while quietly pushing people like him into silence. But Schraeder Rodriguez wouldn't remain silent. Instead, he forged a new path, discovering a vibrant faith beyond the constraints of non-affirming theology and finding a community that embraced his whole self.
Conversion Therapy Dropout is a behind-the-scenes look at megachurch culture, the hidden harm of non-affirming Christian spaces, and the ongoing impact of conversion therapy on gay Christians. This isn't just a coming-out story--it's about what happens after. About rebuilding a life outside the only world you've ever known. And the radical act of stepping into the light after being told your whole life to stay in the shadows. Sometimes, the greatest act of faith isn't holding on--it's letting go.
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez was an invisible architect behind evangelical Christianity's digital empire, crafting messages of belonging for some of the most influential megachurches--Hillsong Church, Elevation Church, Willow Creek--all while secretly questioning his own place within the faith.
In a desperate attempt to "fix" himself, he turned to conversion therapy, spending eight years trying to pray the gay away. And he wasn't alone. More than 700,000 people in the US have undergone some form of conversion therapy. Even though Exodus International, the largest ex-gay organization, closed in 2013, the practice still thrives in many conservative religious communities. After years of this harmful "therapy," Schraeder Rodriguez's sexuality never changed. But his faith did.The more time he spent in evangelical Christianity, the more he witnessed the hypocrisy of institutions that claimed to love everyone while quietly pushing people like him into silence. But Schraeder Rodriguez wouldn't remain silent. Instead, he forged a new path, discovering a vibrant faith beyond the constraints of non-affirming theology and finding a community that embraced his whole self.
Conversion Therapy Dropout is a behind-the-scenes look at megachurch culture, the hidden harm of non-affirming Christian spaces, and the ongoing impact of conversion therapy on gay Christians. This isn't just a coming-out story--it's about what happens after. About rebuilding a life outside the only world you've ever known. And the radical act of stepping into the light after being told your whole life to stay in the shadows. Sometimes, the greatest act of faith isn't holding on--it's letting go.
248 pages, Hardcover
First published May 1, 2026
About the author
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez
1 book28 followersTimothy Schraeder Rodriguez spent nearly a decade in gay conversion therapy—all while working behind the scenes at some of the most influential evangelical megachurches.
After embracing his identity as a gay Christian and leaving church work, he co-founded Church Clarity, an organization that helps queer people find affirming faith communities.
His writing and work have been featured in TIME, The Advocate, NBC, VICE, The Washington Post, HuffPost, Religion News Service, and BBC Newshour.
Born in the Midwest, he now calls New York City home, where he continues his work as a writer, digital strategist, and advocate for queer people of faith.
After embracing his identity as a gay Christian and leaving church work, he co-founded Church Clarity, an organization that helps queer people find affirming faith communities.
His writing and work have been featured in TIME, The Advocate, NBC, VICE, The Washington Post, HuffPost, Religion News Service, and BBC Newshour.
Born in the Midwest, he now calls New York City home, where he continues his work as a writer, digital strategist, and advocate for queer people of faith.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews
May 10, 2026
Your heart will go on a roller coaster with this amazing memoir, a story that deserves to be told. The title tells you the gist— that this is about a man who tried everything in his power to not be gay and finally made his way to acceptance. Tim’s story is certainly not unique as thousands of men and women have been down this path, but he comes through with both a clarity of spirit and hope for the future of the church. Many did not survive.
Tim was raised in an Assembly of God Pentecostal church in Peoria. He worked tirelessly in church spaces and found his gift was in church multimedia marketing. Trained on staff, he made his way through bigger and bolder mega church spaces. He had a hand in communication messaging for some of the largest churches across the globe.
All while nearly bankrupting himself to go to any means necessary to “change” his sexuality.
This is what made this a special story for me. Tim spent 8 years in the now-defunct Exodus International and similar “therapy” NOT because his family insisted, but what he truly believed was a moral failing on his part. He knew he could not be accepted in his community and hated this part of himself.
Whether or not you are queer, most of us know the feeling that we won’t be lovable unless we change somehow.
Pete Buttigieg once said that there was a time in his life that if you offered him a pill to make him straight, he would have swallowed it before you had the chance to give him water. Tim’s story talks about the extraordinary lengths he went to change his sexuality. We now know that conversation therapy does not work and is extremely harmful and in many cases, deadly.
I think what stood out to me were the spaces that were seemingly accepting but still wanting gay Christians to “don’t ask don’t tell” or to remain celibate and how this felt like progress but in many cases, created more shame.
As a Jesus follower I am so disappointed in those that use their own interpretation of the Bible to shame and spiritually abuse others. Plain and simple- this is spiritual abuse. Jesus said if you cause young people to feel separated from God’s love you might as well tie a millstone around your neck and be drowned in the depth of the sea. I feel this scripture in my bones for all of the queer kids. Millions of queer kids think God’s love is not for them because of those in power.
There is nothing about you that needs to change. You are perfect as you are.
Tim was raised in an Assembly of God Pentecostal church in Peoria. He worked tirelessly in church spaces and found his gift was in church multimedia marketing. Trained on staff, he made his way through bigger and bolder mega church spaces. He had a hand in communication messaging for some of the largest churches across the globe.
All while nearly bankrupting himself to go to any means necessary to “change” his sexuality.
This is what made this a special story for me. Tim spent 8 years in the now-defunct Exodus International and similar “therapy” NOT because his family insisted, but what he truly believed was a moral failing on his part. He knew he could not be accepted in his community and hated this part of himself.
Whether or not you are queer, most of us know the feeling that we won’t be lovable unless we change somehow.
Pete Buttigieg once said that there was a time in his life that if you offered him a pill to make him straight, he would have swallowed it before you had the chance to give him water. Tim’s story talks about the extraordinary lengths he went to change his sexuality. We now know that conversation therapy does not work and is extremely harmful and in many cases, deadly.
I think what stood out to me were the spaces that were seemingly accepting but still wanting gay Christians to “don’t ask don’t tell” or to remain celibate and how this felt like progress but in many cases, created more shame.
As a Jesus follower I am so disappointed in those that use their own interpretation of the Bible to shame and spiritually abuse others. Plain and simple- this is spiritual abuse. Jesus said if you cause young people to feel separated from God’s love you might as well tie a millstone around your neck and be drowned in the depth of the sea. I feel this scripture in my bones for all of the queer kids. Millions of queer kids think God’s love is not for them because of those in power.
There is nothing about you that needs to change. You are perfect as you are.
June 29, 2026
this is such a well written book and i think EVERYONE should read it because the message is even better
June 26, 2026
Raised in the evangelical church, the author of this book did everything he possibly could to try to suppress and change his sexuality. He attended conferences and support groups, asked friends to be his “accountability partners,” and publicly shared his testimony about battling same-sex attraction. The thing is, none of it worked. This story is about his journey to accepting himself as a gay man, and finally flourishing as his true self.
What sets this apart from many similar memoirs is the author’s decision to remain a Christian. As a Christian, I would never fault anyone for turning their back on the faith given the very real harm churches have inflicted on our LGBTQ+ siblings over the years, but it was encouraging to read about someone who was able to grow closer to God by accepting himself. My biggest takeaway from this book is that Christians who are LBTQ+ affirming need to be LOUD about it. There were many disheartening moments in this book that came from churches and Christians being wishy-washy on inclusion. There was a heartbreaking anecdote about a gay Christian couple that actually met at church, and only found out when they asked their pastor to marry them that their church disagreed with gay marriage. There’s also a part where the author admits to the therapist who has been giving him conversion therapy that he’s done trying to change his identity and the therapist is like “oh, that’s cool, I actually believe in gay rights, I was just following this Christian counselling centre’s guidelines.” Like, excuse me?? Think of the trauma that could have been avoided if he acted in line with his values.
This was a really interesting read that will appeal to progressive Christians and anyone deconstructing from an evangelical upbringing. I would also challenge conservative Christians to read this book and try to see through the author’s eyes.
What sets this apart from many similar memoirs is the author’s decision to remain a Christian. As a Christian, I would never fault anyone for turning their back on the faith given the very real harm churches have inflicted on our LGBTQ+ siblings over the years, but it was encouraging to read about someone who was able to grow closer to God by accepting himself. My biggest takeaway from this book is that Christians who are LBTQ+ affirming need to be LOUD about it. There were many disheartening moments in this book that came from churches and Christians being wishy-washy on inclusion. There was a heartbreaking anecdote about a gay Christian couple that actually met at church, and only found out when they asked their pastor to marry them that their church disagreed with gay marriage. There’s also a part where the author admits to the therapist who has been giving him conversion therapy that he’s done trying to change his identity and the therapist is like “oh, that’s cool, I actually believe in gay rights, I was just following this Christian counselling centre’s guidelines.” Like, excuse me?? Think of the trauma that could have been avoided if he acted in line with his values.
This was a really interesting read that will appeal to progressive Christians and anyone deconstructing from an evangelical upbringing. I would also challenge conservative Christians to read this book and try to see through the author’s eyes.
Read
June 9, 2026It’s so upsetting the shame and humiliation that so many queer people have gone through by being a part of evangelicalism. I’m so glad the author was able to get out and find happiness. I immediately watched the documentary on Netflix, “Pray Away” which was mentioned in the book. I recommend both!
May 15, 2026
A beautifully crafted memoir. Unlike some of its ilk, this one doesn’t allow itself to get bogged down in theology (apart from some brief references, TSR knows we know the clobber passages all too well, and most of us have reclaimed them with better hermeneutics) nor in trauma. While TSR doesn’t shy away from his trauma, his message of empowerment and hope shine through all the brighter, making this an easy and emotional read. Structurally, his narrative takes the form of self-help over many years of moving, navigating various social groups and professional spheres, and personal revelations; it’s a reminder even to those of us healing from our own religious and psychological horrors that healing is never a single event. Awareness of ourselves comes at the cost of building healthy communities around ourselves, and that can be the hardest work of all. TSR shows us practical, discerning steps of how that process looked for him, and it makes this fabulous memoir stand a cut above the rest.
June 12, 2026
If I could, I would make this mandatory reading. This book is very well written, but also real and raw in a way that is needed. This book would be especially helpful to Evangelical Christians who have brought so much unnecessary pain into the lives of queer Christians.
May 13, 2026
Some phrases were repeated too often and that drove me kind of crazy. But maybe that’s only someone like me, who copy edits books for a living, will notice and be a little annoyed by. But otherwise, this was heartbreaking and encouraging all the same.
I think the author showed really well just how hard he tried not to have same-sex attraction. The title of this book implies perhaps it was a one-off thing that he tried and then dropped, but that was not the case. He spent eight years trying to “become straight” and it never happened, despite how bad he wanted it to. And why did he want it to happen? Because this is what the church teaches. And why does the church teach this?
I’m not really not sure. I thought maybe while reading this that perhaps sexuality of any kind that doesn’t fit the church’s mold is threatening and something that needs to be controlled and squashed. (Purity culture that I grew up in being the “straight sexuality” issue pressed upon us as women.)
Two of my closest and oldest friends in this world are gay, and thinking about them going through what the author went through brings me to tears. I simply cannot imagine living this way and feeling so trapped with no way out yet wanting to please God and the church based on what they say.
I’m so glad the author feels affirmed, accepted, and loved just as he is. Because it’s true. Every human is fearfully and wonderfully made, not just straight people.
I think the author showed really well just how hard he tried not to have same-sex attraction. The title of this book implies perhaps it was a one-off thing that he tried and then dropped, but that was not the case. He spent eight years trying to “become straight” and it never happened, despite how bad he wanted it to. And why did he want it to happen? Because this is what the church teaches. And why does the church teach this?
I’m not really not sure. I thought maybe while reading this that perhaps sexuality of any kind that doesn’t fit the church’s mold is threatening and something that needs to be controlled and squashed. (Purity culture that I grew up in being the “straight sexuality” issue pressed upon us as women.)
Two of my closest and oldest friends in this world are gay, and thinking about them going through what the author went through brings me to tears. I simply cannot imagine living this way and feeling so trapped with no way out yet wanting to please God and the church based on what they say.
I’m so glad the author feels affirmed, accepted, and loved just as he is. Because it’s true. Every human is fearfully and wonderfully made, not just straight people.
May 6, 2026
I had the opportunity to read the working copy of this last year and I was instantly brought into a world I was privileged to not experience. This is the largest subculture I think our country has, funneling billions of dollars from Christian rock mega churches into literal psychological warfare on queer people. Interesting story, engaging writing, and a beautiful message.
May 14, 2026
Impossible not to give 5 stars when I got to hear from the author himself last weekend in Chicago! This book was extra special because of how prominently Chicago is featured, including a church I used to go to 👀 if anybody wants to read this, you can borrow it from me!
June 23, 2026
I wholeheartedly enjoyed this book! It was very enlightening to hear about his journey through such complex and layered experiences. It was really cool to hear the Chicago connections in this book, and think about how a lot of this occurred in my backyard. It was really heartwarming and I would for sure recommend. Loved listening on Audible.
July 5, 2026
I don’t cry during many books but this one got me
June 6, 2026
*As with all biographies, rating is not related to their story.*
I couldn’t put this down. As someone who also spent a chunk of their childhood in the evangelical church space, this hit hard. I’m so thankful to have read Tim’s story. It was honest and heartbreaking. I’m so happy that he is a “dropout” and is living his authentic life.
I couldn’t put this down. As someone who also spent a chunk of their childhood in the evangelical church space, this hit hard. I’m so thankful to have read Tim’s story. It was honest and heartbreaking. I’m so happy that he is a “dropout” and is living his authentic life.
May 6, 2026
I began this book with a set of expectations of how it would play out. However, it was completely different, in a good way. Timothy tells the story of his life and his struggle with his sexuality, eventually turning to voluntary conversion therapy. I am really glad I was able to get an advanced copy (now released!) because I found it pretty insightful as someone who is not connected to any church or religion.
I felt it dragged a little in the middle where things weren’t really moving too much and I wanted him to just break free… but it makes total sense since this is being viewed through a 2026 lens.
I really hope his story can help those struggling with similar feelings.
4 Stars
I felt it dragged a little in the middle where things weren’t really moving too much and I wanted him to just break free… but it makes total sense since this is being viewed through a 2026 lens.
I really hope his story can help those struggling with similar feelings.
4 Stars
Read
June 3, 2026BEAUTIFUL
Got (very) teary eyed at the end. I am not in any way a believer, but I do very much appreciate the way the author has been able to find his own love from and for his God. It's incredible how resilient and resourceful his journey has been. Truly an amazing book to read and story to hear
Got (very) teary eyed at the end. I am not in any way a believer, but I do very much appreciate the way the author has been able to find his own love from and for his God. It's incredible how resilient and resourceful his journey has been. Truly an amazing book to read and story to hear
June 8, 2026
I know several adults that experienced conversion therapy and pray the gay away during their teen and young adult years because their parents could not accept their sexuality. The title of this book really intrigued me as I was curious and ready to learn more about the author’s experience with conversion therapy and his Christian experience. What this book offers is more of an overview of his life experience living as a gay man unable to find the benefit of conversion therapy and how he tries multiple jobs with digital marketing for churches. While that part of his story is intriguing, I still wanted more which may be my issue as the reader.
May 18, 2026
I read this and felt so guilty that for most of my life, I was a part of the problem. And also very, very happy in our decision to step back and choose our own path.
June 27, 2026
Beautiful and tender memoir about growing up gay in the church. He eloquently portrays the pain and rejection that the church projected on him and how he felt he needed to change himself to fit in.
May 28, 2026
*I rate all memoirs five stars*
I rate all memoirs five stars but even if I didn’t this would EASILY be five stars!!! Truly one of the best memoirs I’ve ever read/listened to, and I I’ll especially resonate if you’ve spent any time in evangelical culture!!!
I rate all memoirs five stars but even if I didn’t this would EASILY be five stars!!! Truly one of the best memoirs I’ve ever read/listened to, and I I’ll especially resonate if you’ve spent any time in evangelical culture!!!
May 18, 2026
An intimate, confessional voice and insider perspective drive the appeal of this memoir from Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez. Tim helped some of the biggest megachurches in the world (e.g., Hillsong) grow their "brands," congregations, and platforms, while at the same time, hiding his sexuality and going through years of brutal conversion therapy.
Tim covers every step of his life—from childhood through teen years and beyond—along with the confusion, sadness, despair, and heartbreaking faith struggles that come with denying self. He is a kind man, forgiving and thoughtful, and FUNNY, which draws you in as a reader.
If you were riveted by the Netflix documentary "Pray Away," are curious about the now-shuttered Exodus International and what goes on in the dehumanizing process of conversion therapy + the inner workings of mega churches, this is a book for you. If you want to step into the soul of a LGBTQ+ Christian, it's a must read. It's intensely heartfelt, can be painful to read throughout, yet self-effacing. The end is emotional, full of help and promise for those who might be struggling in their own journeys.
Thank you to the publisher for the NetGalley ARC!
Tim covers every step of his life—from childhood through teen years and beyond—along with the confusion, sadness, despair, and heartbreaking faith struggles that come with denying self. He is a kind man, forgiving and thoughtful, and FUNNY, which draws you in as a reader.
If you were riveted by the Netflix documentary "Pray Away," are curious about the now-shuttered Exodus International and what goes on in the dehumanizing process of conversion therapy + the inner workings of mega churches, this is a book for you. If you want to step into the soul of a LGBTQ+ Christian, it's a must read. It's intensely heartfelt, can be painful to read throughout, yet self-effacing. The end is emotional, full of help and promise for those who might be struggling in their own journeys.
Thank you to the publisher for the NetGalley ARC!
Read
May 26, 2026Beautiful written. Often felt like looking in a mirror.
May 6, 2026
This book in one word? Vital.
Conversion Therapy Dropout is a future seminal queer text, one that would be aptly shelved between Boy Erased and The Velvet Rage.
An unflinching memoir that is as incisive as it is introspective, CTD tackles themes of faith, morality, identity, and community with wit and tenderness in perfect accord. While there is countless data supporting the unethical practice and harmful effects of conversion therapy, it is often from firsthand experiences like Schraeder Rodriguez's that people understand its covert and destabilizing nature, how this so-called "treatment" has the opposite of its intended effect: it strays the Christian further from their God.
Schraeder Rodriguez makes his point clear: it is entirely possible and perfectly natural to be a proud, self-loving, and fully embodied gay person AND a devout, faithful Christian.
What I found so inspiring about this book was the author's seemingly undimmable, truly Christian capacity for forgiveness and acceptance: of the self and of others (and aren't we all seen as one in Christ? Galatians 3:28...).
Far from evangelical, the book preaches universal truths of love and recovery rooted in deeply personal stories. Passages range from laugh-out-loud to somber and elegiac, but are always delivered with heartfelt sincerity and elegance.
I cannot recommend this book enough, especially to the recovering Christian, the questioning queer, or anyone caught somewhere in the shadows in between. This book exists for them. I hope they find it. It could be what saves their lives.
Conversion Therapy Dropout is a future seminal queer text, one that would be aptly shelved between Boy Erased and The Velvet Rage.
An unflinching memoir that is as incisive as it is introspective, CTD tackles themes of faith, morality, identity, and community with wit and tenderness in perfect accord. While there is countless data supporting the unethical practice and harmful effects of conversion therapy, it is often from firsthand experiences like Schraeder Rodriguez's that people understand its covert and destabilizing nature, how this so-called "treatment" has the opposite of its intended effect: it strays the Christian further from their God.
Schraeder Rodriguez makes his point clear: it is entirely possible and perfectly natural to be a proud, self-loving, and fully embodied gay person AND a devout, faithful Christian.
What I found so inspiring about this book was the author's seemingly undimmable, truly Christian capacity for forgiveness and acceptance: of the self and of others (and aren't we all seen as one in Christ? Galatians 3:28...).
Far from evangelical, the book preaches universal truths of love and recovery rooted in deeply personal stories. Passages range from laugh-out-loud to somber and elegiac, but are always delivered with heartfelt sincerity and elegance.
I cannot recommend this book enough, especially to the recovering Christian, the questioning queer, or anyone caught somewhere in the shadows in between. This book exists for them. I hope they find it. It could be what saves their lives.
May 15, 2026
"They say you should never meet your heroes. Sometimes the person you admire the most, is the one who will break you."
"Admiration often blurs reality."
