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30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control In Personal Relationships
Don’t allow manipulators to gain the upper hand.
This small but powerful 33-page book focuses succinctly on identifying emotional manipulation. You will learn thirty tactics manipulators use to get what they want. You'll also learn to spot the warning signs within yourself that expose covert manipulation is taking place, even if you can't identify the specific tactics being used.
This book is geared toward romantic relationships, especially those involving a pathological partner. Even so, the manipulation tactics covered are the same as those used by family members, coworkers, friends, and others.
Covert emotional manipulation tactics are underhanded methods of control. Emotional manipulation methodically wears down your self-worth and self-confidence, and damages your trust in your own perceptions. It can make you unwittingly compromise your personal values, leading to a loss of self-respect and a warped self-concept. With your defenses weakened or completely disarmed in this manner, you are left even more vulnerable to further manipulation.
Skilled manipulators get you to put your emotional well-being into their hands. Once you make that grave mistake, they methodically chip away at your identity and self-esteem until there’s little left, unless you identify it and put a stop to it.
Learn the manipulator's game, so they can't play it with you.
This small but powerful 33-page book focuses succinctly on identifying emotional manipulation. You will learn thirty tactics manipulators use to get what they want. You'll also learn to spot the warning signs within yourself that expose covert manipulation is taking place, even if you can't identify the specific tactics being used.
This book is geared toward romantic relationships, especially those involving a pathological partner. Even so, the manipulation tactics covered are the same as those used by family members, coworkers, friends, and others.
Covert emotional manipulation tactics are underhanded methods of control. Emotional manipulation methodically wears down your self-worth and self-confidence, and damages your trust in your own perceptions. It can make you unwittingly compromise your personal values, leading to a loss of self-respect and a warped self-concept. With your defenses weakened or completely disarmed in this manner, you are left even more vulnerable to further manipulation.
Skilled manipulators get you to put your emotional well-being into their hands. Once you make that grave mistake, they methodically chip away at your identity and self-esteem until there’s little left, unless you identify it and put a stop to it.
Learn the manipulator's game, so they can't play it with you.
76 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 6, 2014
515 people are currently reading
2369 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 109 reviews
December 1, 2017
So I’ve been on a bit of a war path reading about narcissism the last week and I’ve inhaled a number of books but for most, only part way because the writing is brash and littered w the still seemingly fresh vitriol the authors still harbor for their own abusers. Most of these books feel dehumanizing and while I get narcissist abuse or being in relationships w those who are pathological manipulators is awful, they are just really fucking wounded humans who may be wounded for life but still.
This book is NOT like that. Adelyn writes a very concise description of being in relationship w a manipulator (not specifically focused on a particular Personality Disorder) and w just facts and thoroughly documents the impacts of said traumas but without the dehumanization tactics of other books. She definitely doesn’t paint manipulators in a good light but just without the brazen insults.
After reading this I have a clear understanding of how I can tell within myself and my own actions if I’ve been in a manipulative relationship, what some common tactics are for those who are more covert in their actions/words and an understanding of how one should feel in a healthy relationship, which is great for those who may be realizing they’ve never been in one. I really appreciated the permission statements at the end too.
It’s a short read and she provides some supplemental reading which I’m interested in checking out. I definitely suggest this to anyone who has felt off in a relationship and just couldn’t put your finger on what exactly was off. It’s prob not you... you’ve probably been manipulated, which is a hard pill to swallow but a necessary one to take so you can be more aware for what to be on the look out for in the future and then.... RUN!
One of the books she recommended also focuses on what those who have been on the recipient end of manipulative abuse can look for in themselves to heal so they are LESS susceptible to being drawn to these characters, which I look forward to reading.
This book is NOT like that. Adelyn writes a very concise description of being in relationship w a manipulator (not specifically focused on a particular Personality Disorder) and w just facts and thoroughly documents the impacts of said traumas but without the dehumanization tactics of other books. She definitely doesn’t paint manipulators in a good light but just without the brazen insults.
After reading this I have a clear understanding of how I can tell within myself and my own actions if I’ve been in a manipulative relationship, what some common tactics are for those who are more covert in their actions/words and an understanding of how one should feel in a healthy relationship, which is great for those who may be realizing they’ve never been in one. I really appreciated the permission statements at the end too.
It’s a short read and she provides some supplemental reading which I’m interested in checking out. I definitely suggest this to anyone who has felt off in a relationship and just couldn’t put your finger on what exactly was off. It’s prob not you... you’ve probably been manipulated, which is a hard pill to swallow but a necessary one to take so you can be more aware for what to be on the look out for in the future and then.... RUN!
One of the books she recommended also focuses on what those who have been on the recipient end of manipulative abuse can look for in themselves to heal so they are LESS susceptible to being drawn to these characters, which I look forward to reading.
July 8, 2022
quick read and insightful.
July 17, 2019
A quick read to identify some manipulation that happens within a relationship, the format of presentation could be annoying at times since you have 30 manipulations which looked a lot for me to navigate but still you can easily remember the ones that clicks with you. A further reading is needed since you cannot take everything that is said here as something valid and cannot be doubted and the author did a good job by including more books to read about this topic.
March 27, 2015
Keep this list handy at all times!
I read this as part of Prime member's free reading, a loan. Going to buy this now so that I may remember when my boundaries are being intruded, and to give this list to people I care about. Manipulators are attracted to people they instinctively know they can manipulate.
I read this as part of Prime member's free reading, a loan. Going to buy this now so that I may remember when my boundaries are being intruded, and to give this list to people I care about. Manipulators are attracted to people they instinctively know they can manipulate.
December 6, 2019
Mostly full of fluff. There is some basic, defensive advice that's helpful, but it could have been half this length and would have likely been equally as effective.
April 29, 2015
Very interesting reading especially if you have ever been involved with a manipulator. Those who suspect someone of manipulation will find this useful as will those who want to confirm they weren't imagining things and you were indeed being manipulated. Will also help those who want to avoid getting involved with someone manipulative. Human. Behaviour is fascinating.
May 9, 2020
EYE OPENING!
A great book for anyone to read for future relationships or ones they may have in the future. Keeping your eyes open to this will keep your heart from a lot of pain and misery in the future. I highly recommend this book for dealing with all types of people.
A great book for anyone to read for future relationships or ones they may have in the future. Keeping your eyes open to this will keep your heart from a lot of pain and misery in the future. I highly recommend this book for dealing with all types of people.
September 11, 2023
10/10 recommend read for everyone. Was very easy to complete in a day. The book is directed at romantic relationships but it states that manipulation tactics are the same throughout any sort of personal relationships including friends, family and coworkers. Examples are provided that fit all. This was such an eye opening read for me, I thought I knew a lot about manipulative behaviors and people but there was so much in this I was not aware of and tactics I have never heard of prior, such as triangulation. This book not only covered tactics used so that you can be aware but also, it covered ways to armor yourself against manipulators. I feel more equipped to recognize signs and ways of combatting. I also used this as an opportunity to reflect on my own behaviors. Again, very eye opening to ensure I stay aligned with my values. Lastly, I LOVE that the author adds in other books on the topic that they suggest to read. I will be checking those out next.
August 13, 2022
“How someone responds to your emotions and perceptions will indicate how much they respect you, how much they care about you and your feelings, how capable they are of empathy and intimacy, and how much they are trying to change or control you.”
June 23, 2019
5 Stars
I should have read this years ago. Could have saved many years lost in “love” and many years of thinking I’m the crazy one. I’m the messed up one. Well, I definitely have my own issues, but the cycles: the love bombing, the idealizing, devaluing, & discarding are so apparent now looking back on my past relationships. I’ve wondered why I’m so lost & reclusive for years! I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I felt as if my old self had just disappeared & died somewhere along the way. I Even paid tens of thousands of dollars for therapy & yet it was always pointing to me as the problem. Again, I have my issues, but it was never brought to my attention that I was being manipulated. I would recommend this book to anyone in life. Male or female. Old or young! Break free from the bondage once & for all & don’t waste time with those who don’t love or deserve you.
I should have read this years ago. Could have saved many years lost in “love” and many years of thinking I’m the crazy one. I’m the messed up one. Well, I definitely have my own issues, but the cycles: the love bombing, the idealizing, devaluing, & discarding are so apparent now looking back on my past relationships. I’ve wondered why I’m so lost & reclusive for years! I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I felt as if my old self had just disappeared & died somewhere along the way. I Even paid tens of thousands of dollars for therapy & yet it was always pointing to me as the problem. Again, I have my issues, but it was never brought to my attention that I was being manipulated. I would recommend this book to anyone in life. Male or female. Old or young! Break free from the bondage once & for all & don’t waste time with those who don’t love or deserve you.
June 21, 2016
This book is loaded with information, but I can only give it two stars for a few reasons. I'd have given it another star if it had included examples of each type of manipulation instead of just a general definition. The grammar was bad and I can usually overlook that .. unless it's pretty bad. Overall the book is a good "pocket guide" look into the emotional manipulation that people purposely use, or use without realizing it. But not a book for those wanting to learn a lot about the subject.
January 25, 2017
Outstanding diagnostics, lacking in practical advice
If you don't know whether you are or a loved one is dealing with a covert manipulator or emotional abuser, this book offers an excellent blueprint for evaluating the situation. If you already know what the problem is and need guidance how to extricate yourself or how to manage unavoidable interactions, there's nothing here. The book just ends after presenting the diagnostics.
He does recommend several other sources at the end.
If you don't know whether you are or a loved one is dealing with a covert manipulator or emotional abuser, this book offers an excellent blueprint for evaluating the situation. If you already know what the problem is and need guidance how to extricate yourself or how to manage unavoidable interactions, there's nothing here. The book just ends after presenting the diagnostics.
He does recommend several other sources at the end.
September 28, 2015
Helpful
If I hadn't researched youtube so much I would have found this more useful, but the condensed affirmation of all that i have learnt is brilliant
I recommend it and would have loved to have come across this book in the early days of discovering narcissism and toxic personality disorders. It would have helped me a lot sooner.
If I hadn't researched youtube so much I would have found this more useful, but the condensed affirmation of all that i have learnt is brilliant
I recommend it and would have loved to have come across this book in the early days of discovering narcissism and toxic personality disorders. It would have helped me a lot sooner.
January 6, 2019
I swear the author was living in my house!
I read the book at the advice of my Therapist , I swear the author was living in my house taking an account of a 41 year marriage. I don't feel like I am going crazy anymore and I am on my way to finding a ",normal romantic relationship.,". Thank-you.
I read the book at the advice of my Therapist , I swear the author was living in my house taking an account of a 41 year marriage. I don't feel like I am going crazy anymore and I am on my way to finding a ",normal romantic relationship.,". Thank-you.
December 29, 2019
BRILLIANT!
I’m a retired psychotherapist married to a covert Narcissist/Minister of Religion for 58 years. I have learned so much reading this book even after years and years of endeavouring to understand the subtleties of the ‘game’ I have been unwittingly drawn into.
My heartfelt appreciation to the author: you have given me an invaluable gift - thank you.
I’m a retired psychotherapist married to a covert Narcissist/Minister of Religion for 58 years. I have learned so much reading this book even after years and years of endeavouring to understand the subtleties of the ‘game’ I have been unwittingly drawn into.
My heartfelt appreciation to the author: you have given me an invaluable gift - thank you.
June 28, 2016
Excellent read
Eye opening in examining the behavior of others as well as my own. Very well worth the time to read.
Eye opening in examining the behavior of others as well as my own. Very well worth the time to read.
March 3, 2019
Useful, but would have liked to see resources cited about how they got some of their information.
October 31, 2019
Very basic introduction to manipulation techniques. I did like this book because it was easy to follow and a quick refresher on problems. I also liked the additional book recommendations at the end.
July 23, 2024
Drawing from two decades of childhood and high-school trauma, books like these are necessary regular and frequent reminders over what I am signing up for. I am signing up for protecting my mental health, and my emotional well being. I am signing up for intimacy, not intensity. I am not here to subscribe to a relationship based on fear and uncertainty. I have prioritised these over specific roles in my life who've chosen to exploit my role in their lives. Roles like mother, father, son, daughter, wife, husband etc. only serve the purpose so far as the relationships are built on trust and compassion. NOT to exploit the said role in the relationship.
Victims of narcissistic abuse, owing to the history of power imbalance dynamics between themselves and their abusers, will often find themselves needing novel reminders in the form of therapy and books. I am assuming most fellow investigators of Narcissistic abuse, like myself, have read other works of NA as well. But shorter works like these feel like useful nudges to help me heal better. For healing is a continuous process.
I began reading this book frankly for that complying to these intentions in mind. I've abandoned and deliberately forgotten people in my life who've chosen to do what they do in their manipulative ways. I've lost track of the number of times I've sought to question myself over their intentions. Narcissists thrive on their victim's ignorance. Books like these not only remind me of my ignorance, but my childlike innocence.
Victims of narcissistic abuse, owing to the history of power imbalance dynamics between themselves and their abusers, will often find themselves needing novel reminders in the form of therapy and books. I am assuming most fellow investigators of Narcissistic abuse, like myself, have read other works of NA as well. But shorter works like these feel like useful nudges to help me heal better. For healing is a continuous process.
I began reading this book frankly for that complying to these intentions in mind. I've abandoned and deliberately forgotten people in my life who've chosen to do what they do in their manipulative ways. I've lost track of the number of times I've sought to question myself over their intentions. Narcissists thrive on their victim's ignorance. Books like these not only remind me of my ignorance, but my childlike innocence.
June 23, 2017
The book is divided into two parts: first it briefly describes 30 examples of covert manipulative behaviour, second elaborates three most important/common ones. This book would be more valuable for me if it provided more information about the remaining topics. What I missed as well are examples of particular wrong behaviour in the first part of the book - there are not so many, although the description itself is clear. Nevertheless examples would make this book easier to read.
Few times, reading this book, I wasn't sure if the author's intention was the readers to start being overly suspicious of other's activities. Some behaviour could be potentially a manipulative tactic, but it's not always the case - e.g. when a man tells a lot of compliments to a woman at the beginning of the relationship. I wasn't sure if some of the examples are good to be marked as manipulative techniques.
I appreciate the last chapter describing the basic human rights - what should be present in a healthy relationship.
The book is valuable and informative, although it left me with a feeling that it could be longer and provide more information about each of 30 tactics.
Few times, reading this book, I wasn't sure if the author's intention was the readers to start being overly suspicious of other's activities. Some behaviour could be potentially a manipulative tactic, but it's not always the case - e.g. when a man tells a lot of compliments to a woman at the beginning of the relationship. I wasn't sure if some of the examples are good to be marked as manipulative techniques.
I appreciate the last chapter describing the basic human rights - what should be present in a healthy relationship.
The book is valuable and informative, although it left me with a feeling that it could be longer and provide more information about each of 30 tactics.
April 15, 2020
It's better to learn manipulator's game, so they can't play it with us.
Adelyn Birch begins with an important distinction: “normal” manipulation and pathological manipulation.
We all play the game of trying to influence each other, but there is a significant difference between pathological manipulators. Pathological manipulators have no other way to relate to others and they cannot have a healthy and loving relationship.
Identifying covert manipulation is tricky. We sense something is wrong, but we can't put our finger on the problem. This powerful book will reveal to us if manipulation is at play in our relationships.
I really liked “30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics” and I learned a lot with it.
Specifically, it helped me to deepen my understanding of emotional abuse and the dynamics of power in relationships.
I also loved the Birch’s presentation of invalidation as an emotionally harmful behavior and her analysis of bonding through intensity and intermittent reinforcement.
Adelyn Birch begins with an important distinction: “normal” manipulation and pathological manipulation.
We all play the game of trying to influence each other, but there is a significant difference between pathological manipulators. Pathological manipulators have no other way to relate to others and they cannot have a healthy and loving relationship.
Identifying covert manipulation is tricky. We sense something is wrong, but we can't put our finger on the problem. This powerful book will reveal to us if manipulation is at play in our relationships.
I really liked “30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics” and I learned a lot with it.
Specifically, it helped me to deepen my understanding of emotional abuse and the dynamics of power in relationships.
I also loved the Birch’s presentation of invalidation as an emotionally harmful behavior and her analysis of bonding through intensity and intermittent reinforcement.
Read
July 21, 2020it was definitely a great read. unlike a lot of books which use 3729648476 words extra just to repeat their same damn point, it was precise and informative. would recommend it for anyone who suspects they might not be in a healthy relation and everyone else who's simply interested in the subject like i was. though i'd like to add that the manipulator is presented as the ultimate villain, which is the case at times, but not always. we must empathise with the manipulator and try to understand why they became one, sometimes they don't choose to be who they are. the following is a link to a blog by a once-manipulator explaining the inside perspective.
https://medium.com/moments-of-passion...
the rest is covered in the book so i'll shut up so you can read :)
https://medium.com/moments-of-passion...
the rest is covered in the book so i'll shut up so you can read :)
July 27, 2020
I had a vulnerable/fragile narcisisst in my life at one point and luckily only for 8 months - it is eerie and downright scary though that in the mere eight months most of these tactics were used on me without me realising (except lying but this was followed by gaslighting). The only thing I had to go on was the gut instict which I overrode time and time again...
The author recommends to consider the trustworthiness of each person on an ongoing basis. Once he or she gains your trust, it's very easy for them to get away with a lot of bad behavior. After all, you have a solid image of them as trustworthy. But trust shouldn't be given once and then last forever - it should be re-evluated as needed.
This is a handy and succint list of covert manipulation tactics that some people might use on us - it is good to know them.
The author recommends to consider the trustworthiness of each person on an ongoing basis. Once he or she gains your trust, it's very easy for them to get away with a lot of bad behavior. After all, you have a solid image of them as trustworthy. But trust shouldn't be given once and then last forever - it should be re-evluated as needed.
This is a handy and succint list of covert manipulation tactics that some people might use on us - it is good to know them.
January 5, 2018
Eye opener
This book opened my eyes to many of my turbulent close relationships and I was astonished that I had no idea how to explain to friends the ups and downs. The roping you in and discarding you. The fear, anxiety, and confusion created by the manipulator eats away at you till you are a shell of your former self.
Loved this book as it explained exactly how manipulators rope you in. Their true intentions and the physiological damage inflicted on their victim. In my experience I didn't know what was going on in the relationship and began to think it was me.
Definitely recommend this book to anyone to read just to be aware of mental abuse
It certainly opened my eyes.
This book opened my eyes to many of my turbulent close relationships and I was astonished that I had no idea how to explain to friends the ups and downs. The roping you in and discarding you. The fear, anxiety, and confusion created by the manipulator eats away at you till you are a shell of your former self.
Loved this book as it explained exactly how manipulators rope you in. Their true intentions and the physiological damage inflicted on their victim. In my experience I didn't know what was going on in the relationship and began to think it was me.
Definitely recommend this book to anyone to read just to be aware of mental abuse
It certainly opened my eyes.
May 19, 2023
" Manipulation " a word that seems scary and usually makes you believe if you read more you will find that you are a victim of it .. but what if you unintentionally use manipulation to meet a need of your own ?
I believe such a topic deserves to be addressed not only to avoid being manipulated but to also spare others of doing the same mistake .. by a better understanding and wider horizons
I don't think it would be surprising to say that manipulation is just part of life - not that it's normal or healthy but that you will inevitably do it or be a victim of it - . Which implies the importance of such a topic that I believe should be more focused on .
Interesting ride and very useful . Clear expressions and easy language . Thank you
I believe such a topic deserves to be addressed not only to avoid being manipulated but to also spare others of doing the same mistake .. by a better understanding and wider horizons
I don't think it would be surprising to say that manipulation is just part of life - not that it's normal or healthy but that you will inevitably do it or be a victim of it - . Which implies the importance of such a topic that I believe should be more focused on .
Interesting ride and very useful . Clear expressions and easy language . Thank you
January 23, 2024
A slender but eminently readable, quotable & informative, 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics gives you all the information you need to identify Covert Emotional Manipulation & thereby free yourself. It took me 46 years of heartbreak to understand what I was dealing with. Don't be like me. Read this book, memorize it and put it to good use. In a few brief hours you'll learn what you can't quite put your finger on, when you KNOW something's wrong. I've read many books on the subject & this is the most concise and to the point!
"My greatest fault was wanting to be loved. It was also my greatest downfall."
"My greatest fault was wanting to be loved. It was also my greatest downfall."
April 25, 2019
A must read for therapists but also for anyone thinking they may be a victim of psychological abuse. Sadly this is happening much more with people’s’ lack of personal boundaries and assertiveness. Some of these manipulation tactics are so insidious you may never see them coming. Be mindful and aware.
I love how the book was direct and to the point. Perfect little pocket book to keep on hand. My only complaint was that I want more! Really enjoyed it! Written very well with useful examples
I love how the book was direct and to the point. Perfect little pocket book to keep on hand. My only complaint was that I want more! Really enjoyed it! Written very well with useful examples
March 26, 2019
I gave this book two stars because it was ok. It had a little bit of useful information but it was written poorly. It seemed as though the book was not edited before being made public. There were misspelled words, grammatical errors, and these made the book seem amateur. Instead, I would read The Verbally Abusive Relationship.
October 6, 2020
i am free! this book helped me to see what i saw but refused to see. omg, it's so hard to recognise a skilled pathological manipulator when i am drugged by the intermittent reinforcement dance of polarities, love-fear. thank you Adelyn for helping me to protect my precious energy! i am forever thankful ❤️
December 8, 2020
El libro que toda joven mujer DEBE LEER
Un texto que me parece indispensable que lean ABSOLUTAMENTE TODAS LAS MUJERES para evitar caer presas de los manipuladores, controladores y abusadores emocionales que andan sueltos por el mundo y, particularmente, disfrazados de “buenos profesores” en Universidades.
Un texto que me parece indispensable que lean ABSOLUTAMENTE TODAS LAS MUJERES para evitar caer presas de los manipuladores, controladores y abusadores emocionales que andan sueltos por el mundo y, particularmente, disfrazados de “buenos profesores” en Universidades.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 109 reviews