Dear Dealer: A Memoir

by Nadia Bowers

In the tradition of The Night of the Gun, this propulsive memoir lays bare the human cost of the opioid crisis, as one woman goes in search of the truth and her sister’s killer.

Dear Dealer is a love letter. It’s also a ransom note, hate mail, a monologue, and a diary of obsession addressed to the drug dealer Nadia Bowers is on a mission to find, the one she holds accountable for the fentanyl overdose death of her older sister, Sasha. As Nadia begins to uncover the truth of how Sasha died alone in her car in 2015, she must also confront the complexities of who she was in life—an Ivy league grad and beloved social worker in Connecticut whose work with people in recovery couldn’t save her from herself. As Nadia investigates a crime the police won’t, she finds herself in a necessary search for her own identity along with the dealer’s. Who is Nadia because of her sister? Who is she without her?

Nadia loses Sasha a month after she is married, and just months before giving birth to her son. As she begins a family of her own, she reflects on her shifting roles as sister, daughter, and new mother, examining how loss reshaped her sense of self. Expanding on her viral 2018 This American Life piece of the same name, Nadia’s searing words to the faceless dealer, the last one to see her sister alive, are braided with rage, reflection, and savage humor as she recounts the Bowers sisters’ once idyllic coming of age and their intertwined lives.

Rooted in searing honesty and poetic prose, Dear Dealer is a richly compelling who-done-it memoir as much about confronting addiction and family trauma as it is about seeking meaning, forgiveness, and hope in the aftermath of tragedy.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Grief

352 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 15, 2026

Reviews

[Valerity (Val)]

This book was a very intense read for me, as it hits so close to home. I lost my brother in the late 70s to drugs and alcohol, my only sibling. And I lost my son to fentanyl in 2021, my only child. I found the book to be gut wrenching, yet full of meaning, as I related to so much of it. For a first book by this author, I think it’s incredible and highly meaningful.

[Sophie]

Really beautiful book. More of a 4.5. Her sister Sasha is so alive on the page. Nadia and Sasha have a sisterly relationship that is more akin to soulmate ship, and it is heart-wrenchingly depicted how much losing a sibling for Nadia was losing a part of herself. The writing kept making me reflect on how much our families feel like the norm but really are insular bubbles and with the loss of each person comes the loss of a dynamic that will never exist again. A bit repetitive at times, but overall extremely readable.

On the one hand I felt like Nadia had so much compassion for Sasha, and at the same time it was very clear to me Nadia could not understand the pain she was in. While she clearly tried to be there for Sasha while she was alive, there was an aspect of this book that felt like repentance for not meeting Sasha in her pain while she still could. Sasha seemed like someone who felt everything incredibly deeply, and I am not sure if Nadia could really meet her there.

[LitWithBritt27]

I picked Dear Dealer as my August Pages With Purpose choice for Overdose Awareness, and when I say this one hit close to home, I’m not exaggerating. 💔

Some parts felt like I could’ve written them myself. Reading about Nadia being so consumed by her sister’s death, searching for answers, trying to understand what happened, and wrestling with anger, blame, and the need to hold someone responsible, brought me right back to my own experience with losing my brother. There were moments that felt incredibly familiar, and honestly, they were hard to read. 🖤

But this book is so much more than grief. It’s layered with complicated family dynamics, addiction, guilt, anger, love, unanswered questions, and the desperate desire to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense.

One of the biggest things I took away from this book was the reminder that we all walk through grief differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Some people need answers. Some need someone to blame. Some need to talk about it. Some need silence. And sometimes, you move between all of those things. ❤️‍🩹

This was a beautifully written and deeply personal look at grief and what happens when you’re left trying to put the pieces together after an unimaginable loss.

As hard as this one was at times, I’m really glad I picked it up. 🦋

[Katie Becker]

This book has done so much for me. I felt like Nadia was reading my thoughts over the years, recalling regrets and memories of her sister's fierce love and struggles. I came across this when I didnt know I needed it. Grief has no timeline, its true. This helped open up the channels for me and release some more of mine. I cackled, I nodded along, I sobbed...her writing so eloquently captures how much she loves her sister. What it feels like to be a little sister left behind. What a beautiful love letter to Sasha especially. Thank you Nadia Bowers, this book is so very important and beautiful.

[Whitney Hofstetter]

Thank you to NetGalley and Gallery Books for an advance copy of this book.

4/5 stars

Plot: memoir about the loss of a sister to an opioid overdose

Impression: This is a loving tribute to a beloved sister while also confronting the emotions of losing a loved one. I was glad that Nadia explored the anger both towards the system that led to this and towards her sister. It felt honest and genuine. Great imagery on being the family members of an addict- about how it metastasized into the family like a cancer. Beautifully written.

Trigger Warnings: drug use and abuse, very brief mentions of miscarriage and abortion

Star System: 5 star reads are books I can’t put down and/or make me cry. This is a book that will stick with me for either the topic, writing style, or emotional impact.
4 star books are unique or interesting and perhaps teach me something new. A feel good read is usually 4 stars.
3 star reads are good, solid books. I’m not necessarily learning or feeling anything new.
2 star books have some plot holes or timeline issues. These are the books that just aren’t believable.
1 star books are typically offensive

[Jamie Beth Cohen]

I am so, so sorry for the circumstances that led to this memoir and so, so glad it was written. As someone who lost someone without a concrete explanation, this book helped me feel less alone.

[Amy Kaplan]

This was a difficult read in all the right ways.

Dear Dealer is the story of sisters, one who is pregnant with her first child, the other an addict who has just overdosed in a parking lot. The surviving sister must come to terms with the details of her sister's last days while investigating the person who sold her the drugs which ultimately ended her life.

I picked the book because I have known and loved someone who lost their life to addiction so some of the parts of the memoir were incredibly relatable and familiar. But there was a lot that I didn't connect with. I never thought about the dealer, not once. So that was fully foreign to me and was an interesting way for her to focus her grief. I did have moments where I wondered if the anger and blame were being directed in the wrong place, but then I remembered that we all grieve and handle addiction differently. Also, by the end of the book I could see the journey that Nadia took and was much more understanding of her point of view.

This is a good read for people who have been through things similar or for those people who believe addiction isn't a disease. I have faith that this book could change their minds. Overall, I enjoyed this book and felt connected to Nadia by the end.

[Alex Frnka]

What a heartbreaking and powerful book. Nadia weaves in letters to the dealer who gave her sister drugs laced with fentanyl-- which cost her sister her life and changed Nadia and her family's life forever-- with the story of her attempting to find the dealer. She also shares about her sister, Sasha, and Nadia's own grappling with grief, living life without Sasha, and many other questions her death brings up.

Dear Dealer is about addiction, but it's more about sisterhood, calls out and questions the shames we carry, and examines it costs to tell the truth about someone you loved. Devastating and tender, and it stayed with me long after I finished. I was lucky enough to talk with Nadia about it on my podcast, Babes in Bookland.

Listen on Spotify here

[Margaret]

The author has a story to tell, but I felt the book stretched well past what its content could support. Despite the 11.5 hour audiobook runtime, I didn't really feel like I'd gotten to know either the sister or the author by the end of it. The length didn't really add depth or intimacy, and was instead mostly spent on repetition. The letters-to-the-dealer device (presumably effective in the original essay and This American Life segment) ultimately felt tired at this length for the same reason. I kept wishing the book would drop the device and its angle of being a search for the sister's dealer and just focus on being a book about grief and sisterhood.
The audiobook is narrated by the author who delivers on this front. She has a tremendous gift for narration (perhaps unsurprising given she's an actor).

[Ellen Ross]

This was an absolutely stunning memoir that I relate too on a very deep level. The letters to the dealer were raw and real and there was a profound sadness throughout this book but also a profound strength that was being discovered. As the book goes on over the years, I can feel how the author comes to terms with the loss of her sister and the actions of everyone around her sister. Definitely a fantastic touching read. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Sara (BandSBookClub]

How do you properly review a book like this? What a heartbreaking story, written in such a creative way. A sister writes to her sister's drug dealer after her overdose. We get an inside look into her ever changing relationship with her sister. Their childhood, adult lives and all the in between. We learn how she handles grief, her mother handles grief, and how she works through processing such a tragic loss. At times I wanted a little more detail on different aspects of their lives, but also felt like I knew them. A heartbreaking story that impacts too many families and friends today.

[Katie Devine]

A searing portrait of sibling loss and the grief, interrogation, complication, and love that fill the days and years that follow. I wept and raged alongside Bowers as she navigated losing her sister to addiction and trying to find the dealer who supplied her with the fatal dose. An important and timely read as the fentanyl crisis continues to take from us the sisters and brothers and parents and children in this country.

[Crystal Gilstrap]

Very insightful writing about addiction, parental and sibling relationships, and grief. Itt got better and better as it went. I found myself highlighting so many passages to look back on and remember.

[Suzanne Deaton]

Profoundly beautiful, heartbreaking 💔.

[Nathalie]

Got about half way through and realized the title is about her sister. Her sister is the dealer…and a mean person.

[Ashley]

This was a really good perspective from someone who has witnessed a loved one struggle with addiction. I gave it a lower rating because it was too long (12 hours for the audiobook).

[Taylor (T-bag)]

ARC provided by NetGalley. I’m aware this was an unedited copy and I am not rating based on mistakes, but the amount of mistakes made this difficult to read. I’ve read hundreds of ARCs and have never read one so difficult to read.

That being said- I want to respect this book as the author’s way to heal as she composes letters to the drug dealer that provided her sister with the lethal dose of fentanyl. However, this book has a handful of misinformation that I find concerning.

Would I recommend this book? No, actually. I respect that it was seemingly a therapeutic experience for the author, but I would not recommend.