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A Small Cup of Light: A Drink in the Desert
The book that J.I. Packer called, "Haunting, deeply pondered, and beautifully written," is changing lives. A Small Cup of Light is the story of an unexpected encounter with God in the desert of despair.
Several years ago, Ben Palpant suffered a sudden and massive health collapse that crippled many of his faculties nearly overnight. That experience prompted him to ask the hard questions, like, "What shall we do when confronted with the ache of our suffering in the presence of a living God?"
Palpant's story is proof that a relationship with God can be more intimate not in spite of suffering, but because of suffering. A Small Cup of Light is a bold invitation to face God in the darkness. It is a rousing call to the human spirit, offering hope to the hopeless and a song to the suffering.
Several years ago, Ben Palpant suffered a sudden and massive health collapse that crippled many of his faculties nearly overnight. That experience prompted him to ask the hard questions, like, "What shall we do when confronted with the ache of our suffering in the presence of a living God?"
Palpant's story is proof that a relationship with God can be more intimate not in spite of suffering, but because of suffering. A Small Cup of Light is a bold invitation to face God in the darkness. It is a rousing call to the human spirit, offering hope to the hopeless and a song to the suffering.
194 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 2014
7 people are currently reading
317 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 60 reviews
May 1, 2015
This is simply a superb book. It is beautifully written, theologically rigorous, elegantly typeset, and carefully designed. Every page was easy to look at and equally easy to turn.
This is book for anyone dealing with (apparently) inexplicable suffering. That may be you, or it may be someone close to you. In this book, Ben Palpant raises all the hard questions without flinching, and offers clear and careful answers that go all the way down to the right part of the soul. He does this without patronizing anybody, or patting the back of the reader's hand once.
I don't want to say too much about it because, even though it is non-fiction, I don't want to create the spoiler effect of telling you in summary what he says so well over the course of the book. But I will tell you one thing. Palpant is a teacher in one of our classical Christian schools here in the Pacific Northwest, and one day, some years ago, the lights in the city of his mind began to go out, one by one. Everything shut down. He didn't know what was happening, or why it was happening. "What I wanted most of all, and what they couldn't deliver, was a name for my illness" (p. 26). The harrowing story of the many months that followed is remarkable for how complicated it all is, and how simple it remains.
I know that many would be encouraged by this book, and want to urge them to it. The Puritans were great on the subject of affliction, and here in this book we have that same set of sensibilities in modern guise. One Puritan once said that affliction was a dirty lane to a royal palace, and that is the testimony of this book.
This is book for anyone dealing with (apparently) inexplicable suffering. That may be you, or it may be someone close to you. In this book, Ben Palpant raises all the hard questions without flinching, and offers clear and careful answers that go all the way down to the right part of the soul. He does this without patronizing anybody, or patting the back of the reader's hand once.
I don't want to say too much about it because, even though it is non-fiction, I don't want to create the spoiler effect of telling you in summary what he says so well over the course of the book. But I will tell you one thing. Palpant is a teacher in one of our classical Christian schools here in the Pacific Northwest, and one day, some years ago, the lights in the city of his mind began to go out, one by one. Everything shut down. He didn't know what was happening, or why it was happening. "What I wanted most of all, and what they couldn't deliver, was a name for my illness" (p. 26). The harrowing story of the many months that followed is remarkable for how complicated it all is, and how simple it remains.
I know that many would be encouraged by this book, and want to urge them to it. The Puritans were great on the subject of affliction, and here in this book we have that same set of sensibilities in modern guise. One Puritan once said that affliction was a dirty lane to a royal palace, and that is the testimony of this book.
February 21, 2024
"The next time I find myself in the wilderness . . . I will not wait in a small red chair for a moment in the snow to force dependence upon me. I will seek dependency out, prayerfully nudging my soul into God's presence. I will ask God to say to me what he has brought me into the desert to say."
Weakness is the way. Just need to keep hearing that truth over and over again.
Third review, 4/8/2020
“Christ leads us into the wilderness of suffering to engage us there. When he meets us in the wilderness, he is manna, he is water from a broken rock. But he is also the one who wants us to potently feel our lack so that we cling to him. The Apostle Paul expressed as much when he wrote, we are 'sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.' God is the one who leads us into the desert and who makes us feel exposed and frail there. He is the one who turns the wilderness into a womb from which his children are born into gladness. And, like Hagar, we cry, 'You are the God who sees.'”
I am running out of words with which to express how much I love this book and how much it means to me. Quite simply, it's one of the best books I've ever read. I say that with not even an ounce of hyperbole. This is the third time I've read it in the last 18 months or so—the first two times because I wanted to, this time because I needed to. While I was astounded at its message and its beauty the first two times, I don't think I truly understood it in my innermost being until now. In the midst of the current COVID-19 pandemic, God has led me into a personal wilderness the likes of which I haven't really faced before, and I have been struggling in my soul as Ben Palpant did until he learned to wait, sit still, listen, and embrace the story God was telling. Rereading this book has brought one small cup of light after another to me as I also learn to wait patiently in the darkness, listening to the song God is singing to me and singing my own songs of joy, fear, longing, pain, trust, uncertainty, and hope back to Him.