"They had seen how hard I tried, and how much pain it caused me. But when it came down to it, their beliefs mattered more than our friendship. What hurt the most wasn't just losing their support, it was realizing how conditional it had always been."
"Admiration often blurs reality."
"They had seen how hard I tried, and how much pain it caused me. But when it came down to it, their beliefs mattered more than our friendship. What hurt the most wasn't just losing their support, it was realizing how conditional it had always been."
May 13, 2026
One of the best memoirs I’ve ever read. Incredibly important and relevant book.
May 2, 2026
This is probably by far one of my favorite reads this year! The author did a great job of pulling me into the story and his experiences. This was so relatable as someone who also questioned myself for a long time. I appreciated hearing the struggles that he went through and how he came to writing this book!
I truly recommend this book for anyone!! It is a good reminder that we are all humans and deserve to be loved no matter what.
I received an advanced reader copy from NetGalley and I am leaving this review voluntarily
I truly recommend this book for anyone!! It is a good reminder that we are all humans and deserve to be loved no matter what.
I received an advanced reader copy from NetGalley and I am leaving this review voluntarily
April 2, 2026
Conversion Therapy Dropout is a thoughtful and accessible memoir that sheds light on an extremely harmful practice without overwhelming the reader. What stands out most is the author’s measured, compassionate tone; while he makes it clear just how damaging conversion therapy can be, he avoids an overly graphic recounting of specifics. For readers who may feel hesitant about engaging with such a heavy topic, the author’s approach makes the book feel safe and approachable without diminishing its emotional impact.
The book is a personal narrative rather than an in-depth analysis so readers who are already familiar with the history and systemic harms of conversion therapy, or who are looking for a more clinical or research-driven exploration, won’t find that kind of deep dive here. What they will find is a touching memoir that approaches a hard subject matter with honesty and grace - and a picture of how faith can and should coexist with an individual’s true self.
Thank you to NetGalley and Broadleaf for this eARC
The book is a personal narrative rather than an in-depth analysis so readers who are already familiar with the history and systemic harms of conversion therapy, or who are looking for a more clinical or research-driven exploration, won’t find that kind of deep dive here. What they will find is a touching memoir that approaches a hard subject matter with honesty and grace - and a picture of how faith can and should coexist with an individual’s true self.
Thank you to NetGalley and Broadleaf for this eARC
Review of advance copy received from Author
Memoirs are some of my favorite books to read, as it gives such a unique insight to the author. But, knowing the author on a semi-personal level changes some of the insights. References, people, and shared experiences within certain settings give the book an even deeper truth to its words, which was the case for Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s ‘Conversion Therapy Dropout: A Queer Story of Faith and Belonging.’ Tim and I attended the same churches growing up; first, Faith Christian Center and then the break-off church Riverside Community Church. Our families know each other and have been in each other’s orbits for what feels like forever, so when Tim announced this book, I was more than intrigued to hear more of his story.
‘Conversion Therapy Dropout’ is a painful, yet rewarding documentation of Tim’s time in therapy groups, therapist offices, and countless retreat/conventions to fix what he had been brought up being told was broken about himself: his sexuality. Being gay, or even questioning your sexuality in the Evangelical Church is not allowed, nor is it even remotely a conversation to be had. We were taught being queer, of any kind, was worse than murder. The church also taught an abstinence only stance in youth group, which ended in multiple teen pregnancies (one of which was the head pastors daughter, but that’s a story for another time.) So, reading the struggles that Tim put himself through in hopes to become a more faithful servant of Christ was truly heartbreaking. While I have absolutely closed the door on religion, I commend Tim on his walk, the pain he went through to gain a deeper connection to his faith has caused many to end their lives, or hide their true selves within Lavender Marriages or taking a vow of celibacy.
The American Evangelical Church has many issues clouding over it, along with other religious sects based in the Pentecostal ways of teaching. As mentioned in the book, many queer folks go through so much self-loathing that it becomes dangerous; those who survive conversion therapy may end up okay, while others end up going to the extreme with their newfound sexual freedom by exploring drugs and alcohol to a dangerous point, and as mentioned before, some take their lives because they cannot handle the judgement, the hate, and the societal anguish religious groups hurl their way. Hearing how many church leaders spoke to Tim and pulled the “don’t ask, don’t tell” method was not surprising, but very disappointing. It further showed me that church leadership does not truly care about the person, but what you can do for them. Having parents once in church leadership positions, I saw many people taken advantage of, free labor exploited, and many manipulated under the guise of doing work “for the Lord.”
What is most remarkable about Timothy’s story is the view from the top of the mountain he climbed. He stopped looking for answers in church leaders and turned to community, but more importantly a Christ-loving gay community. Through it all, Tim remained so devout, so faithful and reticent in his search for the truth. His story will be inspiration for many other LGBTQIA+ Christians out there and I am so proud to see him thriving today!
‘Conversion Therapy Dropout’ is available for pre-order now and releases May 5, 2026.
‘Conversion Therapy Dropout’ is a painful, yet rewarding documentation of Tim’s time in therapy groups, therapist offices, and countless retreat/conventions to fix what he had been brought up being told was broken about himself: his sexuality. Being gay, or even questioning your sexuality in the Evangelical Church is not allowed, nor is it even remotely a conversation to be had. We were taught being queer, of any kind, was worse than murder. The church also taught an abstinence only stance in youth group, which ended in multiple teen pregnancies (one of which was the head pastors daughter, but that’s a story for another time.) So, reading the struggles that Tim put himself through in hopes to become a more faithful servant of Christ was truly heartbreaking. While I have absolutely closed the door on religion, I commend Tim on his walk, the pain he went through to gain a deeper connection to his faith has caused many to end their lives, or hide their true selves within Lavender Marriages or taking a vow of celibacy.
The American Evangelical Church has many issues clouding over it, along with other religious sects based in the Pentecostal ways of teaching. As mentioned in the book, many queer folks go through so much self-loathing that it becomes dangerous; those who survive conversion therapy may end up okay, while others end up going to the extreme with their newfound sexual freedom by exploring drugs and alcohol to a dangerous point, and as mentioned before, some take their lives because they cannot handle the judgement, the hate, and the societal anguish religious groups hurl their way. Hearing how many church leaders spoke to Tim and pulled the “don’t ask, don’t tell” method was not surprising, but very disappointing. It further showed me that church leadership does not truly care about the person, but what you can do for them. Having parents once in church leadership positions, I saw many people taken advantage of, free labor exploited, and many manipulated under the guise of doing work “for the Lord.”
What is most remarkable about Timothy’s story is the view from the top of the mountain he climbed. He stopped looking for answers in church leaders and turned to community, but more importantly a Christ-loving gay community. Through it all, Tim remained so devout, so faithful and reticent in his search for the truth. His story will be inspiration for many other LGBTQIA+ Christians out there and I am so proud to see him thriving today!
‘Conversion Therapy Dropout’ is available for pre-order now and releases May 5, 2026.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I saw this book and immediately knew I had to read it, even knowing this book would likely be far too relatable and bring me to tears. I was right on both accounts but am so grateful that I was able to read this book.
In Conversion Therapy Drop Out, the author Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez, share his experiences as a queer person in the world of american evangelical christianity in the 90's and 2000's. This world is a brutal one and some would argue oppressive for all involved in it but especially anyone who did not fit the standard of cis, white and straight. Schraeder Rodriguez, worked for and had connections in some of the biggest churches in the country as social media and marketing specialist. In this book he shares his journey as he struggles to balance the expectations of the church and his faith with his sexuality as a gay man.
I'm only a few years younger than the author, grew up not far from him, and spent the first 30ish years of my life performing my gender and sexuality in the ways that I was taught were right and holy in fear of being abandoned by my community and the only god I ever knew. So much of his story was relatable and brought up my own memories of very similar experiences.
While I managed to dodge the horrors of Exodus International, I still experienced very similar experiences with shame, loneliness and self abandonment for the sake of my faith that the author did. As I read I was familiar with and have connections to many of the organizations mentioned.
I related to so much of this book but the following quote stuck with me:
“With all my best but futile efforts, I was trying to kill a part of myself I hadn’t even had the chance to understand because I believed that’s what God wanted me to do.”
It took til I was almost 30 to realize that part of me did not need to be killed off. That I was happier, healthier and better able to share kindness with those around me by starting with being kind to myself.
I know so many people with stories similar to mine - late bloomers who fought so hard to find a place where they could be both queer and christian. The trans people who like myself could not even begin to acknowledge their transness until later in life, the lesbians who married men because it was what they as godly women were called to do.
Conversion therapy and unaffirming theology not only squashes the very souls of people who just want to be themselves but is factually incorrect. It took me far too long to be able to dig deeper for myself and realize that the passages that were weaponized against me were mistranslated, misconstrued and twisted as a form of control, abuse and self righteousness.
His story is one that needed to be shared and needs to amplified. The harm done by all forms of conversion therapy is rampant in millenials and is likely to make a resurgence with the recent legal allowances than have been made for it.
The church has made some progress but they still have a long way to go. This book is a vital piece that needs to be shared because it puts a very real face to a very common story of the harm done by this incorrect theology.
Thank you to NetGalley, Broadleaf Books, and Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez for the eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
In Conversion Therapy Drop Out, the author Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez, share his experiences as a queer person in the world of american evangelical christianity in the 90's and 2000's. This world is a brutal one and some would argue oppressive for all involved in it but especially anyone who did not fit the standard of cis, white and straight. Schraeder Rodriguez, worked for and had connections in some of the biggest churches in the country as social media and marketing specialist. In this book he shares his journey as he struggles to balance the expectations of the church and his faith with his sexuality as a gay man.
I'm only a few years younger than the author, grew up not far from him, and spent the first 30ish years of my life performing my gender and sexuality in the ways that I was taught were right and holy in fear of being abandoned by my community and the only god I ever knew. So much of his story was relatable and brought up my own memories of very similar experiences.
While I managed to dodge the horrors of Exodus International, I still experienced very similar experiences with shame, loneliness and self abandonment for the sake of my faith that the author did. As I read I was familiar with and have connections to many of the organizations mentioned.
I related to so much of this book but the following quote stuck with me:
“With all my best but futile efforts, I was trying to kill a part of myself I hadn’t even had the chance to understand because I believed that’s what God wanted me to do.”
It took til I was almost 30 to realize that part of me did not need to be killed off. That I was happier, healthier and better able to share kindness with those around me by starting with being kind to myself.
I know so many people with stories similar to mine - late bloomers who fought so hard to find a place where they could be both queer and christian. The trans people who like myself could not even begin to acknowledge their transness until later in life, the lesbians who married men because it was what they as godly women were called to do.
Conversion therapy and unaffirming theology not only squashes the very souls of people who just want to be themselves but is factually incorrect. It took me far too long to be able to dig deeper for myself and realize that the passages that were weaponized against me were mistranslated, misconstrued and twisted as a form of control, abuse and self righteousness.
His story is one that needed to be shared and needs to amplified. The harm done by all forms of conversion therapy is rampant in millenials and is likely to make a resurgence with the recent legal allowances than have been made for it.
The church has made some progress but they still have a long way to go. This book is a vital piece that needs to be shared because it puts a very real face to a very common story of the harm done by this incorrect theology.
Thank you to NetGalley, Broadleaf Books, and Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez for the eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
Conversion Therapy Dropout brings up a lot of emotions and thoughts, and it definitely lights a fire for advocacy work.
As someone who is entirely against conversion “therapy” and hate-filled christian “therapy,” the majority of this book was a bit tough to read. I found myself cringing for about 90% of the book due to Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s journey through conversion “therapy” and other harmful religious experiences with harmful beliefs and values.
I found myself wondering the entire time when Timothy was going to break free from the cycle, when he was going to stop accepting less than he deserved and step out of the shadows of the unaccepting and hateful religion. I am so happy for Timothy in the end. Happy that he was able to find his place in his faith despite everything he went through. Happy that he was able to stand up for himself (and others) and finally step out of the shadows. Happy that he is now able to live and love freely, and be unapologetically himself. Because that is the most important thing.
I wrestled a bit with my own thoughts and views while reading the book because I went into it fully expecting there to be a complete distancing from/rejection of religion and faith in the end. So, it was really great to read the actual outcome and see a different perspective than I would have expected in which he remains in the religion after it all. And I am happy to know that there are some religious communities and churches out there that are accepting and open and safe for the community (they ALL should be!).
The hypocrisy, the judgment, the ridicule, the discrimination, and the outward hate (because some don’t even try to hide it) by so many churches and religious people is insane. Of course this doesn’t mean all of them do this. This thought came up for me a lot while reading this book. It was heartbreaking to read about the experiences Timothy went through and the vile conversations he had with “leaders” in the religious community and those doing conversion “therapy.” And it is heartbreaking to know that he felt such shame and pain because of all those small-minded people. And it is even more heartbreaking to know that too many people die because of conversion “therapy” and the hate, ridicule, judgment, dismissal, etcetera. Churches and religious leaders need to do better.
I also want to be very clear: conversion “therapists” and christian “therapists” that support and push hateful and problematic ideology onto their clients are not true therapists. Sure, they may be using the title and may have gone through a small amount of clearly inadequate education and training, but they are imposters in the community. Real therapists follow ethical guidelines. Real therapists would never harm their clients like that. Real therapists would never push their own beliefs onto their clients nor would they use their own beliefs to justify mistreatment of clients. Those practices are completely against our Code of Ethics for so many reasons.
Unfortunately, the fight against conversion “therapy,” sometimes also referred to as “reparative therapy” or “sexual orientation change efforts”(SOCE) or “gender identity change efforts” (GICE), is not even close to being over. The American Psychological Association, The Trevor Project, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), GLAAD, PFLAG, Believe Out Loud, and National Center for LGBTQ Rights (NCLR) are some great resources for learning more and helping to support ending conversion therapy.
Thank you to NetGalley and Broadleaf Books for the ARC opportunity!
As someone who is entirely against conversion “therapy” and hate-filled christian “therapy,” the majority of this book was a bit tough to read. I found myself cringing for about 90% of the book due to Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez’s journey through conversion “therapy” and other harmful religious experiences with harmful beliefs and values.
I found myself wondering the entire time when Timothy was going to break free from the cycle, when he was going to stop accepting less than he deserved and step out of the shadows of the unaccepting and hateful religion. I am so happy for Timothy in the end. Happy that he was able to find his place in his faith despite everything he went through. Happy that he was able to stand up for himself (and others) and finally step out of the shadows. Happy that he is now able to live and love freely, and be unapologetically himself. Because that is the most important thing.
I wrestled a bit with my own thoughts and views while reading the book because I went into it fully expecting there to be a complete distancing from/rejection of religion and faith in the end. So, it was really great to read the actual outcome and see a different perspective than I would have expected in which he remains in the religion after it all. And I am happy to know that there are some religious communities and churches out there that are accepting and open and safe for the community (they ALL should be!).
The hypocrisy, the judgment, the ridicule, the discrimination, and the outward hate (because some don’t even try to hide it) by so many churches and religious people is insane. Of course this doesn’t mean all of them do this. This thought came up for me a lot while reading this book. It was heartbreaking to read about the experiences Timothy went through and the vile conversations he had with “leaders” in the religious community and those doing conversion “therapy.” And it is heartbreaking to know that he felt such shame and pain because of all those small-minded people. And it is even more heartbreaking to know that too many people die because of conversion “therapy” and the hate, ridicule, judgment, dismissal, etcetera. Churches and religious leaders need to do better.
I also want to be very clear: conversion “therapists” and christian “therapists” that support and push hateful and problematic ideology onto their clients are not true therapists. Sure, they may be using the title and may have gone through a small amount of clearly inadequate education and training, but they are imposters in the community. Real therapists follow ethical guidelines. Real therapists would never harm their clients like that. Real therapists would never push their own beliefs onto their clients nor would they use their own beliefs to justify mistreatment of clients. Those practices are completely against our Code of Ethics for so many reasons.
Unfortunately, the fight against conversion “therapy,” sometimes also referred to as “reparative therapy” or “sexual orientation change efforts”(SOCE) or “gender identity change efforts” (GICE), is not even close to being over. The American Psychological Association, The Trevor Project, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), GLAAD, PFLAG, Believe Out Loud, and National Center for LGBTQ Rights (NCLR) are some great resources for learning more and helping to support ending conversion therapy.
Thank you to NetGalley and Broadleaf Books for the ARC opportunity!
April 24, 2026
“With all my best but futile efforts, I was trying to kill a part of myself I hadn’t even had the chance to understand because I believed that’s what God wanted me to do.”
“We were selling belonging, a family for the lonely, but delivered exclusion. We promoted grace and acceptance but practiced judgment. And we preached authenticity while demanding conformity. It was the great paradox of modern evangelicalism.”
“My ideas of faithfulness were tangled up in sacrifice: that to truly serve God, someone like me had to lay down the desire to love and be loved. …I wrestled with what it meant to be faithful and whether faithfulness for me would always mean denying love itself.”
“I learned the hard way that true surrender isn’t giving up who you are, it’s laying down the burden of who others want you to be.”
This is an absolute gift of a book! I’m grateful to the author for his courage in sharing this captivating memoir. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez tells his story as a gay Christian growing up in the world of evangelicalism, earnestly seeking to please God through years of conversion therapy and prayers to be “ex-gay.” He details his suffering due to the growing divide between his true self and the image he had to project in his work as “an invisible architect behind evangelical Christianity’s digital empire, crafting messages of belonging for some of the most influential megachurches.”
This is a story of hard-won freedom in discovering that the love and worthiness we often work so hard to earn has always belonged to us.
The writing is superb, with words woven like magic into a spell that grabbed me and pulled me into the story, holding my rapt attention to the end. The author portrays the people in his story with compassion while remaining clear about the harm he experienced. His faithfulness in wrestling with his beliefs and identity embodies an authentic, admirable faith.
Though I am sad to say that this is one of thousands of stories of the harm wrought by conversion therapy, I appreciate Schraeder Rodriguez’s perspective as a biracial adoptee who remained in contact with his birth family. Themes of identity and belonging are carried through complex family dynamics.
This is a powerful, painful, and inspiring story that is immensely needed. Conversion therapy for minors remains legal in about half of the states in the U.S., despite the fact that that “Research consistently demonstrates that ‘conversion therapy’ is associated with an extensive list of long-lasting social and emotional consequences,” according to the American Psychological Association.
This book is for anyone who is doing the holy work of coming home to your authentic self in a world that has told you that you are anything less than beloved.
Thank you to the publisher for my advance copy of this book.
“We were selling belonging, a family for the lonely, but delivered exclusion. We promoted grace and acceptance but practiced judgment. And we preached authenticity while demanding conformity. It was the great paradox of modern evangelicalism.”
“My ideas of faithfulness were tangled up in sacrifice: that to truly serve God, someone like me had to lay down the desire to love and be loved. …I wrestled with what it meant to be faithful and whether faithfulness for me would always mean denying love itself.”
“I learned the hard way that true surrender isn’t giving up who you are, it’s laying down the burden of who others want you to be.”
This is an absolute gift of a book! I’m grateful to the author for his courage in sharing this captivating memoir. Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez tells his story as a gay Christian growing up in the world of evangelicalism, earnestly seeking to please God through years of conversion therapy and prayers to be “ex-gay.” He details his suffering due to the growing divide between his true self and the image he had to project in his work as “an invisible architect behind evangelical Christianity’s digital empire, crafting messages of belonging for some of the most influential megachurches.”
This is a story of hard-won freedom in discovering that the love and worthiness we often work so hard to earn has always belonged to us.
The writing is superb, with words woven like magic into a spell that grabbed me and pulled me into the story, holding my rapt attention to the end. The author portrays the people in his story with compassion while remaining clear about the harm he experienced. His faithfulness in wrestling with his beliefs and identity embodies an authentic, admirable faith.
Though I am sad to say that this is one of thousands of stories of the harm wrought by conversion therapy, I appreciate Schraeder Rodriguez’s perspective as a biracial adoptee who remained in contact with his birth family. Themes of identity and belonging are carried through complex family dynamics.
This is a powerful, painful, and inspiring story that is immensely needed. Conversion therapy for minors remains legal in about half of the states in the U.S., despite the fact that that “Research consistently demonstrates that ‘conversion therapy’ is associated with an extensive list of long-lasting social and emotional consequences,” according to the American Psychological Association.
This book is for anyone who is doing the holy work of coming home to your authentic self in a world that has told you that you are anything less than beloved.
Thank you to the publisher for my advance copy of this book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews