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Sextinction: The Decline of Sex and the Future of Intimacy
Dr. Debra Soh, neuroscientist, noted sex researcher, and author of the “exceptional” (
The Times
, London)
The End of Gender
, reports on the hidden crisis of a sudden decline of sexual activity.
There’s a strange paradox in today’s developed society has never been more sexualized, but people across all age groups and demographics are having less sex than ever before. And nobody seems to know why or what to do about it.
The “fearless” (Eric R Weinstein, PhD, host of The Portal) Dr. Debra Soh leaves no stone unturned as she searches for science-backed answers. She takes us on a roller-coaster journey through ideological debates, new technological frontiers, and modern dating to understand the whys and hows of this issue.
With an expert and impartial eye, Soh examines these evolving and controversial developments and colors her findings with anecdotes from her personal research. Compulsively bingeable and groundbreaking, Sextinction upends the conventional wisdom surrounding sex, skewering pieties held by the right and left alike, and looks to the future of sexuality.
There’s a strange paradox in today’s developed society has never been more sexualized, but people across all age groups and demographics are having less sex than ever before. And nobody seems to know why or what to do about it.
The “fearless” (Eric R Weinstein, PhD, host of The Portal) Dr. Debra Soh leaves no stone unturned as she searches for science-backed answers. She takes us on a roller-coaster journey through ideological debates, new technological frontiers, and modern dating to understand the whys and hows of this issue.
With an expert and impartial eye, Soh examines these evolving and controversial developments and colors her findings with anecdotes from her personal research. Compulsively bingeable and groundbreaking, Sextinction upends the conventional wisdom surrounding sex, skewering pieties held by the right and left alike, and looks to the future of sexuality.
- GenresNonfiction
336 pages, Hardcover
First published February 10, 2026
22 people are currently reading
220 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
March 12, 2026
I would say that this book is a challenge for me to rate.
On one hand, I liked some of the studies and data that the author highlighted. While I've followed the conversation around the decline of sex for awhile, some of this data was new to me and quite interesting. Other data that was brought up were studies I've seen before and still find interesting (especially around the decline of fertility in both genders).
What I did have an issue with was that this author seems to paint everybody and everything with a very broad brush. It also is presented in a way where it feels very 'lecture-y' to women. I disagreed with a lot of the author's statements and stances, and felt like every interpretation of the data presented was extremely biased.
When she states 'All women prefer a mate who makes more money than them' and doesn't leave any wiggle room, it feels a bit strange. She'll then note that anybody who says differently (like women who are focusing on their career and financially independent) is not telling the truth. She then attacks DEI efforts and changes that have encouraged women to pursue higher education and careers (like birth control or scholarships), noting that 'we need to help men get back on their feet!'
Statements around married couples saying that women find men that help with chores/housework in a more 'equal' manner is a 'turn off' seems ridiculous to me. Also multiple times blaming an entire side of politics gets a bit old.... I don't think we can blame the entire left or the entire right for all of these changes....
It feels as though the author does not believe any human may think differently than when we were living in caves... I just wish she left some room for people who may think/feel differently as it felt like she was just saying that anybody who disagreed was wrong.
Not a fan.
On one hand, I liked some of the studies and data that the author highlighted. While I've followed the conversation around the decline of sex for awhile, some of this data was new to me and quite interesting. Other data that was brought up were studies I've seen before and still find interesting (especially around the decline of fertility in both genders).
What I did have an issue with was that this author seems to paint everybody and everything with a very broad brush. It also is presented in a way where it feels very 'lecture-y' to women. I disagreed with a lot of the author's statements and stances, and felt like every interpretation of the data presented was extremely biased.
When she states 'All women prefer a mate who makes more money than them' and doesn't leave any wiggle room, it feels a bit strange. She'll then note that anybody who says differently (like women who are focusing on their career and financially independent) is not telling the truth. She then attacks DEI efforts and changes that have encouraged women to pursue higher education and careers (like birth control or scholarships), noting that 'we need to help men get back on their feet!'
Statements around married couples saying that women find men that help with chores/housework in a more 'equal' manner is a 'turn off' seems ridiculous to me. Also multiple times blaming an entire side of politics gets a bit old.... I don't think we can blame the entire left or the entire right for all of these changes....
It feels as though the author does not believe any human may think differently than when we were living in caves... I just wish she left some room for people who may think/feel differently as it felt like she was just saying that anybody who disagreed was wrong.
Not a fan.
February 25, 2026
Will someone think of those poor oppressed men: the book.
Women need to be more preoccupied with how not to be "threatening" to men, so men wouldn't feel "emasculated", than their own well-being. Apparently women aren't already performing enough emotional labor. Are you a successful career woman? Men will resent you, cheat on you, and prefer to marry a young, naive, unthreatening tradwife.
Gotta love seeing a woman who's an author, public speaker and "scientist" preaching for a world where women should best remember to stay 2 steps behind a man. Cutting a branch you sit on, or simply pulling up the ladder behind you?
Includes shaming of: autism, asexuality, polyamory, masturbation and contraceptives, among others.
Women need to be more preoccupied with how not to be "threatening" to men, so men wouldn't feel "emasculated", than their own well-being. Apparently women aren't already performing enough emotional labor. Are you a successful career woman? Men will resent you, cheat on you, and prefer to marry a young, naive, unthreatening tradwife.
Gotta love seeing a woman who's an author, public speaker and "scientist" preaching for a world where women should best remember to stay 2 steps behind a man. Cutting a branch you sit on, or simply pulling up the ladder behind you?
Includes shaming of: autism, asexuality, polyamory, masturbation and contraceptives, among others.
February 14, 2026
This book is basically the literary equivalent of someone looking around and saying, “Y’all need Jesus.” It’s bleak… really bleak. Debra Soh surveys just about every corner of the modern sexual landscape: the near-ubiquity of porn (and how extreme some of it has become), young women being cheered on for starting OnlyFans or becoming sugar babies, the rise of AI partners and sex robots, even the possible role of environmental factors like microplastics in declining libido. Nothing is off limits. I’ve been following the conversation for a while about people (single and married) having less sex, so I wasn’t new to the topic. Still, Soh introduced me to studies and data I hadn’t seen before. The research is thorough and wide-ranging, and she clearly knows the literature. That said, this is not light reading. It felt overwhelming at times. But honestly, I think parents of teens (especially boys), teachers, pastors, and anyone working with young adults should probably read it just to understand what’s going on. The ending is short but offers a bit of hope. For me, the book didn’t just leave me discouraged but it actually strengthened my resolve to step up as a husband and father and not just drift along with the culture. Bleak? Yes. But also clarifying.
March 17, 2026
The title is pretty self-explanatory as to what the author is discussing.
I read the book and kept side-eying things. For example, the author complaining about left-leaning spaces dominating discussions of sex and sexuality. Or how women have gone too far while fighting for equality. My suspicions were confirmed when I came across this passage:
"The field of sex research had been overrun by woke zealots, and I wasn't willing to stay quiet about it. As you can imagine, writing and speaking publicly about sex is a taboo endeavor, even when your focus is the science. People are quick to jump to conclusions about you and the quality of your work, often without reading it" (pg. 200). And then on the next page, she mentions being friends with Joe Rogan. Yes, that Joe Rogan.
Considering I've read this entire book, I am judging Debra Soh based on her own words and the company she keeps. She kept insisting she was just presenting the science, but science is also marred in bias depending on how the research is presented. And there are times when she'll say something definitive without a citation and it makes it clear that this is just her opinion, rather than something that's actually backed by her science.
There was judgment and prejudice against people who practice celibacy, identify as asexuals, people engaging in polyamory, and snide remarks about left-leaning women. To the point where she downplayed and outright left out any conversations of misogyny when it comes to dating when it's highly relevant. And then, in turn, blaming women for men's loneliness. Citing things like the #MeToo movement for making men too nervous to approach women, or claims of the number of female graduates from post-secondary education and diversity and inclusion programs pushing men out of academia. I think there should be a space to talk about issues facing men. Blaming it on women is not the way to do it. And I know discussions of women's issues include blaming men, but the real-world impacts of misogyny and misandry are not the same.
The author will also make very odd statements regarding men and women. For example:
"Since married and partnered men make up around 50 to 66 percent of prostitution clients, sugar babying can hardly be considered "pro-woman." Sugar babies are helping their male customers cheat on their wives and hide their lies. If a sugar daddy (pg. 147) is a father, his infidelity will distort his daughter's future expectations of men and his son's future treatment of women... Advocates of prostitution, for all of their talk about female empowerment, don't seem to care about this" (pg. 148).
How is cheating and the negative impacts on the father's children the woman's fault and not the man with a partner and kid(s)????
Or "Liberal feminism is full of bizarre contradictions, such as that it is a patriarchal for a man to pay for your dinner but not when he pays for your nudes" (pg. 135).
This may sound like a gotcha moment, but these are two vastly different situations. One conjures up the scenario of a man paying for a meal and then expecting sex in return, and the other conjures up the scenario of a man approaching a woman who is selling her nude pictures because he wants them. If you want a lap dance, are you going to approach a random woman, or are you going to go to a strip club? Context matters.
And sex work is a complicated matter. Prostitution and sugar babying are things that I would not encourage people to engage in. And I did appreciate the author's discussions of how these influencers will try to make it seem like an enviable lifestyle when it's not. It's rife for possible abuse. There's going to be various things that feminists and left-leaning women say in regards to the matter. The feminist movement is not uniform and the topic of sex work caused a pretty big schism during the second-wave feminist movement. So it's not as easy as saying, "Sex work is bad and should be abolished." Because I don't think that's the solution either. There's a lot of nuance discussion that needs to be had.
One of the worst examples of a false equivalence was here: "I do think we [women] sometimes fail to appreciate how easy access to sex is. Just as men will never fully understand what it's like to live in fear of sexual harassment, rape, and abuse, we can't fully comprehend what it feels like to have zero sexual options" (pg. 223).
Those two scenarios cannot be compared! I, a woman, have been lonely and single and rejected. It feels awful. I would never compare that to the fear of sexual harassment and rape, though.
And then there's the epilogue where she gives men and women advice. The men's advice included self-improvement activities like eating healthy, learning to cook, developing hobbies, and socializing more to gain confidence. Pretty solid advice to becoming a happier, more well-rounded person. Advice for women included instructions to smile more and:
"Don't try to compete with men at being men. It's okay to be feminine, nurturing, make him feel wanted, compliment him, be generous with physical affection, and wear sexy outfits every once in a while. If you want children, ... Once the biological window of opportunity has passed, you can't get it back" (pg. 275).
Essentially, advice for men is do the best you can do for yourself. Advice for women is do the best you can do for him. And why is there mentions of a biological clock for women, but not men, in the epilogue when the author previously mentioned that older sperm leads to health problems in children?
For all of her complaints that women have over-corrected too much to deal with past wrongs, blaming women and coddling men isn't the answer either. In fact, that's never gone away.
I did appreciate the various topics the author covered, including AI partners, sex dolls, and beauty standards and the rise of cosmetic procedures for both men and women. These topics brought up really interesting discussions that made me confront things I knew, things I assumed, things that were upsetting (e.g. I would have been happier without the knowledge that their are child sex dolls), and nuanced discussions, which is what I wanted ultimately wanted when I picked up this book.
For example, there were talks about a catch-22 when designing a custom sex doll in the likeness of a woman: "If consent isn't required before engaging sexually with a robot, [the doll companies] will be criticized for making sexual access too easy. But if a robot is programmed to require sexual consent and has the capacity to turn down its owner's advances, the manufacturer will be criticized for enabling rape fantasies" (pg. 214).
But then, of course, even these discussions had to be ruined with some offhanded remark like, "On the third [AI boyfriend] platform, as I was selecting my AI, I noticed that all the male profiles proudly displayed "he/him" pronouns. I promptly deleted my account, deciding I'd rather be celibate for life" (pg. 120).
Should I be surprised she has a disdain for pronouns?
I read the book and kept side-eying things. For example, the author complaining about left-leaning spaces dominating discussions of sex and sexuality. Or how women have gone too far while fighting for equality. My suspicions were confirmed when I came across this passage:
"The field of sex research had been overrun by woke zealots, and I wasn't willing to stay quiet about it. As you can imagine, writing and speaking publicly about sex is a taboo endeavor, even when your focus is the science. People are quick to jump to conclusions about you and the quality of your work, often without reading it" (pg. 200). And then on the next page, she mentions being friends with Joe Rogan. Yes, that Joe Rogan.
Considering I've read this entire book, I am judging Debra Soh based on her own words and the company she keeps. She kept insisting she was just presenting the science, but science is also marred in bias depending on how the research is presented. And there are times when she'll say something definitive without a citation and it makes it clear that this is just her opinion, rather than something that's actually backed by her science.
There was judgment and prejudice against people who practice celibacy, identify as asexuals, people engaging in polyamory, and snide remarks about left-leaning women. To the point where she downplayed and outright left out any conversations of misogyny when it comes to dating when it's highly relevant. And then, in turn, blaming women for men's loneliness. Citing things like the #MeToo movement for making men too nervous to approach women, or claims of the number of female graduates from post-secondary education and diversity and inclusion programs pushing men out of academia. I think there should be a space to talk about issues facing men. Blaming it on women is not the way to do it. And I know discussions of women's issues include blaming men, but the real-world impacts of misogyny and misandry are not the same.
The author will also make very odd statements regarding men and women. For example:
"Since married and partnered men make up around 50 to 66 percent of prostitution clients, sugar babying can hardly be considered "pro-woman." Sugar babies are helping their male customers cheat on their wives and hide their lies. If a sugar daddy (pg. 147) is a father, his infidelity will distort his daughter's future expectations of men and his son's future treatment of women... Advocates of prostitution, for all of their talk about female empowerment, don't seem to care about this" (pg. 148).
How is cheating and the negative impacts on the father's children the woman's fault and not the man with a partner and kid(s)????
Or "Liberal feminism is full of bizarre contradictions, such as that it is a patriarchal for a man to pay for your dinner but not when he pays for your nudes" (pg. 135).
This may sound like a gotcha moment, but these are two vastly different situations. One conjures up the scenario of a man paying for a meal and then expecting sex in return, and the other conjures up the scenario of a man approaching a woman who is selling her nude pictures because he wants them. If you want a lap dance, are you going to approach a random woman, or are you going to go to a strip club? Context matters.
And sex work is a complicated matter. Prostitution and sugar babying are things that I would not encourage people to engage in. And I did appreciate the author's discussions of how these influencers will try to make it seem like an enviable lifestyle when it's not. It's rife for possible abuse. There's going to be various things that feminists and left-leaning women say in regards to the matter. The feminist movement is not uniform and the topic of sex work caused a pretty big schism during the second-wave feminist movement. So it's not as easy as saying, "Sex work is bad and should be abolished." Because I don't think that's the solution either. There's a lot of nuance discussion that needs to be had.
One of the worst examples of a false equivalence was here: "I do think we [women] sometimes fail to appreciate how easy access to sex is. Just as men will never fully understand what it's like to live in fear of sexual harassment, rape, and abuse, we can't fully comprehend what it feels like to have zero sexual options" (pg. 223).
Those two scenarios cannot be compared! I, a woman, have been lonely and single and rejected. It feels awful. I would never compare that to the fear of sexual harassment and rape, though.
And then there's the epilogue where she gives men and women advice. The men's advice included self-improvement activities like eating healthy, learning to cook, developing hobbies, and socializing more to gain confidence. Pretty solid advice to becoming a happier, more well-rounded person. Advice for women included instructions to smile more and:
"Don't try to compete with men at being men. It's okay to be feminine, nurturing, make him feel wanted, compliment him, be generous with physical affection, and wear sexy outfits every once in a while. If you want children, ... Once the biological window of opportunity has passed, you can't get it back" (pg. 275).
Essentially, advice for men is do the best you can do for yourself. Advice for women is do the best you can do for him. And why is there mentions of a biological clock for women, but not men, in the epilogue when the author previously mentioned that older sperm leads to health problems in children?
For all of her complaints that women have over-corrected too much to deal with past wrongs, blaming women and coddling men isn't the answer either. In fact, that's never gone away.
I did appreciate the various topics the author covered, including AI partners, sex dolls, and beauty standards and the rise of cosmetic procedures for both men and women. These topics brought up really interesting discussions that made me confront things I knew, things I assumed, things that were upsetting (e.g. I would have been happier without the knowledge that their are child sex dolls), and nuanced discussions, which is what I wanted ultimately wanted when I picked up this book.
For example, there were talks about a catch-22 when designing a custom sex doll in the likeness of a woman: "If consent isn't required before engaging sexually with a robot, [the doll companies] will be criticized for making sexual access too easy. But if a robot is programmed to require sexual consent and has the capacity to turn down its owner's advances, the manufacturer will be criticized for enabling rape fantasies" (pg. 214).
But then, of course, even these discussions had to be ruined with some offhanded remark like, "On the third [AI boyfriend] platform, as I was selecting my AI, I noticed that all the male profiles proudly displayed "he/him" pronouns. I promptly deleted my account, deciding I'd rather be celibate for life" (pg. 120).
Should I be surprised she has a disdain for pronouns?
March 16, 2026
Listened to this book because the author was on culture apothecary. SO GOOD. learned a lot and it was bleak content but the author had a hopeful stance. Though some chapters were hard to listen to it helped me know what to pray and look out for. Truly a book full of information
March 26, 2026
While there is a good starting point of information - the author definitely has a political agenda with this book and catered to a particular audience. While I do not disagree with some of the context the author writes about - I disagree with the generalizing and the blaming of "leftists" and "woke" for everything. The author will present details of problems done by the right as just a fault of society - anything deemed a progressive problem will be aggressively labelled (at times would agree with the author that progressives are a problem - even though I usually label myself one). A more balance approached politically would have been advantageous (the right is not always wrong, but can also be called out about their faults).
The referencing of the book is faulty - at times stats would be questionable and difficult to find the source. While other instances would have a citation and easy to find. I am not questioning the motive, but the perception of misleading the reader is noted.
I think it is important to read opposing opinions about all issues and I am glad a read this book. However, this "soy boy" and wanna be academic would recommend those interested in the topic to explore more authors on this subject as there are opposing and different views on the material that have some validity.
The referencing of the book is faulty - at times stats would be questionable and difficult to find the source. While other instances would have a citation and easy to find. I am not questioning the motive, but the perception of misleading the reader is noted.
I think it is important to read opposing opinions about all issues and I am glad a read this book. However, this "soy boy" and wanna be academic would recommend those interested in the topic to explore more authors on this subject as there are opposing and different views on the material that have some validity.
March 17, 2026
I enjoyed this book. It’s a fascinating yet bleak. Sometimes the book repeated itself but overall I enjoyed the scientific writing style which usually got straight to the point. There is a political bias to the writer but she does explain in the book that she used to hold leftist beliefs but changed as she progressed in her career. At many times the author states she’s pro choice and all for women being educationally and career driven. She stated the facts as they were with the research she found and some of those facts are definitely challenging to hear but I think it’s an important read and an important topic.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews