Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead

by Mai Nguyen, Mai Nguyễn

A darkly humorous yet uplifting novel about a grieving mother who starts working at a funeral home and discovers that the best way to honor the dead is to live—from the author of the “insightful, moving” (Taylor Jenkins Reid, New York Times bestselling author) Sunshine Nails.

All Cleo Dang has ever wanted was to be a mother. The day she discovers she’s pregnant is the happiest of her life, especially when she learns that her best friend, Paloma, is also expecting. It’s a wonderful surprise and together, they enjoy their pregnancies. But when they both go to the hospital in labor, something goes very, very wrong. Paloma comes home with a baby. Cleo does not.

Now a grieving Cleo must navigate life after losing her baby. She alienates herself from the world, especially her best friend who is living the life she so desperately wanted. Forced to quit her demanding job as an actuary, Cleo manages to find a job at a funeral home where she meets a revolving door of bereaved locals and discovers the power of confronting grief.

Genres: Fiction, Audiobook, Contemporary, Literary Fiction, Grief, Adult, Mental Health

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 14, 2026

About the author

Mai Nguyen is a Vietnamese Canadian author whose debut novel, Sunshine Nails, was longlisted for Canada Reads and named one of the best books of 2023 by NPR and CBC. Her journalism has appeared in Wired, The Washington Post, and The Toronto Star. Raised in Halifax, she now lives in Toronto with her husband, daughter, and French bulldog. Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead is her second novel.

Reviews

[emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

representation matters.

https://emmareadstoomuch.substack.com...

this is a tough, funny, cringey, devastating, real-feeling book about a horrible loss: the death of our protagonist's newborn.

reading along as she copes with this heartbreaking outcome and all the change and suffering it means was arduous, because it was so accurately conveyed. it was hard to read about how she dealt with it, but that made it all the more valuable a reading experience.

the over-the-top gross-out humor was not as welcome in its difficulty to get through, but pobody's nerfect.

or whatever.

bottom line: lots of sudden vibe shifts, but #real.

(3.5)
(thanks to the publisher and libro.fm for the e-arc)

[Hades ( Disney's version ) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Netgalley and Atria Books for an ARC of Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead by Mai Nguyen

For my book girlies please check the trigger warnings with this one! As this book delves into the gut wrenching topic of infant loss & other issues surrounding it.. I say this as your lord & savior of the underworld, ok?.. like, I've seen some 💩 💩 💩 💩. So when I tell you to be careful, please do 🩵

Those of you who have been here for a while know I don't say this too often.. however I think it's very important here because Mai Nguyen has a very beautiful but very raw and realistic way of writing.

While I cannot put myself in your shoes exactly.. at times this book had me feeling like a cat being pet the wrong way. So I can only imagine how someone else would feel if they were personally affected by the heavier topics here.

My personal beef is with that "Dr." of hers that manages her postpartum "care".. I just wanna talk for a few minutes.. just ignore the hungry 3-Headed dog behind me that's foaming at the mouth🫠🫶🏼

Although I am happy to report this book is as equally inspiring as it is devastating. And I do think this book will help a lot of women. If you have experienced infant loss and you're in an OK place in your healing journey, this would be great if you're looking for something genuine relatability. Because you will most definitely find that here!.. I can't remember the last time I routed for a character so intensely. Honestly it even feels weird calling Cleo a "character" because she feels so tangible. Maybe because I know that she is real and she represents millions of women trying to navigate through the darker trenches of life.

My overall take on this was that it's simply outstanding and a must read as a woman. I will definitely be getting a hardcopy book trophy and this is one of those rare books I will be re-reading!

Until next time,
Hades
🩵

[Lindsay L · Rating 5 out of 5]

5+ stars!

An unexpected gem!

All Time Favourites List 🏆

Heart-breaking. Raw. Emotional. Gut-wrenching. Devastating. Thought-provoking. Tragic. Hopeful.

Cleo is grieving the loss of her 4 day old baby. Often suffering in silence, she forces her way through her days after this devastating and debilitating loss and wonders how she will continue living. In trying to keep her mind occupied, she takes on a new job that challenges her entire way of thinking.

This book captured my ENTIRE heart. I was browsing a local bookshop and noticed this flashy cover in the new release section. I had only just heard of this book from a glowing review I had seen a few days prior. I picked it up to see if I would click with the writing and the very first sentence shot straight to my heart, making me gasp, pause, and tear up a little. I read no further at the bookshop, but took the book to the cash to purchase. My mind lingered on that first sentence for the entire drive home, following me into my house, where I immediately pulled the book out of my shopping bag and sat down to start reading it. Not only did that first sentence make a huge impact on me — I was consumed, engaged, intrigued, invested and thoroughly captivated by this story to the very last word. The intense, immediate connection I felt with this book in the bookstore never once let up while reading this. I was quite literally hanging on every word and thinking about this book even when I wasn’t reading it. This will be a book I never forget.

This novel is centered around a grief stricken mother. It’s a messy, unpredictable, exhausting grief that had me heartbroken for the main character. This storyline hits so close to home for me in my close family. The author wrote so powerfully and realistically that I KNEW she must have had experienced devastating loss herself or in someone very close to her. The Acknowledgement section at the end fully explains this and had me bawling my eyes out even after finishing the story. No amount of research could have helped the author write such powerful and relatable words - this writing came straight from the heart.

This novel won’t be for everyone. It’s rip-your-heart-out level of sadness that you must be ready for. Readers who enjoy emotional reads that involve motherhood are sure to be touched by this unforgettable story. Anyone touched by grief will surely find comfort in the relatability of the words written on these pages. This will most likely be my favourite book of the year.

[JanB · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stunning! 5+++ stars

Cleo and her best friend, Paloma, are both expecting and even check into the hospital on the same day to deliver. But Paloma comes home with a baby, while Cleo’s arms are empty.

What follows is a realistic, heartbreaking, yet sometimes humorous journey.

I’m drawn to deeply emotional stories and grief is a part of every life, sooner or later. My words can’t properly convey how achingly beautiful this story is. But it may not be for everyone. I think it can make some readers feel seen and understood but you know yourself so go in with open eyes.

The author draws on her own experience of infant loss shortly after the birth of her baby so she writes straight from the heart, in a way that only someone who has experienced such a devastating loss can do.

As the months pass, Cleo’s days are long, and having taken a forced leave from her job, her grief is all-consuming and she’s desperate for a way to fill her days.

She takes a job at a funeral home, which seems an odd choice, but as Cleo navigates her new role it becomes clear it was the right choice. Her co-workers are there for her in quiet, meaningful ways that was beautiful to witness. Especially Kenneth, who has his own past to confront.

Achingly raw and emotional, I think this story can help heal a grieving heart, or help us understand those who are grieving. I simply could not put it down.

The author breaks your heart but she stitches it back together in a way that is hopeful and healing.

It’s a beautiful story, one I’m not likely to forget. I finished it with a full heart. Sure to be a top favorite of 2026.

[Mai T. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book I've read this year. I don't say things like this lightly. And I didn't pick this up lightly. This book is semi-autobiographical for Mai (the author, not me), who lost her daughter Gemma in a birth accident.

I'm not going to tell you to read this book. This book is hard to read. And while it may be healing to some, I imagine it can be damaging to others. Mai mentions in the acknowledgements that it was hard to sell. I'm not sure a lot of people want to read about grief, but it's an important part of life. And yet, I found I couldn't put it down.

There are two moments that really stuck out to me. 1) There is no word in either the English or Vietnamese languages for parents that have lost a child. 2) I was tinged with sadness throughout, but the first time I cried was when Cleo's parents brought her bitter melon soup and explained its meaning. Bitter melon, kho qua, translates to "let the suffering pass." Her mom explains it's not supposed to be easy to eat. And while I'm not a huge fan of the soup either, this really broke something in me. Actually, I'm crying right now.

In between all of this are insensitive doctors and friends. I get it. It's hard to know what to say. But maybe think before speaking. And not just with grief.

Parents that lose children often go through divorce. Doctors throw this tidbit of information at Cleo every so often. I wonder if Ethan had to hear the same thing.

📱 Thank you to NetGalley and Atria Books

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

REVIEW TO COME!!!!!!


🌸🌿The best way to honor the dead is to live🌸🌿!!!!!!!!

[My.bookish.diaries · Rating 4.5 out of 5]

✦ Rating: 4.5⭐️

Gifted 💌: Thank you to Simon and Schuster Canada for the free advanced copy.

☾ Yes/No/Maybe? Yes !!
☾ For readers who love: emotional stories about grief, deeply sad, messy characters trying to survive their pain😮‍💨

✧✧✧✧✧

✦ Mood: darkly funny, emotionally raw, and quietly devastating… grief woven into moments with a sense of emptiness and longing.
✦ Setting: Toronto, Canada

This was a moving read for me. I appreciate everything the author put into this book especially after reading the authors note at the end 😔 Beautiful writing that made me feel close to Cleo who had gone through an unimaginable loss…. That put into words how grief can affect people. The writing was very vulnerable and raw. Thank you Mai Nguyen for this book💙

I’ve seen people in my own life go through this kind of loss, and this book put to words the way loss can impact you. A must read for all women as it is such a moving, inspiring and equally devastating story.

We follow Cleo in the months after her loss and watch her slowly unravel and rebuild in different ways. It touches on so many hard realities, people asking the wrong questions, overbearing family, professionals who just don’t understand what you actually need (Dr. Posey… she had me so annoyed 😭), shifting friendships, and how your entire life can change in an instant.

Kenneth was such a standout for me, and I actually really loved the funeral home scenes, they added so much depth and emotion to the story in a way I didn’t expect. Also, having it set in Toronto made it hit even harder for me… I recognized so many places which made everything feel even more real 💙 🩷

This is such a heavy, moving, and quietly powerful story. I really hope to read more from this author, and I’d 100% recommend it…especially if you’re looking for something emotional that stays with you after you finish.

[Stephanie · Rating 4.25 out of 5]

“I didn’t expect the casket to be so small.”

The first sentence of Cleo Dang Would Rather Be Dead will rip your heart out, but you’ll keep reading because all good books do that to you. The story follows Cleo Dang, a woman whose firstborn daughter, Daisy, passes away just days after being born. Unable to cope with the world, Cleo shuns her husband, her family, and her best friend, Paloma, who coincidentally has a child on the same day, April 29th.

Every day it becomes harder for Cleo to breathe, eat, or even open her eyes. She decides to take a leave from her career as an actuary to work as an assistant at the very funeral home that handled Daisy’s service.

You might think Cleo is crazy, but after the trauma of infant loss, a mother will do anything to keep her mind from the unavoidable. There’s nothing charming or happy here; it’s completely raw. You will cry, and at times you will laugh, as author Mai Nguyen draws from her own experience of losing a daughter just days after birth.

“How tranquil it must be in there. No pain, no uncertainty, no tears, no surprises, no fighting, no stress, no anxiety, no pretending, no exhaustion, no disappointments, no anguish. I’d give anything to trade places with her.”

Part memoir, mostly fiction, I didn’t expect to love this book so much. As a mother myself, I wondered: Why would I want to read this? Why would anyone? Ultimately, this story is about how one survives minute by minute, second by second. Cleo avoids Paloma as pure jealousy sets in; she doesn't even learn Paloma's son’s name until well after he is born.

“I spot the bassinet in the corner, the mobile of clouds and stars spinning glacially above it. I have the same one. We registered for it together. Only mine is collecting dust and hers is collecting sweet dreams.”

The minor characters, especially the coworkers at the funeral home, are intriguing, and some scenes will tear you apart. However, Nguyen sprinkles doses of humor throughout to remind you that life does indeed go on after tragedy.

“Kenneth pulls out a few strands of mustache hair and places them in a mason jar which, from what I can tell, houses several more fallen mustache hairs. I look away and pretend what I just witnessed is a totally normal thing.”

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and Nguyen makes that known. As a mother, I cannot imagine growing someone inside of you only to lose them immediately. To say mothers don’t bear the brunt of the hardest job in the world would be a fallacy, and Nguyen proves it.

“Death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life.”

This book is heartbreaking in so many ways, but it is brilliantly done. Don’t miss it when it’s released on April 14, 2026.

Thanks to Atria for the advanced copy!

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Sometimes we break our own hearts more fiercely than anyone else”

For me, reading this book was cathartic. I’m a rainbow mama of two. I had four miscarriages before my son. I had two more miscarriages before my daughter.

Everyone’s experience is different, but so much of Cleo’s process of getting through life after loss, was relatable and made me feel seen. When you’re in the depths of it, it feels like you are all alone. Even years after, my heart broke all over again for Cleo as if it was happening all over again.

Mai Nguyen, I am so sorry for your loss of Gemma. Thank you for this incredibly raw story.

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 5 out of 5]

First time parents Cleo and Ethan are simply over the moon with anticipation of the arrival of their daughter Daisy. But then the unthinkable happens and they return home without a baby in the carseat with them.

As the months go by, Cleo’s grief is nearly all consuming as she finds herself . . .



Per usual I went in to this book without reading a blurb or review or nada. I had read Sunshine Nails by this author and wanted to give her a second go after not loving that one as much as I had hoped. But let me tell you when it comes to this story going in blind is 0 out of 10 – would not recommend. Clearly it should go without saying this one is not going to be for everybody. It is HEAVY and oh so very heartbreaking. That being said, there’s a part in the story where Ethan, the husband, confesses sometimes he watches a sad movie just to make sure he still has the ability to cry. While I am not navigating my way through crippling grief, I do relate to the concern regarding my own lack of human emotions so a book like this proves to me although I’m pretty stoic and stone-faced when dealing with real-life difficulties, I am maybe not entirely an android because I sure cried the ugly cry at various moments throughout the course of these pages.

All the Stars and thank you Mai Nguyen for giving us the gift of this story.

[Kelsey reviews•books · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was overwhelmingly beautiful. I am not a mother, but I felt Cleo’s pain in my bones and so appreciate this perspective.

▹My ⭐ Rating: ★★★★★ (5/5)
▹Format: 🎧Audiobook (Narrated by Elyse Dinh for Simon & Schuster Audio; rating: 5/5)
─────────────────────────

○★○ What to Expect from This Book: ○★○

– About: Cleo Dang just gave birth and lost her daughter in the same day. If that’s not enough, her best friend also just gave birth and got to take home her baby. Now, she’s grappling with being a mother without a child and trying to find what “normal” looks like for her in some unconventional ways. One of which is leaving her job and taking on a role at the funeral home where her daughter was laid to rest.
– Location: Canada
– POV: Single first-person
– Spice: This is not a romance, but there are at least one non-explicit mentions of sex
– Tropes: grief and healing, child loss, dark comedy, found family in workplace, post-partum envy
– Representation: Asian Canadian FMC, mental health (post-partum depression with passive suicidal ideation)

─────────────────────────

🎯 My Thoughts:

Ok, so I started this book on my way to go to some rummage sales and had to pull over because I was crying within the first 20 minutes. Cleo’s voice was so crystal clear in her agony of want and loss that I felt like I couldn’t breath on her behalf.

But then, as time went on, I found her appreciation for the little things alongside her--in gaining perspective from the other characters of the story; in her envy for her best friend’s new life that she thought would be how her life looked; and in her journey to being a childless mother alongside her grieving husband.

This book was so powerful. So, so, moving. And incredibly written. You can tell how much this meant for Mai to pour her heart out in these pages/this story.

Would I Recommend?: I wish I could recommend this to everyone, but I think it will be difficult for some readers. But it might also be healing for them too? Just be cautious going into this that it is about child loss.


─────────────────────────

⍟»This or That«⍟

Character Driven——✧—————————Plot Driven
Light/Fluffy———————✧————Heavy/Emotional



•♥Consider following me on Instagram @kelseyreviewsbooks for more visual content and bookish discussions.♥•

[Al · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the description of this book is wrong. Although I may have chuckled a few times, I would not describe it as “darkly humorous.” It’s definitely dark and sad. Although I know everything in the book didn’t really happen, it reads almost more like a memoir than a work of fiction. There is a lot of raw emotion that accurately (and ceaselessly) describes life after the loss of a child. It can be brutal to read and a bit infuriating at times, as the main character doesn’t seem to want to try to help herself. While I appreciate that it was probably cathartic for the author to write it, I liked the story for what it was but felt a bit clobbered over the head.

Thank you to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[jo ❣︎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can now list this as the seventh book to have made me cry actual tears.

[Victoria (storieswithtorie) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was gifted a physical copy by the publisher and this is one I’m keeping.

The thing that got me most isn’t just the loss. It’s what she does after.

Cleo goes to work at the funeral home. After losing her baby… she walks straight into death every single day. No distance, no avoidance. Just full exposure to it, over and over.

It sounds extreme, but it made complete sense for her. It felt like the only place that matched what her life had become.

Kenneth works there and is the one who handles her baby’s arrangements. Then he becomes this quiet constant once she starts working there. He doesn’t try to fix anything or say the perfect thing. He just shows up and treats her like a person, not something fragile.

The funeral home scenes were the strongest part of the book for me. Very direct. Very real. You see the routine of death, the process, the way it becomes something you have to handle whether you’re ready or not.

These lines stuck with me:
“Death is quiet. It doesn’t ask permission.”
“You learn quickly that it keeps coming, whether you’re ready or not.”.

It doesn’t soften anything. It just shows you exactly what it is.

[Cassidy Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story will never leave me. I’m not sure that I’m even capable of articulating the impact it has had on me. This story follows the main character Cleo Dang following the loss of her baby and her journey through grief and healing. While I don’t share the same loss, it doesn’t matter because the portrayal of grief was so honest and human that I felt every single word. Without getting too personal into my own story - I felt a comfort that I have not yet had while exploring Cleo’s feelings surrounding the afterlife, having obsessive thoughts about death, and passive suicidal ideation. These aren’t things that are often discussed and it’s so refreshing to see it portrayed with such care within a work of fiction rather than tucked away six pages deep in a random late night Reddit post.

I also want to note that I truly LOVED learning about Vietnamese culture, folk religion and traditions surrounding death and loss (and in general too)! I took breaks from reading to do some more extensive research on everything I was learning so I could fully appreciate it. It was woven throughout the story perfectly.

I have saved MANY highlights and will absolutely be sharing them once this book is released. 🌼

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher and author for the ARC! Adding to my infinity stars list.

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will never leave me - Mai Nguyen has a gift! This book is so heartbreaking and beautifully written. She does an amazing job discussing grief, loss, and finding joy again.

[Sarah | Kerosene.Lit · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hurt. But oh, how I loved it. Fair warning: there’s some very heavy subject matter here, with Cleo consumed by grief, depression, and passive suicidal ideation after sadly losing her baby shortly after childbirth. Even more heartbreaking is the story being told in a way that feels as though Cleo is explaining her experiences directly to her daughter.

It made me realize how different this kind of loss must feel in the age of social media, where happiness and motherhood are constantly shoved in your face. It really captured the isolation and pain Cleo is feeling, from the well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful things people say when someone loses a child to the resentment of watching life continue around you. And in Cleo’s case, a husband who seems to be grieving "properly" and a best friend caring for her own newborn.

But despite how absolutely heartbreaking this book was, Cleo has a dark, witty, lovable type of humour that brings so much levity, especially through her unique fixation on death and grief. I loved her random facts about mortality. And then there’s the funeral home setting, where Cleo takes a job on a whim! A place of comfort and healing, with some of the sweetest people all guiding Cleo back to life again ♥.

(spice level: closed door)

[Joce (squibblesreads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is fs gonna be my book of the year i feel it

[Charlene Carr · Rating 5 out of 5]

My official endorsement:

CLEO DANG WOULD RATHER BE DEAD is a window into grief: its ability to make us our worst selves, but also how, over time, it can turn us into a person who sees life for how precious and beautiful and exquisitely improbable it truly is. Nguyen’s writing is open and vulnerable and so very raw: I cried a lot, but I also laughed and was reminded that grief is a journey that never ends but shifts and morphs and should be tended to as long as is needed. It is a testament to the healing power of connection, and I’m so glad this book exists.

My more personal one: Everything above - PLUS - I've never experienced the pain of losing a full term child. But I can imagine it. I have imagined it over and over again. I've lost enough pregnancies that it feels embarassing to say the number, like people will think I'm a masochist. And during my last pregnancy, the second to give me a living child, I thought of her possibly impending death far too much. For months, I wouldn't let myself think of her as a baby, but rather another impending miscarriage. I didn't truly believe she'd live until I was holding her in my arms, and then, five days later, I thought of her death when we had to take her to the ER and a flurry of doctors and nurses surrounded her and I thought I would be going home without my child.

I thought of her death in the weeks or months after, when I was afraid to sleep because I feared I'd wake up to find her dead, when I was afraid to let my husband hold her, because what if he wasn't paying the close attention I did, and she died from positional asphixiation in her arms.

And so, when I was asked to read an advance copy of this book, debated, and then said yes, I wondered what I was doing. Many times as I read, and cried, I wondered why I kept turning the pages. But I persevered because I knew the author had lived through my worst nightmare, and then lived to write a book about it. Because I trusted if I made it to the end, rather than this book simply being a deptiction of my worst nightmare, it would be a depiction of continuing not despite of, but because of that deep loss, in honour of it. I continued because I imagined her writing about this would help other women who'd lived through that same nightmare, (or ones, like me, who'd come close), feel more seen, and by feeling seen, feel less alone, and I wanted to be a part of that. I'm so glad I continued. This is a beautiful book.

[Beth Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not an easy book to read, but it is an important one. While this book is heartrending it is written with deep insight and incredible honesty about what it feels like to mourn the death of your newborn. Mai Nguyen writes about Cleo and the other grieving characters in a raw and realistic but also beautiful and inspiring way. The author knows the pain and grief as she lost her own child shortly after its birth. Grief is intensely personal, isolating, and completely universal since we all have to experience loss during our lifetime. Grief may never fully leave us but it can evolve into something we learn to carry. Cleo manages to experience some hope and community that help her to muddle through her life. This is a deeply compassionate novel about pain, identity, family, and the quiet courage it takes to keep going. It reminded me of how life can bring you healing in unimaginable ways. This book will make you cry. Be forewarned.

[Marisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

Would Rather Be Dead is an incredibly heavy read, but not necessarily in a meaningful or rewarding way. The book dives so deeply into depression and grief after stillbirth that it becomes emotionally suffocating from beginning to end. While difficult topics can create powerful stories, this one felt relentlessly bleak without enough balance, growth, or hope to keep the reader emotionally invested.

[Carrie Shields · Rating 5 out of 5]

...𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒖𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉...𝒂 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒆𝒃𝒐𝒙 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓, 𝒎𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒕...𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒈𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒑𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒅𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒖𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒖𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒎𝒔.

I don’t usually take a break from my steady diet of thrillers and horror, so I wasn’t prepared for how deeply this book would get under my skin. Cleo Dang has always wanted to be a mother, so when she and her longtime best friend Paloma find themselves pregnant at the same time, it feels like everything is finally falling into place. Until the women go into labor at the same time and Paloma's baby gives a hearty cry, and Cleo's baby does not. I expected the emotion, but I did not expect the kind of quiet devastation that settled in and refused to leave.

What stayed with me most was how real Cleo’s grief felt. I didn’t feel like I was reading about her, I felt like I was sitting beside her in it. She is not rushed through her through the pain or given shortcuts. Instead, her journey unfolds in a way that feels painfully honest. I found myself pausing more than once just to sit with what I had read because it hit too close to something human and universal. Watching her friendship with Paloma strain under the weight of something neither of them can fix was especially difficult. And Ethan, Cleo's husband who is also suffering. His pain and grief was so difficult to witness because he tucked his away to focus on his wife.

And somehow, through all of that, there is still something quietly beautiful here. I found myself moved by the way Cleo’s unexpected job at the funeral home became a place where grief could exist without apology. This story understands that loss does not go away, it just changes shape. I went into this expecting something outside my comfort zone, and I came out of it feeling like I had experienced something deeply meaningful. This is the kind of book that leaves something behind in you and reminded me of this: 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕, 𝒂 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆. 𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒗𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒔𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓, 𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒆𝒅, 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒛𝒛𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅, 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒊𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆.

Please, please read the author's note. Your heart will break all over again. So many thanks to Atria Books for my beautiful finished copy. This one is available now.

[cyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley for an advanced readers copy in exchange for an honest review. This book was so sad but such. n accurate portrayal of grief. It was honestly hard to read at times because things were just so bleak. After learning that it was based on the authors real life experience it becomes even more heartbreaking. If you’ve ever grieved someone or something you can definitely find a lot to relate to here. It does end on a more hopeful note that was really inspiring. I thought some of the side characters ( mostly her doctor) did come off as a bit cartoonishly insensitive but i’m sure there are people who act like that in real life and in a weird way it added some humor to a really depressing story. I highly recommend this but definitely check trigger warnings.

[Liz Hein · Rating 5 out of 5]

How is grief both so personal yet universal at same time? Let Nguyen show you.

From the innocuous email about Mother’s Day or a warranty on a tragically unused car seat, to getting pulled away from reality and brought straight back to the worst day of your life in the blink of an eye, to stressing about money bc death is expensive but also buying something you want let’s you feel an ounce of control so you spend what you shouldn’t, to worrying about forgetting the sound of their laugh, onto questioning how the loss feels both forever ago and a moment ago… Nguyen nails it. Do not miss the authors note either.

[Nana with a Book · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was much sadder than I expected. The description calls it “darkly humorous,” but I didn’t find much humor in this deeply painful story. There’s also a major infant death trigger warning.
Even though it was a heavy read, I appreciated how raw and honest it felt. It left me feeling very sad for most of the book, but the hopeful ending made it worthwhile. There's a great message in the importance of dealing with grief and surrounding yourself with people who will allow you to do that.
Side note, I was born and raised in Toronto where this book is set so that made it fun! ❤️

[jess · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cleo Dang Would Rather be Dead is a well-written novel that ultimately suffers from mismatched marketing. The synopsis promises “darkly humorous yet uplifting,” though the novel is anything but. Of course, given the subject matter of child loss, it’s fair for the book to traverse sadness, rage, confusion—all the hallmarks of grief. In my opinion, Mai Nguyen’s writing here is faultless and painfully authentic, given her own experience with the subject. That said, the tone for 90% of the book is oppressively heavy. I found reading even one chapter exhausting. Cleo, the main character, alienates everyone in her life, resulting in a very isolated reading experience. There is very little that is uplifting here until the very end. As for humor, I didn’t find this book very funny. Again, the tone and content all makes sense, but readers should be aware that the marketing does not provide an accurate description of the novel.

I received a free ARC from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Catalina ♡ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sobbed ugly to this one. Real ugly.
Guys, this book genuinely opened the gates to the flood, it was so beautiful. Cleo was such a real depiction of grief, I felt really seen in the way she navigated her emotions and her thoughts. I never imagined I'd grieve so many fictional babies. Shoutout to mothers I love you all and shoutout to babies, I cried for all of you.
5 stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[MLP · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had high hopes- the synopsis sounded so good! Every single character feels wildly under developed, the dialogue is as though this author has never had a conversation with another human before, and the way others act towards Cleo is so unrealistic- insane doctor, evil coworkers who say she faked her pregnancy, a grief group facilitator who interrogates her in front of the group…huh? As a tried and true griefy girl, hospice volunteer, and grief group facilitator, I truly disliked this one. Will not read this author again

[Mallory Alison · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m the only one who didn’t love this book. I found it draining. Cleo suffers an immense tragedy, and in the beginning of the novel, I related to her grief and wanted to continue on. However, I lack interest in early motherhood and grew exhausted as the book progressed. Not a lot of movement occurs in the plot, and I was absolutely miserable reading her story. The moments of dark humor and insights from working at the funeral home, while appreciated, couldn’t redeem this one for me. I’m glad others had a better experience.

[andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

thank you to NetGalley for the advanced digital copy and my fave, Atria, for sending me a physical arc. ilysm.

y'all need to read this one.

--

cleo dang would rather be dead is a book that will split you open. it's a novel about infant loss, but more than that, it's about the isolating, all-consuming nature of grief and the bizarre, desperate paths we take to survive it. cleo loses her baby daisy days after birth, while her best friend paloma gives birth to a healthy son on the same day. shattered, cleo retreats from her job, her husband, her friend, and the world. then she takes a job at the funeral home that handled daisy's service.

let me start with what this book does extraordinarily well: it captures the raw, ugly truth of grief with unflinching honesty. as someone currently navigating profound loss myself, i recognized so much of cleo's reality - the way people stop mentioning your dead friend/family member because they think it will upset you, which only makes you feel more alone. the way you resent anyone who still has joy. the way you make irrational, compulsive choices just to feel closer to what you've lost. there's a scene where cleo breaks down in a hospital parking lot that hit me like a physical blow. i now drive miles out of my way to avoid the road where my own mother died. mai nguyen writes grief not as a stage or a lesson, but as a landscape you're forced to inhabit, where everything familiar becomes hostile.

the funeral home setting, which could have felt contrived, is instead the book's greatest strength. cleo doesn't run from death, she walks straight into its daily routine. she assists with viewings, handles paperwork, and watches how grief manifests in strangers. through her coworker kenneth, a quiet, steady presence who doesn't try to fix her, she learns that death is quiet, relentless, and doesn't ask permission. these scenes are grounded, unsentimental, and strangely grounding. they provide a structure to her chaos.

now, the part that consistently grated on me, as it does in so many books about motherhood: the writing about babies. there's a fetishistic, almost devotional quality to the descriptions - talk of "milky baby breath" and sealing a baby's lip cracks with aquaphor after kisses - that i find deeply uncomfortable. it feels less like authentic maternal feeling and more like a performative, tradwife ideal that rings hollow and, frankly, creepy. it pulled me out of the narrative every time.

but if you can push past that (and i did, because the core of the book is worth it), what remains is a powerful, semi-autobiographical story about how to live when you'd rather be dead. one of the most striking moments comes when a character tells cleo that if she dies from grief, people will remember her daughter as the person who made her die. the real way to honor the dead is to live for them. it's a simple, devastating idea that reframes survival as an act of love.

cleo dang would rather be dead is not an easy read. it's heavy, specific in its trauma, and full of triggers. but it's also darkly funny in places, deeply moving, and full of hard‑won wisdom about vietnamese mourning traditions, the silence around child loss, and the clumsy ways people try to help. it's a book that understands grief doesn't end; it just changes shape. and sometimes, the only way through is to sit with it, in a funeral home, until you remember how to breathe again.