Second review, 1/17/2020
"Though night may again fall upon me suddenly, you, O God, will be my refuge. Though I find myself in a desert, stumbling beneath a starless sky, still, I will listen for the shy song of that small bird, Hope. I will follow it, weeping and singing.
So it is and so it will be.
Weep and sing.
Despair is not the only viable response to suffering. I offer a different one: celebration. I celebrate God in all his majesty. I celebrate frailty. I celebrate dependency, yearning, and smallness. Hatched into life beneath an opal sky, I wing my way to God. Even in the night, I rise as a dove and perch alone on the housetop. In the darkness of affliction, I will sing."
Where's the 10-star rating option, Goodreads? This book is phenomenal in every way possible. Read it.
Originally, I called this my new go-to book on suffering. Now I'm just calling it one of my go-to books, period. I need the check on my own heart, which often despises weakness and loves to worship at the altar of self-sufficiency. I need that firsthand look at being ushered into the presence of God so that my heart craves being there, too.
First review, 1/26/2019
“Yes, we are raw. Yes, we are in the dark belly of a whale. Yes, we ache. Who can be Jesus' "little sunbeam" at such a time? Would Jesus even want such a thing? He is after much more than happiness in our lives. He is after a sustaining joy and he will give us that joy by giving us himself, whether through the small gifts of life that bring us gladness or through the dark night of suffering. Sweeping affliction under the rug of our heart, therefore, is simple denial, an act of cowardice, and act of ungratefulness. We must dare to look it square in the eyes.”
I just spent the past three hours reading this book cover to cover. I found it, quite simply, astounding. We snicker gently about the college students who highlight or underline every word in their textbook, deeming them all to be important. It was with great restraint, however, that I did not underline every word in this book. What an exquisite melding of truth and beauty. This is not a dry theological treatise on suffering. This is a raw, moving, poetically-written account of one man's encounter with the living God in the midst of the desert.
I personally resonated with Ben's struggle because I, too, have loved to cling to the illusion of self-reliance. Though my story, of course, has not looked just like Ben's, I have also experienced God as the one "who leads us into the desert and who makes us feel exposed and frail there." And like Ben, I'm learning to "seek dependency out, prayerfully nudging my soul into God's presence."
This has to be one of my new go-to books on suffering. Whatever my next trial may be, I'll be returning to it to seek out my own small cup of light.
Weakness is the way. Just need to keep hearing that truth over and over again.
Third review, 4/8/2020
“Christ leads us into the wilderness of suffering to engage us there. When he meets us in the wilderness, he is manna, he is water from a broken rock. But he is also the one who wants us to potently feel our lack so that we cling to him. The Apostle Paul expressed as much when he wrote, we are 'sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.' God is the one who leads us into the desert and who makes us feel exposed and frail there. He is the one who turns the wilderness into a womb from which his children are born into gladness. And, like Hagar, we cry, 'You are the God who sees.'”
I am running out of words with which to express how much I love this book and how much it means to me. Quite simply, it's one of the best books I've ever read. I say that with not even an ounce of hyperbole. This is the third time I've read it in the last 18 months or so—the first two times because I wanted to, this time because I needed to. While I was astounded at its message and its beauty the first two times, I don't think I truly understood it in my innermost being until now. In the midst of the current COVID-19 pandemic, God has led me into a personal wilderness the likes of which I haven't really faced before, and I have been struggling in my soul as Ben Palpant did until he learned to wait, sit still, listen, and embrace the story God was telling. Rereading this book has brought one small cup of light after another to me as I also learn to wait patiently in the darkness, listening to the song God is singing to me and singing my own songs of joy, fear, longing, pain, trust, uncertainty, and hope back to Him.
Second review, 1/17/2020
"Though night may again fall upon me suddenly, you, O God, will be my refuge. Though I find myself in a desert, stumbling beneath a starless sky, still, I will listen for the shy song of that small bird, Hope. I will follow it, weeping and singing.
So it is and so it will be.
Weep and sing.
Despair is not the only viable response to suffering. I offer a different one: celebration. I celebrate God in all his majesty. I celebrate frailty. I celebrate dependency, yearning, and smallness. Hatched into life beneath an opal sky, I wing my way to God. Even in the night, I rise as a dove and perch alone on the housetop. In the darkness of affliction, I will sing."
Where's the 10-star rating option, Goodreads? This book is phenomenal in every way possible. Read it.
Originally, I called this my new go-to book on suffering. Now I'm just calling it one of my go-to books, period. I need the check on my own heart, which often despises weakness and loves to worship at the altar of self-sufficiency. I need that firsthand look at being ushered into the presence of God so that my heart craves being there, too.
First review, 1/26/2019
“Yes, we are raw. Yes, we are in the dark belly of a whale. Yes, we ache. Who can be Jesus' "little sunbeam" at such a time? Would Jesus even want such a thing? He is after much more than happiness in our lives. He is after a sustaining joy and he will give us that joy by giving us himself, whether through the small gifts of life that bring us gladness or through the dark night of suffering. Sweeping affliction under the rug of our heart, therefore, is simple denial, an act of cowardice, and act of ungratefulness. We must dare to look it square in the eyes.”
I just spent the past three hours reading this book cover to cover. I found it, quite simply, astounding. We snicker gently about the college students who highlight or underline every word in their textbook, deeming them all to be important. It was with great restraint, however, that I did not underline every word in this book. What an exquisite melding of truth and beauty. This is not a dry theological treatise on suffering. This is a raw, moving, poetically-written account of one man's encounter with the living God in the midst of the desert.
I personally resonated with Ben's struggle because I, too, have loved to cling to the illusion of self-reliance. Though my story, of course, has not looked just like Ben's, I have also experienced God as the one "who leads us into the desert and who makes us feel exposed and frail there." And like Ben, I'm learning to "seek dependency out, prayerfully nudging my soul into God's presence."
This has to be one of my new go-to books on suffering. Whatever my next trial may be, I'll be returning to it to seek out my own small cup of light.
December 18, 2021
This was lovely. I couldn't identify with the particularities of the author's affliction, nor of the specific lessons he learned from it, but the root nature of any affliction is a sort of universal language, and any affliction is an arrow intended to point us to God in one way or another (and piercing us along the way).
I actually read this one in print (out of necessity, since there is no audio version), so I've got some quotes to share (page numbers in parens):
I did have some quibbles with the copyediting and the typesetting, but we'll chalk those up to occupational hazards. And I had some quibbles with his take on Hagar, but it's a view many people hold. The one thing I thought was missing was a diagnosis. I wouldn't have wanted a digression into a full-blown medical memoir, but a sentence along the lines of "I was finally diagnosed with X, and the prognosis is Y" or "My doctors remain completely baffled as to what caused my symptoms" would have sufficed.
I actually read this one in print (out of necessity, since there is no audio version), so I've got some quotes to share (page numbers in parens):
"Affliction is a treasure, and scarce any man hath enough of it." [John Donne, Meditation XVII] (29)
The thought did not cross my mind at the time that I was being selved in the womb of suffering. I was becoming a new self. I was being birthed, somehow, again, in the darkness, feeling the constrictive pressures of labor. (58)
If a person truly desires God, he must welcome whatever means God uses to initiate that encounter, whether laughter or grief. . . . God has proved himself an overwhelming God, unthwarted and determined, bent in doing whatever he must do to bring people to himself. (67)
God did not give me suffering so that I might look beyond it to some happy vale of future delight. He gave me suffering as a gift to be held in the present moment, just as he has given me happiness as a gift in the here and now. (120)
Joy sometimes saddles despair's back. . . . it is possible to ride despair toward God. . . . love is bit and bridle, despair, the beast. To live well is to learn how to ride, how to lean into grief. (129)
"You never get over grief. It's part of you forever, and you can only learn to wear it well." [quoting a friend] (130–31)
The dark moments of our existence are also worth valuing, because they are an essential part of the story that a good God is telling. . . . I am imagined by God, tremors included. I am his precious character living out a small bit part in his epic. [channeling N. D. Wilson] (131)
Anticipating death and calling it gain, Christians are evangelists of the grotesque. [channeling Flannery O'Connor] (133)
The Anglo-Saxon people imagined the crucified Christ as a warrior mounting his war horse. Glad anguish. [my favorite phrase in the book, I think] (134)
We will spend eternity gripped by a deep, gut-level thankfulness. [so we might as well start practicing now] (134–35)
I did have some quibbles with the copyediting and the typesetting, but we'll chalk those up to occupational hazards. And I had some quibbles with his take on Hagar, but it's a view many people hold. The one thing I thought was missing was a diagnosis. I wouldn't have wanted a digression into a full-blown medical memoir, but a sentence along the lines of "I was finally diagnosed with X, and the prognosis is Y" or "My doctors remain completely baffled as to what caused my symptoms" would have sufficed.
March 4, 2024
I have not personally suffered much; there is still time. However, I have witnessed my mother (and now mother-in-law) live faithfully with chronic pain, watched my father be afflicted with various serious pains and conditions, and stood by as my aunt passed away from a time shortly after professing saving faith. Sufferings have hit close to me, though they have yet to focus on me.
In some ways my parents’ suffering is the best inheritance I could be given. This quote particularly resonated: “Under the strain of their father’s pain, my children learned how to look to God for help. They learned to rely upon him and to extend his grace into their father’s life.”
This book was indeed a small cup of light, and at the same time a good glimpse at what that suffering in the dark feels like.
In some ways my parents’ suffering is the best inheritance I could be given. This quote particularly resonated: “Under the strain of their father’s pain, my children learned how to look to God for help. They learned to rely upon him and to extend his grace into their father’s life.”
This book was indeed a small cup of light, and at the same time a good glimpse at what that suffering in the dark feels like.
April 13, 2017
This book got uncomfortably under my skin--so deeply that at times I had to put it down, terrified, because it seemed to be about me. It held up a mirror unlike any other I've ever faced. Unlike for Ben Palpant, suffering (especially physical suffering) has barely touched my life, but like Ben, I find myself addicted to busyness, to never admitting weakness, to working so hard to check the boxes FOR God that I forget to sit at His feet and just listen. Be still.
If you're at all like that, or if you're facing illness and pain, or if you're just a normal Christian walking along through life, read this book. Bolster yourself with a true, terrifying story, beautifully written, of a man who's been to hell and back and has learned to rejoice with God in the darkness.
If you're at all like that, or if you're facing illness and pain, or if you're just a normal Christian walking along through life, read this book. Bolster yourself with a true, terrifying story, beautifully written, of a man who's been to hell and back and has learned to rejoice with God in the darkness.
February 12, 2017
Read it in readiness for suffering. Read it in the midst of suffering. Read it if you want to fix the character of Almighty God in the centre of your trial - and your triumph.
A quick, honest and arresting little book, full of hope and truth.
(A few too many similes at times for me - the desire to be poetic smudged the profundity at times...but by the end of the book I was thinking, "This is a book I'd want to make my companion in the valley of the shadow.")
A quick, honest and arresting little book, full of hope and truth.
(A few too many similes at times for me - the desire to be poetic smudged the profundity at times...but by the end of the book I was thinking, "This is a book I'd want to make my companion in the valley of the shadow.")
September 10, 2021
Exactly the book I needed this week. Very grateful for how this book stumbled into my hands.
April 18, 2025
Easy to read and very thoughtful.
P. 64: The thought did not cross my mind, at the time, that I was being selved in the womb of suffering. I was becoming a new self. I was being birthed, somehow, again, in the darkness, feeling the constrictive pressures of labor. The anguish squeezed my spiritual lungs, and I floundered in despair.
P. 69: it didn’t register with me that maybe what I was doing in God‘s name wasn’t as essential as what God was doing in his name.
P. 152: Despair is not the only viable response to suffering. I offer a different one: celebration. I celebrate God in all his majesty. I celebrate frailty. I celebrate dependency, yearning, and smallness… In the darkness of affliction, I will sing.
P. 160: Anticipating death and calling it gain, Christians are evangelists of the grotesque. The very hope of the Gospel rests directly upon our ability to imagine a world in which suffering serves as the soil from which resurrection springs.
P. 162: We will spend eternity remembering his suffering on our behalf and rejoicing because we will fully understand how his suffering and our suffering glorified the father. I have a hunch that we’ll spend eternity remembering our own suffering also, learning how to wear it well, remembering that Christ’s suffering redeemed our own, and realizing how our trials worked to glorify God, the great Story-Teller. All our singing will be prompted not by forgetfulness, but by thankfulness.
P. 183: Busyness isn’t a virtue and most of the activity in our life simply distracts us from listening to God’s still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12). It often keeps us not only from encountering God, but from a genuine encounter with real people in real time.
P. 64: The thought did not cross my mind, at the time, that I was being selved in the womb of suffering. I was becoming a new self. I was being birthed, somehow, again, in the darkness, feeling the constrictive pressures of labor. The anguish squeezed my spiritual lungs, and I floundered in despair.
P. 69: it didn’t register with me that maybe what I was doing in God‘s name wasn’t as essential as what God was doing in his name.
P. 152: Despair is not the only viable response to suffering. I offer a different one: celebration. I celebrate God in all his majesty. I celebrate frailty. I celebrate dependency, yearning, and smallness… In the darkness of affliction, I will sing.
P. 160: Anticipating death and calling it gain, Christians are evangelists of the grotesque. The very hope of the Gospel rests directly upon our ability to imagine a world in which suffering serves as the soil from which resurrection springs.
P. 162: We will spend eternity remembering his suffering on our behalf and rejoicing because we will fully understand how his suffering and our suffering glorified the father. I have a hunch that we’ll spend eternity remembering our own suffering also, learning how to wear it well, remembering that Christ’s suffering redeemed our own, and realizing how our trials worked to glorify God, the great Story-Teller. All our singing will be prompted not by forgetfulness, but by thankfulness.
P. 183: Busyness isn’t a virtue and most of the activity in our life simply distracts us from listening to God’s still, small voice (1 Kings 19:12). It often keeps us not only from encountering God, but from a genuine encounter with real people in real time.
January 26, 2019
This is a biography, a book of poetry, a book of theology, and a book on suffering. It is beautifully written, and very engaging.
April 9, 2024
A short and lovely book of reflections on suffering. There were many quotable lines in this book, many of which will stay with me. Not always easy to read, but so important. A great book to share with anyone going through a hard time.
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July 10, 2024I cannot say that this is my favourite book. But I can say that it’s “Top 5” for me. Most of us will not have the same kind of trials in our lives that Job had. We see the principles for accepting innocent suffering in our lives in light of God’s providence and goodness in Job.
But reading Ben’s book, I was struck by the fact that his suffering, while specific to him, is representative of the kind of trial that many of us will face in our lifetimes. We should be able to read what Ben went through confident that life in this fallen world will put us face to face with a similar level of suffering in our own lives. Most of us will be able to pick this book up at some point in life and think, “Me too!”
And Ben’s reflection on the importance of dependence on Christ in suffering could not be more relevant, poignant, or honouring to God. I was blessed by this book. I will read it again—probably starting next week. Praise God for the wisdom he has allowed our brother to gain through his trials.
But reading Ben’s book, I was struck by the fact that his suffering, while specific to him, is representative of the kind of trial that many of us will face in our lifetimes. We should be able to read what Ben went through confident that life in this fallen world will put us face to face with a similar level of suffering in our own lives. Most of us will be able to pick this book up at some point in life and think, “Me too!”
And Ben’s reflection on the importance of dependence on Christ in suffering could not be more relevant, poignant, or honouring to God. I was blessed by this book. I will read it again—probably starting next week. Praise God for the wisdom he has allowed our brother to gain through his trials.
March 15, 2016
A compelling account of a journey from self-reliance, to a crash in the dark, to an encounter with God and a bit of light.
This short book was enormously convicting and encouraging to me personally, as Palpant has the same idol I tend to have: self-reliant productivity. The dangerous tendency to believe that I am my work, and can do it on my own.
He hits every note well: how our fears drive us, the need to surrender to God, His sovereign control in trials, how He gives us just enough manna in our desert to make it, how He is teaching us in our suffering.
Get this book to recover your anchor in the Lord in the fiery trial God takes you through. Depend on the Lord, as a servant looks to his master (Psalm 131).
This short book was enormously convicting and encouraging to me personally, as Palpant has the same idol I tend to have: self-reliant productivity. The dangerous tendency to believe that I am my work, and can do it on my own.
He hits every note well: how our fears drive us, the need to surrender to God, His sovereign control in trials, how He gives us just enough manna in our desert to make it, how He is teaching us in our suffering.
Get this book to recover your anchor in the Lord in the fiery trial God takes you through. Depend on the Lord, as a servant looks to his master (Psalm 131).
May 19, 2015
This book is not primarily a theodicy, an attempt to explain how a good God permits suffering, but an exploration of the way suffering prompts us to examine our own hearts in the presence of a perfectly loving and all-powerful God; to learn, however painfully, to acknowledge our frailty and lean on the all-sufficiency of Christ. This accent on God's sovereignty is something that not every reader is going to be able to swallow, but it is worth going on this journey with Ben Palpant and wrestling with it.
I don't recommend reading this book in public if you're at all given to tears.
I don't recommend reading this book in public if you're at all given to tears.
November 4, 2024
Palpant is a faithful reporter of the Flannery O'Connor style dark grace he experienced, which happens to fall precisely in an area where moderns (such as myself) have trouble.* Highly recommended.
*Equating our spiritual growth as children of God with the level of frenzied, productive activity we have attained to (kind of like Mormons).
*Equating our spiritual growth as children of God with the level of frenzied, productive activity we have attained to (kind of like Mormons).
November 16, 2015
One of the most beautiful and encouraging and theologically sound books I've read on suffering. A must read.
May 11, 2016
Wow this book is amazing. Ben palpant had incredible insight during his strange sickness. It was such an encouraging read and makes me want to have as much faith in all situations as he did!
February 26, 2023
Please read this book. Move it to the top of your TBR pile. Palpant speaks joy and peace and truth about suffering.
August 22, 2022
Suffering does not call into question the existence of a good God; rather, it calls into question our lives. Who am I? Why am I here? I am a part of his story. I am the epiphany of God. I am a character whose life events have a purpose for me and for the story.
what we call normal life is an anesthetic against the reality of our distance from God. In other words, our passing day-to-day routines act as cloud cover that shrouds our vision and keeps us from recognizing our absolute smallness and isolation. The sudden onslaught of suffering exposed John of the Cross’s inner self to the raw ache for a God who was utterly out of reach; at least, out of reach by our own efforts. Yes, we are raw. Yes, we are in the dark belly of a whale. Yes, we ache.
An idol is actually anything that promises to deliver us from death.” He paused as the fragments of my mind began to coalesce. “What is death to you, Ben?” I knew exactly what death was to me. “Failure is death. Any form of failure, even disappointing someone, is death to me,” I said. “And what promises to save you from that death?”
In God’s timing, certainly not my own, I had discovered what I wanted all along. Something in me had asked the decisive question: “What have I to do anymore with idols?” God heard my cry and responded: “I have heard and observed [you]. I am like a green cypress tree; your fruit is found in me.”2 Though The Lord has graciously given me this taste of my deep need, my steps toward spiritual dependence are still halting. The next time I find myself in the wilderness, however, I will not wait in a small red chair for a moment in the snow to force dependence upon me. I will seek dependency out, prayerfully nudging my soul into God’s presence. I will ask God to say to me what he has brought me into the desert to say. I have started praying more intentionally. Each morning, I begin with these words: “Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy.” I read Psalm 51 often. “O purify me, then I shall be clean!” and “Do not cast me away from your presence.”
Suffering dissolves the illusion of my own self focus. Suffering is a thrust, a nudge, away from my swollen self-intoxication which sends me stumbling into the presence of God where joy is found. The life of true freedom and wholeness is found only in the lap of God where I most dread to go and where I most want to be.
Another small piece of advice is that a person’s suffering might be for you as much as for them. I think it’s easy to get self-righteous and assume that someone else’s suffering is God working on them, but it might very well be that their suffering is for you, not them. Maybe God is using their suffering to draw you closer to himself.
what we call normal life is an anesthetic against the reality of our distance from God. In other words, our passing day-to-day routines act as cloud cover that shrouds our vision and keeps us from recognizing our absolute smallness and isolation. The sudden onslaught of suffering exposed John of the Cross’s inner self to the raw ache for a God who was utterly out of reach; at least, out of reach by our own efforts. Yes, we are raw. Yes, we are in the dark belly of a whale. Yes, we ache.
An idol is actually anything that promises to deliver us from death.” He paused as the fragments of my mind began to coalesce. “What is death to you, Ben?” I knew exactly what death was to me. “Failure is death. Any form of failure, even disappointing someone, is death to me,” I said. “And what promises to save you from that death?”
In God’s timing, certainly not my own, I had discovered what I wanted all along. Something in me had asked the decisive question: “What have I to do anymore with idols?” God heard my cry and responded: “I have heard and observed [you]. I am like a green cypress tree; your fruit is found in me.”2 Though The Lord has graciously given me this taste of my deep need, my steps toward spiritual dependence are still halting. The next time I find myself in the wilderness, however, I will not wait in a small red chair for a moment in the snow to force dependence upon me. I will seek dependency out, prayerfully nudging my soul into God’s presence. I will ask God to say to me what he has brought me into the desert to say. I have started praying more intentionally. Each morning, I begin with these words: “Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy.” I read Psalm 51 often. “O purify me, then I shall be clean!” and “Do not cast me away from your presence.”
Suffering dissolves the illusion of my own self focus. Suffering is a thrust, a nudge, away from my swollen self-intoxication which sends me stumbling into the presence of God where joy is found. The life of true freedom and wholeness is found only in the lap of God where I most dread to go and where I most want to be.
Another small piece of advice is that a person’s suffering might be for you as much as for them. I think it’s easy to get self-righteous and assume that someone else’s suffering is God working on them, but it might very well be that their suffering is for you, not them. Maybe God is using their suffering to draw you closer to himself.
October 10, 2023
I had the pleasure of editing Ben Palpant's work for Canon Press at one point, and during that time I noticed that he had written this one.
The short and long of it is that Ben Palpant came down with a mysterious illness that prevented him from working or engaging in physical activity. This led to an emotional collapse as well as to a physical one in which he had to stop distracting Himself with buysness and turn to God for help.
The beauty of this book is that it's short and beautifully written. I would put this book up with Lindsey Tollefson's Psalms for Trials, Rachel Jankovic's You Who, and most memorably Hannah Grieser's The Clouds Ye So Much Dread as part of the modern Puritan writings. Palpant really is able to show the frustration of a man who has made productivity his idol coming to the end of himelf. More than anything, Palpant made quiet trust in God during suffering beautiful. Often peace in suffering can come across as quietistic. Palpant makes you realize how dearly bought that kind of peace is.
My one complaint about the book is that, though it alludes the sin of anger against God, it doesn't really say much about the sins that can be committed in suffering. But, the book is so good and beautiful that I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for encouragement.
If you're like me, you will be a tad disappointed with the small amount of information given about the circumstances of Palpant's illness and you will skip past the more poetic bits because you want to find out about how the author came to God. But kudos to Ben for giving me story-grip about whether he would submit to God's will.
I read it in one sitting too, which is always a bonus.
The short and long of it is that Ben Palpant came down with a mysterious illness that prevented him from working or engaging in physical activity. This led to an emotional collapse as well as to a physical one in which he had to stop distracting Himself with buysness and turn to God for help.
The beauty of this book is that it's short and beautifully written. I would put this book up with Lindsey Tollefson's Psalms for Trials, Rachel Jankovic's You Who, and most memorably Hannah Grieser's The Clouds Ye So Much Dread as part of the modern Puritan writings. Palpant really is able to show the frustration of a man who has made productivity his idol coming to the end of himelf. More than anything, Palpant made quiet trust in God during suffering beautiful. Often peace in suffering can come across as quietistic. Palpant makes you realize how dearly bought that kind of peace is.
My one complaint about the book is that, though it alludes the sin of anger against God, it doesn't really say much about the sins that can be committed in suffering. But, the book is so good and beautiful that I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for encouragement.
If you're like me, you will be a tad disappointed with the small amount of information given about the circumstances of Palpant's illness and you will skip past the more poetic bits because you want to find out about how the author came to God. But kudos to Ben for giving me story-grip about whether he would submit to God's will.
I read it in one sitting too, which is always a bonus.
August 15, 2025
This is my second read by Ben Palpant. I’ve literally never read two books more pertinent to the struggles I am currently facing. For the sake of those looking for a book of encouragement in their suffering, I’ll share briefly.
In February of this year I begin to wake every single night multiple times a night with what I now know are called “nocturnal panic attacks.” These attacks made me jolt awake screaming out loud, often running out of my room into the black night. To preface, I’ve always dealt heavily with anxiety and panic, but these events felt escalated and quite frankly demonic. The panic and terror sometimes would last all night, but pretty much every single night for about 6.5 months I would be forced awake multiple times at night (while also waking with a baby to feed him as well). For various reasons I cannot take medication and was forced to stare into the dark seemingly alone. I was not sleeping, I was depressed and at night I felt forced to do battle with a monster I didn’t have the tools to defeat.
I also felt betrayed a bit by God. Why would he allow such fear? Why would he allow me to get so little sleep - so little that my body began to have auto-immune type symptoms. I prayed, was prayed for, tried every natural supplement known to man, all to no avail. I felt trapped.
That being said, this book brought so much comfort and encouragement to me during one of the darkest seasons of my life. I am still not fully healed but I feel myself slowly coming out of the dark night of the soul cycle I’ve felt stuck in with no end in sight. This book, of course, didn’t heal me. But it did exactly what the title implies; it offered me sips of small cups of light to keep me hoping and keep me turning to the one true source of light, Jesus.
In February of this year I begin to wake every single night multiple times a night with what I now know are called “nocturnal panic attacks.” These attacks made me jolt awake screaming out loud, often running out of my room into the black night. To preface, I’ve always dealt heavily with anxiety and panic, but these events felt escalated and quite frankly demonic. The panic and terror sometimes would last all night, but pretty much every single night for about 6.5 months I would be forced awake multiple times at night (while also waking with a baby to feed him as well). For various reasons I cannot take medication and was forced to stare into the dark seemingly alone. I was not sleeping, I was depressed and at night I felt forced to do battle with a monster I didn’t have the tools to defeat.
I also felt betrayed a bit by God. Why would he allow such fear? Why would he allow me to get so little sleep - so little that my body began to have auto-immune type symptoms. I prayed, was prayed for, tried every natural supplement known to man, all to no avail. I felt trapped.
That being said, this book brought so much comfort and encouragement to me during one of the darkest seasons of my life. I am still not fully healed but I feel myself slowly coming out of the dark night of the soul cycle I’ve felt stuck in with no end in sight. This book, of course, didn’t heal me. But it did exactly what the title implies; it offered me sips of small cups of light to keep me hoping and keep me turning to the one true source of light, Jesus.
May 28, 2018
From the author: "This book chronicles a two year physical, mental, and spiritual crisis, the effects of which I still carry with me."
When people ask for a book recommendation on suffering and trials, I usually point them to CSL's *A Grief Observed*. I will now first encourage them to savor Palpant's elegant and profound testimony. His reflections refresh the soul with cool spring water and balm the flesh like pure aloe. He doesn't pretend his story is ubiquitous or his pain the most extreme. Nevertheless, his invites the reader to revisit his own dark night of the soul so that "together we will discover what God led us into this wilderness to find: himself."
To whet your appetite:
- "Many such moments, unexpected cups of light, made my heart weep for joy and glimpse the sun again. Each moment reminded me that my weakness, my perceived failure, was bringing about a new birth not only in me, but in those around me."
- "...the process from pain to resolution is messy, made all the messier when I tried to evade it. God did not give me suffering so that I might only look beyond it to some happy vale of future delight. He gave me suffering as a gift to be held in the present moment, just as he has given me happiness as a gift of the here and now."
- "Exhausted from the stain, my girl keeps groaning, keeps pulling in small breaths. 'Oh, darling, it's alright to cry. It's alright,' I whisper. 'God's with you in this place right now. Better yet, he is painting you. These are the dark paint strokes; you, the masterpiece.'"
When people ask for a book recommendation on suffering and trials, I usually point them to CSL's *A Grief Observed*. I will now first encourage them to savor Palpant's elegant and profound testimony. His reflections refresh the soul with cool spring water and balm the flesh like pure aloe. He doesn't pretend his story is ubiquitous or his pain the most extreme. Nevertheless, his invites the reader to revisit his own dark night of the soul so that "together we will discover what God led us into this wilderness to find: himself."
To whet your appetite:
- "Many such moments, unexpected cups of light, made my heart weep for joy and glimpse the sun again. Each moment reminded me that my weakness, my perceived failure, was bringing about a new birth not only in me, but in those around me."
- "...the process from pain to resolution is messy, made all the messier when I tried to evade it. God did not give me suffering so that I might only look beyond it to some happy vale of future delight. He gave me suffering as a gift to be held in the present moment, just as he has given me happiness as a gift of the here and now."
- "Exhausted from the stain, my girl keeps groaning, keeps pulling in small breaths. 'Oh, darling, it's alright to cry. It's alright,' I whisper. 'God's with you in this place right now. Better yet, he is painting you. These are the dark paint strokes; you, the masterpiece.'"
September 5, 2023
I seldom read and review nonfiction. Not because I don't like it, but because most of what I read is research for writing. Author, Ben Palpant attended the Goodlit Writer's retreat with me and twelve other writers, where he shared beautiful fiction prose. I knew he had published before in the realm of nonfiction, so I thought I'd see what he had written when I got home. I'm so glad I did. A Small Cup of Light is the heart-wrenching and yet, joy filled story of a time in his life when he faced a difficult and scary health crisis. Ben takes that hard time and opens up about how God met him there after he learned to listen. This isn't a sugar-coated story of recovery. This is the honest story of a man who came face-to-face with crisis and found along with the anger, disappointment, and frustration, a joy that could only come from glorifying God. Ben's book will lift the weary and weighted and offer hope to all of us. His melodic writing comforts, along with the many references to scripture and wisdom from other writers which he quotes. He says, "The very hope of the Gospel rests directly upon our ability to imagine a world in which suffering serves as the soil from which resurrection springs." I highly recommend A Small Cup of Light. I purchased a copy.
June 21, 2017
I started reading this as I was preparing to preach a sermon in Job. I didn't finish before I preached, but I kept reading because the story and the writing were so good. More than that, I think there is narrative truth here: concepts that are thoroughly biblical, but are deepened and impressed upon the author and the reader (Lord willing) through seeing them lived out in someone undergoing suffering. The Q&A in the back of the book is a small treasure trove of wisdom, both for those undergoing suffering and for those hoping to comfort others in suffering. Overall, I highly recommend the book.
January 15, 2022
A very personal and deep look into suffering and why God would allow it. Would highly recommend to anyone.
“But how do we, a people so desperate for microwave solutions, embrace the mystery of a God who invites us into suffering? We want a checklist cure to our troubles, but God is less interested in solving them then he is in shaping us for eternity. As he sings the story of the world, he seems intent on weaving darkness into our individual stories, the memories of which we will always have.”
“But how do we, a people so desperate for microwave solutions, embrace the mystery of a God who invites us into suffering? We want a checklist cure to our troubles, but God is less interested in solving them then he is in shaping us for eternity. As he sings the story of the world, he seems intent on weaving darkness into our individual stories, the memories of which we will always have.”
January 27, 2019
Astonishingly powerful. No throw away paragraphs or pages in this book. One you will re-read for wisdom and insight again and again. You feel yourself gaining wisdom as each page is turned. This book is weighty. It is gold. Pure gold.
March 15, 2024
Humbling, encouraging, and edifying, no matter if you are dealing with spiritual heaviness, physical suffering, or you just need a reminder of who you are in Christ. It is also just a lovely read, blending scripture, poetry, memoir, and prose.
September 10, 2025
I felt like Palpant wrote this book for me. Suffering from chronic pain, his words written over 10 years ago ministered deeply to me today. I’m grateful for his obedience to write such honest, challenging and truthful words. This book was truly a small cup of light to my soul!
April 3, 2018
Simply wonderful. Written for those that are suffering, this book could benefit everyone. Read it.
June 9, 2018
Can’t say enough great things about this book! Beautifully written and like I was reading my own story at times.
August 13, 2019
Outstanding.
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